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Tajé Prest: Is Your Man in the Closet?



taje prest bellanaijaSo lately I’ve been hearing a whole lot of crazy stories that are honestly quite terrifying. For some of the stories I was shown proof! Insane! They all go along the lines of this babe’s husband is sleeping with this other babe’s husband. Yes, husband.

Initially I wasn’t going to write about this topic because I felt like people just aren’t ready to hear such things in Nigeria; but with the amount of things I’ve heard in the past two months; some I definitely do not believe and some are way too deep to comprehend; I have to say something.

I have three questions for my ‘down low brothas’ why are you down low? Is it because you are ashamed of your desires or because society won’t accept you?

Why are you getting married to women who are blind to the fact? Is it to save face?

Are you bisexual or simply gay pretending to be straight and dreaming of men when you sleep with your women?

In all honesty I understand that our Nigerian society isn’t very open minded let alone accepting of ‘gay’ people or men that even choose to act & dress differently and I know it must be difficult to live in such a judgmental society but don’t you feel sorry for the woman you are deceiving? Or do you love her enough to sleep with her but not enough to forget the male attraction? I have so many questions.

An everyday Nigerian will go into the fact that it’s forbidden in the Bible but let’s leave religion out of it for now cause there are even men that are married; number one elder in church and will sleep with their daughter’s boyfriend if they got the chance. BRUV!

Here’s my thing – if you’re bisexual or simply gay and due to Nigerian or should I say African society you can’t be your true self and want to marry to save family name; your face etc. Please tell the woman you have chosen, the ones that can stay and accept you for it will stay; but don’t go in with the lady completely blindsided only to be surprised one day, that can kill a person. If she’s in the know, nothing can surprise her. Shoutout to the women that can accept it though.

A friend of mine was telling me about her friend that just found out her husband has been having sex with his “cousin” a guy her husband claimed was his cousin; that’s been staying in their house for almost a year, They have two kids! Crazy or nah? Apparently (I say apparently because there’s no hard facts or surveys carried out in nigeria) 35% of married Nigerian men are sleeping with other men and they’re married to women and have kids! Is there a way around it? Is being down low the only option because of fear?

I also heard some married women found out way late into the marriage and accepted it and have never mentioned to their husbands that they know; one woman told me “Tajé he’s been sleeping with the same man for years but my kids are happy; I’m happy I’m well taken care of, we barely fight, initially I couldn’t sleep with him but after a while I got used to it, better the guy than some evil troublesome woman that’ll try to destroy my home” you should have seen the look on my face, she laughed and said “You’d be surprised to know how many Nigerian women are living exactly like I am. Some both parties are fully aware and just don’t talk about it” BRUUUUUUH! What?

My down low brothas; help my fellow woman and just keep it 100; tell your woman don’t let her hear outside. My girls and I were talking & at the moment every guy that steps to us you gotta check everything about him, background story, girls he’s been with, his mannerisms etc if one can even tell from all that. Honesty is the best policy really.

And my ladies could you marry a bisexual man?

Taje is a popular TV Presenter, host, producer and personality in Nigeria with phenomenal credits from some of the hottest and well-received shows to date, she writes for StyleVitae, AboutThatCurvyLife and has featured on many hit shows on EbonyLife TV and Spice TV. Taje is the resident presenter for DZRPT's hit show - The Wedding Guest with Tajé, and has many shows in store coming up this year. She is also a star on the reality TV show "Here & Now: The Adventures of TASA" "I love the camera and talking is my business. I'm a fitness fanatic; I love to sing and I love Nigeria despite its many flaws. " Instagram - @missvivacioust Twitter@missvivacioust Facebook - Web -


  1. Rain

    November 12, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    This hustler should go and take a seat……….imagine 35percent!!!!!

    • LemmeRant

      November 12, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      Chai. Ebuka has suffered.

    • Toja

      November 13, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      I thought taking it in the butt hurts like hell.. Well looks like the lubricant industry in Nigeria has started racking up. You’ll also be surprise that it is the manliest of men or married ones in this matter that are gay. Awon Bobriskyy followers.

    • Roh

      November 12, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      More married women are lesibians

    • Lovina

      November 13, 2016 at 6:11 am

      yes a lot of them too.

    • Tosin

      November 13, 2016 at 11:55 am


    • Busola

      November 13, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      I’m really scared for the future generation. I’m scared for my kids. With this general believe that almost everyone isn’t straight. …and the societal pressure, trying to twist everyone’s mind to believe that they are not straight. With this pressure, you can’t have friends. If you have same sex friends, they will say you are gay/lesbian.

      I’m really scared. Gone are the days when it is okay for you to live in the same room with your friends.

  2. tobi

    November 12, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    A lot of nigerian men are closet gays.

    • Lailatu

      November 12, 2016 at 10:16 pm

      How do you know,you one of them? So they are no more philanderers abi.

    • Abdul

      November 14, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      If a lot of Nigerian men are closet gays, why are we not addressing the root of the problem. We focus on the surface and target certain people. There are a lot of contributing factors, all boys and girls boarding school, molestation from same sex and sexual preference.
      I was molested by an uncle at a young age for a long period of time and it’s not something I’ve shared with anybody. I also attended all boys boarding school which expanded on my experience. When I had sex at my own volition for the first time, it was with a guy which was also another traumatizing experience.
      At 17, I had an aunty(not related just a neighbor) who invited me over and practically forced herself on me. I visited her frequently when I was home during holidays until she scolded me one day and sent me home. So, when I attempted to have a girlfriend, it was usually with older woman. I struggled with my sexuality till adulthood. Not all men who have slept with men before are gay, some it was circumstance that brought them to it, some did it out of curiosity, confusion and some are strictly gays but doesn’t mean they want to own it and live it openly no matter how accepting the environment is. I also messed around with girls because I am attracted to women. And women love me.

