Connect with us

Features

About That Curvy Life: Dating While Fat – 6 Reasons Why Plus Size Dating Can Be Daunting

AboutThatCurvyLife.com

Published

 on

dreamstime_122231531

AboutThatCurvyLife.com is here to expose all the problems curvy girls suffer from with a dash of humour and a whole lot of truth.

Dating is not for everybody, the dressing up, the effort to maintain a witty repartee, the awkward should we or should we not kiss and of course the inevitable lulls in conversations. Dating however, becomes that much more difficult when you are plus-size. The initial meet has to be one of the most nerve-wracking moments when you are a ball of insecurity and anxiety over your own body identity issues let alone having to introduce somebody else to them. Then there are the misconceptions which inevitably come with dating a bigger girl. The sad and misguided ideas that bigger girls are somehow more grateful or easy to please, from offensive assumptions to overly excited family members. Here are the reasons why dating plus-size can be a drag and ways to avoid them.

1.    Your Body Can Be Fetish-ized

Well, there is nothing worse than being leered at by a relative stranger throughout the night. It’s a given that people are attracted to different body types and types of people and whilst there’s nothing wrong with that, it crosses over into creepy territory when you become nothing more than a mere sexual fantasy as most big girls have experienced. Being attracted to plus-size people is great (there are even BBW strip clubs and parties available in America, where else?!), but valuing them simply becomes of their weight is when a problem begins to arise. It’s not contributing to body positivism or being forward or free thinking, if anything, it’s dehumanizing and not something that we should stand for. Insecurity and confidence issues may lead big girls into unhealthy relationships with such men who seek only to feed their fetish rather than value their partner for who they really are. When dating, be wary of men who put so much emphasis on your weight and how your body looks. There is a fine line between appreciating a woman’s body and fixating on it and you will know when their attention begins to make you uncomfortable and don’t be afraid to address it.

2.    Guys Automatically Think You’re Easy

Us Big Girls, are desperate right? Most assume that big girls don’t get much attention and would therefore be grateful for whatever scarps are thrown their way. As a result, some men tend not to make much of an effort either with their appearance or their delivery. As far as we are concerned, we are just lucky that they even showed up. This gratitude, as far as they are concerned, more often than not must be shown through sex and therefore many assume big girls are easy. This idea that plus-sized individuals are only in relationships because they’re more open to having sex is completely wrong and beyond offensive. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who believe this stereotype, and I’ve been on more than one date which ended before it ever really begun because my companion thought buying me food and paying a few half- hearted compliments meant they were entitled to something afterwards.

3.    Picking The Right Outfit Can Be a Nightmare

Well even the most fashionable of girls can have a hard time getting ready for a date but factor in hiding our lumps and bumps, struggling into our shapewear and making sure there’s room for the inevitable ‘food baby’, getting dressed doesn’t seem so simple. If you wear something too tight or revealing then please refer to point number 2. However, if you wear something conservative or loose-fitting you could be misconstrued as a prude, and worse still a prude who is ashamed of her body which people can be just as mean and judgmental about. So how do we strike the right balance between sexy and subtle? What about when you were something that your date doesn’t consider ‘appropriate’. Well I choose to squeeze these thighs into a mini skirt or a pair of leggings, you are just going to have to deal with it. Like most women, wear something that makes you feel beautiful and above all comfortable. The only way you will be yourself and get the best out of your date is by being comfortable and at ease. Don’t let anybody dictate to you what you should and should not wear, on a date or anywhere else for that matter.

4.    People Think That You have Low Standards

There seems to be a misconception in pop culture that if you’re plus-sized then it’s impossible for you to have high standards because hey! You get it where you can find it right? Wrong. Don’t be that person who make baseless opinions because of your own small- mindedness. The logic behind this is I guess if somebody had high standards, they would not be overweight in the first place because the standards they had for themselves would also be different. While this doesn’t make any amount of sense to those of us with half a brain, it still seems to be a concept most people don’t understand. Just because I’m overweight doesn’t mean that I set the the bar low, my weight is not a consequence of my devastating lack of care for myself or anything else for that matter. I take pride in my appearance, I dress well and I take pride in pretty much all aspects of my life and I expect my partner to do the same. Don’t assume that my weight makes me a second class citizen, it’s your sheer ignorance that makes you more-so.

