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Ozzy Etomi: No, I Am Not Taking My Husband’s Name

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime_l_60446437“Rebel without a cause” aka how African feminists are viewed. hee-haw.
June 2nd.

I love my husband. He is comfortable with me being myself and making my own choices, no matter how it is viewed in a misogynistic society like Nigeria’s. We try our best to simply do what works for us and drown out all the noise. Years ago, when we first began dating, I told him I would never change my name, a decision I had made long before we ever met. He shrugged and said it wasn’t that important to him.

But it seems important to everybody else.

Immediately after our union, the jokes and questions about my name remaining the same soon followed. In these modern times, immediately following the vows the bride is expected to run to her social media handles and begin to exterminate her old identity. Anything addressed to us no longer even bothered to add my name in, simply “Mr & Mrs ‘insert husbands full name’,” like I had become some sort of appendage to him, and any insistence that i have to be addressed by my ‘maiden’ name is met with head shakes and eye rolls. I have nothing against answering your husband’s name. I understand the logic behind wanting to have one family name for you and your future children, and I understand that it is an age old custom that signifies that you and spouse have joined together to form a new unit.
But I don’t want to change my name.

I do not want to be passed on like a bottle of whisky from father to husband, switching names according to which man I now belong. The first time, I had no choice, I was born with that identity, but now as an adult I have a choice of whether I choose to change my identity along with my marital status.

My husband is from a different ethnic group than I am, so I would be losing my identity in more ways than one.

I am super uninterested in the shitload of paper work required.
I am very close to my family; I am secure in my name. I know that my family has my back.
Heaven forbid, if something were to happen to my husband, or in the case of a divorce? I then hastily erase his name and tack on whatever new name another man has blessed me with? Women are out here getting re-branded more times than Google.

I LIKE my name.

I do not understand why only men seem to have the privilege of dying with the name (and title) that they are born with. If marriage was truly a union, then in my opinion, both partners either cleave their names and form an entirely new name, or join both names to become their new last name. I remember posing the question on my Facebook page once; I was met with outrage from some men (and also, some women — the yada yada “you feminists” are always bitching about something type). To some men, it was completely out of the question that their wives would not answer their name. Have you ever asked yourself WHY? Is it because that is what you have known and been taught? What you have come to acknowledge as normal and acceptable? Does it signify some validation of manhood (read: sexism) and why would it be so abhorrent for you to imagine changing your own last name?

In an old fashioned and closed minded society like Nigeria, the importance of woman is determined by who she is attached to. Any married woman can attest to being treated with more respect and reverence than our single counterparts, and consequently, most women are chomping at the bit to be *elevated* from ‘Miss’ to “Mrs so and so” (while men comfortably remain Mr all their lives), and are quick to cluck disappointedly at women who do not choose to follow the cultural norms and traditions, even while acknowledging being wholly oppressed by them. I believe in the beauty and freedom of choice and I believe in women exercising their right to choose. If women do not stop acting like we are simply pawns and property to be exchanged, used and silenced, nothing will ever change. Let us not forget that this is the same society in which women once were not allowed to drive, vote and work, amongst other extinct traditions. Changing your name should be something you are excited about and have chosen to do for your own personal reasons, not something that you are obligated to do as a “good christian wife” or a “good Nigerian wife”, and certainly not something that is the God given (read: society given) right of any man.

My identity is not the God given right of any man.

So no, I have no intention of changing my last name. If I do, it will be my (miraculous) choice. No, the world wont come shattering down if my children and I don’t have the same last name. And, when the time comes, who is to say our children cannot double barrel our last names? When you change your name, you cease to have the same last name as your siblings or parents and I’m sure you do not feel any less related to them. Sensitive male chauvinists may frown in fury and deem me “uncontrollable” but, luckily, my husbands masculinity is not so fragile that it hinges on me being branded with his logo. Maybe he might like for me to answer his name. But he respects my choice not to.

I know that I will continue to be met with resistance when I ask to be addressed properly, but that does not offend me. They will continue to address me, and I will continue to correct. Again, the beauty of this all is the freedom of choice.
In the words of an eloquent rapper:
“Do you and imma do me.”
________________________________________________________________________
This article was first published on Ozzy Etomi’s Medium page – @OzzyEtomi

Photo Credit: Dreamstime.com

166 Comments

  1. naijamess

    June 16, 2016 at 8:50 am

    I really agree with u a billion time Ozzy, i dont kn why a woman has to change her maiden name to bear her husbands name.
    I think every African women specially Nigerian women need to stop bearing thier husbands names.

    • Ranyinudo

      June 16, 2016 at 10:03 am

      Hian. If u want to answer ur maiden name u do so, don’t drag all African women into it. Our mentality shaa. Last I checked Michelle is Obama and Hilary, Clinton!

      1
    • meems

      June 16, 2016 at 11:00 am

      And these are the sticks by which we should be measured with?

    • Regina

      June 16, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      For a long time Hillary was Hillary Rodham, then Hillary Rodham-Clinton, until conservatives moaned whined about how she chose to name herself. She dropped Rodham because of pressure from social conservatives which were harming her husband’s and her ambitions. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/11/19/the-fascinating-history-of-when-hillary-clinton-has-chosen-to-use-her-maiden-name/

      1
    • Tosin

      June 16, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      i know. i still feel bad for Hillary, she shouldn’t have had to but she had to. because people are silly and politicians, like celebrities, have to please silly people.
      the Michelle one seems more voluntary. not that i’m biased or anything, but i bet she couldn’t resist a juicy sexy meaning-full African name loool. it’s her life sha.

      “all the world is a stage.”

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 8:00 am

      Who is dragging anyone? Did you read a different article from everyone else? She just explained why she doesn’t want to change her name and the attitude she gets for her choice. And what has her choice got to do with Michelle and Hillary. Man, a lot of you are suffering from acute inferiority complex.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      She never dragged anyone. This is solely her opinion. She, Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton are very different. And keep in mind those women got married in a very different time period. To each his own bud.

    • NIRA

      June 16, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      Naija girl be forming feminist and female empowerment until she marries into a powerful family whose name alone opens doors within and outside the country, watch the speed with which she’ll change her last name to he husbands. Whatever suits you biko.

    • SugaMama

      June 16, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Actually, Ozzy married into the Akinjide family. And she still chose to keep her name. Don’t assume everyone is as fickle as you seem to be.

    • ramat

      June 16, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      You actually just reiterated her point. I should be able to change my name (for whatever reason) if I choose and NOT if I also choose.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:33 am

      Why don’t you just speak for yourself, or open your mind and eyes to see that there are women who really do not care about marrying into a powerful family. They marry for love, and want to achieve their own success.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      It is this type of mentality that will forever make us a third world country. “Naija girl be forming feminist and female empowerment”? What is that? Feminism and Female empowerment isn’t something you “form”. Its a right that all nigerian women should strive to attain. And you must be very backward to rely on a “powerful family whose name alone opens doors” Open your own godamn door. Stop relying on men.

    • Maureen

      June 16, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      My own question is please, who is fighting with her?

    • Damilola

      June 17, 2016 at 12:59 am

      Keep your name if you want but don’t lump it up with feminism. After all, you are still carrying your father’s name who is also a man. If you want to carry this feminism through denounce your father’s name and pick up your mother’s family name which is most likely still her own father’s name. . What’s all this proving to be an independent woman. Let’s focus on what we as women can bring to the table and that we are more than a name.. What I find interesting is, some women just want to rant for no reason. Even the most powerful women in the world use their husband’s last name. It doesn’t make them less independent or powerful. Some women who were born into wealth, power already like Caroline Kennedy, Ivanka Trump uses her father’s name because trump, Kennedy resonates more with the public because of who their father is. But I’m sure they use their husband’s name on documents in certain situations behind closed doors. In America, especially tax season it helps when you are a married couple.

