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Peculiar Okafor: How Long Should You Live a Life Filled with Regrets?


 on“My life is filled with regrets” – These words seem to be echoed by a lot of people.

It’s not uncommon to hear seemingly successful people, make statements like ‘I had an abortion when I was 19 and I can’t forgive myself’. ‘I’ve done things I can never forgive myself for’ .

These statements are made despite the fact that God has forgiven us and tells us that he will remember our sins no more.

What about those of us that refuse to forgive people and insist on reminding them of their past errors and mistakes?

I once had a long conversation with a friend of mine who insisted that he couldn’t marry a woman who has had an active sexual past. A summary of the conversation is as follows:

Him: ‘I can’t marry a woman who has had a very active sexual past. These things matter. I mean, I don’t want to go out with my wife and another man will have seen what I’m enjoying’.

Me: Life is a marathon and people do a lot of things in the path to self discovery. The past is the past.

Him: My dear, let me be honest with you, most people don’t say what they mean, just to be socially accepted. A woman having a clean sexual past speaks to her integrity.

Me: So picture a 28 year old female, MBA holder, mid-level management, excellent fashion sense and a clean corporate and social reputation. If you find out that she had a wild sexual life in her teenage years, does it mean she doesn’t have integrity?

Him: Well…..

Me: And if God has forgiven her and doesn’t remember it anymore, who are you not to?

Him: silence…… I just know what I want in a woman.

(And to be honest, he is entitled to want a particular type of woman.)

This was the conversation however, that got me thinking about guilt, regrets and the paradox of it. If we really believe God forgives us, why do we not forgive ourselves and hold on to pain and regrets? Is it the part of us that believes we should pay for our sins?

Do we believe it makes us better to be bad people, if we beat ourselves up and live in guilt? That way, we show that we did not just brush it off and move on.

When we err, we are required to seek forgiveness and change our ways not live in guilt.

Those of us who choose to remind people of their past, just know Kim Kardashian is on the cover of Forbes and Oprah, got pregnant at the age of 14.

God forgives us when we ask and his only demand is that we seek his grace not to err anymore. If God says you are forgiven, you make him a liar by refusing to forgive yourself or others by constantly seeking to remind them of their past.

Go out there and win.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. Bodunade

    July 15, 2016 at 7:01 am

    Calling Kim Kardashian and Oprah Winfrey in the same sentence is a sacrilege. Who cover of Forbes help?? Oprah Winfrey has helped hundreds, maybe thousands of girls achieve excellent education. Kim K??

    What your friend said is what most Nigerian men think but are afraid to say. Like he also said it’s an integrity/trust issue.

    We all have regrets. I mean who doesn’t, right??
    Solution :
    Talk about your past, hide nothing. If they won’t accept you the way you are, you bounce. They are not meant for you.

    Example :

    There was this chic I met sometime ago, we were trying to build a relationship.
    We were talking about sex and she was about to start telling me how her ex (who she’s still very close friends with) used to use viagra to have sex with her and how hot the sex was.
    I froze, I was speechless for a few seconds then I got really angry. I told her that babe, I don’t like that kind of talk, it’s not proper (to me), I’m not comfortable with knowing how your best friend( ex) is good in bed. Please have some secrets or pretend to be you know.

    She didn’t understand my reaction and refused to see my point. Anyways, when I calmed down I appreciated her openness. She was an open book. But we had so many differences we couldn’t really move on from there.

    we showed our true selves. Her openness, my reactions, my openness, her reactions. We couldn’t quite accept our flaws but we saved ourselves a lot of time and mental torture.
    Nothing should be forced. Don’t be with someone who won’t accept the full package!!
    Regrets round 2.

    • Tosin

      July 15, 2016 at 10:34 pm


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