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Nkem Ndem: When a Girl Makes the First Move

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Nkem NdemAs an Arts student, I had to endure several Christian Religious Knowledge (CRK) classes in my senior secondary school years. One would think that as a Christian, I would come to define the period as one of the most edifying moments of my life, but actually, if I could turn back the hands of time, I would still sleep through most of the classes again… with joy. I won’t deny that some of the classes were quite illuminating, though. One of the lessons that I found very revealing was the one on Ruth and Boaz.
As the teacher rambled on with the story on the day, I remember how astonished I was at Ruth’s audacity. A young girl who had lost the love of her life and dedicated the rest of her life in service of her mother-in-law, Ruth knew she needed stability and security for herself and the older lady (Naomi). She built up her reputation, made sure she was seen by the right people, and the moment she realized that Boaz- possibly the wealthiest man around in the area and also kind- had noticed her, she took the bull by the horns and initiated a relationship with him. In fact, theology explains that by lying down next to Boaz that night, Ruth was “symbolically proposing marriage to him.”

Although not the most iconic of stories in the Bible, I think I found the tale particularly interesting as it applied to the situation around me at the time. I was in SS3, and during that time, I was battling with feelings I had for a boy who was in SS2. I liked him and I knew he liked me too. The problem, however, was that the dude was too shy to approach me as he was not sure how I would react to the idea of “dating” a junior. In my teenage head, I thought: dating a younger guy would certainly be a case of me settling for less, but then…he was super popular and that was what really mattered. Though Ruth knew she was going to be settling, she did not wait for the guy to woo her. She went for what she wanted, opinions be damned. Initiating the romance my heart sought just made sense!

Of course, I didn’t give in to the temporary insanity. I never approached the boy, and basically, stolen glances were all I amassed in the end. My fear of being considered “too brazen” or “easy to get” was just too strong, and again, though I was only 14 then, I already knew I was the kind of woman who just had to be wooed.

A number of Nigerian women today, either out of desperation, superiority complex, feminist beliefs, or just plain obsession initiate romantic relationships and even propose to their men. I am not judging, but apparently, the era when such behavior was considered inappropriate for the women folk is far gone. The night I raised this issue with one of my very feminist friends, she said “ The worst that could happen when a girl asks a guy out is he’ll say no. And if he says no, nne, dudes have been told “no” since the establishment of dating social norms. Just like those dudes, the girl will be alright! There is no difference between the guy and the girl and even more, there is no rule that says the guy has to make the first move.”

Call me old-fashioned, but…I believe that deep down, even the most passionate feminist would rather be wooed than woo a man.
Let’s face it, all a girl has to do is drop a few hints and if the guy likes her back, he’ll most likely declare his feelings or pop the question before she blinks. Honestly, it is a safer and easier way to get to know if a guy likes you, and it cuts out the embarrassment that comes with a guy turning you down.It has nothing to do with feminism or self-confidence.
It is what it is.

Being flirty and sending signals to try to get the man to make that move surely beats a girl literally making the first move. What do you think? What is your opinion on a girl asking a guy out and/or making the first move? Is it generally a good idea or just not okay?

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

68 Comments

  1. Once bitten, forever shy

    November 4, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    My opinion: Been there, done that, never doing it again. At the end of the day, i felt like the biggest fool
    It seems to wark out for some ladies though

    • IntelliJ

      November 5, 2016 at 6:49 am

      I think women have the bigger ego when it comes to handling rejection in a relationships, how? If a woman is rejected she feels really bad, in short you can go from being the best person in the world to a sworn enemy by turning down a woman’s offer for a relationship, on the other hand a woman will just friend zone a brother without thinking too much about it. ?. Life hasn’t been fair for a long time peeps.

  2. LemmeRant

    November 4, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    See this epistle just because you want to ask a guy out.

    Smh. Sit down there and be forming big girl.

    • kay

      November 4, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      whoo get time to read this epistle for this hot friday after noon?

    • ATL's finest

      November 5, 2016 at 1:41 am

      ????ok I went to straight to comment section & boom I already figured what’s happening. Some days, the brain don’t wanna be bothered.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:13 am

      @LemmeRant lol, far from it

  3. EE

    November 4, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    Ehh, Naomi basically had to browbeat Ruth into going for Boaz. So Naomi was repaying Ruth’s loyalty by helping her assure her future, she even gave her seduction tips. The moral of the story methinks was loyalty to family being rewarding.

