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Prince Humphrey: The Silence Surrounding Depression is Killing Us

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Foto.com.ng - Downloads-9No one will willingly admit to suicidal ideation – the intense obsession with the thoughts of death. This is not necessarily the thoughts of taking one’s life but it’s often seen as the way out. I have found this to be the deepest and most difficult aspect of depression – I call this deep thinking; what else can it be? 

I think it’s natural to think, no pun intended. If not, we will not be called rational. How did I fall into this hole – this black hole of the mind? I will never know or understand but one thing is crystal clear, I have always been under pressure for the greater part of my life. The pressure to conform to a stereotype, the pressure to be a smart kid especially when I was younger, to be smart like my siblings. I know what it means to be a failure and to be called a failure so I’ve always wanted to be the best, to be successful in everything. I’ve never cherished praise or adulations but to be left alone and still be seen as the best. I’ve always wanted to be seen as a genius even in failure.

I have not really slept for the best part of a decade. I have been fantasising with being successful for the best part of 15 years. I have always wanted to create the kind of life and living I never truly had. Now that I have a semblance of what I wanted, now is when the black hole feels at its widest and deepest. I can’t fathom it.

It is said that courage is not the absence of fear. I don’t know if I am afraid or not but I feel vulnerable and incapable of helping myself. Yet I don’t think I have failed, at least not to those close and dear to me. I feel I’ve done my absolute best and just want to check out.

I have suffered illnesses and sleeplessness; I still experience these. These are merely the symptoms of the depression I suffer from. Even migraine seems to be ever present.

Am I tired? Yes, seriously. Am I vulnerable? Yes, absolutely. Am I a weakling? Yes, completely. Yet I will never want to piggyback on the strength of another man. This is a simple case of not wanting to be disappointed and I’m not one for being a burden.

There’s a space I want to occupy, that unique essence of being free and unencumbered.

I beg your indulgence to contradict myself. Life is full of various pressure and my greatest is to pay my rent and other bills. The pressure to succeed has been with me for so long it doesn’t feel like pressure anymore.

Don’t ask me about love and loving. I know what they mean and how they feel but they don’t motivate me. They feel like massive burdens.

Help me to ponder my existence. Allow me to moan about the failure of a past life. Teach me nothing. I am not inclined to learn, not for a simple mind but a bleak mind. I can teach you a thing or two. I can teach sadness and a sorrowful existence. I am a master but don’t follow my lead. I persistently summon blackness from the depth of a place I know nothing about.

***

I wrote the above piece when I was going through a depressing time. I actually spent a lot of time writing my thoughts down in poems and proses. I hope the above is able to shed some light into my thoughts during those times. Yes, depression, the essence of this article.

Mental health by its very nature is often a taboo in every society and in almost every culture. More so in a society that takes pride in protecting the integrity of our family name. Suffice to say that even in the Western culture, it was sadly overlooked until recently. Why so? Mental health is often seen through the prism of its seriousness. If it’s not serious that it warrants the person being institutionalised, then it’s not given the right attention it required.

No one wants to talk about mental health and it’s often taken for granted as it’s only seen through the narrow worldview of one of its forms; ‘visible madness’ or what I will call a psychotic state of mind. Yes, no one likes been called mad. Madness or psychosis is the brutal state of mental illness. It’s stigmatic by its very nature. This is not an attempt to talk about the various forms but the very silent form; depression. No one really cares for a depressed mind. Why? Depression is not high up our list of illnesses.

As a country that’s bedevilled with several problems, of course some issues won’t be on the table at all. Yes, I understand there’s no space for mental illness in a bowl full of so many problems. The main picture that’s registered on our minds are the dirty looking mad men in tattered clothes picking food from the rubbish dumps or the very violent ones.

The aim of this piece is not to talk about the state of the Nigerian healthcare system but to advise sufferers to seek help. If you are a sufferer and reading this piece, then it is never too late. The first thing is to talk to someone. Let your loved ones know what you’re going through. I remember talking to a doctor some years ago. I was able to deduce two things; talk to someone or get a flat mate. You might be wondering why I had to talk to the doctor. I was unwell, with severe tummy ache. The diagnosis was Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). The IBS wasn’t a recent development but as a result of years of deep thinking. You may want to call it depression.

