Vanessa Onyema: People Always Leave

I loved One Tree Hill in my early teens.

It wasn’t a fairy tale kind of series. It was real; so real that you thought you were watching a reality show. It told life as it is. At the end or beginning of each episode a quote was narrated by a character, most times it was from Lucas Scott.

The quotes were so inspiring that I always wrote them down in my book. I read them to myself daily. Of all the quotes I memorised, one stuck with me forever: ‘people always leave’

Peyton Sawyer said that she believed she was a troubled girl. I believed I was like Peyton. She had metallic rock albums arranged alphabetically in her room. She had a podcast. She was a fluid artist.  She was blonde, but never dumb.

I saw myself in Peyton because we both believed we are supposed to be alone. I struggled with my writing for months, I wanted to write something that means something to someone. Like when you go see a really great band live for the first time and no one is saying it but everyone’s thinking it. I wanted to write that feeling, but I can’t.

There was no mental space to think, or be productive. I blamed myself; is it me? Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I’m just destined to be alone.

Everyone moved forward, maybe the way I saw it, but I didn’t. People call it depression; I should probably sit in a shrink’s office and bare my thoughts, but I am an African. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, we learn to live with it.

In those troubled moments of mine when I didn’t believe I deserved happiness. I lost a real chance to be happy, I lost an opportunity to pick myself up. Maybe I thought I deserved it all.

People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realise you are the disappointment? What happens then?

You move on…

You dust yourself up, hang out more often and discover yourself.  If you have the means, travel. Eat your favourite kind of food, read a good book, share a nice laugh, make every second of your life count because there is no second chance at life. We all have one shot to get it right.

The best gift man was given freely – oxygen. So whenever I want to wallow in self pity, I remind myself constantly that I am still breathing.

Peyton Sawyer said people always leave… But sometimes they come back.

Photo Credit: Birgit Reitz Hofmann | Dreamstime.com