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Temi A: The Feminist Agenda

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It looms above everyone; dangerous, a dam waiting to burst open. It blows everything and everyone in its path away. Panic! A woman hurries her children into the safety of her home; a man runs away but loses a shoe in the process. No one stops to look over their shoulder, but a tiny slip of a man. “What is that?” He asks mouth agape in wonder. He did not expect a response to his answer but one flings itself at him nonetheless. “It is the feminist agenda” another man hurls the response over his shoulder as he hurries past. The man looks around him and smiles. He knows something they do not know.

Now that I have your attention, this is not a prose. However, if I were to write a prose about feminism I would be tempted to begin in that manner. It is much more dramatic. The past years has seen a rise in the feminist movement. Feminism is not a modern feat, but now more than ever everyone is aware of it. It is said that women have become bolder and more assertive in demanding what they want and how they go about it.

What is this feminism? Firstly, this is not a lecture on what it is, but more of an opinion. If yours differs from mine, use the comment box below and educate us further. The day I decide that I know everything in the world and cannot learn further is the day I meet my maker. As that day is nowhere near, we will all learn.

Feminism is simply a movement for female equality and if there is a feminist agenda as some “mannist” have been quick to point out, then its aim is to foster this equality. We aim for women to develop in a “man’s world”; and it is indeed a man’s world, I am not blind to that.

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who wore his sexism as confidently as a new suit. He informed me in all his mannist glory that a lady that has more than one sexual partner is a whore. But there is no such term for men, besides “man whore”-  so the same rule does not apply to men. Whilst conversing, I learnt the various synonyms for whore and let me tell you there are a lot of them. I argued that what is good for the goose should be good for the gander. If she is called a whore, then we need to start inventing more of these names for the male counterpart. But more than that, I also sought to impress upon him that a woman has the freedom to do whatever she wants to, and she should not be shamed for it. A whore should be a whore based on their action and not their gender I said. I failed. I hope to continue my campaign some other day.

Look around your work place. How many female CEOs do you have? Where do most business deals inadvertently get completed? At the pub? The golf course? How many deals have you completed in a spa, or whilst getting a manicure? I hope I live long enough to be able to say this sentence “Oh I cannot meet you today, I am meeting with the CEO of (insert company name) at the salon” where we will proceed to talk business like the true bosses that we are whilst getting a manicure.

Personally, there are times I reject the term feminist. My reason for this is simple enough. The rights I fight for and believe in as a feminist are my fundamental human rights. They belong to me by virtue of my humanity. I should be treated the same way as my male counterpart if I work as hard as he does.

I should not be slut-shamed for how I dress. I should not be raped on a bus in daylight and have people tell me it’s my fault because I am a “bad girl”. I should not be buried alive or shamed for falling in love and marrying someone outside of my culture. I should not be married off at the age of 12. My career should not suffer a set back because I decide to have children. I should not be considered unprofessional because I worry about said children and take days off.

These are not rights that I accrue to myself because of my sex, but because of my humanity. The Egba women in Nigeria, led by Funmilayo Ransome Kuti, were truly phenomenal. They rallied against arbitrary taxation and their right to vote. That was a feminist action but we generally refer to her as an activist because that is what she truly was.

Therefore, sometimes, I reject the term feminism because I do not wish to be branded a certain type of woman for fighting for my human rights. I reject it to make a point that the feminist struggle and the rights we demand is a basic right that should essentially be ours. Conversely, I also wear the feminist hat with pride especially when I talk to younger impressionable girls who know nothing more than “feminists are trouble makers”. No, we are not. Yes, you do have the more militant ones and some fanatics but which movement for change doesn’t? If we are perceived as trouble makers then that is good. No one ever achieved true success without causing a bit of trouble. Why is feminism met with so much disdain and deliberate misunderstanding? I say deliberate because people who should know better and do know better still choose to deliberately misunderstand the feminist struggle. Why is it met with so much disdain and distrust? And why are we so scared of it?

In my opinion, a true feminist supports the female cause in whatever guise it presents itself and we work together for female empowerment. We do not purport to be men; we do not hate men, or want them castrated. Men only come into this because we want a piece, a very large piece of the cake they have been enjoying so far. That is not a crime is it? This is my definition of feminism. What is the feminist agenda then? Growth for women. Three simple words, yet it seems so dangerous. We should ask why that is.

If your opinion differs from mine, let me know. Leave your comments below and express yourselves. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Erik Reis 

I like to believe that I am entirely focused on building a career as a Solicitor, but my love for Food and Yoruba movies poses a serious threat to this dream.

63 Comments

  1. Winifred

    August 7, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    You needed to see me jumping on my chair in my office as I read your article. AMEN SISTER! You did justice to this piece!

  2. Anon

    August 7, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    If a guy decides he wants to sleep around with 20 ladies in a month it takes more “effort” for him to find willing partners and hence he is often reverred in awe
    If a woman decides to sleep around with 20 men in a month, all she has to do is show signs. It is considerably less “effort” on her part.

    Hence why men are reverred for their skills in “netting” and a woman is unfortunately by society standards “slut-shamed” because it takes less effort on her part.

    You want equality. That is equality!

    • Ehm Ehm

      August 8, 2015 at 3:28 am

      Actually maybe the reason why men find it hard to bed women, is because women are slut shamed and are condemned for being sexual beings, so they are a bit more cautious to have sex. Which comes first. the cart or the horse?
      So inadvertently if women aren’t slut shamed maybe the men will find easier lays. loooool You see this displayed in societies where women are sexually free.

    • EllesarisEllendil

      August 8, 2015 at 10:39 am

      Like?? America maybe?? because its still hard to “score”. Its so bad Americans have sites and instructors to teach you seduction styles. So that doesn’t work.

    • Anon

      August 8, 2015 at 2:36 pm

      I do not agree with that. The reason whey men find it harder to bed the opposite mate is because he has to raise his game. The female barely has to do anything other than buy a good makeup kit and wink. Forget the condemnation, Nigga has to ball hard for him to be able to net 20 ladies in a month. All a lady has to do is just turnup and make the right signs.