I spent the sad time thinking uncontrollably. I couldn’t shut down my mind, I couldn’t stop it from being busy. I slept less and less over the years until I finally slipped into insomnia. So you see a number of interrelated issues; depression, IBS and insomnia. I was able to get out of them all but it was a lot of work and it took a long time. Of course, I thank God. How did I get into such a state? That is a very long story which I may have to serialise.

Depression is a silent killer. Of course, I will like to assume so many people, especially the young people, are suffering from this ailment. This can only be true given the current tough economic situation in the country. Everyone seems particularly stressed. So I will advise anyone struggling to talk to someone. I accept that our culture is very masochistic but it’s about survival. Of course, people have the very wrong notion about depression. One is often seen as a weakling. You’ve heard it so many times that boys don’t cry. No wonder the rate of depression is higher for men than women. We’ve heard about several suicide cases so it won’t be far-fetched to assume depression played a great part in it. Seek help. It certainly makes no sense to suffer in silence. No one wants to talk about it but you can talk about it to get out of it.

Are you going through stress or are you depressed? What is your experience like? How were you able to get out of it? Please let other readers hear about it all by adding your comments below.

Photo Credit: Foto.com.ng | Nsoedo Frank

A co-founder of PrognoStore. He loves writing. A writer of dark poems and proses, although he sometimes writes some beautiful ones. He loves travelling but mostly his head. Follow him on Twitter @princehumph

36 Comments

  1. Carina

    April 3, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    Depression is a disease. RIP to those that lost the battle by committing suicide.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 10:55 pm

      Yes, it is a disease but not seen as a priority. This is very detrimental to sufferers

  2. Weezy

    April 3, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Very brave. Glad you’re surviving.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      Thanks Weezy.

  3. Beenthere

    April 3, 2016 at 3:22 pm

    It’s been more than 35 years…I have not gotten out of it. It’s like a vacuum sucking joy from everything. I’ve endured sleepless nights, racing thoughts, deep seeded anger over little things, shame, resentment…never happiness or joy. At least not for long, I get ashamed when a little light shines my way, because I feel that I either don’t deserve it or that it might get taken away from me. Feeling anything good about myself was extremely difficult. Then anxiety and panic attacks set in and things became worse. I struggled in college, driving on the morning of a test, I would turn around and go home and hide under my blanket. I would call and retake the test when I was able to think rationally. I cried almost everyday because I felt stupid and good for nothing. I took my professional exams and couldn’t get out of bed for three days. I worried that I had failed and wouldn’t be able to retake the exams. Even applying for a job felt like climbing a mountain! Simple tasks takes a lot of self talk and self assurance that everything will be fine. I have no social life and can’t make new friends. The thought of going anywhere other than work, school or grocery shopping is exhausting.
    I finally sought help not because the anxiety or insomnia bothered me (I got used to that). But because I started having persistent thoughts of harm, towards myself and my children. My children are the only things that make me engage or try to engage. If I can’t get on with life, do I expect that they will?
    Does my family know, one person does. I have no wish to debate all the reasons why ‘I should be happy’ with anyone.
    Please, no talk about how Christians should never ‘be’ or ‘feel’ depressed. With all kindness and respect keep that chatter to yourself. Your spiritual epiphany is personal and peculiar to you. Depression is deeply personal, what works for you, may not work for me. My life experience is not the same as yours. A lot of ‘why can’t you’ and ‘you should be’ kept me believing that I was broken in some way different from how my depression had already shaped me.
    How do people not know I have depression? Every morning I wake and put on my cloak and mask of ‘normal’ and get through the day.
    So to all those experiencing depression: find a person that grounds you, seek help in whatever form that speaks to you most, medical or spiritual. Decide that you matter and that may help make everything seem a little ok.
    Good luck.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      I sincerely empathise with you. Yes, depression is very personal. No one really understands what you are going through. Those who know about it may even tell you to “be a man”. This doesn’t help at all. I wish you the very best

  4. Amen

    April 3, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Totally relate to what you’ve written, read the first few paragraphs in utter surprise cos I identify 100% with it. Talking rly helps, though it’s not easy getting someone to talk to, I find it difficult to and doubt that the person would keep what i’ve said to him/herself or even take me serious (am a jovial and playful person) so I done bother anymore. Praying also helps (though sometimes you just want to talk to someone and converse with a human being), last time I felt like committing suicide, God’s mercy and grace was still flowing for me and I askd a friend through BBM to pray for me (he was rlly scared by the request and bombarded me with phone calls the next day),but it helped. Then music and writting too helps, sensible music of course,you could listen to praise songs or danceable songs or if you play any instrument good; for writing, you could write stories or poems, might not be a sure solution though cos i’ve been ‘blank’ and ’empty’ so much so that nothing seems to exist. So first n foremost i’ll say getting someone to talk to(am scared of talking to my doctor before she decides to add to d issues I hv, wanted registering for a counselling etc session but twas too expensive, share veryyyy little wit a frnd and bombard God wit d rest when am not sooo low); secondly talk to God and finally get a hobby/practice ur hobby more frequently eg music(listening or making),writting,etc sorry for the long epistle

