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Anne Mmeje: Our Billionaire Relatives Have No Obligation to Give Us Pennies

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dreamstime_m_13458691I jumped out of my bed to write the first sentence of this post moments after I learned that my friend, E, earns ten times what I make. E works hard. Inspired by her success, I took a small step towards realizing my dream of establishing a side hustle as a freelance writer. But it is not often that this happens –  a friend’s success pushing me to work harder. Sometimes, I feel entitled to a slice of a friend’s or relative’s pie. This, when I didn’t lift a finger to help them bake it.

Blame the society that raised me.

Years ago, when I was growing up in Nigeria, a certain millionaire (read billionaire; there were only few millionaires then) in my community had a brother who was a carpenter and who didn’t own a car. My community considered it an anomaly.
While writing this post, I Googled the millionaire, and his images, featured in both national and international magazines, came up. I sent a text to my brother: “What does so-and-so’s brother do now?” “He’s a carpenter,” the reply came. I felt differently than I did when I was growing up. This time, I felt a certain respect for the carpenter–a man who didn’t feel entitled to his brother’s wealth.

If we all reason like the carpenter, our wealthy relatives will have it easier. They don’t at the moment because of the expectations the society places on them. Besides taking care of their parents’ and siblings’ financial obligations, well-off Nigerians are also expected to help extended family members, old friends, acquaintances, and strangers. At fundraising events, unsolicited accolades like “Chief Launcher,” “Chairman of the occasion,” etc, are bestowed on them to shame them into making donations befitting of their status.

As a result of the many requests they get, our wealthy relatives cannot realistically meet every need presented before them. Yet, when they decline some requests, they are perceived as bad Samaritans indifferent to the sufferings of their neighbors.

I feel particularly sorry for some wealthy friends who feel misunderstood. So I put myself in their shoes and articulated five reasons why our billionaire relatives are not always able to come through for us.

1. They Do Not Have Sufficient Funds
People’s financial responsibilities are proportionate to their wealth. Big man, Big Trouble.  Sometimes we miss this point and so struggle to understand how our wealthy relatives, who indulge in luxuries, can look us in the face and tell us they don’t have enough resources to accommodate our basic needs. In essence, we expect our wealthy relatives to lower their standard of living to accommodate our needs. But do we set this same standard for ourselves?

Let’s take you, for example. Despite your “economic hardship,” you still spend more than N3000 on airtime monthly. But do you know that as I write this, there is possibly a man in your state who has been in prison for years because he cannot afford to pay a N3,000 fine–his sentence for stealing a goat from his neighbor. I met such people who couldn’t afford their freedom, valued at a couple of thousands of Naira, when I did my National Youth Service in Katsina State between 2008 and 2009.

If we won’t cut our coats according to these prisoners’ sizes and run to the prison to set them free right now, then, it’s unfair to expect our wealthy relatives to cut their coats according to ours.

2. They Receive Thirty Other Requests for Every One We Make
We are not the only ones who remember that our relatives are in a position to help. Just as we think that we should have priority because we are their siblings–from the same father and mother, aunt Jane also thinks she is the most deserving of the poor because she used to give our wealthy relative pocket money when our relative was in boarding house.

So next time your billionaire relative tells you that it will take two months before he honors your request, Please be patient till he ticks the name above yours off the list.

3. Our Requests May Be a Luxury Even Our Relatives Cannot afford for Themselves
Most wealthy people became rich by being frugal, by saving for the rainy day. While the rest of us cannot resist the allure of immediate satisfaction, the rich are masters of the art of delayed gratification. Even when they are super rich, they drive old cars and haggle better than the best of us.  I know one who makes six-figure salaries in dollars who nevertheless braids her own hair and cannot be found with a jewelry that costs more than $10.

Given the above analysis, you see it’s unfair to tell your relative who has one child by choice to give you school fees for your five children.

4. They Work Harder Than the Rest of Us
A few years ago, a friend of mine, Ima, visited U.S. from Nigeria to see her parents. During her visit, after seeing her elderly mother, a nurse, braced snow in the East coast to go to work. She told me she wished her relatives in the village who got money from her parents knew how much her mother suffered to make the money. If we knew how hard the rich worked to get where they are, perhaps we will feel less entitled to their money.