      And as powerful as Hilary Clinton is, her husband’s name carries more weight than hers and got her this far in the political world which doesn’t take away from her own accomplishment, intelligence and strength. You think she didn’t think of divorcing Bill during Lewinsky drama but she knows she still needs his name and influence to go far in the race. Word on the street is, they are still legally married bcos of their political aspiration not for love. I guess, she gives him free passes…lol don’t care as long as I become the first woman president.

      Yes, sometimes you may personally just like your last name, the sound of it and the length. But a lot of times, taking your husband’s name is also good.

      1
    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 9:24 am

      no

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 9:04 pm

      Your comment is rather irrelevant. All you’re doing is comparing her to other married couples. She isn’t rallying for all women to take their husbands’ last names. The idea of feminism is that she has the choice not to take her husband’s last name. You need to understand what feminism is before you waste your data making an irrelevant, useless comment

    • Colour Purple

      June 20, 2016 at 10:02 am

      The shitload of paper work required has made me squirm every time I think of changing my name after 3 years *sigh*

  2. ceejay

    June 16, 2016 at 9:00 am

    great news, whatever works for you. Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet referred to name calling, call a rose any different name it won’t change the smell or what it is.

  3. King Bey

    June 16, 2016 at 9:00 am

    When will you ever get tired of this topic?

  4. The girl who drinks kai kai

    June 16, 2016 at 9:03 am

    This is exactly how i think. I have no apologies.
    I am keeping my last name, in fact after my dad passed; i added his first name to my surname and all my siblings followed suit. Our father was an awesome dad. My original surname stays, marriage or no marriage & my identity cannot be erased because of husband.

  5. i must talk

    June 16, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Some people will dash down from their bathrooms now to rain insults and titles on you. LETTHEMSAY!

  6. Zeeebby

    June 16, 2016 at 9:08 am

    this aunty wants to cause wahala this early morning oh….. I WILL WAIT FOR THE COMMENTS

  7. You know what?

    June 16, 2016 at 9:08 am

    You know what ozzy? My problem with your kind of feminist is that you try to justify, force and persuade others to follow your band wagon.

    Those who like it take their husbands name and move on
    B4 you were born, there are ladies who have kept their name or combined with their husbands own- it is not a new thing.

    The issue with your type is that you try to justify your actions, persuade others to follow your footsteps and what have you

    Do you and let others do them

    Now get off my screen

    1
    • le coco

      June 16, 2016 at 9:34 am

      “THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR TYPE” …. pls what part of her writeup is forcin others to sub crib to her ideals?u were jst lookin for someone to attack this morning.. pls shift

    • You know what?

      June 17, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      It is very obvious that you just passed through school, school didnt pass through you. There are literal meanings and contextual meanings. Read in between the lines “coco”

      It is your type they give poison (in a fanta bottle) to drink, and you will just drink it like that.

    • Lucinda

      June 16, 2016 at 9:36 am

      Get off your screen but you read it till the end. Her opinions don’t seem persuasive to me one bit. If you’re secure in your relationship convictions, it wouldn’t.

      As for me, changing names is going to be for superficial and selfish reasons. Its a matter of- “What will I loose if I don’t and what will I gain if I do?” Case in point, if I married a Rothschild I would change my name. Even after divorce, I’ll retain the name.

    • Tosin

      June 16, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      put it in the prenup 🙂 correct girl!

    • Destiny

      June 16, 2016 at 9:38 am

      THANK YOU OH!!! You’ve been married for 6 minutes but you have soo much to say about the marriage institution. Like You know what said, women have been holding on to their last names way before your parents were even born. It’s not a new thing. It’s going to keep happening forever. In South America the women and children answer thier mothers last name. Please Don’t explain to us why you’re keeping yours. We don’t care, dollar is high and we are just trying to make some money.

      In the words of a famous rapper
      “You need to cut it”

      1
    • Wale

      June 16, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      My thought exactly, here in Miami most of the women from the Latin countries keep their last names. No biggie. In fact, we are seeing men now adopting their wives last name in various parts of the world. No need to justify or write a dissertation on this. To each his own.

    • le coco

      June 16, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      those of u talking about latin Americans, and those in south america, r u ppl normal? the writer is talking about NIGERIA.. please show me ten women in this NIGERIA that kept their maiden name without fight frm outsiders.. did the writer say tht women have NEVER been allowed to keep their names? she spoke about the way our society is frowning upon it.. pls learn to read and comprehend…and God bless u as u do

    • DoubleC

      June 16, 2016 at 9:39 am

      Bia, did you read this article?

    • Naijatalk

      June 16, 2016 at 10:06 am

      But she said exactly that, do you and imma do me. Her aim here is not to gain a cult following. The article is a reaction to people who refuse to address her in the manner she prefers. That’s disrespectful.
      I also HATE that after child birth, you suddenly lose you name and people begin to address you by the name of your child. At church, even after repeatedly saying please don’t call me mummy this, some people at my church remain deaf and go ahead with their mummy christening. It is so disrespectful to the individual’s choice.

    • Missappleberry

      June 16, 2016 at 10:29 am

      I cant like this your comment enough! Its annoying how people really call one mummy this or mama that after a child. Like where did my name go to? Its mostly common in Nigeria and so annoying! Gosh!

    • Chu

      June 16, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      My MIL once said that the reason she is still calling me by my name is because we gave our baby an exotic name and she cant be calling me mummy…., me I told her that I be chick and don’t want to be called mummy anything. We all laughed.

    • Anon

      June 16, 2016 at 11:24 am

      Love your comment…I couldn’t read this to the end!! Nothing as irritating as a seemingly jobless lady ranting about how she doesn’t want to change her last name and how she likes her name!! So those who changed their names hate their names or are the whiskey bottle being passed on! Childish much….keep your opinion to yourself and don’t shove it down our throats!!

    • B!

      June 16, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      You know what?! You are EXACTLY the closed-minded ppl that was described! When thruout the entire text did u see her chanting a crusade for other women to follow in her footsteps?! She simply ELOQUENTLY stated why she won’t keep changing her last name and ended well by saying she’s doing her and clearly ‘ignorant zombie’ do bloody YOU!

    • Mbeke feeling funky

      June 16, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Oga did you read her article at all? She literally said do you and imma do me and goes on about how taking your husbands name or not should be your choice.

      Please read before jumping to conclusions.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 9:16 pm

      You troll. Where did she force anyone to follow her. Did you take literature in school? Did you notice how she used the first person, “I” throughout? This is her godamn opinion. If you dont like it. Get off the fucking internet.

    • J.J.

      July 5, 2018 at 4:16 pm

      But thats exactly what she said. “Do you and imma do me” or do you need comprehension aid?

  8. Ms. Pee

    June 16, 2016 at 9:11 am

    I always thought I’d keep my last name, or at least have a compound surname. Combining both my maiden name and husband’s name but since I got engaged to someone with an “old money” name I have given up the dream! His name is already a compound name and boy…does it open doors!!!!! So yes, I am going to be changing my name soon (*covers face and runs away).

