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Ari: To Abort or Not

Ari

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Abortion, D&C… whatever you call it is the removal of a foetus from the uterus. This can be due to a number of reasons, but it’s usually because the mother does not want the baby. I think almost everyone knows someone who has had an abortion. Abortion is a crime in Nigeria, but yet the number of people that have this procedure done by quacks, medical doctors or gynaecologists is staggering.

There is the Pro-life and Pro-choice argument. See, I believe in both. A woman should be able to get an abortion in certain circumstances. The main categories for this stance are when the health of mother or foetus is in danger and pregnancy resulting from rape.

I do not approve of abortion being a form of birth control. Pregnancy is a consequence of sex. (The number of people that have unprotected sex is staggering, with friends strangers etc. People whose sexual history and health you know nothing about, but that’s a story for another day). Why not use a combination of contraceptives before sex? (please Postinor is not a contraceptive). I have always had this stance but in recent times, I’ve heard of ladies being in circumstances that have had me wondering if I’m a hypocrite.

I’ve summarized a couple of these stories below:

  • Fiona thought Steve was ‘The One’. She had no issues with having unprotected sex, he also didn’t seem to mind. She felt a pregnancy would only hasten what was already meant to be. She got pregnant, Folarin asked her “For whom? What do you want to do about it?” He broke up with her after that. Fiona couldn’t bear the thought of being an “after one”; she would rather die than tell her parents she was pregnant without a boyfriend/fiance, so she got an abortion.
  • Salma had four kids, all under the age of ten. The fourth kid was unplanned as she had an IUD in place, but belonged among that small percentage of women whose IUDs fail. She decided on a tubal ligation. Well, as luck would have it, she also belonged to the smaller percentage of women who get pregnant after a tubal ligation. Salma couldn’t bear the thought of having a fifth child; the energy, sleepless nights, financial implication as well as other reasons. She and her husband agreed an abortion was the best decision.
  • Deola and Timi dated for 3 years. He was such a darling, heaven sent. Everyone loved him. A couple of months after they got married, Timi started having mood swings. This escalated to severe beatings. She lost a tooth during one of such episodes. Turns out he had some sort of mental disorder and had stopped taking his medication. She was distraught as he never mentioned anything about the illness or seeing a psychiatrist. All efforts by her, his parents and his doctor to get him to take his medication fell on deaf ears. He was admitted to the hospital but eventually discharged as he was cognizant enough and intentionally refused to attend any sessions with his doctor and also refused to take his medication. She decided to divorce him but found out she was pregnant. Better to be divorced without a baby to show for it than to have two different tags attached to her.
  • Emilia was a second year student on scholarship in a Christian University. She was a very brilliant student. She got pregnant during the holidays before the second semester commenced. If the University staff found out about her pregnancy, it would mean forfeiting her scholarship as well as expulsion. Her parents were poor; they could barely afford to give her pocket money. She didn’t even tell her boyfriend about the pregnancy; she got an abortion.

Of all the stories above, the only scenario I was sure would make me consider abortion was the one about Salma.

Considering the above scenarios, what would you do? Have you ever had an abortion or know someone who had one? Why was an abortion necessary? In hindsight, would you still have gotten an abortion?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Sam74100

I’m Ari. A thirty-something wife, mother and civil engineer. I have a B.Sc & M.Sc degree in Civil & Environmental Engineering. I’m a know-it-all; ask me anything and I’ll have an answer for you. I would love to learn how to code, swim and improve on my writing.

78 Comments

  1. mrs chidukane

    September 28, 2015 at 10:34 am

    I think most abortions would be avoided if mothers would educate their daughters on sex and ovulation and stop pretending their children will not have sex. That Christian University girl may have gone to visit a toaster and he seduced her/or date raped her without protection and she got pregnant because she didn’t know about morning after pills. I intend to be very candid with my children regarding sex and all that. I know how curious I was about stuff like that, better they hear it from me than from friends who may mislead them.

    • i want answers

      September 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      Very right maam, alot of mothers like to pretend their kids are not having sex.

      Can i have your email address ma @ MRS CHIDUKANE

    • ADA MILAN

      September 28, 2015 at 2:09 pm

      The problem is, you think only daughters ought to be educated. Daughters do not impregnate themselves. We ought to educate both males and females! Yes it’s the woman that carries the baby but we cannot warn our daughters about getting pregnant without warning our sons about impregnating someone or accepting responsibilities when/if it happens. After all, that pregnant girl/woman out there, is somebody’s daughter who was impregnated by somebody’s son. A man can impregnate 13 women and flee and he’ll still be regarded as a man. Yet, a woman becomes a devil if she gets pregnant once.

      Often times, some young women in Africa or conservative regions have no choice than to abort because the men refuses to take part in raising the child. You and I both know that raising a child that is not “claimed” by his father in Africa is HELL. In many situations, the man’s family urges the men/boys to leave the “whore” and find a pure woman. She wasn’t a whore when the romping was going on but she becomes one as soon as she gets pregnant. The society bastardize women who are pregnant out of wedlock and their children and the same people who condone and engage in this bastardization are the same ones saying oh no, don’t abort because God this and that. They forget God however when they torment those people.

      Again, you put the burden of educating daughters on mothers instead of parents. Parents should have a joint effort in raising and nurturing their children. Education can be implemented by BOTH parents. It doesn’t always have to be mothers advising daughters and fathers advising sons. It’s more important that parents foster a healthy growing environment for their children instead of worrying about frivolities. We tend to spend so much energy on educating our women to be “virtuous” but we often fail to educate our sons to be virtuous too or do we want to raise virtuous daughters and send them off to the home of a tout? I don’t think so! Therefore, we have to educate our children equally regarding this issue among other things.