      I moved to the U.S for my masters program, it was a burden lifted off my shoulder because I felt free. However, the freedom led to other things that changed my life forever. I went to therapy/counseling where I became even more conflicted and confused. I stopped therapy all together. I don’t go to mosque, church and I’m not that religious. But I said a simple prayer to God, please save me. That was the beginning of my new life. I became more convicted and there was a level of peace of mind. All of these are sins, whether it’s homosexuality, fornication, adultery, lying,etc Let’s repent and try to live based on morals and values. I’m happily married now with three beautiful children, I told my wife about my past. I don’t have any urge/interest to sleep with any man not even another woman except my wife. I pray to God to help me be a faithful husband, father and just a better man.

      Everything in this life is a choice whether it’s a choice you made yourself or someone made it for you directly and indirectly. Homosexuality is a choice just like how heterosexual is a choice. The argument of, why will gays choose such a place like Africa where there’s zero tolerance for gays is not valid. The same applies to why people still smuggle drugs to countries when they know the consequence but still choose to do it or why do men/women still have unprotected sex when we know the risky consequences. Another argument is, some gays know from young and are born that way. Well, I gravitated towards other boys at a young age because in my case that was my first sexual experience but I’m not gay. It’s not possible to be born gay, when some become gay later on in life, some start young and others fantasize what it’s like to be with same sex.

    • Nissa

      November 14, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I think we definitely need to talk about these things more. We can’t afford to continue to treat it as a taboo subject or sweep it under the rug anymore.

    • Damilola

      November 14, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story. If we can be more open to one another we can learn one or two things about life. I respect how honest you are and your perspective on it,

    • Shanaka

      November 23, 2016 at 11:37 am

      I’m so sorry for you. living in so much denial and self hatred must be hellish

  3. Babe

    November 12, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    I agree with you. If you’re gay or bisexual and you have to marry for some reason, please tell your wife. Ah ahn! Somebody will now get married and discover one thing. But another problem is this country. Let them just legalize gay marriage instead of deceiving themselves. Gay people are just human beings like us who fall in love and want to be happy. Why stand in the way of that?

  4. emmy

    November 12, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    This is really scary!! but I have to ask, what is so wrong with bringing religion into issues. I am genuinely asking and I will appreciate an answer.
    I ask because I believe people use religion as the guidelines in life so why do we tell people to separate it?

    Anyway, If the government revokes the 14 year jail term, people might as well **** what society says/thinks and stop all these rubbish.

    • Iris

      November 12, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      She answered that question. It is hypocritical to bring in religion because adultery gets a pass in Nigeria by many. When it turns to a discussion about homosexuality God is suddenly at the forefront

    • Marlvina

      November 12, 2016 at 6:26 pm

      Adultery gets a pass how? Who says so?

    • Jade edo babe

      November 14, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      Homosexuality will always be frowned upon even in societies where God is not discussed like that. It’s just an unnatural act biologically whether we like it or not. Homosexuality is strictly sexual gratification. Lesbians believe other women know what we like, so can sexually satisfy them. I’ve read men’s G spot is inside their anus, and who better to dig in there, understand it than another man. Unless a woman is willing to put some toy in there, I doubt it will feel the same.

    • Absalom

      November 12, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      Bringing religion into these matters is what caused this problem in the first place. When people think their “guidelines” for life should be guidelines for everyone else; and they stifle and punish choice and biological difference, this is what you get.

    • Bimbo

      November 13, 2016 at 6:14 pm

      Emmy , you eat meat abi? According to Hinduism that is wrong – they worship cows ! One persons religious guideline is another persons religious sin. Which is the reason why secular societies are best – they de- emphasise every religion so people can live in peace ! And morality does not come from religion !

  5. Lois

    November 12, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Bukandi go soon blacklist you sharply!
    Is it about all these I truth wizard?

  6. hadiza

    November 12, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    I don’t pity those women at all. They chose those men, so they deserve what they get. When we start learning to stay clear of men, our lives will be better. If u want a man, be ready to deal with his baggage. I don’t feel sorry for whatever u are going through, u chose that life. All men are beasts.

    • artklub

      November 12, 2016 at 5:52 pm

      hadiza babe, i read your comments and sorry for whatever happened to you. just know that this moment too shall pass. life is not black and white. you go to the extreme to relieve the pain. life is better more to the center, especially because bitterness is a burden. feel better.

    • Nahum

      November 13, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Lmao!!!!!!! Wicked!!!

    • ATL's finest

      November 12, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      @Hadiza who finish your life like this? Stay away from men & life will be better? Speak for yourself boo & if u decide not to marry or whatsoever, that’s fine & its on U. Ok then, u stay away from men & say Hi to been a Lesbian. After all there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that too.

    • KMT

      November 12, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      I wish your mother had stayed clear from All Men especially the poor basterd that father you. Or prehaps your dad could have worn a damn condom and saved the world from your man hating comments!!!!!!