      Those are the rules of the game. and we play by them!
      Hence the “whoring” lady tag. and the “don” nigga tag

    • Manny

      August 8, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      Elle, those seduction styles and tips are for a woman you actually want to woo, for a relationship that you want to last beyond a week. But on a regular day, a regular club, there are sexually free women aplenty. It is really easy for men to get laid in America

  3. zsa Zsa

    August 7, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    Exactly!
    I loved your term “deliberate misunderstanding”. I can’t count how many times i have had to ask men and even women why they are intentionally misunderstanding the idea of wanting to be treated equally in various aspects of life. The response i get is “it has always been this way…. its unfortunate but its just how it is….theres nothing you can do”…blah blah.
    Its not complicated really, if we work just as hard then treat us with the same level of respect.

  4. Scared homosapien

    August 7, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    We should all be Equalists!

  5. whocares

    August 7, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    This article right here gives me hope!!!!! I have sent this link to every one I know that has not truly grasped the concept of feminism. “We do not purport to be men”. ’nuff said.

  6. What is equality

    August 7, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    Good writeup,

    What do you define as equality. A woman is not equal to man anymore than an apple is equal to an orange.
    They are both of the same classification – humans and fruits- but not the same.
    They should both be treated fairly.
    Asking to treat them equally is a task that is impossible.

    A quick example are the those advocating for equal pay in tennis. despite the fact that men play 5 sets vs women 3 sets
    They are not advocating for both genders to play equal number of sets oo.
    but equal pay sure.

    I advocate for GENDER FAIRNESS not EQUITY.

  7. bruno fierce

    August 7, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    that word called “feminism” many of u women dont understand it. u believe feminism is bashing men. we see it here in the comment section, angry girls who are single and bitter come her to bash the male gender cause they believe thats what feminism is.smh

    u want equal rights with men, okay. pls when a woman hits a man and the man hits her back dont come her to cry wolf, dont open ur “feminist mouths” and say “a man shouldnt hit a woman even tho it was the woman who threw the first punch” . cause many of u ladies ur feminism is usually very one side no more “ladies first” abi u want equal rights and treatment. no more “she’s a woman let her carry the small keg of water” u will carry the same 50kg keg of water like the rest of us guys.

    • Atutupoyoyo

      August 8, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      Bruno boo!!! I have missed you. I don’t like you but I actually missed you. I remember going through the comments and saying where is Bruno? I know I have told you to go hang yourself but I realized that in your absence I actually wanted all to be well with you. All of a sudden it didn’t even matter if you were gay or lesbian or trans, I just wanted you back to continue riling people up. It reminded me of the saying that to love comes more naturally to humans than hate.I cant believe I’m saying this but I actually love your character, BUT I swear if another homo post comes up again we re going to fight. kisses!

    • red

      August 10, 2015 at 10:59 am

      lol…who’s talking about strength? trust me if i could carry 1000000kg of water i would, i know females who carry heavy load and its okay. use your strength the way you can fa.

  8. bruno

    August 7, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    the funniest part is, it is you women that are the cause of ur own problems. u women are the ones holding ur selves back.

    women tearing each other down here and there. women are the ones that slut shame other women the most.
    women are the ones that body shame other women the most.

    women are the ones that think being a woman is weak. example. a girl’s boyfriend is behaving sluggish and slow, the girl shouts at him “STOP BEHAVING LIKE A WOMAN, MAN UP” I have seen this thing so many times.

    a man is talking too much and behaving lousy,the ladies in the room will say to him ” why are u behaving like a woman, u talk too much are u a woman, for a man, u talk too much etc”

    many ladies on this blog have called me a woman as an insult many times.

    u ladies need to chamge ur mindset cause u ladies are the omes holding ur selves back.

    • le coco

      August 8, 2015 at 4:32 am

      @bruno.. you r 100 percent spot on…… cldnt hv said it any better

    • Tunmi

      August 8, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      The internal misogyny is worse. It’s the same reason the internal colorism is equally bad

  9. AAO

    August 7, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    Yes !!! Thank you SO much! Feminism is equality and fairness for BOTH genders! If you don’t like it then sit down! #girlpower (And yes I’m a conservative catholic Christian who practices no sex before marriage and doesn’t hate men and loves fashion)

  10. Nahum

    August 7, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    Well written! Well thought out!!! Straight to the point!! In other words… GBAM!!!

    My dear, well done. I am tired of defending feminism like it is some sort of disease and what breaks my heart the most is when women are the biggest opponents of this. Nigerian women have no understanding of the feminist agenda but are so against it. I am a big feminist and I married a moderate mannist and our marriage is blessed by God. We argue and sometimes we have to agree to disagree but one thing is clear, he respects my human rights and wants equality for me and our daughter. Nigerian men need to learn to stop bullying their women and women need to stop accepting abuse.

  11. EllesarisEllendil

    August 8, 2015 at 12:17 am

    You’re a second wave feminist AKA the rational ones. Its the third wave feminists that Men(rational ones atleast) have a problem with, the ones that see Men as the enemy, that want special treatment while claiming to be for “equality”.

    Example, this “Look around your work place. How many female CEOs do you have?” The lack of female CEOs is rather simple, Men are on average better in the business world, the few women that make it to the top are outliers who are equal parts tenacious and brilliant enough to make it to the top while being willing to sacrifice whatever it takes. A second wave feminist AKA a moderate sees this and says okay, as long as a qualified woman isn’t denied her place solely for her gender I’m fine with this, a third wave feminist AKA a FemiNazi sees this and says No!! it must be split evenly 50-50, with equal pay to boot. That is where the problem starts.

    • Ebebe (pronounced A-bay-bay)

      August 8, 2015 at 7:14 am

      EllesarisEllendil, well spoken.Third wave feminists are the problem of feminism!!!!! They are the ones making the whole feminist movement seem like a joke. I cant call myself a feminist because of what they have made it out to be. Trust me, there are no third wave feminists in Nigeria so Nigerian men have nothing to fear or be afraid of. The typical Nigerian feminist is fair and rational (2nd wave). Obviously some selfish agenda might be added into the mix but that’s human nature. Like someone said above, GENDER FAIRNESS is what we a a society should be working towards not equality.

