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Yetunde Olasiyan: 3 Things Single Women Do Not Deserve

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I had asked my neighbour who recently had her second kid why she hasn’t bought a car to ease the stress of commuting to work with her baby strapped to her back everyday and she responded by saying, ‘she’s grateful to God that she’s married and does not have a car yet. That marriage was her top priority and not a car. That she would have gotten one if she wanted, only that she might not be married today as a result of that. That she’s better off than the single matured ladies in her office who are busy riding fancy cars and yet, have no home to call their own. Then, she asks me ‘what is their joy in life asides the car?’

Days after, I heard the sound of pain that came from her lips as her husband pounded her and beat the daylight out of her just few days after she put to bed. She packed her bags the next day and wanted to leave until their pastor intervened.

She got married to the man after she discovered she was pregnant for him. She cried bitterly because she never loved him. Yet, she’s still in this marriage and opens her mouth to abuse happily single ladies who are living their dreams.

A single woman in Nigeria is constantly under pressure at every point of her life until the day she says ‘I do’. The world has a template by which she must live her life. Society holds the rule on how she’s supposed to behave, what she’s supposed to have achieved at a certain age and to cap it all, when she’s supposed to get married. People throw all sort of dirt at her, mock her at any slight achievement or award she garners if her name isn’t tied to a man. If this is the case, she hasn’t achieved anything in life. All her achievement is zero without a man.

Her female colleagues who obviously envy her single status, who have made a mistake in their own choice and want her to quickly join the league also mock her to no avail at the workplace. Because, if your marriage is really good and you got married to the man of your dreams, you don’t announce it to the whole world using a loud speaker. No. And you don’t engage in silly gossips mocking others. No. The evidences would be there for all to see. It would be easy to deduce. The soft glow in your eyes when he calls you up at the office, the glint in your eyes when he picks you up from work, the pride in your gait when he escort you to the salon and the way he looks at you in public would speak volumes about your relationship. Therefore, you need not brag to your friends before they know it. They would really see for themselves and tease you about it.

However, to those in the second league who aren’t so happily married, they are usually the ones forming groups at work and taking a snipe at other young pretty ladies who are doing well for themselves. Those ladies’ sins would even be greater if they live in Apo, Maitama, Ikoyi, Banana Island etc and drive a very fancy car. They would regularly be the centre of gist, envy, mockery and scorn. Pray, when will women stop wounding women?

Can’t one be single and live a fulfilled life? Is a woman’s success in life tied to the fact that she must achieve her dreams only under a man’s roof or that her greatness is tied to his name? Even when such men are undeserving of them. How did we get to this point? How did the subject of marriage become so important over every other thing in life including making heaven? Why can’t a lady drive a fancy car without being asked if a ‘maga’ bought it for her? Why must she continue to live under her parent’s roof even when she has the means to get an apartment? Why is it that the question everyone asks is ‘when are we coming to eat rice?’- that’s one of the most incredulous words I have ever heard in my twenty something years of innocent existence on planet earth.

Hmmmm, being a successful female in Nigeria without being married is not an easy matter. Even if you aren’t popular like Linda Ikeji, what of those neighbors who mock behind your back because you changed your car?

Are you a highly successful career minded beautiful spinster in town? Here are the things you do not deserve:

1) You do not deserve to settle for less in a relationship for the fear of being alone. Perhaps family and friends are telling you to lower your standards and marry ‘any’ son of Adam that comes your way due to the fear that you won’t meet any man in a long time? It’s all hogwash. Great things usually happen just at the edge of giving up. Your own dude is nearer than you think. Just when you think it’s over, something new is definitely coming your way. Wait!

2)You do not deserve a guy who constantly cheats on you while you are dating. Yet, apologises and still goes back to his vomit. Trust me Babe, you don’t deserve him one bit.

3)You do not deserve to be treated with scorn or looked down upon because of your single state. Being single isn’t a sin neither is it a permanent phase of life. Hear this, there is no early or late marriage. Only God determines the appropriate time for an individual. So, if you married in your twenties, that’s not an early marriage. No, you only married at the appropriate timing for your life. And if you married in your late thirties, it isn’t late as well. I don’t know of anywhere that God himself distinguished a marriage as being late or early. Stop the stereotype!

Dear readers, what do you think?

Photo Credit: Racorn | Dreamstime.com

M.Sc International Affairs&Diplomacy, ABU, Zaria|| B.Tech Environmental Biology, LAUTECH, Ogbomoso|| 1st Prize Winner, SouthWest Nigeria-CLO Essay Competition on Child Labour in Nigeria|| 5th Prize Winner, Nigeria Deposit Insurance Corporation Essay Competition|| Certificate of Participation, World Bank Essay Competition|| Author of A Gift of Dreams|| [email protected]|| Former Content Editor, woman.ng|| Ghostwriter, Editor, Profile Writer|| Facebook.com/Ola Nike|| instagram.com/Olanike Olasiyan|| For writing enquires email [email protected]

110 Comments

  1. missappleberry

    November 7, 2015 at 11:52 am

    Biko nu, i am tired of all these cliche articles. Marriage this, marriage that, single this, single that, feminist this and that….hiss!

    • Amaka

      November 8, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      The mind is a battle field. I will advise you to stay stronger than whoever is insulting you about what you don’t have. The reason is this: You can’t always change the way people view you but something can change in your life that can make those who somewhat dishonored you start to honour you. It’s like the case of Hannah, Joseph and Mordecai. It’s also like being looked down upon because of the color of the skin. Laws have been made to erase this issue but what can you do about the hearts of some people who have still not changed. Will you agree that there some people in this world that people will find hard to insult because of their achievement and successes even though they are colored. When your government needs you as a colored person it becomes hard to insult you. In the case of a single woman, please don’t focus on that insult or pressure. Set goals and targets on how to overcome . Don’t be overwhelmed by what people are saying so much that you rehearse it a number of times in your closet and get depressed. When someone says’ When are we coming to chop rice’ Tell them very soon and you will even chop more and carry take away. When I did not have children and people who did not really know me asked after them. I will say that they are fine. That was my way of confessing what I wanted. It does not matter what name you are being called right now. But your reaction will matter. When the person who is insulted you observes that you are too thick to handle, he or she will give up. I used to be sensitive but now I guard my heart with all diligence. My heart is precious and I won’t give you the power to mess it up. Know what you are telling your God and trust Him to change your name and story instead of focusing on the negative.

  2. tolulope

    November 7, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Like ur writeup! Kudus!

  3. femfem

    November 7, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Hmm let me tell you I am married and I actually envy single woman. They still have a chance to get it right. Possibilities are endless for them. That is what I tell any single woman i come across, marriage is not all that. There is nothing there! . Most times it makes you sadder rather than happier. Most times the love evaporates when you have kids.

    My husband would never dream of raising his hand to me like that woman. He is just uncaring and selfish. I would never pretend or look down on a single woman no matter her age. I’m no better than her!

    • Anon

      November 7, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      Your marriage is a sad one. Please do not use your experience as a yard stick for all marriages and quit advising single women. Find time and work on your relationship. Marriage just like every relationship is hard work. I’nvest in yours and work hard.

    • femfem

      November 7, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      You simply do not understand what I am saying! . I am advising them to calm down on feeling bad about not being married! That is why I envy them cos the possibilities are endless for them. They can meet a person that fits them perfectly IF they do not get all despondent and desperate thinking they are missing out on something . Live your best life NOW. Don’t sit waiting for someone to complete you.

