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Akpo Uyeh: 14 Types of People You Find at Nigerian Wedding Parties

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dreamstime_m_16076576Saturdays have become synonymous with weddings. It is day when the groom and bride make their vows to become one and cherish each other forever. The whole ambience: the colours, the food, the MC, the brides family, the groom family, friends, relations etc add to the success of the day.  Some blogs even rub it on the faces of single people with fairy tale weddings that they publish. Just as someone pointed out, we would never run out of Saturdays so no need to fret another person’s wedding.  That being said, Nigerian weddings can be filled with dramas behind the scenes. Well, there are some regular people you will find at almost every wedding ceremony, here is my list:

The Brother/sister of the bride(groom)
This person is overly busy. He or she is just everywhere coordinating, arranging, running errands, serving food, organising. In short they are everywhere. All guests admire his/ her efforts and see him/her as too efficient. The award for the hard worker goes to them.

The Glutton
This set of people forgot to eat from home so they start hustling to be served food. They forgot their manners and allow hunger to remove their dignity. For this people, their motto is me first before others. When served, they satisfy themselves before thinking of other people at the table.

The Bitter Aunty
This woman assumes that every single lady present is an enemy of progress. You can’t dance with the couple because she forms an unnecessary banner over the couple. She has an issue with the fact that you are single.

The Clique
They appear to be advantageous. They bought asoebi. They get the best of seats. They get served food on time. They receive the best souvenirs. The wedding reception was for them oo. You can’t join them because they will make you feel like an outcast.

The Mogbomoyas (a.k.a where the party @)
They are thankful that  the wedding didn’t need an IV to make an entrance.These people gate crash and pretend like they were invited when we know they don’t know anybody at the wedding ceremony. They blend in easily.

The Selfie freak
This person attended the wedding to be snapping pictures to post on social media. He/She wants to show that he or she is the owambe guy/chic. I don’t envy such people from beginning to the end of the event; it is selfies all the way. Don’t mind me; they are having fun, abi?

The Networkers
They are on a business mission in a wedding ceremony. As they meet with people they are dropping their business cards advertising their make up business, fashion line, small chops business, photography hustle, souvenirs jobs etc. They do not slack as they want to make money on the go anywhere, anyhow.

The Single but seriously searching
These  people came to the wedding for a mission to hook up. While the whole ceremony is going on, they are busy trying mingling and possibly hooking up. Their phones are ever ready to collect contacts and do necessary follow-ups.

The Single and so what?
Don’t ask this people when they are getting married because you would not get any answer. They would reply with smiles and shove you off. These people have a motto:’You Only Live Once’ – so they try to live their life to the fullest despite their marital status. At wedding ceremonies, they are the ones that seem to dance the most. At times, someone needs to remind them that they should not over dance lest people think they are the couple celebrating.

The Married
Every wedding is a reminder of how they started out and did theirs. They seem to compare their own big day to the one they are attending presently-what went well or what did not go well? They are always dressed in the same attires as per couple things. People tend to compliment them on how they look better off now that they are married.

The Children
Care-free as they are, they liven up weddings. They also have their roles to play in weddings whether in the bridal train or not. Children have nothing to worry about compared to adults who think of bills, relationships, education, contracts, jobs, investment….you know now? We all need cute children around… Don’t we?

The Old School
They frown when the DJ starts spinning new school music. They do not need to utter words but their facial expressions speak volumes. When the music changes to oldies you see them coming alive and beaming with smiles as they remember the good old days.

The New School
They do not really like live bands. They prefer the DJ playing latest jamz. They know the latest dance and their names. They can form a good choreography team for the couple.

The Ride or Die chic
She is a complete slayer. With the latest amoeba style, infinite gele and make up on point. She tends to draw attraction. Sometimes, she need to be reminded that the wedding is not about her and she should not compete with the bride.

Did I leave out any set of people?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

20 Comments

  1. Tru

    October 4, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    ??? Oy, ain’t this the truth!

  2. chic wen sabi

    October 4, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    Omote wen sabi…….just gailing a fellow oniovo

  3. marcel

    October 4, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    The onlookers. They only sit with one drink to look and size other people. Making comments with their mouth, eye and body language.

    • Onetallgirl

      October 4, 2016 at 1:12 pm

      @Marcel yeah the onlookers, they will the only people sitting while everyone is dancing, you ask them to come and dance and tell you ” leave me”! Lol

  4. mz_danielz

    October 4, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    There is that older mother, aunty, dad or sister that points out married peers to their single relatives. You’ll hear ‘Chichi, is that not Angela your friend, she has 2 children now oh. Paul, is that not Kehinde with his beautiful wife’,

    What about the parents that bring their children for match making. They will just be taking their children to and fro and introducing them to elgibles

  5. Onetallgirl

    October 4, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    This is a pretty accurate list! Lol Im ” the single and so what” just be on the dance floor, dancing to every single song!

  6. Ann

    October 4, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    hahaha … too funny, you forgot ‘the party people’ – these one are here for a good time, drinks and all the party favours. They even come with their own bottles just so there is no confusion. I like these ones. They are sorted.

  7. sade

    October 4, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    If I know I am not part of The Clique at any wedding I’m invited to I don’t bother going.

  8. Halle

    October 4, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    hilarious!
    I am the ‘single and so what’……. my own ehn is epic… I am usually so happy at weddings ehn
    I love LOVE
    Always dancing (I can really dance! yes pride! lol) and being the life of the party.. (not overbearing… just subtle and sweet)
    Funny, the guys still come around… stylishly asking for number of this Hot and superplayful girl that can dance (Pops collar)
    🙂 🙂 🙂

  9. Moyo

    October 4, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    I hope there is a type who gets bored with all the show off at Nigerian weddings, birthdays and burials. The type who come just to show their face so that the host will not be annoyed. I am always amazed when someone has about 500 guests or more at a wedding and still notices that a particular guest did not attend, I still don’t get it.

