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Girl Spice: Tell Them, ‘Boy Bye’

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dreamstime_m_6931822Today I woke up in the early hours of the morning and for the first time in ages I don’t wake up expecting to see a missed call from you.

I give myself a mental pat on the back. “Good girl!”.

Sounds like a stupid thing to do for such a trivial thing yea?
But the thing is: THIS, is a big deal for me.

I’ve come a long way. I’m not all there yet, still some work left to do, still some healing left to do. For instance, part of me still cannot believe this is happening, still cannot understand why you left, still cannot believe you did that which you said you wouldn’t do.

But……
I’m a long way from the day you left me hanging alone at the edge of the cliff.
You remember in the beginning, I warned you not to play with my heart, it was funny then. We laughed about it, but here we are today.

You did it
Without flinching
Without blinking
Without remorse

There are days when I want to hate you, say hurtful things to you,Just to make me feel this pain a little less
But I don’t let myself dwell on those thoughts too much or too long. I brush them aside.

You know why?

Because I cannot let you steal another piece of me
I would not let you steal the goodness in me
No way I’m going to let you steal the God in me
So baby, I wish you well
I wish you a love greater than that which I felt for you

Good health, long life, a good life, a good wife, beautiful kids, Plenty of money.
I wish you all that and a lot more.

You know those places we went together, those things we did together, there are times I don’t want to see those places or want to go near those places.

But I push myself because I cannot let you steal those things from me.

I will still go to our favourite places because those places were favourite to me too.

I will still kiss in an elevator tomorrow

I will still give big long hugs

I will still love like I did you

I will not let you make me say “Never again”

I will let this heart love again.

I will let this heart love another

I will let this heart love like it always does: wholly, completely, selflessly, with complete trust

Just like a child.
You stole some parts of my past
I cannot let you steal even a drop of my future
I’m sorry babe, I cannot let you into my tomorrow
I love you, loved you but in my past you will remain
I am not saying I’m there yet but I’m trying, will keep trying even if it’s the last thing I do.
To get this behind me and move on
Time they say heals everything.
Time does not lie.
I have yet to see time fail me.

So Ex number 1, number 2, number Xn …. This is my goodbye to you.

Photo Credit: Phrysphotos | Dreamstime.com

Girls spice is a girl like any other single girl living and working in the nation’s Capital. She believes in love. Not just any kind of love, the type you see in fairytales. She considers herself an incurable romantic and writes anonymously on https://dairyofanincurableromantic.wordpress.com

45 Comments

  1. Katiana

    August 30, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    This might have been for me but sadly, I’m the weakling that can’t say ‘boy bye’. Still intend going back to a lover after discovering he dated my younger student back in secondary school.
    The main thing is; he is a married banker; imagine.
    How did I get here?
    I was transferred to a semi remote area to work and this bank manager seemed like the only intelligent person to have a good conversation with, I needed someone to be a friend but now I’ve found more than I can handle.
    Where did Katiana the good girl go to?
    This is not me but I cant stop, too much has happened, too much to lose.
    I am failing God, I’m failing myself.

    • mela

      August 30, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      Hi dear, Dnt destroy ur life with the wrong decisions. You will live in regrets later in life.
      The best advice is the one you give urself. You are stronger than you think

    • Bodunade

      August 30, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      Glad you are getting the validation you were seeking. You only live once. Married men are definitely sweeter. Anything that makes you happy. Congrats baby. Muah

    • nene

      August 30, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      just look at what you wrote. and you will go to church every sunday

    • Wahala

      August 31, 2016 at 9:59 am

      Nene! Sarcasm anyone? C’mon!! Where’s your British wit?

    • Yeyeperry

      August 31, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      He’s being sacarstic.

  2. Tochi

    August 30, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Please don’t give in. I know how you feel. It might feel good in the short run but eventually, you will still feel empty and trust me, a part of you will be lost.

    God loves us and he has the best of plans for us. Don’t break his heart and don’t disappoint yourself. Stay strong. E-hugs dear.

  3. CHIKA

    August 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    I actually wanted to simply go back to work after reading the beautiful piece but seeing your comment made pause to type. See dear Katiana, you can do it, I did and so you can, you can say that big No and be the good girl you are and stop failing God, stop failing you.

    In losing, we actually gain all and win all.

    Been there, done that and realized losing your goodness for all that nonsense is not worth it at all.

    Please make that huge turn and take 1st right step towards being the good girl you have always been. Just reach inside of you and bring out the goodness.

    I only thank God I’m alive to tell my story and reach to someone like you in need. God bless you dear.

