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Ari: Posh Schools, Moneyed Parents & Spoilt Kids

Ari

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I, Ari, went to a Federal Government College in the ‘90s. My school mates were kids of Vice Presidents, Air Vice-Marshals, Ministers and other rich people in the public and private sector. You get the picture. I’m sure every Pro-Unitate student had a couple of those in their schools. Most of these rich kids behaved normally; the only evidence of their financial status was that extra pack of Kellogs Frosties, HomeWheat biscuits and the lack of garri in their diet.

During holidays, however, I met students whose parents were upper-middle class, but not as rich as my school friend’s parents (stolen funds or not). These kids went to private secondary schools in Lagos and exhibited very odd behaviours. For example:

  • Kunle attended a private school at Maryland. His Dad always dropped him off in his “Pajero Jeep” in the morning on his way to work. The driver usually picked him up with a Mercedes Benz V-Boot in the afternoons. The thing is Kunle didn’t think the V-boot was cool enough for school, so he ordered the driver to wait for him at Ikeja bus stop while he formed #TeamFitFam and walked all the way to Ikeja. Better to stroll than to be seen entering a V-Boot.

Hmmmm, the car Ari’s family used as Sunday Car, Daddy’s Chariot was a Regular Benz. Imagine how I felt knowing my mate was scoffing at a V-Boot.

  • Adanna and I were classmates in Primary School. She proceeded to a private girls’ secondary school in Ikeja. During her first midterm break, she asked her parents where she would be spending the holiday. Her parents said “at home, as usual”. She started crying; apparently everyone in her class was leaving the country for midterm break. She begged her parents to pay for a trip to Ghana. Her parents didn’t understand what was going on. By her third term in school, she told her parents she would not go back to school unless her lifestyle could keep up with her fellow students’. Adanna who was very bright and outspoken became withdrawn and started showing signs of low self esteem. Her parents withdrew her from the school, she transferred to Queens College.

Nowadays, I see this same behaviour being exhibited by my friends and their kids. Are schools now solely for the purpose of showing off and letting people know what social class you belong?

My friend is a teacher at a school in Victoria Island, whose students have two major cliques – Old Money and New Money. If you don’t belong to either of these groups, you may as well be non-existent. Kids forget iphones at school and show up with Samsung S5 the next day; the parents aren’t concerned about what happened to the iphone, which costs more than a hundred thousand Naira.

I have another friend who made an odd request. Her daughter’s school was very close to my house. She called me frantically one morning asking if I had a bottle of champagne at home. Apparently, it was her daughter’s birthday and the normal practice at the primary school was popping a bottle of bubbly (the kids didn’t drink the champagne, but that’s beside the point).

I remember going with my friend to her son’s school at Anthony to drop off a gift on Teachers Appreciation Day. She got the teacher a MAC lipstick and Eyeshadow. I was teasing her for never giving me any gift that lavish when my eye popped at the gifts other parents brought. I saw LCD TVs, iPads, Galaxy Tabs, Laptops and Gift Cards. Add this to school fees of almost N400,000 per term and I had to ask her: are these parents appreciating the teacher or showing the teacher they have big bucks? Students proceed to brag on the playground about who brought the most expensive items, and who seems broke because their gift was just cheap. I wonder if a teacher would treat a student whose parents gave him/her a Macbook the same way as the student whose parents gave DaViva Ankara.

So I ask, what are these schools meant for: Imparting knowledge or ingraining these kids with a false outlook on life and superiority complex. Parents now send their kids to schools because they heard a particular “Lagos Big Boy/Babe” sends their kids there. They have to keep up.

A driver takes 7 year old to primary school and hands the kid the car keys. The child goes to class with the keys, while the driver sits under a tree for 7 hours till closing time. Really?

Kids bow their head in shame when they resume for a new term because they didn’t go to Disneyland for holiday or didn’t get a Frozen schoolbag (never mind that he/she got a Minions school bag 4 months ago at the start of the previous term)

Parents don’t teach their kids proper morals and life skills. Kids in secondary schools can’t wash their own socks and underwear; not because there’s a washing machine but because there is a ‘servant’ to do that (yes, I’ve heard a 15 year old refer to their maid as a servant). You have kids in boarding house who have dozens of House-wear and School Uniform; the schools allow parents bring a fresh batch every weekend because “they don’t want to stress the child with washing”.

What happens when that child goes to University? What happens when you cannot afford the lifestyle you have ingrained in that child?  What happens when a parent can no longer afford to send their child to that school with $20,000 fees, what lasting damage will a transfer of said child to a basic secondary school have on the child and the interactions with everyone around him or her.

Parents tell their kids not to play with a particular child because the mum fixes synthetic weaves, the kids go to school and bully said child and you have an endless vicious cycle.

Is the quest for a better life ruining the future generation?

Are these schools just catering to what they think parents want? Did they study our society and come up with ways to model their schools after society? Do these schools increase their fees just because they don’t want to be the cheapest school in Lagos? Do we blame the schools, parents or both?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images

I’m Ari. A thirty-something wife, mother and civil engineer. I have a B.Sc & M.Sc degree in Civil & Environmental Engineering. I’m a know-it-all; ask me anything and I’ll have an answer for you. I would love to learn how to code, swim and improve on my writing.

204 Comments

  1. The real D

    October 5, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Ahhh…. see my life outside… I recently told a friend that I am hoping to return to Nigeria to raise my kids because I want them growing up with the same morals and environment I grew up in and then I read this….. teachers here get mug and candy for teachers appreciation day. I will vex and become a teacher if this is the case sho… Anyway, let my child do nonsense, they shall be going to public school one time, ain’t nobody got time for that.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 5, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      You’ve even gone far with “mug and candy”. The ones I see here get a card. A lovingly bought card (& I have to even confess that when I first saw sections in card shops which sold cards for teachers, I was quite curious about how big the market for that sort of niche product was), which will be lovingly signed by the appreciative student and then proudly displayed on the desk or windowsill of the equally appreciative teacher. Cost in total – probably £2.99 or less but the value by the giver and recipient is considered to be priceless…

    • ao

      October 5, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      The most I do is to get something for the teacher during the Christmas season to thank them for being there for my child. I usually get them a $25 gift card to a restaurant or the movie. I

    • Mymind

      October 5, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      Dear Ari, please write more! Pretty please please please pleaaaaaseeeeeeeee???

    • MZ

      October 13, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      My kids are small and I only just learnt about the Teacher Appreciation Day until this year. However, I’ve always bought a small gift – usually fabric. We have to help our kids develop a depth of character that is not dependent on material possessions. Great comment!

    • Amaka

      October 5, 2015 at 7:50 pm

      Interesting, some people are so ignorant o, some women fix synthetic weave on just because it was discovered that most human hair were actually hair from India women who cried to their god for something. Hair sellers then pack that hair , wash and sell in the stores. Since then,myself inclusive and other women around me stopped fixing human hair. We did not want another person’s hair o. Who knows what the person had. Hmnn one has to be careful. Secondly, only weak minded people worship other people. I don’t succumb to pressure. Guess it comes with age sha. If you have reaped consequences of wrong patterns just because you want some people to accept you. You will never ever succumb anymore. I remember a 60year old woman saying that the older you become, the more you don’t care. You need to be able to follow God all the way like Job in the Bible and that won’t make you poor at all. You will just be in the God class which is even greater. I will advise anyone struggling with people pleasing issues to study Jesus, Job, Apostle Paul and David. You can add to the list if I did not mention all.

  2. Moi Me

    October 5, 2015 at 10:53 am

    So i have seen a crop of these children come to the work force with an attitude of you owe me and not what they want they can bring to the table, especially the private university graduates. I am actually very scared for the next generation, such poor mental and moral attitudes.

  3. mrs chidukane

    October 5, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Ari, will you believe my firm doesn’t do Lawyers appreciation day? Kindly drop the name of that school, I need to change work asap! On a serious note, this Island lifestyle is getting out of hand. The things I see on Instagram, you begin to wonder. Are most people on the Island really that rich? You will see a child’s birthday party vendor list looking as long as a wedding vendor list. I once stayed with relatives in one highbrow estate on the island. When I went to wash my clothes if you see how the housekeeper screamed no, the washerman will take care of it. Hian? I wanted to iron and asked the kids if it was Nepa or the gen was on, they couldn’t tell the difference. Sometimes you wonder if these people know they’re in Nigeria? I must confess the lifestyle is great but there should be a balance. What the balance should be I just don’t know.

    • mrs chidukane

      October 5, 2015 at 11:04 am

      I forgot to add that with the advent of the American babies, vacations are no more taken in one country or even continent. I went to the UK, from their to the South of France, from there to Dubai from there to… and back. All in first class, all documented for the gram. Odiegwu

    • Mo

      October 5, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      I know a parent who took loan to fund first class ticket for his child to go on holiday abroad. Serious issues here

    • Frosh

      October 5, 2015 at 11:57 pm

      I remember watching a documentary about the man who runs porsche panamera company in Lagos, he said something that really struck me that Nigeria is a very “STATUS-DRIVEN” society! People request for their cars not out of need but just out of the desire to be the first person with a particular model aka bragging rights..
      I’m personally of the opinion that people like these are dealing with a far deeper problem of a terribly low self esteem and maybe the desire to have a lifestyle that eluded them as kids so they want to live vicariously through their children. We have to understand the things that are real in life, we recently had a reunion at my primary school and when we got together I saw my classmates among who are now governors, kids of ministers and top officials around the country but they were all down to earth and friendly, that’s because their parents took the time to teach them what is important in life not spending their life savings just to take them to one American International School so they can maintain an American accent and be uppity air heads… Smh

  4. Dunni

    October 5, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Wow! these are real concerns. I think the Church, Mosque and the Govt have some serious roles to play here. I told my sis just last week that it seems the generation (for secondary school) before year 2000 may be the last that know/experience what true quality education is all about. The education system has gotten so bad. You see students with androids phones but cant even operate a computer. They cant even tell you some basic food nutrients we learnt in biology. Imagine a business management graduate asked at an interview to use SWOT to analyse a business environment is and he was sweating. He had no clue if SWOT is a word or an acronym.. I mean some look blank like never heard it before. But ask them about C.Brown, The Kardashians and the likes. They can tell you everything. I hope we can redeem things before they get out of hand.

    • nwando

      October 5, 2015 at 10:58 pm

      My dear, the onus of shaping and forming well-rounded individuals, falls on the family, particularly the parents. The rest of rest of society, i.e. the church, schools, et al only plays a supporting role. No amount of preaching can do much for a faulty upbringing really, so if the family is sick, the rest of society suffers.

  5. Joy Ojo

    October 5, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Very Lovely article. My dear, you spoke my mind. Its becoming a great problem in our schools. I can’t imagine how painful it is for parents like me. I consider it rubbish. What are we really teaching our kids? I remember a mum telling me I was mean because I said I was sending my daughter to Louiseville Girls High School in Ijebu. I looked at her and said I wasn’t mean. I just want the best for my daughter, let her go back to my own days of boarding life. I came out strong and independent. I must not do follow, follow all in the name of The school has a name, big wigs and co. My dear, I absolutely want the best for my kids. I no send anybody, every man for himself.

    • Uche

      October 6, 2015 at 6:14 am

      I finished from LGHS 2008 set. You did good sending your daughter there. Thank you

  6. Derin

    October 5, 2015 at 11:24 am

    What you are talking about is small! What about the children that are sent to private boarding schools in England from age 8 or 9?! And they only return to Lagos for a maximum of 1 week during thier holidays before flying off to about 4 other countries?

    • Olu

      October 5, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      The private secondary school in England each more morals than the Lagos schools being described here.

    • Taytay

      October 5, 2015 at 9:39 pm

      Thanks Jare. By the time i mange to scrimp and save for my 11 year old’s fees at CLC the only holiday is here in Lagos (flight is economy ) These private schools in Lagos only churn out kids with an over bloated sense of entitlement. The British most definitely instill better values in their students coupled with an amazing well rounded education which prepares my child for the real world. These Lagos schools don’t teach any of that. I mean imagine why in the name of everything holy would my 11 year old behave as the kids you’ve just described? And why would i want my kids mixing with these silly ass kids? My Daughter understands now that the world is a great big place and that those Chinese kids don’t play. Th uniform is ugly sef from where will the shakara start?

    • Olanna&Odenigbo

      October 6, 2015 at 12:42 am

      Derin, lets not get it mixed up, the school or location of the school isn’t the real problem, the attitude of the people (parents, children, teachers, etc) is. Why are the parents trying to keep up appearances, for who?, What’s giving kids guts to feel inferior cos of the kind of car picking you up?, What are the parents doing while the kids go haywire?, Where the parents have set no boundaries, who do we blame?

      You can have a good outcome regardless of where the child schools, it all depends on the values you have as a parent and instil in your child… My brother is one of such that was sent to a private boarding school abroad at bout age 12 for valid reasons…though he probably thought of it as something he was entitled to cos the money was there…. Consequently as a teenager, he TESTED our patience and tolerance, but believe you me…. when you make him/her understand that his only option is to shape up or SHAPE UP……HE/SHE WILL…… I am talking the kind of power struggle that got to a point my brother was trying his ‘calling the cops on you’ abilities, and we were ready to deliver him into foster care if he wasn’t ready to abide by family values……. I’m talking bout showing them first hand what foster care/living looks like vs what he was getting….. we withdrew EVERY privilege leaving him with the necessities…if it wasn’t necessary, forget it!……for a gadget freak, it was HELL… I am saying WE cos it took my parents n siblings to pull together and let him know what time it is!!!! We all took lead roles in monitoring his academics, to house keeping skills, and his general attitude in every circumstance; made him value his freedom….. we would all together teach, fight, play, pray, beat, laugh, cry, etc…….. you gotta MAKE TIME, cover ALL the bases… till he understands that life isn’t such a bed of roses just cos your private school fees are paid up on time….nah mehn! He got to understand that we always had his back, but he had to earn any privilege and respect, and had to learn how to manage other people regardless of their temperament or background…

      You have to dissect the situation with such kids, see what’s causing them to go out of line, He had grown up more privileged than us the older kids, very sheltered, help always on hand, and been bullied in school…..at some point he became the bully, he had emotional baggage too dealing with losing multiple loved ones so early, and my mum had slowed down on enforcing discipline with age, and to an extent become an enabler, we had to acknowledge that and break it..,…. you gotta see d situation for what it is, and call them out exactly so, and let them carry the blame for their actions or inactions…. Once you realize your mistakes, waste no time in handling it!