      As someone who has worked extensively with suicide groups and other advocacy groups over the years, I can refute the author’s ignorant claim that most abortions are done because the woman simply doesn’t want the baby. Actually dearie, a large number of procedures is done due to: rape/incest (you will be mortified if you see the stats), abuse from the baby’s father or pressure from families (to avoid “shame”), fear of being maltreated and marginalized (which is quite common), health issues, fear/shame/disgust and much more, Yes, in some cases, some people do abort because they don’t want the child but it is hardly the number one reason. For those who abort because they don’t want the child, they deserve our love and respect too. It’s not an easy process or a walk in the park, so forget what ill informed people say about abortions.

      We Nigerians often love to put on a self=righteous and religious armor whenever we want to show how awesome and holy we are. The same people saying it doesn’t matter if it was rape would be the first to taunt the woman and the child. They will be the first to say don’t bring that bastard around me. They will be the first to say “if she wasn’t dressing or behaving like a hooker, she wouldn’t have been raped” among other claptrap. We can’t talk about God’s love and whatnot then shun people when they need that love the most.

      PLEASE LET US EDUCATE OURSELVES WELL BEFORE WE TRY TO EDUCATE OTHERS!

      PS: Mrs Chidukane, my post is not a swipe at yours. I wrote specific things in response to some of the things you wrote, but overall, my message is generic. Have a good day!

    • Theresa

      September 28, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      God bless you madam

    • Mary Cole

      September 29, 2015 at 4:01 am

      Love this article, right on point. God bless you.

    • Bruness

      September 29, 2015 at 6:54 am

      @ ADA MILAN Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! I don’t need to read any further, you satisfied my appetite with your comment to this post.

    • Mbeke feeling funky

      September 29, 2015 at 8:42 am

      @ Ada Milan, your comment is everything . Worth the read and then some.

    • glowy

      September 29, 2015 at 11:05 am

      Hmmmm ADA MILAN GOD bless u,i say GOD bless u inshort GOD bless u again.we need more of ur kind in dis world.it will be well with u and ur children if u have.GOD bless u again.u are not only kind u have sense Veryyyy well.pls if u can,do drop ur email I’m sure many people will want to contact u

    • Seriously

      September 28, 2015 at 5:50 pm

      What about ladies who willingly have sex and enjoy it. It’s nice that mothers can educate but many ladies know about sex and the consequence. It’s not always the man who is aggressive or seducing them. Many ladies live a reckless sexual life. When they get pregnant or get caught, all of a sudden they play victim.
      Nigerian girls are great at pretending. If you are sexually active, take responsibility for it and the consequences.

  2. Laila

    September 28, 2015 at 11:09 am

    I had an abortion once.
    I was in an abusive relationship and found out I was pregnant after I broke up with the guy.
    I aborted it.
    Funny enough, I ‘miss’ the baby. I know how old he/she would have been. I knew the EDD. Truth be told, I regret it, but I didn’t have any other option at the time.

  3. nene+

    September 28, 2015 at 11:13 am

    My answer is NO ABORTION!!! Having a baby you don’t quite love the dad is always always better than barrenness!!!!

    If you ask barren women, they will tell you.

    A child well trained can have a different personality from the bad dad. That the child will be bad like the father,is often because he/she was trained with the dads orientation.

    As for Salma yours is the worst! Other DO NOT have an excuse. Keep that child!!! You will be proud of not killing your Barack Obama, my mums most intelligent child and prince charming-one of Africa best doctor,a baby professor in my family would have been in the drain because my mum took in too early and had too many. she tot of flushing that child but held on, don’t kill your life saver, Thou shall not kill!!!! Rule nos 6!!!!

    Truly don’t kill that gorgeous child, give nene+ if cant help your self but don’t come back for him/her lol.

    Frankely don’t kill, a child you kill today you will regret tomorrow. Ask women who are trying to conceive (TTC.) The agony of no conception is worst than the shame you think you have now. Carry that child jare!

  4. bruno

    September 28, 2015 at 11:24 am

    ” I think almost everyone knows someone who has had an abortion. ”

    I had to stop reading this article after that sentence. pls speak for ur self, I dont know any body who has gotten an abortion before.
    what a sweeping statement, not that there’s anything wrong with getting an abortion.

    • B for Bruno

      September 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      ‘almost’.

      Thank heavens you stopped reading.

    • @bi

      September 28, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      Exactly how i felt when i read that line! I don’t know a single person who has had an abortion and i say that with all honesty. So please only state facts, figures and stats…..it makes your articles more credible.

  5. Nana

    September 28, 2015 at 11:25 am

    I am in my mid-thirties and my husband and I have one son. We adore our son and he is the centre of the universe and it is for this reason we are very pro-choice.

    We are both the primary care givers for our child, no nanny, no live in relative, no maid and we made this decision because we had planned from the beginning to be very hands on in our parenting. It is exhausting sometimes but it means we have been there for every milestone and we are grateful for the privilege to do so.

    It also underscores for us the sacrifice and selflessness that parenting requires. It is not a burden to be tolerated. It is a responsibility you take on with your whole heart, mindful that the only thanks you will get is guiding another human being to a happy and fulfilling adulthood.