  5. Avosiya

    April 3, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Thanks for sharing
    Yea, the thing about the rate of depression being higher for guys looks to be true (not sure why maybe cos they don’t like to talk much) but really if anyone can create that awareness………it will be sooo helpful. Seeing it around lately

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      I think it has to do with their genetic make up. Wanting to prove and look hard. The society has also not been too kind. The saying that “be a man” means men can’t show any sign of weakness. This is a sad thing. Only awareness can help break this down.

  6. Segi

    April 3, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    I wish I can tell you exactly when my episodes started but even I don’t know. Let’s just say I’ve lived through a lot of people’s worst nightmare in a space of two years. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder a couple of years ago, I was placed on Xanax and Zoloft, with some couch therapy sessions. All was well until I decided to move back home, then the judging stares and taunts – oh snap out of it – can’t you just pray? – your faith isn’t strong enough…huh, what can I say? To show I was strong enough to stand on my own, I stupidly flushed down all my medication; which I was already overdosing on, I had epic meltdowns. I kept stopping my medication whenever I felt slightly better – the result, I truncated all the previous efforts to get well. Things became so bad I was mixing cocktail pills and felt strongly suicidal, a couple of my friends formed an intervention team. I had a psychiatrist/psychologist visit me at home every week and I was placed on a new medication known only to my friends and the doctor – to prevent overdosing on them. My life is on a positive trajectory, even though I struggle to go out -I have to plan at least 2 weeks in advance, if I’ll be having lunch with friends or watch a stage play or movie (either favorite activities I haven’t even engage in this year). I only venture out once in 10 days or two weeks, lost all interest in what the world has to offer. My few friends now know better than to rely on me showing up at their events. I’m determined to get better, sticking to my medication and therapy is huge contributive factor. The doctor said I might be weaned off my medication before the end of the year. Positive progression all the way 😀

    • Weezy

      April 3, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Wow, this is an ordeal. It is very dangerous to quit antidepressant / anxiety medication cold turkey. Please don’t do this again. If you do have to stop taking them, you need to wean yourself off gradually over several months.

      Do you have a therapist in Nigeria? I’ve been wondering what level of mental health treatment (strictly depression or anxiety) is available.

    • Segi

      April 3, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      Thanks Weezy, I read my solemn pledge never to go cold turkey on my medications at the beginning of my therapy sessions :D. Yeah, surprisingly there are quite a number of therapists around; especially on the island. I’ve been through 4 already. Will try get their info together. You can drop your email address if you need the hookup.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Segi. Thank God you are getting better. Prayers should not stop your medications. A lot of people have been affected negatively by this very bad and dangerous advice from our well meaning christian friends. Keep plugging at it and you will be fine soon.

    • Beenthere

      April 4, 2016 at 4:51 am

      I work in the mental health field so I know a little about meds. They are as helpful as they are dangerous. Quitting psych meds cold turkey is like jumping out of a speeding car on a highway full of nails. Overdosing your meds is like jumping out of the same car while strapped to a bomb. Neither will get good results. Some of the meds help certain chemicals that are already in your body get used more efficiently or prevent them from breaking down prematurely. Some of those chemicals ( let’s just call them that, I’m too tired to look up the proper term) like serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine are responsible for mood, sleep, sexual desire, appetite and the reward system in your brain to name a few. That’s why it’s believed that when you’re depressed, the chemical levels in your brain are out of whack so you experience things like insomnia, loss of pleasure, appetite loss and get no pleasure from sex. Overdosing often causes what is called serotonin syndrome (it’s a little like going berserk!).
      Sadly finding the right medication is hard, that’s why therapy and medications are used to achieve a balance.
      I hope you find what works for you. You can check some milder anxiety meds out yourself online (if you want to). Antihistamines like Benadryl is sometimes used for anxiety and sleep. While supplements like tryptophan and gaba have gotten some good results.
      Last thing, vitamin d levels and thyroid hormone levels also play a big role in depression. Low vitamin d levels are attributed to seasonal affect disorder (SAD) a type of depression and the thyroid hormone is responsible for homeostasis. I encourage everyone to check and know their levels.
      How do I know all of this you ask? Did I tell you I work in the mental health/medical field?