Many Nigerians in diaspora, for example, clean human waste, dig graves, etc–jobs most of us will turn down our noses at– to make ends meet. Last two months, I met one who told me he was sleeping in a church because he couldn’t afford a home. But I imagine that while he struggles to find a roof to keep over his head, his people in Nigeria are already telling him what brand of laptop to send them.

5. They Too Have Their Own Crosses Which We Cannot Carry
Crosses come in various sizes and shapes. If ours is poverty, our wealthy relatives’ could be infertility, a disabled child, a difficult spouse, etc. If we expect our rich relatives to help us with our financial burdens, then except we find ways to make their crosses lighter, we are being ungenerous.

To be sure, we are better off as a society when the rich are sensitive to the needs of their less privileged  brothers and sisters. A child’s moral obligation to take care of his aged parents, for example, cannot be dismissed even under the guise of individualism. Nevertheless such help extended should never become the norm that when not given is considered an anomaly.

Success is the Best Revenge
Still want to get back at your “stingy” relative despite all I have said? Strike out on your own and succeed. There is no revenge greater than success. You can do it. Success is 99% perspiration. Every other thing, including the help you would have  got from your billionaire relative, accounts for just 1%.

Photo Credit: Paul Hakimuata | Dreamstime.com

55 Comments

  1. Mystique

    August 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    The sense of entitlement Nigerians have is so irritating…….. as if they helped you get your job or gave you seed capital for business. I’d help if i’m led but beyond that, everybody should carry their cross. No time

  2. Spunky

    August 16, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    I concur. Give when moved, receive with gratitude…most importantly, don’t feel entitled when help from a “wealthy” relative stalls(it is not your money).

  3. Weezy

    August 16, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    Good piece. But it is not just relatives who have expectations. What about friends? Luckily I have friends that don’t expect anything and I don’t expect anything from them. But there is some pressure (call it survivor’s guilt) to cover for a friend who doesn’t make as much as you do.

  4. Gorgeous

    August 16, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    Nigerians will be counting your salary, checking and savings account with you. They always forget to remove tax. So they begin to kill themselves when you cant give them all your money before tax. Why will i work so hard for you to throw tantrums on top of my money. How about you go and work for yours. Na wa o.

  5. Anita

    August 16, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    This piece is so wonderful. It relates to many people including myself. After my younger brother tagged it a waste of resources to train me, a girl in the university, I took it upon myself to train myself by taking up a sales girl’s work to prepare myself and doing home lessons for different families to make ends meet.

    After graduation, I was employed and decided to further my studies for a better salary package. Now, the so called brother who fought me at any given opportunity, supported by my mum hates me so much for not bringing my salary home for him and his mother every month not minding that I am now a mother also. They do not want to hear about my own family.

    I only render the help I can because I have my problems as well and still pay my school fees. They have even told everyone that I have money, that sometimes I cry at the rate of calls and demands for money from people they have told lies about me. Sometimes in the past, I took a loan from the bank to solve the problems of the numerous relatives. I was admitted in the hospital for high blood pressure the same year. Now, I am done before I die a premature death.

    • Tobenna

      August 16, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      I’m so sorry honey. You’ll be fine.

    • Ada Nnewi

      August 16, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      Don’t kill yourself oh.. they will dance on your grave if you do

    • Joke

      August 17, 2016 at 5:52 am

      Correct azonto is what they will dance and spit on your grave too! Me I no gree and I no care!

    • bert

      August 16, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      Nne if you really love yourself/life then you know what to do.. coz if you die now (God forbid) their lives must surely go on. Just think about it,they don’t even care about you (only Money) when you still alive think of what will happen if you are no more…na azonto dem go Dance for your head

    • Peace

      August 16, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      My dear in this life if your not dependent on God you can faint. Yes after revelation personally from God. Life life. Let there be peace in your Home.

    • Tosin

      August 17, 2016 at 10:15 am

      Ha, please lady, if you don’t want to give don’t give. In general, it’s godly to give, but not this wasteful giving to people you feel are using you – stop it now. Completely stop. No excuses. Next text the answer is sorry, I have no funds for your project right now. They’ll leave you alone and when you get some breathing space you can get together and work on a healthier relationship.
      Don’t use your own money to punish yourself biko why? Better to throw it away or give it in ways that please you more. Give me 😉

  6. Nahum

    August 16, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Ah, you did not even mention the relatives that will come and take your children’s clothes or even your own because they feel you can afford to buy more. All this taking is without asking o. “Give me this shirt na”, “this bag is fine o, give me”, ” give me this shoe na”, all the nice things you bought for yourself, na so they will clear you out one by one, expecting you to bring out money (from where?) to buy yourself more. Hmm, we need to change as a people.