    • o

      November 12, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Haba!!??!!! Please be nice. She actually needs to be shown love not these hard words

    • The real D

      November 13, 2016 at 3:27 am

      I usually would not respond to comments like this but I am actually curious especially since I had an issue with the way the entire write-up anyway and I am going to try to use this opportunity to address your line of thought.. Since I know of many lesbian relationships from our all girls boarding schools in Nigeria, what do we do about those “gehs” that pretend to be heterosexuals but have homosexual and/or bisexual fantasies? or those that pretend to be homosexuals but have heterosexuals fantasies? i.e maybe bisexual. This topic addresses men like the issue is peculiar to a particular sex. It is not!!! just as there are deceptive men, there are deceptive women as well. Do we then suggest staying away from all Human beings? being a total recluse is not possible.
      People being real harsh with Hadiza are really not being helpful either: you see a lot of articles bashing men and solely focused on the issue some men bring into relationships, acting like the XX chromosome half of the population (worldwide) are saints and we are surprised when people buy into it??? What do we expect? We have demonized men and the entire marriage institution and then blame and berate people that have bought into the same things we have told them time and time again. How is that for reasonable??? I think BN should also endeavor to stop publishing articles like this, i.e totally slanted and biased. It also do some good to have articles that celebrate the institution of marriage.

    • keks

      November 13, 2016 at 10:42 am

      This is a really dumb comment ???

  7. You

    November 12, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    NEVER will I knowingly marry a bisexuality man. But then again how many women will really know?? Cynthia does not know her husband is bisexual or even gay. The fear of diseases and cancer and wearing pampers should be the beginning of wisdom for this people. Why even bother putting a woman through this,? Just travel abroad and go live your life in peace.

    • Lai

      November 12, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      @ You, your comment is downright mean and unnecessary. How sure are you her husband is gay or bisexual? Pray not to be a victim of malicious rumors.

  8. Marlvina

    November 12, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    Hmm this controversial issue trending. It applies both ways anyways. Today, we also have several lesbians who are married too. When Bae is out to work, they call on the other ladies. I’m suspicious of one who lives beside me. I keep seeing this young ligt-skinned particular lady coming to stay in her house whenever her ‘offshore’ husband aint around. The moment her hubby returns after 4wks, trust me you won’t find that lady around. It’s just too obvious for me not to notice, cus it’s been happening. I’m tempted to pick up my phone one day to record or take a snapshot of the lady (jst in case wahala burst someday, I gat evidence ?) Sad enough! I really dunno what’s going on in our society. Cld it be western exposure? Cld it be influence from others around us? Cld it be the things people watch? Porn etc? Cld it be that people are born that way as some may argue? The issue don tire me sha. May God intervene.

    • Ify

      November 13, 2016 at 12:51 am

      Stay out of ppl marriage is not ur business if she’s gay or not is her husband problem

  9. Ru

    November 12, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    Hmmm… I no fit oh. I agree that the deception is the wicked part. If you’re gay but want to get married due to family or societal pressures or for whatever reason, then look for a woman who will be okay with living that lie with you.

  10. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    November 12, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    As long as the society stays condemning homosexuals left right and center, stuff like this will continue happening and there’s really nothing to be done about it. The “weak” will go ahead and marry for cover and to please society while the “strong” will defy society’s self-righteousness (Que se joden) and stay true to themselves.

    I’m happy gone are the days when peeps were mega naive and saying ridiculously stupid stuff like “He’s not gay oh. He’s married” lol. Eyes don dey open wella.

    For them ladies, the koko now is to pray that if a gay man is your portion in this life (Yes oh, I said it fa! Your God given portion), he’s the type that has a steady boyfriend and is responsible…..not the unruly irresponsible type that will be attending every bareback sex parties in Lagos etc,

    • Esther

      November 13, 2016 at 12:32 am

      Wrong is wrong, which is the reason there’s a need to condemn. things. It’s like saying as long as we accept sin then we human beings will stop doing things secretly. Why do you still lie, cheat, fornicate, gossip secretly, will you become open with it when it’s widely acceptable? We hide things because our conscience tells us it’s wrong, and we want to put a certain image out. Homosexuality is widely accepted in the U.S, and people still do it on the down low. It’s an ego and pride thing. Some people live their own truth without caring about what others think. Until we human beings become honest with ourselves, that’s when we will stop deceiving ourselves and stop the hiding. It goes to men who live on the DL.

    • Ade

      November 15, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      That responsibility shouldn’t be put on another person, it’s not anybody’s fault you are living a down low life but yourself. Be truthful to yourself first. The society will always condemn, and live up to a certain standard. Fornication used to be a taboo, where it was almost forbidden to mention sex if you are not married. Now it’s more acceptable because people became more honest with themselves. This applies to gay people, if that’s what you’ve chosen in life stick to it. If you are curious be honest about it too.
      America, is trying to be more conservative while Nigeria is trying to be more liberal. Very interesting.

  11. Idomagirl

    November 12, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    The timing of this post tho…?

    • TP

      November 12, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      In all this, I really feel sorry for Cynthia. Poor girl just had a baby and she already has to start dealing with rumours of her husband being gay/bi. Taje, this post is really a bad timing and you haven’t said anything new or insightful. You just want to add fuel to the rumour. It’s quite disappointing especially because I expected you to know better.

    • Mr. Egghead

      November 12, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      The timing of this article is simply insensitive. Ms. Prest ought to know better than throwing childish subs.
      Taje show that the concept of ‘friends’ in modern society is almost dead.