    Parenting is not a decision you FORCE on a person, the responsibility is simply too great and important.

    I say this also as someone with a personality-disordered mother whose self-centeredness and abuse caused me great pain and suffering my whole life. In periods of difficulty my mother would lament not aborting me and how I am responsible for her present predicament. I heard this message from as young as 4 years old. My other siblings are badly damaged from the experience, my younger brother is a drop out and a drug addict.

    If you don’t believe in abortion, simply don’t get one. But if you know that you cannot love your child unconditionally and rise up to the monumental task of being a parent, please get an abortion. It is the better option for you, for the child and for society at large.

    • I wish I didn't

      October 3, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      I wish I never had that abortion. I was 5 months gone. I was 18 years old. I was more scared of what my mum would do to me and the disgrace I would bring on the family and how my dad and step mom would go round broadcasting to everyone, than to keep the baby. A friend took me to a hospital where it was induced. She was still breathing. I named her kike. That was Jan 20…

      Fast forward to today, married, working but praying seriously for a child. I feel I’m being punished for doing that. My husband has once blames me for not being able to conceive. I truly believe I’m the cause.

      I’ve asked for forgiveness from God, but I guess this is the consequence.

      Please say no to abortion. It is a life. Better to endure the temporary shame and mockery but reap the rewards later.

      I still remember her. So precious. My Kike.

  6. Blessedheart

    September 28, 2015 at 11:27 am

    I DO NOT support abortion for any reason. Since I got pregnant and discovered that at 4 weeks since last menstrual period, when you usually just discover you’re pregnant, the foetus has already has a nervous system and brain, my stance was only strengthened. I support the use of postinor in the case of rape because I believe fertilisation may not have occurred the morning after anyway. I know there are difficult situations but that’s life, you’re not going to kill off every human being who seem to make life difficult for you by their very existence.
    Also, as a Christian, I recently discovered that as soon as conception occurs, God sees that child as a human and not just a foetus. Remember Esau and Jacob in the womb? God told Rebecca she had 2 NATIONS in her womb. Also, there are many references to show that God knows every baby in the womb even before they’re fully formed. If you’re a Christian and that doesn’t scare you, you should have a rethink of your belief in God.
    Please, if you must have sex, USE PROTECTION. And if it fails, then there must be a reason. The only justification, in my opinion, is if the mother’s health is in jeopardy.

  7. ElessarisEllendil

    September 28, 2015 at 11:35 am

    I only ever talk about my Mother because my Father wanted me aborted The thought that all my life experiences would have been wiped out by the wrong decision is frightening. If the child won’t kill you, For the love of all that is decent in the world don’t KILL it.

  8. larz

    September 28, 2015 at 11:47 am

    Ari

    Seems highly opinionated to me. Salma is a mother so it is ok for her to have an abortion.

    What if the other four, got pregnant, had their baby, couldn’t raise them. Turn to prostitution or something nasty, pimp their child out and raise a new generation of degenerates. Would that be ok too? Don’t we see this everyday with black Americans in the ghettos? Abstinence is best, contraception is better but not preferred, choosing to abort is not ideal but it sure isn’t the worst worst scenario. Other than scenarios above, do we really need more children in foster care or orphanages or babies dumped/ flushed down the toilet or resentful parents and society to label that child a bastard.

    • Jade

      September 28, 2015 at 12:06 pm

      While I don’t know the thought behind Ari’s choice, I would also get an abortion if I were Salma. Salma took active conscious steps to prevent being pregnant. IUD, Tubal Ligation! She was sure she didn’t want a baby. Alas, she got one.
      Please miss me with that “he could have been the next Obama, Jobs, Gates etc’. Same people saying that will turn up their noses at her and say her kids are unkempt, she can’t afford fees, etc.

  9. lily

    September 28, 2015 at 11:59 am

    its all about choice, and that law needs to be fixed, the constitution should not decide for you if you want to keep your baby or not, its a choice and your right to decide. this may sound crude but despite all the instances above, no one really has the right to judge. you want it? keep it! you dont want it? then do not keep it… the decision is yours to make, not the lawmakers, not the doctor ,not a family member but You

  10. Segun

    September 28, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    For every single person who is anti-abortion I have just one question: How many unwanted children have you personally ADOPTED, brought into you home, given your last name, loved and nurtured and raised? You can be anti-abortion but are you willing to raise the child that the mother decided she could not raise? If you haven’t adopted any child, then I am sorry you are a hypocrite.

    Given birth to a child is easy, raising one is bloody difficult and I understand that there are people who do not believe they can successfully do the raising part.

    • larz

      September 28, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      Thank you Segun! I think I will steal that from you actually, if you dont mind,

    • justme

      September 28, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      The reason I have not adopted any children or taken any child in my home is because I am not ready to be a mother at this point in my life..which is the same reason why I would take caution and be care not to get pregnant. Who gives anyone the right or power over another human beings life especially someone who can’t speak for themselves. My problem is with a good population of the the people having abortions and giving silly reasons they are very uneducated and irresponsible. And as someone above stated it is not just the girls at fault, both men, women, boys and girls should be educated on sex and sexuality. Girls don’t get then selves pregnant, men play an important role and as such should be educated on these things too. Teach our children about self esteem and how to properly court each other. We are too quick to push the blame on women, from the original post about Fiona and steve,why would Steve not take measures to prevent someone he is dating from getting pregnant when you know fully well that you are not ready for a child. My point is sex education needs to be taught properly in Nigeria and if you are not prebablynfornthr responsibilities that could come with having sex then please be very cautious or stay away from it.