  9. Mama Saffron

    June 16, 2016 at 9:12 am

    Islam doesn’t even encourage you to change your name and for a heavily religious society like ours, I know we are not a Muslim country, but you get my point. Ivanka Trump is still Ivanka Trump. It doesn’t make her any less married or loved mother of three. I don’t even know what her husband’s name is and it doesn’t matter. Women should be allowed to keep their names if they want. It doesn’t make you respect your husband any less. You that took your husband’s name doesn’t make you respect him more. The ones that truly get me are those who also take on his first name. That’s the one I don’t get at all. Like Toyin Gbenga-Badejo. Always makes me wonder but to each his own. Some will say much ado about a name. I will like to point out though that Prince Philip took on Queen Elizabeth’s name. Tell that to a Nigerian man. Hahahahahahahahaha. As for the children why can’t they have double barrel names? Le Boo’s middle name is is mother’s maiden name, so when I suggested that Saffron should hyphenate my father’s name with his, he agreed. In our case, I want my children to have a Nigerian identity too. Yes she has a Nigerian name and it is her middle name but who uses middle names well except you are Neil Patrick Harris or Sarah Jessica Parker. I didn’t want her to lose her Nigerian identity so she has two surnames exactly like mine as I kept my name and only hyphenated his at the end. My 9ja friends said I wouldn’t have been able to get away with it if my in-laws were Nigerian because it is the father’s family that own a child. Me that carried her for nine months and almost died during labour I don’t count. My father smiled sweetly when I told him. It’s not like he didn’t have a son but he was very pleased, and that’s the first love of my life.

    • Hadassah

      June 16, 2016 at 10:28 am

      Jane!!! Mama Saffron… Missed you like Kilode…
      Good to see your comment
      Have a fabulous day!!
      Hugs and Kisses!

    • Mama

      June 16, 2016 at 10:54 am

      That taking on his first and last name puzzles me too. I’m like, don’t you have a middle name of your own? Mostly common with newly weds especially on facebook. I guess its due to the novelty of the marriage. So long as they don’t lose their identity, I guess it is okay.

    • Anon

      June 16, 2016 at 11:33 am

      Actually it’s done when it’s a large family name and you want to specifically identify with the particular ‘clan’- your husband. I did it, my mum did it…and when people hear my name which is quite prominent they know which specific family I’m from.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 16, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      To defend the newly-weds who do it (& no, I’m not planning to adopt the practice myself), I think sometimes, it’s an attempt to try and separate yourself from a long line of other “Mrs” who’re married into a very large family.

      For instance, you marry an Ajayi. And you’re number 101 in the long list of Mrs. Ajayi’s – you quickly solve the problem by addressing yourself as the new Mrs. Sule-Ajayi.?

      Jane, ivanka Trump is a married mother of 3? My goodness: in my mind, she’s still just this gangly, shy young beauty… I no know say she don turn woman like that. And if her father becomes president, more encouragement to keep the name tied into her new family.

    • Mama

      June 16, 2016 at 12:15 pm

      If you put it that way, it does make sense but I still will not do it personally no matter the size of his family.

  10. that uptown girl

    June 16, 2016 at 9:13 am

    Seems like you are seeking some kind of validation for your decision. I don’t mind taking my husbands name I just mind the “Mrs.”. I am going to be a professor one day, why can’t I be professor…….. without the Mrs.? Like the male folks. I was discussing this with my husband last week he asked so assuming we are attending a function together we will be announced as prof. and prof. Okafor??? Nne think about it now. I said for such occasions, seeing as I am there with you I will be your Mrs. But say I am delivering a keynote speech, or a lecture, I want to be announced as prof. Okafor. My marital status doesn’t matter. We left that discussion there but I was very serious.

    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 9:30 am

      Mr. and Prof. Okafor then. guessing he won’t like that 🙂

      1
  11. You know what?

    June 16, 2016 at 9:20 am

    Now to address some of your points.

    1. Why arent you the person paying the groom price?
    2. Why is it expected of your groom to come and marry you, pay bride price, buy engagement stuffs, wedding stuffs..(depending on the culture)

    I know you still expect your husband to propose to you; to buy you the ring; to pay bride price; to buy engagement stuffs; to pay for the wedding gown (even though you claim you have a job paying you some miserable hundreds of thousands monthly); to soldier majority (cos he is the man), to pay the school fees and rent (cos he is the man) and you are still of the opinion that taking a man’s name is bullshit.

    All these listed above doesnt justify taking his name, it just means that someone came to marry you. If you want it the other way round, you can do all the above and let us know you are the one marrying the man.

    Some of you small kids just coming up just open your mouth and start yarning dust as if you are the first to be enlightened, have a degree/masters or the first to earn some miserable 100-200k salary monthly in the whole world.

    You better listen to the voice of reason! EVE only had one opportunity to influence Adam and she misused it. Some of you, when you have access to somethings, your head starts thinking in the reverse. You only reason one line without looking at the other aspect of it.

    • You know what?

      June 16, 2016 at 9:36 am

      Go out there and ask a guy out (Dont expect a guy to come ask you out bcos you are the girl)
      Do all the following up and chasing (dont expect a guy to do the chasing)
      When you go on dates, pay the bills (dont expect him to pay cos he is a man)
      Do the calling (dont expect him to call bcos he is a man)
      Propose to him (dont expect him to take the lead)
      Pay groom price to his parents (stop thinking you are a prize that has be won over)
      Buy engagement things (he shouldnt- since you people are on the same level)
      Buy him the wedding suit
      Take up the school fees,
      Take up the rent
      Dont expect him to drop house allowance (cos he is the man)
      Dont expect him to be the one to protect and nurture you

      What does the term “He is the man” mean?
      What does the saying “I am the girl now” mean?

      Atleast then we will know you are the one marrying the man
      You are the one taking the lead

      You cant expect all that above and still be querying some facts/actions/traditions

      Once and for all, just change everything over so that we can come to terms with the fact that “GIRLS HAVE ARRIVED, they can do what a man can do, they can take the lead and they are equal with men”

    • Anonymous

      June 16, 2016 at 10:19 am

      Don’t take things personal. #whobeatyousef
      Her medium page oooo (aka her outlet for expressing her opinions), wasnt an article for bellanaija.com.
      I would never get why people get angry at others opinions really, why? People are entitled to their opinions without need for insults.
      In anycase you and Kelechi sound bitter though and its stupid getting worked up over someone else’s opinion. Just plain stupid.

    • Corolla

      June 16, 2016 at 11:03 am

      @ you know what, if you are a man, find a woman that will change her name, and if you are a woman, feel free to take your husband’s name. It’s that easy na. Don’t pop blood vessel on top someone else’s preference.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 16, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      You might still be living in the 1900s and may not be fully aware of this yet….

      … but it’s become a pretty well-accepted reality that women already do most of what you’ve written up there (i.e. Paying for rings, weddings, rent, children’s school fees, etc…. Heck, even buying him the credits to call her with) & more. And to shock you some more, some women are doing that from the abundance of the measly thousands of Naira in salary that you scoffed at.

    • Sarah

      June 19, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      I don’t even like the idea of bride price. I can take a guy out. i can propose to him. Ergo, your point is moot.

    • Naijatalk

      June 16, 2016 at 10:23 am

      Very funny.
      You do know that this idea of a female changing her last name is borrowed right so we can’t necessarily claim it to be our culture. I recently found out that Ethiopian women by tradition retain their maiden name after marriage.
      Anyway I think we should calm down with this lady. She wants to remain Ozzy Etomi, let’s respect that. If her husband decides he doesn’t want an automatic transfer of some of those traditional male adjustments after marriage, then he should voice his concerns and both of them deal from there. The bottomline here is respect her choice because she is not harming anyone.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      You are a backward troll. Get off social media

  12. Grace

    June 16, 2016 at 9:21 am

    I love this article, i am a full Nigeria, i didn’t study or leaved abroad for a while(NO) but i have always had this mentality of “Why must i change my surname because i am married”even before i lost my parents very early when i was 16. i am the first of 6 beautiful children,and my Dad(may his soul rest in peace)was an only child. Now i love my Dad so very much,like i truly do. At my young age,i said i was going to keep his name. I have been married for 3 years now and i still bear my Dad’s name. I didnt change it and dont even want to. My husband is from the Western part of Nigeria while i am from the South and he doesnt mind. When people address me as Mrs. XYZ i dont take offence, i just smile and correct you. Shikena, no be fight.