    • Curious

      November 13, 2016 at 5:59 pm

      Please, is there something going on that we don’t know? Asking because of your reply about timing. What gist is that I haven’t heard? I am doing #TatatoUnited 🙂

  12. Bubu

    November 12, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Please my sisters, pray very well before you get married. God can reveal things to you. I can tell u this for a fact. The heart of man is desperately wicked, who can reveal such deep things..

    • Anon

      November 12, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      So the ones that it happened to, they didn’t pray well? Their mothers’ prayers didn’t enter heaven? Or it was out of “desperation” even though many times the guy goes out of his way to be the perfect gentleman to make the woman fall in love with him and never suspect him. Religion is great, but I’m beginning to see its the perfect thing to add to a conversation when you don’t know what to say or can’t think critically. Nigerians can’t tackle ANYTHING without religion and it’s not like we add works to it

    • Obi

      November 14, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      Stop getting over yourself. The problem with some of you self acclaimed ”intellectuals” is that you want to relegate the power of prayers or taking some of your issues to God. God works and yes prayers actually changes things. I know cos i have experienced it and i am also well educated. She never said those victims didn’t pray , shes just advising that people pray harder and submit all to God in their choice of partners.

    • Ade

      November 15, 2016 at 12:56 pm

      Prayer without work is nothing. The hard truth that we humans are trying to run away from is, everything in this life goes back to God. Basically, we can’t take God out of anything because HE is everywhere and when we do there will be consequences for it. Prayer has been abused, religion has been abused, God’s name has been abused but God’s truth still remain the same. Some people are praying but not listening. Some are praying but not submitting to the Holy spirit. Some are praying but not using their brain, mind, logic that God has blessed them with. God will speak to us about something but we still do our own thing then turn around to say it’s God’s will. Then it goes wrong, we don’t take responsibility.

  13. Iris

    November 12, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    I’m sure many men are in the closet, but why throw out a number like 35% if you’re going to say there are no hard facts to support it. Did she conjure the number?

    • Curious

      November 12, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      The fact is the there are no facts to support this stupid claim. I think you should write an article about closet lesbians too!!!

    • me

      November 12, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      you are stupid to say there are no facts i almost got into a trap. Its true !!!

    • curious

      November 13, 2016 at 12:34 am

      @me, I was going spit venom and stay all sorts of nasty things to you….but I made a decision a few hours ago never to descend so low, to the point of exchanging insults with people I don’t know on social media.?its funny that just after making that decision I open a page and I am already being tested!!! wow!!! my dear if you have facts to support your claims please present them….I guess you carried out a survey and came to your conclusion right? how many married men do you know among the 182million people who live in Nigeria, and how did you come to your conclusion… you almost got trapped? then please tell us our story…and how does that make the other men in Nigeria gay??…. well till then peace and a happy Sunday to you ?

    • curious

      November 13, 2016 at 12:36 am

      @me, I was going spit venom and stay all sorts of nasty things to you….but I made a decision a few hours ago never to descend so low, to the point of exchanging insults with people I don’t know on social media.?its funny that just after making that decision I open a page and I am already being tested!!! wow!!! my dear if you have facts to support your claims please present them….I guess you carried out a survey and came to your conclusion right? how many married men do you know among the 182million people who live in Nigeria, and how did you come to your conclusion… you almost got trapped? then please tell us our story…and how does that make the other men in Nigeria gay??…. well till then peace and a happy Sunday to you ?

      Sorry for the previous typos…..

  14. artklub

    November 12, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    until some people learn to tolerate others differences, they continue to back themselves into a hole. homosexuality exists and co-exists with heterosexuality in life and in nature. fact.

    • Author Unknown

      November 12, 2016 at 7:22 pm


  15. tosin

    November 12, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Funny enough I think we have more lesbian wife’s pretending to be straight than gay husband.

  16. Nene

    November 12, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    A lot of women don’t care cuz there are more lesbian/bisexual women in Nigeria than the bisexual/homosexual men. As the man is doing, his wife is also doing her own. As for disclosing the truth to your wife or wife to be, some women can get their men into trouble now that homosexuality is a crime in Nigeria. I would not like to find out my boyfriend or husband is gay. I won’t be happy about it at all.

    • Curious

      November 12, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      Homosexuality has always been a crime in Nigeria…..

  17. Observer

    November 12, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    I honestly feel for ladies married to gay men. Statistics reveal that gay men are at greater risk of contracting HIV as well as other deadly STD’s. If they get it and transfer it to the innocent unsuspecting wife nko? Hmm Life is a battlefield. I know you said no religion but I will say this; my people pray very well before you marry. He may deceive you and pretend to be straight but he can’t deceive God. If you are a genuine child of God, He won’t let you walk into such a deadly trap.

    • Author Unknown

      November 12, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      The beginning of your comment right here lies the problem. You don’t think the married men are the first victims?

    • Commodore

      November 12, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      No, gay men are not at any “greater risk” of contracting HIV than you or your mother.

  18. Ehl -HO -EhL

    November 12, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Coming soon …… Sip my tea

  19. o

    November 12, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Is Taje using style to tell us she saw proof of the story that broke some days back????