      Same kid is in Uni, going on final yr, and I remember him judging some of his friends for not knowing how to do laundry and keep clean – I told him, he could easily have been the same- with no life skills…. He is on straight top grades, and is responsibly keeping his rented apartment all together with no help n cooks for himself (at least the much he knows how to)….. He recently spent holidays with another family member, and she had to admit he put them to shame with his discipline, her son (a troubled private schooler) had never come home early, till my brother started going out with him, cos my bro is home before late if he doesn’t have library or gym to do….. Now we still occasionally marvel when he does little things like say ‘thank you for calling’ / visiting/ for giving advice/ for giving allowances….. these were inconceivable bout 6yrs-8yrs ago. and now he is allowed to enjoy his privacy and have fun without any monitoring ONLY cos he has learned contentment, gratefulness, control and to respect boundaries, in the midst of options and freedom.

      All that drama could have happened in Nigeria as well, and we’d still have to step up and deal with it…

  7. Fifi

    October 5, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Its become ridiculous, at my childs school u see mothers who are all discussing latest bags or forming we r so rich i went to london to do my pedicure this weekend, i so do not have that time, most of them living false lives in their rented houses,imagine recently one of these rich daddies called my brother to lend him some money, apparently he had bought tickets for the summer (business class) and had not finished paying the travel agent, lol, meanwhile his wife at school looks at me all snotty, lagos is full of pretenders beware

    • ATL's finest

      October 6, 2015 at 4:38 am

      @ Fifi lol U are so right!!! Lol @ Lagos is full of pretentious people.. Someone once made a statement there’s peace of mind when u live within your means. I’m sorry to say, Lagos reminds me of Houston TX! Yes, kill me I said it. They ve rich folks but that’s a place u see Nigerians competing foolishly with themselves, borrowed rented car, condos that they can’t afford etc. Yes it happens everywhere but my point is I feel awful for folks like that & I just wish Parents will make their kids understand the difference of it all. Growing up, I attends one of the most expensive boarding school, #RICHKIDS# most holidays, they are never in d Country. I grew up having help at home but that didn’t stop my mom from whooping my tail whenever I was told to use a grounding stone for pepper n my stubborn self used a Blunder lol. At d end of the day, event the ones that act like the richest kids on d block back then in school are d ones roasting the MOST back in Nigeria now.. God knows aint got time for BS. These kids better act I’m definitely not raising a BRAT all in d name of forming soda/kids/effizy etc.

  8. Blondie

    October 5, 2015 at 11:30 am

    During my pro-unitate days, discipline was key. even your parents would be ashamed to come and brag to the principal. I dare not even call my dad to report any maltreatment. The rule was, “”if you won’t allow the school train your child, take him/her home”. my dad would always say “your mates are surviving, you will survive”. I must confess that some of the punishments were really tough , and in these days of increasing knowledge of “child-right”, i doubt if such punishments still exist. We dreaded the senior students. The teachers would gladly hand u over to your senior prefects to be taught a lesson. U could only differentiate the rich kids by how many “sets”of provision they had. Every item was double or tripple. lol. Competition for neatness was so high. That gave me a very high degree of independence which I still have till date.
    These days, I wonder what children are taught in school. Pride, arrogance & competition (affluence) is the normal. The values are not taught properly. I have to also commend them cos they’re a pretty smart & intelligent bunch but character and respect is nothing to them.
    Parents are solely to blame for this, before the teachers.

  9. mia

    October 5, 2015 at 11:36 am

    This, i”ll say, no matter how wealthy you are, please teach your kids gratitude, let them know that whatever they have, they have been given and they have no right to look down on anybody. There is a thin line between boosting their self esteem and encouraging them to be haughty, parents should find that centre because a balanced and well-adjusted child is located right at that centre.

  10. bruno

    October 5, 2015 at 11:49 am

    WHAT? ipads, flat screen tvs, laptops for a teacher?
    back in my days it was calender or a dairy with a pen we gave our teachers and they will be so grateful for the gifts.

  11. Such a shame

    October 5, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    I personally know a woman who intentionally chooses certain schools for her kids just so she can announce to the world that her children attend those schools. Before you finish asking her the question, she has already answered.
    It’s actually ridiculous how people try so hard to show off to those who don’t care.
    There is a particular school in Ikeja where parents arrive early to pick up their children just so other parents can see what cars, clothes and bags they have. They stand by the gates about thirty minutes before school closes so everyone can have a great view of their belongings.
    Let’s not also forget the time my niece’s 11 year old friend came to visit and told my sister that her mum’s Prada bags were bigger and she had it in three other colours (in addition to her ferragamo, LV and others) I think we all know how that awkward situation ended lol.

  12. NIRA

    October 5, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    I blame the parents, mostly. If the parents do not encourage the schools or stop this unnecessary competition, the schools will not send the children away! I really fear for the next generation, their sense of self-entitlement will be something else if we, as parents, do not do something about it. My colleague just showed me a picture of a school which she drives past on her way to work every morning; the children were all pulling gigantic trolley boxes, not those small cartoon xter trolley-bags o! I asked if they were travelling or just going to school with a few books inside. Parents are to be blamed, all most of the schools care about is collecting money from the parents, no moral discipline whatsoever! A school will say “no mobile phone” for the ones in the boarding house, yet parents will sneak phones in so they can reach their children. Those of us that grew up before the era of mobile phones, I wonder if we died in school. Parents sneak in pocket money(in thousands o) for their children, helping children flout school rules. It’s really annoying to see all these happen. When I talk some will say it’s cos I’m not that rich, forgetting that the children they don’t train well today will become a societal menace for all of us tomorrow.

  13. Doc P

    October 5, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Hahaha. Loved reading this. Apparently those of us that went to the FGCs in the 90s were the last group of kids to enjoy a good education. Ppl now believe that those schools are overcrowded and poorly run so they pay fortunes to send their kids to these privates schs to get educated and basically “network”.
    I had a balanced mental and social education – mixed equally with ppl who’s parents could pay everyone’s school fees and kids on scholarships. It’s insane when I talk to friends who went to sec sch when I did and they reference old money and new money. A-hall alumni are notorious for that. Still love y’all tho. Cheers

    • DD

      October 5, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      Wow. Such a sad state of affairs!

    • DD

      October 5, 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Oops… that was supposed to be under NIRA’s comment – the trolley-boxes to school. For what? I wonder if those parents realize that they’re doing their kids far more harm than good.

    • nn

      October 6, 2015 at 10:38 am

      Lol

  14. Anonymous

    October 5, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    This is so true. I’m 21 went to private schools but my secondary school was in Gbagada and everyone there was normal. Infact if you try and form posh you would look like an outsider. Some big shots had their kids in my secondary school then And no one tried to form big boy or girl. I guess because the school still had dsiscipline . In the boarding house you wash your uniform by yourself u clean Ur room and receive beating from house mothers if you misbehave. I am grateful for my upbringing. I rmeber then when I go to teens church during the hols wen oda lekki kids are naming their schools and I say the name of mine because it wasn’t a “posh” school I would get weird looks and smirks. I grew up in victoria Island every summer we travelled and I had a privileged upbringing but my mother never spoilt ME. In ss1 I went for one summer school in ikoyi and a lot of posh kids from BIS, GRANGE, DOWEN COLLEGE were there. And my mum would tell me to enter bus to come home and I would feel so ashamed . But now it has payed off. And I am humble and will train my children the same way.

    • Gbemie_o

      October 5, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      Talk about balance….I loove your comment and I am sure you appreciate your parents for it. I have relatives who grew up with such “privileges” and today cannot even keep a job.

  15. Tamara

    October 5, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    I personally do not blame the schools. I blame the parents. Giving your children What?? to school?? No way. My parents did not have much but they invested properly in our education. My younger brother and I went to the best schools because they believed in investing in education. We did not have all this pocket money/bag wareva and we were fine. We learned to interact with people and blend from all walks of life. My parents instilled such morals in us and it has been with us for life. So it is not the schools, it is the parents.

  16. Deep Soul

    October 5, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Love this article. The issues you raised break my heart. My husband’s 13yr old niece spent the last vacation in my house and during that time, her friend who was coincidentally in Abuja visited every now and then. First time I saw the friend, I noticed she had long nails fixed! I was taken aback! Why should a 13year old have to fix her nails?? What sort of parents will allow that? And this girl was so untidy and smelled so badly…shouldn’t the energy that was used to fix nails have been used to learn how to be tidy? Anyway, I got over it. Subsequently, I casually listened to their conversations and the things they talked about? I almost died! It was all about who was in what country for vacation, how Nicki Minaj was grinding somebody on stage, how they want to be dancers, actresses bla bla.

    At one point, the “nails girl” talked about how she was looking for fine boys in my estate. My 21yr old sister who overheard her was shocked and wondered if it was normal or she was just dry at that age.

    I had to call my husband’s niece to one corner (who by the way, is the best student in her class) and remind her about the need to focus. To think that a child as academically brilliant as she is can also be easily distracted by fickle things, especially at that age, was pretty scary.

    Oh, and I didn’t mention how you see small children these days being on whatsapp, facebook, instagram, twitter, and whatever social media there is. I strongly believe that no child below 16 years and or still in secondary school should have any business with social media!

    Why should a 13-year old have an iPhone for chrissakes!

    And to answer your question, I completely blame the parents! The schools are only doing what the parents want in order to “sell market”. That too, is pretty sad 🙁

    I’m so afraid for these youngsters. And I’m 28.

    This matter pains me well well, so I guess I’ll just have to stop my rant before I finish my laptop ink 😀

  17. Ada

    October 5, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Exactly what I have been screaming myself hoarse for. Parents of today, I don’t get how una take dey raise kids who have absolutely no regard for finances. My colleague gave her Son N3500 to go hang out at palms with his friends (SS1 boy o), bob said N3500 was too small and if Momsie no go upgrade am, he no go hang out. When she gave me the gist (laughing indulgently) all I could remember was that my whole pocket money at FGGC Onitsha for an entire term was N1000 and nobody ever said anything like hang-out money.

    While I was in Primary school, my Father sent money to all my teachers AFTER I had graduated to the next class. In summary, when I read Primary 4 finish enter another class, Papa would send something small to Primary 4 Teacher for teaching me, if I read 5 finish enter 6, he would send something to 5. He sent the cash after so as not to bias the teacher during my stay in that class (I understood this much later). When I entered FGGC, the practice stopped ozigbo. Inukwa Teacher Appreciation day, there was nothing like that while I was at school. biko. You gave if you wanted to and not openly either not to bias the teacher either.

    Anyway, note to my future kids, Mama struggled at some stage in life and fought to pay Masters school fees join, milk and honey life will not be yours without hard work on your part o. Nothing will be free, everything MUST be earned. Agwa go kwa m unu.

    • Joan85

      October 5, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      OMG I went to FGGC Onitsha too, ’01 😀

    • NIN

      October 5, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      Omg I went to FGGC Onitsha!!! I probably know u guys. Best school ever

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      October 5, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      Wait all you FGGC Osha babes una don congregate here abi? Loool!

    • Mamaya

      October 26, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      Our driver, Samisco!
      We shall never never never never taa isi azu!!!
      Lol

  18. Beeee

    October 5, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Ooh my days!!!! are these examples real? are my kids nuts!!!! I dont have kids yet but having worked from age 15 ( and strived by the grace of God to build my career, my kids will now hold me to ransom!!!! nonsense!

    I have this conversation with my husband all the time, I wasnt raised with a silver spoon but I was raised in a very decent manner. To God be all the glory, my husband and I can provide for our future kids and they’ll be comfortable but if any kid of mine thinks that they’ll be spoonfed, they’re nuts!!!!

    our jobs as parents, future parents, aunties, uncles is to provide basic necessities -food,shelter,education

  19. Mint Vedutti-Lemmy

    October 5, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Did you say Churches & Mosques??? With all due respect to those who uphold morals, I must say it has found it’s way into our places of worship. The thought of what kind of society my kids would grow up in makes me wish for Jesus to come already.

  20. pipi

    October 5, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    I just had this type of conversation with bobo mi last night. We passed by this “boarding house” in our estate with no space for the children to even play… I remembered my boarding house acres and acres of land. The classroom was a good distance from the hostel, the refectory was a good distance from the classroom and hostel good sized football pitch and basketball etc. Just imagine a child will walk downstairs to eat and walk upstairs for class haba! why are u now carrying to child to boarding house are u looking for where to dump your child

    • pipi

      October 5, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      now to the issue at hand… hmm all I can say is it is only going to get worse, imagine a mother that lives her life on instagram and you would not expect her child to live that kind of life….. do the best you can do as a parent and please help paste the name of the school please at least I can guest teach make up interesting themes that will benefit me eg. “change the teachers wardrobe Monday”

    • Krasavitsa

      October 5, 2015 at 8:55 pm

      God bless you! I’ve always wondered abt this. How can any school not have a huge, grassy playground. Schools these days use interlocking tiles in their playgrounds. And I’m like what stupid-ass genius thinks it’s ok for kids to run around on concrete??? My bro’s school even went as far as drawing a football pitch complete with goal posts on such tiles. Now to d matter, it’s not only d rich pple oh; I feel poor pple’s kids are worse. Kids these days don’t even greet. They walk into a room full of adults or pass by your side and look you straight in the eyes without saying anything! It’s shocking. Not that I want pple’s kids to kneel and greet or anything. It’s just that I remember myself as a kid and my mum or neighbor sef will beat me senseless if I passed by without greeting. The problems of this country stems at the family level. Btw, Ari, God bless you for this topic. It’s good to read smthing diff from sex, relationship, sex, women empowerment blah-blah topics that don’t reflect the real problems of our society

  21. Mint Vedutti-Lemmy

    October 5, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    Ari, nice write up. I’m happy I’m not the only one assumed to be “crazy” in a supposed “sane” world. I bet you forgot to add child molestation from teachers even after such high cost. Then let’s not even forget that most of these new generation teachers/lecturers are not well grounded in their subjects… It’s a whole circle of crazy!

