After my last article: “8 kinds of Men you will definitely meet in Lagos”, I got a lot of requests and e-mails asking me to write and post a version for the females. However, since I am not sure I have enough information at the moment to write on that, I have decided to throw light on something I have noticed about Lagos women. A syndrome ignored by everyone, yet so prevalent it has completely consumed most of the women in the city. A syndrome I have decided to call the “Lagos Girl Syndrome (LGS)”.
No doubt, the idea of a syndrome tends to ignite thoughts of a disease or ailment…but I like to think of the LGS as a condition, a ‘state of being’ precipitated by series of correlated signs and symptoms… not something you necessarily have to perish from. The LGS is a condition in which a woman or young girl within the age range of 15 to 45 has to deal with feelings of inadequacy stemmed from an exposure to the Lagos way of life –or a perceived affiliation to the city.
While the LGS is an informal term and not a medical or psychological condition. It is often used as a derogatory term to describe those who are perceived as acting this way. A majority of the gorgeous women of Lagos are already afflicted with this condition, particularly common women who gain a lot of confidence and status from their position or reputation in the Lagos society.
Like most syndromes, you might have it but be unaware that you do. It is therefore important to look out for the tell-tale signs so you know how to avoid it or at most combat it. Here are eight of the signs:
A fake foreign accent
I am not certain how this started or when everyone in Lagos decided a foreign accent was preferable to the basic Nigerian accent, but as it is, almost everyone (including illiterates and men) living in the city puts on an accent. Of course, the girl with the LGS is one of the many afflicted with the need to wear a foreign accent, even when she has not crossed the shores of Nigeria, or just Lagos. She puts on a British, American, French, Spanish and sometimes even an Indian accent…anything, as long as it is exotic and not Nigerian. Unfortunately, she is not always able to pull it off, especially when she is submerged in strong emotions, engaged in a heated argument or her “h” factor is obstinate and keen on stealing her thunder. If she has an accent, find out how she got it, and if her story comes out superficial, she totally has the LGS.
The general stereotype is that Igbo girls are light skinned, but Lagos, a city in the western part of Nigeria, majorly inhabited by the Yoruba tribe, has surely discredited this typecast. This is not to say that the light-skinned Yoruba girls are the only one who possibly have the LGS, light skinned girls from other tribes living within the city are also suspects. The girl with the LGS may not be born light-skinned but she miraculously grows into it, either by gene transmutation, skin grafting …or by toning and bleaching. She is the girl who spends her savings on skin scrubs and skin polishing sessions. She has an extreme skin regimen and she gets lighter as the days roll by. When she cannot afford the creams that give her that flawless skin tone she craves, she goes for local formulas which end up turning her face pink, her knuckles black and bestows upon her a collage of horrendous stretch marks. If she is extraordinarily light skinned and she is not mixed, ask for her baby picture, and if you are super close, stylishly check her butt crack as well. All things will be revealed.
A knack for digging up gold
Most women around the world want money and material possessions but the one with the LGS is in a class of her own. She is high-maintenance, so she approaches you for what you have, not for who you are. You only attract her when she is certain you are financially buoyant and you have the means to shower her with the designers and luxury gifts she claims she is used to. Thanks to the plethora of local celebrities in Lagos, her only goal at a night show is to end up with one of the performing celebrities. She has no problem with dropping any name to socially climb her way within a 5-foot radius of the talent. She is very demanding and controlling, yet she rebuffs your advances or refuses to reciprocate your affections. Nothing you give her is ever enough and she has ego for days. Sometimes, you actually do not have to have a lot of money, you just have to have the potential to make it and she is all over you, but then, if somehow you do not pull through, she makes your life a living hell. If you have dated a girl for 3 months and she cannot tell the kinds that interest you, she probably has the LGS.
There are independent women in Lagos and there are some who claim to be independent; either way, it can be a sign that she has the LGS. The independent woman with the LGS is smart, intelligent, witty and even beautiful. She has a lot of jobs – she is a top engineer at an oil company, consults for other firms but also owns a beauty shop and a salon; and she makes a lot of money. She does not believe anyone, especially not a man, can do anything for her. She only succumbs to ‘love’ when she feels the hormonal rush, but then, she treats the man like a disposable towel. She focuses on the complete and total equality of the relationship and so, keeps track of who pays for what and when, taking the pleasure off the romance. She never talks about herself or gives anyone room to get too close to her; She has so many routines and rule, and actually, she is more concerned about the business or contract she can get from you rather than how you can enrich her social life. She is most times insensitive and does not hesitate to gloat over her success (with an aim to let you know that she does not need anyone). If you meet a girl and every time you flirt with her, she starts to talk about her place of work, her position and how important her independence is to her, there is a high chance she has the LGS.