    Society should stop putting pressure on ppl to get married. I’m sure most of these down low ppl would prefer to remain single n continue their down low life but pressure from every corner. Pls if you are bisexual, tell your partner. If you are gay don’t marry the opposite sex except he/she is gay too or come out clean. It’s plain wickedness to deceive your spouse. Kind of news that can cause shock or high BP later. Infact such marriages should be annulled, they were built on deception…

  20. TayGay

    November 12, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    When you people condemn them when they don’t marry and attack them on BN, facebook and twitter, of course they’ll save face and marry you people and your sisters. The same women that pick on Banky and Uti for not getting married (not saying they’re gay it’s just an example). Shebi you guys say it a choice and they can go for deliverance to remove it. Eh, they’ve chosen you now. You guys have NO IDEA how many of your Nigerian men are gay. You have NOOOO IDEA and it’s funny because you’re the ones who put them in that exact situation. Many of them even go as far as openly cheating on their wives to further cover their tracks so you guys have really played yourselves. Homosexuals have existed for centuries and many of your mothers have “endured” it. Shey you people bash feminists when they say you should leave abusive marriages, better stay put and endure like your mothers did.

  21. Amara

    November 12, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    Honesty is really the best policy.I can’t even imagine me walking in on my man having sex with another guy or try to visualize it.My heart will definitely fail me.In another twist of event,will a guy really accept a bisexual wife or a lesbian pretending to like guys…I absolutely think NOT.

  22. justin

    November 12, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    its unfortunate that we have a world gone astray with erroneous belief.we are quick to remember God in times of trouble and also quick to sideline him in matters dat we find pleasing to us…if there is nothing wrong with being gay that means its also not wrong for a human being to sleep with an animal…the world system just keeps turning Gods ways upside down…..and my dear nt all men are beast, you’ve only been associating with the wrong set0

    • Truth.

      November 13, 2016 at 4:22 am

      God bless you @Justin.

    • musingsofjudgejudyjudy

      November 13, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      Thank you Justin.

  23. Khaleesi

    November 12, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    This article is just really shady. One would think friends don’t betray friends. Let us not act like we don’t know what this is about. We all know who Taje is writing about and it’s more surprising that these people are her friends. Taje, welldone for this plain gossip. Gay shaming is not good.

    • Anons

      November 13, 2016 at 1:06 am

      It’s NOT gay shaming, so people are no longer allowed to speak their mind anymore. what about when there’s an article about cheating, adultery is it “men or cheating shaming”.? There’s nothing shady about this article, you are the shady one here. She didn’t even mention names here but you are speculating she’s referring to her friend. Is her friend the only rumored down low man in Naija. And nothing wrong if she’s using her friend’s experience to start a conversation? This world is getting crazier and crazier each day. Is this what end of times look like? Quite scary. We need to have honest conversation and bring awareness to certain important things that are swept under the rug.
      You see things differently when it hits home. I never thought this will even be something I can relate to. There’s a high number of closet Nigerian gays who are doing it for different reasons. The man that I married is one of them. I’ve asked him questions, are you gay? are you bisexual? are you just experimenting? or are you doing it to gain more power, money in the society? Which he angrily responds, he’s not gay because he likes women. Until I spoke to more women, young and older women the shocking part was the fact that it was more common than I thought. Some women were blinded and some are aware but have come to accept it. In my case, I was completely blinded but became suspicious which led to him being caught. The marriage is over for me but both families are begging for me not to divorce which is more hurtful. I don’t even know what to say, just pray it never happens to you especially if you are not about that type of life.

    • Anon2

      November 13, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      Dear Anon…….I am sorry for your situation. I believe you are still young, so if you are truly disgusted deep down, I feel its best for you to leave the marriage and start a new life… If you have faith you will surely meet another man meant for you. Or you can start dating on the side and when you feel its leading somewhere you leave.. I truly wish you peace of mind. Please don’t accept your family’s offer if you are not at peace because you may start feeling resentment towards them. Are you financially stable? You could rent a flat and give yourself space and time to think until you are sure of what step you want to take.

    • Aunty

      November 13, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      Honey you would have to myopic to not see that this is a shady article. She doesn’t have to mention names because those who are smart enough to grasp the implications of this article would know exactly who she’s referring to. Now while what happened to you is quite unfortunate, you are now in a better position to start an honest conversation unlike Taje, who has no personal experience on the topic and who is not seeking to encourage meaningful discourse on the topic. Finally people are free to speak their minds, but they should do so when their information does not arise from unsubstantiated rumours and when their conversation would not contribute further to ruining people’s reputations.

    • Seriously

      November 16, 2016 at 1:10 am

      Sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what you are going through, it’s not easy at all. Stay true to yourself and don’t listen to family who advise you to stay and be hurting.
      I will prefer for my friends to be open with their discussion than talk crap about it behind my back. All of you guys bashing Taje are guilty of gossiping, you are not any better if you do it behind your friend’s back. And just because she covered their wedding doesn’t mean they are best friends now. Nobody responded to the article which is an important topic to discuss but bashing the author. This is why Nigerians will forever be in denial about everything including the government.

  24. Olly

    November 12, 2016 at 7:29 pm

    I can’t get over my paranoid state.. first it was a man I grew up with getting caught being gay..he’s married with 4 kids. I couldn’t eat for days,now this ebuka story.
    God please help.

  25. Chizzie

    November 12, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    What happens when a hypocritical society won’t allow people be who they really are. Also our culture that places way too much emphasis on marriage and mandates it.

    Tell the average Nigerian that you don’t want to get married and they’ll give you the oddest looks.