      Men and women can not be equal.It is not a bad thing. In some cases men bear the brunt in other cases women, We should strive to make sure in any case, everything is fair. For example the issue of abortion. Women have the final and albeit only say in keeping or terminating a pregnancy. Is that equality? No, but is it fair? Yes! Why because its their bodies and they bear the brunt of the whole thing, even if it takes two to have a baby, it takes one for the nine months journey.This same applies to a woman hitting a man vs a man hitting a woman. Now, there a strong women, women that are stronger than men. True. But there are very few compared to men stronger than women. Now in the case of a physical altercation or so, The man is most likely to be accused as the aggressor before further investigation shows otherwise. Is that equality? Nope, but it is fair, Yes.why? because men are naturally stronger than women and its only logical to blame the stronger one, because the stronger already has an advantage and is most likely to do more damage than the other person.The same goes for slut shaming or shaming women, like someone said, it is a 1000 times easier for a women to sleep with a 1000 men a year than a man to sleep with 10 in 2 years. So, if a man and a woman share the same high body count the man is see as Mandela(metaphor) and the women is seen as a mosquito( very common). Is that equality?Nope, but is it fair, Yes! Because it takes more energy and time and effort for a man to get to sleep with a woman than the other. No, Its not due to slut shaming because in developed countries, even with all the advancement and all the results in this case are still the same.

      Male and Female gender can not be equal.. And no, gender and gender roles are not just a social constructs. They stem from biology and cognitive processing. If they were just social constructs there would absolutely be nothing like transgender and the saying “I feel like a man, born in a woman’s body.” or ” my brain says male and my body is female.”I can go on and on but this is not my philosophy class and I’m actually taking a break from debating with women’s studies majors lately. I believe in the social economic equality of both genders. Get the same amount for the same job. I believe in basic human rights for all, which is ingrained in our constitution. I also believe nobody should be discriminated against when it comes to any job based on gender .i.e. if you like it do it. I also believe most people both female and male believe what I listed above, so I don’t think I am an activist of any sort or savior of womanhood or whatever third wave feminists think they are.Yeah, again, men are not the cause of women’s woes. both genders are. There have also always been powerful women, even in the Bible and other religious books e.g Deborah, Esther etc So I highly doubt religion is the cause either. Nigeria case is quite different, because they are still rooted in culture and tradition but even at that, women were not oppressed in our old days. They were not locked down, if they wanted to speak, they did, without fear or tremble. e.g a very strong Egba woman, cant remember her name, the Aba women that rioted against unfair taxes and so on. I also noticed that every strong opinionated woman seems to be called a feminists, no matter what their opinions are about. This is false. There are strong opinionated women, likewise men. Yes, again Nigerians also get this mixed up, wanting equality for men and women does not equate to you wanting to be alone or you being a lesbian. I hear my mom say “common would you shut up, you dont know youre a woman, Ill not carry you to MFM when you regret your decision to be alone oo”. Really, mummy???!!!! I’m done. I can go on and on and write a thesis. I’m on break now, I will save myself for the fall semester.

    • Ebebe(pronounced A-bay-bay)

      August 8, 2015 at 9:20 am

      Mehn! I made so many typos in this write up! Chai! Im sure you guys get the points. I cant start correcting, There are too many. My apologies, please forgive me for my unconscious attempt at murdering written English.

    • Miss Pee

      August 8, 2015 at 10:53 am

      Sistah Ebebe, mbok were ya wayo, biko nu. You’re so hot that the vapour is affecting me via my phone.

    • Sisihawtness

      August 8, 2015 at 8:25 am

      “Men are on average better in the business world”…The dumbest comment I’ve read so far! No, hun. The problem is its a man’s world & lies like these are perpetrated by men. I was in agreement with you until I saw that laughable BS!

    • EllesarisEllendil

      August 8, 2015 at 10:52 am

      Maybe I should have phrased it better, Men on average make better employees. For starters, what are the odds of a Man getting pregnant?? Men are better negotiators(this is an actual fact, I can hunt down a link for you if you want).

      Finally, this is the free-market, capitalism is optimised to work on merit, if you lose a great female employer to a competitor, it affects your bottom-line, so respectfully for most free-market countries, its stupid for it to be a “Man’s world” and yet weirdly enough Men still are on average better in the business world, I’m sorry its just facts.

      Can we go back to agreeing?

    • D Main Man

      August 8, 2015 at 11:49 am

      @sisihawtness…Men are better business wise…mental strength, endurance, they are more skilled.
      Years ago I watched a programme on bloomberg TV, where the top business mights of female folk were there, eg…Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, Selina of Survey Monkey etc… among other things they said stunt their business pursuit/growth, like child bearing but one pertinent thing they mentioned was that if you check the list of students (gender-wise) in ivy schools, who are taking up innovative-technology related courses, 3/4 are men, so you still end up having men dominated co operations, firms, industries as helmsmen.

      As for feminism abeg God the trinity( the three of them) please remove from my path all the shades of feminist female, not even the moderates. Biko, PLEASE BN Can we treat a topic on how to identify a feminist. please please on a serious note. that shit scares the jesus in me.

    • Tunmi

      August 9, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      “Men on average make better employees. For starters, what are the odds of a Man getting pregnant?? Men are better negotiators(this is an actual fact, I can hunt down a link for you if you want).”

      It’s not that men make better employees, it’s that the presence of male employees is greater. And this differs by field. Let’s take STEM careers, there are more men in STEM than women, as is the case in so many other fields. The reason is because it was a male-dominated field. Let’s use the USA for example. Women did not enter the workforce, en masse, until the US got involved in WWII in 1941 when the men were drafted and labor was needed in the factories. The county got its independence in 1776, so that is 165 of continuous support, resources, networking opportunities solely for men in the workforce. When women got in the workforce, men had the advantage. And that time lag of missed opportunities and missed growth had an impact. It also affects minorities in the US today.