5.    You May Feel Uncomfortable Ordering Food

This may have to be one of the most irrational anxieties in the world but sadly, it’s a reality for many plus size girls and under the scrutiny of a date, it can be even more so. If you order what you want, you worry he may think you’re being greedy but if you order a salad or something equally as scanty, you may be judged for being that ‘fat girl’ who’s trying to lose weight, but if you order a burger then you’re the ‘fat girl’ who would be better off with a salad. So what do you do?!! Well, you order exactly what you want to eat of course. The key to dating is to be your authentic self and not put on any airs or affectations that you may not be able to keep up over the course of the relationship. Don’t overthink the situation and don’t feel like you can get inside your partner’s head and see what they are thinking. Just go with the flow and if anything makes you uncomfortable or have any second thoughts then trust your gut. If you relax, the real you will shine through and you will be surprised that dating can actually be fun.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

51 Comments

  1. Jade

    July 15, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    As a plus sized girl i found that guys mostly asked me out after we have been friends for a while or if they assumed they could get help from me financially. when i met my fiancee i really liked him and i acted like i just wanted a fling but he saw beyond my orobo and helped me lose weight!!!!

    • bruno

      July 15, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      he encouraged u to lose weight wow he is a keeper. he truly cares about u and ur health and well being. thank god u are not deceiving urself calling urself “curvy”. u have admitted u are fat now the next step is losing that weight which u are already doing. I’m so happy for u. if u really want to lose weight quickly, stop eating meat.

    • Bodunade

      July 15, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Guys not asking you out immediately is a bad thing?? Some people like to take their time. Even lions don’t just hunt, they watch their prey first, study them!

      The struggle is real for BBws and pear shaped women. I can’t even imagine what slim women with large posteriors go through. Everybody just trying to smash.
      Glad you are with someone who loves you and makes you feel good about yourself.
      Invite me to the wedding.. I have this yoruba demon agbada I need to wear.

  2. Chi

    July 15, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Interesting read . I Think all of these have possibly happened to me before.

    The most important thing is being confident in who you are. One of the quotes I live by is : “if you don’t like something change it.”

    Weight loss has been such a struggle for me, I have PCOS. And my man is forever on me about gym all day. My dad however takes it to the next level he has been fat shaming me my whole entire life.

    I wouldn’t say I neccessarily have a hard time dating though. I always get chose. Even when I come to Nigeria people flock to me. I just would say people like what they like and there are a whole lot of negative stereotypes.

  3. Rinn

    July 15, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    The fetishsised one definitely. I don’t like the way men who like plus sized women fetishise them asif they’re a special breed of cow or creature and they deserve a medal. Meanwhile fat men finding love isn’t the same thing. Then the class of VERY many men who actually are attracted to plus sized women but are ashamed of it; ashamed to own up to it or act like they like their partners in public- meanwhile in private they’re all over their fat wives and girlfriends. Which is why the public still get stunned when they see a fat woman’s pee wedding photos, meanwhile behind closed doors men loving fat women is very normal

  4. Nahum

    July 15, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    Dating as a plus sized lady was hard o. But I just had to dig deep and love myself because these men were coming just to chop and clean mouth. Hubby loves me as I am, he encourages me to be healthy but does not berate me. You just have to love yourself first.

  5. Ada

    July 15, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    I think different people have different dating issues and some of the issues listed above cut across. I have marks on my skin, marks on my leg, mosquito bites me black spot, sand fly black spot, anything at all, black spot, my legs were disgusting even to me. So…. dressing for dates were a nightmare, when to show my legs were an issue, liking dresses made me wear dresses a time or two. You can guess how that went.

    I was expected to have low standards too. I mean people with hot legs aren’t all taking and you with the bad skin wants to start forming for guys that manage to ask you out.

    In the same vein as having low standards was the jump into bed with me expectation. Come make I close my eyes chook you as nobody bo wan come near you cause of your skin.

    I was self conscious for years I started relationships online which ended or started to end when they met me face to face. As a result, I started covering my body! Trousers everywhere, long sleeves clothes as well. After many many months of covering up, I looked in the mirror one day and black spots were faded! And no new ones were forming. That’s how I figured out the answer. I had to hide my skin to protect it from all the things that would leave black marks from mosquito bites to sand fly bites to dirty water. My skin isn’t bad anymore, its not perfect but no one will look and call it bad,

    Some of the reasons above aren’t peculiar to fat people, they are really for people with a variety of physical issues. My albino friend faces many of the issues mentioned!

    • Ada

      July 15, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      Too many typos. Pardon me people, I would normally write better.