    We really had a long way to go, and im glad we are atleast beginning to talk abt these things. It’s up to our generation to be more tolerant of our kids sexual orientation or preferences, or this circle continues

  26. Busarni

    November 12, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    Sips tea!!! Clears throat!!’ Side eyes!!!! Taje, this is wrong timing. I don’t know that this is news; Nigeria being a society that love lies. They are in our face, actors,musicians., pastors, politicians, etc God soon come please.
    If you love men then go all out and do men; if you love both ; strike a balance but then tell your wife to be. Gosh,,,, tueh !! Nothing surprises me anymore though.

  27. kechi

    November 12, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    As far as Nigeria is concerned, Gays will keep marrying straight women, Nigeria women don’t no dey take eyes see fine men,women will still fall victim to Banky w,and Uti ,women don’t care,all they want is to be call mrs.

  28. Deillla

    November 12, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    Many Nigerian man, particularly married. Are gay. Accept it or not. Stop discriminating and you may be lucky to escape a homosexual spouse.

    • Lai

      November 12, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      Does that include your dad?

  29. Abominable snow girl

    November 12, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    Please, what news just broke? I didn’t have data for like 2 days…. ?

    • Marlvina

      November 12, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      The news that Donald Trump is gay o! My sister it’s serious o. Poor Melania ?

    • Tell me

      November 12, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      looooool jokes of life

    • Mr. Egghead

      November 12, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      lmao! You savage af

    • Fashionista

      November 12, 2016 at 10:32 pm

      Lool, naughty you.

    • Esther

      November 13, 2016 at 12:35 am

      You would be surprise what goes on behind the scene of top men in power and what it entails to remain there. I see it this way, many people will do anything for power and money. Although, there are also some who are just gay sexually attracted to men. I can’t vouch for anybody because nobody is above sin.

  30. Tutu

    November 12, 2016 at 9:20 pm

    Maybe…just maybe Denrele and Ebuka were paired on lip sync battle Africa for this reason..No? Just thinking out loud. #Okbye

  31. Tiv Girl

    November 12, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    I cringe every time I read articles from writers identifying as journalists/reporters. Not saying Taje identifies as one, but being a media personality should require some form of media training that includes rules of content writing. The worst crime to commit in media is to drop a statistic or quote to your wide audience without attribution. Though she says “apparently” to cover up for the lack of factual verification, it isn’t enough to leave it there. Who is the statistic attributed to? Your best friend? Mother? Relationship mentor? Who? Let’s try not to drop unproven/unconfirmed information without ANY kind of attribution. We may not be a country that thrives on surveys or data collection, but it would help if “guesstimates” could come from experts in the topic of discussion.

    On another note, I think it is extremely dangerous to drop allegations like the above or whatever it is that has been trending without proof, and BN continues to drop the ball on these types of issues. I don’t actually know who the parties are involved, but I just think social media has provided a convenient platform for people to make all kinds of defamatory statements and accusations against others, just to punish/destroy/embarrass them for a variety of reasons.

    If the accuser did in fact name Ebuka, then she should have released, at the very least, a screen shot of the two men that would leave no doubt to the authenticity of their status. She shouldn’t be encouraged to jeopardize another couple’s marriage without cold, hard proof. And this should go for other outrageous allegations on such a damaging level. Any one of us can easily be victimized by someone who we may have upset, without even realizing it, yet many continue to encourage it. BN has clearly abandoned its original principle in favor of the more financially rewarding tabloid form of content. But even in doing so, it still chooses which “friends of the family” to protect and which to throw to the hounds for the benefit of hits and views.

    I don’t think it’s right for ANYONE to deceptively enter into a lifelong commitment with someone else. But unless someone can offer some kind of proof, we’ve got to stop assisting in the growth of such stories.

    BN, you are the most disappointing of everyone. You could’ve handled such a situation in a much more professional and educational way that would have served your audience better. Yet, you continuously fail in this department by allowing many of your writers to post poorly written, poorly articulated and unedited articles that scream more of opinionated/puff piece/bashing agenda than of a genuine opportunity to keep your audience better aware and informed.

    • JustJaimes

      November 12, 2016 at 11:41 pm

      Hunnay in the past three months I know of two weddings and I have attended one where the man was at least bi. Sure the statistics might be incorrect but pretending it doesn’t exist or not talking about it isn’t going to help matters. It’s not defaming or whatever you’re calling it. It’s telling the truth.

    • Nedu

      November 13, 2016 at 7:13 am

      All this long essay for what! You still make no sense. She wrote what she wrote. Bye


    November 12, 2016 at 10:55 pm


  33. o

    November 12, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    But Taje this your timing is very wrong. These guys are your friends. You attend/cover their weddings. This article is just adding salt to injury. His wife just gave birth and now she has to deal with all the rumors plus your article??? Fear God ooo….

    • faggits on the loose

      November 12, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      Its no rumour, I’ve seen the menage et trois vid and all I can say is DAYUMM!

    • Nino

      November 13, 2016 at 1:40 pm

      I kept thinking of this on Friday after I read the story here on BN and my logical mind says it’s 100% true. I may be wrong but here’s why.

      1) if I was accused of being gay and I was not. I think I would have had a stronger reaction to the run ours than twitter and lol-Ing I am late to my own party. ‘My blood will be boiling and lawyers will be suing up and down like crazy. Ebuka is a lawyer abi? So he knows what to do except maybe he can’t because …

      2) there is proof out there that he knows about. I mean how can I be suing people if somebody has incriminating evidence out there waiting for me…

      I dunno really this is all too much. If it’s true though then every member of that clique is suspect and all those boy-cations to Cape Town and Accra and sundry will now make sense.