      I truly had to go all out cos my younger sister told me she sits and cries cos she’s not in a relationship. I had to sit her down and talk to her seriously and she feels lots better and she is pursuing stuff that she is passionate about. When you are living the best life you can , the best person for you will turn up before you even know it.

    • Anne

      November 8, 2015 at 12:18 am

      @Femfem. Ok. You think you made a mistake from the foundation. You married the wrong person, that’s what I got from what you said. There is hope in Jesus. Remember the fact that whether they settle down now or later, they will have their own share of hurdles to cross. Some people still don’t understand that every institution in life has principles that must be mastered. Do you know that Pastor Mrs Adeboye picked out a day in a week to fast and pray for her husband? Surprising right? since God is always speaking to him why should she? Do you know that some women nag, disrespect their husbands and say bad stuff about them all the time forgetting that their words have power. Is that not why our parents called us child with good head instead of the other when we do wrong? Do you know that some women are so selfish and self centered that they have turned an angel to a monster? The man was an angel but they changed him. Do you know there are women who compare their husbands to his mates in front of him on a derogatory manner? Do you know there are women who snatched who they married from another woman? If that woman is a daughter in Zion whose heart pleases God that marriage will surely be hell. I can’t exhaust my examples on this medium and before some women get me wrong. Yes there are men who are just evil but have you checked yourself lately if your husband is always wrong. (Those are not directed at Femfem o just stating cases). For those who think it is hell for most married women go and ask Tara Durotoye who is married to Fela, an entrepreneur, manages about 150 employees and 3 children.She works hard at her marriage though she operates a busy schedule. You need to stand on Biblical principles if you want the author of marriage to perfect yours. You can also talk to Mrs Alakija the 3rd richest African in the world. Check her out on YouTube. In fact the respect that woman has for her husband is A plus. Some 21st century women will probably fight her. Yet she is very rich, has 4 boys and a grand daughter. Finally she honors her husband crazily. In her own case, her husband is not as religious as she is but guess what ?her attitude and character has made such huge impact on him.Some people earn 500,000 naira per month yet we will not rest again because they are 21st century. Better go learn from Mrs Alakija. If you can’t meet with her face to face, read her book on marriage . She gave some out in an American church. The wisdom of God is usually foolish to man. Yes some men are bad but nothing is impossible without God. Start from yourself. Ask questions like God what should I do in this case.

    • Ngozi

      November 7, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      I am happily married and loving it. I don’t put single people under pressure but will not lie about being married and loving it. Jesus is the centre of our marriage. I have more as a married woman than when I was single. Two are better than one. Be true to yourself. When you look at the mirror what do you see. Tell yourself the truth. Do you really want to be married or just want to encourage yourself by bashing married people. Marriage is a beautiful institution and I have gained a lot from it but I don’t force myself on those who are not married. I am only concerned for people who choose to be honest with their issues whether marriage or financial. People who truly want to be married and are honest with it, people who don’t go about insulting married people and seeing only bad marriages. I lived with my aunty before I got married. Her husband was a hard worker who loved the children so much and took good care of them. Sometimes he cooked for us and gave us treats. I enjoyed receiving gifts from him more than my own aunty. He bought us quality things. In fact I just gave the jacket he bought to charity this year. When I lived with them and was single they did not put me under pressure but introduced me to men they knew. They tried their best for me, bought me a laptop and enjoyed seeing me move forward. Therefore not every married woman is miserable. I like being true to myself in life. If I am not happy with something I go to God in prayer, if I have to cry I do but I don’t bash those who have it because it does not change my situation. When I was single, I went into long prayer and fasting, then I got revelation about the right person. I look at my own situation and judge for myself but won’t put someone else under pressure. I am not ashamed to say that I was not happy being single and yes I did something about it under God. Will I insult a single person ?No. Will I even insult anyone’s situation married or not?No because the Bible is strongly against insulting people whether they are single, married, poor, rich, have special needs, waiting mothers e.t.c

    • Netizen

      November 7, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      The writer was talking about people looking down on single ladies which is quite common but the likes of you have found a way to make it about you. The married ones have found a way to play victims from this article…..issorite. We are watching you in 3D. And before you call me old & bitter, just know I’m only 20 so I’m not in a hurry.

    • Tumi

      November 7, 2015 at 8:39 pm

      Well. Single people are also turning around and bashing people who have marital challenges. What will you do when things turn around for them, like the case of my uncle who was promiscuous. Gbam, one day he said he had received Christ. Gbam he is now a pastor and his wife and children are enjoying him. His own case was a real turn around 360 degrees. Here is my point. You must know your God and stay strong. If you are not so fine or handsome people will put you under pressure, if you don’t have not gotten a job yet, people will put you under pressure, if you don’t attend some schools, people will put you under pressure, if you are fat, they will, if you are too skinny, they will. If you are a tall girl, some will If you are a short man, some will and so on and so forth. Therefore stay focused and not distracted, be sure about what God has called you to do on earth and don’t apologize for them. Stay true to yourself. If you don’t like something don’t say you like it. Angels move on earth.

    • femfem

      November 7, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      I am happy for you that you are happy with your marriage. Lots of people aren’t. I am simply telling them not to feel all sad and desperate and settle for someone not quite right for them and end up unhappy in their marriage.Simples!

    • Bisi

      November 8, 2015 at 3:24 am

      Preach!!!!!!!!

    • Ngozi

      November 8, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      @Femfem I also want people to know that even if they do not settle for less and marry a great man
      They cannot be complacent. They will have to put in hard work in both marriage and career. If you want to solve a person’s problem why not show the person how to do it right instead of saying that things are bad so the person can continue to remain the same even though she wants to move forward. I visited a relative in College last week and was alarmed at the state of her room. This came to my mind: I really hope she gets married to an understanding man. If I had a brother who spoke bad English, I will brush him up, yes because that can put a potential lady off. The only thing that encouraged me about my relative is fact that she is still very young and had a number of years to work on it. Tell single people the truth even if they marry an Obama, they must work hard or else the marriage will still break. I am therefore not referring to those who will settle for less because they are desperate. I am talking about those who will settle for great. When you see Obama praising his wife, you should know that that lady is doing some hard work at home also. Therefore encourage people by telling them the truth and showing them how they can be different. It is like asking someone not to go to the US to study medicine because life in the US is not a bed of roses. Proffer a solution by showing her a wide spectrum. Those who are suffering, making bad decisions and those who are doing very well even though they had to cross hurdles.Even if you get thibgs right, you will have challenges abd hurdle to cross. There is a devil out on the loose. Therefore ask yourself how to overcome. You cannot solve her problem by telling her to remain in that state since everyone is suffering which is not true unless she does not have plans to go to the US. I am not here to insult anyone whether married or single but I must speak the truth as it is. If you want something be honest about it. If you don’t want it stay true to yourself. Eg if you truly desire a Mercedes Benz why bash those who have it as if they all stole or overstretched. You know that is not true. Why not just pray for yours, work hard, trust God and receive rest. Gossiping about your neighbour who spends money to maintain his or her Benz will not help you get one if you want it.If you don’t want it forget about it but don’t let the situation of those who have it rough encourage you to stay where you don’t want to. Look for those who have it right and ask questions. Above all, talk to God the only wise King. Maybe all you even need to change is a mentality you have accommodated since you were little. Basically I have issues with those who pray for something in their closet yet bash those who have it. Please I am not talking to those who love being single andchose to be that way. I refuse to lie about my own situation. I enjoyed it but after a while, I stopped enjoying it and had to be true to myself. God helped me. I chose to be honest with Him like the case of the woman by the well who told Jesus she had no husband and He said, you have said the truth.