      I’m ranting…I’m going to go now. Good luck.

    • Depressed somebody

      April 4, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Am I the only one who feels like there should be like a depressed people’s forum? Like where they share thoughts that only us understand? Or is it going to be too depressing listening to other people’s depressing thoughts? I always wanted to have a friend who is as depressed as me. i mean i’m tired of all these hope preachers around me who make me feel stupid for being depressed.

    • Weezy

      April 4, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      There are many of them online but not Nigeria-specific. I think it would be great to have a forum or support group in each major city.

    • Weezy

      April 4, 2016 at 1:14 pm

      Hello, please email me the therapists info at [email protected]

  7. Roller coaster

    April 3, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    have thoughts of walking into deep water and just keep walking(i can’t swim lol) some days are better and the world is all sunshine and sweet.
    I can’t sleep most night and when I do, I wake up with my heart besting really fast,dizzy and stomach aches.
    Going out is not even on the agenda except its work related
    I know my anxiety has gotten really bad, I just can’t summon the courage to talk to anyone or be with anyone
    Facing every new day is a hurdle….I really just want to sleep , forever maybe?
    I’m tired a lot I can’t sleep,can’t eat,can barely keep the food in if I do I’ve lost weight and I’m already skinny.
    My mind? Its a never ending roller coaster of thoughts,some days I’m literally screaming at it to shut up.
    I don’t want to die or anything ,I just want to feel sane ( I think)
    I’m used to this melancholy, its a slippery slope between that and when I feel happy.
    I’m learning /trying to take one day at a time
    Who knows I might go back to the hospital for medication/counseling,even that seems like a lot of work now.
    And people should really stop with the pray harder or increase your faith or the million reasons to be happy,its really not black and white.
    I’m tired
    I’m tired
    Drained
    Tired
    Slips back……

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      I am really sorry. You have just described what i experienced. Not wanting to eat, can’t sleep, headaches, stomach aches etc. Please you have to summon courage and talk to someone that is very close to you. You need to talk to someone as soon as you can. This will set free to start with and then set you on the way to recovery. Talking is essential.

  8. help me Lord

    April 3, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    I agree wit u totally depression is a silent killer. unfortunately I have been in a state of depression for some years now. Mine I wld say was as a result of hurt and betrayal even though I have forgiven I have become careful of everyone and everything such that its harming me. Its so bad that sometimes i hear voices in my head,i feel I am going mad other times I have suicidal thots ringing in my mind. The annoying part to me is d fact that my husband always waves it aside wen I try to share wit him and let him understand how i feel.He wld shut me up and start reminding me how ungrateful I am that upon all he is doing to make me comfortable all I can think of is ending my life forgetting he is responsible for what im experiencing. It really hurts I must confess. The moment I saw this article I knew it had to do wit me so I paid so much attention to it. With every passi.g day i just hope and pray I am set free from this bondage. God help me Amen.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      I am so sorry you are going through this. What you need is for your husband to really listen and be more understanding. This will help you to get over the hurt and set you on the way to recovery. I pray you pull through. God bless you

  9. Josephine

    April 3, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    Thank you for this. Awareness is important. I must confess to not taking it seriously and saying people just need to pray more. That can help but sometimes medication is needed. No one will tell a malaria patient to pray more. I stood corrected and stopped the bad advice. If people feel that they have no one who gets it they stop talking and planning the unthinkable. But please don’t do it. Your pain will end but the pain you will cause your family is for life.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 3, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      Very well said. Of course, it is good to pray but talking about will do a whole lot of good.

  10. Bowl

    April 3, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    depresssion is indeed real . I wil tell my story another day.now for everyone passing through this dark waters , may the Lord send strong sunshine into your life. May the Rays of this light melt every coldness around you. May they lighten up every dark tunnel in your life. May your life be called land of never setting sun. In Jesus name. Trust me ,you can win this battle.

