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William Ifeanyi Moore: Hello Relationship! Goodbye Telephone Privacy

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Is there a point where it is okay for the other half to possess all passwords with unrestricted access to our electronic life? At first glance, some may say a married couple share everything and that includes passwords…and yes, your phone too. After all if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear. Another group would cite the right to individual privacy – arguing that our electronic life is more than just our actions, but also to a degree, our fantasies, which can be likened to a virtual mapping of our mind. If you may indulge me and contemplate the year 3000 where communication is now transmitted directly from one mind to the other. With this technology, technically speaking we would be able to share each other’s mind. Will you be okay sharing your mind with your spouse? After all, if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear, right?

The line between relationship and individual territory can be thin and blurry with different people willing to compromise varied degrees of their individuality for companionship. At what point is it okay for a partner to touch the other’s phone? I’m not even talking about touching it to have a sniff around, I mean just to even play Candy Crush. A week? A month? Six months? A year? After marriage? When they die? In heaven? Never? No one can really say.

But before we get lost in regulating privacy, we need to have a discussion of why we even need it in the first place. Thanks to bad parenting, media influence, societal and cultural values, and a million and two other factors I cannot be bothered to name, the modern day human mind has never been closer to the brink of insanity trying to create the illusion of our ideal image to be perceived as our actual image. This of course is often far from our realistic image. Just think of Bill Clinton getting that blow job and how the world was up in arms like he was the first man to get head in an office. If the same story leaked about Donald Trump, we wouldn’t have perceived it in the same light because the image Mr Trump parades has much room for such behavior. The same cannot be said about Bill Clinton.

In other words, privacy is just our right to the secret which we use to portray ourselves, as we would like the world to see us. Statistically speaking 47% of the population with body parts fetishes have a foot fetish, but people would sooner go to jail than tell you they like to suck toes. {Or maybe not! Check out the post on BellaNaija last week about all sorts of fetishes} As my friend put it, everyone will tell you they watch porn, but no one will let you go through their browsing history.

Perhaps our right to privacy is a social contract we have all agreed to because we aren’t easily capable of unconditional acceptance of each other. The fact that we would be worried about our other half constantly being able to read our minds is evidence that we do need to keep things from each other, even if only thoughts. Until we master the all accepting love often attributed to the God of our universe, the need for a degree of privacy will not go away.

I cannot tell you where the line starts or stops with privacy. To be honest, it is something I am still pondering myself. But it is important to know that as much as we shouldn’t let paranoia drive us to distrust, we also shouldn’t take advantage of our partner’s respect for our space to run wild.

P.S Do you have an online or phone privacy story to share? Or perhaps some words of wisdom regarding privacy? Please don’t be scared of the comment section 🙂

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Wavebreakmedia Ltd

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

13 Comments

  1. Nife Conga

    November 10, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Nife Conga

  2. Niola

    November 10, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    ‘ ‘and the man and woman were naked and they were not ashamed’. Well FOR ME , passwords to phones and all other electronic devices is subsumed other the definition of nakedness in a man /woman’s relationship……….. In summary: We both have each other’s password, and it is not to snoop though it is to blur lines of distrust

  3. olekanma

    November 10, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    Mehn! Nothing to hide from boo o! He can see anything he wants to. Beht I do enjoy and take my privacy with every other person serious.
    My phone is very personal and except I give you the permission to go through some parts of my phone you berra not try it.

  4. oyoyo

    November 10, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Whatever it is you wanna sniff out of my phone/facebook, u will find. Gbam