    • El

      August 16, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      That’s small I went to visit a cousin once and all my clothes were washed and hanging in her wardrobe before the visit was over .when I was looking for something to wear she told me ahh I’ve already taken this set now .she bit you only need something to wear and travel back.in was really Upset!

  7. mrs chidukane

    August 16, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    A situation in which the whole family taxes themselves to send someone abroad and the person makes it so to speak and decides to eat and die alone? Anyway. It’s for those that have sense of entitlement.

    I believe we’re blessed to be a blessing. You don’t need to be a billionaire to help people. your time, advice, guidance, connection, can make a difference in people’s lives. In my community, the first to make money usually builds a very big house so he can at least provide good housing to his family and any relative who feels like moving in. It’s a thing of joy. Even as a single mom, many women with husband’s would come to beg my mom for feeding money and school fees. Some would come so she will guide them in business if they were in the same business with her. She gave when she had. When she didn’t she at least made sure they ate before leaving. I know some people will never be satisfied but sha do something as long as it’s within your power to.

    • mrs chidukane

      August 16, 2016 at 7:47 pm

      So many errors, bear with me.

    • artklub

      August 16, 2016 at 8:42 pm

      I don’t think the writer is talking about theses kind of requests. Talking about long-throat people who cannot cut size according to cloth and are mainly jealous. No one with pride and decency would want to be a burden on someone else. Not talking about emergencies….but people who covet what others have….

    • Joke

      August 17, 2016 at 6:20 am

      Why should so many people put their lives towards making one person successful? What if the person dies or goes mentally insane and rendered useless. My dad is somewhat a product of that. He had a hard start being orphaned young, but he found his way to England to better himself, but his dead mother’s siblings who gave him money and foodstuff etc as a young man never let him be when we returned to Nigeria. Because of how much foodstuff they wanted him to take care of them, their numerous children and more numerous grandchildren. He and my mum gave, gave and gave them, but it was/is never enough because they are too many in number and expect to receive without doing anything. Our culture encourages laziness, so I don’t condone it. I can give, but you will help me anyway you can too. Life is give and take. My grandfather was a dispenser and in his time when he treated people who didn’t have money, for a long time after that they would bring whatever they had like yams, palm oil etc to show their appreciation, these days of lazy, greedy chop clean mouth Nigerians, it’s different oh.

    • Anonymous

      August 17, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      Hmmmn.. A quandary indeed. I recollect that on a certain Sunday, as i headed home after mass i saw beggars on the road and after giving my widows mite i realized that it would not solve their needs and would for the most part tide them over to the next day. At that moment i felt so powerless and prayed earnestly for God to give me strength to work harder and be a blessing to my generation. It is an honor to give assistance to someone in need, As a daughter to an Igbo first son, i know first hand that people are entitled however this is not an excuse to refuse to lend a helping hand where possible. Also, i must condemn in entirety the attitude of Nigerians in diaspora who are very happy to sponge off their friends and relatives in an entitled manner when they visit Nigeria for holidays but cry blue murder when asked for any form of assistance by the same people.QUID PRO QUO. You cannot be more catholic than the pope, we are a family oriented people and all pretense at individualism often falls flat. My two cents, please disagree responsibly.

  8. WENDY

    August 16, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    This na topic for years. Naija and their entitlement is soooooooooooo irritating.
    People always want want want!!!! They want u to die on top giving them while they are there doing nothing.
    A relative once told me to get a better job. So that I can always dish out my money. Mind you this person does not have a job.
    Parents also do it. They feel that you entitled to them for bring you into this world. It is always me! Me!
    Sometimes, it is parents that push their children into runs, drugs, etc. they have 10 kids and put all the responsibility on the first child to raise them. They don’t care if that child have a job or not.
    The wife or husband of the main provider in the family becomes the enemy because relative no wan hear say priority don change.

  9. Mr. Egghead

    August 16, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    Every doctor/nurse in Amelika does not have money to burn!!

    • wendy

      August 16, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      They don’t want to hear. Na your own

  10. MizImani

    August 16, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    Love, love love this article!!

