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Sandra Dairo: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

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A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was hanging out with a friend of mine. She and I lead so busy lives that it is almost impossible to get together. But on one of those cosmically fateful evening where she was available, and I was able to drop off my kiddos at their grammie’s, we decided to spend the evening catching up over a bottle of wine. (Cheesy, I know, but sometimes, I like to pretend I am Olivia Pope)

It was when we broached the topic of sex and all things sexual, that out of nowhere, she asked me, “So, do you have a strap-on?”

Yes, odd question, but it’s not what you think. I actually sell sex toys as a side business. This does not mean the question did not shock me, because it did, for two reasons.

One, she is happily engaged to be married, to a man, and the wedding is scheduled to take place in February. Two, she is one of the most, shall I say, ‘vanilla’ person I have ever met. We never actually go into details of each other’s sex life but based on her personality, I guessed I just assumed she will be the ‘turn off the lights, fluff the pillows, take off your clothes, missionary sex, kiss and goodnight’ kind of lover.

“Okay, I don’t mean to pry, (who was I kidding, I so was) but why do you need one?” I asked.

This was when she went into the details of how her man loves to be pegged (Google: pegging) and their sex life was mostly about her pegging him than the vanilla, missionary kind of sex I assumed she must enjoy. This led me to ask her how the heck that even began.

See, this couple is the most conservative kind – when you meet them. So, I wondered if their sex life was something they just happened to stumble upon, or if this was something one person was coercing the other to do.

My friend went on to tell me that they began this sex act about two months since they started being sexually intimate. They had both never done this before then. He broached the topic first and she was not a fan. A couple of weeks after the discussion, while they were in bed, pillow-talking, he showed her an adult video of the act on his phone. She admitted it looked really hot because the woman seemed to be having a good time being on the dominating end. She tried it once, twice and soon, they were both hooked.

It had me thinking: this couple found something really great that works for them because they are in a relationship where they are both comfortable speaking up about their sexual needs.

Do all couples really talk about their sexual needs these days? Like, have a frank discussion about their likes, fantasies, etc?

I once had a boyfriend who was pretty okay in bed, but he was so extremely terrible at stimulating the boobs. I kid you not, the way he grabbed on to them, you would think he was falling off a cliff and they were the only things saving his life. I never told him this in the 6-month duration of our relationship, because, honestly, I was not sure how to broach the topic without bruising his ego. I sometimes wondered, if I did end up married to him, would I ever have been able to tell him? I mean, would I just wake up 10 years into our marriage and just say, “Babe, you have been doing so and so wrong for the past decade?” His ego would have been bruised, battered, hit by a trailer, and discarded in a septic tank. I concluded that I would have most likely continued with the lie I told him then to get his mean paws off my boobs, “please don’t touch, they are really sensitive and I can’t handle all that pleasure at once.” (I rolled my eyes while typing that, like anyone will believe that you cannot handle too much pleasure.)

A woman once sent me a mail that she hates anal sex and it seemed to be all her husband wanted since she gave in once, about two years ago, and agreed to it. She lamented about how much pain she feels and how it is completely ruining their sex life. When I suggested that she spoke to her husband and explain her side of things, it was like I asked her to shoot herself. She vehemently told me that it was not an option. Adding that if she refuses, he might go out and get it from someone else. Personally, I would prefer a cheater than someone who assaulted my backdoor on the regular, but I digress.

Since she insisted that she was never talking to him about it. I was stumped, since that’s all the advice I got. Eventually, she left the conversation feeling dissatisfied.

So, why do we find it easier to have merge privates, but find it daunting to talk about the merging of said privates?

I eventually came to the conclusion that it might be because, growing up in Nigeria, a sexual conversation is almost seen as a taboo, especially when it comes to having the discussion with one’s parent or children.

I can, very vividly, remember the only ‘sex education’ I received from my parents. I was 13 and it was just after I had my first period. My dad and mum were sitting in the living room when they sent for me. If you grew up in an African household, maybe even most households, you know how it feels when both your parents call for you and solemnly ask you to sit. You start to rethink all your mischief and wonder if you’ve been made.

See my very ‘enlightening’ sex education lesson below.

Dad: I heard you got your period.

Me: (unintelligible mumble)

Mum: This means you are a woman now.

Dad: If a man climbs you, you will get pregnant.