    • Leslie Ademola

      December 18, 2015 at 9:52 am

      Ngozi Thank you for the comment. If I must tell you a lot of single women and men usually wishing they are married, they would not have find things difficult. It shows they appreciate marriage, my dear we should not deceive ourselves marriage is an honorary institution. But what can make any marriage successful is practicing God’s principles and learning daily the methods that keep it alive. I wish the best in your marriage. God bless you.

  4. Oyechristy

    November 7, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    I think you are a terrific writer…and that this article is the bomb…..you did justice while relaying your point..and you made so much sense…the pressure for marriage is indeed real!!!…even mums now push their daughters into marriage..

  5. onyx

    November 7, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Oh dear! Another single vs married article. Ladies give it a rest. There are no guarantees in life. If u want, marry. If u nor want, stay single. There’s more to life than relationship stories abeg. It seems that’s all women want to talk about ( please forgive my generalization) but that’s just how I feel.

    • i no send

      November 7, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      @ onyx.. my feelings exactly..i also believe some of these “stories “are cooked up to elicit comments..im so tired of relationship articles about married vs single women and men

    • abigail

      November 7, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      Onyx your comment actually summarises the article. Just thought I’d point that out.

    • Idomagirl

      November 8, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      Me dear I agree. Person don tire.

  6. Odididi

    November 7, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    I feel people are different. Some people have “career” at the top of their scale of preference, and others have marriage. Some other people just decide to go with the wind and take in which ever comes first. Everyone should learn to understand other people’s choices. I’m sorry to say but its mostly married women that diss young ladies, who have things going on for them. Especially the women that married quiet early. Everyones destiny isn’t the same, but everyone should be aiming to head on to one place, which is heaven. Married or unmarried I don’t see how this solves the issue of my salvation Biko. When it is actually bad is when the single ladies do loads of horrible things like sleeping around and living ayarayara lifestyle. Even at that, all man to his business. Married women should focus on building their marriage and praying for their man and children.

    • Tomike

      November 7, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Hmnn, may God smile on all of us. Omotola Jalade Ekeinde got married young and is still married. I like the fact that her children look like her sisters. Hmnn that is my own opinion. She has an acting career and still married early. Career does not deter.

  7. Mz Socially Awkward....

    November 7, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    BN, enough already. It is really is enough with this same theme and I know we don’t have to read every post on this site but even you have to admit the monotony has become really obvious to your readers.

    No one is better than the other, whether it be the woman who aspires to get married as a priority or the one who decides to pursue a different path as her own priority. And in any case they are not mutually exclusive goals, we can’t keep stereotyping single women as one thing and married women as another.

    The writer talks of pressure on the single woman without even considering the wealth of pressure that a married woman faces from Nigerian society as well (“when will you have children?”, “why must you have a career if your husband is taking care of you?”, “why haven’t you had a son yet?”, “why are you talking of leaving your husband just because he cheats?” etc, etc.). Please, this pressure is on ALL women in society, full-stop. We can’t keep encouraging this divide between married and single women and expect conditions to get better for the next generation of women we will be raising.

    We don’t see the men being pitted against each other like this, bachelors vs the married ones. I beg you guys, let’s stop this drive towards encouraging single women to become increasingly self-defensive. We can be single and HAPPY. We can equally be married and HAPPY. It’s simply a personal choice and the most important thing to do for ourselves is to gain the confidence to live our BEST LIVES according to which of these paths we’ve chosen. Wetin go even give person mind to look down on you or put you down when dem see say you no dey even look dem face, because the thing wey full your mind big pass dem? Success and FEMALE COMMUNITY is the only response needed for society, ladies.

    BN, ejo, let’s preach more of that. Messages on this other issue haff do.

    • Babym

      November 7, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      Standing Ovation!!! You have just echoed my thoughts accurately!!!

    • Tola

      November 7, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      @Mz Socially Awkward, we love YOU! Oh yes, I mean WE (me, my sister and my mum. That’s almost everybody in my house) Maybe it’s the intelligent, humorous comments you make, maybe it’s the matter-of-fact way you make your comments, maybe it’s just the way your comments read as if we’ve been friends since the beginning of time and we’re sitting down to lunch, gisting and doing gbegborun, I’m not sure, but WE love you. We’re not stalkers o, so have no fear. But remember that you’ve got some true fans. Believe it! Xoxo

    • ATL's finest

      November 8, 2015 at 1:07 am

      @ Ms Socially Awkward U are d BEST! Pls chop more knuckles.. Preach on Sis- I am ATL’s finest & I APPROVE your comment/msg.. It’s so freaking sad that it got to a point u can’t even express yourself on the marriage issue. When u say u ve got other priorities, they think is a damm LIE oh bcuz this, because that.. It’s FREEDOM of LIVING shekina

    • Aleesha

      November 8, 2015 at 10:59 am

      A trillion gbosas for this comment!
      Women, support each other. We already have hurdles that society and nature ( try finishing your thesis and battling hyperemesis gravidarum at the same time) have placed on our paths to greatness. Let’s not make things harder with this married vs single debate.

    • Babym

      November 9, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Ewoooo Hyperemesis no b small thing ooo, pele my sistehhh! Had it during my pregnancy it was hellish i had to take 4 months off work, so for u having it and doing ur thesis chai, u r a strong woman. God will bless u. I wish u all the best with ur thesis and beautiful baby on the way

    • larz

      November 8, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Well done for this dear. I appreciate what you are trying to say but perhaps we can look at it another way.

      I believe Mz Socially Awkward that there is a market for everything. Unfortunately, BN is only suplying the demand of the majority. Majority of their most read and commented on articles area about rships. If BN shuts down its more topical women/ rship stories, another blog will arise and most of their readers here will move on there.

      There is a reason they cant pit men against each other. Most men dont sit around and bitch about each other. Women do. Most times (I sed most not ALL), women (old and young) sit around and judge each other. Single friends complain about married ppl doing yanga instead of understanding the dynamics of the change in the life of their friends. Married women try to FIX the prb of their frns or even gossip about it.

      My husband’s bestie did not come visit us for the first 6 months after we got married. After, I gave him some grief for fashying is. He sed, he promised himself to leave newly married couple for a few months to get settled together in marriage. This same friend,I overheard talking in a grp men’s chat about how he told himself that before my hubby met me, he promised himself that even if he needs to humble himself. He must make sure he has a good enuf rship with his close friends’ spouse and his brother’s spouse. Becus the last thing he wants is for his friends and brother to have to play referree for the rest of their lifes. Life is too short. One of their friends is single, (the rest are married. And aside for a few banter here and there, they accept him. Most times, he is the only single guy at a grp event but it doesn’t affect the dynamic of their rship. And he accepts the limitation of his friends married status. No partying on Fri/ Sat night with them. I am not saying this scenario here is representative of all men on earth but even when you have men with contrasting view, they dont make an art of it. Set up a committee like a lot of women do.