    • Lady Tolz

      June 17, 2016 at 7:28 pm

      So Whilst requesting for folks to still call you your fathers name, do you retain a miss title or have you adopted a mrs title?

  13. Chinma Eke

    June 16, 2016 at 9:24 am

    My sentiments exactly! Why can’t I just be known as ‘Chinma’? No father or husband’s name? I don’t have a problem with taking my husband’s name, but with society making it compulsory.

    • Sass

      June 16, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Nobody stopped you from being just chinma. But try applying for a visa or some kind job where you need background check and come and tell us how far.
      People are talking right you are going left.m

    • Tosin

      June 16, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      you can!
      Madonna doesn’t have two heads. You could even choose a symbol instead of a word. Really, it’s your life.

    • See

      June 16, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Lol! Maddona does have a surname. Ciccone.

    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 9:35 am

      she has lots of names. we know only this one. See 🙂

  14. Pat

    June 16, 2016 at 9:27 am

    Hmm… you claim to ‘have nothing against’ the practice of women taking their husbands’ names, but then you go on to imply that women who do so are being passed around from their fathers to their husbands like ‘a bottle of whisky’, that women who do so are ‘appendages’ and have ‘lost their identity’. You also go on to say that men who like the practice are ‘sexist’ and ‘fragile’ in their masculinity etc etc,
    *SIGH*
    Live and let live, my sister. Live and let live. Respect the rights of others to live in their own truth while you live in yours.

    1
    • Somtoo

      June 16, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      What i cant even abide by is this statement ozzy made;

      ”Heaven forbid, if something were to happen to my husband, or in the case of a divorce? I then hastily erase his name and tack on whatever new name another man has blessed me with? Women are out here getting re-branded more times than Google.”‘

      Why must you change your name if your husband dies? And is it such a big deal to honor the man by keeping his name? If you must change it, is that such a big deal to get paperwork done? Why do you take such simple matters and make them sound so important?

      Then you go on to mention divorce trivially, when you are still married. Yes, i saw heaven forbid, but it shouldnt even be in this article just because you want to lend credence to your point of view. Dont take such matters lightly.
      It just reads shallow and myopic..

      In the long run, its not a big deal taking on your husbands name. Dont make it sound like you are being oppressed. Keep these myopic standards to yourself and stop trying to influence young impressionable women who im sure read your blog or wherever this was copied from.

      You want to keep your name, good for you, Clap for yourself. Yes, Nigerians are “close-minded” but loads of Nigerian women would rather honor our husbands and boost his ego by gladly taking on his first name sef plus last name.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      You’re the one being myopic. Let her express herself. Godamn.. you nigerians can’t even fathom the idea of someone merely questioning your culture. It is okay to go against the norm sometimes. The norm isn’t necessarily right.

  15. signature

    June 16, 2016 at 9:27 am

    I see ur point, coz I ddnt even take the entirety of my husbands name wen I got married(like my usual name plus his family name at d end).

    But u need to chill wen u write diz things…using words like mysoginists, close minded… we aint all like dat though,

    Abeg dis is wat makes u come across as feminist, bcz of the bitterness, plz chill for Africa ma.. Interesting write up anyway.

    • Corolla

      June 16, 2016 at 11:06 am

      You make it sound like “feminist” is a bad word. Do you know the meaning at all?

  16. Emmanuel

    June 16, 2016 at 9:35 am

    Nice…

    What I don’t get is why feminists want to keep their father’s surname not their mother’s surname?

    Abi?

    1
    • Mr. Egghead

      June 16, 2016 at 10:52 am

      ? ?? ?? ?
      ? ? ? ?
      ???? ? ? ? ? ????

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 16, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      It’s because we (male and female children alike) are largely given our father’s last name from birth, imprinted in our certificates, passports and minds. From a time we have no choice and can’t do anything about it. By the time you come around to independent thinking, it’s already become a part of you and (unless you feel particularly strongly about it by that time), you’ve probably accepted it as part of your identity.

      I see the attempt at humour that you’re reaching for but the answer to the question isn’t that hard.

      1
    • funny people

      June 16, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      You can still just change the name with a simple ”OATH OF affidavit”
      You were given the name, you can re-give yourself another name nah abi!
      Since you are so passionate about your course..

      My dear people, there more important issues in life that needs that passion biko channel this passion better reasonable course; Child Marriage, rape are examples since you are feminist!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 16, 2016 at 10:18 pm

      Brother man (or sister girl), we’re saying the same damn thing.

      Yes, you can change it & I’ve said as much in my comment (re-read the 1st paragraph, if you will) but riddle me this – why would you want to “keep” your mother’s surname… If you never answered to it in the first place since all you’ve ever answered to was your father’s surname? If you hadn’t made this fundamental change in address before now, then how does that make a lick of sense in any form – “keeping” something which you never had in the first place?

      When you solve the riddle, please return to share your findings.

    • Red

      June 18, 2016 at 1:53 am

      Honestly I wish you wouldn’t reply a person with the IQ of an turned out umbrella.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 3, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Do you know what feminism means? It is the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. It is not go against all things that have to do with men. You should probably educate yourself before you embarrass yourself on social media

  17. Nelo

    June 16, 2016 at 9:37 am

    In the end, you should do what works best for you and your relationship.

    The other thing is, most anti-feminists have no idea what Feminism is about. Feminism strives for the equality for men and women. It is not a difficult concept to grasp. Women shoulder so many responsibilities and many lose their identity along the way. if retaining your maiden name gives you that identity, then go for it.

    I know i had the same sentiment after marriage but not as strong as yours. I liked my fathers name and everything it represents. I also like having my husbands name. Besides if i did not really want to change my name, i could stall it for as long as i want with the stressful name-changing process in Nigeria.

    How we celebrate baby’s Milestones

  18. le coco

    June 16, 2016 at 9:39 am

    My mother has always said . If u nd your husband agree that u keep ur name.. then everyone else can go to hell… I’m still undecided.. I dn’t knw . I love my name.. Nd I want to keep it.. I dn’t kn if I want to hyphenate.. wht if hubbies name is long and tedious.. It myt be a mouthful. BUT all tht paperwork ehen.. I no deh for all tht one abeg.

    I have no issues with being called Mrs xyz in the family nd amongst friends.. but for légal and work purposes I’d like to remain with the name i was born with…

    the one tht pains me are those friends of mine tht got married in uni.. ass in how can u graduate with another man’s surname on ur diploma.. my Gosh no.. NO..

  19. Kelechi

    June 16, 2016 at 9:41 am

    Why stop at not changing your name. Why not reject the man’s proposal? As it signifies some sort of Leadership. Why not the man move into ur house? As moving into the man’s house, implies that u can’t afford a house. Why not let the man bear children through surrogate ? After all the child will be ours. All these stupid reasoning is why most of you ladies are under achieving. Instead of improving yourself and becoming more than just a pretty face by investing in something tangible, you are here chasing squabbles. Nkita rifolu gi nsi.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 16, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      “Under achieving”? You just made me laugh…. But not with you, if you get my meaning.

      Also, you really should get out of your cave a little more often. ?

    • Mbeke feeling funky

      June 16, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      Lol and you that you are here joining in the squabble you’re Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates? Boy Bye!

  20. FinchleysFinest

    June 16, 2016 at 9:42 am

    I don’t know if this is official but i enjoy calling this couple as Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva …
    They are celebrities and they are still together . (Not that I support this article.. I am just here admiring the best celeb couples..) heeehehhe

  21. sunshine

    June 16, 2016 at 9:46 am

    @mama saffron got it right. I am muslim as well and have always loved my last name and dont think I will be changing it just because of marriage. I love my religion.