  6. Bodunade

    July 15, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    Bonita Applebum you gotta put me on

    Hey Bonita, glad to meet ya
    For the kind of stunning newness, I must beseech ya
    Hey, being with you is a top priority
    Ain’t no need to question the authority
    Chairman of the board, the chief of affections
    You got mine’s to swing in your direction»
    Hey, you’re like a hip hop song, you know?
    Bonita Applebum, you gotta put me on

  7. Lyea

    July 15, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    I read this and just felt sorry for big ladies. …as if being single isn’t stressful enough…..it is well….we’ll all get there eventually by Gods grace.

  8. Mo

    July 15, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Really good piece. What’s the sixth reason?

  9. Queen Bee

    July 15, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Well in my case i guess i have been lucky with men, tho some were all after my body when all he says is omg i love your body i love your curves, i just fled. But i have always had people come to me on the first sight and they actally did like me, i have never been turned down by any guy i like because i am plus size or felt like my size was in d way of me getting a man
    I have always been a plus size, what havent i taken? well it made me drop from an 18-14 but my fiance will always tell me dont go too skinny i love these flesh.
    I love my curves i just need to get this tummy down, its almost like i have been dieting all my life, this week diet next week diet kilode,
    What annoys me most is when people see you eating chicken, skinless chiken oo and they say ahan arent u on diet u should be taking pap im like is this one mad, what do u know about diet.
    i never used to like myself and even till now i still feel inferior sometimes but the men i have always been with have always given me more confidence, they tell me my body is amazing and i am pretty , and even tell me skinny girls envy me(tho i know its not true) So i dont see it as an issue, love your body and loose some weight if that will make you happier. I AM PLUS SIZE AND I AM FABULOUS

  10. @edDREAMZ

    July 15, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Pls drop that plus size and call it the real name which is FAT GIRLS…
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • GTFOH

      July 15, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      ode pls go back to your creche blog LIB and stop acting a nuisance here

    • aj

      July 18, 2016 at 12:08 am

      lmaoooooo olodo

  11. Mr. Egghead

    July 15, 2016 at 4:26 pm

    Don’t conflate curvaceousness with ‘fatty bumbum.’ They are not the same thing and the line is very thin.
    It is doubtful whether men actually have a fetish for fat women. Most who I’ve seen only go for them with ulterior motives – money, legal papers or the wham-bam-thank you ma’am. Never seen one who likes/dates the plus-sized woman because she is plus-sized.
    Even African men who like their women big (allegedly) don’t like their women fat. Same goes for the prehistoric men who somehow associated huge( or skinny) body mass with a decrease in fertility

    TL;DR: men loving fat women is not “very normal”

    • Teni

      July 15, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      Shows how much you know. There’s a derogatory word for them that I won’t use but yes, there are men who are specifically attracted to chubby girls. And not with ulterior motives. Just like they are some who like big butts or bow legs.

    • Rinn

      July 16, 2016 at 12:50 am

      You just showed how you always lie and pass your personal biases as fact in a desperate bid to lose weight. And babes will be agree in and hailing you after you’ve insulted women and feminists now fat women too. Admit you don’t like fat women and move on don’t be forming up logical reasoning behind it.

    • Nahum

      July 16, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      Thank you. Trying to pass off his personal bias as a fact. If that were the truth, I would still be single, so obviously you are a liar

    • californiabawlar

      July 16, 2016 at 1:09 am

      Hian! How don’t know how you can blatantly lie that you don’t know any men that like big girls? ahn ahn!! Even when I was younger and In uni. in naija, I had a group of 8 male friends and 2 of then had open preferences for big girls. We all threw lighthearted shade them for being ‘greedy’ back then lols.
      Later in life I met a guy who would meet a girl he likes and if she wasn’t ‘big enough’ he would literally proceed to fatten her up. One time I was stalking him on facebook and saw he had a ‘new’ girlfriend. Omo! I clicked on her page and was checking her out…this babe had gained like 50 pounds in less than a year!
      Maybe guys don’t tell each other these things. One of my guy friends asked me to hook him up with an orobo friend he met at my place. I firstofus asked about the shanko babe I had seen him with a few months before and his response was that he couldn’t visualize her as a ‘mom’ so he just let the babe go jejely. I then proceeded to give him her number…after I smacked him upside the head for dissing the slim chick of course. Guess what? They are getting married next week and I’m giving a toast at their wedding! 😀
      Physical attraction and love is one thing that can never be swept with general statements.
      And dude, making people feel bad for whatever reason that doesn’t affect you in any way is either a sign of low self esteem on your part or indicative of some sort of psychopathy.