    But creative license is allowed.

    That said, why do you think even the most ardent meninist won’t want the ego boost of having a woman woo him? Goose=Gander and all.

    • LemmeRant

      November 4, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      Read it very well,
      She said she was dozing while her CRK teacher was (in her words) rambling.

      So there you go.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 4, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      As in. I read this: “Ruth knew she needed stability and security for herself and the older lady (Naomi). She built up her reputation, made sure she was seen by the right people, and the moment she realized that Boaz- possibly the wealthiest man around in the area and also kind- had noticed her, she took the bull by the horns and initiated a relationship with him….”

      & I was weak (weakened, I tell you) by the rewriting of scripture that Sister Nkemdillim of BN decided to shock us with. And then going on later on to say Ruth settled for this man??? Nne, in what exact way, biko? Then telling us it’s not among the most iconic accounts in the Bible – a couple that, following this sequence of events, produced the lineage that King David was born from 2 abi 3 generations later?

      Nne, your article & some of the questions you placed there for us to ponder on would have been a lot better served without all the inaccuracies you took poetic license with, to create an introduction which suited your purpose.

      Beht why? ?

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:35 am

      @Mx Socially Awkward No one is rewriting the scripture. What I had shared is my interpretation,.my view and my opinion based on my perception. You do not have to accept, but do not try to condemn it. There is no one right interpretation of the scripture as the holy spirit speaks to people in different ways.

      When Ruth got married to Mahlon ( Naomi’s son) shortly after Mahlon’s father died, she was probably a teenager and she must have been in love with him, because when he died, she dedicated herself to Naomi.He was the love of her life. Meeting Boaz and marrying him, on the other hand, was kind of plotted really. Boaz was much older than Ruth, and Ruth was already a widow with a mother-in-law to take care of. Boaz would gain property. Naomi, security. Ruth would gain both security and a son, which is like double security and something Mahlon never gave her in ten years of marriage. I do believe that Boaz and Ruth may have loved each other, but I also see that it is a marriage of convenience for everyone involved. In fact, maybe both parties settled. Ruth’s entire relationship with Boaz was mostly about taking care of Naomi, it really was not a love story. If there was a love story, it was one between ruth and naomi. The vows Ruth made are used at weddings till date. Yes, Ruth went to the threshing floor for Naomi’s sake as much as for her own, but her ultimate goal in marrying Boaz is not love; it’s stability. It’s security for herself and for Naomi. Hence, settling.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 5, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Nne, why are you annoyed? You rewrote that whole story like Ruth just approached the man with a one-tracked mind because she was looking for a come-up – this was a young widow in a strange country that she’d traveled to with her mother-in-law, because Ruth decided to remain loyal to her late husband’s family. Building her reputation? Looking to gain security that Mahlon never gave her?

      Honey, she simply went to pick grain during harvest season. Feeding herself and her mother-in-law was the only thing on the young foreigner’s mind. The fact that it happened to have been in Boaz’s section of the field was just God working in the background (after all, she’d said to Naomi, “Your God will be my God”). Do you even recall that it was Boaz that first noticed her before she noticed him? And how he praised her for being so good to Naomi? Do you remember Naomi’s response when Ruth came back, clueless about the man she’d met and after describing him, Naomi praised God for the happy coincidence because her daughter-in-law wasn’t going to be maltreated or assaulted if she was working in his section? Ruth was just being a hardworking woman, showing kindness to others, doing right by herself and her adopted family, when she got noticed and the doorway to a new future presented itself. Boaz himself participated by extending many favours towards her, ensuring she was treated well. Or to your mind, were those not “first moves” of an interested man? And thank God for Naomi, who saw the signs the younger woman may not have seen and was able to direct Ruth to make the FINAL moves as to how best to cause Boaz to invoke his kinsman redemption. Not first moves, nne. Ruth just helped Boaz seal the deal.

      That is the scripture, it’s a simple enough story so please don’t stand on that whole “there is no one true interpretation of the scriptures” to justify twisting it about. What are you even saying here – “Ruth’s entire relationship with Boaz was mostly about taking care of Naomi”…? You reckon? And yet, Naomi herself, said to Ruth “My daughter, shall I not seek security for you that it may be well with you?”. An elderly widow, who recognised that the Ruth (a Moabite making a new home with Israelites) would need more security than her old mother-in-law could give her. Please, who was actually acting with the role of responsibility here?