      So it’s not that men are better workers. Sure some men are better workers. And some women are better workers. And you have poor employees on both sides. It’s just that one group has a heavy presence than the other. If you had 20 male workers and 5 male workers, and only 1 of each was a poor worker: that means 1/20 = 5% of the males and 1/5 = 20% of the females. That statistic is a huge disparity and it doesn’t account for the sample size at all.

      As for the pregnancy thing, not all women will want or have children. And there are some men who want to stay at home with their children. So this thinking that pregnancy and childbirth results in poor performance hurts both men and women. Netflix recently announced it would offer 1 year leave to new parents because they realized that employees, who are parents, are not at their optimal performance if they are worrying about their newborn children.

      Negotiation is a skill that is learned. I learned how to negotiate from watching my mother and other buyers strike deals with sellers in Mushin-Olosha market. I also learned how to negotiate in the corporate field from mentors and other professionals in my field. The lack of resources available for women and other minorities hurts in these areas. There are many more groups and organizations focused on men (even without stating so) than there are for women and minorities. If there is no effort at being inclusive to groups that are being sidelined, then it is a male-only club. Things are getting better though and it’s through these discussions and making people realize these practices go on.

      I recommend following “Everyday Feminism” on Facebook or looking up “sexism in (whatever industry)”. It’s not always the overt kind we may be used to in Nigeria. In fact, the subliminal ones are even worse because they are harder to catch.

  12. Di

    August 8, 2015 at 2:29 am

    Slut – a woman with the morals of a man. Women shame her while secretly admiring her boldness, men shame her because they feel threatened but the slut keeps living her authentic true self unfazed by the noise of the weak, self-righteous and fearful minds. She understands the flaw of humanity to know that moral expectancy based on gender is a fallacy. She keeps walking accepting her human flaws just as her Creator had long done before she was created.

    • femi

      August 9, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Why would you want to be a slur though.

  13. Di

    August 8, 2015 at 3:02 am

    I am sick of all these feminism talks here and amongst Naija women!!! After all the ranting here most women will still go back to their lives and be tolerant of disrespect from men, be side chicks or throw blind eyes to their men’s side chick(s) while going down to shine off the sloppy seconds, allow themselves to be beat up, pressured and talked down to etc.

    Am sick of this feminism talks ( which is long over-flogged) because talking enlightens but does no action. If women (and yes am one) believe in feminism why not demand for your respect in every area of your life instead of ranting here and then turn around to do things that opposes your integrity just to please.
    Thanks for the effort but nothing new in this article.

    Women in the western world don’t go on this repetition of rants, they just revise their standards and tell their success stories to other women. Enough of this repetition like it is a new found science or something. Men don’t nag they demand, women take a clue from them since we want to get the respect they are getting.

    • Nahum

      August 8, 2015 at 4:47 am

      Correction: men don’t need to nag because it is their world. The laws of society were created to benefit them and that is why their demands are met without them “nagging” about it. Second, you are very wrong about women in the Western world. They have been and still are “ranting” over the same issues that we are “ranting” over. I think you need to look up the suffragettes, the civil rights movement, women’s rights movement of the ’70s, etc. If you do your research properly you will see that the women in the Western world NEVER kept silent over these issues. So please do not demonise us for shouting for women’s rights.

    • Di

      August 8, 2015 at 9:57 am

      Yes, it’s a man’s world but they have their own struggles but guess what? They talk less of their problems and try to take an action about it. I worked in a group of thirty employees and I was the only female. I know Men communicate through actions and that is all they understand, they just mentally zone off when women are talking repetitiously. Demand respect, talking never solved a problem.

      I live here so I know the history and if talking was all they did there certainly wouldn’t have been any change. Initially they gathered around their kitchen tables and talked but they sure made some ACTIONS like ( not suggesting this) going out on streets to protest and enlighten other women who demonized them, requesting the congress look into women and better wages. Do something and not excessive talking. Send that great article on gender equality to your traditional mum or sexist scum at work.

    • Nahum

      August 8, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      I try my best to ignore aggressive comments but I will attend to this one. First of all, we are having a mature discussion on this blog so your aggression and insults are unnecessary. Second, if you were paying attention to your surroundings, you would realise that women are not just going on the blogs to “rant” as you so eloquently put it. We take to the streets, we write to lawmakers, we set up NGOs. Quite a few laws have been passed because of the good work of the feminists in this country. You state that you live in the States and you claim you know their history but it’s obvious you have no clue about their history. The women have and still are going on the blogs to demand equal rights as well as writing to their lawmakers, just as we are doing here. So little girl, rather than trying to throw shade at my mum who is gone and my upstanding colleagues, learn how to construct your point of view correctly.

  14. Chief

    August 8, 2015 at 7:57 am

    I hate the word”feminism” .Men and women are not equal period even in some states in America,men and women are not paid the same amount of money as salary of the same job.What makes women equal to men? how? Why?I don’t just get it.

    • Ibimena

      August 8, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Chief!! Good morning oh,as my naija people will say how was your night? Now let me attempt to answer your question in the simplest way I can . What makes women equal to men? Oh I don’t know the fact that we are created equally,that God didn’t confer superiority or inferiority over any sex. For argument sake let’s say you don’t believe in the concept of a creator and you believe in evolution or the Big Bang or you don’t believe in any of those.Simple biology at the time of conception we all have to sex chromosomes XX &XY not the same but none inferior or superior,at birth everyone(without birth defects) comes out with two hands,two legs,two eyes and numerous other organs that are exactly the same save for the difference in sexual organs.We are different yes but not inferior or superior to one another. It’s no longer the cave man days when physical strength and vigor was more important to survive and excel, we are no longer hunters and gatherers,it’s now about intellect and women are more than equally matched to men in that regard. So unless you men are going out to hunt big game and drag it back home for our food,you have lost your grounds for superiority. I hope I answered your question

    • miini

      August 8, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Na ur type we dey talk abt. So I guess in ur opinion they are inferior. Am I sensing misogyny here?