      Ask yourself this question. How often do you PROACTIVELY choose to honour your frn in the best way for them? How often do you adjust your life around to make them fit? Let us assume you do that. Look around you and your girlfriends and female family members, what proportion of women do this?

      So instead of attacking BN, lets deal with the root cause. Lets stop this nonsense of taking sides. The next time, you friend/ sister/ cousin/ mum etc starts a bitching episodes, shut dem down. Overtime, this will loose its appeal. And overtime, the quantity of readership and comments on these type of articles will dwindle and just maybe supply will be turned off (or down)

    • sultana

      November 9, 2015 at 12:21 am

      God bless you MSA! You are too right!
      :monotony, true
      :article, lame
      : pressure on women, real
      I’ve been married for about a year and the pressure is real. Sometimes, I wonder if women pray for children because they want them or to stop the talk from society.
      I work with tons of single gals but it’s a live and let live scenario. Who Am I To Pressure anybody About marriage? Have I finished solving my life issues that I wee now carry another person’s issue on top my head like gala, NBA!

  8. Tai Omo yoruba nimi

    November 7, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Thank you for this article ,it’s about time Nigerians ,in fact people stop putting pressure on single ladies. This is an issue that needs to be addressed but unfortunately it’s here to stay but me I wont allow any myopic thinking,alai nise people dictate how I should live my life . As if the people that are married have a perfect life shioor

  9. Enough abeg!

    November 7, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    I am tired of all this single vs married lady talk walahi. Since I moved back to Nigeria that’s one of the biggest talk here. Are we really that bored with our days that we constantly stigmatized unmarried ladies? I have been married for over five years and there days I wish I wasn’t. No, my husband is a great everything but marriage is HARD WORK. Even HARDER if you desire a good marriage. Conscious, consistent and meticulous day to day efforts with small room for errors. Until you master it and it becomes part of you. People that have been married over 20 years are still trying to master it. It is that difficult. Everything you found hard when unmarried is doubled when married and trippled if married with children. You should be happily unmarried achieving and furthering your career, enlarging your source of income and working on yourself. That way, when you eventually marry, your burden will be lessened. The fact you are single or unmarried is not a coincidence. Maybe God (or the universe for those who are yet to believe in a higher being) has given you this time to prepare and reduce the baggage you might carry into the marriage. That’s how I have come to view the time I was single. That’s what I wish I focused my time on when I was single. Being unmarried most time is like having extra time given to you to finish up an exam, the exam of a better YOU. Please do not feel bad you are unmarried and stop surrounding yourself with people who do. It is unhealthy.

    P. S: let us all try to stop using that word SINGLE as I believe it contributes to the stigma. A person is unmarried, not single. I feel using single in describing a person just gives up the feeling that the person is meant to be double. Just wrong.

    • Seun

      November 7, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      You are right. I am engaged. But I have started having cold feet.

  10. teekay

    November 7, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    God bless you for this post! U couldn’t ve said it any better..honestly I just finished school and serving but all I hear from all this my parent friend “where is the bobo”.. at times it gets to me but then again i remember that God’s timing is the perfect one and then then shake it off! So many married unhappy people everywhere.. I keep reminding myself that I want to be successful in every aspect of my life and marriage is inclusive!! I keep putting it in my prayer point!!!
    Thank you for this write up once again

  11. Tee

    November 7, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    looooooooooooooooooool @ the writer’s prizes . Please wassup with all that ?

    • Niyoola

      November 7, 2015 at 5:08 pm

      Those are prizes she has won for her writing. Why do you feel the need to make fun of her and put her down? Because it’s not Caine Prize, Commonwealth Prize, Etisalat Prize etc.
      We should never despise the days of humble and small beginnings.

  12. Tri

    November 7, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    It’s a constant I face everyday especially at work. Every time a colleague or friend is getting or gets married, the automatic question directed to me is ‘so, when are you getting married?’. I very much want to respond with ‘how is that your effing business?’ but I respond with a polite ‘soon’ to discourage further discussion.
    It’s tiring and pretty intrusive and so predictable. I do want to get married, but I refuse to do so just because every other female peer is doing so. I just want to be happy, comfortable in my skin and proud of myself. I’ve got so many things I want to achieve in life with or without a man in my life and I won’t comprise that to settle for any less than I deserve, I’ve earned that right to be happy.
    And to all those social miscreants, arrogant and obnoxious punks I turned down who smirk because i’m not married yet, you’ll know if you don’t know already why you didn’t make the cut when I get married to the one God fashioned just for me.

    • Anon

      November 7, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Oh I learnt something, just look at the person, smile and ask “why do you want to know?” Keep smiling while looking at the person eyeball to eyeball.

  13. HHH

    November 7, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    An amazing piece!

  14. kim kim

    November 7, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I love u. Kai. I am with u 100%. Ur neighbor is a troubled woman. Let her continue to receive beatings. Being single is not a sin. I am single and i am proud of it

  15. Titilope

    November 7, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Must the neighbors husband beat her. I know ladies should not be desperate about marriage.. but not every rushed marriage results in domestic violence. Every example of someone that rushed into marriage is the husband beating her.. if u want marriage by all means be patient.

  16. anonymous

    November 7, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    Mamma has always earned more than dada for the greater part of my life. She’s a high-ranking officer in her place of work yet e no dey show for body. Some years ago she advised me to pray to marry someone richer than me, I really didn’t get what she meant then but now that I’m older it is beginning to make sense. Let me share the funny dynamics of my family. If dada and mamma want to embark on a family project, mamma goes to the bank to withdraw, pays into joint account or dada’s account. Dada withdraws the money and pays. To everyone else, dada is the breadwinner. If she doesn’t do that, dada go vex. When I was in school, I always called mamma when it was time for allowy. She go ask me why I dey call am, shey I no get father? She go talk say she go tell dada to send my allowy. For my end of the phone, I go yimu (like I don’t know better). What makes matters worse is that dada is always making terrible investments with mammas money. Hence, the family is just stuck. Family friends and colleagues that started from the bottom together are up there, we still dey here. The thing dey pain me ehn but what can I say? I be only pikin and at least I dey chop. Make I give another example, if mamma should buy land for strategic location and dada should buy for non-strategic location, rationally when family dey crisis shebi na da one wey dada buy we suppose sell. Mbanu, dada go stamp foot say mamma must sell her own. I swear the thing don tire me. The whole family is tired but dada is the head of the house na, wife must submit. Irrespective of all, I still love my dad sha so please no insults. He has his good sides. I just needed to rant *sigh, walks away*

    • Natu

      November 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      You dada is insecure!!!!! Why would anyone downplay there success to please a man? Third world issues.

    • Natu

      November 7, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Their

    • Goddess

      November 8, 2015 at 4:45 am

      Ego wahala. And pride. I wish it weren’t so. Maybe if he could ask for, listen to and accept good advice sometimes… And it seems to me that saying dada doesn’t like mamma’s success would be a bit of an understatement.

    • Truth Teller

      November 8, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      Third world issues indeed @Natu. I can’t deal with the insecurity of some men.

    • Rrrrrrr

      November 13, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      She said no insults!

  17. Zee

    November 7, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    I think you made up that story. Lol. I do not deny that such situations exist. just feel you made up that story.
    Secondly I think this single women gist is overflogged and we are silently victimising them . we should change the conversation by first of all stop classifying women as single or married. I am not suggesting to sweep the dirt under the carpet, just change the conversation .
    It is ok to be single. It’s ok to be married. Do not stay in an abusive relationship. However you choose to your life, it is just ok. Do not debase others whose lives are different from yours.