      Biko nne, withdraw your vexation. You have undone the real message behind that story to suit your self and that’s why I have condemned it.

    • Maureen

      November 5, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      @Mz Socially Awkward why r you here trying to poop on someone else’s story. Why haven’t you written yours? Your ITK is too much sha. It is not that deep. And who even told you your own interpretation is the right one? Where you there when the scripture was written? all these busy bodies.

    • "changing moniker"

      November 6, 2016 at 1:06 am

      Thank you Jarey for correcting our madam Nkem, madam Know it all…..

      A beg help me read this:
      “A number of Nigerian women today, either out of desperation, superiority complex, feminist beliefs, or just plain obsession initiate romantic relationships and even propose to their men. I am not judging.”

      What would you now have said if you were trying to judge? ?
      Oshi Rada rada!

    • molarah

      November 6, 2016 at 1:46 am

      In response to Nkem’s response:

      .”You do not have to accept, but do not try to condemn it. There is no one right interpretation of the scripture as the holy spirit speaks to people in different ways”

      This right here, is the reason you should have stayed awake during those CRK classes. Please read 2 Peter 1: 20-21.

    • Maureen

      November 6, 2016 at 5:41 am

      @Molara…that’s how I rushed to read d scripture. How does it support your point?.vs 20-21 is simply explaining that no scripture of the Bible is of private interpretation . In other words, the scriptures are not texts collated from people’s opinion, rather they are directly from God as the men of God( who wrote the scriptures) “spake as they were moved by the Holyghost” No where does it say here that one cannot gain their own unique insight from a scripture and share it. Please study well and understand before start quoting scriptures to criticise other. Kmt.

    • hian

      November 5, 2016 at 5:39 am

      She sha was settling for him, she sha wooed him.

  4. Eegor

    November 4, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    I dont think I can ever make the first move . if you like a girl no matter how shy you are you should make your intentions known. There’s this joy when you are being “chyked” ( dunno if i got the spelling right) by a guy hehehe besides the bible says HE that findeth wife findeth a good thing ??.

  5. A Real Nigerian

    November 4, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Make the grave mistake of asking a disgusting NIGERIAN MAN out and you will regret it for the rest of your life.
    Useless men with depraved, sub-human minds.

    • Nitomeya

      November 4, 2016 at 8:29 pm

      Well you are wrong and you cannot keep make general statements about Nigerian men. Some men are really shy and need a lot of encouragement to woo a lady. If a lady likes such a men she will have to help him out and see how it goes. Please note that you will have to use wisdom when handling such a situation.

    • EE

      November 5, 2016 at 1:13 am

      Bruh, I wonder how you’ll survive in 2050 when there will be 100m+ of us just prancing through the world in all our Nigerian glory.

  6. Paul Adeyemo

    November 4, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    Hahaha. Let me be very realistic here, oyinbo woman can ask oyinbo man out and the oyinbo man will act naturally without shaming the woman. If any Nigeria woman should make the mistake of asking a Nigerian man, she will humiliated at the end of the day. We Niger men consider asking a girl out and she agreeing as a conquest, we feel elated and proud. If a girl as a guy out in our culture, the man will consider her as valueless, he will never love her. Material things may win the heart of a girl to love and remain loyal, a Niger man will only pretend to love you bcos of your money, he will still look for that woman that he loves truly and is dependent on him

    • A Real Nigerian

      November 4, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      You’re a very good spokesman for your fellow beasts.

    • Haha

      November 4, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      Thanks Paul for referring to Niger men. How is life in Niger?

    • Corolla

      November 4, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      LMAOO! Stop.

  7. Amaka

    November 4, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    That’s a tough call for me. Let’s not make excuses. If a man likes you enough. He will woo you. Boaz had a responsibility to fulfill in this case.

    • ATL's finest

      November 5, 2016 at 1:47 am

      Lol @ Amaka U sound like me. I’m “OLD SCHOOL” & thanks to God I didn’t ve to woo my Oga out???. Abeg whatever works for A might not work for B. I had a dude years ago dying for me but he got the nerve to say what stops me from asking him out??? Oh ok, exactly my response & that was it. Years later, he got the nerve to do so Er’mmm too late ( can’t u see how I look in d front) or u are blind:)

  8. Marlvina

    November 4, 2016 at 7:58 pm

    A lady deserves some dignity. The unfortunate part of a lady making the first move is that, the guy would use it to taunt her when they have issues later in the relationship. “behave yourself o, shebi you asked me out, behave o, else I’ll just end this” As a lady, how would you feel hearing that repeatedly?