    I was complaining about this to a friend earlier this week. What particularly got me upset was an uncle telling me how he’d heard that I was paid millions in my work place and I am not doing enough for the family. When he saw my face, he goes further to remind me that “Don’t you know how much your father did at your own age?” ….I was speechless!

    My father sacrificed so much for his siblings and other relatives so that they would not lack, they would be able to help themselves, AND so his own children will not have the responsibility that he had. Clearly he was just thinking for himself, because his family members expect that his children take up the mantle from where he stopped. They feel sooo entitled to the salary that I am paid….only because my father helped them, so I too must help their children.

    They never jam!

  11. minister of rant Aka Aderanti

    August 16, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    A billion likes. This is our culture, to help everyone around us when we succeed. It has its disadvantages but that’s what it is.
    How can you be a billionaire and your brother or mother will be drinking garri because you don’t want them to feel entitled??
    Copycats stealing Oyinbo mentality hook, line and sinker without adjusting them to their culture or realities.
    We know you want to feel enlightened. Sie ba puo, gerrarahere Mehn shii

    • minister of rant Aka Aderanti

      August 16, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      @mrs chidukane

    • artklub

      August 16, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      No one said you should not dash your people something….

    • bert

      August 16, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      come down ‘mr rant’ you are missing the point

    • NotStoneColdSteveAustin

      August 18, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      I love your moniker. ???

  12. minister of rant aka Aderanti

    August 16, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    Thank you!!!!

  13. artklub

    August 16, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    Right now the “family” is the government. I strongly believe that one of the reasons why we have not benefitted from good governance, social service and infrastructure, is because we do not truly believe in government, we believe in family more….Let me explain: Most of the politicians steal for their people – the argument is let me get in there for my people, they steal and share amongst their family/village/tribe….that is mostly when you see development of an area. We do not understand the concept of social services, social security and social infrastructure, that it is our right to have this done by our government. We figure when our guy gets in there, he will get the money and share it amongst us….Unfortunately, our guys are not even using the money to develop their areas, they are just sharing some money. The moment that we can get some legitimate social services, security and infrastructure in, people will understand that it is their human rights – as long as they pay taxes and contribute to society – to have a government that works and look out for them like “family” and will subsequently lean less on their more affluent family members.

  14. lacey

    August 16, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    John12:8, you will always have the poor among you!Nobody forces anyone to give! I plan to give more!I will not take any material thing out of this world! The earlier people learn that the more you give,the more you receive,then the world will be a better place! I don’t feel entitled to anybody’s wealth,because the God that I serve owns the Universe!I am very obligated to give to those in need! I feel that is my calling! I like it when I put a smile on a family who would have lost hope and I feel that is my calling!With the present condition in Nigeria!Those who have surplus should help those need!So this write up for me does not make sense!

    • Ruth

      August 16, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      In my years of continuous human interactions I have learnt that Giving is a gift, kindness is a fruit of the spirit. It’s either you have it or u don’t. i agree some people take advantage of our tender hearts. But if u must give, do it cheerfully and give that which cost u sometin. It May be a sacrifice of your time, space, emotions, or physical strength. Remember to give that which cost u sometin. At all at all na him bad pass.

    • Ok

      August 17, 2016 at 5:45 am

      You’re not fond of making sense yourself

    • I_I

      August 17, 2016 at 8:34 am

      Aunty, if that is your calling, own it. It is not your place to be telling people how to spend their hard-earned money. I also have my own wife, children and parents to support – not every time, Uncle wants or Cousin is requesting . . .

  15. Peace

    August 16, 2016 at 10:08 pm

    This is an open letter addressed to God and I hope you all learn.
    Dear God thanks loving me and not want to see anyone one suffer. Thanks for providing seed so no one lack.
    Thanks for being a Father who warned cautioned about our neighbours yet we took them for face value.
    Thanks for reminding that despite caution was adhered decades ago your Grace helped.
    Selah!
    My people God provides for the lender but the borrower might not be grateful and be based on envy. They might also want to you to be a beggar. Yes my people.
    In life if you lack pray. God will drop info. If it’s to ask someone ask. If they refuse waka. Another idea go land. Fix your eye on God.
    The year I had to accept reality I wept wept wept Vampires….. Competition is real.
    Shine my eyes someone who can’t ask you. Say please for….. Watch out Pride!
    Weeping may endure for night joy in the morning
    Give your life to Christ. Monitoring Spirit!
    Love your self and don’t be a door mat

  16. Peace

    August 16, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    By the way questionable wealth some r cautious.