  18. Ross

    November 7, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    May the Lord bless you. I am so inspired and impressed with the articulation of your points.
    I say it ALL THE TIME. Happy people automatically assume other people are happy. Single or married. It is my friends who are married to cheaters and men who generally don’t love them (obvious to us all) who are permanently asking ‘wont you settle down’. They want me to join in their misery, so I can be in their boat, but God has said NO.
    I will wait for the right man to find me and if he doesn’t, well then I will continue to impact lives positively, for this is my true calling as a woman. To enable whatever field and environment I find myself in. Everything else is jarah!

  19. karis

    November 7, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    this topic can never be overemphasised. been married doesn’t mean you deserve a medallion. and been single doesn’t mean you’re a cast away. all these are phases of life. nobody has the right to determine how when who what. The choice solely belongs to the individual. am married with two children and in two and a half years. meanwhile I have friends who got married before me but have no kids. life is s blessing and we shouldn’t mock others just because their own blessing is yet to come. we all have different destinies.

  20. Christy Sam

    November 7, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Yetunde, thank you for sharing your encouraging and inspiring thoughts.
    Marriage is a good thing. “It’s honorable”, God ordained marriage. “Two are better than one”. God is the only one that can make it work to His glory. Any marriage whose maker and builder is God will not fail… Whether married or single, we all need the grace and mercy of God to succeed in all areas of life,including marriage.Whatever we’re or have is by the grace and mercy of God.
    “I WILL HAVE MERCY ON WHOM I HAVE MERCY, AND I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON
    WHOM I HAVE COMPASSION. So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the
    man who runs, but on God who has mercy.” (Romans.9:15-16).
    Let the single ladies live their lives happily to God’s glory, and He will honor them in due time.It’s better to wait and get God’s best fit life partner than hurrying to end up in conflicts and regrets later with the wrong person..
    Some singles may decide not to marry in order to fulfill God’s purpose for their lives. They’re not wrong if they’re led to do so, and those who decide to marry are not wrong too.
    I suggest we take time to read God’s word(the Bible), to get the marriage truth and live by it..
    Each person has a role to play in building a successful marriage or single life under God.

    • Adaeze Writes

      November 9, 2015 at 12:58 pm

      A thousand likes to your comment @Christy Sam

  21. Fatyma

    November 7, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Finally…. This is becoming a trend where people speak up about it. As if just being a woman isn’t hard enough already. Thank you for your post.

  22. Tina

    November 7, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Just like there are miserable married women likewise there miserable single women wishing to be married. What I hate is this trend I see on this blog and others, bashing and undermining the institution of marriage to make single women feel good.

    If you want to encourage single women, why insult and insinuate that marriage is not all that. It’s always stories about women not happy in marriages and the successful happy single women. There are women who are succeful and happily married ( myself as example) and broke jobless single women who cannot afford cars.
    All I’m saying is that there are ways to uplift and encourage people ( single or married) without resulting to petty bashing.

    • Nkechi

      November 7, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      Tina. God bless you for that comment. The marriage institution orchestrated by God is not miserable. It is beautiful and I am happily married. I will never look down or insult single people because everyone has challenges. Do you now that teenagers who don’t have pressure issues over marriage have challenges?Do you know that baby who is gasping for life at Intensive Care Unit is being challenged also. Do you know that not everyone who is married or unmarried is happy or sad. Be real to yourself and trust God. We will appear before him as separate individuals. Don’t lie to yourself. Forget pressure. Do you want to be single or married, then take it to God and stay consistent in prayer. You don’t need to be encouraged by bad marriages because if you keep looking at life and encouraging yourself by other peoples’ mystery you may never get what you want. Why should you see the one whose husband is beating, what about the one whose husband is not beating and why not be the one whose husband is not beating. I am sorry, but I see good Christian marriages around me but will not put pressure on a single person. I pray for my single friends just like I pray for my friends who want babies. Single people should not look down on that woman battling domestic violence. Married people, don’t look down on that single girl waiting to get married. Finish.

    • Cindy

      November 7, 2015 at 4:45 pm

      Most people like running away from the truth……..most unmarried ladies DT re advanced in age re miserable cos even with all u ve acquired u still ve that desire to settle down and ve a family……. Nobody has a perfect marriage….even if u wait until u re 50 to get married u ll still go thru d high and low of marriage…..and most of dem end up dating married men n causing unease in another lady’s home………my advice while u re building or career pipe low so u can still meet someone to settle down with……

    • Elle

      November 8, 2015 at 6:18 am

      @ Cindy Lol…the nerve! How do you know that single women who are ‘advanced’ in age (what does that even mean?!) are usually miserable? Have you walked in their shoes o happily married woman? I echo a prior sentiment that happy people never assume other people are unhappy. It’s a coping mechanism for when your own life sucks.
      I know a lot of married people who seem to have great marriages and a ton of mature single women who wouldn’t touch a married woman with a ten ft pole….scratch that, I can’t think of any single lady I know personally who’s interested in married men. So please enough with your generalizations and change your circle of friends.

    • Ada

      November 7, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      Gbam! You nailed it. People be bashing marriage as if being single is complete heaven and being married is complete hell!
      Yes there are bad marriages but there are also miserable single people. Neither state is perfect! Just make the best of whatever state you fins yourself and stop blabbing feel – good rubbish on blogs.
      Ndi single and proud ma ndi married and proud. I nukwa!

  23. biola

    November 7, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    well said,very opinionated as well. ALL yon need to stay focus as a single lady.

  24. Sigho

    November 7, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Nice write-up. The Bible says God will make a way where there seems to be no way. I am in my late 50s and I believe without any iota of doubt that marriage is still possible if God wills it.

    • Oluwa Chukwudi

      November 7, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      A new thing will happen in your life soonest. That man for you, will find you

    • ATL's finest

      November 8, 2015 at 1:12 am

      @ Sigho AMENNNNn

    • Kumbi

      November 8, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Amen.

  25. cindy

    November 7, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    This ur article would ve been complete if u had mentioned d category of men dis so called “single girls” date cos most of dis ladies that re matured bt not married go after married men………..and as a lady u might ve every material thing u want BT u ll still crave for a man and a family of ur own so while building ur career also learn to accommodate cos nobody is perfect and no marriage is perfect either

    • lacey

      November 8, 2015 at 4:15 am

      Cindy you must be very silly and foolish! How did you know and what statistics do you have to back your hypothesis! Is it not you young girls in Nigeria that date married men! You will see 24year old lady with a fiancé dating a married man! Even some of the married ladies in Nigeria are even more promiscuous in their matrimonial. homes than single ladies especially those marketers in the banks then that would go and sleep in hotels with their male customers! Nigerian women are generally loose! You people should keep debating and not go and fulfil your destinies! Its the women in Nigeria that have made Nigeria men so full of themselves! Because you ladies will do anything to be Mrs!Juju/anything! Please you all should get do something with your life,do you see men bashing themselves over women! That was how Linda Ikeji was writing long story of how girls sleep with men to collect 200k which is the price of her shoe! A woman married in her husband’s 3 bedroom rented apartment is happy that she is under a man’s roof! So women carry yourself single or married! Pray carefully and choose the right person and stop ranting about single or married. as we are all God’s children! I am happily single in my late 30s enjoying my life!