    • californiabawlar

      November 4, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander….how do you think men feel when a woman says that? Also, any partner, male or female who taunts their significant other for chasing them (except in a loving teasing manner) is immature and should be dumped.

    • Mr. Egghead

      November 4, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      ? ? ?

    • Marlvina

      November 4, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      We’re still saying the same thing. Anyone who says such of course is not worth deserving. But girls need some dignity. It’s also quite rare to find a lady say such to a guy, even if he asked her out. Rather she walks out of the relationship if it’s becoming an issue.

    • A Real Nigerian

      November 4, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      “We’re still saying the same thing.”
      Aunty, keep quiet, you’re not saying the same thing.

    • Marlvina

      November 5, 2016 at 12:55 am

      The ugly crying monster has arrived on my post as usual, like you’re being paid to trail me. Smh!

    • Zee

      November 5, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      Who caused you all this bitterness? U really need help. BN! Why do you post this person’s comments? You are a sorry excuse for a human being and this bile u spill on bn is a clear representation of your miserable life. Get a life and stop spewing your bitterness everywhere!!!

    • Zee

      November 5, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      That rant was for @a real nigerian

  9. Bosun

    November 4, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    I asked a younger man who was my subordinate in my office out. That was three years ago and today he’s my husband and we have an eight month old baby. This happened here in Nigeria. Never say never

  10. IntelliJ

    November 4, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    Yeah Nkem Ndem is back, truth be told when you first started writing to Bellanaija I wasn’t feeling you at all, why? It seemed like you were another men bashing writer, however I can confirm that I was wrong actually. I quite enjoy your articles. They are fresh and interesting. You might be like the last standing hippy writer BellaNaija has left. Keep up the good work Nkem. You are a cool writer.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:41 am

      Thank you @IntelliJ. I really appreciate your comment. 🙂

  11. missE

    November 4, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    I did ask a guy out some yrs bk, d guy grew to love me more,I got tires of d affair, I actually broke up with him, which was really hard to, cause d guy was not willing to let go. I had to move out of d area. I never tried it again, now am married nd wouldn’t advice any woman to.So it actually depends on d individual!

  12. Panda

    November 4, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    I’ve been conditioned to believe a guy should ask the girl out so I would find the other way unnerving. “Conditioned”, because in reality there is nothing fundamentally wrong with a woman asking a man out (forget all the crap about “HE that findeth a good wife”, next time don’t pray from the blessings of Abraham on your life because he’s a man and you’re a woman). Only human reasoning has made all this more difficult that it should be.
    How can you be sure that all your thoughts are your own? You’ve lived for more than two decades, subconsciously and consiously consuming media on who should woo who.

  13. hypocrites

    November 4, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    gender equality indeed

  14. Bright Chimezie Humble

    November 4, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    If the girl should make the first move, the man may take it to be desperation. But there’s no failure in trial

  15. Fast cars

    November 4, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    Please can you remove this your picture. That expression on your face ehn. Its like somebody caught you stealing something and you are trying to play cute.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:43 am

      LOL. Ok Sir. I we try and tshange it. 🙂

  16. Weezy

    November 4, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    I asked a Nigerian guy out once. Even dated him. It didn’t work out, but I’m glad I did it.

    The key is to know the person well enough. I will not just walk up to some guy at a mixer or someone I’ve spoken to twice and ask him out. It has to be someone I know really well and I have a strong sense that he likes me and is just slow to ask (because he is unsure). in that case I’m doing him a favor by asking him out.

  17. ndidi

    November 4, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    I browse through facebook
    , I see a cute fine guy,
    I add him on facebook.
    I have a secret crush on him.
    I don’t say anything,
    I’m just there on his facebook.
    He asks for my pin, I pretend not to have noticed.
    He asks again, I give him my pin 🙂
    small talk here and there,
    Dude starts flirting with me randomly and i flirt back .
    He is happy the attraction is mutual 🙂
    We are both playing hard to get.
    Who go first crack?
    what is he thinking ?
    Did i make the first move?
    I’m not desperate.
    Someone ADVICE me pls.