  17. Lou

    August 17, 2016 at 1:03 am

    “Many Nigerians in Diaspora dig graves “…….Seriously?

  18. Nunulicious

    August 17, 2016 at 1:14 am

    Hehehehehehe. Attention Bella Naija fam
    In responding to this article you should be
    1. A billionaire
    2. . Relative of a billionaire who has desired that a relative would lend a helping hand.
    3. Maybe a passeby who has the mindset of a billionaire. As in 1,000,000,000 multiplied by X. [N, £, € etc]

    This article does not refer to aspiring m(b)illionaires. So to each of you moaning about how relatives are trying to leech on your hardearned/inherited cash, take a chill pill.

    Biko can the real billionaires please stand up and tell us how they manage this? Asin billionaire….1,000,000,000 multiply by X.

    All the billionaires I know give, give and then give some more. They don’t hate on relatives/people scrounging for money cos they know they are custodians and not owners of the money. After all, if you don’t build house for them when you’re alive, what will happen to the money when you’re dead.

    @Mrs Chidukane your head dey there.

    • Nunulicious

      August 17, 2016 at 5:53 am

      Apologies for the typo errors. You sha get the gist…

    • Derin87

      August 17, 2016 at 6:49 am

      I think you missed the point. This has nothing to do with billionaires, if that is what you got from the message, perhaps read again. The writer clearly mentioned ‘Nigerians in diaspora’ as an example, are those one’s billionaire’s too? It’s about family and friends feeling ‘entitled’ to whatever you have whether you make 20k or 20m.

  19. Atukpa

    August 17, 2016 at 1:20 am

    This article is right on the money!

  20. Ruth

    August 17, 2016 at 1:34 am

    In my years of continuous human interactions I have learnt that Giving is a gift, kindness is a fruit of the spirit. It’s either you have it or u don’t. i agree some people take advantage of our tender hearts. But if u must give, do it cheerfully and give that which cost u sometin. It May be a sacrifice of your time, space, emotions, or physical strength. Remember to give that which cost u sometin. At all at all na him bad pass.

  21. adejoke adesina

    August 17, 2016 at 4:35 am

    You nailed this piece!

  22. Anne Mmeje

    August 17, 2016 at 4:35 am

    When I was writing this post, I worried that it would be perceived as discouraging charity. Far from it! I am a big advocate of the wealthy using their resources to help the less-privileged members of the society. I actually do believe that God makes wealthy people he trusts and believes would use their resources in the service of others. That said, in writing this post, I sought to present a singular perspective–that we be more understanding when the wealthy among us are not able to meet all our needs. In writing it, I also hoped to encourage those struggling among us and to make them realize that our success is mostly based on our diligence, and God’s grace, than by any external help we rely on. I thank you all for your contributions; it helps us understand one another better.

  23. mela

    August 17, 2016 at 9:11 am

    Was just telling my group of friends exactly this. I have very rich uncles but I have also told myself that they don’t own me any help. I would never be angry with them for not helping me. And I will still love them.
    This thought pattern has liberated them……God is my source not any man.

  24. Moving on Swiftly

    August 17, 2016 at 9:18 am

    That is how a colleague kept asking for me to loan him money. He reports to me at work but I try to encourage a rapport with the people I manage. He goes on to say after all I don’t have much responsibilities and I use my money (my hard earned money ooo) to travel a lot. I blasted him never to say that to me again and that the same way he has responsibilities I’ve got mine too.

    Another case a driver at work would keep hassling me for money for his children’s school fees or excursions or hospital bill or project fee. It was always something. A driver on 60k a month with 5 kids. One time I joked with him that he is Father Abraham. The guy told me that he loves children o, that he’s even thinking of firing his wife one more. Since then, I just grew a stone heart and would boldly tell him I don’t have when he asked me for money.