Me: Okay (stands up slowly, and made to leave after a few seconds of waiting for any further declaration.)

Dad: Check if Ogbono still remains, then make Eba for me.

The End.

Suffice it to say, I was the most confused as I had ever been. Imagine telling someone your foot hurts and the person replies with, “If you drink garri, your brain will explode.” So, you kind of get confused I must have felt.

I mean, I had no clue what they were talking about. All I learned about sex, I learned outside my home. And when I started dating, I had no issues having sex, making sexual jokes or reading/watching adult material. But I get incredibly nervous and bashful if I actually have to sit with my partner and have a frank discussion about the act itself, I still do.

I have come to realize how important it is for couples to have a frequent sex talk. Even if you think you know what your partner likes, you might be surprised.

A 31-week pregnant woman recently mailed me, saying her husband decided he was suddenly into role-playing and bondage after seeing Fifty Shades of Grey. As we speak, the woman is petrified but she has some time, since she told him she will prefer to be that ‘adventurous’ after the baby gets here.

What I am saying is, it is important that you do not automatically assume you know how to knock each other’s sock off simply because you have been together for months/years. There is nothing wrong with checking in once in a while. Intimacy is the most important and cherished part of every relationship. This is why, when your partner steps out on you, you feel betrayed. You feel like someone took something beautiful you shared and went out to share with someone else. So, if it is so precious to you that you do not want to share, shouldn’t you put some effort into making it the best it can be between you two?

I learned to be a lot less shy when it comes to ‘the talk’ because I had to, for my writing career. But believe me, being this frank with others, and actually being frank with my partner are two different things. But I still try. And I really do hope you do, too.

Heck, our relationships, marriages, family and orgasms depend on it.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Bobby Flowers

Sandra Dairo is a creative writer and content creator. She finds humour in everything and believes life should not be taken so seriously. You can check out her adult-themed blog at thefiercelane.wordpress.com where she writes erotic stories, sex tips and more.

65 Comments

  1. Abena

    January 6, 2016 at 11:07 am

    See my very ‘enlightening’ sex education lesson below.

    Dad: I heard you got your period.

    Me: (unintelligible mumble)

    Mum: This means you are a woman now.

    Dad: If a man climbs you, you will get pregnant.

    Me: Okay (stands up slowly, and made to leave after a few seconds of waiting for any further declaration.)

    Dad: Check if Ogbono still remains, then make Eba for me.

    The End.- HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THIS IS THE TRUTH!!! Most of us can relate and your father asking you to make eba for him had me rolling in stitches

    • hadassah

      January 20, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      This was how I learnt about sex:
      My 13-year-old-male-cousin: (Telling His Friend), We learnt about Reproduction in Class today
      My-big-mouthed-6-year-old-self: ( I was eavesdropping and then stepped into their room) What is reproduction
      My 13-year-old-male-cousin: (Erhmmmm.. erhmmm”feeling shy”) . Reproduction is how people make babies
      My-big-mouthed-6-year-old-self: Wow! I want to learn that… Please teach me…

      He said No and I began to cry…

      Later, I reported him to my mummy that He didnt want to teach and show me what “reproduction” is…
      My mother was too stunned to talk at first…
      After she gave my 6-year-old self a semi-detailed talk on what sex is

      So when my mates in primary 5/JSS1 and JSS2 were crying that they would get pregnant if a boy/man touched them
      Me I was feeling like a G! (like someone that knew the truth) LOOOl

      But I give it to my mum…. For the 1980s and 1990s growing up in an African home, She was damn OPEN (in a smart and Montesorri way) about Sex and basically purberty problems
      All my friends were open with her… She isnt scared of answering the hardest or weirdest questions

      i hope i have half-the-mind to answer my daughter when she starts asking me the same questions….

      Sorry for the epistle

  2. Natu

    January 6, 2016 at 11:33 am

    Lol @ the sex talk. African parents please do better!!! We are sexual beings and sex is normal. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

  3. lou

    January 6, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Sooooo I just recently started dating a guy, we’v been talking for months as he’s not based here. With d way he talks sex on d fone, you wld think you wld get an orgasm just seeing him.
    So we finally had sex, and I cld hardly feel anything. I havnt had a lot of sexual partners so I was a bit confused, was d erection weak, is it me etc.
    My ex who I was with was xtremly good in d sack, with quite a large handle. But bcos we were together for a long time dats all I knew.
    Had sex with dis new guy again d 2nd time, even though he was adventurous etc I didn’t still feel dat impact. My reasoning now is I think he has a small handle, not minute small but not quite what im used to. I just kept thinking if I marry this guy will I become sexually frustrated ? or perhaps I will eventually get used to it. As they say sex isn’t food, I wld rather have a good man will little sexual enjoyment. That a good in a sack guy dat treats me like crap. I just hope d sex gets better.