  26. Miss Pee

    November 7, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    #Gbam #EnoughSaid!

  27. Jane

    November 7, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    Wow I feel so blessed by this article. It’s really what I need to hear as a woman. I don’t know why being ambitious is seen as such a bad thing for women in our society. Marriage is important but it should not be the sole definition of one’s self worth as a woman. I am worth more. I want my happiness to first come from inside and no one would be able to take it away from me. Then, I will be able to love better and I will not settle for less because I love and have value for myself

  28. ToBeReal

    November 7, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    @Tina…that’s right on a site that prmarily promotes and showcases weddings baffles me o!!..actually got the inspiration for our Aso-ebi from BellaNaija.
    Why is is that only marriages are being shown up as having abusive spouses…
    Bet if a survey was taken those with Boyfriends probably get the most abuse…the only difference being their get out of jail card of not being married…but for unhappy married folks there’s also divorce!!
    This is akin to what’s happening in the Western world where being seen as straight has become a crime…they have more regard for Gays..Bisexuals and Transgenders and see the flipside…only foreigners seem to be having kids and there’s a danger of them being the majority in the future…and upholding the aging Western population!
    There needs to be some balance….

  29. Is it your back?

    November 7, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    Dear writer, what makes how your neighbour decides to carry her children to work your business? Your asking her about getting a car is very similar to asking a single lady when she will get married. Let people allow others live their lives at their own pace and stop subjecting people to undue pressure. I am sure she is very aware that cars exist and that owning one will make her life easier.

    Generally people need to learn to live and let live biko.

  30. chichi

    November 7, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    I agree with the writer. It’s a very annoying habit, if you are really happy with your life and engaged with things that bring you joy. There won’t be time to worry about other people’s lives. And the truth is that people who are unhappy rather than try to solve their problems would instead project them to others, it makes them feel better. And to the single ladies out there will always be a comment, that you are too choosy, you lived a bad life, you are driving a flashy car. I really don’t think you should put your self down, refuse a good job and trek on the streets to get a husband. If he is a real man then he should be proud to have you as a wife. As long as you are not in over your head because of you achievements. I got married at the age of 32 and my parents were never on my neck about it, I mean was I going to kill myself because I wa still single. And now hubby is pushing me to get more done in m career cos he doesn’t think what I am doing now is enough. Lovely write up yetunde.

  31. Oluwa Chukwudi

    November 7, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    My question is, why is it that it is the dysfunctional marriage which are few by the way that people (especially our vocal female writers) highlight to buttress their subjective points. Why is nobody writing about the marriages that have stood the test and still waxing strong and living up. Why is nobody interested in the preponderant good yet place emphasis on the wrong. Why do you good women of obodo Nigeria find consolation in the wrong, the negative, in the exception rather than understand that every marriage or life circumstance is unique to the people involved. For every one marriage that has developed K-leg, there are many out there worthy of saying something good about. Abeg it have do ojare. If you are single, single well and if you are married please stay marrying well. (Jerry Gana nor vex)

    • Cindy

      November 7, 2015 at 4:34 pm

      @oluwachukeudi I don’t know where you live in o but from my own experiences, most marriages are dysfunctional, my parents’ included. Yes, they stand the test of time but is that the only purpose of marriage? Most people are not happy in their marriages but try to live with the little fulfillment they get from it, men included. Because till tomorrow I fail to understand why a happily married man with decide to cheat on or abuse his wife and kids. People are speaking up about this issue now please don’t try to shut them up.

    • Ada

      November 7, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      That is from your own experiences. I have seen good ones and will choose marriage again and again. I know a girl who though educated abroad didn’t get a job. She had personal issues herself and depended on her family connection. Nothing worked. After marriage her husband helped her get closer to God, she started listen to Christian word tapes and music, her husband was this person that believed that God could do anything for him as long as it is in the word. This same girl battled inferiority complex, meanwhile her husband can have a proper conversation with the Queen of England. Fast forward now, the girl is a managing director of a thriving business, drives nice cars. The family is the envy of the town o. I have seen good ones around please.

    • Anon

      November 7, 2015 at 9:25 pm

      Cindy – anecdotal evidence. Is it because your parents marriage is dysfunctional that you think “most” marriages are dysfunctional? Maybe you come from a line where marriages are dysfunctional. Don’t taint everyone’s marriage with the dysfunctional mindset.

    • The real dee

      November 8, 2015 at 7:05 am

      You become what you are surrounded by if you don’t commit to change the circumstances surrounding you. For you most marriages you have seen are bad including your parents. Does that mean yours should? Does that mean the institution of marriage should be a plague?
      My dear, most people I know have a beautiful marriage and a home worth envying, I know they’ve had their not so rosy moments in marriage and they worked it out. When I was single, I closed my eyes to all the bad marriages and focused on the good ones, I surrounded myself with happily married people and prayed for such joy in my home. I prayed that God give me a man after His own heart. And I can beat my chest to the glory of God and say I am joyfully married to the best man in my world and my home is blossoming beautifully.

      Being single is not a reason to bash marriages and being married happily or otherwise is not a reason to bash unmarried people. Shikena!

    • Cindy

      November 7, 2015 at 4:59 pm

      @Oluwa Chukwudi……..they re only trying to console themselves like all married are not enjoying marriage……..abeg like u said if u re single… Single well and let d married ones endure or enjoy der marriage….life is all about choice

  32. Broken record

    November 7, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    The married vs single article is really beginning to sound like a broken record. Let’s all (including the writers) give it a rest, Hian! Some buttress their point and all I can deduce is them trying to advocate for single /unmarried status, that’s not fair to nature and ourselves, No matter how u lie to yourself you all need someone in your lives. If u ‘have decided to be unmarried/single that’s your opinion/choice allow those who want to be married & have a family. Even in your unmarried state, trust u get sad once in a while, marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness either but then ” Children” they are angels (he he he ). If you like run away from getting married because you fear to be hurt or heartbroken, it’s unavoidable , because your boss @ work & family can hurt you, your best friend can break your heart, failure can demoralise you, so what then? …Even aunty Chimamanda Adichie is married, she will come out & preach about feminism then go home to her husband and perform wife duties, all una single ladies dey form feminism, sieve out the truth from this whole drama. Oprah winfrey refused to get married but has a long time partner who services the veejayjay… Enjoy your singleness, don’t wallow in it, enjoy your marriage don’t talk or look down on those who are not.. Each to his own……..Abegi don’t get it twisted marriage is a beautiful thing created by the all knowing God.
    How can I not enjoy that…

    P.s Bellanaija u don’t post my comments, henhenheeen *holding ear” for u

    • Madame broken record

      November 8, 2015 at 1:42 am

      You ended up doing the very same thing you are blaming others for, didn’t you just write an epistle advocating for the married ones.
      Mind you some pple really do choose to live the single life so stop being silly by saying they are lying to themselves! Is it your SINGLE?!?

  33. Lizzy yins

    November 7, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Kudus girl,dis wat i tell every single lady i come across,a man is nt an achievement.go get married to a man bn a liability nd see wat awaits u.