    • Eve

      September 28, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      Best comment here

  11. Jade

    September 28, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    True Story.

    I know a lady who had a 10 month old son. She was barely coping with being a mum n wife n having a job to support the family. Her husband was also a deadbeat. She was the sole financial provider at home (husband wasn’t making any effort to get a job or start a business).
    She found out she was pregnant again and felt she couldn’t cope with havin 2kids under 2 years of age. She had an abortion

    When she was ready for a 2nd child, she and her husband tried n tried, and she didn’t get pregnant. She eventually got pregnant via IVF.

    She died giving birth to the baby.

    🙁 🙁 🙁

    #TheEnd

    • Thelma

      September 28, 2015 at 12:22 pm

      And your point is…..?

      I hope you are not making the asinine suggestion that she died as some sort of divine punishment for the child she aborted earlier. If that is so, then I guess the over 36,000 women who die each year in this country giving birth must also be being punished by God.

      And lest we forget, the 5,000 of those women who died as TEENAGE mothers. Yup, being punished by God.

      Idiot.

  12. Blah blah

    September 28, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Of all the stories above, the only scenario I was sure would make me consider abortion was the one about Salma.
    Seriously, who are you to judge other people’s choices? Should Emilia the girl at the Christian university risk her future to have a baby she can’t even give a good life? Her parents are poor. She’s on a scholarship. Her life would end. The baby would be born into penury. But that’s ok because of your Christian judgmental mind?
    Anyway these are just made up stories cos every scenario up there can be justified. I have never been pregnant. Heck I have never even had sex. But if my friend comes to me crying because she finds herself in any one of the above scenarios and she’s sure she wants an abortion, I will hold her hand and be there for her. Btw I am a Christian and I believe before we were born God knew us. And I also believe a woman has got the right to choose for herself what she does with her body as long as she can make an informed choice and live with the consequences. It’s called free will and God has given that to us.

    • Blah blah

      September 28, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      You didn’t mention you are Christian, I apologise. My mind must have read that in.

    • Niyoola

      September 28, 2015 at 1:17 pm

      But did she say she would judge others?
      She said she would abort if she were Salma, does that mean she’ll judge, bash n call out the others?

    • Eve

      September 28, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      I totally agree with you… People are soo quick to judge other people’s lives and choices meanwhile they would never lift a finger to help those same people and yet they claim to be the ones that follow Christ or love him the most. But Jesus our lord said “DO NOT JUDGE”

    • molarah

      September 29, 2015 at 12:07 pm

      Please look for and read ‘Atonement Child’ by Francine Rivers. A life remains a life, no matter what circumstances under which it was formed. An abortion is simply giving a dog a bad name in order to hang it, that’s what Nazi Germany under Hitler did to justify the genocide of Jews. Life cannot be dispensable and precious to you at the same time. If you decide to go along with the abortion, also welcome the tag of ‘murderer’, because that’s what you just did.

  13. NIRA

    September 28, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    I got pregnant after I was raped by an armed robber, of course I aborted it, with my parents accompanying me to the hospital. It’s easy for ppl to say Never, Tufiakwa, etc. when they’ve not been faced with certain situations. Judge not.

    • Eaglebabe

      September 28, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      So sorry dear…You made the right choice. I do not see myself loving a child from rape…That pain will always be there

    • ADA MILAN

      September 28, 2015 at 2:10 pm

      You are a soldier for not only taking control of such a situation but also for sharing your experience with us on this platform!

    • kikikiki

      September 28, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      @ Nira, you are nira and natu okwaya?

      Hmmmm fake people

    • Natu

      September 28, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      What ? Why are you mentioning my name? Abeg don’t test the kid.

    • ATL's finest

      September 28, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Hhahahahha see hot TEA!!! Okokobiko @ Kikikkkki U wouldn’t kill me with laughy.. @ Natu bursted sometimes her comment dey tire me chai Kikkkk u are bad and U also included her last Name too???? ????????? I’m DONE with U haha

    • NIRA

      October 1, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      Nope, we’re different ppl.

  14. Jelly_Jes

    September 28, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    I believe its a matter of choice irrespective of the scenarios cos the bottomline is one must be ready and willing to care for their child. Its a tough decision (speaking from experience) but avoid abuse of the procedure and never bring a child into this world and lace his/her life with hate (all of the “if not for u” syndrome) simply cos u could not be brave about your choices.
    And yes mothers need to take on this task head on of educating their daughters and sons about sex.
    Am married now for 4yrs with 2 adorable kids that i love to death and yeah am planning my family carefully!

  15. Ann

    September 28, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I’m very pro choice. Very. Your body, your decision. No one should be forced to be a mother. I’ve seen people who had shitty childhoods and are just extremely fucked up cos they had mothers who never wanted to be mothers. Also, I love how everyone talks about keeping oregnancy when none of you have actually donated to a motherless baby’s home. None of you have adopted children. It’s all fine to force someone to bring a child into this world but no thought for the actually wellbeing of the child once the child is actually on this earth.
    I’m very very pro choice. I remember a friend of mine who for pregnant at 19 and she wanted to abort but her parents told her they’d disown her. She has a child now and she told me she’s never having another and she regrets not getting the abortion cos she said at the end of the day she was the one who had to work two jobs, she’s the one who had to drop out of school. All these people telling you not to get an abortion will not be there!! Better do what’s good for your life!
    Also, abortion should be legal because as we can tell from our own nigerian where it’s illegal people will still get abortions the difference being that it will be very unsafe abortions. People are going to get abortions anyway so it’s better to make sure it’s gotten in a safe environment.

