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Bobosteke: The Fault in Our Stars

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dreamstime_m_3482226Growing up, my father always came home from work with UTC cake, some Mr. Biggs fare, and a copy of the Vanguard Newspaper. I would wait impatiently while my mother read through, after which I would perch importantly on the couch and proceed to read as well. Most of what I read, I did not understand, including the day’s astrological forecast of every zodiac sign. I however did find the drawings of each sign faintly intriguing. One day, my curiosity got the better of me and I proceeded to ask my mother what they meant; she, of course, reacted like a typical Nigerian parent: she snatched the paper from me, yelling in her military voice that it was demonic and that she must not find me reading it again.

Years went by and I obeyed. Even after I moved far away from home; even after I started buying dailies myself; even after internet came and information became really cheap and accessible. I obeyed up until a couple of weeks ago. I was chilling with my colleagues after work and the topic came up.

Yeah, I knew my sign, but beyond that I was totally obtuse. So I reached for my phone and typed s.a.g.i.t.t.a.r.i.u.s. and to say that I was pleasantly stunned is putting it mildly.

In those days, when people made a list of characteristics they wanted in people they would like to marry, they had stuff like God-fearing, tall, handsome, and caring; does not shout, a good provider, gentle, not a wife beater, etc. My list, when I was forced to make one, went like Engineer, non-yoruba, preferably south-south, considerably older or considerably younger, strong silent type, knows how to dance, laugh, cook and drive, a thinker, knows how to set my sapio-sexual hormones on fire. On neither list was there any mention of any particular zodiac sign.
So I rediscovered Sagittarius, the wild child of the zodiac and a fire sign ruled by Jupiter. Sagittarians are said to be on a constant quest for knowledge hence, the archer symbol. Uorthodox Intellectuals “r” us. I’m sure every sign has famous people they can brag about but we hold all the four aces for creativity and crazy imagination. I mean you can thank us for Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg and even C. S. Lewis. I’m sure Fyodor Dostoyevsky was born a premmie. He should have been a Saggie.

Now, I began to read about the personality traits of a Sagittarius woman and suddenly, everything about me did not, make perfect sense. You mean there are so many other people like me? You mean everything I am, sans experience and genes, has been predetermined by the alignment of some designer stars? I saw the word promiscuous and I thought, eh? That must mean someone who likes to make promises; I read lazy and I went cross-eyed. If lazy meant using shorter words like “fake” rather than “ostentatious” then I’m your girl. They say we are blunt. Well, I understand that there is a difference between saying “your feet are too big for the shoes” and “the shoes are too big for your feet”. For Saggies, as long as there is “big” and “feet” in the sentence, we don’t see any difference. We are called extravagant shoppers. All I’m going to say is that there must have been a reason Versace was born a Sagittarius.

All these aside, wouldn’t it be nice to think the reason all the relationships we have had, (both the major and minor leagues) did not work was because all some faults were in our stars?
A Sagittarius in a relationship is as aptly described in Bette Midler’s (a Saggie herself) and Co.’s rendition of “You Don’t Own Me”, in First Wives Club (circa 1996). We are free, fierce, independent spirits. To love us, you must understand that you don’t own us. Leave us alone as we are. Don’t come with any revised standard version: our publishers don’t do reprints or abridged editions. We like to be with you and not of you at the same time. To say the concept of marriage is nerve-racking is understanding that it’s a life-long hustle to remain single, because for a Sagittarius, the mundane and routine life that comes with being married has driven some to commit suicide, manic depths of depression, and aching philosophical questions.

A tamed Sagittarius is a tragedy to watch: Just ask Mark Twain, Lucy “Maud” Montgomery and Winston Churchill. But oh, when we do commit, we are the loyalest people you will ever find, even if it kills us. Our Edith Piaf’s “L’hymne l’amour” is a tribute to every Sagittarian who has ever loved.

Against this backdrop, I wonder how less weird and off I would have felt; how “what is wrong with me” and “why am I like this?” questions would have featured less in my life had someone told me and admitted that somehow your zodiac sign provides a succinct definition of who you are. No matter how religious you are or want to kick against this, the evidence stacks up really fast. There is a lot of truth in this world and not all of them are restricted to the Holy Books. Only seek wisely.