  22. Wale

    June 16, 2016 at 9:46 am

    To each its own! I am married and my wife’s social identity remains the same even after 3years of marriage. I don’t even care cos I use my well known nickname as my social identity but my question is, is the writer using her mother’s name and not her father’s surname? Period!

  23. Ajala & Foodie

    June 16, 2016 at 10:01 am

    I am yet to take on my hubby’s name (hyphenated or fully). Initially the thought of what I felt was my identity deterred me but now I have come to realize that I don’t lose my identity because of a last name, nevertheless, the hassle of the paper work involved is what has kept me from changing names, I guess I have no “deep” reason for not changing my name other than laziness but this we (hubby and I ) do not consider an issue. Due to some family issues, hubby has changed his last name so he does not even have the same last name as the rest of his family.

    On my social media accounts , I however, have my name has my first name, hubby’s first name and his last name, (again I chose to do that for personal reasons although officially and Non officially I still use my maiden name). There are people that believe this is not acceptable either especially my cousins. I believe it is simply a personal preference, it is really no one’s business what name we choose to go by as long as all affected parties are happy. Affected parties include, hubby and I ONLY.

  24. Kelechi

    June 16, 2016 at 10:02 am

    Let me break this down further for you ladies, cos am sick and tired of all these wannabe and has been. The sole reason most of u ladies object to societal values, is just to be tagged strong woman or lady. Most of you ladies get serious wet by the mere fact you are not doing what is expected of you ladies. I have a news flash for u ladies, u ain’t no feminist. You are just suffering from paralysis analysis effect of Mandingo in your astrogenes (Am currently doing a research on this field). You want to do Sth to inspire the female role? Why not try Sth daring like the likes of Ngozi adaichie, Uche pedro, and Joke silva. Instead of doing Sth so prevalent. While u are at, why should the children bear only the fathers name? Why not divide the name amongst the kids to show equality, and if u have three kid the third kid should bear both surname to ensure egalitarianism.

    • Wale

      June 17, 2016 at 3:36 am

      ?

    • Red

      June 18, 2016 at 1:58 am

      There is no way you’ve studied anything in your life with your poor speak.

  25. Mr. Egghead

    June 16, 2016 at 10:02 am

    Saw this article on Medium recently – and I thought “This looks like something Bellanaija would post..”

    I honestly wish “African feminists” would focus on real problems that women face – genital mutilation, inability to inherit property, breaking the glass ceiling in the corporate/political world, early forced marriage et al

    I’ve seen this surname argument with oyinbo feminists who are well-fed and some are just looking for a way to score another point with their anti-male rhetoric. The way she constantly slaps Nigeria with untrue tags like “close-minded, old-fashioned and misogynistic” already informs that the author is one of those IJGBs who feel like they are the next hot stuff.
    Some things are just cultural and not oppressive. How do we eliminate this idiotic belief that anything that applies to men but not women is a result of patriarchy? Paternity leave is only becoming a thing in some states in Nigeria, yet you don’t see articles demanding equality with women in that respect. Even from the days of old, lineage trees have been plotted in a patriarchal manner, not because of disrespect to women, but because of convenience.

    She wants everybody to cleave their names or start forming new surnames. Ridiculous. How would we preserve a family’s story when names keep getting diluted. Today, it is Ojora, then on marriage, it becomes Saraki-Ojora, her daughter becomes Saraki-Ojora-Ilesanmi, all because of surname abi? Filling of JAMB forms would be impossible.
    Whatever the author and her husband choose to do in their marriage is none of my business. Like she said, “do you and imma do me.” But please please please don’t make women feel they are being subdued, silenced or oppressed because they adopt their husband’s surname. Even the almighty Beyonce has toured under the name “Mrs. Carter”
    Personally, I don’t care about what my wife will choose to answer. Sometimes, it is difficult to do if she has become popular with that name. Chimamanda was already famous before she married Ivara and her name is tightly linked to her brand. It would be damaging to start afresh.

    There is still some sanity in the world. For every ‘surname-hogger living in a bubble of self-aggrandizement’, there’ll be Heidi Cruz, Sophie Trudeau and even Hilary Clinton.
    Eat ya surname

    • Bodunade

      June 16, 2016 at 10:30 am

      Man! Albert Einstein-Egghead.

    • "changing moniker"

      June 16, 2016 at 11:23 am

      welcome friend!

    • Red

      June 18, 2016 at 2:03 am

      This one is hailing his miniature-peen ideas from his second device.

      Who needs world disasters with people like Egghead the dunce?

    • Shola

      June 16, 2016 at 11:04 am

      can we do coffee?

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 16, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      ?

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 16, 2016 at 2:44 pm

      oops, wrong emoji.

      ??

    • Ada

      June 16, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      Please egghead did you also see the part were she recieved resistance and disrespect because she decided to keep her name? Isn’t that why this article was born. Because if it was truly a matter of choice, it will be no big deal in the first place and there will be no article. women who refuse to abide are usually vilified. Fact is women changing their name comes from an oppressive root. It comes from paitrachy. That is a fact. It’s not something ozzyetomi is making up. Please there are countries that don’t make name changes mandatory and the husbands and wife’s are doing just fine, and filling out forms like jamb forms.

    • The real dee

      June 17, 2016 at 7:40 am

      Ada, please show me the law that says name change is mandatory. What are you saying? how is it borne form Patriarchy? Does anybody put a gun to a woman’s head and say, ‘if you don’t change your name, i’ll blast your brain? So if people think a certain way about a woman who doesn’t change her name, does that hinder her marriage from being harmonious and fruitful? Does that make the marriage destined for a divorce?

      Can you guys just chill with all this unimportant issues and let us discuss more important issues like why men get paid higher wages than women ( I know that has been a debate in the US for a while and I know it also happens in Nigeria); why a man will be considered for a job before a married woman; why married women with children find it difficult to get a job, how women can increase their potentials for promotion in the workplace, how women can get into male dominated professions and stand out, the list is endless.

      Like my mum would say, when Yoruba people require 40 tubers of yam on the engagement list, don’t start questioning why the yams must be 40, it has been that way before your great grandmother thought of conceiving your grandmother, if you really want to marry the girl, bring the yam and stop asking questions.

    • Ada

      June 17, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      How about you go read a book before asking me stupid questions. Did women bearing their husbands name come out of nowhere? Does someone have to put a gun to your head before you realize the decision you are making is a controversial one? I am so tired of you guys pulling the “we have more important issues to talk about”. You don’t get to tell people what is important to them. If you didn’t like the topic and you thought it was unimportant you should have skipped this article. Clearly you sat down and wrote paragraphs for an unimportant issue and wasted your bloody time. Until women are not automatically expected to take on their husbands names or vilified for wanting to keep their names, it will be an important issue for most of us. For every era of womans rights, there is always a group of you trying to dictate what people should and should not talk about…. When the suffrage movement started, there were women like you who thought womens right to vote was unimportant because there were more important issues…please dress one side abeg.

    • Ada

      June 17, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      and if I go by your logic and silly analogy using yams ..why are you also here asking questions, trying to change status quo “Why a man will be considered for a job before a married woman…how women can get into male dominated professions” yada yadada.
      Did anyone put a gun to women heads to stop them from entering male dominated fields? Is there a law that states married women can’t get a job. It has always been that way. If women don’t like the way they are treated in the work place, perharps they should leave the work alone. Men have always earned more. Why are you trying to change it.

      Aunty do you see how stupid your logic sounds? perhaps you should log off

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 8:37 am

      Girl, you rock!

    • Red

      June 18, 2016 at 2:00 am

      As usual. A man coming to tell women what to focus on. The women fighting against FGM everyday, they will not see. I hate people like you. And I hope that when you choose to speak against the oppression affecting you, a white man will tell you to focus on better things.
      Mansplaining, miserable, misogynist twat.