  25. DAME

    August 17, 2016 at 9:25 am

    I do not really have close relatives who can ask me for money cos they are way older, my own is the friends who think oyu should cater for them since you are working and they are not. Fine once in a while when i have to spare i can help but please dont demand like i owe you.
    A certain childhood friend reported me to our council of friends that i have never asked fro her account at d end of d month….i looked at her and told her off ..WHY? This is a girl that refused to take up a marketing job in d bank where i also worked an a marketer and now wants to eat from my salary of a job she deemed too tasking, aunty swerve

  26. hmmm

    August 17, 2016 at 10:05 am

    @dame hmm my dear, that is life for you..
    This article is so cool, when growing up my parents trained me to manage what I have, To avoided begging one aunty or uncle..
    But in life things get tougher so once in a while you seek for assistance, if they give you say thanks ,if they don’t you pray for them..

  27. demashi

    August 17, 2016 at 10:23 am

    “he that waters shall be watered” – Proverbs 11:25. It’s a blessing to be in a position to give and the benefits do outweigh the costs. However, one should careful of those who want to freeload, who just want to latch on one’s generosity to make unnecessary demands. The billionaire does not necessarily have to fund his carpenter’s brothers lifestyle but can contribute to his business in some way. I don’t support the notion of being wealthy without assisting those in your household in some way, it might be demanding sometime but it’s worth it eventually. I learnt from my Dad who tried as much to assist his half-brothers as he was the most successful even though they didn’t fully appreciate him. Also being the first working graduate in the family, i realised I needed to contribute to the family and to the glory of GOD my brothers are all by themselves now and well-to-do.

    However, watch out for free-loaders, those that only remember you when they have a need. Like one, who last week was sending me quotes cos I told her I couldn’t offer help immediately and had to discuss with my wife first. She sent an idiom and I fired back, does she expect me to leave my kids school fees and other family demands to satisfy her “desperate” need. She either waits in line or forgets it, as I don’t owe her anything – someone who hasn’t had the decency to say hi 4 years up till now.

  28. mia

    August 17, 2016 at 10:28 am

    i read a story of a guy who sent his friend a text message highlighting the many challenges he was facing in his home and solicited for the friend’s help. the guy moved with pity sent him some money to manage as he was not buoyant at the moment. he got a message from the friend some minutes later saying he got the alert but the money is not enough to solve any of the problem he’s facing. what do you call that?

    • shield

      August 17, 2016 at 11:04 am

      GREEED! INGRATITUDE! If na me, never again. What da bleurry heck?

  29. Adio_Braimoh

    August 17, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    The philosophy of life is “rub my back make I rub your back”. Don’t expect goodies where you didn’t contribute.

  30. Yummychickcummummy

    August 17, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    Hmmm. I v like so rich family members, but I dnt feel entitled to thier wealth… Because I hate being embarrassed. It is when things r worst dt u will even know m broke.. I rather drink my Garri… Well, I guess dts y i get gifts from them unexpectedly and they even make me important by carrying me along in their life n if I dare ask, they will settle me fast cos they know water Don Garri niyen …Lol…

  31. Asake

    August 17, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    I grew up in a family that is well balanced i.e every class is present.. One or two family members have had the entitlement behavior surprisingly not to my side sha – My friends sometimes tease me that as the last born, my siblings must be settling me.. For me, my parents “removed” the entitlement behavior from me – My dad is very upfront on what he owes you as a parent and he will hardly move his goal post – which forces you to be responsible and only bite what you can chew while my mom is able to guide when I am not sure if I owe this person or this person owes me.

    To be honest, we are all human.. so give when you can… if you know someone has an entitlement behavior you are unable to address – give the person in bits… Also, be open minded, it is not every-time that an entitled person call you that they are asking for money.. learn to priority, learn to say no kindly, learn to love and learn to give genuinely

    “Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one’s] hope ” Q 18 V 46

  32. ngozi

    August 17, 2016 at 4:39 pm

    very very accurate and interesting piece. As i experienced this in my family, uncles, cousins and aunties want to take all your hard earned wealth, even though you still help them as much as you can, some will go as far as juju just because they are greedy. May God help us.

  33. Ameria

    August 18, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    A friend once called me to send him money because his job was not paying and his wife just had a body. he was found of always asking for a raise even before the baby. I was moved but explained to him that I was a full time post grad student, with two kids and hubby was carrying all the bills. He didn’t allow me rest o. Had to come off a bit strong. This same sense of entitlement caused a big ish in my marriage. Hubby’s sister was schooling and he needed to be sending about 3m quarterly. Business went really bad his family felt it was the wife that blocked their atm. the showed me nine nine before I entered my terminator mode. we should learn to be as independent as possible so that when we need help, people can genuinely rally round to us.

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