    • Dee

      October 6, 2015 at 2:48 am

      Thank you so much,for this comment about the quality of these so called teachers in these private schools. I had to move to Nigeria for work a while back and was enquiring from people about good schools to place my children. They took me to this supposedly great school ,with these humongous, ostentatious buildings and very expensive tuition fees. They took me around the school thinking I would be wowed by all these things,but I was not. I was rather interested in the curriculum and the quality of the teachers. I requested to speak with one of the teachers in one of the classes,and they got really nervous. Cut the long story short,the teacher couldn’t even explain the curriculum to me or express herself intelligently. That did it for me. I think the major problem ,is the parents. It’s a status symbol for them to be able to send their children to such expensive schools. I know people that send their children to a certain school only because it is expensive . I have a friend that has a school in Abuja, who is contstantly harassed by parents,because the children are not yet speaking like britiko or Americano. According to them,that is the main reasons they send their children to her school oh! Nigerians never cease to amaze me!

  22. Tobi

    October 5, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    And the funny thing is that in boarding schools you don’t know who is rich or poor…the ones you think are the unpopular or dead guys are the ones they will come for with big exotic cars on visiting days……that really taught me a lesson you don’t know who is who and that experience made me humble

  23. Reetah

    October 5, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    Everyone is to be blamed. The parents. The teachers. The proprietors. I don’t put more than a toy, candies and a juice box as a party pack. For the teachers I make food for them with a can of soda. At the end of the each year. They get a scarf or a great book. My Son’s school in Abuja has a lot of these posh parents, I pay Zero attention to them and I let the school know I pay A LOT for great education. That’s what I expect. Any extra activity especially to show off, count me out. And I let my Kid know too. Be confident in yourself and be extremely grateful to God. It could be different Child. We as parents who know how it was back in the day, shouldn’t encourage this behaviour. Teachers should stop being expectant for gifts from parents. And these schools need to stop functioning if it’ll do no more than make a profit. The Government NEEDS to regulate these fees, it’s preposterous. God bless us all Nigerians in our pursuit of what is right and appropriate.

  24. onyx

    October 5, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Paying millions in school fees and yet none of these schools has produced an Einstein. Scratch that, none has even produced a kid that can invent basic stuff that science kids in public schools in Asia invent as part of their weekly project. All they go there to learn is how to speak in foreign accents. This article is so spot on but the sad fact of it is that it cuts across society especially in Lagos. It is so terrible in Lagos that sometimes you just want to weep at the very high level of pretence exhibited at every turn. Go to weddings, churches, parties and all you see is show off even from people coming to hustle a 10k loan from you without paying you back in agreed time sef and you begin to wonder when our values got so skewed. There are some certain places in Lagos you will be reluctant to go to if you’re not driving a posh car. Pathetic. Gosh i miss Benghazi (Benin city)

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 5, 2015 at 5:06 pm

      What you said about not producing an Einstein or basic invention is evil and I shouldn’t laugh, but… ???? Una get bad mouth…

      And please leave Lasgidi folk to keep flexing hard at weddings, events, on social media etc because it makes for some greatly entertaining posts and features on BN. ?

  25. molarah

    October 5, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Ari, please tell me you are stretching the truth with all these ‘case studies’ you put up in your article. Driver handing over keys to a kid? Parents competing to buy expensive gifts for teachers? What in the world…? I refuse to process this. Mehn, it seems I’m moving to Ibadan to raise my kids when the time comes.

    • Hian!

      October 5, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Lifeforte is in Ibadan, ask how much their fees are. ISI lo sure ju. looooool

    • Mimi

      October 6, 2015 at 8:36 pm

      wait, like the Kia Forte

    • Omobadan

      October 5, 2015 at 5:00 pm

      Agreed from a fellow omobadan . Ibadan can also be a good place to raise a kid. The pressure to show off and feel among is less is Ibadan.

    • Fifi

      October 5, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      U never see anytin, my friends daughter was asked if she turned right or left when she boards a plane by her fellow 7 year old bff

    • Tomi

      October 6, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      Wowww! That’s so sad. A 7 year old? What?

  26. Toya

    October 5, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Noooo. It can’t be this bad. Wat is happening to us

  27. TA

    October 5, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    @ Ari, you have written an article on a subject that has been ‘paining’ me for sometime now; Moneyed parents and spoiled kids. It is the parents that spoil the kids. No ifs or buts. One time at a chinese restaurant at ‘The Palms shopping mall on the island, a 17 year old boy who attends the secondary school very close to the mall ‘toasted’ a lady in her twenties right in front of me. He was egged on my his peers seated at another table. The lady who served me at the restaurant told me quietly that ‘the boy is very rich o, he comes here everyday with his friends and spend nothing less than 20k. This was nearly 7 years ago! I once heard on a 7 year old girl who stole her mum’s money and went to buy Mac powder which she and her school friends (at a popular school in Lekki phase 1) wore on their faces. One of the friends went home to an observant mother who grilled her and went back to school with her child to ask what was going on. The one that broke my heart, is the story my neighbour told me. A 16 year old girl was caught by the school bus driver giving a blowjob to a 15 year old boy inside the school bus. It was just the girl and boy left in the bus to be dropped at their homes when their bus driver saw them on the rear mirror getting intimate! This happened in a school in VGC. The sordid tales are endless. Go to the saloons on the island over the weekend especially Sunday afternoons and see how very spoiled young secondary school girls have become. Some of them are accompanied by their mothers who watch as their daughters display nasty, bitchy diva-ish behaviours. And we wonder why our society is the way it is! Look no further. It is in the way people raise their kids.

    • Zeeebby

      October 5, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      BLOW WHAT? MO DARAN. CAN U IMAGINE….I FINISHED SECONDARY SCHOOL, FEAR NO EVEN GREE ME KISS. BLOWJOB……I will beat that child ehn

    • mee

      October 6, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      see the first time i kissed a boy i was in ss3,no be better kiss o just peck on the lips and i felt i had done the absolute worst thing to a point where i kept seeing my mother in my dream chasing me with a broom…even as an independent grown a**married woman,with all the freedom i have i thought i would go wild but honest to God i still hear my mothers voice in my head whenever i think i am getting carried away….i absolutely have nothing against rich kids, as a matter of fact growing up most of my friends where ministers and governors kids but my mother taught me sooo much about humility and good character and i cannot begin to tell you how these traits have helped me navigate this thing called life ,i do not bloody care who you are and how much you have,i have ZERO tolerance for brats and badly behaved people,mothers please we can do better,you think you are doing your child a favor by over spoiling them but i promise you,you are cheating them,when they grow up and become irresponsible you will start running from one church to another blaming God and your village people.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 5, 2015 at 5:08 pm

      Hot damn. What????????? I can’t with that story about the kids in the bus… I just can’t.

    • jay

      October 5, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I don die. I have told my husband that our kids are not coming to Nigeria to school. In fact when he comes back this night, his assignment will be to read all the comments. Am sure he will change his mind sharp. But its funny how a real minor will go to shop and the attendant will sell something to he/her without asking for their parents.

  28. MadamD

    October 5, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    This one is small and I’m saying this while thinking of Abj parents. You find everyone struggling to keep up even with the last penny in their accounts. I mean THE FAKE LIFE IS REAL.
    The over priced schools are not helping either. Can you imagine my 6 & 7 year old niece and nephew are mildly suffering inferiority complex. At the close of term the teacher of the 6 yr old asked each student where he/she will be spending the long vacay. Every student mentioned somewhere outside Africa to my amazement my niece who was going no where had to say UK when it got to her turn. Why the teacher asked such question still bothers me.

  29. chee

    October 5, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    This is why I come here to read because i’ll always meet sane minds to gist with. I have a friend who’s kids fly business class and d day d agent made a mistake with the booking and booked one economy seat,d older daughter( 14) refused to go to d economy cabin and d younger brother had to seat there and d mom dashed him some money for that! They attend posh schools and use d latest phones, I no be bad belle but everyday I pray I don’t get carried away by what I see around me,i want my kids to have d basic comfort of life but they shouldn’t be spoilt or have a feeling of entitlement,becos u no give me moni keep for u,and my kids know me too well now,when I buy stuffs for them and they whine for what they wish they should have picked up in store,one of them will say” won’t u thank mom for d one she bought?. Lately during d hols their dad bought dem tablets and I protested but he said the world is moving forward and they should move with it,i laugh inside my mind, immidiately they resumed I ceased it and restricted them to 2 hrs a week,i refused installing a tv set in their room,sometimes I wonder if I am too strict lol!

    • Zeeebby

      October 5, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Lmao… My sister you are not oh.

    • Blackbeauty

      October 6, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      No, you aren’t dear. Hmmm…. part of me is hoping some, most of these tales are exaggerated.

    • Ari

      October 9, 2015 at 8:43 am

      You are not strict, that’s the way to go with our 21century children. Kudos to you

  30. Tandy

    October 5, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    and WTF is
    Pajero JEEP and V-Boot.
    Naijas and their f- up slang’s and grammar

    • ATL's finest

      October 6, 2015 at 5:49 am

      @ Tandy there’s nothing f-up about Naija slangs. So sad u areshowig your ignorance because there’s actually something called V-boot & Pajero jeep ( it’s a car) if U don’t know, ask questions instead of been disrespectful. An American once asked me ” how old is U” I almost fell out of my chair but I came to find out that’s broken English ( slangs) instead of how old are U. But whom am I to say it’s F-up? If it’s f-up, why did u end up on this site?

    • Ewurafua

      October 6, 2015 at 11:25 am

      ATL’s finest, you are actually part of the problem. There is NOTHING called a Pajero Jeep! Jeep is a brand name for a vehicle manufacturer. Pajero is a range of vehicles from Mitsubishi! Therefore, you can NEVER have a Pajero Jeep. You can however, have a Pajero SUV.

      I’ve noticed from movies and in writing, that most Nigerian’s think “SUV” (sports utility vehicle) is synonymous with Jeep! It’s not!

      Just as you can never have a Mercedes BMW, or a Range Rover Bentley, you can’t have a Pajero Jeep. They are 2 separate brands.

    • Bimbo

      October 6, 2015 at 5:22 pm

      This shows how BUSH and RAZZ you are – that you dont know the difference and be calling Pajero and Jeep in same sentence

      Hear ye Hear Ye to all the BUSH RAZZ NIGERIANS you cannot call any sports utility vehicle a JEEP and definitely not a PAJERO JEEP, and i yes i agree as Tandy asked what the fcuk is V boot anyway. Definitely screwed up and embarassing grammar that embarrasses all Nigerians when we are outside

      ATL finest you have shown your ignorance, I am sure you are one of those razz illiterates who will say foolish stupid nonsensical sentence such as “Borrow Me…” the word is Lend me not Borrow me , most of you have such fucked up grammar it all make sense why you all have low self esteem on your English and grammar and tend to fake. All the international school did not even help ni?

    • Ari

      October 6, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      Hi. Please note that Pajero Jeep is in inverted commas.

    • Morolake

      October 7, 2015 at 2:22 pm

      So in all that was mentioned above, the only thing you took out of this great article was the ‘Pajero’ ‘Jeep’ and V-Boot? Thats how we keep having misplaced priorities.
      We have a serious matter being discussed here and you are talking about a tiny error you could have just corrected and moved on.
      C’mon zuzu pu o eba osiso. Gbe rada rada e jade ni bi joor, ka fita dagan na. Mshewww.

    • eka

      October 9, 2015 at 8:48 am

      Wish I could ‘love’ this multiple times. Daalu so.

    • Duchess of Richardson

      October 9, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      @Morolake, i tire really!!! People are making intelligent and educative contributions to a sensitive issue/topic and some people are just after irrelevancies. Back in the days, there were cars people called “v-boots” and “pajero jeep”..it is hackneyed slogan and there is nothing wrong in anyone using those terms to buttress a certain fact. Majority of the people who have responded to this awesome topic sound intelligent and seem well exposed to know the difference between SUVS, crossovers, mini vans etc. Abegi, save your supposed fake “tooshness” for the birds. We all know what the time is!!!!

    • Cocolette

      October 7, 2015 at 11:36 pm

      It is “slangs” hun… not “slang’s”!… remember the pot n the kettle? *eyeroll… dnt even blame autocorrect

  31. HidingMyNameToday

    October 5, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    I didn’t want to comment in this article before because i’m so lazy to type what my eyes have seen in the school i work. I work with the health team of a private school on the island that pays millions of naira for the kids per session. My own issue is that asides all the things this article mentioned which i have observed in this so-called school, the one that baffles me most is when the parents come to pick up their kids or attend PTO meetings. The way they are dressed ehn…you will think they are filming an episode of the kardashians take New york. I once saw a mom that came in with a 7 inches louboutin shoe and a designer hand bag just to come pick up her kid. Infact, you dare not come to that school as a parent not dressed to the teeth even if you think you can never succumb to the inferiority complex demon. You lie! Its like their logo here is “as a parent here, you must come in with not less than a 5inch designer heel, smell very nice, carry strictly designer handbags and wear strictly designer clothes, and garnish all with a fake accent”. All i do most times is just stare at this parents competing with each other and shake my head. Its actually too late to change this “i’m richer than you” mentality. I do hope some of such parents get to read this BN article though. Very nice article.

    • Bishop

      October 8, 2015 at 1:25 am

      Your comment brings to mind one of the novels stuffed in my FGC Odogbolu college library; My Mercedes is bigger than yours. Written in 1973 by Nkem Nwankwo.
      The race to out-do, outshine one other has always been on since time immemorial. But the issue is why glory over vanities??

  32. Goldensarah

    October 5, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Nice write up Ari..Parents should live up to their responsibility,these kids do not know better,if they behave in a certain manner it is as a result of how they’ve been brought up, teach them to be responsible it isnt all about money…its disheartening that children under 10 already place to much priority on vane things,they only want to associate with kids that have latest phones and throws coolest parties….a little boy once told me of a girl that comes to school in the same car everyday as if that is suppose to be a bad thing it just disheartening that we forget sometimes that material things might go but moral will stay with them this reminds me of a 11 year old boy that visited us sometime and his mom was like she had to change his school because they were too many nigerian kids there and of course they had negatively influenced his British accent,to say i was schocked is an understatement

  33. Natu

    October 5, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    I attended international schools through out my academic life and I want my future children to have the same opportunities that I had growing up. If you have funds then send your children to international schools. The teaching, support and facilities are superb.