    • Smelling Bombom

      November 5, 2016 at 2:27 am

      You’re are on the right track! Just don’t say anything about like it love. Continue the mutual flirting. If he really wants it he’d soon crack. Clearly he is not shy and he know it’s mutual. There’s nothing stopping him. Let him crack. Hope it works out for you guys and it leads to long term joy?

    • Lucinda

      November 5, 2016 at 2:53 am

      This behaviour towards dating is only cute and acceptable if you’re below 20. Men know when you like them A LOT and you’re playing hard to get. What I’m trying to say is that you’re fk boy magnet. You will find yourself in a couple of situationships and end up getting hurt.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:48 am

      He asked for your pin twice? nne hold on tight. He shall crack first..and I think iz better that way. You should, however, throw enough green light while still playing hard to get sha. Some men get tired and give up very easily and then you find that you may have shot yourself in the foot . Again, yelz, you made the first move, but the good thing is…in his head, he doesn’t know that, and that my dear, iz very cool.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:48 am

      @ndidi

    • Laura

      November 5, 2016 at 11:04 am

      I think you’re on the right track!!! Lets see how it goes…. Oh uhmm ….. Just make sure he isnt funny ie he has a wife or something…. Other than that your good.

    • Obi

      November 7, 2016 at 3:22 pm

      Reading from the start, i was thinking it was going to be some inspirational post but i was shocked its still a WIP.. lol, i found it funny though… You were already being strategic by adding him and then ignoring the pin request. This is just you being strategic and its very okay.. Seems to me like you are already on the right path. Cheers.

  18. Tracy

    November 4, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    The problem I find is not asking the guy out, but proving to the guy you are the one for him. If you fancy him, there is every likelihood somebody else fancies him too. So pray tell, why should he choose you? You have got to work for it baby gurrrrl!!!! That is the BIG PROBLEM! Girls just ask guys out and you think because you’re a girl he should pack his bag and follow you. Is that how you follow all your toasters? Now, there’s no way, no way in hell a girl would try and prove anything to a man without coming off as desperate. I find it is usually older women with some cash to spare that ask guys out and I find that the men they accept do eventually settle for them. However it is never for long! Very very few men don’t like chasing women, very very few. The moment he finds the one who he wants to pursue and chase and that he is really attracted to, end of discussion ni e.

    I know what I am talking about from relatives experience, All my aunties and some of my mom’s friends chased their husband(most anyway) they got married to these men who were usually younger BUT these men 5 to 8 years down the line always fond women younger that they damned the consequences and family for and went after them with so much much fierceness. Please I am not in support of asking a man out. I guess you might hint at it and maybe tell him you fancy or like him but please leave it there. Let him do the asking out and the dates what not. That way you are certain he is in on it too. Although there are some men that like women asking them out but they are very, very few and far between. And abeg it is just super awkward asking a guy out. Like I said you could hint it or tell him you like him but put a full stop after. If he is in on it, he would follow up at least you haff try small.

    • Rahama

      November 4, 2016 at 11:37 pm

      I beg to differ. A man that wants to cheat or leave a woman would do so regardless of age difference (her being older). Every man that has cheated and left me in the past was older than me and THEY asked me out. Most men that ran off with another women and abandoned their family if you check were in the typical scenario (appropriate age difference, man older than wife). I’ve never asked a guy out….yet. If I fancy a guy I’d probably casually suggest going to see a movie or a concert and see how it goes.

    • Nkem Ndem

      November 5, 2016 at 6:57 am

      love this : “The moment he finds the one who he wants to pursue and chase and that he is really attracted to, end of discussion ni e.” its always better when he does the chasing!

  19. Olabode Onatemowo

    November 5, 2016 at 12:10 am

    Hmm.. As a guy… If my kinda woman asks me out, why not… I’ll love it and I’ll take over afterwards, but if it’s other wise, well… We can keep a good friendly relationship for 2 reasons, not to hurt her feelings and it’s cool to have friends that loves you, I believe with time she ll learn we cant be together. Personally I think it’s OK for a lady to make the first move as long as she doesn’t acts desperate about it… That can be a turn of for anyone male or female.