  26. LEM

    June 16, 2016 at 10:12 am

    I have no problem with women keeping their names after marriage, hey its your choice and between you and your hubby. I also know of tribes where women keep their names, infact where my mum is from, women do keep their names (though my mum decided to take my dad’s name). My problem with this article is that you try to sound like women who do take their hubby’s name are mere properties or appendages passed on from ‘daddy’ to ‘husband’ and that is why those against you will attack you. It is no big deal please, it is not new and people really do not care. Like Kelechi said improve yourself, contribute something tangible to the world than trying to defend your not taking your husband’s name. Its not that serious,

    • True

      June 16, 2016 at 11:58 am

      Yeah, I totally agree with this. Ozzy, there’s really no need to come out and explain/defend your personal choice in such strident terms – it’s not new and it’s not that serious (by the way, I would think that your identity as a person is much bigger and greater than your father’s name). I think women should never be pressured to change their names after marriage, and I am actually thinking of keeping mine, but the tone of the article is just unnecessarily defensive.

    • Ada

      June 16, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Are people not usually defensive when there are attacked? Wether you like it or not name changing happened. because womenare seen as property, just like slaves. Ozzyetomi reserves the right to defend her choices

    • Yep

      June 16, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      @Ada, you just hit the nail on the head with your first statement. Exactly… she wrote this like she was being attacked. But no one here attacked her… that’s actually the point. Regardless of the original reason for women changing their names, the fact is that Ozzy owes no one any explanation for her choices. She and her husband are happy with it and that’s what counts, not what random people in society might think. She really doesn’t need to defend herself.

    • Ada

      June 17, 2016 at 1:17 am

      No! Did you see the part where she said people around her refused to accept her name change and will not address her by her maiden name? Isn’t that disrespectful? Truth is the Nigerian society is not very accepting of this type of decision… As you can see from the comments.And this article was pulled from her blog. It was not written for bellanaija

  27. KacheeTee

    June 16, 2016 at 10:23 am

    Ultimately, to each his own and whatever floats your boat. I think more Nigerian women are actually retaining their maiden names or hyphenating, not because of some kind of feminism but more for practical reasons such administrative hassle – from changing passports to changing bank cards and email address. You need to create time for all of that.

    The trend I noticed therefore is many people change on social media like Facebook, to show they are married (and maybe consequently make their husbands happy) but then their passports still bear their maiden names. That’s sort of like a win win.

    Here’s the article if you care to read: The Social Media Mrs: Taking your husbands Last name only on Facebook

  28. Puzzles

    June 16, 2016 at 10:27 am

    If you want to take ur husband’s name, fine
    If you don’t want to, fine. Just ensure your husband-to-be is on the same page.
    There are successful women who took their husband’s name e.g. Uche Pedro
    There are successful women who retained their father’s name e.g. Angelina Jolie Pitt
    There are successful women who are known by their own name and chose not to use their father’s or husband’s name and they achieved their own success e.g. Kajol

    Point is; do what you and your husband are comfortable with. If your fiancée wants you to take his name by fire by force, either you comply or you end the relationship. No be by force.

    As for you people saying “the guy paid bride price, paid for wedding, so why won’t you take his name?”, how much is the bride price sef? How many places do they charge high bride prices?

    For your information, nowadays, most weddings are equally or even more funded by the girl and/or her parents. Some ladies from tribes where they pay high bride price even give the husband-to-be the money to pay their bride price. They just keep quiet about it so that nobody will insult the man.

    As for me, I love my name and my surname, however, I don’t think I would mind changing my surname to that of my husband’s, afterall I must love the man very much to be marrying him.

    • Tosin

      June 16, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      Re: Puzzles – yikes, she may have changed it, but i still haven’t changed her surname in my mind. sorry. she’s a grown woman i’d be embarrassed to change her name.
      Re: purple babe, below – i love my daddy. i see where you’re coming from on being interested or not interested in your own inherited name.

      i’m actually loving the debate here.

  29. Liya

    June 16, 2016 at 10:52 am

    Great women like joke silva have never come out to discuss why they choose to keep their name becos there there’s isn’t a need for it. If u and your hubby are ok with it, why come out and make noise about it? U can choose to even pay “groom price” and move him to your house, it’s nobody’s business. Don’t come and look for young girls that you will corrupt their minds Abeg.

  30. prof

    June 16, 2016 at 10:55 am

    Who forced you to marry? Or how did you marry? I hope an alien or some came from the sky and gave you a people some different vows the day you married. Stay outa marriage if you ain’t ready for what comes with it! It’s not by force! What’s with the name anyway????? The only female name I know aside my mothers name IS FOLORUNSHO ALAKIJA! Name with money. Not some wanna be that I can’t even find on google.

  31. Didi

    June 16, 2016 at 11:17 am

    When your name is a brand, we’ll understand the need to keep it or add your husband’s name to it., we’ll understand why you are so particular about the name you choose to keep. Just a quick reminder, it’s your father’s name, not even yours, so stick to your first name, then we’ll know you’re serious.

    • LEM

      June 16, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Erm @ Didi, remember even the FIRST NAME was not her choice. So to be truly independent go to court get your OWN CHOSEN NAME.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 8:25 am

      Omg!!! I can’t believe you at all. You’ll understand when her name is a brand? Why are you assuming your understanding is important. Lol. This is why she said Nigeria is a closed minded and misogynistic society. So her choice is irrelevant because her name is not a brand? And what about the hundreds of Nigerian women marrying men whose names have achieved nothing? See how closed minded you sound? If you have nothing well thought out to say, just be quiet.

  32. purplieciousbabe

    June 16, 2016 at 11:29 am

    Not bothered,
    I have never been bothered and I wont be.
    The most important thing in marriage for me is a selfless dude that has a good heart , respects women, decent and together we can make things happen for us, the community and the world at large.

    Surname has never been my issue. Just making sure we are faithful to each other and know our boundaries and morals plus leaving a legacy! That is my vision and dream.
    Sorry I am not interested in this part of Feminism jargon.
    If it makes any difference, I am not keen on surname nor attached to my Dad as such to have strong feeling about it. if I had the money to waste now, I will change my name sef without a hubby. I fancy the surname ‘Williams’ lol.

    I didn’t realise it was a big deal really. I never considered my surname as identity as such. I much rather be known for my attributes although I guess your name is your brand, In essence, I dont use my surname on any social media accounts so there u go.

  33. amy

    June 16, 2016 at 11:31 am

    no name change for me

  34. Teez

    June 16, 2016 at 11:46 am

    After all said it still boils down to one thing; just do you and be relevant.

  35. Ann

    June 16, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    First of all, this girl wrote this for her personal blog, not BN so you guys can save your “why are you writing this just do you” speeches.

    2. She’s not answering her mother’s name because she was born into the name she has now without being given a choice. Don’t be stupid. She was born with this identity and has carried it for most of her life.

    3. You know that name changing was not our culture? it was brought to us by the white man when they colonized us and it has a very sexist history too. They gave their wives AND slaves their last name to signify that they now owned said entities and that the said people now belonged to them. This made it easier for the husband to inherit all the property that the woman brings to the marriage since she’s basically property now all that she’s bringing belongs to him too.
    Seriously, google it. It was never our culture. This name changing thing is NOT Nigerian culture.

    4. She’s not forcing you to change your name so I don’t understand why y’all are getting so defensive.
    This is what works for her and her husband.

    5. How much is bride price please? In most places fathers even reject bride price so what are you lot saying?

    6. That’s how you lot were insulting chimamanda but she’s still rocking her marriage, carrying her last name, being referred to as ms. Adichie, winning awards, popped a baby out, and you’re still here drinking Panadol for a husband that has never complained.