      I dnt know if I have certain words like ‘equality’ in mind when I think about this man/woman issue, but it is a very obvious thing that society is biased and generally disrespectful of women, and women themselves help in propagating this evil. I do not consider myself a feminist in that sense, neither do I consider myself a “liberated woman’ coz in my mind I was never in bondage, I reject disrespect when it is metted out to me, and i’m quick to renounce being seen as just a woman. I am 1st and foremost a human being. It’s just basic human rights.
      At the end of the day, everyone accepts how they are treated according to how they view themselves, so it’s quite sad for me when I see women who accept being disrespected in various ways coz obviously their self images are skewed. Such women need help, it’s not about blaming the men who abuse/disrespect them.
      Lastly, I love the fact that I’m a woman. I wanna be a wife and a mother, and I wanna be all that with pride. Pple like me do not think getting married is d ultimate. We do not settle for men of questionable character coz we mant a MRS in front of our names, and we do not accept all that mannist crap from men. Women should know their worth and stand for it, and they should be proud of and own their natural God given roles and abilities no matter how skewed society is.

    • Di

      August 8, 2015 at 10:02 am

      Are you mentally ok? Men and women breathe the same air, susceptible to the same diseases but they are not equal??????? I work here in the states as the only female in my group and I am paid more than a good number of men in my team,!,

    • Girlbeingreal

      August 8, 2015 at 11:17 am

      No you won’t get it dear.. Cos you have your head so far up your ass. The only thing that makes sense to you is that you have a penis and a woman have a vagina. It’s not your fault dear.. You can just wrap your head around the word equality. You just weren’t wired to understand it.

    • Girlbeingreal

      August 8, 2015 at 11:18 am

      You can’t just

  15. Dara

    August 8, 2015 at 11:00 am

    I am female but I get confused everytime we go screaming equal we forget that biologically we aren’t completely equal most men are more powerful than women that’s where it started. When we say equal am sure we are not blind to how hard life can be @ times for men. Are we just equal when its good? When you say equal I hope you deny d little favours you gain because you are female. I hope you insist you do the really muscular jobs. Yes m for being treated humanely and Fairly but equal it will be too parochial bcoz we know we avoid d bad perks of being equal. I know I enjoy being pampered being equal doesn’t allow 4 such luxuries. The Devil’s advocate

    • Lala

      August 8, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Biologically, men are stronger but financial superiority is no longer due to physical but intellectual strength. Ever read that scripture, a man of knowledge increaseth strength?
      Generally, a man is equal to a woman as humans. Only in marriage is the equation slightly different, a man is the head- but the head amongst equals.
      The notion that apostle Paul said women should submit to men is wrong- he never said so. He said women should submit to their own husbands. (You have no business submitting to a man that’s not your husband). So no man should expect another woman to submit to him because he has a penis, that’s between him and his wife.
      Also, Paul did not only say women should submit to their husband’s, he also said, we all should submit to one another in humility: 1 pt 5: 5b.
      Look at it this way, Jesus the Son of God is one with God the Father and the Holy Spirit, but, He prayed to the Father…. So, in humility He submitted to the Father.
      Having stated the above- wisdom is profitable to direct. In an organization, those at the top will promote a likable person, not just the hard working person. That is why people suck up to their bosses- men especially, any where in the world. So women, what ever we have to do to rise along the ranks, we should do- except selling ourselves (if selling your self is your thing, sure, why not, its just not mine).
      About women allowing men- especially their husband’s disrespect them, hmm, here’s my take- it is prevalent sometimes because women don’t have the financial muscles to stand on their own. So, what do we do?
      1. You know the sort of individual you married. If you married a fool live with it. Abigail married a foolish man in the time of David. It did not stop her though from getting wealthy.
      2. If you’re not financially well off, and your husband is disrespectful, tell him mildly, but find a way to empower your self. Get more money, somehow its a game changer. If you’re a teacher or work any other job on low income, get a side gig. Braid her, learn to bake, decorate halls- look for something that brings in good money, not change. Forget about buying and selling- everyone can go to China. Find a way to open a creche, etc- start a nanny agency- keep police and finger print records of your nannies-, teach an after school lesson – 7k per student x 7 students is 49k- just do something. If you fail, fail forward.
      3. If you live abroad and you’re on your husband’s visa and he’s disrespectful and foolish, tell him nicely until you get your koko- all in all, lets apply wisdom in our unique circumstances.
      4. Finally , if you married a modern guy, any time he’s disrespectful, tell him straight up- Babe. I don’t like that, whether you earn nothing or live abroad on his visa- awaiting your koko, he will adjust, because he is sensible and smart and wants a guy like him for his daughter one day.
      By the way, the best place to marry a Nigerian man is in the west- cos you the woman are the real boss, lol- a wise woman won’t walk all over a good man, but alas, not all women are are smart, especially in the west!

    • Tomi

      August 8, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Before you guys start talking, you people should understand what feminism truly is. But
      before I continue with my short article, I want to tell you guys that I am a “supporter” of women rights. I know what men are doing to women that are wrong like: like early marriage, domestic abuse and the rest. A and then again, I know what women are doing to men, like taken advantage of men, but you see, people like to take advantage of opportunities where power and money is at stake, its human nature But then again feminism has gone way more than you think. It has its good side and then again there is a dark side.
      I am a student when it comes to world affairs; I literally dropped studying computer science to start studying social science. There is a science of how this world is been controlled and manipulated, if you can know this “hard knock” school and study it, you will understand how this world is truly controlled and all the whole puzzle will begin to fit together magically. When I studied how the world is been controlled, I realized that diseases like Aids and Ebola are just biochemical weapons, communism and terrorism is an agenda and so also feminism. I know some people may not believe this, but later they will understand… the people who really run this world, knows the ordinances of God and how the world should run but they are deliberately bent on destroying it. You should wonder why the world is in such a disorder?
      See look eh, let be real, women cannot not get the same rights like men, God is never a democrat he operates in order, the problem we are having in this world is order, not really understanding how things should be structured. God has placed man above woman; the man should love his wife and then again the woman should reverence her husband.
      On a more serious note, what is happening in America which is now spreading to the world; the promotion of “feminity” and the so called thing called “women rights” is not done to empower women but to gradually and indirectly destroy the family structure. The more power you give women the more women feel the less need for men. So empowered women can’t stay in a marriage, they feel they are “strong” they begin to fit into male roles, they often become un-submissive; they feel their fat bank accounts and degrees is the “in thing.” They have male kids, brought up without a father, so these men starts behaving and even dressing like women. The “father” effect is missing…
      In urban America homosexuality is increasing amid both sexes in a very high rate due to these faulty policies.
      Are you not witnessing an alarming trend? That the male figure is actually gradually depleting from the society, women can’t understand why men are becoming less responsible, men as “home founders” are now becoming a thing of the past. The male specie is becoming endangered… 🙁