    • sane

      August 1, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      I am Orobo too. Do you have any male friends who like orobos? i ll make good company at that wedding BTW

  12. Cocky

    July 15, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    i love my women plus-size with no big belly…

  13. amaria

    July 15, 2016 at 5:49 pm

    All true!! No 1 being the creepiest! It’s amazing how married men like to approach orobo girls too…very off pissing! Then no 5 is so true..ordering food outside is one of the hardest things to do if u r big…

  14. Bodunade

    July 15, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Mbanu, Mr Egghead, this your POV is twisted.

    When people pass theories on prehistoric men as dogma or truths to suit their arguments, Smh. Just wild guesses by Oyinbo people.

    Curvaceous, fat, lepa, they are all adjectives. People fall in love, shikena
    Your argument enforces the mentality that plus sized women can’t be loved which is absolute nonsense.
    We really need to move past meaningless stereotypes.
    I’m usually part of your voltron but in this I will pass, lol

    • Thatgidigirl

      July 15, 2016 at 7:42 pm

      Mwah!!! Kisses!

    • Mr. Egghead

      July 15, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Ha!
      Bodun, read some of the other comments na.
      There is a difference between
      a.) loving somebody BECAUSE of their body weight/shape.
      b.)loving somebody DESPITE their body weight/shape.

      The first one happens easily for the slim/curvy but the second is what I’m speaking of.
      So you see, plus size women can actually be loved. The very first poster(Jade) spoke of her hubby who loved her and “saw past her orobo.”
      Besides, disregarding science as “wild guesses by Oyinbo people” is not cool.
      You’re actually reinforcing the wrong stereotype when you say that fat = curvy

    • Bodunade

      July 16, 2016 at 5:06 am

      Yes, you, because I usually agree with what you say so I’m trying to understand your POV.
      Is it really science? We evolved from monkeys, is that really science too? Because we have different theories and scientists for or against.

      Water is wet, heat is hot, that’s science.

      ‘Fat’ is sometimes subjective, those you see as fat are seen as thick by others. You make it sound like Jade is an exception, she is not.

      Love is love, it doesn’t have to be about or despite their bodies.

      N:B
      There is a difference between fat and morbidly obese (which is unhealthy). So yes fat can be equal to curvy.

    • Bodunade

      July 16, 2016 at 9:05 am

      BN swallowed my epistle ??
      @Mr Egg

  15. C'est Moi

    July 15, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    Bella Naija, there are 5 reasons listed in the article, not 6. Change the title.

  16. BlueEyed

    July 15, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    Plus size dating? Child plz……how bout “dating” generally ?? And for the myopic ones body shaming, aren’t plus sized ladies getting married everyday? So plz this is 2016, there’s no such thing as “plus size dating”
    PS I’m not Plus sized, I’m just conscious of the fact that the world has moved on from that kinda thinking, anybody and eveybody can find love.

  17. Short nigga

    July 15, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    Considering I get body shamed or height shamed by women constantly. This article just makes me laugh. Such hypocrisy. Women body shame short dudes like me all the time, one look and i’m already judged. There was even an article here on BN where the ladies here just unnecessarily mocked short dudes – i will get the link later on. That wz like 2 yrs a go or sumfin. Now i guess most of y’all are now married and your tummies have started protruding, you now understand how it feels. Y’all make me sick.

    I can’t feel appreciate no fat chick cuz if the guy waz fat and short y’all would be saying disgusting things about him as if its socially acceptable.

    The difference b/w the fat b**ch and the short dude is that the fat one can hit the gym, she can diet and loose that weight but y’all just too freaking lazy. Only if i could do something bout ma height.

    • californiabawlar

      July 16, 2016 at 1:19 am

      Oya sorry….sending warm fluffy juicy orobo’esq hugs your way.

      In all honesty I was with you until you started using bad language. I know, being a short man definitely takes confidence, but a lot of men overdo it and it becomes a huge turnoff. You come across as one of such men. Don’t become the very thing you hate about the society.
      I recently got played but a short dude! I was extra pained because I was just using me as ego booster. I was here thinking, yeah he’s short but he speaks really well, he’s christian, great sense of humor and a nerd. But from where I’m standing now it looks like he only stepped to me just to see if he could get a girl like me. he did his thing, we rolled together for like a year and then he did me dirty…chai! I never esperred it…I mean, we are no longer in sec school…but I guess some boys never grow up.