  11. Please help I am going mad

    April 4, 2016 at 4:19 am

    Mine started since when I was a teenager or maybe young. People always making fun of me for been short am 5.0 am petite and pretty as alot of people tell me but I can’t get over me. It was a severe blow to my self esteem. I when from severe happy go lucky girl to constantly competing with people in my head I felt like I was never good enough for anybody. I will have social anxiety. I hated myself and I became obsessed about how I look. I slept with any guy that gave me the slightest attention. The worst was when I broke up with my boyfriend. I will get consistent continuously thoughts that never ends its always there I felt I was going mad. I was obsessed about who is cheating on. My anxiety became worst when I worked night shift with the constant stress my mind was going nuts constantly racing thoughts. I even had insomnia. I beg the doctor to put me on ambien. I felt that was my only solution to sleep. i thought about taking my life. The doctor said I should quit my job which I did and I when to counseling. My parents think I am just making things up. My paranoid was worst when I got married I believed deep in my heart my husband didn’t love me and I was obsessive jealous of his ex girlfriendsGoing through my husband phone emails and contant believe in my mind he is cheating. Deep inside I didn’t want to feel like this. I even had postpartum depression and call the police on my husband. I had thoughts of harming my baby. No matter the good happening I am over come by the negativity. On my deepest darkest days when everything is bleak I said a little prayer and Jesus answer and in months I was able to sleep. He touch my soul I felt it and never forget how I feel. All this happened to me 2 years ago and and glad to say that Jesus is truly a healer. I gave my life to Christ . I pray alot and meditation alot. It truly calms me down. It might not work for everyone but thats what help me. I fast every year now for 40 days it truly helps calm me and be very selective of what I feed my spirit. Be it social media or tv. I am in a better place now and can’t believe how calm my mind is. It’s Amazing

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 4, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      Good to know you are over it. Not many people are able to overcome depression. Thanks for sharing your story. God bless

  12. Amy

    April 4, 2016 at 4:26 am

    I am so sorry about what a lot of good folks are going through. For those “superchristians” who tell you to just “snap out of it”, remind them to read the story of Prophet Elijah again ( 1Kings 19), he was on at least one recorded occasion described to have gone through what some Nigerian Christians are in denial of. A lot of the psalms were written by David when we can only conclude he might have been depressed. Moses had anger management issues which eventually caused him not to see the promised land, Gideon suffered low self esteem issues, etc. So to everyone going through depression or any other form of mental illness, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you can find a good therapist or psychiatrist ( not the types that blab over the Internet), please go for it. I worked in that sector of health care for years and I know it’s not a one size fits all. Please also find a genuine friend ( not party buddies or drinking buddies) and learn to confide in such a friend little by little that is trust them with small info and see if it spreads, if they are discrete, then build it from there. Never go off most of the meds cold turkey, withdrawal could lead to things as serious as seizures and even death so don’t listen to anyone advising you to dump your meds in one day! God knows his children like any parent and he knows they go at different paces. Above all, read the bible yourself, a lot of our heroes of faith endured similar struggles but we now paint them in perfect colors but they were men and women like us. With God, good support system including Therapists and good Psychiatrists and sometimes medications, things will eventually be ok in Jesus Name I pray

  13. Sisi

    April 4, 2016 at 5:28 am

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’ll share this on Facebook to further education others.

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 4, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      Thank you @Sisi fpr wanting to share on Facebook. Good to let people who are going through this to know they are not alone in the struggle. God bless you

    • Sisi

      April 4, 2016 at 5:59 pm

      Educate* sorry
      God bless you too!

  14. Ade

    April 4, 2016 at 7:47 am

    @humphrey & others really powerful message and great for you to share. Hopefully this provides a light and reassurance for someone out there as well. Thx

    • Prince Humphrey

      April 4, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      Thank you @Ade. That’s the hope!

  15. help me Lord

    April 4, 2016 at 9:59 am

    Amen. Thank u Humphrey.

  16. The real dee

    April 5, 2016 at 2:11 am

    I’ve been depressed before too. Three years ago, I didn’t even understand myself again. I felt I was running mad. I was literally saying rubbish to myself and thinking crazy thought. I wasn’t suicidal cos’ I knew I would go straight to hell so I was wishing someone would kill me, a thief would come to our house and shoot me out of my misery. So many things brought about depression,what people said to me, what people did to me, unemployment, lack of genuine friends, even mundane things.

    Thankfully, Prayer, deliverance (you may not believe it, but depression is a demon working hand in hand with discouragement, frustration, death & hell) and complete dedication to God brought me out of my own depression. I had every symptom you mentioned, depression, irritable bowel syndrome and acute insomnia, i was even addicted to panadol cos’ thinking back now, I used to take that pain killer a lot. Headaches were a constant.