    • ug

      January 6, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Even if he has a small handle, just find positions that work for you both. That way, everyone is satisfied.

    • damn!

      January 6, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      This is the main problem with being with more than one person sexually (there’s always a reference point) = Feels like Nkechi but not actually Ngozi. Bigger than Sade but mehn I remember Carol!

  4. @edDREAMZ

    January 6, 2016 at 11:48 am

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    “”the way he grabbed on to them, you would think he was falling off a cliff and they were the only things saving his life.”” very funny….. Is always gud to say ur mind if yu are not confortable with something nothing else……
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Bolu

      January 7, 2016 at 2:44 am

      Uncle, u are back! Welcome, hopefully u don’t leave us scratching our head with your entertaining comment.

  5. Sensitive Observer

    January 6, 2016 at 11:49 am

    To digress, please I have a question. I need to know how much is too much sex? I feel like my man asking for sex everyday from me is too much. Please, people who are having sex, am I abnormal because I feel I should have sex every 2 days or maybe 3-4ce weekly? Sometimes I feel like I may be sexually starving my partner, but I also feel he has a high libido. Sex no de tire the guy at all. This does not mean I’m not crazy about him or sexually attracted to him. I just don’t like daily or frequent sex without taking a break. I need help and answers. How much sex do guys or girls think is ok?

    • Kelechi

      January 6, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Even four times in a week is a lot. Sex is better when hoarded and strained, otherwise it will start to feel like Porn. The build up to sex is actually more enticing than the real sex it self, and a proper sex build up might take up to 3 days. Let me tell you sth that happened a while ago in down town Colorado, there was this newly wed couple who basically leave next door , you can tell there were obvious into each other, as there wasn’t a day I wasn’t reminded of my singleness, by the indiscriminate sound emanating from their wall, as they perform the routine sexual act. I mean it seem like this couple have set aside a time scheduled for sexual act. As time goes on, their sexual act became perfunctory. I mean, it was as if it was recorded, the same sexual sound you here at one particular point in time today, was the same pre and post sound before and after respectively. ****You already know how this story ends******.

      The point is that sex ain’t meant to be mechanical but rather chemical, cos from chemical u get chemistry and what is sex without reaction (emotional build up). The best time to start the build up of sex if you are sexually active is immediately after sex. Otherwise there would be a situation.

    • nnenne

      January 6, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      To each their own. Do you!
      I still believe in abstinence, till marriage for both men and women. It is is stress free. Sex is more than just physical. It is emotional, and spiritual. Surprised? Old fashioned?
      Yeah, I agree but wouldn’t have it any other way.
      Good Morning, Bellanaijarians.

    • Krasavitsa

      January 6, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      You know….. Some of us are not in the best positions to answer this Q. Some people will think – wait till marriage, while some others may think “why are we counting? Isn’t sex supposed to be spontaneous?”. And some people (not me……clears throat) have been told they like sex too much. In the end, it depends on how horny you are as a person.

  6. MG

    January 6, 2016 at 11:52 am

    Lol your ‘sex education’ had me laughing so hard. I remember once when a senior friend from school called to say hi, all hell was let loose. My mum insulted the guy on the phone and started saying she knows I’ve been sleeping with guys at school and they would impregnate me. She was worried for no reason and said she was going to the school to complain. I was just laughing all through like, “Is this woman for real ??” I was only 12 then o and the friendship was totally platonic. Well, four years later, I started having sex, and I’ve been doing so for 3 years but putting up the good girl act which mummy wants to see and actually believes.

    Back to the matter, I’m always sexually open with whoever I’m with. I never mince words or keep quiet. I say what I want and check with my partner also.

    • You played yourself

      January 6, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      wow. kids these days, all i see is a mum trying to protect her child from evil, My darling in the words of DJ Khaled you played yourself!!!! take it easy you are not missing out on anything.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 6, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      No, I see a woman who held the door open for her daughter to start having sex without her knowledge and just like the writer of the article’s parents did. My mother was just as bad in the advice dept so I’m holding them all up to account.