    • CT

      October 5, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      You’re an olodo! Can you tell us how the internationals have groomed you wisely to have wisdom? Or advise us on how we can make our kids be leaders of tomorrow with brains? You actually made no point ma’am!

    • Natu

      October 5, 2015 at 5:37 pm

      Why are you mad though? Is it it because you can’t afford to take your kids to international schools? Attending international schools has opened so many doors for me. Global companies employ people like me. I am diverse, adaptable trilingual and international. These are skill that international companies want in their employees. I will never bash or look down on people that attend public schools because we are all born in different situations. I am blessed to be have parents that are capable of paying international fees.

    • NIN

      October 5, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      The girl can like to talk off point ehh.

    • Duchess of Richardson

      October 9, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Holy smokes!!!! @CT,mwahhhhh!!! Lawd have mercy bikonu…people are making valid points and some people are just jumping in with brainless and incoherently expressed comments!! Chei,u should stay back in that “international school” because this comment of your does say a lot about the products of these supposed “international ” schools. Lmcbo!!!

    • Natu's friend..

      October 5, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      You this Natu, you comment very cowardly. you are vane and stupid. always commenting nonsense things that are offpoint and stupid lyk this your selfie. tcheww!

    • Natu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:25 pm

      Natu’s friend from where? I don’t know you girl. We don’t share the same postcode girl. Show your face let me see. Monkey looking Negroe!

    • madamnk

      October 5, 2015 at 11:53 pm

      my dear, the gbagaun she dey blow sef. “These are skill…” indeed.

    • Ello Bae

      October 6, 2015 at 1:24 am

      You people should leave Natu alone. At least she has proved Ari’s point. Natu think before you type/talk. Your age is showing.

      But where are the mother’s that have kids like that? I would like to hear their own side of the story. You can’t tell me ALLLLL BN readers live abroad, don’t have kids in one of those schools? C’mon now.Let’s be honest. BN mothers that have kids aforementioned, I would like to understand why you let your kids act the way they do. Please be a parent and raise a well grounded child with morals, character and substance.

    • Bola

      October 6, 2015 at 1:46 am

      That’s what we are talking about. You just have no sense. Just come here to type rubbish. There’s nothing wrong with being born into wealth, it’s a blessing. I thought you would make sense when you started but your case sha, you just lack sense. #entitled

    • Galivanta

      October 6, 2015 at 10:52 am

      This ur wig bothers my soul each time i see ur comment.

    • Krasavitsa

      October 6, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      Lmaooooooo. Mehn, ur too funny. Pls pple leave “international natu” alone oh.

    • ATL's finest

      October 6, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      @ Galivanta #dead# u killed me! U are mean ???????????????????????. I can’t even deal with Natu! Don’t get me started her matter tire me.. So I will just pass.. International kid my tail. Apparently she needs a refund cuz they sure didn’t do nothing for her. Knowledge is POWER but in Natu’s case, it’s Olodo.

    • Ready

      October 6, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Natu, I say this with all due respect…take it for what it is. I think you believe you’re a better human being than you actually are. You should take some time and assess yourself. Most of the things you’re quick to spew, e.g. “we don’t live in the same postcode” are condescending and speak to a lack of empathy with the world you live in. Perhaps it’s because you’re a 22-23 year old, but I think it’s something much deeper.
      Check yourself, little girl.

    • Catherine

      October 8, 2015 at 10:01 am

      “We don’t share a postcode”? Really? That’s supposed to be a diss? “Why are you mad? Is it because you can’t send your kids to international schools?” Really? What adult actually speaks that way? I hate to be the one to break it to you love, but some of the people who have commented here today and have advocated for modesty are probably far wealthier than your parents. They just have different values and principles. It is this presumption and ignorant way of assessing others merely by what you observe on the surface that Ari’s article was seeking to address. Unfortunately for you, all you did just now was prove Ari’s point for her by providing us with a living, breathing example of what she was talking about and how we DON’T want our kids to think and act. And you keep going on about how your education at an international school has made you international, trilingual and employable by an international company. My darling, I once again hate to be the one to break it to you, but time will teach you that the assumptions you are making are not exactly a given and there is an awful lot more to a professional career than the things you just mentioned. And if helping you get an “International” job with an “International” company is the only thing that your “international” school education has been able to help you with career -wise, then I would say that they have failed you. Sorry, (although I am sure not all your classmates act and think the way you do) but you have not been a great advertisement for the kind of schools that you were sent to.

  34. Sleek

    October 5, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    I remember going to pick up a friend who teaches in our of these high standard kinda school,why i was waiting for her outside,saw some ladies with their slut like looking wears,hair extentions that is more than 30 inches,and all bleached skin….i was wondering what or who are these ladies,(in big cars,G wagons,Range Rovers and all),am sure my car was the smallest(but i didnt care as i bought it with my hard earned money,brand new)

    when my friend,got in i was like i didnt know your work place is like this,and she was like Grace this celebrity that is his baby momma,this rich guy with so and so that is his baby momma,so so and so that is his 2nd wife abi 3rd sef,i was like what?

    They dont work like us they say they run businesses here and there,and their kids come out so very rude,can barely speak a good English and all that.

    Way back in my time,just like the writer said,i went to school with governors children,ministers, just name,(my parents wasnt any of the listed)but we were not bothered,we were very comfortable,and this didnt change what we became in future(today)we had morals,we went to learn not to go show off.
    God help me when i start raising my own kids.
    And for your information,these only happen in Nigeria(alot of fake people expecially on the island) smh

  35. Ms A.

    October 5, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    Growing up attending international school in Accra Ghana in the 80s and 90s was not like this at all, but recently i went back home to visit and was invited to a 13 yr olds brithday party (cos the childs mom is a friend of a friend and after meeting a couple of times in social circles she invited me, so i tagged along with my friend).

    The Child goes to GIS (ghana intnernational school), father works in oil company (Tullow Oil) plus also a side politician (his party in power now ofcourse).Do you know what they gifted 29 party attendees (the kids classmates) – They gifted I Pad 2- yes – crispy new Ipad.

    I was not impressed at all, and a lil ticked off ( i had to leave the party early cos they show off was too much) – I dont know why they always think folks like us who have come from abroad to visit will be impressed with this bullshyt. I was highly pissed off. like what are you teaching these kids. What are you trying to proof. Apparently they have to keep up with the Joneses cos the last party that lil child went to they were gifted brand new kindle, so they too they had to up their game.

    cut long story short, i have another friend whose young sister (a new uni graduate) works in GIS school and guess what, she told us This same parent who gifted Ipads to her 13 yr old school mates is known to always ask for extension for school fees (GIS i think their school fees is about $6000 per term excluding school materials) .

    For those of you who live abroad who are thinking of relocating home, as i was too (last year ), i advise you to make several trips and observe things first. Dont just pack your bags and ship them and relocate, cos you will get the shock of your life.

    One thing i realise is, most people are borrowing from peter to pay paul just to show off, and many who come on vacation abroad and entice you to move back home – they lie for Africa. A lot of liars, fakestars, and everybody showing off just to belong – i mean 30 and 40 and 50 yrs olds – everybody is faking – like seriously.

    That whole lifestyle kinda pissed me off big time. I will make my final relocation in 2017 after putting things in place (and waiting the new govt to come in to get rid of the current useless one we have now) and when i finally do i may not have any friends cos i have zero tolerance for bullshyt and if you are one of these fake “I wanna be or me too i want to belong ” type, i will tell it to your face. I just pray God blesses me with one or two friends who are not part of this Fake Crowd,. We have lived abroad for more than a decade, worked our asses off, paying rent, bills , loans etc, Faking the funk to belong to a group is not something i plan on doing.

    Above all of this what pissed me off the most was the fact that 99.99% of the middle class and upper class kids in ghana now DO NOT SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE APART FROM ENGLISH,

    Bellanaija, i urge you guys to post a topic on this issue on your blog because it has now become an epidermic not only in ghana but i also notice speaking to my many nigerian friends, its even worse in nigeria too.

    My own brother son 11 yr old included -born and raise in ghana, never set foot outside of ghana and that lil boy does not speak one Ghanaian language. We (my brother and I) had big fights and argument cos of this. I grew up middle class in the 80s in ghana, by age 7 i was speaking 3 languages and very fluent in all three till now (English, Twi, Ga) . We spoke english in school and when we came home we spoke our own dialect and when we played with friends in the middle class neighborhood we spoke different languages.

    If Indians and hispanic kids born and raised in the west can speak their languages as well as english, why do african parents feel like their own kids speaking their own language will make them not as eloquent or articulate. I was shocked one day in Target Store when a who looks no more than 4 yr old shopping with his mexican mom, was paying for something at the cash register, and the mom does not speak any english, the 4 yr old communicated with the cashier on behalf of his mom and translated back to his mom in spanish, and back to the cashier in english. I was so impressed yet sad for my nation ghana. I went back to the parking lot sat in my car for like 30 mins pondering of what i had just witnessed and comparing it to my own brother in Ghana whose 11 yr old son does not speak any other language but english . I was so deeply sad. My late dad a very traditional man, will be rolling his his grave.

    Did you even know that here in america, the chinese, koreans etc, have weekend schools solely for their kids to attend, where their kids learn not only their languages but also the customs and cultures (though they live in USA). I was shocked when i found this out.

    I see this problem mostly in West Africa. You will never see this in say East Africa (Tanzania especially who are so damn proud of the Swahili, that is the national language they even use in schools and english is their 2nd language, which should be rightfully so).

    Anyway sorry for digressing on the subject but seriously Bellanaija this topic of languages amongst our young generation is something extremely important for me so i beg of you to please put something up here so we discuss. If you like i will write the article and you post it. This discussion definitely needs to be had.

    • DD

      October 5, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Excellent comment. I agree 100% with you.

    • Pat

      October 5, 2015 at 5:11 pm

      This is the truth.com. Totally agree with all u said.

    • Fifi

      October 5, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      My child speaks Bini and yoruba becos i regret daily why my mum didnt insist on us replying her back in it, i understand perfectly,both grandmas were instructed by me from day 1 to only speak bini and yoruba to him, english is for school

    • Frosh

      October 6, 2015 at 12:40 am

      Because West Africans have alot of self hate #Truth, believe It or not, we want to be anything but what we are…

    • Fab

      October 6, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      What you said is so true, i live in ghana too and the display of wealth amongst parents in schools is alarming, a family friend once told me about a friend who’s son goes to a scholl called licoln in ghana and was gifted an ipad 3 as gift just because the last birthday the attended the were godted ipad 2. So imagine 12yrs old kids with series of ipads. A lady i know also has a daughter in GIS and i was shocked when i visited them and the lady introduced a boy about 12yrs to me as her daughter’s boyfriend, this girl will not be more than 12 too. How she was planning trips for summer to coincide with when the boy and his parents will also be in london. I was alarmed. The shocker was when this lil girl held the boy’s hands and walked him upstairs to her room while the mum sat with me downstairs and the mother didn’s see anything bad in that.

    • Beets

      October 7, 2015 at 8:05 am

      Dear Ms A. Thank you you for your comment. I wrote an article o something similar. I tagged it ‘The Bilingual Child and Grammar’. Please find it on bukolaajayi.blogspot.com. Thanks.

    • Mimi

      October 7, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Please dear the next time you go to party where they are dashing IPad, before you walk out with such zeal, abeg collect my own biko. 🙂

    • Race

      October 14, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Your reply is stupid and full of childish observations. I have children who go to GIS, and you may not know that GIS is close to 70 years old and has graduated many well adjusted successful adults. Their IGCSE and A level results are always first class. Just because you have seen one GIS parent display unbecoming behavior does not mean that majority of parents at GIS show that behavior. And good luck to waiting for the useless opposition party to come back into power. The opposition party stole Ghana dry for 8 years for your information. If you want to come to relocate to Ghana, I would advise you to concentrate on want you have to offer Ghana and not what everyone else is doing. At the end of the day children turn out with the values their parents inculcate in them, regardless of the schools they go to. Most international schools have a mixture of the “fake nouveau riche” people , and other types of people. So get real Missy, and don’t make general assumptions based on your very limited anecdotal evidence.

  36. Na Wa

    October 5, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    I have a sibling in one of these island schools and I tell you, the upbringing by the house is key. den no born am well make she go mess up…..you will be disciplined. I remember one time when my mum went to pick this said sibling from school, there was nothing wrong except for the fact that the car (brand new SUV oh) was very muddy coz we live in the zanga. Next thing the sibling made a comment about the car being embarrassing coz it was dirty compared to the other sparkling clean cars parked nearby. My mother was so shocked she decided a lesson must be taught. So she decided to drive around the school for no reason and every time she saw her friends or teacher she would slow down and say Hi…..next morning she woke her up at about 6am and told her to go and wash the car…..after which she gave her a loooooonnnnggg talk on gratitude and people who don’t even have parents to send them to school.

  37. My Question

    October 5, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    My question is that who are these parents and where are they?

    Many times we (Bners) talk and think in isolation.

    The society this, society that, Who makes up the society? We here constitute those people cos less priviledged people dont even have time to come to BN.

    Men this, Men that, are they from another planet? Are they not your brothers, fathers. boyfriends and husbands?

    Mothers raising up bad kids, mothers not raising up good sons, mothers spoiling their kids, parents this, parents that, who are these parents? Are we not the ones?

    Talk is cheap jo.
    “We” are the subject of discussion here.

    • Esther

      October 9, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      You have said it all

  38. Doxa

    October 5, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    buzznigeria.com/top-23-most-expensive-secondary-schools-in-nigeria-the-fees-are-really-mind-blowing/

    Enjoy!

  39. Tina

    October 5, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Tales By Moonlight. This reads like an article written to vilify private schools.

    • DD

      October 5, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Nope! I guess you attend(ed) a private school, but I think it’s clear from the piece that the writer isn’t saying that private schools should be condemned. There is absolutely no need to take it personal – unless your parents (or you – if you’re a parent) participate in the kind of over-indulgent behaviour described in the article and your private school encourages it.

    • Fifi

      October 5, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      Nope i went to a private school in the 90s while most of my friends still went to the federal, but we still had good upbringing then and the education system was still good, after 2000 everything just went to the dogs

    • mrs chidukane

      October 5, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      I went to private schools as well.