    • le coco

      June 16, 2016 at 1:08 pm

      my dear Ann.. u have sense.. GOd bless u…. for those saying tht we r trying to be western by keeping our maiden name… please refer to Ann’s post.. number three to be precise

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 8:15 am

      Where have you been all my life? The comments on this thread are so disappointing I was heartbroken that only too few people “grown ups” are capable of using their minds.

  36. Alex

    June 16, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    I honestly do not see anything wrong in keeping your own last name after marriage. In the end it is a personal choice, as it affects no one accept you. I am married and have chosen not to change my name, because my dad has no other children and because I am not comfortable being addressed by another last name. I have decided to keep the name which i identify with. Sometimes i may attach my husbands name to mine with a hyphen, but officially I don’t think I will ever change my name. I have no interest in that. You people commenting are very bitter, closed-minded Nigerians. if you do not agree, move on. If your argument is not sensible or tangible, resist from pressing send. It is no by force to comment on posts you know. The writer’s article makes sense and if you do not see her point, then move on. She’s also not trying to impose her ideologies on any of you.

    • Really??

      June 16, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      Wow… so only people that agree with the writer are allowed to comment on her article? Whatever happened to healthy debate and respectful exchange of views? If you had said that people should refrain from being rude, that’s fine, but asking everyone that disagrees to be quiet is unreasonable. This is a public space and people are free to share their views, whether or not you like or agree with them.

  37. Jalord

    June 16, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    External ideologies wan kill Nigeria and Africa at large. From Islamist, Feminist, Christianity, baby mama and daddy.
    Point of correction, Nigerian women started voting and driving at the same time with their male counterparts. No one stopped or deny nigerian women rights to education or social benefits. Stop blackmailing men. We are all in this quagmire together and no gender is excluded.

    I have no problem with women questioning some traditional or cultural norms, But they must also understand that if they themselves are going to change then the men will have to follow that path.

    There are so many things men do in relationships or even marriage that the society think they should do but we don’t moan over it.

  38. mrs chidukane

    June 16, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    My problem is when people also expect you to change your local government area of origin. What’s that? I don’t get it. I love my husband’s name and I took his first name and surname because everyone has the same surname but I don’t want to give up my hometown and local government though everyone says that’s what should be but I disagree.

    • KacheeTee

      June 16, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      I’m with you on this one! I def don’t understand how people suddenly think your state of origin should change!! It’s pretty absurd. It says origin not state of marriage. Lol

  39. Babym

    June 16, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    What I find very annoying about articles like this is that u make it sound like women with traditional views, or women who don’t reason like u do are oppressed and reduced to bottles of whiskey! (Not even ace of spades or Dom perignon lmao ?) Chai we have suffered! U insult us finish and show u r more emancipated and what not than we r, then u come and add ‘do me and imma do me’ (side eye) ! There is no do me and do u here, u have put urself and ur views on one kind annoying superior ground. Congratulations on keeping ur name but don’t u DARE try to diminish those that have changed their names to property! Such drivel! Nansense.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 4, 2016 at 12:47 pm

      What is it about writing ones opinion you can’t get into your thick skull. How is she diminishing anyone by writing what SHE plans to with HER own life. You probably thought you made a meaningful comment when you really just made a fool of yourself. Stop embarrassing yourself. 😉

  40. Tosin

    June 16, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    Not a big deal: it’s your life, it’s your name, it’s your choice.
    … it’s not the practice all the time everywhere – not in Christianity, not in Islam, not in Nigerian history – to start jumping about adopting boy’s name.
    So whichever one you like, you do.

    For those oyinbo (American) people who have the tradition of changing and who decided not to change, they report challenges e.g. not quickly being recognized as the parent if they don’t share a surname…
    I would want priority on naming children, as per na me born them nah, you are just the helper 🙂 but if i was a guy i’d offer a different argument and get naming rights lol. Names are important, names are magic, …
    Me not changing, except if it’s like, I dunno, omo Bill Clinton because who no want betta brand? But they don’t have a son sooo.

    I already have the best name in the whole world lol.

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 16, 2016 at 2:49 pm

      I’ll rubberstamp that.

      Wifey can call herself whatever she wants, it’s her choice; but the kids gast bear my last name – Prince Egghead and Princess Egghead. ?

    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 9:46 am

      we’ll kukuma fight and end up naming them sinhead / eggin / egg-toast 🙂
      just kidding. but we know names matter 😀 can not start a child out with one anyhow oriki, truncating their destiny loool

  41. Philippa Faluyi

    June 16, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    ” In an old fashioned and closed minded society like Nigeria”…… That’s uncalled for regarding your origin and names from the Nigerian society. I don’t know if you are a Christian buta good percentage of Nigerians DO love God and if you love HIM, you’ll obey HIS commandments. This issue on having the same name is biblical and an idea from God.marriage on earth shows the union between Christ and his Church through the union of a man and a woman. Thats one of the reasons why we are called Christians. We are redeemed and delivered through that name. In the case of marriages on earth, it shows the power of unity, togetherness and vision. And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.”- Genesis 3:20. If your husband is a Christian, he has the right to name you and from reading your article, his actions are known. In all, put God and HIS words first. They are everlasting. Women are equal in men in being but are different in function. That’s the only difference. We are all branded by God.

    • Chichi

      June 16, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      How does your husband have the right to name you? No where in the bible or in the chapters you quoted does it say anything about changing your last name to your husband or being named by your husband.

    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 10:01 am

      hmm Bible don enter!
      who Jesu Kristi marry? wetin be Mary papa name? na where una see Mery Joseph inside Bible? in fact, na how many marriage you see inside from cover to cover, if no be the kings wey dey marry official-official and with plenty concubine sef. for Bible time, after you ‘know’ yourselvs and born, you don already de-facto enter family tree as a toko-taya / husband and wife. abi wey all dem certificate, ring, white dress, small chops , and white cake – anyway dey fit dey underground museum sha if you visit that their side make you check.

      not every tradition is Biblical abeg. Jesus Christ was poor, Nigerian Christians today are prosperity-loving. Jesus Christ died young. Nigerian Christians say it’s not their portion. Jesus Christ had no distractions from his ministry. Nigerian Christians deal with real life and mix their faith with practicality as much as they can…

  42. Lol

    June 16, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    I Dont wantto sound rude. But we have to stop listening to these women who have only been married for ten minutes.
    Flexing for us then do something else at home.
    I’m not even going to comment on the surname thing because I Dont care.
    But I know one woman will go home and start fighting her husband because of this blog post.
    Please do what’s best for YOUR marriage not what writers tell you.
    Seek advice from couples who have been married over 30 years. Way before TV came to being.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Now this mentality is a HUGE part of the African problem. If our elders are so wise, why is Nigeria, as wealthy as we are so poor and backward? It is time for a new way of thinking. By your logic, we might as well make Obasanjo president again.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 4, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      You’re irrelevant. The length of a marriage doesn’t really mean its the best marriage. It’s her choice. Shes not rallying anybody to join her. Shes just writing what she feels. Youre an example of the ignorance we have in this country.

  43. Hanee

    June 16, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    It’s a free world. You can bear any name you like as long as you are happy with it. Some us are not even bearing our real surname like my cousin from my mother side bearing the same surname with me just because the want people to believe we are siblings now we understand better so we can’t wait to drop it. Mrs Ozzy do what you feel is good for you.

  44. Roma

    June 16, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    Nice topic! To each is own, i have always wanted to change my last name immediately after getting married; but my thoughts changed when i lost my day in 2012. After getting married in 2014, i decided to combine my maiden name with my husband’s last name.
    I have told my husband before our son was born that our son lasts name will be both of our last-name together. Mind you, he pays for everything.
    Some Nigerian women have been bearing their maiden names for ages, it has never been a topic. This new generation intellectual want to make everything competition between men and women. All is well.