      As @nnenne said above, I’ve come to appreciate abstinence as the path I’ve decided to choose but I’m really hoping and praying that when the time comes to explain to my daughters (or any young females mentees) about why I’d love for them to tow the same path, I won’t be too bashful to explore what they’ve discovered themselves about sex (because children are now exposed so much earlier about it than we were).

      It’s that ridiculous shyness and unhelpful harshness from parents that which is leading children outside their homes to find “proper” sex education.

    • a 19 yr old?

      January 7, 2016 at 8:32 am

      A 19 yr old?
      wow
      this is why i refrain from dropping comments at times cos i just can’t imagine the mentality of the comments i read

  7. onyinye

    January 6, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    honestly the ogbono part killed me, see how he switched subjects.

  8. nkechi

    January 6, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    lol @ Check if Ogbono still remains, then make Eba for me. like seriously??!!! lmao.

    My father barely said anything to me when I got my first period

    • Just Me.

      January 6, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      Lol.
      My father gave me fifty naira to “celebarate the coming of my womanhood”

      I, the rich and proud owner of fifty naira, bought sweets for my younger sibs, and saved the change.

  9. Akanke

    January 6, 2016 at 12:35 pm

    I started my period at age 9, my mum just told me if a man should touch u, u will get pregnant! Gave me money to buy pad,; I was out to buy the pad and our neighbour uncle Tee that jokes and calls me his baby saw me and called me… I started running and shouting! Got back home with the wrong pad sef, very heavy pad for a child. I hope i can do better with my kids. I was always scared of taking pad to school. A classmate saw it once in my locker and I denied it(I am so dumb).
    #okbye

  10. ednutey

    January 6, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    On a different topic….Personally,something i see as a ‘disadvantage’ to the female folk is our sexual position,as women i feel our position(considering missionary style,which some feel is the only ‘authorised’ style) – seeing it as a position that looks like ure opening up for a man to come in,to fill you,like ure vulnerable to him,u look up to him like a child looks up to his mother for fulfillment,makes us kinda more attached to a guy than the guys are to us after sex.

    But like the Headies 2016!!!(flipping the script),thanks to the various positions that wld make the woman either not see the face of her banger(permit my english…lol), or feel like she’s in charge at that time by riding him…

    Im just looking forward to the time when having sex with a guy can be done without the emotional attachment…not so because u want to just hop into any bed but because just incase it just so happens,one doesnt seat down n start missing someone who isnt missing you back….for this reason i think abstinence shld be encouraged

  11. nwa nna

    January 6, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Growing up in naija, my sex education came from uncles and friends mostly. Never had a conversation about puberty with parents, because African parents like to act like they don’t have sex but yet mom’s keep popping out babies like sey dem be virgin Mary 😀
    I find that when it comes to sex/ intimacy our African culture/upbringing becomes a hindrance because of how we’ve been made to view sex as a taboo/ sin that we can’t completely let go to enjoy it..
    When it comes to sex and trying out new stuff with a trusted partner you have to be open! This goes for both male & females, being open doesn’t mean you’ve to do everything but at least be willing to consider it!
    One thing I always say, whatever you’re unwilling to do with your partner sexually that they enjoy, sooner or later some else will..
    This is why you’ve to be brutally honest with yourself regarding what the deal breakers are for you sexually… As for me, can’t fvck with bae if she ain’t throwing it back at me to catch ;)… Mba nu

  12. nwa nna

    January 6, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    @kelechi, speak for yourself 😛

  13. prince

    January 6, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    I think its very important to be open to your partner, that way both of you will have a glorious sexual life. I’m very adventurous and want my partner to be. I don’t want to be in bed with a stick. do some crazy stuff, give me BJ like I’ve never had before and i’ll give you HEAD that you’ll forever remember.

  14. OMG

    January 6, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Just checked what pegging means online out of curiosity. What! cant deal. As much I enjoy or encourage good sex that is sure one creepy act. Is she sure her man is not G–. Am not judging Gay brodas , too many here in the UK and used to that . But if a guy is one or has such tendencies then he should come out plain jareh! and not so called pegging ☺️☺️.
    Because me thinks its only a matter of time before he seeks the real deal .

    • Natu

      January 6, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      @OMG Diffrent strokes for different folks. The male G spot is in the anus.