  34. winnie

    November 7, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    I believe marriage is a scary reality.. The tot of spending the rest of ur life wif someone whose feelings cn change anytime is indeed scary.. I will jst say marriage is nt the key to hapiness. if u single, stay happy and u married find every reason to remain happy

  35. MC

    November 7, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    LOL @ “when are we coming to eat rice?”.
    If it’s not that, it’s “I want to tie gele” (as if the gele they have bering tying every weekend isn’t enough).
    I often wonder why the lady is pressurised with “when are you getting married?” ….surely it makes more sense to ask the men who will be doing the asking, no?

  36. Asake

    November 7, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Single versus married??? why

    Good write up, i feel the author could have used both good and bad marriage to buttress her point. I have seen married people who make me pray to God to have a wonderful family just because of how they relate with each other.

    The marriage thing can be draining. I guess it is the society we find ourselves in. Marriage is not about age or status but not everyone think like that

    A couple of weeks ago, an older cousin told my sister to tell me – he doesn’t want me to change my car again, he wants my invite. A “supposed “suitor sent me an sms recently – You keep going for people’s wedding, when are you going to call them to come celebrate with you, you are not getting younger ( i was blank)

    I walk on the corridor and people ask when am i getting married. when they eating rice, sometimes i give 1 year or 2 years date away, sometimes i tell them we are not ready but the biggest mistake i make over and over again is to respond with when i find him or when God provides – then the following advise is – stop being choosey, dont drive all the time, he doesnt have to earn as much as you do…

    Being single or being married is not a curse, depending on how you look at it, it is a blessing.

    My religion preaches marriage as half of my faith and strongly encourages it. Whether single or married, you deserve the very best in life, you deserve to enjoy and have fun in the situation or relationship you are with.

    As my mother always say – when the right one comes, you will surely settle down, but make sure you do not marry out of sympathy as marriage is a life time journey and the condition of your home will have an impact on your kids…

    To all the single girls, sometimes it is an harmless question – when are you getting married…

  37. Netizen

    November 7, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    BN please post all my comments. Ki naa lo de?

  38. Babe

    November 7, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    Don’t get it twisted marriage is a beautiful thing!!!!

  39. Fola

    November 7, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Marriage is beautiful& so it is with every single phase of life, we all need to enjoy the phase we are presently& be optimistic about the one to come. Never look down on anyone , except their shoes. For all single ladies out like me……………The best is yet to come?

  40. kim kim

    November 7, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    @Natu, Iam so with u. Why should her mother downplay her success to please an insecure man?? Na ..wa oo…. marriage is beautiful, but it is not the “be all” of life.

  41. Mama loves her girl!

    November 7, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Im in my late 20s but honest to God I have no atom of desire to get married! What my mum saw in the hands of my dad, I will die if I see just 1/100th of it in the hands of any man. Most of my aunties and uncles too and their spouses despised their marriages.I have a daughter(adopted). She’s the best thing life can give a human being. My family members don’t even bother me about marriage, only family friends et al. Marriage is a risk, a risk of which the odds are not in my favour. I have said no 3 times to rings. Not interested. Now I don’t even date. I’m just focused on raising my daughter. I might even adopt one or two more later on to give my daughter younger ones depending on my financial capabilities in future.

    Yes, I’ll admit I get lonely sometimes, especially when my daughter sleeps at 5 or 6pm. I sleep at 11 or 12pm, so that period can be eerily quiet and creepy and you just want to talk to someone and laugh and gossip. That someone doesn’t have to be a man in my case, any body would do. But most of my girlfriends are married and in their homes, so I can’t disturb them. I use that time to pray and meditate, plan for the next day and check in on one or two things though.I can never berate married people. I have never desired to be one so no need to be hateful. I have actually seen some almost perfect marriages. The couples have it good for them, you appreciate God for them. But I still believe it’s pure luck and maybe grace that some have good marriages.

    I may not have the holidays with hubby or date nights or joint account or valentine and birthday surprises, kids in matching outfits, late night gossip and laughter, mutual support and understanding etc. But one thing Im happy and certain I won’t have is the back breaking compromise, the emotional or physical abuse, the unruly in laws, the annoying family meetings to settle endless quarrels, the heartbreak caused by infidelity, the late nights praying away “strange women”, the STDs caused by infidelity, the endless squabble over finances, more children than I can afford, joint right over my body and I can go on and on. Like I stated, some people can cope with what I listed that I loved about not being married, while others can’t cope with what I can about being single. To each her own. I’m happy and that’s all that matters. My point is don’t say every single woman desires marriage or every married woman is miserable. It’s not true. Some people are genuinely happy and satisfied with their status.

    • bezen

      November 7, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      I wish I could like your comment a thousand times. The earlier we young ppl (male n female alike) start taking this relationship/marriage issue with a pinch of salt the better for us.

  42. A-b-b-y

    November 7, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    Nice article! very spot on! I guess the writer didn’t focus on the people in marriages cos that is the holy grail! Once you are married, your problems are automatically solved, everything comes to you on a platter of gold. Plus people project a picture perfect marriage and don’t want to be real about the trials they experience. The struggle and the stereotype associated with single women is real! I understand this first hand because I am currently going through this stage and I am fighting with every inch of my soul for what I want and not what everyone around me thinks is right. We need to do better as a society and quit the pressure or asking people questions. Focus on becoming a better you and help if you can and if you can’t help move on. Don’t look down on others like their situation is a stigma. Your situation isn’t perfect either. The fact that you have a house and family you spend time with everyday doesn’t make you any different from a single woman who is making things happen and growing. Stop it!

  43. cherish

    November 7, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    I love your life @mamaloveshergirl

  44. oye

    November 7, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Same old cliche article, obviously made up story. I mean, the writer, didn’t even try to disguise it to make it look real. And what’s her business if her neighbour buys or doesn’t buy a car? How’s it her concern? Seriously BN? What were you thinking?

  45. Africhic

    November 7, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    I will be 40 in a few months. Is it that people don’t care about me? I don’t get asked about being single. Maybe it’s my demeanour or something else about me, I want to get married but I am not desperate, No one can make me feel like a failure cos I’m single. I don’t even discuss it……

    • Kolade Bayo

      November 8, 2015 at 12:00 am

      Am based in the uk, a divorcee, 45. Can we mingle.

    • ATL's finest

      November 8, 2015 at 1:08 am

      @ Africhic.. Exactly, there’s nothing to discuss thank u jare! Sending an E- huge & a high 5 your way.

    • Kumbi

      November 8, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      That’s the right spirit and trust that you are working on yourself. I like your honesty. Yes you want to get married but not desperate. I have issues with those who want to get married in their heart but say something else with their lips. That will not solve the problem. It’s like a woman who wants children but tells those who truly care that she wants to enjoy her husband for 5yrs before the children start coming. I know you cannot open up to everyone but please be positive in your confession because your word has power. A colleague at work told me about infertility challenges. Since then, I have been crying out to God personally and praying for mercy. I really want her to be happy. I have carried her matter on my head o.