  40. Jhennique

    October 5, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Mtchewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
    Reading this just made me remember how i lost all my estate friends because I didnt get admission into QC in JSS1. To think i even passed them all by far in the QC entrance exam, Why i didnt get in is story for another day. People forming rich but are oweing where character is concerned.
    I cant stand fake people!
    Iv been church-rat poor, iv had plenty but in all i have learned wisdom from my very wise parents. Dear futrure children, dont you worry, your mentality shaping procedure is in safe hands.

  41. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    October 5, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    So I goggled the most expensive schools in Nigeria and found this http://tribuneonlineng.com/behold-most-expensive-secondary-schools-nigeria
    Errrhmmm what exactly are they teaching these kids there? 😮 😮

  42. palmwinefortwo

    October 5, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Love this article. This is a serious discussion we need to have as a society. I’m not a parent, but I can understand the gravity of the problem.

    As much as parents are to blame, I think it’s the responsibility of the schools to give the children that balance. The school should be a leveler in such a way that anything other than the basic tools for learning are frowned upon. This is why most schools have things like uniform requirements in the first place. Honestly, if I pay so much for a child in boarding school I expect the school to be able to feed them without the addition of pocket money and provisions. In fact, I don’t think children should even be required to handle money. Everything should be paid for at the beginning of term, or like in my school-we had an account and before the school officers signed off on anything you wanted to purchase they had to know exactly what the money was for. You couldn’t just have large sums of money on you for no reason.

    Maybe it might be a little strict, but I think boarding schools especially should be levelers. Nobody should be able to guess how rich/poor you are.’

    A bit off topic but, did anyone else go to a secondary school where Valentine’s Day was a big deal, and students tried to outdo one another with the quantity and quality of gifts bought? Lol!

    palmwinefortwo.wordpress.com

  43. palmwinefortwo

    October 5, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Love this article. This is a serious discussion we need to have as a society. I’m not a parent, but I can understand the gravity of the problem.

    As much as parents are to blame, I think it’s the responsibility of the schools to give the children that balance. The school should be a leveler in such a way that anything other than the basic tools for learning are frowned upon. This is why most schools have things like uniform requirements in the first place. Honestly, if I pay so much for a child in boarding school I expect the school to be able to feed them without the addition of pocket money and provisions. In fact, I don’t think children should even be required to handle money. Everything should be paid for at the beginning of term, or like in my school-we had an account and before the school officers signed off on anything you wanted to purchase they had to know exactly what the money was for. You couldn’t just have large sums of money on you for no reason.

    Maybe it might be a little strict, but I think boarding schools especially should be levelers. Nobody should be able to guess how rich/poor you are.’

    A bit off topic but, did anyone else go to a secondary school where Valentine’s Day was a big deal, and students tried to outdo one another with the quantity and quality of gifts bought? Lol!

    palmwinefortwo.wordpress.com

  44. *Real* Nice Anon

    October 5, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    These sort of things are so far removed from my reality that I can’t even fathom HOW? Things are happening indeed.

  45. Gorgeous

    October 5, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    This did not just happen today. Its because we did not have as many private schools. A lot of parents even in the 90’s were doing forms of what we are seeing today. And so their children are stretching it further. Lagos has always been for show, always. All the parents i knew back then used to cheat for their kids in entrance exams, and settle teachers so their children could pass. All!!!If it is bribing the secondary school teachers or in an external exam they will pay for expo. Except my father, who made us hustle like animals. It was so bad that my brother had to arrange himself, without my father’s knowledge as he could not carry last amongs’t his friends..
    I also know that the parents who were struggling the most sent their children to private schools on the island. These are junior staffs in my father’s company while we went to state school. When my father tried, through my mother’s persuasion to enrol me in vivian fowler, i refused. I truly was not interested in the fakery. He also tried to send me to boarding house in England, i also refused.
    As original lagosian’s we were entitiled to QC and KC, if my father will just ask. But he refused. We had to hustle for common entrance and use our quarter to go results to enter the school that took us. I am an omo eko gan gan ni, and i will tell you that Lagos is a facade. Most of those parents cant rub two coins together, or are surviving on the benevolence of corruption. If is now that Buhari is in, where everything is tight that you will see true colors. I come from a family of not only old money, but the Lagos circle which no matter how you show off, will be very hard to get accepted.

  46. Gone are the days

    October 5, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Who remembers when 2 cabin biscuit and half bottle of coke and a small slice of an un-iced cake was what each child got when someone celebrates their birthday in school? GOOD TIMES

    • Fifi

      October 5, 2015 at 5:38 pm

      Birthday parties was for dancing and games now its all themed and the party packs are flown in from london and america, jeeezzzz

  47. Umi adesewa

    October 5, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    I personally blame our society for this, you have people who are trying to live up to something they are not. That is one of the many things that upset me about Nigerians. Don’t get me wrong, if you have the money then your free to spend it. But make sure your children understand the point of gratitude. I hate when I see people who were born and bred here and their children can’t speak a lick of Yoruba, but their child has to have a foreign accent because that’s the in thing. Honestly it’s not, it’s quite annoying, speaking for myself I am always repeating myself so someone can understand me. I just pray the next generation will not ruin our country.

  48. jasmine

    October 5, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    People that went to ‘big’ private schools. My parents never had much so I never attended a ‘big’ private school but knowing the type of father I had, even if he had, I still will not attend a ‘big’ school. All he believes in is being morally upright and all that ish…Papa, God bless you for me. With my lil knowledge, I can train my kids well. Sometimes, we r the cause. When a parents who was poor suddenly becomes rich, he or she tends to forget how he struggled to get there and just train his or her child anyhow and lavish money. If u talk, they’ll say ‘life na one’, spend it well.

  49. Laila

    October 5, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    My friend’s sister goes to one of those schools on the island.
    She asked her mum for money to “buy a birthday gift for her friend”. Her mum gave her 60k!!!! She bought a pair of Chuck Taylors for her ‘boyfriend’. SS1 student (or shld I say Year 10). I was in shock. How will you now tell this kind of girl, upon graduation that her starting salary is 120k? That’s why they feel entitled. Some would rather collect pocket money from dad than collect measly 150k salary

    • eka

      October 9, 2015 at 9:03 am

      What are Chuck Taylors please???

  50. Niyoola

    October 5, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    See ehn, this ish is the truth!
    I remember when I was in Uni. I went to NuMetro bookshop (@ galleria). Wanted to buy some books. There was a little boy at the checkout desk infront of me.
    He wanted to pay for 1 spiderman comic book, 10,000! Ten thousand Naira. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the smallie (he couldn’t have been more than 5 years old) brought out a wad of crisp 500 naira notes and started trying to count. He obviously had no idea what he was doing, kept losing the count when he got around 11_12-13.
    The cashier collected the cash from him, counted out the 10k and gave him back the cash.
    The cashier and I bonded just by looking at each other during that moment. Amazing!

    • Remove my Ada's name abeg

      October 6, 2015 at 12:30 am

      No call d_azure name join there o. She is a very modest and humble babe.

    • Remove my Ada's name abeg

      October 6, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      I follow about half of the people on your list and it is wrong for you to call them out like that. I know for a fact 80% of those pages are private requiring you to send them a request for access to their postings. If they really want to be a nuisance they would have left it open. After you use your hand beg them to allow you see, the same you go dey vex say dem overdo.
      Yutee ‘s posting at times can make a grown woman cry but I would like to believe there was a point and time in her life when she was weeping, fasting and praying for what we see today. So who am I to judge. If it bothers me, I will unfollow them! If it makes you jealous, fall to your knees and cry to your own God or whatever you choose to believe in.

    • Concerned Dad

      October 7, 2015 at 7:45 pm

      Beginning of hypocrisy .

      So we are all condemning vanity and how parents are setting bad examples you are here saying what those ladies are posting on Instagram is justified. Private or not. Modesty is KING

      The real rich people don’t even have time to show off. They are so busy with work that Instagram is not required in their life. Vanity is killing Nigeria and we are all like the Kardashians and yet we don’t know it

    • Choi

      October 6, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Oh boy oh. Some people just wake up, eat and then chill…. see groove. Wetin Money go cause for this life Money no go fit solve am.

    • Anon

      October 6, 2015 at 10:34 am

      Ghen Ghen – these are Johnny Come Lately people. People who never had it when growing up and all of a sudden money has dropped. If you know those sisters’ background you will understand why they are like this. Best to ignore such people.

  51. Jagbajantis

    October 5, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    As an 80s baby, I grew up in Surulere, which I believed was the centre of the universe. It had the popular eateries where kids would drag their parents to for treats: Chicken George on Adeniran Ogunsanya (until it was savaged by rioters), UTC shopping complex, Leventis, Little Chef in Aguda. We were a short bridge trip away from Apapa Amusement Park where my favourite rides were the horror ghost rides and the jam cars. There was also a 50 foot ride which many people declined to enter. Make NEPA no go take light when you dey for up there.

    For cultural stimulation, I visited the National Museum Onikan which was just a bridge away from Surulere, and I recall seeing Nok terra-culture, Igbo Ukwu earthenware and Benin bronze works. We had school escortion trips as well as family visits on public holidays to the museums.

    The National Theatre also promoted cultural dances and plays. I remember watching “Halima Must Not Die” acted with Shakespearean perfection, what with heroes and tragic flaws.

    So I can say kids my age grew pretty well-rounded. I had uncles that boxed my ears when I behaved badly, I had enough cultural stimulation, and I could recite the 12-times table as well as the words to our National Anthem. I knew all the songs and characters on Sesame Street as well as I knew the ones on Uncle Jimi Solanke’s Storyland.

    When I look at the world today, especially Nigeria and I see the way children are brought up and the influences they are exposed to, my heart weeps. Not to be a doomsday monger – I mean Nigeria used to be one of the last cultural bastions of child discipline and infantile nurturing. Back in the 80s, there was a hit program on TV where the key word was “Shokolokobangoshe”; there was an Uncle on the program, I can’t remember his name, who asked the kids quiz questions on random subjects, and if they answered correctly they had the chance to play a shooting game with a toy gun with rubber bullets aimed at a dart-board. If they aimed and shot properly, they got a commendation from Uncle and a pack of Yum Yum potato chips, the coolest snack ever. That was childhood defined in 80s Nigeria in a sense – a strong, moralistic nurturing uncle or adult, snacks or treats to reward resourcefulness or good behavior, and a lesson to be learned at the end of every interaction.

    That is lost now. I went to Ikeja City Mall recently, and I was surprised with some of the shows of opulence from youngsters no older than 12. Unsupervised with wads of cash or their parent’s Visa card, splurging on food and with an on-call driver to boot. The disconnect with reality is massive in these ones. It is like they reside in an alternate reality where cash grows on trees, and the world is there to do their bidding. And their parents are too spaced out or busy to bring them, leaving them in the care of domestic servants and private school teachers, while they gallivant in search of contracts, sex, murder and mayhem.

    Kids these days sit in front of the TV, watching a huge pot-bellied purple dinosaur jump about excitedly like bad eko. I was at a Genesis cinema at Shoprite some years back, and some parents brought their kids to watch the movie “Zohan”. Are you kidding me? A movie about an Israeli freedom fighter with gay cut-off jeans shorts who had a happy sex appetite and enjoyed romps with over 60 something year old women? And some parents gnash their teeth and weep, as they run from pastor to pastor, when they realize that their son now prefers playing with Barbies and plaiting his hair with pink ribbons.

    We have to be careful how we bring up our children especially in Nigeria, because there are already so many negative influences in the country; corruption, get rich quick schemes, cultism, fetishes, retrogression, negative forces, cabals, physical wickedness in high government places, squalor and extravagance of the highest order.

    Nigerians also have a track record of copying any foreign or outside influence and taking it to the adverse extreme.

    • Phantastique!

      October 5, 2015 at 6:18 pm

      This sure takes me back.
      The uncle was Uncle Wole (Akinnosho), The program was called Animal Games. I distantly recall being allowed to go on the show once as a little girl , might have been as school visit or something. Those were the days!!

    • mrs chidukane

      October 5, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      How dare you talk about my Barney? I watched all the shows you referenced plus Tales by moonlight and Kidivision 101, I think Denrele was on it but I still loved my foreign shows especially Barney.

  52. justasking

    October 5, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    So between Lagos , PH and Abuja which city has the most spoiled rich kids
    I hear Abuja worse pass, I will raise my kid in another city

  53. maromec

    October 5, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Has anyone also noticed the funny accent taught to our kids in these island schools?
    I cant understand my daughters accent anymore,whether its portuguese abi British i don’t know and everyone around seems to love it apart from me.I love her vocabulary but her ACCENT?NO
    My question is how does learning how to speak like the whites help a kid later in life

  54. toyin

    October 5, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    if I enter this topic I wont finish, i blame the parents cause the same behavior the kids are exhibiting at home they are exhibiting in school. When a grown woman will see my phone and say ah ah , why are you carying this kind of phone, GIRL HAVE SEVERAL SEATS ON A 3 LEGGED CHAIR!, the phone can make and answer call end of story, i don’t need phone that will wash plate and make my bed. I also blame the educational system, the fgc and fggc and military schools were levelers, if your father likes let him be king of army staff and chief of military world, we all meet at these schools and pay the same schools with bank draft (kai but why bank draft sef, anyway story for another day), we all work the same check, maybe you had digestives while i had cabin (cabin is the best men, when you open that square in the back so air wont enter and make it soft. or you had Weetabix and i had cornflakes, isorait, but it was a leveler, if you were so rich please go and sit at home. sadly there are no good schools for the middle class families , (husband is a middle mangaer in a bank and wife is a also a bank worker maybe a few levels lower)., their options are either makaranta under a tree and only heaven knows what that child will learn or these super expensive schools where what they learn sef is another story and then teachers earn peanuts so why would anyone not want to work in a high brow school here they dash out free ipad,. anyway let me be quiet,

  55. Blah blah

    October 5, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Welcome to Bellanaija! Home for the saints, never sinners. Haven for the holy. So who exactly are these culprit parents? Are they too busy to comment on BN or shame dey catch them today? Or no BN reader belongs to these crop of parents. Non of us pamper our kids or spoil them rotten? BN! Land of the perfect! I just knew that all the comments on BN would support this topic and no one would proudly show up to say yeah I work hard for my money and will proudly spend it on my kids.
    Don’t come for me o. I never born pikin. Just saying.