  16. Niyoola

    September 28, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    But did she say she would judge others?
    She said she would abort if she were Salma, does that mean she’ll judge, bash n call out the others?

  17. Krabby

    September 28, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    I have had abortion before….. I was careless and not using protection,not once or twice…… Do i regret?of course i am human with conscience so yes it pricks me all the time and how stupid i was .Would i do it NOW? NO! I am older,wiser and more prepared for everything that would come my way…
    PS: Contrary to the “myth”, abortion does not make you barren.It is only when it is done by quacks and not qualified medical personnel. that complications can arise from it.

  18. Vida

    September 28, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Abortion is the easy way out. I have more respect for the single mothers who have their children despite the shame and difficulty.

    • Prec

      September 28, 2015 at 3:10 pm

      Abortion is not an easy way out nothing, do you know the risks of having an abortion, the psychological effects, the guilt, you think life is Nollywood? There’s nothing easy about it.

    • Alem

      September 28, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Jeeze easy way indeed. Please chill with the judgemental attitude. No way is an easy way. Abortion is equally risky, or perhaps you would also ‘admire’ the one that would have the baby only to abandon it right?

    • Damseldam1

      September 29, 2015 at 12:14 am

      Abortion is not an easy way out it has effect on you psychologically. I got pregnant when I was at the uni and the guy ran away so I decided to carry my cross as I didn’t believe in abortion I think I was like 3 months gone. So my parents forced me to get abortion simply because they were concerned about their reputation smh!! Imagine that! So they were in my face on getting abortion and they even took me to the centre. I saw the baby knew the sex even the dd. Menh I felt so guilty, angry at myself, the guy and also my parents for their selfish reasons. Till now 6 years later I still feel guilty and still angry at my parents. When I got pregnant again with hubby I lost it I was like this must have been punishment for the abortion. Sometimes when I see articles on permies I just cry so it does have psychological effect and will forever be in your memory. Abortion is now a easy way out!

  19. Ada

    September 28, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    According to statistics in UK most women that have abortion are married especially mothers with a child under 1year old..these are women in 30s..so all that belief with young girls is not true..

  20. Wisteria

    September 28, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Truthfully, yes practically every girl knows someone that has aborted. I have a friend that had aborted about 5 times last time I checked. We are still friends but that borders on abject stupidity and wickedness and I can’t fathom her reasons but its not my place to judge. I would never support abortion under any circumstance. That might seem a little harsh cause I know some circumstances that might even call for it but I cannot reconcile myself to it. If you don’t want the child find a willing home for it. There are thousands of people looking for children, give it to one. My mum was raped at 15 but still kept the child and I respect that decision till today. Nobody has the right to decide if a potential human being cause that’s what it is should live or die. If necessary use drugs like Postinor to prevent fertilisation but once it has been fertalised I think the choice has been taken from your hands. If you don’t want a baby then abstain
    or take contraceptives and practice safe sex and if it still happens too bad. Bad as e bad give the baby a good home.

  21. oloye

    September 28, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Of all the scenarios, why should Timi in case3 be the ‘troublemaker’???? Only men beat their partners and not the other way round abi???

    Kantinu!

  22. Prec

    September 28, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    I’m not really sure how you can be prolife and prochoice at the same time to be honest. I think what you meant to say is you are PROCHOICE! Meaning you get make the decision of aborting or not aborting based on YOUR values, which not everyone believes. The issue is not whether or not you believe in abortion or not, but when you go around telling people they have to follow you own values, which is what Prolife does. For example, you gave 4 scenarios, that’s just what you could think of, there are a million other grey area stories like that, you just think of that. People just need to stop forcing their religion or values on other people, sheesh.

  23. Justme

    September 28, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    The same society (Bellanija comments) that insulted the hell out of Anna-Ebiere about getting pregnant without a RING and jeopardizing her future blah-blah-blah. The same society that tells you that abortion is wrong but looks down on single moms. Are they really the ones commenting?

  24. Noms

    September 28, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Abortion is murder and like some people have mentioned-if it is life threatening,then there is not other option. We have heard of cases where the mothers refuse to abort in-spite of medical advise especially when there are congenital malformations.

    I have never had an abortion but I have witnessed an evacuation. My sister was pregnant and started bleeding.She went to the hospital and the doctors advised for her to be cleaned up. Her hubby wasn’t in town and our mum couldn’t come around. It was a very painful experience. Physically and emotionally.

    My married cousin was pregnant and dear hubby didn’t want other kids. She had an abortion and she died. To those including Arie who think Salma’s scenario is justified to have an abort, have you thought about who will take care of the other children if anything goes wrong-death?

    About not having kids after an abortion, God’s mercies is baffling. I went to an all girl’ secondary school and had friend who had several abortions.
    Now, there are married with kids and I am here, never had sex not to talk of abortion and single *smiles.
    A Christians, we can never understand the way God works. H e shows mercy on who he wants to show mercy and makes the rain fall on believers and unbelievers.
    God’s ways are not ours and at the end of the day doing what you think is right matters.
    There are consequences for all actions and everybody has their different walks with God. In their quiet time you don’t know what they have settled with God.