Now, I consider all the relationships I have had, and I understand why relief was the first thing I felt when my Aquarius fiancé said he could not go through with the wedding. How Gemini’s constant care and unending deep thinking kept me on edge; how Cancers weird closeness to his mum and his need to touch me all the time annoyed the hell outta me; how my attraction to Capricorn was dead in the water and why Leo is still crown less ‘cos my life cannot be a constant worship session; why Scorpio was the almost the ying to my yang and why the others never interested me.

People are humans first, not defined by race, color or any constellation and that is the way we should learn to love and understand them. I would not begin now to live my life by predictions or horoscopes. As Garth Brooks (not a Saggie) sang in his song “The Dance” “…I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end …our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance”.

My beau is Cancerian, one of the most incompatible of the signs with a Sagittarian. This has not made me leave his side. If anything, it has made me understand him better and why I’m likely to take flight without notice.
It’s never really been our tradition in this part of the world to check if someone’s zodiac sign would lead the path of true happiness. Our parents only went to “confirm” if you had a good future together. Others have spiritualists on full retainer for other purposes. The results are never really kosher. Which shows that in the end, your life is what you make it.

So, have you ever dated anyone based on your signs compatibility? Please share and let us know how it went.

Photo Credit: Pemotret | Dreamstime.com

12 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    November 23, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    People take astrology seriously?

  2. The real D

    November 23, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    I just had to go confirm my zodiac sign (shows how much attention I pay to that stuff). I have always liked “saggies”. I really do think they are outgoing. I love them so much I pray to have babies that are “Saggies” , although I did not know the zodiac sign associated to the month/time frame until today. I just always prayed to have my babies in late November to early December. Weird??? Yes, I know!!! Let me even check my hubby’s zodiac sign?

  3. meelikey

    November 23, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Star ke? Never will I attach my life to such stuff.

  4. "changing moniker"

    November 23, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    My beau is a Saggie and he is and isn’t a saggie….
    these star sign stuff sef.

  5. Winter

    November 23, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    Finally someone who gives astrology some credit in their personal life like I do! I had always been fascinated by the way my zodiac sign characteristics aligned closely with my personality which I initially thought was inherently unique to me. I tend to come across to others as someone who is mysterious, sensuous, intelligent and confident and since I do not even control this traits, I can only attribute this to my zodiac sign. In terms of compatibility, some of the signs I’m supposed to incompatible have truly been terrible matches for me (romantic relationships and friendships too) but then again, my parents who have been happily married for decades are supposed to be incompatible based on their signs haha! I love my zodiac sign, I feel I would not be me without being under this sign.

  6. Big Tee

    November 23, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    My previous manager said our stars aligned, that we will work well together….. 3 months in to the gig, I requested to be moved to another department. once again proving that sign alignment means nothing more than rat sh*t.

  7. iyke

    November 23, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Pisceans – we plant roots so deeply in the people we love that we always lose pieces of ourselves when they go….So simple and effortless with us. Every moment with Pisceans sounds like ‘Welcome Home’.
    Date a Piscean.….Marry a Piscean….we are worth fighting for.

  8. LemmeRant

    November 23, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Wait, you mean you were more interested in the newspaper than cake? Ok o.

    Its nice to believe in things like these. You wonder why they never predict bad things based on your zodiac signs, Imagine if they said all Cancers will die of cancer or Saggies end up as serial killers. Nope you can never ear that. They can only predict nice things about you, which ofcourse is what you want to ear.

  9. The Real Oma

    November 23, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    I do not put much stock on Zodaic signs and i have never actually applied them in my choice of a significant other, however the character traits ascribed to people of my sign describes me to a T, and that fascinates me. I am ARIES and i have ALWAYS had the need to be first, always,..

    • Susu

      November 23, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Not this time hun. You’re 9th…

  10. fayth

    November 23, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    for me, I think it’s just for fun and humans trying predict what can’t be predicted.

  11. Ifeanyi

    November 25, 2016 at 9:02 am

    Misleading Title…For the sake of readers Gullibility, please, try to include background information to the build up of your essays.

    That is the Title of a Book – The Faults in our Stars by John Green.

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