    • ElessarisElendil

      January 6, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      LMFAO you saw strap on and didn’t code. You know nothing OMG.

    • Hian

      January 10, 2016 at 5:03 pm

      Same here o, surprised it took these many comments to someone saying Omg!!!!

      Him, that brought sounds ehhhh

  15. booboo baby

    January 6, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Please can anyone share their experience as regards inter tribal marriage?. Especially Ibo/Yoruba. I rarely meet Ibo dudes. Everywhere I go, I keep meeting Yoruba men. I am beginning to give this a thought. Please no cussing.

    • booboo baby

      January 6, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      I am 28 going on 29.

    • Anon

      January 6, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      I did it. 15 years and still going. Nothing wrong with them. I never met Igbo guys too. Find a good one and one who has a similar background to yours. Both our parents are cool. There are bad eggs everywhere. My siblings and I married far away from Igboland. The nearest one is my brother-in-law who is from Asaba.

    • zarah baby loke loke

      January 6, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      Start goin 4 weddings where d bride, groom or both is igbo or better still find friends from d east with fine bros.
      Thank me later.
      This article is insightful but funny and shld b rated 18. I checked d meaning of pegging. Mehn I tot I knew everything.
      Loool Prince is funny oh.
      Bella Naija shld do belaji some comments deserve an emoji response.

    • gem

      January 6, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      love isn’t restricted to men of your tribe biko. I’m dating a Yoruba guy and nne it is wonderful. forget that Yoruba demon thing… there are good ones. Find a good guy you know you can be happy with. Don’t worry about the fact that he’s not Igbo. Mr Right mustn’t be Igbo

  16. e mi ni

    January 6, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    Your comment and this article is a perfect example of why it is important for God fearing African parents to educate and have an open discussion with their children on sex before marriage. Otherwise they run the risk of their children exposing themselves to the emotional, physical and spiritual harms and risks associated with having multiple sexual partners.
    I’m not old school, I’m a born again christian and obey what the scriptures say that sex should occur between one man and one woman in marriage. However, does that mean I believe sex should not be discussed? No. I think it is important to discuss it and also advise people why God’s way is the best way. Tooooooo many negative consequences associated to having multiple partners. It may be enjoyable in the moment, but it doesnt mean it’s good for you.

    • Krasavitsa

      January 6, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      There’s a lot of positive consequences to having more than one bang-mate in a life time. Think of it like this – you’ve tasted carrots, over and over again, but there’s sausage ( different types, very different types), there’s marrow, there’s cucumber. You get? All don’t taste the same. You want to make the best decision so you don’t end up buying a shrimp when you really just want a cucumber. 🙂

    • Southern

      January 7, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      Why do i find this comment verrryyyy dumb?!

  17. e mi ni

    January 6, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    The comments here on sex education received from parents is a good reason why God fearing parents should have a frank and open discussion with their children about sex. God created sex, it is pleasurable, to be enjoyed between one man and one woman in marriage. Ultimately everyone is responsible for the decisions they make, however, God fearing parents are accountable to their children to inform them of the risks and harms about having multiple sex partners. Whether people accept this as truth or not the reality is there are many negative consequences emotionally, physically and spiritually associated with multiple sex partners.
    And even if you’re not God fearing, would you feel comfortable letting your child learn about sex from strangers most of whom have no personal interest in your child’s wellbeing? if the answer is no, get over your fear and have an open discussion with them. Take it in stages depending on their age.

    BN please post my comment, I am not sure why you did not post the first one I made.

  18. Na Today

    January 6, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Really ! first time hearing that ooh .

  19. Cynical

    January 6, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Hmmmmmm……..this pegging business ain’t sitting right with me………like WTF????? See me running to open google and had to pick my jaw off the floor after a few minutes. If a man is into that stuff,no be to go find the real thing.????What won’t someone hear in the name of sex?????

  20. Blueberry

    January 6, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    LMAO Your dad left from banana to garri in a split second. Hilarious. Had the same experience with my mom though. But she took her time and explained everything to me as best she could. I was quite impressed when she even showed me how to use a condom. The rest, I learned in school and from my aunt. Lol.

    Had an ex who wanted anal sex too. I wasnt ready to even imagine it. Imagine how painful it is when u r constipated. How much more with his big willy willy doing to and fros in there. No thank you! There are prostitutes for that. I can give you the money sef to pay them for their services. Thank God he is history now. Imagine me walking like a duck cos my anus has been gbenshed beyond repairs.

