I went back home in December for the holidays. It was fun-filled and I met a lot of people. It was my first time back in over a decade and I fell in love with my country all over again. A lot of the people I met were men and some were interested in relationships. A couple of those men stood out to me but let me talk about one in particular. Let’s call him Fabrice.
Fabrice met me a few days before my vacation was over and after hanging out with him for a few hours, I immediately realized that he was the jealous type and some red flags stood out. But his jealousy was cute to me at that moment. You know what they say, “the same thing that attracts you to someone at the beginning is the same thing that will make you run away”. At that time, his jealousy was seen as possession(in a good way). Anyways that’s not where this story is going so let me get back on topic. A month after we met, he called me talking about an issue with a visa he was applying for. He told me they asked him to bring 3.5 million FCFA. I asked why and he could not come up with a concrete story. Red flag.
Fast forward to two months after we met. I called him one day and he told me he wanted to talk to me about something on his mind. After telling him to call me when he was done hanging out with his friends, he decided he wanted to have the conversation despite being out with friends.
Me: “what is on your mind?”
Fabrice: “well my parents have been pressuring me to get married and I don’t know if you are ready to get married.”
Me: “so you want to marry me?”
Fabrice: “if you don’t want to or you are not ready then you can tell me and I will just tell them I am not ready”
Me: “call me when you are home and we can discuss.”
I hung up and started laughing Who you wan fool? Why would you want to have such a serious conversation while you are at a bar? How long have you known me that you want to all of a sudden discuss marriage? We are not even in a relationship. I immediately called a mutual friend of ours. He busted out laughing too and did not want to tell me directly why he was laughing. All he kept saying was “you are a smart girl”. Anyway, I decided to let it go on that day. A couple of weeks later, I decided to call Fabrice. He started telling me that he has been sick for some days and he is in a clinic. Pele…. But it did not end there. He started clearly stating how much it cost to spend a night at the clinic, he multiplied it by the number of days he was there. He mentioned how much an IV cost and how many more he needed. My people you get the gist of it. I fortunately found my way out of that conversation. When I did my investigation, ole dude was never sick or in a clinic.
The last straw was a few weeks ago when he told me he bought some car parts from Belgium and it arrived but he does not have the money to remove it from the port. It did not end there. He then told me if I can just five him $1000, he can complete it and get the parts. Of course he promised he would give it back after two days. That was my cue to end that call. At last he finally came out straight forward to ask for money, but as our mutual friend said, “you are a smart girl”.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. Fabrice tried to play his cards right, he mentioned marriage thinking it would bring complete trust. He always mentioned that he loved me. He was laying his foundation but I was the wrong person. More generally, I have had this conversation with some girlfriends and for the most part, we agreed that lending money early on in a relationship is not a good idea no matter if it is a man or woman being the lender. One friend mentioned that when a woman helps out her man, she is hoping that it would bring the relationship closer. Others did not agree with this point. I still stood firm that I won’t do it again due to experience. There I was thinking I was helping someone in a difficult situation just for the money to be used to pop bottles.
If we brake it down to man vs woman, then we might get different responses. But I still maintain that it is never a good idea to lend money at the beginning of a relationship. My sister said there is no lending of money anytime in a relationship. She said help each other or don’t.
What do you thing my BN family? What is the rule for lending money in a new relationship?
Photo Credit: Foto.com.ng | Nsoedo Frank