  25. Theresa

    September 28, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    God bless you madam

  26. Gorgeous

    September 28, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    Never had an abortion or got pregnant. I had a horrible friend tell me that if i have never gotten pregnant, how do i know i am fertile. laughs. Thank God that friend is out of my life. Parents should teach their children about sex and protection. Also always open the door so they can come and talk to you about these things. A lot of bad friends out there and bad influence.

    That being said, i have two friends who had an abortion. Very very nasty situations, and i would have done just that in their shoes. One got pregnant by a guy/ her boyfriend that defrauded her and disappeared in the most crazy and shocking way. Another got pregnant by a casual friend who led her on, only to tell her he would never marry her. SMH.

    They both bear scars from these events. And it makes me sad because they are wonderful ladies. I support though the fact that they had the abortion. The one whose boyfriend defrauded her, that guy was obviously a rampaging nut case. It was not worth it to have even a single tie to him. The other one who was led on… not worth it her bringing a child into a completely loveless situation.
    Women out there guide and protect yourselves. At the end of the day, you will be the one bearing the consequences. So many mentally disordered people out there. Men should also be careful who they lay with. Everyone, please use protection.

  27. Person

    September 28, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Thank you!!! I am firmly team pro-choice. FIRMLY. Nothing can change that belief. Till a baby is viable (and no, conception is not viability), I am unequivocally pro-choice. I thank God I have never been faced with making a choice but I respect the heck out of women who make informed decisions for their lives.

  28. Salo

    September 28, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    Abortion to me is a choice but i won’t dare it thou, my mum told me she aborted me thrice but yet i came…………….growing up wasn’t easy but i thank God for my life today,wen i tink of it i just say thank u Jesus,i”m 25 with a kid brother of 4yrs old, after several attempts to get pregnant and prayers b4 God showed her mercy, The way of God is different from the way of men, what if i had gone with the abortions i wonder how many years she would av gone with the tag BARREN WOMEN, no matter what civilization may bring our bible and culture still stands on thou shall not KILL.

  29. Anonymous

    September 28, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Me I am pro choice. Nigeria is a hypocritical society Abeg. Let’s legalize abortions so that we reduce the young girls dying from it. No need to loose a mother and child.

    Those of you saying we have no right to kill a child know that most of the touts and criminals are ‘born throways’ don’t know the English word. Nigeria will refuse to legalize abortions but won’t even have a welfare system in place for teen and unwed mothers, there are no amenities for the children alive sef

    The religious arguments of it’s a sin is annoying. Don’t force your religion on anyone and amma go feminist on this one, if HIV and other STIs infected only women, condoms might not even be legal just as if men for pregnant, abortions might be legal. Women shaming since 1900.

    FYI, I removed a baby at 22, was at my 1st job and couldn’t afford a baby. I remember crying because I wished I could keep the baby but I realistically couldn’t. I was lucky, I went to a good doctor, removed the baby and had a scan weeks later to ensure my womb was fine and it was. The decision to abort is hard enough, don’t complicate it with quacks that increase the risk of death.

    • Justme

      September 29, 2015 at 8:02 am

      GOD BLESS YOU!

  30. larz

    September 28, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    thats cuz the kids in UK are getting pregnant so they can live on social welfare in a tough Tory regime. The ones that abort are the ones worried about their immigrant parents who have worked several jobs to get their children to a better life.

  31. Pearl

    September 28, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    I have always wanted to be a single mum, didnt mind societal discrimination since i’d been through all that during my childhood…….having the double S genotype. Taking maters into my hand since I was healthy, hard working, hardly ever ill and had a great job earning good cash, I conceived (my family had no idea, since I lived and worked 5 states away from home). At about 8 weeks my blood level was dropping faster than the speed of light and I could not support the weight I had gained and at the same time do a credible job at work. I was suffering and my baby was under stress. I had to let him go…………….the whole experience left me shattered, useless and in guilt. Had to take a break to recuperate. I never discussed it with anyone, its a year now and I still miss him with every fiber of my being……………just had to let it out now when I saw this topic. please feel free to judge or bash me shamelessly………….cos sometimes I think I deserve it.

    • Oma Akihiko

      September 28, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      Not to discredit how you feel, I just wonder how it is possible to miss a baby you never had. He was 8 weeks. I’ve never had a child so I wouldn’t know but I can’t see myself creating a relationship with my baby until it’s born. I could anticipate the joy but really that’s all there is to it. Is this normal? From some reason, I fear that I have to learn to love my child while for many of you, it comes and seems natural.

    • ocee

      September 29, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      Dear Oma, Yes it is very possible to form a bond with a 12 week, 8week, 6 week, 4week old foetus…heck you can have a bond with a 1 day old foetus. It happened to me. I was trying to conceive for 4years and no luck. Then voila, it happened but alas I lost her at 12 weeks…horrible horrible horrible situation. I do not lie when i tell you that i lost a part of me with that miscarriage. I still miss that baby, till tomorrow. I never knew her, but i knew her. She had a heartbeat, she had a head, eyes, nose, mouth. hands, feet. I heard&saw these all when i went to get a scan and i saw her when i was sick to the bone with morning sickness; she was there alright. And when she was left, I missed her. Fast forward to today, I have a 10month old boy whom i love&adore with all of me but i never will forget the other baby that never was. Again, from the moment i knew i had conceived my son, I loved him. So I don’t think you should worry too much about not having the ability to love your child from the get go, I hope i speak for most women when i say it comes with the package, naturally, You will love your babies.