    To conclude, u can talk about ur fantasies. But don’t do anything you wont feel comfortable with. It is your body afterall.

  21. Krasavitsa

    January 6, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    This article is too funny. The sex-ed part is epic! Yesterday, my friend asked how orgasms feel. I was stumped because the girl in question has way more partners than me. I’m like “how can you not know?”. She finally told me that she’s not feeling her new bf, it’s so bad she’s forgotten what orgasms feel like. I told her to discuss it with him and she said she’s shy. I couldn’t understand. Like how can you do nasty stuff with him, but you can’t talk about it? So, I described how indescribable the feeling is and told her to discuss it with him or stop doing him! Life’s too short abeg. There’s no point in having anorgasmic sex. Smh, d poor dude is somewhere now thinking he makes her ride waves.

    • hmm

      January 6, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      From all your comments on this post, I can see you are a PRO, lol

  22. Honeycrown

    January 6, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    I was also curious to confirm the meaning of “Pegging” although it was obvious from the post, I didn’t want to believe it sha.
    IMO, any guy that likes to be “pegged” or enjoy giving “anal” sex is a suspect! Me that I thought I was wise and I’ve heard it all. This is a good time to say, “end time tinz” Walking away confused …

  23. Laila

    January 6, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Pegging….???!!!!
    Lord! U guys need to see a Priest for confession. Ye have surely sinned cos I bet u, God is NOT amused!!!

    • Idomagirl

      January 7, 2016 at 11:34 am

      If they were doing it within the confines of their marriage would you still label it a sin?

    • C'est moi

      January 7, 2016 at 11:35 am

      God’s seen every kind of porn /sex/ love-making so nothing is amusing to him. He’s the biggest porn watcher ever! He even, in his ‘infinite power,’ idly watches while kids get abused…. but doesn’t intervene because he’s more concerned about safeguarding the freewill of the abuser than saving the victim. Remember that!

      Furthermore christians/creationists, believers of intelligent design – why would God create the male g-spot in the anus if it wasn’t meant to be stimulated by either sex?

  24. December Wind

    January 6, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    My point of concentration on the whole article is on pegging. ..After I’d done much research on it , even me wey like adventure , fear catch me .

    Some people believe that once they’re married anything goes. .. brethren there are some positions you’d try out as married couples and bring curse upon yourselves…

    Some people have turned themselves to demons all in the name of pleasure, chai! There is God oooo

    • Becca

      January 7, 2016 at 11:23 am

      @ December Wind
      If you don’t want to use a strap-on or find it too ‘fearful’, you can also finger the man’s bum to hit his g-spot (which is in the anus).

    • Idomagirl

      January 7, 2016 at 11:38 am

      Sorry but this makes no sense. If you’re talking from a religious perspective, if they’re already married what does it matter what position or technique they use?
      Where is it written that a married couple can bring a curse upon themselves if they do something that isn’t your usual vanilla sex? It’s not as if they’re involving others in the bedroom.

  25. jennietobbie

    January 6, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    Mehn, out of curiosity, I just googled pegging. My day is on PAUSE. What the freaking hell? All in the name of pleasure and orgasm? God forbid!!!!!!!!

  26. frannie-beautifulsoul

    January 6, 2016 at 9:31 pm

    Abstinence is way to go. Sex brings about so much ills from pregnancy scare, abortion, infertility in the future,emotional pains,feelings of being used and dumped, hanging on to what should have been severed, distrust, not to mention STDs. Even with condoms one is not safe. Abeg it’s not worth it jare. But then for those who must, communication is the backbone of great r/ships so yes fill ur partner in.

  27. Mee

    January 6, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    @december wind lollllllll!!!
    That is the funniest comment ever!

  28. bisisexy

    January 6, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    @ dantu u must b a guy,using a gals picture, how do u know dat a male g spot is in d anus?don’t normal guys come too by having women tru d veejays? am fed up of dis fake marriages,y marry a guy dat loves pegging? Will d guy satisfy her?it’s obvious d guy learnt pegging from another guy, but wants to marry to have kids,

    • Natu

      January 6, 2016 at 11:56 pm

      @bisisexy it’s called education. Read a book on the male anatomy.