  4. tunmi

    August 30, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    ???????
    That pat on the back is real. I have learned that it will take roughly the same amount of time you out in to forget or cut cleanly with the person. With my ex of 2 years, it took 2 years despite me knowing this relationship would not be long-term. Now with this ex of 6 months, I am at 4 months post-breakup and I can truly affirm that time heals all wounds. Just to be able to wake up and not have him be the first thing on my mind is amazing enough. Slowly but surely, progress is being made.

  5. Ufeoma

    August 30, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    What to say

  6. Pam

    August 30, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    Katiana honey u can do it. I had this friend who was engaged to some other lady. what we had graduated into something deeper than we knew. He eventually married the said lady a year later but i stayed. He showered me with love like he wasn’t already taken. Marriage didnt even make his attitude towards me change but i knew i had to run. I shud never have gone on with it knowing he was engaged, worse off now that he’s married. It was a battle but i cut him off. Its one of the hardest things i’ve had to do in life but i did it anyway. Nobody said it’ll be easy but it’s possible. It’s time to let go…

  7. gini

    August 30, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    It ain’t easy buh it’s definitely possible. Still on the journey through buh then am filled with so much regret. I don’t even know whose fault it was… and fear of the unknown is consuming me. am just living it as it come though. I pray God sees me through. Katiana, you’ll be fine.

  8. Ufeoma

    August 30, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Just found out my husband is still madly in love with his ex. After three kids and six years of marriage. His ex is also married as well with kids.

    • mela

      August 30, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      Love is a decision….I wish ur hubby will know that. I pray you people will weather through the storm.
      I know is nt easy for you….be strengthen!

    • Gorgeous

      August 30, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      Sorry about that. But there is something terribly wrong with your husband. Since the ex did not marry him, why the hang up? I sincerely hate people who keep pushing for a love interest that does not exist. It shows the person is not mentally all there at all. Once someone chooses another over you, except you are a beast addicted to torture you really should leave the person alone!

      I am fighting with several of these situations. Ex’s married and telling me about love this and that. Were they mad when they got married??? I realize a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons and couples do not talk to each other sincerely before marriage. One who was married just recently told me he’s ready to die for me if need be. Lol. This is someone I have never reciprocated love to. His poor wife must be in hell. I wouldn’t date someone who was hung up on another, not to talk of marriage. I won’t even marry an active two timer. I guess some women were side chicks and got the ring and thought they won. 🙂

      As to the issue of Ex’s, it never worked out for a reason. Please keep ex’s outside where they should be. If they are trying to force their way in, please block them. Nothing has changed trust me. If they were meant for you, you both would have worked hard to save the relationship and would not have broken up! Pick yourself up and move on quickly! But with caution… Do not let an ex back, period!

    • Mz_Danielz

      August 30, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      Nne, don’t feel sorry for his wife oh. He probably worships the ground she walks on. I’ll die for you is just yarns. Ask him for millions now and hear him mention family challenges or agree to date him and start taxing him silly( and I don’t mean 100 or 200k oh, I mean ask him for good money and watch him hide behind his wife to run away)

      Btw, Bella, this stories of moving on from a bad ex, being strong, wife not cool etc are becoming boring. It’s impossible to believe women past the teen years are still stuck in this nonesense, they break your heart, move on.

      I know topics like this generate huge comments (I’m commenting now abi? ) but it becoming cliche and Mega boring. Tx for listening

    • Gorgeous

      August 30, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      Lol, you assume that he wont because you as a wife thinks that your man cannot genuinely be in love with another??? As to the 200k yarns, my dear he offered to send me money!!! A lot more than he gives his wife i am sure. The reality is there are men like this, who marry women who were not their choice. You better face it. Its true. Dont force a man to marry you, or marry a man hung up on another! I am not falling for anything, i chose not to accept his many marriage proposals before he got married! Got it?! Not every one sees the first marriage proposal and jumps on it. lol!

    • Ufeoma

      August 30, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      @Gorgeous, I did not force him to marry me. It was a long distance relationship so I did not even know about the ex until the marriage was concluded and one baby had arrived, you case is very different so don’t compare.

    • nene

      August 30, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      gbam

    • Lily

      August 30, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Ewooooo! Aye ma le o!

  9. Great Lady

    August 30, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Beautifully written Spice girl. I absolutely love this, its helped in no small measure.