  46. Paul Babalola

    November 7, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    Miss writer, pls your write up if is an academic work will score a zero. There are lots of miserable single women, intact there are more miserable single women than happy single women likewise there are more miserable marriages than happy marriages. When you write, balance up your article or you provide evidence in form of studies to back your point. My parents have been married for 54 years, am 43, a man. I have never seen my Dad in about 35 years of my self consciousness heard my Dad shouting on my mum. My Dad has never kept late night , he dosent drink and callls my Mum different pet names. Don’t write rubbish articles to project marriage as one hell fire. Am married and I always pray for the grace to treat my wife as my Dad did. Why must you miserable single women console yourselves that every husband is a wife beater. Can’t you talk about good marriages and encourage this women to enter into Godly relationship. Don’t turn Nigerian society to the Black Americans in the USA where 70% of black women over 25 are single mums or unmarried. We can see d effect on the Black American society where the children are criminals,

  47. Damseldam1

    November 8, 2015 at 12:54 am

    This debate has been going on right from Genesis! There is more to life than marriage. Your purpose on earth is more that your relationship status. The time we have on earth is limited so make the best of it and be a remembrance of it. God timing is the best , he said he will perfect all that wait unto him. I when I was married (24) I was more sad than happy never achieve anything while married. Felt like a failure and now have achieved alot more now that I am single sometimes I feel I would have achieved so so much if I hadn’t gotten married. Wait on to God and you shall have best of it all . Let God led the man to you who will ensure you are the best of the best ?

  48. Goddess

    November 8, 2015 at 4:54 am

    Ego wahala. And pride. I wish it weren’t so. Maybe if he could ask for, listen to and accept good advice sometimes… And it seems to me that saying dada doesn’t like mamma’s success would be a bit of an understatement.

  49. CurvesAnd Edges

    November 8, 2015 at 5:52 am

    Haha, this is so ironic…. When you asked your neighbor when she would buy a car, that’s the same thing as someone asking a single woman when she’s going to get married or asking a married woman when she will have kids.

    If you are not super close to someone, don’t ask these sort of questions. How can you ask someone when she will buy a car? Do you know if she has money in her bank account? Her response was probably made from a defensive stand point. A single woman who has been praying for a life partner might respond similarly when she will get married.

    My point: let’s all be sensitive and think twice about asking people certain types of questions. You never know how your question might affect them. Oyinbo people have their issues but I respect them for that – they don’t ask nonsensical questions like we do.

  50. sacred fingers

    November 8, 2015 at 10:55 am

    I think a lot of people did not read the main article to understand the content well.T writter us not against early marriage.Its just that it not worth
    entrying into the wrong marriage because of societal preassure.I just want to advice ladies to
    look before they leap.What is ur motive of
    entering into the marriage?The same society
    putting preassure on u are the same pple that wil
    l gossip and mock u if u get it wrong.Love yourself as a single lady,be happy,enjoy lufe decently,work on youself to be a better woman and be prayerful.If marriage comes early,it is verry good.If not,be happy and put ut trust in God.The person that got married before you is not better than you.Your time will come.Better be late and get it wright.That does not mean that early marriage is not good.

  51. Vivi_thoughts

    November 8, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Nice article! But I think you need more articles catered to men.

  52. reeeee

    November 8, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Let us open our bibles to 1 corinthians 7:7 – it is good to be single so u can do the work of the lord (that is for the christians). Marriage should be considered only if u can no longer control yrself! Now what does that tell us??? I leave that for you all to decide…

  53. Jennelle

    November 8, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    This article is it! Not forgetting some of u can write as if Na Wole Soyinka book review. that about that sha

    Ok am applying for a scholarship abroad (2nd degree) and when I told Mum she was like “so u don’t want to move forward in life Abi???? U look alike all these girls that don’t want to marry” bla bla bla long story short, In all she was saying I Jst coded that if am not married whatever I do is nothing and useless…
    Biko no one needs a man to be successful and complete the blood of Jesus does that! Nigerians especially should quit this attitude and let single women be..
    Not like I don’t want to get married, am looking forward to it but meanwhile let me sip my Mojito in peace. *sips tea *

  54. Person

    November 9, 2015 at 2:48 am

    It’s interesting we are such a ‘religious’ country yet we do not understand some principles in the bible. I speak as a Christian. If we’ve read out bibles well enough, we would know that Paul spoke about the gift of singleness. He said he wishes that we all were like him but that each of has out gift from God. Some of us will have the gift of singleness and some of us not.. so let all the bashing stop. Also marriage is hard and tough, it was never promised to be a bed of roses. it is a means of sanctification and making us more like Christ. Your partner reveal to you the sin in your heart that you may fail to see and you do the same to them. Through that God is glorified. Your husband/wife is just a sinner like you. Pray for grace to have a Christ glorifying marriage

    • excuse me lee!

      November 9, 2015 at 9:40 am

      Haa Sister Person!.. ‘your partner reveals the sin in your heart’….really? how? I know we are free to air our opinions but let’s not say things that are twisted and distorted. How on earth can another mortal like you reveal the sin in your heart? And what do you mean by gift of singleness? I haff hear another one.
      While you tell us what Paul said, remember God also said, It is not good for man to be alone.
      Marriage has its own purpose. God ordained it.
      Singlehood is blissful too. That is the period God prepares you. None is better than the other. They are phases of life.

    • larz

      November 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      When you are single and alone, you can pick and choose who you let into your life. People around you only gets a glimpse of your weakness but it is not totally in their face. When you are married to someone and you live with them, it is like a mirror is held to you face. Not just a mirror, a magnifying glance. If you are lucky, you will end up with a spouse who is also your partner and will work with you in becoming a better you. Obviously, what is meant to be a blessing can also be a curse. If all you see in yr spouse is what needs fixing, it can destroy their self esteem, make them defensive and ultimately damage yr rship.

    • Person

      November 11, 2015 at 3:55 am

      Yes, another mere mortal reveals the sin in your heart. Has a friend ever told you, “oh that thing you did, looks like you were being proud” then you went back thought of it and agreed? I do not ask you to agree with me, read the bible and see what it says about singleness and marriage. Yes marriage is ordained by God and it is sanctifying but so is singleness. The person who never gets marriage, are they in the phase all their lives? I am not saying we should not desire for marriage but that shouldn’t be placed higher than our desire for Christ. All I am saying is we should embrace both singleness and marriage. Some are single temporarily on earth. But all believers will be married in the new earth and heaven. You can read the following articles if you please

      boundless.org/adulthood/2014/on-the-gift-of-singleness

      crosswalk.com/family/singles/he-said-she-said/do-i-have-the-gift-of-singleness.html

      gotquestions.org/gift-of-celibacy.html

  55. ferrari

    November 9, 2015 at 9:58 am

    i think you missed her point…

  56. Dee

    November 9, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    The importance of words.
    The funny thing to me is that 90% of the people who remark on “when are we coming to eat rice?” etc, don’t think about you and your single-status till the next time they see you. Yet, every time someone says it, you go home and think about it for so long, and before you know it, the pressure is on!
    chai- i am learning to be more careful about what I say to people- even in jest- cos you never know what will put pressure on someone else

  57. Anon

    November 9, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    The pressure of marriage is indeed real. My friend’s told her to get married and she does not care how she does it. I do not know when this pressure on single ladies will end cos it seems like it is getting worse cos mothers have joined in.

  58. Gift

    November 10, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Am in my late twenties, unmarried. I would love to meet and marry my soulmate but am not desperate. That being said, being unmarried is not a bad thing, its a time for you to know, love and date yourself before you can share yourself with someone else. Marriage is good as God instituted it, however, it’s not the ultimate destination. Leaving a purposeful life and having a positive impact on people is what is important, married or unmarried. While waiting to be found, (in the case of women) work on yourself and trust God. My two cents!

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