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Yemisi Wada: How to Walk Away

Yemisi Wada

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Yemisi WadaAs I grow older, I realise that I could be very naive sometimes. I make very childlike suppositions.

I assumed for a long time that women were in bad relationships because they didn’t realize it or because they didn’t see it or they were not aware there could be a better way. To this end I am always proffering often-unsolicited advice. Just the other day I was at it again ‘Madam Adviser’ when I realised the ‘aburo’ I was talking to, was filing her nails. At some stage when I had told her another unforgivable thing I heard her man had done to her, and why it was rubbish, she twisted that her mouth around and said ‘Aunty, there’s even more you don’t know but where am I going to?’

The fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone or feeling like a loser is part of the reasons women stay in these sad relationships and are coupled but miserable and frustrated.

The first thing you need to do is work on yourself. Analyze your being and decide you deserve better than this. Analyze the situation. Don’t make it okay. Don’t compare it to your friend’s or your sister’s or your neighbour’s that you think is worse. Don’t rationalize it. If it felt bad to you and it caused you hurt, or shame or pain then it is what it is, it is bad.

Stop seeing your life without him. Think of his life without you and please allow him to go taste it. Value yourself and your input into the relationship no matter what it was. Even if it was just to look pretty on his arm, that too has its value. If you’re one of those they tell ‘There’s plenty of fish in the Sea, you need to start thinking too that there’s of lots of Seas on this Earth!

Get busy. Get obsessed with something else. Channel it to good use. Ife said she saw a ‘Make-up and Gele tying Course’ on a blog. She signed up and started taking the classes. She said ‘Aunty the days were okay’ as the Course was very intensive but the nights were hell. I missed him so much but I just remembered all he had done especially when I was financially dependent on him. Guess what! By the time the jobs kept coming and I was seeing my work on Social media, I was too obsessed with who I was now and achieving his sins seemed to multiply. I couldn’t even imagine my new self with that dirty, low life, controlling……..”

Plan forward. People ask, is this not too soon? I say that’s why you have lyrics of songs that say ‘Love all the hurt away’. It’s not jump into marriage but if it leads to it, why not? Although I must warn ‘rebound relationships’ have a lot of problems. That’s a topic for another blog post. So plan the fun your single life will be. Who, you can meet. How, you will be so different. Maybe not so easy to be walked over, or not so gullible, or not so generous or whatever you feel you did wrong here, plan to avoid next time. Instead of mourning where you’re coming from, look forward to moving forward.

Once a friend of mine found out her fiancé was cheating. It turns out they both thought he was their fiancé. He stayed with my friend but kept asking her to stop acting like the ‘vanquished’! I had to go find out what the word meant. You can only imagine the type of husband he turned out to be. So stop seeing this thing like a battle. If he is cheating, and you cannot take it, leave. There is more dignity in either being dropped or staying knowing you were okay with fighting for the prize; because trust me, you will pay the price for ending up with the prize. If you walk away he will know you didn’t think you needed to fight anyone to have your own man and forever respect that about you.

In case of physical violence, all these don’t come into play. Just LEAVE PLEASE. You do not deserve that.

God Bless.

Yemisi Wada is a Lawyer and a Business woman. She has decided she has reached a stage in life where she likes to do what gives her Joy. She has just produced the Crime Series 'Lasgidi Cops Serious Crimes Unit' and last year when she turned 50 decided to start up a Blog where she can mentor younger ones on the realities of relationships and life. She also loves giving back and has a Foundation for Street Children called the Haven for the Nigerian Child Foundation. She is married and has 5 children. She blogs at www.namsblog.com.ng

26 Comments

  1. Mamacita

    August 10, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Preach lady! Those who have ears will hear. The fear of being called a failure will only last until the next gossip worthy event.

  2. Beard gang

    August 10, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    all the relationship write-ups on bellanaija always portray men (especially nigerian) as dogs, low-lives, controlling, entitled etc and how the ‘victimised’ women ‘moved on’ and became extremely successful and how they left the men to lick their wounds in shame and penury. LMFAO!!!
    all these cliche feel-good-about-myself articles.
    insightful article anyway.

    • hian

      August 10, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      This same BN that chastises women who want big wddings and have feminist ideals. Feminists here get insulted all the time but you call a man out once and his poor ego cant take it. awwww poor sad bruised ego boy. You KNOW what Nigerian women have been through in the name of marriage (a good 85-90%) and they arent taking it anymore. Just buckle up and learn because your wife will probably not take what your mum did. Ayea dont cry youhear *kisses*

    • Bodunade

      August 10, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      What do you know??
      You are mad because you are afraid Nigerian women are now enlightened. You are afraid that your male privilege will disappear overnight. Misogynist wake up. This is 2016.

      Nigerian women are saints, they don’t cheat, lie, sleep with their side-boys on the week of their wedding. Nigerian women are pure SAINTS and are always the victim.
      Believe that or shut up, Misogynist pig!

    • I_I

      August 11, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Yimu.