      @ all As for the abortion issue, never had one and not an advocate. Forget all that is Christian,Islamic or religious. For all they are worth, I’d wish that everyone’s rights, including those of the ‘voiceless’ be upheld especially that right which is the most fundamental-the right to life. But then who am I to judge? And again who are you to condemn?

    • Alem

      September 29, 2015 at 11:58 am

      @Pearl, I can just imagine your pain. It is well dear

  32. Ada

    September 28, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    Pro Life for Life biko. You don’t want a child, then protect yourself any best way you can biko. Una dey quarter to altar is not reason enough not to protect yourself please. You are married and you don’t want an extra child, well if you can kill the one in your stomach, you might as well kill one of the children already born. Married and aborting babies na im worse pass because you don born pikin before, nurse am, love am, so you understand the process and what joy it might end in. Then the “I got pregnant in university and I can’t handle it” situation, na today? The twins my family friend adopted na university student wey born am. Find another story please.

    The problem with us largely is irresponsibility. We want to eat cake and still have it. If you are gonna have sex then note that preganancy can be a consequence and if you are gonna have unprotected sex, get ready for mother hood too. Biko let’s stop justifying murder simply because we feel our condition merits it abeg!

    Now pro-life allows for abortion if having the child will mentally or physically harm the mother. If you were raped by armed robbers, your mental health is at stake here, no one will force you to keep the baby.

    I am no saint, heaven knows me and Bobo do stuff without protection but Bobo also knows (because I don ring am like bell) that motherhood and fatherhood might occur and when it does, we will both step up to it. Ringing this like bell helps hims too, he doesn’t lose his mind totally!

  33. Oma Akihiko

    September 28, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    All scenarios are justified for abortion. It’s my choice! Why would you bring a child into the world when you cannot take proper care of them? I can’t sympathize with people who have too many kids and are struggling to provide their needs. Children are expensive! Having a child is expensive! Why is abortion a crime? Hiss! Children are dumped in dumpsters and bridges everyday, many of whom are subject and exposed to all kinds of horror as they grow up. We have no system in place to cater for such problems and yet abortion is a crime. This same society that shames and humiliates a single mother is making abortion illegal. The reason why women are dying from abortion is because it’s illegal and many of these girls have to turn to quack doctors to abort their children. Make it legal and cheap and you’ll see a decline in death rates. Most importantly, why are decisions like this not left to the moral judgement of the individual involved? Stop shaming people. Dear ladies, there is nothing wrong with abortion.

    • molarah

      September 29, 2015 at 12:17 pm

      If you can’t take care of a child, if a child is too expensive for you, there are several others in the world who can take care of a child and whom a child is not expensive for. I can’t even believe the arguments you are making. Boko Haram would co-opt your logic and come out with a perfect justification for their actions: “Nigeria is too overpopulated, people are too expensive to manage, Nigeria can’t manage her population, let’s kill some off so we can have peace”. If you are a Boko-Haram sympathizer, then go on ahead and continue with these arguments, if not, kindly sit back and do some thinking before you make any further comments.

  34. waarea

    September 28, 2015 at 7:22 pm

    As Christians we can judge or condemn sin but not a person get it right. Learn to separate your person from your actions. The Bible says though shall not kill and thought shall not commit fornication. If you have sex then you get pregnant. If you must have sex face the consequence apart from pregnancy, emotions and maybe disease. God can forgive our person anytime that is why no human is allowed to judge but for actions what you sow you reap. If you were abused or raped get to the nearest functional health facility within I would say 12 hours to stop conception and infection. Stop justifying evil, even an atheist knows murder is murder. I love you mwaààaaah

  35. Puzzles

    September 28, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    First of all, I am a Christian and I firmly believe that abortion is wrong. Life is valuable in God’s eyes, even the life of an unborn child. That is my opinion, everybody is entitled to theirs. I can sincerely say that if I find myself in these scenarios highlighted, my conscience would not allow me to have an abortion.

    For scenario 1, 3 and 4, the ladies chose to have sex with these guys. Unwanted pregnancy is a consequence of premarital sex which in God’s eyes is wrong. If I find myself in that situation (which I honestly pray never should happen, may such temptation never come my way because nobody is perfect), I will keep the baby.

    Scenario 2 (Salma’s case) actually happened in my family. Mum was shocked to discover she was expecting a fifth child despite all she and dad did to prevent it. It wasn’t a financially smart thing to do at the time but they decided to keep the baby. Guess what? Today, my baby sister is the most loved in the house. She’s the most beautiful girl, very brilliant and everybody’s pet. Sometimes, Mum looks at her with wonder and praises God she didn’t abort her. We cannot imagine the world without her.

    Also, this is an appeal to the men, especially my Nigerian men: Is there anything wrong with a man having a vasectomy when he and his wife have decided on not having more children? Why is the responsibility of family planning laid on the woman alone? Some of the preventive measures women take sometimes have adverse effects on them. Show love for your wife by taking responsibility for family planning.

    On scenario 4, this is an appeal to the so-called “Christian Universities”. Why should a girl be expelled for getting pregnant, a girl in a UNIVERSITY? We call ourselves Christians and we condemn abortion. But we humiliate those who choose to own up to their mistake and keep the babies. As they say “All dog dey chop shit, na the one wey we see say shit dey him mouth we go talk say chop shit” (application: it’s the girl you see pregnant that you know had sex) Why won’t Emilia choose to have an abortion when she thinks about the consequence of her mistake? I may be wrong but I remember this series “Secret Life of an American Teenager”, the girl who got pregnant in high school was not expelled. Why should a girl’s education be halted because she ends up pregnant? No consequences for the guy who impregnated her?

