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Osisiye Tafa: Twins – Knowing You Will Always Be One Half of Something
Recently, I participated in a writing workshop organized by the good folks at Goethe Institut. One of the exercises involved writing about our names; what does it sound like, remind you of, is it a good name? My favourite entry was from Edwin [@EdGothBoy] who described living life with a twin name and what it felt like to be given a new name. It was a beautiful story. Taking my favourite words from his story, [word in italics], I recreated a story of twin love and unlove. Enjoy.
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âWhen I was born, I only had ten minutes of life as myself before I became half of somethingâ.
âTwins, twins. Oya smile for meâ
âAre you twins?â
âHow is your brother?â
âWho is older?â
âIs it true that you always know what your brother is doing?â
âWhere is your brother?â
âI am not my brotherâs keeperâ â or something like that â is what I have always wanted to shout at the world. Imagine if your identity was always defined by anotherâs.
Itâs nice being a twin but still. I want you to know that I am me and he is he and we love each other, but still. I donât want my behaviours, attitudes and the corpus of my being to be defined by how alike or contrasting they are to anotherâs.
Ejimma, Ibeji,Tagwaye. Different words that remind me that I will always be half of something.
 *
âTen minutes seems so trivial but to me it means the worldâ
Sometimes, I look back at the tract of time between 1:10 a.m. and 1: 20 a.m. Itâs the only time I was ever alone; itâs the only time I was allowed to be alone. After that, we have been in chains made of stares, glares, names and matching clothes.
Itâs the difference between senior and junior, big meat and small meat, the first and the last â well, not really the last.
Itâs why I feel so protective towards him. Itâs why he calls me when it all becomes too much for him. Itâs why my dad always asks me âwhere is your brother?â and never asks my brother âwhere is your brother?â
Itâs why I punched that guy when we were kids.
Itâs why I am responsible.
*
I hate that I pretended not to really care;â
When mama finally allowed me to choose another name, not this Kehinde and Taiwo business.
When I was finally able to be myself, just Edwin.
When I walked the first steps of individuality without the constant reminders of my link.
When I realized that the link was finally private, something I could cherish because love like all great things does not have to be public.
When I realized that we were finally free – just 2 boys who grew up together, felt responsible for the other and loved each other but still – just 2 boys.
âMy brother and I are a pie-chart of tribes, of identities, each one laying tenuous claim to our lives.â