      The increase in conformity to homosexuality didn’t just come up overnight; it is something that’s been indirectly induced into the society stealthily for a long period of time.
      The campaign for women empowerment seems to have good intent, but as we are seeing it, it has an underlying covert dark purpose…
      What the bible said is eternal: husbands love your wives, and wives submit to your husbands. That is that. 🙂
      Am not against women empowerment, in fact, am a supporter, but then the modern quest to empower women is not done in the right context and women who are joining this campaign don’t even know what lies at the bottom. It is done to manipulate the masses by “Big Brother” to condition their minds into feminism. Which will be on the long run have a negative effect on the society.
      The sole aim of this agenda is to destroy the family structure. We have witness an increase in failed marriages and a higher level of disagreement between both sexes in the last two centuries.
      What is happening in America is gradually happening to the world, the deliberate destruction of the family unit as we know it. History has her records: all empires who have bought into this “conformity” lifestyle have bought themselves into self-destruct. We as Christians must WATCH and pray and be conscious of the wiles of the devil!

    • Truth Teller

      August 10, 2015 at 11:12 am

      @Lala, did you copy and paste what I’ve been telling people, especially about women having NO business being submissive to men that they aren’t married to? The watch word here is respect and respect is reciprocal. Great points you raised, my thoughts exactly.

  16. Lala

    August 8, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    @ Bella, kindly post my previous comment. It want easy typing that long essay

  17. Who will marry who?

    August 8, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Paul in the bible was told that too much knowledge had spoilt his brain and beclouded his sense of reasoning. I would say same to you all.

    All these your silly rants no go reach anywhere. Who will marry who? Is it you that will marry me or i that will marry you? If you are the one, you can give me rules and regulations, if it is the other way round, you are a toothless dog. All your barks na wash!

    If you no wan marry, that one even better. just stay for your fathers house and be dragging equality with your father, elder brothers, junior brothers and male colleagues at work.

    Equality my fore fore great grand fathers foot.

    1. Equality and i still pay bride price? As if my father no send me to school abroad the same way your father did

    2. Equality and i pay for the house rent/buy the house and you move into my house. Why shouldn’t it be the other way round?

    3. Equality and i buy you the wedding gown, shoes, clothes, feed your family, give money to everyone in your family. Why cant you be the one buying my wedding suit and catering for the wedding expenses?

    4. Equality and you want me to open the door for you; allow you use the rest room first, even though you met me there, Till the day you start doing that, it would be equality.

    5. Equality and you want me to be paying the school fees, give feeding money, give you vacation/traveling allowance. Till the day you start doing that, i would consider equality

    6. Equality and you are waiting for my call everytime as i am the man meant to call abi?

    7. Equality and you expect me to go fix the car for you when it spoils despite the fact that i bought the car for you, you use it alone and when it gets spoilt you expect me to go fix it for you

    8. Equality and you expect me to go confront armed robbers when they visit cos i am the man abi?

    9. Equality and you expect me to go queue for fuel irrespective of the time of the day, midnight, in the sun…for the car i bought for you and you use alone?

    10. Equality and you determine when you want to have sex? When you are tired, there is no sex but when you are horny, you want it at all cost irrespective of whether i am tired or not. If i don’t, i am sleeping with a side chic outside or i am a two minutes man

    11. Equality and we go shopping, and you expect me to carry the heavy ones? carry the bigger keg? put the generator on for you, nail the “nailables”, fix the “fixables”, climb to replace the bulbs, kill the goat, chicken or even snake in the compound cos i am the man

    12. Oh lest i forget,
    you cook this week i cook next week
    you do laundry this week, i do next week
    you clean, mop, sweep the house this week and i do next week
    you do dishes this week and i do next week

    Finally, i must say that your brains are damaged and leaking. You know within yourself that you are on a journey of no return. All your cries stop on Bellanaija. You will still beg your boyfriend you caught with a side chic not to break up with you.

    Fella talk am finish, shakara oloje ni
    All na wash!

    N.B, I have no time for any reply to my comment.

    • Lala

      August 8, 2015 at 7:41 pm

      Unfortunately for you, I am happily married to a wonderful dude and we both bear the financial costs of our lives together.
      LOL, you’re the foolish husband I was talking about. Ladies beware!

    • Truth Teller

      August 10, 2015 at 11:23 am

      @whowillmrray you, better get off your imaginary high horse of utmost silliness, wow! Just wow. It’s people like you that make women not look forward to marriage. I have, seen strong, independent women that cater to their needs, and that of their men, not because of anything other than seeing themselves as ONE! Some of us fix our tyres ( yes! I made the driver teach me how to do that in case I got stuck with a flat tyre, and no help within), pay the bills, school fees , put on the Gen,drive, e.t.c. How stupid for you to think that only men do that. If that’s what you do, that’s your problem and business, but don’t go around confusing people to accept that women don’t, LIE!!!

      Upside down people with whooped up mentalities in 2015 trying to drag others to the Stone Age.