    • Bette

      October 5, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      shut up Blah Blah
      you sound foolish with your sarcastic comment, huge fail at being sarcastic, try again Boo

    • Blah blah

      October 6, 2015 at 12:46 am

      Why so hurt? Did you go to one of them balloon schools? Brain full of hot air? No substance? There is nothing foolish about my comment and you know it. I spoke the plain truth and it clearly hurts you.

    • Alem

      October 5, 2015 at 11:28 pm

      [email protected]! My exact sentiments! Almost everyone has a friend or relative that has exhibited such behavior but no one wants to admit being guilty of this!

    • Iya'beji

      October 6, 2015 at 8:23 am

      My thoughts exactly!!!!

  56. Hauwa

    October 5, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Gone are those days where our parents prepared us for the future but now reverse is the case……..the FUTURE Is prepared for the kids. I piry the next generation

  57. zeebaby

    October 5, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Na wa o. Scary but real stuff. My friends 13 year old niece in Abuja stole N5m from her fathers room n spent it all on gadgets n gifts for her classmates. May God help our future generation.

    • Nabz

      October 5, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      What in the world was the father doing with N5m cash in his room?

    • Beeee

      October 5, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Where on earth did he get 5m cash to leave in the room????

      If your kids see you value and work hard for your money, they’ll think twice about doing such so popsie doesn’t fall and die….BUT!! If they know popsie has a minting factory in his room,of course they’ll take thinking he probably won’t notice so the girl popsie suppose dey EFCC lol

    • oponu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      very good.her father must be one of our national thieves

  58. Iyaloja central

    October 5, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    So, wait o, this people they are talking about, who are they o? Smh!
    Let me tell you how it starts: pre wedding shoot in Dallas, wedding in ruby gardens(1.8m) bmpro makeup artist(500k) photographer of the celebs(2m) asoebi(120k) and the list goes on; then wedding appears on bellanaija and we all “uuuuuuh and ahhhhh and woooow”
    The couple go home, fight, settle, go to the church where they preach prosperity, born pikin, take pics and bellanaija still displays it as headline news.oya tell me, which school the pikin go go? No be school of the elites Wey dey Instagram and bellanaija too?
    Am sorry to say, but bellanaija has also contributed to this fake and perfect life so make them no cast finger rara!
    Because of this, I voluteer to teach at different schools, I aim to instill self confidence and individuality in children and so far, I have seen results.
    If the home unit is well, the children will come out well. When mummy is busy with snapping selfie and teaching Teni how to pose so she can show her off, what else would Teni possibly know???
    Take your time as women to love your home. Money always comes and goes.

    • ATL's finest

      October 6, 2015 at 4:51 am

      Lol abiii very true!!!! Social media, peer pressure, low self esteem etc. They must belong! They want to drive 2026 car & they can’t afford it.. I know someone that live her life on Social media meanwhile, shes as good as bn a slave @ her Hubby’s house but if post pix on fbk or bellaninja, u say see life. #BROKE.COM# why do we ve to live for people? Smh thanks to God for the way my parents brought me up. I was spoil but I wasn rotten ( meaning just bcuz I got what I needed doesn’t mean I don’t get punished when I cross the line.)

  59. NaijaPikin

    October 5, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    I went to a military boarding school, no provisions allowed and pretty much everything we needed, parents paid a fee and school provided a uniform item to all students. The only way to shine was with your sports outfit finish.

    We had Obas kids, MDs of major companies, Military governors, AVMs, Air Marshalls, General’s kids in our school as well as local farmers, soldiers that lived in barracks and co’s kids. And we all hung out with no snotty attitudes attached. clicks were mostly based on states you lived (jos vs. lagos vs. Ibadan vs. PH), what class you were in (JSS1 A, B or C), what house you were in (red, blue, green, etc), how smart you were, how athletic you were, how social you were. Not class and fathers money.

    We as a country are really a confused lot.

    My goddaugther was turning 3, I was visiting naija and thought it’ll be a nice idea to get her a cake to take to school. Her mom was giving me a list of specs the cake had to meet. Apparently parents were going overboard with 5 layer cakes, scooters and bicyles for party packs. School had enough and send you can only bring biscuit, caprisun, a 9 inch 1 layer cake (of which half of the cake will be returned to you).

    I was impressed with the principal. Wayyy to go in taking a stand to curb the stupidity.

    • Taytay

      October 5, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      scooters, bicycles …inside party pack? So that what happened na? That’s why i love Corona Schools. No party packs or mufti for birthdays!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kia o ga

  60. Me thinks

    October 5, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Don’t believe everything you hear…yes there are some schools where thesee things happen but there are also some good schoolstuff in Lagos where morals are taught to the children.
    From experience, Catholic schools offer the bestate education in terms of academics with a HUGE EMPHASIS ON MORALS.
    I know the impact going to a Catholic primary and secondary school has made in my life.
    I know loads of parents who live abroad like you who just enrolled their kids in St gregs and holy child college. Granted the schools are not perfect…but they are no where as ridiculous as the schools described here. The Lagoon secondary school is also fantastic.

  61. Future Proprietor

    October 5, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Thank you guys for all comments. My husband and I plan on opening a school back home (an international christian academy in collaboration with some US schools ) and We are going to institute zero tolerance for all this nonsense. Matter of fact, after careful thought we need to have a meeting to discuss this. I like the commenter who said she attended the military boarding school where everything was provided – thus no room for showboating by the rich kids. I need to discuss this with my husband and our US partners. We want every child to feel welcome and never out of place regardless of their background, whether you are a scholarship kid or your parent paid in full. The rich will mingle with the poor on scholarships whether they like it not – and if you cant you can leave our school.

    • Anon

      October 5, 2015 at 9:57 pm

      Abeg make una do open am. My oldest is in nursery 2 so that he can attend a seemingly decent school. I hope entrance would be on merit.

    • Tomi

      October 6, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      I like this. May God bless your effort.

      I’ve also thought about establishing a school in Nig where children will be well rounded and not just focusing on academics.

      Admission on merit to your school would be really nice and a number of scholarships for students whose parents can’t afford it.

  62. Krasavitsa

    October 5, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    God bless you! I’ve always wondered abt this. How can any school not have a huge, grassy playground. Schools these days use interlocking tiles in their playgrounds. And I’m like what stupid-ass genius thinks it’s ok for kids to run around on concrete??? My bro’s school even went as far as drawing a football pitch complete with goal posts on such tiles. Now to d matter, it’s not only d rich pple oh; I feel poor pple’s kids are worse. Kids these days don’t even greet. They walk into a room full of adults or pass by your side and look you straight in the eyes without saying anything! It’s shocking. Not that I want pple’s kids to kneel and greet or anything. It’s just that I remember myself as a kid and my mum or neighbor sef will beat me senseless if I passed by without greeting. The problems of this country stems at the family level. Btw, Ari, God bless you for this topic. It’s good to read smthing diff from sex, relationship, sex, women empowerment blah-blah topics that don’t reflect the real problems of our society

  63. girlwithalbinorelatives

    October 5, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    @Ari: God bless you for this article. You spoke my mind.

  64. nene

    October 5, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    at the end of the day, this has become a global problem. education standards have fallen greatly even in the us and uk, and children have become more entitled, lazy, and lacking wisdom and decency. may God help us. i will definitely not bring my children up in this way. if i have to take them all the way to Asia, so be it.

  65. nunulicious

    October 5, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    Fake bella Niaja commenters!
    hehehhehe…the folks of “I just came back”
    Don’t you buy your clothes from H&M, zara, or an island boutique or use that app that allows you shop online from malls in America and UK?” What happened to eko market? do you know the deep recess of balogun?
    When have you ever entered Iddo or mile 2 for your foodstuff? Wait even ordinary Ajah market sef for your pepper? all ye supermarket shoppers.

    Does your child know what it means to enter bus or keke? no be drive una dey drive am all over the place? When last did you play ten-ten with your kids/nieces/nephews or “catcha” or hide and seek? or even allowed them to get “lost” in the neighbourhood? Sebi you feel safer with them under your nose in front of TV with their x-box and ipads? or on social media?

    The only reason you are hating on these parents of these kids is because you can’t afford it YET. enough of these false and shallow proclamations of “when I have my kids”

    • mrs chidukane

      October 6, 2015 at 12:44 am

      At Nunulicious, no-one is going to reveal their day to day activities with you. Yes we spoil our children to some degree, i’m a mother and though I live in Nigeria, I hardly ever shop for my child in Nigeria. Why? Because Nigerian shops usually over price their items and sometimes the quality isn’t sure. Why pay so much when amazon, carter’s and co exist? The main issue here is how some parents now over do the spoiling and end up raising entitled brats that will do their society no good. Why will a mother give her daughter 60k for presents for a friend? Or appreciate a teacher with an iPad? Come on, It’s not jealousy.

  66. Papacy

    October 5, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    That’s how this 9 year old daughter of a colleague asked me for my number. I asked jokingly “do you own a phone?”. She gave me this what-age-are-you-from look. Honestly, I was embarrassed. She goes “I hate my phone, after this hols my daddy is getting me a blackberry, gimme your number!”. Wow. Just wow! From the write up and comments she obviously isn’t with the cool clique since she’s not about the iPhone life yet. I never use iphone at ds my age na em pikin go de carry iphone! If u are a parent on this forum and you are guilty of this, this is not bad belle, repent!

  67. Cock and bull story

    October 5, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    just look at all of them… so which school did all the thieves looting this country blind attend??? with all the ”morals” in those days…

  68. Mo

    October 5, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    I know a parent who took loan to fund first class ticket for his child to go on holiday abroad.

    • ATL's finest

      October 6, 2015 at 4:40 am

      @ Mo imagine! Loan ke I wonder what they will do when it comes to marriage or school. Some parents sha

  69. Alem

    October 5, 2015 at 11:29 pm

    [email protected]! My exact sentiments! Almost everyone has a friend or relative that has exhibited such behavior but no one wants to admit being guilty of this!

  70. madamnk

    October 5, 2015 at 11:50 pm

    This hits home for me. Growing up, my parents were strict on I and my sister. We were raised properly and understood that the annual trips out of the country were dependent on our good grades and behaviour. We had a maid but we treated her like an aunty and we did house chores. Now fast forward, I’m 22, my sister is 21 and i have a baby sister who just turned 13 and my parents are spoiling her silly. She attends a british school in PHC and is turning out to be a very spoilt and entitled child.
    I and my other sister are in Uni in England and my baby sister came over this summer with my parents and she has an iPhone 6 (meanwhile we dey manage our iPhone 4 and 5) and my mum wanted to get her an iPad. We protested and I seized her phone after noticing she was lazy wouldn’t even stack up the dishwasher, not even to wash the plates by hand oh. She wasn’t appreciative of the things my parents got for her and wanted more. Her hand-luggage and school bag were designers and she told my dad she wouldn’t wear any school shoe he bought if it wasn’t from Clarks.
    I was mad especially when I went through on her phone and saw her convos with her friends which were very shallow and ridiculous. Who wore this and who had this phone and how many countries they visited in one summer. I sat her down and spoke to her sternly and held on to the phone till she was about to leave. I also spoke to my parents about it. These were people that wouldn’t have tolerated 1/10th of what they are tolerating from this child. My mum laughed and said “she’s an old age child”. I just hope she doesn’t go down the wrong path.

    • Itha

      October 6, 2015 at 3:37 am

      YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl are you sure we are not family members? this is my story…mine is my younger brother. I was the last born for a loooooooong time then my parents had him. They also refer to him as ‘old age child’ or ‘retirement baby’. The things he gets away with ehn, i would have committed suicide before ever allowing my parents catch me doing them. The other older children (we all have sense), so i discipline him like he’s my own son. I love him but I cant have a rebellious wayward brother.

      Most of them continue with this useless attitude even when they come abroad for uni. I see lots of them here. Their parents will be sending school fees from 1st year to 4th only to realize their son hasn’t been in school since after 1st year. Using his school fees to buy cars. Its from naij the nonsense started, the parents will now come here crying and looking for pastors to pray for their family. One even fainted at the childs supposed uni graduation when they found out the child hadn’t even been in school (dropped out after 1st semester).

      Im not a mother yet so i can’t dictate how to raise children but for sure spoiling them silly and not allowing them understand the value of money is not the way to go.

    • Question

      October 6, 2015 at 10:16 am

      I am sorry but I need some clarification, the child that dropped out of school after the first semester abroad, was He a citizen of that country as in born in the Us and became a citizen? because the child would have been deported a long time ago.

      Regarding old age child, you are right and it is funny how these things happen.

    • madamnk

      October 6, 2015 at 11:35 am

      exactly. I think because I and my sister are away, it’s easier for her to get away with all these things. Anyway we are moving back next year after masters so she go hear am.

  71. Mimi

    October 6, 2015 at 12:45 am

    This is really serious , Nigerian parents are to blame especially because at the end of the day this teachers just do what the authority demands of them. Because the parents have payed for thier loyalty and have no right to talk to thier children, they can’t even scold someone’s child because they will loose thier job.

  72. Jaiye

    October 6, 2015 at 1:36 am

    Whaaaaaa I know some parents who purchased summer flight tickets for the teachers this summer
    ….