    • DLP

      August 11, 2016 at 10:07 am

      @ beard gang I totally disagree with you

  3. Paul Adeyemo

    August 10, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    These are women who are just consoling themselves. I hope the poster is not the ex of Femi Fani Kayode. Inasmuch as Femi may not be a good husband, this woman herself has enough baggage. Don’t believe all these one sided stories which always paint this woman as stainless angels. Rubbish post.

    • Anonymous

      August 10, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      we should not believe stories about 4 times married FFK that as rich as he was 3 women left him, but we should believe the stories about her. You may not be a chauvinist, but you are a misogynist (you hate women). I dont know why you hate women so much, but calm down, no one is checking for you..

    • Anonymous

      August 10, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      oh wait, I thought this was Bruno. You’re ACTUALLY a chauvinist as well

    • Bey

      August 10, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Leave her and her baggage………….
      Any baggage that doesn’t include FFK is good baggage.

    • Anonymous

      August 11, 2016 at 5:04 am

      Good

    • Hadiza Kolo

      August 11, 2016 at 5:19 am

      Yes,that is Femi Fani Kayodes ex.
      Better believe that the best thing she ever did was shedding the deadweight called Femi.
      That was the only baggage she ever had.

      Typical Nigerian Man like you.

      Well done Yemisi
      Keep telling your truth and allow us younger generation learn at your feet.

      We have seen our mothers and aunties take shit from these men in the name of remaining a mrs.

      God forbid we tolerate the same.

      God bless you Mrs Wada.

  4. Bodunade

    August 10, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    I’m like a blind man who lost his way
    I can’t see nothin’
    I’m like a deaf man who can’t relay
    Yeah, I can’t hear nothin’
    You see the trouble with me
    I can’t do nothin’ without my baby
    And as plain as can be
    It’s gonna drive me crazy

  5. Rebecca Abisola Alabi

    August 10, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    The best way to walk away

  6. bebe

    August 10, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Thank you very much for this article, been going through a break up for a while now, trying to move on. But our mutual friends won’t let us be, giving me updates that I don’t need. The reason for the break up was beyond our control, Genotype tinz. Best boyfriend ever lool.

    Guess I just have to be saying to myself there are plenty seas out there, someone great also will find me

  7. Great Lady

    August 10, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    Funny how I was just thinking about a similar topic today. People need to hear this and learn. Well written Ma.
    Memoirsofagreatlady.com

  8. Solomon Akinboyewa Olawale

    August 10, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    This is crazy

  9. Segi

    August 10, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    Unsolicited advise? Go cold turkey… change social media handles, drop off mutual friends and wall off ‘mutual families ‘… your sanity will thank you few months down the line!

    • Segi

      August 10, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      Response to bebe’s post

    • bebe

      August 10, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      Thanks, but that means I’d have to move out of the house I share lol. Hoping with time, something more exciting happens and they move on, maybe then it will be easier

  10. Ijebujesha

    August 11, 2016 at 1:22 am

    Hello. Please who knows if this woman has a daughter that looks exactly like her? I came to read the article but I kept looking at her picture for good 20 minutes of my life!.I’d like to MARRY her daughter, so kindly hook me up. I am not rich yet but a Pastor and an Alfa seperately prophesized that I will be rich (by God’s grace). I will also be faithful, loyal and honest and serve her with all my strenght (even behind closed doors). So help me God. Amin e po…..

    • Miss Ghana

      August 11, 2016 at 6:20 am

      see epistle. come and take me o, no be lie but i am fiinnnneeee. and we will catch that money together.

  11. saraH

    August 11, 2016 at 2:18 am

    who did this lady’s eyeshadow abeg?!

  12. Paranoid

    August 11, 2016 at 7:54 am

    When the trust is shaky in a relationship what is the way forward? Am i paranoid or just trusting my instincts

  13. aj

    August 12, 2016 at 8:32 am

    hmmm it just reminds me of what I went through 4 years ago with some dude. I messaged him and he never replied me till today. I was soo into him..all this was online ooo. Omo I had to drop it but I still think of him everyday…but no more sending messages. I am a leo with a scorpio rising and when we are fixed on someone it becomes an obsession. I had to walk away…my pride was very hurt.

  14. Keyyna

    August 12, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    The way society is propagating LEAVE YOUR MAN, LEAVE YOUR MARRIAGE is brimmingly disappointing. Nobody is willing to be patient, persevere, or at least measure up to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 for the sake of God and the children He blessed the union of marriage with. Marriage is beyond ‘He cheated on me’ for example. If He cheats repeatedly or abuses you physically, and you have children and you cant stand it by all means walk away. But when you do remember ‘its a single for life situation- thats if you are a true follower of Christ and what the bible says. Looking at it from another angle, its the man that committed adultery and not you so he has God to answer to. That’s his problem, he broke the commandment not you. You should take pity on him, pray for him to change from a distance that is if you cant stand it anymore. Conversely, if its a RELATIONSHIP kinda situation, please no woman should stay with a riff raff man that can disrespectfully cheat on you, go through so many ‘fishes’ while you maintain d status of fiancee, physically or mentally abuse you and you still want to hold onto the man….Because of what???? Walk away from his stupid ass. Its not that serious.

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