  45. essyo

    June 16, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Oh the problems of the rich/middle class Nigerian women …
    Feminism is fighting for the female child selling bread in the market to have the right/resources to go to school instead of hawking all day .
    The luxuries of life.
    PS Changing one’s name after marriage is not really one of life’s problem but I enjoyed how the writer flawlessly and eloquently expressed her opinion

    • tatafo!

      June 17, 2016 at 4:54 pm

      If only I could like this 10000 times!

  46. soonmrs

    June 16, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    My husband to be has told me no attache that I will have to take up his name fully and I don’t mind. I love him and I’m happy to be his wife. Love you baby!

  47. [email protected]

    June 16, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Lol what a timely topic we were just talking about some TV anchors in the country I work in who got married dropped their fathers name on screen and fully took on hubbys name when they came back to work after honeymoon. Unfortunately one marriage packed up six months later the girl now went back to her maiden name you should have seen the tweets epic! lol. The other packed up less than a year later at least she was smart enough to just add the husbands name so it was easy to drop. TV/entertainment women have you people not learnt anything from CNNs Isha Sesay, Hala Goranni, Amanpour and them happily married and yet keep their names. Personally my name is my brand i do not care how much i love you i am keeping it. Women in Greece are required to keep their names by law, Muslim women keep their name, South American women and the spanish speaking world keep their names. The British are the ones who passed on this husband name taking thing to their colonies. The history of which was you as his wife was part of his property counted among his land, cattle etc yes you were counted as property of the man hence had to bear his name to show belonging.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:52 am

      Thank you! You have no idea how refreshing your comment is.

  48. Nonamespls

    June 16, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    This was not a conversation i had with the boo while dating, i was sure i would change my name immediately. I must be one of the social media Mrs, cos i did add hubbys surname to mine. And immediately did change of name( that stuff i read in punch growing up and always thought someday that would be me!!). That was where it ended, the hassle of changing names on certificates etc choi then Nigerian passport ppl did not make it any easier i heard i would have to go to Abuja .. I have jejely retained my maiden name , we never speak about it but i think hubby has accepted it .he got me on my birthday and it was registered in my maiden name same as all my bank accts. only time it gets annoying is when i am travelling with the little one and i am asked to provide proof he is mine! And being the scatter brain that i am, most days i dont have his birth cert with me.

    • Tosin

      June 17, 2016 at 10:12 am

      “only time it gets annoying is when i am travelling with the little one and i am asked to provide proof he…” this problem can be solved (with electronic tech or without). i wonder why we’ve not had the will to solve it.
      i think i don’t even have a birth certificate lol
      random: who has seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 ? (see both 1 and 2 please). anyway in 2, nah don’t let me spoil it for you. certificates are just certificates joo. always hated paperwork. people trying to control where you can go; what you can do.

  49. B.E

    June 16, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    absolutely fine to decide to go with whatever you want however, it seems like from my interpretation of your writing, that you are trying to defend the choice.

    If you are 100% comfortable with your choice, why defend it and to whom?

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:48 am

      To the people who do not respect her choice! Lol as if that is a mystery in Nigeria. Take a look at this thread for example. The people who roll their eyes, and continue to address her as she said she doesn’t want to be addressed. And finally, to let others out there who feel the same know they are not alone.

  50. Bcga

    June 16, 2016 at 10:32 pm

    What will Gbemi Olateru Olagbegi do now? ?

    Social Media feminism is littered with hypocrisy, just like every other things in life. Nonetheless, we should all be feminist.

    In a world where some women, perhaps due to their reckless adventures in the past & associated consequences in the present , are writing blogs on how they don’t want to have kids even as married women with a man who wants to, this article doesn’t bother me a bit.

    Times are changing really fast, I will advise single men and women alike out there, please TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING before you proceed.

    To each man his own.

  51. Tunmi

    June 17, 2016 at 2:20 am

    Funny seing this article here. This particular issue became the demise of my last relationship, and it was a good one too. We got through religion, he’s Catholic and I’m not religious. We got through kids, if we would have them and how many. We could compromise on where our work would take us. But on this one, he wanted me to take his name and I didn’t want to.

    • kudos

      June 17, 2016 at 8:49 am

      kudos to you
      You are not ready for anything my friend

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      And you’re ignorant. You’re not ready to get out of your ignorance. Her marriage is probably 1000x better than yours will ever be.

    • sass

      June 17, 2016 at 2:55 pm

      Your ancestors have you on lock down boo boo kitty.

  52. Wale

    June 17, 2016 at 3:39 am

    ?

  53. whoever

    June 17, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Lovely write-up, I have a few questions though:
    1- How does this equate with Feminism?
    2- How does taking your husband’s name remove your Identity?
    3- If he changes his surname from his parent’s would you adopt His?
    4- What’s the big deal anyways about surnames?
    5- Times are changing? Yes but why should our Values? If they have to, on what grounds?
    6- What is bad in taking on his Identity and blending it with yours?
    It’s more of Identity than Ownership.
    Ultimately,every relationship is dynamic in its function, what works for A might not work for B.
    for every single person, discuss this and more while dating and be sure of what you want….
    Do all you can to be comfortable, and happy in your relationship.
    God be with Us all.

  54. Ajay

    June 17, 2016 at 10:26 am

    from
    Not taking up surname to
    Not taking state of origin to
    Not a fan of being called Mama X(mostly first child’s name)

    Who really cares, there are more important things to write about, not like this is not important to you but still, we(I) don’t really care
    I’m of the opinion that who don’t need to justify to the world, and start causing katakata in a young confused lady’s marriage.
    Do what suits you and your husband abeg

    Ladies, give guys chill pills, we are not all the enemies

  55. Tolu

    June 17, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Dear writer, I don’t care whose name you choose to bear but do not refer to the Nigerian society as old-fashioned and closed minded. You’re a Nigerian woman too so don’t be condescending…

    • Ese

      June 21, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      To be honest the Nigerian society is a closed minded one with a few exceptional people who have embraced open mindedness. The average conversation about issues not relating to marriage can emphasise this fact.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:42 am

      You do not think Nigeria is a closed minded society? Your comment is proof that Nigerian politicians are even less than half our country’s problem.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 4, 2016 at 10:39 am

      But thats exactly what it is…as depicted in most of the comments above. Just look at the comments of the user “You know What”. She is the epitome of the close-mindedness and old-fashion we still have in this country. Also its not bad to bash on your country once in a while. Lastly, its her mouth, she can say what she wants. You’re the one who came and wasted your life reading from beginning to end. 😉

  56. emma

    June 17, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    i won’t take on any man’s surname. I am not his property and I refuse to be branded like a cow.

    • Chi

      June 17, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      . Let us not forget that this is the same society in which women once were not allowed to drive, vote and work, amongst other extinct traditions. …………………this is one of the reasons people hate feminists, they lie for Africa to justify their hypocritical victim hood behavior, when has Nigeria ever stop women from voting, driving and working?

    • O_o

      June 21, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      Lol. You’re already “branded like a cow” with your father’s name. By your logic, you’re a man’s (your father’s) property.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Having the brand/tag of a parent who birthed and raised you is not the same as bearing the brand of another full grown adult as one’side self, related to you by just partnership, one that could end at anytime. Does a husband raise his wife? Before you talk about bride price, not everyone accepts it either.

  57. Say the truth

    June 17, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Cool story bro

  58. Ese

    June 21, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Might I add that your name change or the refusal of it has nothing to do with feminism. It does not even border on the principle of Gender equality.

    • Phoenix

      July 2, 2016 at 7:35 am

      And who determines the principles of gender equality? That is what it means to her, it is her principle.

    • rainbowmonkey

      September 4, 2016 at 10:41 am

      Except it does. Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. Its her social right not to take her husbands last name. Get a book and educated yourself before you embarrass yourself on social media. 😉

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