  18. Anon today

    August 8, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Feminist agenda means growth for women? Well, I prefer Chimamanda’s definition. I can’t reproduce it here now.
    Having said that, I insist that men and women are not the same. Not that women are chattels. No, they are not just the same with men and they should be treated differently in many regards. XX is not XY.
    I’ve helped ladies with their luggage so many times, and ladies do expect such assistance from time to time. But I’m not aware of a healthy young man I’ll offer such hand. Women are delicate, fragile and always in need of some cosseting and pampering. Men are not so built.
    It’s okay to see a couple share bills in some countries but in many others (Nigeria especially) the man insists on paying the bill. I can’t remember going to a restaurant with a lady, splitting the bill and asking her to bring her part. It’s not possible. Not because she can’t handle it, but because that’s just the way it is around here. That’s the way I know how to treat a lady and I think it’s okay.
    You can’t place Lionel Messi and Asisat Oshoala in the same football team. Not because Messi is a man and therefore a superior creature, nay, but because they are not the same. Layla Ali and Floyd Mayweather cannot fight.
    If the contest is such that would not expose the obvious difference between men and women (e.g intellectual) then merit should hold sway. And most reasonable men and institutions have applied merit in that regard.
    I believe in equality of all. How you define your ‘equality’ is where we might disagree. There are some societal roles apportioned to both sexes. Some negate equality. Many others are harmless but the extremist won’t give it a rest. I read many comments on this blog that tend to demonise men. Some have serious issues with cooking. Well, I cook for myself. I can cook for us. However, there has to be an unwritten agreement that you own the kitchen more than I will ever do, as long as you’re in good health.
    I know my responsibilities. Societal, traditional, self-imposed, I know them. And I’ll ensure you don’t waste a second fulfilling them. Other roles could be apparently feminine and if you infuse a lot of feminist education into it there might be friction.
    In all, I’m just saying we’re equal but not the same.

    • Tunmi

      August 8, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Statements like “But I’m not aware of a healthy young man I’ll offer such hand. Women are delicate, fragile and always in need of some cosseting and pampering. Men are not so built.” Are more damaging than you think. It is actually very sexist. It is called benevolent sexism.

      To borrow from everyday feminism: Benevolent sexism – which is often perpetuated by people of all genders who feel positively towards women that conform to traditional and stereotypical ideas about feminine behavior, and who would never think their own actions had any malicious motivations –refers to discrimination that is couched in favorable terms and which is often presented in ways that express appreciation for women or comes under the guise of protecting or caring about women.

      The damage is that “Such attributes can seem positive, but they reduce women to a stereotype many just don’t fit into. They also strip men of the ability to freely express similar qualities themselves.”

      everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/benevolent-sexism-assumptions/?utm_content=buffer2e719&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

  19. kim kim

    August 8, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    I dont blame you. I blame the way u were brought up…marriage is not the be all of life. What do u mean by who will marry u?? Men out there who have their heads in the right place will marry us. We dont need to marry things like u. And if no husbands come..I am totally fine with being alone. And who says that a woman cannot contribute to buying the family house?? Why can a woman not buy her own car?? Who says a woman cannot contribute to paying her kids fees?? Why should a woman not be able to carry her own shopping bags?? If we want equity. We should be ready to pay the price.

    • who will marry who?

      August 8, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      You cant even read and digest, your case is finished
      Said who will marry who now who will marry you?

      Shebi it is equality, why are you waiting for the husbands to come, just go out there and marry them na.

      Ignorance is a disease worse than poverty

  20. Rue

    August 8, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    So I am curious. What if you meet a woman who believes in sharing all these duties with you. Fixing her own car when its bad, splitting the bills, the rent and everything else. Will you then treat her like an equal? I believe in shared financial and domestic responsibilities in marriage, so I hope to meet a man who respects that and gives me the fairness and equality I deserve.

  21. Tomi

    August 8, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Before you guys start talking, you people should understand what feminism truly is. But before I continue with my short article, I want to tell you guys that I am a “supporter” of women rights. I know what men are doing to women that are wrong like: like early marriage, domestic abuse and the rest. A and then again, I know what women are doing to men, like taken advantage of men, but you see, people like to take advantage of opportunities where power and money is at stake, its human nature But then again feminism has gone way more than you think. It has its good side and then again there is a dark side.
    I am a student when it comes to world affairs; I literally dropped studying computer science to start studying social science. There is a science of how this world is been controlled and manipulated, if you can know this “hard knock” school and study it, you will understand how this world is truly controlled and all the whole puzzle will begin to fit together magically. When I studied how the world is been controlled, I realized that diseases like Aids and Ebola are just biochemical weapons, communism and terrorism is an agenda and so also feminism. I know some people may not believe this, but later they will understand… the people who really run this world, knows the ordinances of God and how the world should run but they are deliberately bent on destroying it. You should wonder why the world is in such a disorder?
    See look eh, let be real, women cannot not get the same rights like men, God is never a democrat he operates in order, the problem we are having in this world is order, not really understanding how things should be structured. God has placed man above woman; the man should love his wife and then again the woman should reverence her husband.
    On a more serious note, what is happening in America which is now spreading to the world; the promotion of “feminity” and the so called thing called “women rights” is not done to empower women but to gradually and indirectly destroy the family structure. The more power you give women the more women feel the less need for men. So empowered women can’t stay in a marriage, they feel they are “strong” they begin to fit into male roles, they often become un-submissive; they feel their fat bank accounts and degrees is the “in thing.” They have male kids, brought up without a father, so these men starts behaving and even dressing like women. The “father” effect is missing…
    In urban America homosexuality is increasing amid both sexes in a very high rate due to these faulty policies.
    Are you not witnessing an alarming trend? That the male figure is actually gradually depleting from the society, women can’t understand why men are becoming less responsible, men as “home founders” are now becoming a thing of the past. The male specie is becoming endangered… 🙁

    The increase in conformity to homosexuality didn’t just come up overnight; it is something that’s been indirectly induced into the society stealthily for a long period of time.
    The campaign for women empowerment seems to have good intent, but as we are seeing it, it has an underlying covert dark purpose…
    What the bible said is eternal: husbands love your wives, and wives submit to your husbands. That is that. 🙂
    Am not against women empowerment, in fact, am a supporter, but then the modern quest to empower women is not done in the right context and women who are joining this campaign don’t even know what lies at the bottom. It is done to manipulate the masses by “Big Brother” to condition their minds into feminism. Which will be on the long run have a negative effect on the society.
    The sole aim of this agenda is to destroy the family structure. We have witness an increase in failed marriages and a higher level of disagreement between both sexes in the last two centuries.
    What is happening in America is gradually happening to the world, the deliberate destruction of the family unit as we know it. History has her records: all empires who have bought into this “conformity” lifestyle have bought themselves into self-destruct. We as Christians must WATCH and pray and be conscious of the wiles of the devil!