    • "changing moniker"

      July 17, 2016 at 1:43 am

      I see what you did there

    • Naijatalk

      July 17, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      Really, some boys never “grow up”
      Intended or unintended shade?

    • DoroAnon

      July 16, 2016 at 7:51 am

      Short people and their heart of unforgiveness

    • Bodunade

      July 16, 2016 at 8:57 am

      @Doroanon, that was so unnecessary!

    • memebabe

      July 16, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      and what do they say about short guys being over sensitive ?
      you could have made your point without cursing but you couldn’t help yourself ..psfft!

    • Naijatalk

      July 17, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      The same can be said of fat girls being overly sensitive. Do not diminish his struggle. They are just as real as that of fat girls and you are by your statement reinforcing the short men stereotype, totally uncool.

    • Miss Mo

      July 16, 2016 at 6:56 pm

      Pls Short Nigga, how short are you?

      Eya pele, this made me feel for you while reading. Must really suck.

  18. Awiase

    July 15, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    I disagree with some of you and I would tell you why respectfully.First of all there is always someone for someone.I don’t believe in dating someone who would encourage you to lose weight or do something because you aren’t like he/she wants.I believe in someone who loves you like the way you are and would just encourage you as the years pass by to eat healthy and exercise too.Because I know someone who ‘married’ a big lady,tried to get her to lose weight in the early stage of the relationship and she failed to and then had kids too so she became very,very big!!!.Guess what,the guy looked down on her and would tell her flat that he needs a trim slim lady to go to club with not her.Sad!!!Also one of my exes wanted me to be hairy which am not and was always pressuring me to grow more hair which was impossible to just please him.I was glad cos of these reasons when things ended.I have been fat shamed since time immemorial but had people making passes at me each time,am curvy,tall and hippy.I lost weight as my decision and some wouldn’t even look at me whilst some salivated over me.Now am just in between not too skinny and not fat too size 10/12.So I would say there is always some one out there for someone regardless of color,size etc.I personally know men who love plus size,men who love women with lots of acne!!!yup!!Everybody doesn’t have to be thin neither should we all be big..We should be what we want to be!!!

    • californiabawlar

      July 16, 2016 at 1:31 am

      Size 10/12…those numbers are heaven for my figure! you see…this sisteh get bobbi…I need to keep those hips and some ‘back fat’ for alignment! Plus with exercise, I can eat whatever the fks I wants and not be bothered…as long as the food doesn’t contain fats that will clog my arteries or give me diabetes, na to dey chop dey go! I have never been fat shamed…or maybe people try but I just no get shame ;-P

  19. DoroAnon

    July 15, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Hiannnnn Ogah oooo! me I’m fat.I want to loose weight? I’m trying hard. In uni bae dropped me off as usual he would watch me go thru the gate b4 he drives off. this day I was abt to walk tru d gate he called my phone.I picked he asked y am u loosing weight hope everything is OK? ? I said I’m fine. in my mind I said Egbami see this man u r my happiness I don’t feel hungry when I’m happy aside,u are a hunk then I should be by your side like a bag of potatoes shei . Back to the matter I used to be an emotional eater when I’m sad I eat, depressed I eat , stressed I eat. but now I realise eating doesn’t solve anything.

    • Bodunade

      July 16, 2016 at 4:46 am

      Commenting this reserve
      ??

    • DoroAnon

      July 16, 2016 at 9:25 am

      Bodundade stop trailing me ?

    • sane

      August 1, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      This must be true love

    • Bodunade

      July 16, 2016 at 10:01 am

      ??????

  20. olushola

    July 15, 2016 at 11:52 pm

    i don’t know what to say but i think this is quite an unfair post. P.S: i am a slim lady!!!

  21. Jojononz

    July 16, 2016 at 7:58 am

    For me ooo, I have always been chubby, curvy ,fat or any other name you can tag to it and believe me having a man has never been a problem………Ladies, cleanliness is a must for everyone whether big or small, dress smart and trendy, above all wear your confidence on your shoulders and sleeves .(my 2 kobo).

  22. Black swan

    July 16, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    Very poorly written, all the same she made a few points.

  23. "changing moniker"

    July 17, 2016 at 1:48 am

    Fat isn’t equal to curvy. Curvy can be (rudely) regarded as fat by some and as “curvy” by others.
    Equal to means the same as.

  24. Yummychickcummummy

    July 18, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    OK. What abt dating underweight… Lol….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php