The girl with the LGS is very superficial: she wears the latest hair and follows the latest fashion trends. Her perfumes are expensive, and you never catch her without makeup, especially a loud lip color or a highly contoured face. Her role models are Kim Kardashian, Rita Dominic and Amber rose, but then she is a destitute fashionista. She may sport a N200,000 handbag, yet she squats in her uncle’s ex-wife’s cousin’s miniflat or she rents a room with six other girls. Her closet is busting at the seams, but her net worth is somewhere around N5,000. This girl can lie for Africa and she always has a comeback, a reason or defense. She seems fabulous, but of course, she spends most her time dodging debtors or ‘doing runs” just to meet up. You usually find her brunching at Oriental hotel, jogging past the Lekki toll or just strolling along V.I or Ikoyi. You may need to cut her some slack though, as with all the extravagance in Lagos, it is hard not to fall into temptation and get trapped in the mirage of affluence. If you notice your girl showing this signs, ask to meet her family or know where she lives, you will definitely get clued up.
The need to always be the main ‘P’
The girl with the LGS believes that everyone has to do what she wants, when and how she wants it. She is a room-commanding princess and she wants you to revolve your world around her. In fact, the world has to pay obeisance to her. If you talk, you will notice she quickly turns the conversation around so you are soon talking about her. This type of woman is worse than a gold digger because she expects you to do everything for her. She is self-absorbed and has a vindictive streak. She thrives on attention and kicks up a lot of drama any chance she’s got. She has an over-inflated ego and sense of entitlement, but somehow, the rejection she’s faced in the past or the fact that she hasn’t made it big yet (in the way that she wants) grants her massive insecurities. When things go wrong, she believes that it is everyone else’s fault, she does not understand the meaning of taking ownership and responsibility of her life and relationships. When in a relationship, she cares less about love than she does about being adored and put on a pedestal. Basically, she just wants to marry a man who views her as a trophy wife. If you meet this girl, ignore her, you will soon find that she starts paying attention to you. But, then, as soon as you start paying attention to her, she will revert back to herself.
An obsession with the social media
The girl with the LGS is always caught staring down at her phone or looking to her right (for whatever reason). She is also a Selfie queen and knows the best angle for a pout. She has a blog, as well as accounts on every social media platforms: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Instamessage, Snapchat, wechat, and even LinkedIn. This girl can pay N15,000 registration fee to enroll in a top gym just so that she can take short videos of herself on the treadmill or the elliptical for Snapchat. She spends her Saturday nights sipping on Long Island at the Lagoon restaurant and her Sunday afternoons packing a plate at Southern Sun, mainly for the sake of Instagram. She tracks all trending topics with hope that her name or hastag will pop up. A majority of her friends (and maybe even her boyfriend) are virtual followers on the social media. If she says “LOOOOOOL” instead of just laughing or giggling…you already know.
She is a love vixen
The girl with the LGS is a charmer. She may not necessarily be pretty, but she is usually hot. She makes you feel special, and in that moment, you will be special. But then, as soon as you leave the room, you will probably be forgotten. She is an expert at drawing men into her waiting arms. Sometimes, she does this by defining herself with her sexuality, controlling her mate with sex and essentially manipulating and blackmailing him. Other times, she is just a tease, luring the man in, only to pull away before he seals the deal. But then, although the man is left with feelings of acute frustration, he is still stuck on her like a fly to a ray of light in the dark. The LGS girl also likes to party. Her brain is full of air and she rarely contributes any substance to the night, but she downs her drinks twice as fast as everyone else and keeps asking for more. If you are guy and you find yourself hooked to this girl, even though you know she just stimulates your pants and not your mind, you are certainly hung up on her LGS.
Look closely at this list and you will probably discern that almost every Lagos woman exhibits at least one these signs, and so, to be fair, I believe the ones with a combination of 3 or more of these signs are the ones who have the syndrome. What do you think? Do you know anyone showing these signs? Did I miss any of the signs? Let me know in the comment box below.