    • Natu

      January 6, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      @bisisexy it is called education. Read a book on the male anatomy. Knowledge is power!!

  29. Tosin

    January 7, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    ogbono.
    nothing gets in the way of food 😀

  30. Beautyy

    January 8, 2016 at 7:04 am

    This is a bit off topic. However I would like your opinions, I and my husband had a huge quarrel days back where we both exchanged words and spoke nasty at each other. However, he went as far as calling me a whore. Nobody in this life has ever called me such a derogatory word before. I’m highly offended but I’m not hurt. He also went as far as saying that I don’t know how to have sex and that I’m terrible in bed. Im so pissed off that I have lost all interest in having sex with this man for now. This is a man that can barely stand me riding him because he can hardly last 6 mins. I have never reached orgasm with him yet I have always made it a point of duty to never let that distract me. I want to know if I am over reacting by staying away from him. What would you ladies have done and what do you all think of his actions towards me as I see this issue as something that will linger on for a while because I’m finding it hard to forgive him and I’m seriously thinking about constantly cheating on him now that he has called me a whore

    • your response

      January 12, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      I feel you and I have been there before. Not a very pleasant experience.
      My dear I cheated but it did not end well so if you can, don”t cheat except its in you.

      In my case i did not know how to CHEAT so i messed it up. from guilty feelings to managing it and it boomeranged. As much as possible don’t he may come around he may not BUT don”t expect any magic. one day you will be in a good place to discuss this with wisdom.

      In the mean time get busy and heal yourself first, how to resolve things at home will come to you naturally and once you follow your innermost decisions, you will be fine. That is the way to go.

      by the way, my hubby used to tell me there are three ways to a man’s heart and i was useless in the three…..sex, food & beauty!!!! what verbal abuse can be worse. plus he used to call me a whore too coz he knew it was the only thing that used to get at me.

      This is me that even with my big wedding bands it was as if i did boyz-follow-me jazz o and despite that I was a good girl for several years o. At home his friends were always looking for girls like me coz of my hospitality and meals.

      Today I am in the happiest place ever. the road was not so easy but i made it through and i am glad i followed my heart. search inwards, you will find the way out.

    • Ay

      January 21, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      Hey Beautyy we need to talk!! Inbox ur no to [email protected]

  31. Acharugo

    January 8, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Pegging pegging pegging!!!! Well i think i may be the only one with a contrary opinion. So, sometime back i read about this act online aswell as other ways to please your man. I learnt it really drives men crazy, na so one day i decided to try it with my Hubby by licking his b**t hole and other stuffs(this was after we had showered ooooo hian, am sure he might have been wondering why i insisted he washed his a**s squeaky clean that night lol). Hmmmmm, so when the action started, i played my way to his hole, the way the man warned me ehhhhh, he was like “why are u going to my a*s” ? I was like chill joor ul enjoy it. Anyway sha, he didnt even let me continue and he warned me not to even near that area again. Different strokes for different folks

  32. tega

    January 8, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    @Beauty…don’t cheat on him…it is unfair,,,,,do unto others what u want others to do to u,,,,,dont cheat…he is your husband…forgive him…and u guys should talk about it..in a gentle manner.

  33. tega

    January 9, 2016 at 11:17 am

    A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE

  34. Big Tee

    January 9, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    I used to delight myself in visiting one of my babe’s house, I’ll make sure I get there late in the evening, penetrate the anal cavity anyhow, eat all the food, and she will be messaging me the next day how she had to leave home very early for work with no food and having to seat sideways all day at work….NotProudofThisAnymore.

  35. princevinco

    January 13, 2016 at 4:37 am

    Any sexual relationship that does not offer both parties real pleasure is never a good sex. Some men are relatively guilty of not satisfying their spouses on the bed. The reason being that some are so quick in that while their woman is still warming up for the show they score a goal and the game is over.
    Moreover, some women don’t have the boldness to tell their spouse that they are not satisfied while some men don’t bother to ask or find out if their spouse is satisfied. Both parties ought to enjoy it to the fullness.

  36. Boss lady

    January 21, 2016 at 1:30 am

    Don’t marry an Ibo man , they are unemotional , boring , unaffectionate beings. Secondly talking about issues does not work in all cases , I have been married for 9 years and all the pleading , talking to hasn’t changed the man I married . The regret I feel for marrying him is so strong that I have tried to commit suicide in the past .

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