    • Hian

      August 8, 2015 at 9:01 pm

      I never thought I would see the day but I suspected it will come. A man has blamed all societal ills on women. Ha some of you Naija men need to go back to the drawing board…what is this complex you have? What is so bad about women being seen as equal. Are you so insecure?. Brother Tomi, you did not leave Computer Science to study any Social Science and dear sir, you know nothing about homosexuality or feminism or what is happening in most parts of the world. As Christians, what is happening should not surprise you but for you to blame it on feminism or women’s rights is shocking!
      I pray when you have daughters, you do not raise them to think they are inferior to any man. You are quoting submission to man and wife. No where were we told a woman is to submit to any random man. Please get that right and understand that women and men are equal beings with different roles in society. If that does not sit well with you and other men, then you sit back and allow the rest of us to progress. When you are tired of whining, you will adjust to the reality “on ground”

    • nene

      August 8, 2015 at 9:37 pm

      best comment! you are wise

    • Tunmi

      August 8, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      Oh my goodness, this is utterly false. The absence of a father does not make or turn male children into effeminate individuals.

    • nikky

      August 9, 2015 at 4:50 am

      With the advent of blogging and sharing opinions on Internet sites, I have come to accept trolls as one on the darker sides of this vital tool that connects the world. What saddens me however is that there are people out there that actually believe this shit for real. Agree or disagree with equality of the genders in whatever shape it comes in, I can guarantee you that there is no conspiracy targeting men to make them effeminate or to destroy the world..stop peddling conspiracies as fact.

  22. kimkim

    August 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    So, we should continue to suffer in marriages in order to decrease the rates?? If women being treated as equals with men mean that the family unit is threatened, then so be it. Women will no longer continue to be silent.

  23. Free the nipple ?

    August 9, 2015 at 12:03 am

    Society before now has set these rules. Hence the reason people see feminist as out of place. Yes women are contributing factors to our own problems only because we have been taught to fight for a mans attention ie work environment, amongst extended families, social media. There are extreme feminist (free the nipples ?aka Malcolm X) and peaceful feminist (MLK Jr) all still fighting the same cause.
    Feminism means different things to different people, to me it means wether i chose to sleep with more than one man or not, or wether i want to be a house wife of working mother, married or single, submissive or assertive, i can be or do these things without being labelled negatively. I say Yay to girl Power!

    • EllesarisEllendil

      August 9, 2015 at 1:01 am

      Ahh an idealist!!. You’ll still be judged, just the way humans are. Just like a Man who chooses to sleep with a woman other than his wife, a house husband, a Man single for too long and a submissive Man. Not even political correctness can stifle human nature.

      BTW since the all knowing moderator is fine with “nipples”, how exactly does one free inverted nipples???

    • free the nipple :)

      August 9, 2015 at 4:29 am

      thats why i said society has set the rules, men can not be seen as emotional or submissive, assertive women are lonely and frustrated, i guess thats where the ‘men are better leaders’ comes from. as long as the position i decide to take does not affect anyone (in most cases cheating would affect my family) why should i be labelled negatively. lmao! idk for inverted nipples oo, but no one is left out inverted or not. .fyi im not part of the free the nipple movement, but those who are have their reasons

    • free the nipple :)

      August 9, 2015 at 4:52 am

      black liberation in some societies was also once considered idealistic ya know :). As long as the feminist conversation stays on things will change, not immediately but give it a while. 😉

  24. Bibie

    August 10, 2015 at 12:07 am

    How can we affect change in the world when only half of it is invited or feel welcome to participate in the conversation? – Emma Watson.

    @Bruno’s comment reminds me: Years ago, I had to ask a female feminist and colleague why there were so many female mentorship organisations/initiatives in the corporate space and not much for men. She told me it is because men seem to mentor and encourage themselves naturally in the corporate/business space but women… women need an extra push. In this case they are the cause of their own problems.

    She quickly opened my eyes to some of the incredible things that were happening in our office then; How Women fought themselves and pulling each other down while most of the men felt less threatened by their male and female subordinates and encourage them. I couldn’t agree more.

    In many cultures, females treat women as bad as males. In my community, in the past, (Thank God its in the past), its the women that grab the poor widow during a burial and shave her hair; its the women that call her names and accuse her of killing her own husband (or their brother). Her sister in-laws banish her from their homes (for fear the widow will snatch their husband, I’m not sure why). In my mother’s case, I was told it was the menfolks that stopped the womenfolks from forcing her to drink the water from her late husband’s corps. They were bend on doing it.

    Most men are uncomfortable with feminism because it reeks of man-hating and while many feminists deny it, its is true that it is unfortunately positioned as a man vs woman battle.
    it is not.

    The Feminism agenda will only succeed when it is positioned as a love message and not a hate/bitter one. When we make Africa see that she can more than double its socioeconomic potentials when it empowers its women. When you say “come men & women lets empower our girls and ourselves” and not “Come girls, this is our thing, lets go kick some balls”. You will need male feminists. So far, feminism is a woman movement for women only, and that I believe, is a problem.

  25. Adefu

    August 10, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Pastor: May God bless you all

    Everybody: Amen

    Feminist: Awomen

    Sincerely… I just can’t. Lmao

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