      Finally Taje, na wa for you. I don’t understand what your motive is but I wish The intentions you had when you set out to write this articles on you. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is wisdom

    • Frump

      November 13, 2016 at 3:13 pm

      Being overly defensive can be a sign of guilt too you know

    • This is a lie

      November 14, 2016 at 11:53 am

      I’ve not seen any video, I’m just trolling, sincerest apologies, esp to cynthia cos she just gave birth. I’m sorry.

  34. Mondela

    November 12, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Hmm dis babe just sell out ebuka, but she’s saying the real truth, this issue need to be addressed. Society have been forcing gay into save face marriages in naija. But I don’t feel sorry for any girl that ends up with a gay husband, a smart girl should be able to know his true sexuality, unless you are some naive virgin or dullapo.

  35. Realist

    November 13, 2016 at 12:16 am

    I honestly don’t understand why you are bashing bellanaija or the author of this article. She is stating the truth here, can we be true to ourselves and talk about these issues cause they are very real. It’s very wrong for people to be deceitful. Why get married at all, if you prefer men, why not just live your truth? Albeit behind closed doors (for the sake of safety). Please let’s stop being hypocritical and bashing bellanaija for daring to talk about real issues going on in society. There are a lot of gay people in our community and the sooner we accept that the better for everyone. I believe in equal rights for everyone, but please we need to have these conversations. Gay men or women please live your truth and stop the sham marriages. It’s very dangerous.
    Friendship or not, if my gay friend was getting married to a female, I’ll call him out on it. It’s wrong. Talking about what the wife is going through this and that,Nigerians and sentiments. They are public figures so they can deal with the consequences of their actions. So because they are your friends you should refrain from having real conversations about what’s really going on? How else can we change public perception and encourage people to treat the LGBT people as normal i this society without sincere dialogue. We cannot keep hiding behind this person is my friend or family member so let’s sweep under the rug. Please pardon my punctuation errors. That’s my 2 cents.

  36. curious

    November 13, 2016 at 12:35 am

    @me, I was going to spit venom and say all sorts of nasty things to you….but I made a decision , few hours ago never to descend so low, to the point of exchanging insults with people I don’t know on social media.?its funny that just after making that decision I open a page and I am already being tested!!! wow!!! my dear if you have facts to support your claims please present them….I guess you carried out a survey and came to your conclusion right? how many married men do you know among the 182million people who live in Nigeria, and how did you come to your conclusion… you almost got trapped? then please tell us our story…and how does that make the other men in Nigeria gay??…. well till then peace and a happy Sunday to you ?

  37. curious

    November 13, 2016 at 12:37 am

    Dear BN I think we might need an edit/delete button please ?

  38. Gorgeous

    November 13, 2016 at 3:27 am

    We have a high amount because in the 80’s and 90’s we had a high amount of people in boarding house. I know of a guy who was raping juniors. He is now married with kids. True talk. He more than likely was raped and abused too. I lost track of the juniors he raped. But I won’t be surprised if they are also gay and married. When the scandal broke in school, he was removed by his parents. I still remember the names of all parties involved. Juniors and the rapist. It’s been almost 20yrs since that incident

    • Gorgeous

      November 13, 2016 at 3:28 am

      He lives in Nigeria and married a Nigerian girl! I shudder when I think about that incident and fear for the woman if she has a son!

    • Wendy

      November 13, 2016 at 4:45 am

      You are right on the money! I think this sexuality saga in our generation was highly inspired by the boarding school experience. As a Shagamu girl myself, the names of some of the lesbians still cross my mind every now and then. I know of only one babe living as a stud but even she’s here in the states. What happened to all the other babes? It’s like they disappeared into thin air or is it into their husbands kitchen now?
      Anyways apart from the double standard of gay men being more stigmatized than lesbians…I think because Nigerian women are generally sexually repressed, the percentage of women indulging in homosexuality maybe slightly lower? Not like it doesn’t exist o! Just lower…
      And speaking of which, my sisters friend brought her alove of 12yrs (since secondary school) into their house and her fiancé caught them in the act…he went on to marry her! I’m sure if he caught her with a man he would have bounced o. If it didn’t happen that close to me I would have doubted all these stats that people are throwing around.

      The main problem in Nigeria is that people don’t ‘believe in’ homosexuality…they pass it off as some nasty habit your spouse can apologize for and get over. Also stop forcing people to marry!

    • Lailatu

      November 13, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      @ Wendy, the reason they disappeared into thin air is that they were not gay to begin with. They were young, curious and experimenting. I went to an all girls school too and I am yet see any one come out as gay.

    • wasiu

      November 13, 2016 at 11:25 am

      what that in FEGO? There was something similar too in FEGO

    • The Real Oma

      November 13, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      @Gorgeous, you are so right on that. Boarding school is where most pick up the habit (although i suppose it is possible there are truly gay people) but most young people are exposed to same sex relations in boarding schools. I was a day-student and i was still ‘toasted’ i am sure i would have had lesbian relations had i been in boarding school

  39. Tim Jones

    November 13, 2016 at 6:18 am

    Sensational write up . 35 percent of Nigerian men Gay ???? Trust me God did not make them that plenty .Taje you have a very vivid Imagination.I recommend you spend more time with fat burning activities than conjuring stories while laying on the couch.