  20. Dele A

    November 5, 2016 at 6:49 am

    It’s only an issue if she’s making the move on an immature guy just because he’s popular or rich.
    He might make her regret the move.
    But certainly not an issue with a mature guy who will appreciate the boldness and cherish the woman for all time.
    Ladies only should know when to make such moves towards men and not boys!…

  21. Ememobong

    November 5, 2016 at 7:08 am

    Been there done that quite a few times, I think it’s better for a man to Woo a woman than the other way around, just ask Leah. Rachel enjoyed that marriage, the only thing that kept her up at night was the fact that she initially could not have children and na she put herself for work because Jacob was not complaining, he loved her regardless of her childless condition. On the other hand, Leah had to work extra hard to get noticed by her own husband hence the delivery of children by her and her slave girl every five minutes. Even at that, Jacob did not send her. Eventually when Rachel had a child, that child became Jacob’s favorite. When a man loves a woman, it shows. When he doesn’t love a woman and said woman insists on being a part of the man’s life at all costs, it becomes a chore. Leah may have been married and had kids but she definately wasn’t happy!

  22. someone

    November 5, 2016 at 9:09 am

    To me, its not black or white. It may work or it may tear u apart or if ur lucky, a honest guy would turn u down. Guys find it hard to say No to ladies, so some will use it as an opportunity to take advantage of u. I’ve experienced it personally. We were friends first and she was going thru a breakup. She brought it up and I didn’t have the heart to say no. I wanted it to work but it didn’t cos there were stuff I couldn’t just cope with. Long and short, I broke it up.
    Some men like to chase(not all) and some women like to be chased. In summary. If u want him so badly, u can ask him out but do so at ur own risk

  23. Joshua

    November 5, 2016 at 9:52 am

    Most times when a woman reaches out first to a man, she gets rejected. Most men see such a woman as being desperate.

  24. EmmA

    November 5, 2016 at 10:16 am

    Nkem, if I were a woman I probably would not. As a guy it is work enough to make the move, so a female version of myself would have cold feet. But as guy I would appreciate a gul that makes the first move. Great writeup by the way

  25. Laura

    November 5, 2016 at 11:06 am

    @ndidi great! You’re on the right track!!!! Step by step… ? oh just make sure he isnt shady ie he’s married or something…. Unless youre into that stuff… Other than that have fun and be yourself!!

  26. Ope

    November 5, 2016 at 11:09 am

    If I dig her,I give her my all. If I don’t,def not going to pretend to and def not going to take advantage or make her feel shitty

  27. AceOfSpades

    November 5, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    You people should wait o. Shebi Chimamanda said that you should do things and not say you can’t do it ‘because you are a girl’ and everyone was applauding her and someone said her brain should become a tourist site where people will pay to explore. Loooooooool

    So it’s now wrong to ask a guy out ‘because you are a girl’. It’s now the guy’s job to ask a girl out. Some people have two mouths sha!

  28. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    November 5, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    I usually feel some type of way when writers come in the comment section kneeling town, saying thank you for reading, arguing, or trying to get their points across here.
    Allow BN publish your article, read the comments, pick whatever you want you pick and keep it moving.

    Don’t make things awkward for people who actually want to be objective but they think oh she’s going to reply and she probably would think I’m hating. So what if one is hating? Everyone cannot like your work. Or you’d rather all comments be “wow! I enjoyed this” just because you’re lurking somewhere in the comment section.
    Nkem, you seem to have a predilection for this.

    • "changing moniker"

      November 6, 2016 at 1:10 am

      Word!!!!!
      Commenting on her articles can become tedious, with all the back and forth………

  29. VOltron

    November 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    All the so called bahd girls i knew in the uni married quickly and presumably well ‘cos they all married whom they wanted. The goohd girls? hmmmm some of them are yet to get married. The ones that did ,didn’t marry the guyz they wanted.

    What happened? Well, while the Bahd girls where showing green lights and if need be flash the green lights sef on the faces of these good guys, the goohd girls were busy erecting banger knockouts around them. Which inadvertently scared the goohd guys and didn’t faze the bahd guys.

  30. ijeoma

    November 6, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Loving this, keep it up Nkem

  31. Ennycoolwater

    November 7, 2016 at 2:44 am

    There,s nothing wrong in a lady asking a guy out but I’d rather ask a lady out because “Ori ni a nfi mu eran ni awo” plus I do have a type. Whatever floats your boat though. God Bless!!!

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