    Nigerians cheiiiiiii

  73. NOELLA

    October 6, 2015 at 3:06 am

    COMMON SENSE SURE ISN’T COMMON..NIGERIANS ARE TOTALLY MISGUIDED..THIS IS CLASSIC MONEY MISS ROAD BEHAVIOR..PARENTS THAT HAVE A COMPLEX AND THINK MONEY BUYS CLASS, GOOD BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS…THESE MINDLESS PARENTS ARE CREATING MONSTERS WHO CANNOT COMPETE AND THRIVE IN THE REAL WORLD…AND THE IRONY IS THAT THESE PARENTS IN NIJA SET THEIR SPOILT BRATTY KIDS UP FOR A PITIFUL FUTURE..AND THEY THINK THEY ARE PREPARING THEM FOR LIFE IN THE WEST SUCH AS USA AND ENGLAND…..PLEASE COME TO YANKEE WHERE PEOPLE LIKE ME RAISE OUR KIDS THE TRADITIONAL WAY…MY CHILDREN PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES MY 6 YEAR OLD SON CAN FIX HIS BREAKFAST AND LUNCH FOR SCHOOL…THEY CLEAN THEIR ROOMS AND MAKE THEIR BEDS…HERE IN AMERICA EVEN IF YOU HAVE A HOUSEKEEPER THEY DON’T TAKE CRAP FROM THE KIDS AND THEY ARE NOT EVEN RELIABLE..YOU KEEP ROTATING THEM..EVEN IF YOU BRING YOUR AUNT FROM THE VILLAGE AS A NANNY BY THE TIME SHE GETS TO NIJA CHURCHES THEY ADVISE HER ON HOW TO SEEK ASYLUM AND TELL IMMIGRATION THAT SHE IS BEING ABUSED TO GET HER PAPERS…WHENEVER I VISIT NIJA I AM TRULY APPALLED AT THE LEVEL OF SHALLOWNESS AND LOW SELF ESTEEM BEHAVIORS…AUNTS AND EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS ASKING ME WHY MY PRETEEN DAUGHTERS DO NOT WEAR HIGH HEELED SHOES AND THEY SHOULD BE WEARING MAKE UP…EVEN MY DAUGHTERS ASK ME WHY GIRLS THAT ARE IN THEIR AGE GROUP LOOK LIKE “LITTLE WOMEN” WITH THEIR WEAVES AND SUGGESTIVE DRESSING…IT IS A REAL PITY AND STEMS FROM COLONIAL MENTALITY AND SELF ESTEEM ISSUES AND FOLLOW FOLLOW PEER PRESSURE BEHAVIORS.. WHEN PARENTS ENGAGE IN THESE BEHAVIORS….DON’T WE HAVE BRAINS ANYMORE???? YOU THINK YOU ARE GIVING YOUR OVER ENTITLED CHILDREN A GOOD LIFE BUT CONTRARY TO THAT YOU ARE SETTING THEM UP FOR FAILURE…BECAUSE EVEN THE MOST EXPENSIVE FINISHING AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS IN THE US DO NOT PICK UP AFTER YOUR KIDS….AND QUITE FRANKLY THEY DO NOT CARE FOR YOUR KIDS AND THEY WILL ENCOUNTER THE HARSH REALITY OF RACISM AT SOME POINT..

    I REALLY NEED TO HAVE A SEMINAR FOR ALL THESE MINDLESS RICH PARENTS TO GO BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD AND TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS…

    • Krasavitsa

      October 6, 2015 at 1:46 pm

      Babe, it’s a srz issue but you didn’t need to type in upper-case. Btw, you made very valid points. Why will parents let their high school kids wear make-up??? I wasn’t officially allowed to wear any until abt the age of 18. And even then it was very light. Plus I was forming #teamnaturalbeauty then so…. Anyhoo, My older sis struggles with a salary of less than 160k but enrolled her kid in one very mumu school like that. Tuition fee is abt 200k per session for a kid in nursery class. My mum and sisters did everything to dissuade her but according to her, she wants d best for her son. Did I mention that she was still living in my dad’s house then? The kid had like 4 school bags and the school has 5 diff uniforms for different days plus air-conditioned classes. Like a 6yr old needs air conditioner to learn 2 times 2. Mscheww. One doesn’t have to be too rich to display wannabe behavior. She spoils the boy silly it’s so annoying. I told her if she won’t raise her kids right, she shdnt let them visit me when I have mine by God’s grace.

  74. Sir HarveyDent

    October 6, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Interesting read Ari.

    Growing up in Nigeria was the best experience ever.

    I went to Command Secondary School Ipaja, you can only imagine the SUFFER! The motto was Discipline and Knowledge, the DISCIPLINE came first.

    I remember one students father been punished to do FROG JUMP cause he was out of line. Haha.

    I had my friends that went to private school ATLANTIC HALL etc, they displayed this same traits you have written about, but back then everyone was keen on traveling for exposure, like my parents did through out the 60’s till today. Guess what we all doing fine in London (if you like beef me), 9 out of 10 of us are doing fine.

    Truth is there’s a lot more for kids to learn than formulae and the likes, the mind always craves more, I still can’t comprehend why our girls still have to cut their hairs in secondary school, learning to take care of your body should be the first knowledge ever.

    Kids demanding champagne etc, we quick to blame schools and teachers for the kids actions. Let’s sit back and ask ourselves this question, where did these kids learn this attitude from?

    All this is learnt from home, home is where most kids learn all this, DSTV etc, everyone seems to have forgotten our music industry has exploded of late. Connect the DOTS, cause from your article, these kids seem to be ahead of the parents.

    Spend time at home with your kids, and not wearing aso ebi every weekend.

    No one seems to travel to near by states anymore, Idahre hills is there

    • Presco!

      October 6, 2015 at 10:56 am

      Talking about your school just made me remember my secondary school back in Benin…Was one of the best in those days and still one of the best even now…PRESENTATION NATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL…all students carry low cut hair from Js 1 to SS 3. If the reverend sisters found your hair was longer than the required length, they put a scissors in it lol. The checks we wore was a simple style, if the sisters found your style was inappropriate or not as modest as what was required, it was seized and never would be seen again. Provisions were not allowed sef. If you were caught with provisions, you were suspended or expelled depending on their moods. Even on visiting day, they banned food dues to some reasons and only fruits and drinks were allowed. If you were caught eating food in your parents car on visiting day…suspension again lol! We all had various chores we were supposed to do every morning before school and saturday was the grand day of all chores, where each houses compete for the cleanest house and was awarded. Mine was mopping bathroom floor, sometimes corridors or washing laundry. It was in that school i learnt so much about chores and hardwork that has made me who i am today. Gosh! So much memories. I miss that school sha. Their trainings were tough but we survived to become the girls we all are today (Was an all girls catholic school). I always say that if that school still maintains that standard with the way i was trained, my children and grand children must surely go back there. Shout out to Sister Maggi, sister justina, sister Angela, sister beatrice and sister Theresa, sister Mcdaniel sef….i miss u all *blows kisses*

    • Peaches

      October 6, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      @ Presco lol whadup!!! I knew I was gonna meet a Presco chick commenting on this article.. Well yes, this article reminded me of Presco too oh lord who can ever forget all the effizy they did smh. I miss high school too. Wait a min they only allow fruits and drinks on visiting day? No beta food chai I’m glad I was gone by then ??? But yes that school made me stronger and in Jss3, I almost left to World of Faith group of schools but thank God I didn’t. Boarding school is an amazing experience I kid no one

    • Ivy

      October 8, 2015 at 4:47 pm

      Presco! Presco!! “Ladies growing in grace”

    • bbz

      October 9, 2015 at 7:37 pm

      una presco babes, i c all of una!
      Nah, they allowed snacks n drinks but no cooked food.
      You forgot to mention, sisters making a sign of the cross on your head if your hair cut was not low enough.
      At least we all overcame!

  75. ariel

    October 6, 2015 at 11:10 am

    Hmm na wa oh! i have a friend who teaches primary in one so called american school, the pupils make comments such as lovely hairdo Ma’am but its not brazilian. i say shuooo me sef only knew how to tell the difference between brazilian and Premium Too only in level 300…one child said Ma’am u need to have atleast one proper designer hand bag or a pure leather bag will do!!! m like seriouslyyyyy??? who teach dem sef?

  76. Adaeze Writes

    October 6, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    Even though I’m surprised at the open display of wealth by parents and the over-indulging nature of some schools in Nigeria, I can only say, ‘the way you lay your bed, is exactly the way you’ll lie on it’
    I keep wondering, ‘why all these expenses?’ Are we not all headed to the same labour market? Won’t we at some time, occupy the same offices? Haba!
    Today, I saw a young woman who I see everyday seated at the front of the church in Lekki 1 begging for alms, trekking to the bustop with a heavy load on her head, a child strapped to her back and her young son who should be in kindergarten, held at her right side. The little boy was walking down the streets on Lekki in bare-feet and you can imagine the kind of rain that fell today in Lagos with the cold and all. This broke my heart and now, I’m reading all this and I can’t help but think that many of these ‘so-called’ rich people will pass this woman and her children by on the road in their luxury rides and won’t even proffer help.- ‘I’m not judging anyone and I know that a lot of rich people help alot and many people camouflage as beggars to get free money.
    I feel it’s time that parents searched themselves truly and deeply. Do they know that there are some sins that these kids commit that they ‘their parents’ would be held responsible for?
    I understand that everyone wants the best for their kids and all but let’s not forget that one who doesn’t work will not eat. If we bring up these kids in this ‘old and new money’ mentalities, how do we expect them to save salaries and build up homes. Over-indulgence could breed laziness.
    I have said it over and over again, I was not a spoilt child and none of my children will be spoilt by me or my husband. I will teach them to work hard for their living from a tender age, and any of my children that’ll misbehave will be rewarded with some strokes of Koboko which will sharply set them to default!

  77. DD

    October 6, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    I laugh in spanglish once again. it’s so sad but true.. these things didnt just start today.. i dated a guy way back that use to say things like, he was lazy, things get missing he won’t even bother, cos mum was always there to replace them e.g when he was younger they only travelled abroad so as not to carry last.. His mum went as far as working out his B.sc for him, via a messionary( folks that sit for exams for people). He was in uni quite alright in jand, he didnt do well. i dont think he came out with a good grade from Uni. I found out one day whilst i was going thru his credential.. How it was possible to have acertain degree in a different uni, same time in a different country. He says his mum did it .. maybe cos she’s been spoiling him since he was a kid or she probably knew her son better( academically wise) hehehe. She worked her way out for him even during his nysc,even when it was time for him to move out and leave on his own, he didnt seem to want to leave, cos his mum did not want him to stay on his own, and the stupid thing behind it was he saw it as she was making sense, and not seeing that he had to just man up and be a man, but instead saw it as love and she just being overprotective, or he was probably too comfortable at home, cos his food was served to on a platter, he didnt need to stress himself, even his dirty clothes were washed and ironed by a wash man, rent free, allowance free, same as his other siblings, but he got the most spoilt treatment ever compared to his siblings and even when there’s no money, they put a front like they’re swimming in cash and hang out with the big wigs of the city. He’s mum paid for his marriage. Pretty sure she pays his rent now, probably lives not far from his mum, and i bet his mum also gives him money to put food on his table even as his married .

    I use to ask questions like why he they couldn’t be realistic?. i just use to feel wrong when we were dating, like we are too different. Cos i came from a home, where you do things for yourself. . I was raised with the ” Don’t Spear the rod, or you will spoil the child” training . The only thing my parents owed us was a good education and good upbringing . You have to be content with what you have. Work hard and diligently to succeed. We will argue whenever i asked him “to see that there is something wrong with his upbringing and for how long will they(him and his family) keep leaving fake lives, or when i ask how he will cope when he decides to settle down with someone in the future and what respect does he intend to get when one is lazy, does not know the value of money, but one who just wants to have fun, spend money just becos he’s trying to keep up with the joneses. Who do you think will suffer more at the end. You see these folks on Instagram with a false sense of belonging . You can easily tell by the pictures they upload on their pages. You can even differentiate the ones that are working hard to live sincere lives… May GOD help these generation and the generation to come in JESUS name.

  78. Weather

    October 6, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Story for days!!! A speaker on TED talk once said that the landscape for education keeps shifting. The standard keeps changing and factors like those mentioned by the writer are the cause. Wo, God will help us sha.

    But some people be posting comments here as if they would not do worse if they were in said shoes. Bloody hypocrites!!

  79. freda roli

    October 6, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    when i first read the book “mother’s choice” (for those of us who went to fgc school’s).. I anticipated that a time would come when that book would be a reality and here it is….

  80. Aijay

    October 6, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    @Weather I think the TED talk you mean is “how to escape education’s death valley” by Sir Ken Robinson. Good parenting these days is not child’s play, whoever determines to be a good parent has to work extra hard to achieve it because there’s a lot working against the children of our generation, especially as it relates to spiritual, social and mental development. It’s not enough to criticize, yes the issues are glaringly obvious but how can we do better? not only with our biological kids but these ones that we see everyday or occasionally. How other parents raise their children may not be your problem until your kids go to school, church, camps or some other place and encounters them. Parents can only do so much at home, but from experience there’s a bigger chance of external influence determining how your kid would turn out than what you taught them at home. So we all have to be intentional about correcting bad behavior when we observe it in the kids we meet everyday and teaching them what they don’t know or haven’t heard before for their own good. I truly fear for the children of my generation, there’s a lot of misplaced priorities exhibited by some parents and it’s very sad, all show and no substance and it’s only going to get worse. The person that said one of the most important decision there is is the choice of who you marry didn’t lie one bit

  81. AccraLady

    October 6, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    By the way as we speak of spoiled rich kids of Nigeria and Ghana, i personally also know of a billonaire kid i went to school with, I have never seen a so down to earth unassuming billonaire kid in my life. So gentle so unassuming very down to earth, kind hearted and very caring – not flashy at all – very rare for a nigerian kid born and raised on banana island.. I mean she has traits i have never seen in any billonaire kid. I never knew she was a billonaire kid until after we graduated and someone told me. I praise the parents who raised her. I know her other siblings too and they are all like that. I am sorry i wont mention her name here (she doesnt like that publicity). her initials are A.M.

  82. Ms A

    October 6, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Whilst we are at it please could **SOME** of these every so busy today wealthy parents of these spoiled rich kids (who leave all the training of their children to househelps to do) with ample access to all types of soaps (foam bath and all and feminine wash and razor blades at their disposal) please teach their sons and daughters to keep clean especially when they hit the teenage years and you know the body is going through all types of stuff,

    We live in humid Africa and if poor kids who only have one soap for family of 6 can do it, wealthy kids can be more hygienic

    **Teach them to bath twice a day – morning and evening before they go to bed
    ***Teach them to lay their beds and change their towel and sheets once a week even if one sheet one towel is all the own. You cannot sleep on one sheet and use one towel for months on end in this sweaty humid african weather, Sad enough this is what some husbands are enduring from their dirty wifes now as we speak – sleeping on sheets for weeks on end. Ewww, I have this notion that house helps or no househelp, a dirty woman or wife does not know when something is dirty and have to change it or instruct househelp to change. Once you are dirty you are dirty – point blank and simple. Dont full me with your fleek ankara asoebi and matching shoes at events, Your home is dirty clean it.