  10. Billionaire baby

    August 30, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    Pls post this… I know I’m off topic but I need advice and opinions …I wish sex lasted long btw I and my husband. He can’t last up to 15 mins… Sometimes 10 mins is even a problem. And my husband cannot go two rounds, once he does a round, he’s done for the day. The worst is when I ride him(top position) he doesn’t last at all. In fact we avoid that position cos it’s too sensitive for him. I once read a remedy about using ginger to enhance sex life. Has anyone tried the ginger method on their man and how do u ladies get ur guys to last long. I feel like our sex life is dwindling because of this issue and secondly my husband doesn’t know how to do foreplay, he just wants to penetrate immediately. Also how can one enlarge his organ, my husband was huge when I met him (claimed he was taking enhancement vitamins) but now, he shrunk and is almost small in size. How do we correct this? Also is it normal for newly married couples (less than 2 years) to be having sex 2/3 times a week , sometimes once a week. Is it supposed to be more frequent? NB: we have no kids yet. I’ll appreciate mature responses. Thanks

    • Dr O

      August 30, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      Hello billion baby, your husband has premature ejaculation and there are several causes. Could be psychological or medical. They include; hypertension, diabetes, hormonal imbalances, excessive alcohol intake, smoking, long sexual abstinence, new partner, anxiety, depression, chronic body pain, excessive masturbation, fear etc, just to mention a few. Your husband needs to see a specialist (urologist) to be properly screened to know what exactly is causing his. It’s not something you guys can handle on your own. However, there are some steps that he can take that can prolong it. You should try and read up kegel’s exercise on line, pause and squeeze technique, use of condoms etc. There are also some medications that can be prescribed to help him but that will depend on your dr. Don’t want to listen any here without a proper evaluation. As for sex 2-3 times weekly fir a new couple, it’s no big deal. It’s normal for some couples to have a higher libido than others. Some couples can tolerate sex everyday non stop, while some just 2-3 ve weekly. It’s no big deal. It’s also possible the once weekly may be due to the sexual issues your husband has. He may shy away from sex as he knows he won’t be able to satisfy u. Bottom line is getting examined by a specialist. In addition, I can understand how frustrating the issue might be for you but you need to be patient with him to overcome it. I wish you both the best ? *ignore mistakes*

    • Seriously

      August 30, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      I’m not a sex therapist neither a marriage counselor. But I’m thinking these questions should be for your husband. If you want him to last longer, can’t you both discuss how to satisfy each other and last longer. If top is too sensitive for him, try other positions. And if he took enhancement pills before, ask him why he stopped and if he get back on it since you prefer his organ bigger. He doesn’t foreplay, tell him you want foreplay before penetration. Ginger is suppose to help with sex drive. But I believe there’s a lack of communication between you and your husband which is where the solution will come from.

    • Gorgeous

      August 31, 2016 at 3:54 am

      Lol, you know average sex lasts about 5mins right? You are obviously not too sexually experienced. Your husband is trying going 15mins. You have no problems at all. Enjoy your home and stop looking for trouble. Heck a lot of men go for 2mins. Lol. See people’s problems sha. Just try to make the most out of your 15mins by maybe doing foreplay first!

    • Pompey

      August 31, 2016 at 9:41 am

      @Gorgeous

      I’m waiting for the day I will see you respond to someone’s comment without this condescending tone.

      Girl, we know you got your life together and you’re so wise and so gorgeous (as your name suggests) and so sought after and so heffrytin beaurriful…but you need to STOP trivializing people’s issues and stop making your experiences the yardstick for all.

      Girl, BYE!

    • yea right

      August 31, 2016 at 9:27 am

      Do you have a job? Are you in Nigeria? Because im wondering after facing all the hassles of lagos, one man will now be disturbing me to go 2 rounds. MADAM 2X OR 3X in a week and you are complaining??? See wahala

      Dont you have other things to do with your time, its to siddon and be waiting for 3 rounds of sex daily. Hian. When there are hungry pple to feed and lost souls to inspire.

      Please leave the man alone biko. 15mins and you are complaining. The dude is a champ!

  11. Ej

    August 30, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    Pls don’t say it’s boring a lot go through pain of a breakup and still can’t move on, it’s not easy especially if u are single and your ex comes back with nonsense talks, my dear e get as ur heart go do u go one trip again. But been strong to resist any ex cos they remain the same noting has changed. @katrina dear pls pray for strength to leave that relationship, at the end u will be alone, in my own case I didn’t know they where married until I did FBI o, so babe pray for strength to leave that relationship

  12. Sigh

    August 30, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    Are you reading my mind HIAN!!!!!! I broke up with ex-Bae a week ago and today is also his birthday. His behaviour is disgusting unstable and I’m too grown for that ish. Deleted his number and everything about him off my fone too. I broke up with him via whatsap since we live in diff continents and till now no response from him and I’m already in the I don’t care stage. I miss him but only his stable personality but his instability kills me, I can’t cope so I ended it. He is 32 today and I’m 29, how can a man his age act so unstable I don’t get it. I gave up we fight too much. I just need e-hugs to stay strong and not reach out (I can still access his number as its on my old fone bills, but I refuse to do it). I have peace of mind and this guy has never apologised to me when he is in the wrong he would say no apologies Omo I can’t cope I had to chuck up the duces.