    As I said before, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I know not everyone here is a Christian and I know that not everyone who calls himself/herself Christian is really Christian. Unwanted pregnancy is preventable. Abstinence is still the best policy (for the unmarried ones). For those married, the husband should also make family planning his responsibility.

  36. Damseldam1

    September 29, 2015 at 12:29 am

    It amazing how some people here are talking about abortion like as.if it was a bought clothes returning to the shop smh!!! Be sensitive about your words naw. No matter what we choose to believe this foetus are human beings. Let’s respect their remembrance. Have had abortion before which wasn’t my choice to do. But I won’t be talking about it like it something I bought and didn’t want again!! Be sensitive people.

  37. Belema

    September 29, 2015 at 7:35 am

    @Puzzles I really agree with you about men sharing the responsibility of family planning. It is not fair that the woman has to inconvenience and alter her body for EVERYTHING! from periods, to morning sickness, to pregnancy, to labour to birth, to nursing and then family planning on top of all!
    I do not know any Nigerian man who has offered to have a vasectomy to help with family planning and its really bad! These pills, hormonal patches IUD have several side effects on we women and to make matters worse, there are some women who they do not work for!
    Please Nigerian men step up! biko! unless this vasectomy has adverse side effect as well! x

  38. titolu

    September 29, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    Wao, catchy writeup and interesting comments all the way,
    But as far as I am concerned, none of these above scenarios painted by the writer, makes abortion justifiable,
    I was hoping to read about more difficult scenarios, like a rape case that resulted to pregnancy, or a sexually abused minor (child) who got pregnant in the process, or a sick mother who may loose her life, should she allow the fetus live………… those may get me real thinking!
    For scenarios 1, 3 and 4, I wouldn’t even talk about that, so many people have addressed that already.
    But had a similar case to Salma’s of scenario 2, in my family, several years ago.
    My mum took in after over 10 years of having her last child. We were 3 kids already, of which I was the first. We were also going through a rather turbulent financial time, so the pregnancy just didn’t add up.
    The pregnancy was a huge shock and totally unexpected for us all- my dad was utterly devastated and it affected my mum too, so much, health wise et all….., but we never considered abortion.
    After so much struggle, we finally came to the recognition and acceptance of the fact that we were having another gift join our ‘comfort zone’.
    My mum had the baby, but the baby only stayed less than 24 hours…..It was so painful, we had come to love her as part of us even before meeting her.
    Every child is a gift, every child is special, and abortion robs an innocent soul the chance to live.
    I’ve had friends who made a choice to keep their babies, though it was an unwanted pregnancy. I respect them and always salute them for their bravery and I’m sure in the nearest future, their now babies would live to salute them also.
    And I also understand some cant keep afford to raise the babies, due to emotional or financial instability………Whatever happened to – Adoption!
    I know very well of about 4 different families, who went for adoption. The kids are doing super duber well, the parents are excited, the homes are revived and everyone is just happy!
    Lets learn to do the right thing-always.

  39. Nk

    September 29, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    As for me the only reason I would support abortion is if the lady in question got pregnant through rape. If you are willing to have unprotected sex, then you should be willing to accept the consequences.
    But this life na wa sha, I had two flatmates in uni who both had abortion twice. 7 years later we are married, both of them have 2 kids each while I battle PCOS and infertility.

  40. Tomi

    September 30, 2015 at 12:15 am

    To say a person has an abortion because they don’t want the baby is sweeping… Think this could have been a little more balanced.

  41. Jhennique

    October 6, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    I am PRO-LIFE. Dear women. keep your pant on! The only case i cannot speak for is rape and cases when the child’s life is at risk
    But if u as a woman concensually opens your legs and let a man ride you, you must prepare your mind for any consequence and pregnancy is one of them. You have no right to abort a child because you are not ready or because of your own carelessness. No excuse!
    So if you cannot close your legs, please carry that child full term and give it your best! Dont test God

  42. curlyzest

    October 17, 2015 at 2:07 am

    I was almost aborted by my parents so I’m grateful to be here.
    I’m writing about abortion and would really appreciate if any one here is willing to discuss ANONYMOUSLY on the matter.
    Reach me on [email protected] or [email protected]
    Thank You!

  43. Regrets

    October 28, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    I almost aborted my baby, thank God for God and my supportive husband because i didnot and had my beautiful child. My third was not even a year old when i discovered i was pregnant. I had just gotten a job and was afraid i could lost it because of the pregnancy and was so worried about what my coleagues and society will say. I had even booked an appointment and paid for the D&C, but somehow i couldn’t muster the courage to take away the life of my baby. Today, 3 years later, I am so grateful i didn’t do it. I take precautions not to get pregnant, but if I get pregnant by any chance, i will keep the child. God I thank you for being so kind to me a poor sinner.

  44. Merit Nton

    December 2, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    I stumbled on this post because I am desperate to have an abortion. The pregnancy is almost sixteen weeks gone and the few places I have been to look like quacks so I was too scared to have it done there. I’ll appreciate if anyone can help me with a good doctor or hospital in Lagos where I can have an evacuation at almost sixteen weeks.

    Urgent response needed pls. Email me at “[email protected]”. You will be saving a life by helping me out, please and please.

    Thank you.

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