    **Teach the girls to change sanitary pad at least four times a day (and bath twice a day or wash under there with water and/or soap three times even) and neatly wrap it so no one will ever see it (when you go on your london trips superdrug sells scented sanitary bags you can put the soiled pad it, tie it tightly and throw away discreetly
    ***Teach these teens girls and boys to shave their ampits well possibly twice a week use the many imported roll ons and sprays you buy on your london and usa trips
    **Teach the boys especially to keep their fingernails clean
    **teach them to wash their own clothes and iron (growing up though i didnt wash clothes i was made to iron THE WHOLE FAMILY clothes after the househelp finished all the washing and i helped her to take it off the line once it was dry). When i mean All i mean all. Yes my mom was strict. What pissed me off and i never understood was when we took it of the lines, she had me fold before i put in the basket, and when i was ready to iron , then i have to unfold, iron and fold again or hand on a hanger. Mom had me iron even cotton pantie (as in drawl, yes ooh – that woman , I feared her)

    Its not all about wearing make up (at 13) and dressing with latest clothes

    As someone already commented, some of these rich kids are not being taught to be hygienic cos everything is done for them including housemaid/househelp washing their panties for them at 13.

    And to the teenage boys putting on plenty cologne is not going to quench the BAD odor, shave and use roll on and spray twice a day.

    growing in up in the 80s and 90s these are what i knew how by age 11 or 12
    **BATH MY SELF AT AT 6 and yes at that age i knew how to wash my under well cos i was taught my mom
    **BY AGE 10 I WAS GROWING HAIR UNDER MY ARMPIT – my mom taught me to use the shaving stick well, even my poor friend in secondary school who did not own shaving stick she used blade and was so experienced and got the same clean effect as i who use the shaving stick. I appreciate secondary school because you meet all sorts of people from different background rich or poor and you all learn from each other.
    **BY AGE 13 I WAS IN FORM 1 IN SECONDARY SCHOOL WHEN I GOT MY PERIOD BUT BEFORE I LEFT HOME MOM HAD TAUGHT ME HOW TO CLEAN MYSELF AND GET RID OF THE COTTON WOOL (YES I USE COTTON WOOL IN THOSE DAYS, SANITARY PADS WERE NOT AT MY DISPOSABLE EVEN AS A MIDDLE CLASS KID)
    **THOUGH WE HAD SEVERAL MAIDS IN MY HOUSE, MY MOM NEVER LET THE HOUSEHELP WASH MY PANTIES, SHE DID IT FOR ME UNTIL WAS I WAS 7YRS OLD
    ***COOKING, WASHING DISHES, DRYING DISHES, PUTTING AWAY DISHES, GOING TO THE MILL TO LOCAL TO BLEND CORN, GOING TO BUY CHARCOAL, SWEEPING, ETC, WE HAD HOUSEHELPS AS I MENTIONED BUT MY MOM WAS SO STRICT AND HAD AS DO ALL THAT.

    I use to be so mad at her cos in my middle class neighborhood hardly did i see my friends do all these damn chores (except 1 girl called Valentina, the halle berry of the neighborhood whose mom was also super strict – been looking for that girl on facebook forever, i gave up – we have a lot of reminiscing to do) but as i have grown older it all makes sense and i became a better adult with many learnt skills, As an adult i am now a neat freak, with a squeeky clean home, cook and know how to take care of my self and family well. Many of my middle class and rich friends i grew up with – did not learn this skill and thus suffering in their marriage.

    CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME,
    THE TEACHER IN THE SCHOOL OR THE MAID IN THE HOUSE CANNOT TEACH YOUR KIDS
    YOU HAVE TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOME SET RULES IN LIFE, NO MATTER HOW POOR OR HOW BANANA ISLAND RICH YOU ARE

  83. Ms A

    October 6, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    if you are wondering what the charcoal was used for – though we have several stoves in the kitchen, when it came to some specific meals which had to be made on coal pot (big pot on a stove just does not work) – because of the strengty you need to stir the corn meal thick and to make into round balls. The pot is so big even on the coal pot you still needed to metal sticks on each side of the pot to secure the pot as you stir. Going to buy that charcoal was on of the chores i hate the most, because the route i took to go buy that charcoal was in front of a guy whom l had a secret crush ons house. One day he and his crew were standign in front of their gate and saw me carrying the charcoal bag. Ofcourse they laughed at me. I cried all the way home. but that did not deter my ever so strict mom. She had me still go buy charcoal at least once every two weeks – this time i took a different and longer route.

    • NIN

      October 7, 2015 at 7:34 am

      Ok madam, we know you were raised well and you are a neat freak. Good for you, but pls don’t come and write ur autobiography here. Smh

  84. Noella

    October 6, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    My husband and i were thinking of sending our kids to nija but with all i am seeing it’s not going to happen. I think nija is worse than yankee. Social media and misguided parents have created monsters. Imagine a student telling their teacher she doesn’t have Brazilian hair when i was in college in nija we couldn’t even talk to our teachers there were well defined boundaries. You people think this is the american way. It isn’t like this here in America. I have white kids in my church conservative xtians who do not even watch television. This is pure slave complex mentality and it is pathetic to see. Worldliness has reached epic proportions.

  85. Dora

    October 7, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I also blame the media and our so called celebrities who are always uploading stupid vain acquisitions on social media and then stupid parents and young people feel it is the yardstick of success. They should take their own share of the blame bcoz they pass wrobg messages to the public who sadly have no filter and take everything for face value. You will see a young boy passing sleepless nughts doing yahoo or dating and old woman in abother continent, for what? To take the money and buy designer things and go to the club and show off on insta. Unfortunately, those young boys have now become fathers and mother hence the reason for what we are seeing today. Misplaced priorities!!!!!!!!!! Furthermore, the one now they are picking from d ‘celebs’ (I don’t regard them as one), is to have children up and down outside wedlock. It is becoming very trendy and no longer frowned at. Ladies and gentlemet, I minse no words when I say iIT IS UTTERLY WRONG. These kids are the mums and dads of tmr and they will see nothing wrong in have 7 children from different people without the need to marry. We are slowly building a dysfunctional society without even knowing. The nigerian society is a ticking bomb, and b4 u know it, we will no longer recognize it. Thanks to d idiot celebrities. Parents, we have double work to do o. It is well. The Lord is our helper.

  86. Dora

    October 7, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    Pardon my typos, I have so much anger for the way such a blessed and beautiful country is turning out to be. Look at Deziani Maduekw. Such and exposed and educated woman… In fact let me not eve go there. Power/money seems to strip people for their humanity and sence of right and wrong. The Lord is our helper!!!!!

  87. Concerned Dad

    October 7, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    My kids school in the UK. They are all in private christian schools not because of class but because of the values in the UK public schools. They started off at public schools but I had to switch. In comparison to Nigeria, the private schools in UK are somehow the same but much better. In fact not as bad as what I am reading here and what I have noticed in Nigerian Schools.. Once my boys leave Primary, they are going to public Grammar Schools in UK which is equivalent to Fed Gov Colleges in Nigeria. The Grammar Schools are selective schs so you have to pass exams to get admission. You have kids from poor background, middle class and upper class as well, so it’s a balance. I know of a private Sec in UK that preaches to parents to stop giving kids iphones and ensure the students are not on social networks(Instagram, twitter, facebook etc). This is a School that produces girls going to Oxbridge and Russell Universities(Top 20 UK Unis) only

    My daughter came to Nigeria and visited my friend’s house whose daughter is my daughter;s age mate. She came home complaining that the girl has iphone and ipad and she is her age. Of course I bought her the lowest Samsung galaxy ace – £80 value. She has been using it for 3 years and I will only change it to another samsung galaxy until she is 16. Even then she will just get a better android. She will have to work and use her money to buy iphone if she is crazy about it.

    We almost moved them to Nigeria but when I noticed all these issues, I changed my mind that they are better off in the UK private Sch that I am complaining about than moving them to Nigeria. At least, the private Sch still have discipline, they teach them to be responsible. Birthday parties in UK are so easy and simple!!! Just call few kids to a cinema and give them sweats and popcorn or simply take them to pizzahut. Max you will spend will be £200

    God help you people in Nigeria.

    Another concern as expressed by the Ghanaian lady earlier is that our kids no longer speak our language anymore. Its terrible. I am guilty but I have been trying to teach my kids in UK and they have not been showing interest but they do try to understand a bit. I will keep trying till they can communicate in Yoruba.

    PS: I can afford the Nigerian Schools but they are too expensive for the Nigerian Economy in my opinion. I rather save that money for the kids masters and start in business

    • Ari Mo

      October 9, 2015 at 11:05 am

      Hello. God bless you. Keep teaching your children your dialet, they might not respond but they understand. I always replied my parents in english, my step mother was shocked the day a had a long conversation with her in my dialet and laughed. I asked why she laughed? She said I was speaking our dialet and correctly too. I reminded her that she always talked to us in our dialet, she goes “yes, but you reply in english”. I told her I always remembered how she says those words and even laugh most times mimicking her. I’m better now. Keep it up.

  88. Mr. S

    October 7, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    I agree with few of the readers who admitted we are the parents being described here. Perhaps not always by design, but that won’t wash off all the guilt. I work really hard (or I like to think so) and my wife and I drive those Pajeros (I didn’t call them jeeps before our Amelican friends will kill me) but my wife is not working. So she’s already planned the school our sole son will attend when he’s 3. She’s a fashionista and a fashion designer who’s interested in letting people see her designs. She’s already planning to go learn how to bake and do all sorts of non-sticky food because our son will soon start school. Put all of these together, fast forward to a year or two when I can afford the Benz I am praying for, and violà, my family joins the clique of ‘those parents’. Here’s my point: busy, upwardly mobile parents, some money to spend and there’s your disaster waiting to happen.

    I went to School of Science in Ife in the 90s and our Principal was a Reverend. Figure the rest out. My wife attended agree springs in Anthony a decade later. So there’s a disconnect in our upbringing. And when it comes to matters like children’s schools, my take is that women win the argument. I wish and hope my kid won’t turn out to ‘one of those kids’ but there you have all the recipes – busy parents, small change, etc.

    I wish I can convince my wife to let Little K school in Ibadan close to my mama. I wish…

  89. Bose Lawal

    October 8, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    great post! that is the state of affairs in Nigerian Private schools now! I was taught in a private sch, where the parents show off their assets, to the extent that the one driving a more posh and expensive car will not manoeuvre the way for a lesser expensive car! that crazy! And I have this intuition that such acts come from a poverty background! 99.9% of the fault is from the parents. As a parent, you have to determine why and how you want your child ‘s survival’s skills to be in future. Parents now have a choice of either pampering your child with either material things or knowledge etc. either way, the end justify the means. what do you want your child to say about you in future?

  90. Catherine

    October 9, 2015 at 11:23 am

    See beef!!!

  91. person123

    October 9, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    My daughter goes to a private school in UK. when she turned 6, we agonized over her bday party, whether to feed the parents or not- as per naija now, parents have to be fed at parties….. but when we attended her classmates party ( classmates dad is a confirmed multimillionaire), and the parents had to PAY FOR TEA ( TEA O.. 60P TEA) at their child’s bday… biscuit sef, them no give us. thank God for macdonalds…. we branched there on our way home. after that day ehn….. hubby and i borrowed ourselves brain. oyinbo bday party no be here… scooter as party pack kor, generator set ni. LOL

  92. Duchess of Richardson

    October 9, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    @Natu’s friend, Hahahahahaha!!!! God bless u my dear! They can’t even spell “Negro”…lwkmd!!!! so much for “international schools”…Please, madam-international-school, impress us first by getting your spellings and simple grammar on point!!!! I might just have to find out why my parents didn’t send me to one of those “international schools”.lmsao!!!

  93. Miana

    October 12, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    God bless you for this write up Ari! Very timely and very apt. Parents of nowadays suffer from “peer pressure”, in the bid to conform and “belong”! What more children??!! A gentle reminder to parents, ” Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”.. As for the schools, i wont even say a lot there- where do i start from… Primary responsibility of raising a child still belongs to the parents.. Those who have ears, let them hear.

  94. AMAKRIYE

    October 12, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Pls between Chinese and french,which language should my children be tutored in?They are versed in Igbo,hausa and english.

  95. concerned9ja

    October 13, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    Coming to the party a bit late…great article by the way and some really good comments
    And to answer the question of the tongue in cheek…what ever happened to those with so called strict upbringing??..well most of that generation went abroad…what you now have is the money miss roads misbehaving….thinking money can buy what they lack in their own upbringing….think the proper term is over compensating!!

  96. Anon

    October 19, 2015 at 12:06 am

    I attended an international school where there was this unwritten ‘golden’ rule that you never wear same outfit more than once to social events. I took particular delight in flouting this rule and guess what? – the sky didn’t fall. It really is a matter of upbringing and values. I would love to have these spoilt kids over for one of my children ‘s birthday parties and send them home with only sweets and ‘pofu-pofu’ ?. Let’s see the policeman ? that will come and catch me. Ha! Ha!

  97. Giza7th

    November 19, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    This article indeed breaks my heart. But its about time we discussed the ills in our society and indeed, everyone has a role to play:

    1. The parents of the child who are to instill discipline and raise children with good values and morals,
    2. the schools who are to discourage the public show of wealth and focus on educating the children
    3. The society who should stop celebrating the display of riches, lifestyles and general flamboyance et al.

    We call collectively make a difference BUT it starts from one individual willing to make the change.

  98. Okey Igweamaka

    November 22, 2016 at 10:27 am

    I have always opposed people who say that the government is the problem of our nation. I have seen so much in our education system to know that the family and the education system played a major part in the current state of our nation. I will never forget the woman who brought her son to a school around Ikeja to write a Common Entrance exam and was offering tips to one of the teachers to help her son pass the exam. I couldn’t help but weep that day. How about what happened at the center where i wrote my GCE – Teachers openly aiding students in exchange for money or can we deny that our high school lecturers do not only lecture for 10 minutes and use the remaining 50 minutes of their period for their own personal propaganda (that’s even if they make the class at all). For the nation to do well, The homes, schools and religious bodies have a very important role to play. Let’s hope for a good future for our kids, especially the “well brought-up” ones. God be with us.

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