    • Gorgeous

      August 31, 2016 at 3:57 am

      E-hugs to you!

    • Fashionista

      August 31, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Plenty E- hugs o jare!

    • O'Kel

      August 31, 2016 at 10:10 am

      E-hugs darling

    • Yeyeperry

      August 31, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      E hugs honey!

  13. aj

    August 30, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    I am so grateful to God and time for helping me get over a Yoruba demon ex. This write up just reminded me of him. He was so evil even other people thought he was the devil. Thank God I survived him but unlike you I placed curses on him at the time. You must have the heart of Gold to be blessing your exs. To be honest I still wish something terrible would happen to him. God forgive me for saying that.

    • Linda

      August 31, 2016 at 9:44 am

      At least thank God you didn’t marry your Yoruba demon.

      Sadly, I married mine 🙁

  14. Laughing Gas

    August 31, 2016 at 9:06 am

    @ AJ, your comment made me roll off my chair at work. May God give you happiness.

  15. Jasmine Howson-wright

    August 31, 2016 at 10:02 am

    “I would not let you steal the goodness in me
    No way I’m going to let you steal the God in me
    So baby, I wish you well
    I wish you a love greater than that which I felt for you”

    It is crazy that no matter how good, great or awesome you are,,. life could still send “tests” like these heart-demolishers your way but, i love the determination to not allow that steal “you” from you or the lovely moments that made “you” (weather or not with him in the picture) happy.

    Ill be taking my queue from this – Strive to remain at peace with and a happy “YOU”

  16. Ruby

    August 31, 2016 at 10:15 am

    OMG.. Girlspice are you in my brain? This (all of it) is so my life..

    ‘You remember in the beginning, I warned you not to play with my heart, it was funny then. We laughed about it, but here we are today.

    You did it
    Without flinching
    Without blinking
    Without remorse’
    I pleaded with him at the beginning not to play with my heart. I told him that of he wanted to play… He can leave now. Oga left later saying his mum doesn’t approve me

    Chai… I wept!

    But, in my brokenness I prayed… I prayed for him. I asked God to bless him and give him all his heart desires. I wished all the good I can imagine just like I will wish myself. You know why? Because my dad taught me. He taught me to do good always.

    Reaching beyond the pains to pray and wish him good… My wounds healed. I could smile again and love completely as is my nature.

    Months later when I heard he was getting married to the ‘friend’ he chats with. The one he swore to me that nothing was happening between them. LOL Still I prayed for good to be theirs forever.

    ‘I’m not saying that I’m there yet but I’m trying.’ One thing I know for certain, good will come to me too.

    • Me, myself and Eye

      August 31, 2016 at 11:51 am

      My Sister it IS well… Everything good will come to you. The lines shall fall for you in pleasant places. We reap what we sow. You will reap a bountiful harvest for sowing good seeds. God bless your heart. E-hugs…

  17. largerthanlifealice

    August 31, 2016 at 11:44 am

    have you ever been so unfortunate with men that you become numb…no feelings ….this days am like “hmmm that didnt work out …next!!!!’

  18. esteem

    August 31, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    Guys have really caused pain and heartbreaks to ladies. Well it’s from both side of a coin but the truth here is he or she who gives most to a relationship tend to be hurt easily, so i advise anytime you are trying to enter into any relationship measure your step and evaluate each stage you move into in order not to be hurt. Since this has happened, it shouldn’t weigh you down because you are beautiful and beautiful girls don’t beg for love they pick whom they want,you are also endowed with with a pretty heart which is among what real men are looking for, even if am not told i know you are intelligent and brave to realise that what is not yours cannot just stay even if you give yourself away to proving how much you love him after all your mum has once asked you to give away you used toy to someone who is in need of it, that alone will make you understand some people need to leave a job for others that will value the job to come and occupy till the position of the manager. Soon the right person will find you and when he comes then you will appreciate only the best should come to you because a times what you want might not be the best for you pls brighten up we love u dear

  19. Chinenye

    August 31, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Good will come to you Ruby dear

  20. Mz_Danielz

    August 31, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    Errm Georgeus, I am not married though. And he offered to send you a million or more, you would have accepted now. Men offer anything and say anything but start dating him and see the millions drop to hundreds of thousands that’s if he even offered you millions. You know 200k is not money right?

    • Smile

      September 1, 2016 at 12:37 am

      Chooi Mz_Danielz and Money!!!!.

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