  5. Swizzey

    November 10, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    “the last romantic text msg from that forbidden fruit”, “a sleazy-steamy late night txt msg from your colleague in your office”, “a pic of you and your ex in a very compromising position”, “an audio msg from your ex telling you how bad he/she wants to f*&k you”, “a Whatsapp chat with your neighbor’s brother whom you have been flirting with”.” All those long phone calls that you can’t answer in front of Le boo”..And lets not forget the porn, OH ma goodness! the porn that you regularly watch while alone in your bed, masturbating to, meanwhile your boo has no idea you have stored the porn in a folder aptly called “Stock market outlook” …the list goes on and on.
    WHY ?…Why do we keep all these things in our phones, why do we encourage it”?, why do we store all these things when we know that if our boos stumble upon it, they will be hurt, shocked, embarrassed, or go mental.
    If two people love each other, and they have the best of intentions for themselves, then why shouldn’t they know each other’s passwords?..Cos if you are finicky about your phone with your boo, then you are DEFINITELY HIDING SOMETHING…People may go on and on about phone privacy, and that the other person doesn’t want to hurt you if you see the contraband. If its contraband. DELETE!..SIMPLE!..and don’t encourage it. Furthermore if this is someone you love and care about, whats so private that you can’t share it with him or her?
    That’s my own two cents cos my last ex gf never used to allow me touch her phone,and even if she wanted to show me some pictures, she would make sure I didn’t pass a certain point.. I should have been wiser, but we live and learn..Peace guys.

  6. Lady

    November 10, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    I don’t have my hubby’s password.he said he is faithful I said okay.But he would never want me to go out alone.

  7. Blondie

    November 10, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I’m usually not bothered about what others have in their phones but if u choose to check mine, then let’s swap. The guilty one will most times will be the one pointing accusing fingers at the other.. when it comes to relationships, I really don’t have a problem with u using my phone , but are u clean??? It’s just recently I started using passwords for my phones & the simple reason is so that if it’s stolen I’ll be sure that it will be flashed for all data to be deleted first before the new prsn can gain access. That way nobody can have access to my info. I’ve been in a relationship where the other person had all my passwords & changed them at will. But, dude wasn’t even clean. We broke up & I promised never to do that with any other person.Truth is, I will leave anything delicate in my phone cos my mind always goes to “what of it gets stolen or misplaced?” I delete things that could cause me trouble. You may not be cheating but there’s that at the corner who might be crazy & texting crazy in obsession. It’s not ur fault but it could get u into trouble… delete stuff.

  8. Blondie

    November 10, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    *will never leave anything delicate…. *what if..
    *but there’s that guy at the corner…
    ..forgive my typos.

  9. Rayva

    November 10, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    If you have a password, you have something to hide…………………Gods Truth. @ William Moore, glad to see your write up on BN……………Smiles

  10. Gwen

    November 10, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    You snoop, you find. Simple!

  11. Ebere

    November 10, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    I have a password which I don’t really mind my husband knowing its mostly for my sister(she can crash any phone from playing games) and also so people don’t gain access to my phone without my knowledge.. we go through each others phone anyway we like it. sometimes I have possession of his phone for a long time at other times he has mine. we even chat together- like baby who are you talking to he peeps in to my phone or i peep into his. 3 Sundays ago we were in church and during the announcement I decided to browse with his phone for a bit since it was the most handy, I typed into the search page and all manner of porn pages sprang up. i looked at him expecting an explanation of course because i know he doesn’t watch porn. He then said you are the last person i wanted to see that and went on to explain. apparently he had given some one his phone to do a quick browsing and the dude used it to watch loads of porn. my husband found out and had a big fight with the guy in question, he had also deleted them from his browsing history but hadn’t deleted them from recent activities. i quickly deleted it and didn’t say anything about it. I have his phone most times anyway so seeing something unusual it wasn’t hard for me to believe his innocence. days later he told me he thought i would push it after all thing like that are always hard to explain and even harder to convince one of one’s innocence. i just smiled and said even if u will watch porn which u don’t even do no be this phone u go use. u know say na me and u get am.

  12. Kween

    November 10, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    The issue of privacy is an issue that the both parties involved have to resolve, One may be okay with his/her partner having password on his/her gadgets but another person may not be. but for me i dont have password on my device so why should my partner have? and i have the mindset that if he has password he is hiding something from me. i believe if anyone desires PRIVACY then he/she should not be in a RELATIONSHIP. PERIOD!!!

  13. nnenna

    November 10, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    Lol.. If Boo-boo wanted privacy he shouldn’t have given me the phone password because I’ll most likely snoop. Mine is open too. Omo if anyone needs privacy that badly they can stay single. Hiding just brings thoughts of “what ifs” and “what nots”

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