  10. Ahneetah

    October 4, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    The restless ones…always on the move..you must notice their dress on fleek,makeup on point..they will practically walk upandan until someone pity them and try to start a conversation.

  11. me

    October 4, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    You forgot to mention the host acting stingy, they tell you party starts early and show up at 7.00pm when everyone is almost starving their heads off! Not leaving out the friends of the bride’s mother who pretend they are there to celebrate her but they are only there to steal of her – money and jewellery!

    Some wedding in Nigeria if chance be given will need vetting – LOL!!!

  12. Baby gurl

    October 4, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    Scarily accurate LMAO! Was in Lagos for a wedding over the weekend. I’m most certainly “Single and so what”. It pains my mother lol. My friends say I treat men like I’m happily married with kids lol ? I danced more than the bride and didn’t talk to any ‘boy’!

  13. Gorgeous

    October 4, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Definitely in the Single and So what crowd. I can dance for Africa. I love weddings, especially the ones with freshly pounded iyan or well made jollof. Once i chop, na to dance till they off the music. Its like a club with the latest hits.lol.

  14. Asari Tokunbo

    October 4, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    No! The glutton didn’t forget to eat from home. He/she had a well thought out plan to approach the party with an empty belly, an outstretched arm, and salivating mouth. Some people literally pack plastic bags in their purses and pockets, so they could take away. Some just dress up without even knowing if the celebration is a christening,wedding,burial or ritual…They just come,eat, smile and go home. #0% discipline#. BTW, I rarely attend parties and when I do, I just sit hand in the gift, eat and go home-no dancing cos I suck at doing it. ….Shout out to all the dancing kettles out there: @Baby gurl,@Halle..more Vaseline to you elbows and kneecaps.

  15. Ajala & Foodie

    October 4, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    I have one problem with this write-up I.e “some blogs even rub it on the faces of single people by publishing fairy tale weddings”. Since we on such a blog or probably the blog that used to be synonymous to Nigerian weddings or weddings in general. I feel there is no better place to address this. Rubbing one’s nose in something or rubbing one’s face in something. speaks to a malicious intent, to constantly remind someone of their mistake. That BN (who those of us that have been following since “te te” can agree has not just dialed down but made a complete 180 on their BN wedding posts, it is now a once in a blue moon event instead of a weekly event) posts weddings does not rub anything in any one’s face, it means BN found a niche and did a good job filling that niche pretty well, I most say. It is what makes for a successful business.

    It is those that view it has” a rub in the face” that have issues and those are the issues that need to be addressed not the blogs. I recently told a friend of mine that what offends me is people hiding their pregnancies from me because it does not show sensitivity instead it shows that the individual has issues with my not having kids yet. They are the issue, not me, People that view BN weddings has “rubbing it on” are the issue not the blog. It is totally different from a friend constantly telling you about how fertile she is and how all she has to do is blink at her partner and get pregnant and turning around in the same breath to ask ” what is taking you so long ?” now that is a malicious intent but even that does not rub my nose in it unless I choose that particular perspective, I.e if I take an issue with not having kids yet then and only then can someone rub my nose in it.

    That people are getting married or having babies is a world phenomenon and that BN no longer shows us this beautiful weddings does not negate the fact that it is happening and as long as you live you will forever see and experience this life altering events be it at home or abroad. So please let’s stop with the blog accusations, at least you have the choice of “waka passing”. We all like having a glimpse into the lives of others that we may otherwise never have, BN as with other blogs provide that, it is why reality shows are a hit worldwide.

    On that note can I add : Ms. Pedro and BN editors and writers, while I am well aware and respect that fact that you are not here in cater to every readers whims or wants. I would be really glad and grateful if you would consider going back to what made BN, the household name it is today I,e Adekunke Gold did not use BN in his song “orente” for giggles. It is because BN was synonymous with weddings in Nigeria and beyond. I understand your need to diversify and the need for growth and if weddings is something Ms. Pedro and the entire BN team has decided to move away from, I totally respect that but if not, I would love to see BN feature more weddings even if it is bi-weekly. I acknowledge that we as readers only see a small aspect of what’s going on, you all have a broader perspective that ultimately drives the vision and therefore the direction of this blog and with that knowledge I would like to reiterate that I respect that and these are just my thoughts. On the other hand, maybe I am the one that needs to realize that I don dey old and times are changing and so is demographic of the readers on BN.

    • Naijatalk

      October 4, 2016 at 7:32 pm

      Perhaps the wedding coffers are empty. Okay people send in your fairytale weddings and let the people be entertained….

      Last paragraph “….latest amoeba style?”

    • Ajala & Foodie

      October 5, 2016 at 5:00 am

      @ naijatalk, the last time i checked, amebo = gossip. Not sure how my request (in my last paragraph) translated to “amebo style”. Or am I missing something or misunderstanding your comment?

    • Mohammad

      October 5, 2016 at 6:13 am

      I guess naijatalk meant amoeba style in the last paragraph of the article. Latest amoeba style sounds about right for people successfully being able to morph into what is trendy.

  16. Peaches

    October 6, 2016 at 10:59 am

    You forgot to mention the foolish, agbaiya aunties who bring their own coolers of food for their own friends on one table. Most ratchet shit I’ve ever seen in my life! And RUDE!

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