#BN2015Epilogues: It Was Hard But Awesome & Frances is Simply Grateful

Happy new year to all our readers! As promised, we are continuing the 2015 Epilogues due to the volume of responses we got. We’d like to thank every one who sent an entry, and if you sent your story before the 15th of December 2015, you will see it published on BellaNaija.

If you’re reading this and wondering, ‘What on earth is the series about?’ please catch up HERE.

Every entry in this series has been refreshingly inspiring and Frances’ story is no different. We encourage you to read it.

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At the beginning of 2015 when I tagged the year as my year of #WalkingInPurpose, I had no idea of the things God would require of me, for me to walk in purpose indeed.
I only knew that my earnest desire was to walk in God’s purpose for my life and that every other thing that wasn’t in His will for me would be discarded by me.
I knew that walking in purpose would take absolute surrender from me, but that surrender was hard when God required me to share my story and release the past so I could walk in the now and in the future He has ordained for me.

I remember crying as I typed the story of my past sexual addictions – how I was wrapped in masturbation and pornography for 8 years running… He wanted me to share it on my blog series “Chastity for men” and then in the book that arose from the series too.

But that wasn’t as painful as the final thing about my past life that He wanted me to share…
He wanted me to share the fact that I took a life… two lives when I was in the world.

I remember crying and wetting my journal with tears in the month of June 2015 as God asked me to share the story of the abortions I committed before I came to Him.

And then He not only asked me to share it on the blog, He opened up a door for me to minister at a conference where my topic was “Frances’ testimony”… The sister who invited me actually said “come and inspire us”.
And that was when I knew God was serious about this “going all out” with me.
He had previously told me when I didn’t even want to go to the conference that I was to share my story… and then this lady who knew nothing about what God had said to me was coming up with the same thing…

It was hard.
Thoughts of “what will people say” trailed me.
Thoughts of “what will my parents say” trailed me.
And the worse…
Thoughts of “who will marry me” after this public announcement plagued me.
But through all that, I had decided to #WalkInPurpose and this was the path of purpose He was leading me through in Him…
A path where He had to peel off the past, lay them bare, ensure that there was no link holding me back to the past and then finally, release me to walk in purpose freely in Him… in this place where I am right now.

2015 has been a year filled with a lot of things… chief of all has been God blowing my mind all because of one decision I made… a decision to go wherever He asks me to go, to do whatever He asks me to do, to be Jesus’ hands and feet…
I had no idea when 2015 began that I would be an author of two books, have a book launch done and then have people being transformed by my story – the story of God’s amazing grace in my life.
I had no idea that a simple #12TripChallenge I started would grow into a mini ladies group which has the potential to birth ladies filled of and with God.
I had no idea that obedience would lead to God just using little me as an instrument of His light and truly, what I am at the end of 2015 is #Grateful!

Some of us do not need things – jobs, houses, cars, etc, to be done in our lives to prove that Jesus is real, our own lives are witnesses of His amazing grace.
People who knew me in 2010/2011 can simply not recognize the lady that I am now.
Who could have foretold that the brokenness I was living in then was actually God’s foundation for His purposes for my life?
Who could have foretold that my living in emptiness was to be a foundation for the work I do in schools, my blog and ministry right now?
And what amazes me to the moon and back is God saying that He has just started with me.
I feel it so deeply in my spirit – this glory of God that’s shining through me has only just begun.
2016 shall see His light risen upon me even more brightly…
And over and over again, I will proclaim from my heart – “Lord use me for your purposes. Only your will is allowed in my life and if that will takes breaking me all the way down for your will be find expression in me, then I say yes. Over and over again, I say yes”.

This year I have seen God indeed keeping to His words which says that “we should despise not the days of little beginnings, He rejoices to see work begin”.

Someone I spoke to asked me, how many ladies are in your group?
I said we are 9 ladies in total and in jest he said “only 9?”
Again when I said “I hold seminars on purpose in secondary schools”… he said “only secondary schools sef?”
And then I also know, even in my eyes, both books I wrote seem like nothing… but oh, still, I am so grateful.
Only people who have been nothing will get what happens in your heart when God calls you – the nothing as His something.

When He says “your past is my design for my plans for your life”.
When He says “that mess you want to hide is your message”.
When He says “I will use you to change nations for good”.
Who am I that He is so mindful of me?
He calls me His own… a girl with blood on her hands…
And then He says “I have cleansed that blood off of your hands, the only thing that blood you shed is good for is that it led you to my blood which is the ultimate blood that’s needed…”
And then He goes on to paint such a beautiful ministry and message with the mess…
I have seen all this being done in my life this year 2015 and all I am is #grateful.
Grateful to be found worthy by God.
Grateful to be found worthy enough to be used for His purposes.

2015 has been an awesome year… I won’t lie about that.
It’s been awesome not in terms of money or material possessions but it’s been awesome because I found that living in His purposes and walking in it is the only thing that breathes life into me.
It’s been awesome because I found out that obedience, no matter how hard it maybe has amazing rewards at the other side of it.
And only in absolute surrender to God and His purposes for my life did I find myself.

And as 2015 rolls to an end, sincerely, all I am is grateful!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Scott Griessel