    I still struggle with sadness, anxiety and worry but I have not relapsed into depression again. Like the writer said, TALK TO SOMEONE. Someone who is understanding, who truly cares for your well-being, who you feel comfortable talking to and can pray with and for you. If you want to talk to someone and the person expresses shock at you being depressed, thats a wrong someone. If you wany to talk and the person questions your faith in God, that’s a wrong someone.

    Above all, TALK TO GOD. He is invincible but there is something supernatural about talking to Him. Anytime something triggered my depression, I would go on my knees with tears in my eyes and tell Him everything that happened. I can’t really explain what it was but I always felt a flow of peace and joy in my heart anytime I stood up.

    And I understand we have different religions but there’s something different about following Jesus Christ. I genuinely gave my life to Christ and my life changed. I may not have all I want in life and I have not reached that stage of perfect happiness but Jesus always comes through. He’s very kind and loving, a very present help in time of trouble.

  17. Lanre

    April 6, 2016 at 11:00 am

    The power of the mind cannot be overemphasised. We just have to realise it all starts here…The mind. Alot of things happen to us but only the shit we allow gets us depressed. I’ve been there. I didn’t die cause my attempt was interrupted but today I feel safer and happier and fulfilled too cause I get to talk to alot of people on what to digest and how to digest it. The society isn’t helping much, I must add.
    I got married in 2014, my husband, oh my husband is super amazing with his human fault of course. But few weeks to our wedding, I realised he’s broke. Not because he had spent all his money on the wedding prep but because his expectations didn’t come alive…how silly to rely on money at large for wedding prep and starting a family. My siblings intervened and wedding happened but not without a constant fight between my husband and I cause I couldn’t understand why he didn’t come out plain with me at the initial stage cause I always asked questions about how we would pull through as I just started working at the time. Meanwhile I’m hiv positive and he’s not and he’s aware but he loves me beyond hiv so I couldn’t think he was in it for a bad bargain. After wedding, the main drama started, the life of absolute lack that I’ve never been used to started and I couldn’t go to my siblings or parents to ask for money at that early stage of my marriage. I could eat eba for a week with same soup cause that’s all we had in the house. Lord I was loosing myself. I lost my sanity. I couldn’t sleep. I would walk round the compound at night and sometimes I enter the street. Walk a very long distance without realising it. My husband kept feeling guilty and was always encouraging me but my blame game couldn’t let me hear any of those cause for all I know, he married me to suffer. I would go to see my bff on broad street and pass her office without realising I’ve gotten there. I didn’t realise it was depression till one day I saw an old picture of me. I wept bitterly but who would I talk to. Fastfoward to early 2015, I thought of a divorce, I told my friend and my brother who supported the idea but cause my marriage wasn’t up to a year, I was not able to process it. I couldn’t tell them everything but just the brief that I fend more for both of us with my meagre earning. He has a job but the pay is awful and they’ve been assuring him of effecting a promotions he’s been due since 2012. And he’s excellent at his work too. My husband would give me all the hope in the world and all but nothing was working till one day…I bought snipper from mallam after I’ve asked Google the easiest way to end it all. Everything i read on Google didn’t give me the solution i needed. But my husband saw my snipper where i hid it and waited for him to leave for work. I had written my farewell and apology letter to my parents. He didn’t believe his eyes. We cried tirelessly together after which i sedated myself and slept 2 days on the go, I had told myself I would do this and have a rebirth. When I woke again, I started talking consciously to myself. It took a long while but I overcame this phase, I appreciate my husband better and I appreciate myself better now. And fortune is gradually smiling at us too. I see everything has its timing and I would only encourage you to speak to someone but also gather the momentum to speak to yourself. Live a happy life, you owe that to yourself.
    God bless us all. Group hugs☺

  18. Tayo

    April 12, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    Humphrey, thanks for sharing and bring this issue to the fore. I pray that God will heal all those who are suffering from any mental health issues particularly depression. Taking medication is extremely important and i encourage those who mentioned in the earlier comments that they stopped to never stop. Healing comes in many forms and taking medication can be one of the ways to get healed, the same God who heals people also gave drug manufacturers the wisdom to create the drugs. So don’t wait until some lays hands on you, take your medication, that might be all the healing you need.
    Take care of yourselves.

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