  40. Susie

    November 13, 2016 at 7:19 am

    lol this is really funny cos Nigerians and in fact Africans love to condemn gays and claim they have intentionally chosen to be gay and they can change it. Question is that if being gay is a choice why the hell would someone choose to be gay in Africa of all places where you can even be lynched for being gay? It is amusing to watch politicians & pastors who commit adultery daily lambasting gays. And the funniest part is when they say ‘it’s not our culture’ forgetting that coca cola, jeans and English that they love so much aren’t our culture either. In fact even the religions we practice now (Christianity and Islam) didn’t originate from our continent! We live in a bizarre land. Ours is a continent where grown men can marry little girls but somehow, just letting gay adults be is hard for us. We are a rich continent ravaged by corruption but no, being gay is our most important issue that we talk about non-stop! Meanwhile, homosexuality isn’t new to our continent. Our ancestors just didn’t carry their noses into people’s private bedrooms to investigate what they were doing- they simply turned a blind eye to it. You can ask the older people and they’ll tell you.

    The way I see it, as long as the anti-gay laws remain, we will continue to have this problem. Gay men will continue to marry straight women, causing them heartache and maybe even giving them HIV. Meanwhile, many women can never have their peace of mind because now on top of worrying about women chasing your husband, you have to worry about men too lol. What a mess we’ve put ourselves in. Look, the countries that have decided to accept gays, it’s not because they have three heads o, they learnt the hard way. In the heat of the HIV epidemic when many men on the down-low in some of these countries infected their wives, they learnt that it’s better to leave these gay people alone than to try to force them become straight. After all, the anti-sodomy laws in many African countries originated from the UK but now even they have accepted gays. In my personal opinion, what 2 mature consenting adults do should be left to them. After all, they’re not forcing children (pedophilia) or animals who can’t consent (bestiality) and neither are they sleeping with relatives to produce imbeciles (incest). I think we should let them be. I have said my own.

    • keredim

      November 13, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Loved your comment. Spot on on all angles.

      Though please bear in mind any man or woman(gay or straight) stepping out of their relationship/marriage, may bring home HIV and other STDs, if they don’t practice safe sex outside their relationship.

  41. Remi Tulker

    November 13, 2016 at 8:04 am

    please Google- Nigeria famous LGTB blog/ website.Ladies to go there and learn. BN if you want to read only things you like indicate on the post and stop deleting comments. Happy sunday

  42. Adeola

    November 13, 2016 at 8:25 am

    These things are scary, I don’t presume to know whether the men referenced here are indeed gay or not, only those who are gay know why they are and whether the “this is how we were born is true or not”, after all I am not one so how can I know.

    Logically though, some of chosen it as a way of lifestyle ( i mean how come there is a sudden surge of gay men who were born that way, where have they always been, clearly you must have those who may or may not have been born that way and those who simply chose it as a way of lifestyle, sexual preference, can’t man up and put up with women and would rather be the girlfriend who is being taken care of and whatever other reason( this is me just thinking aloud here and thinking of logical reasons)

    For whatever reason and it also appears now that a lot of Nigerian men are now are experimenting with it. With “gayness” been the new form of sex and shoved around everywhere, it must make the men wonder and the extremely depraved ones experiment, whether they then get to like it and continue with the act, that is another angle.,,,,,,,,,,,, it is as scary as it is disgusting.

    Now with men’s shit the women have always had to put up with, all in the name of that is how men are, they also have to now genuinely fear not mistakenly getting married to a gay man who may actually be gay or may just be experimenting with all its emotional and health related consequences that comes with it. It is just very sad, the world we now live in, sadder the world in which our children would have to grow up in sometimes you wonder what is the point, don’t think the world has ever descended this low to the level of immorality as we now have it today.

    • Adeola

      November 13, 2016 at 8:33 am

      This had too many typos, I had to retype….

  43. Adeola

    November 13, 2016 at 8:33 am

    These things are scary, I don’t presume to know whether the men referenced here are indeed gay or not, only those who are gay know why they are and whether the “this is how we were born is true or not”, after all I am not one so how can I know.

    Logically though, some have chosen it as a way of lifestyle ( i mean how come there is a sudden surge of gay men who were born that way, where have they always been, clearly you must have those who may or may not have been born that way and those who simply chose it as a way of lifestyle, sexual preference, can’t man up and put up with women and would rather be the girlfriend who is being taken care of and whatever other reason( this is me just thinking aloud here and thinking of logical reasons)

    For whatever reason, it appears that a lot of Nigerian men are now are experimenting with it. With “gayness” been the new form of sex and shoved around everywhere,it must make the men wonder and the extremely depraved ones experiment, whether they then get to like it and continue with the act, that is another angle.,,,,,,,,,,,, Whatever it is , it is as scary as it is disgusting.

    Now with all the men’ shit, women have always had to put up with, all in the name of that is how men are, they also have to now genuinely fear not mistakenly getting married to a gay man who may actually be gay or may just be experimenting with its attendant emotional and health related baggage. It is just very sad, the world we now live in, sadder the world in which our children would have to grow up( in which your child is likely to go to school either with children who are themselves gay (and allowed to be), children who are trans( and allowed to be) or who are ‘parented’ by same sex.

    Sometimes you wonder what is the point, don’t think the world has ever descended this low to the level of immorality as we now have it today.

  44. marc

    November 13, 2016 at 9:01 am

    The root of this problem in the Nigerian society is “same sex” schools and boarding houses. When Children are approaching puberty, it is not the appropriate time to throw them into a boys’ or girls’ only school, as well as boarding house, because there is higher probability that their sexuality will be messed up. As parents, we need to know better and guide our kids until they discover who they truly are. You will also realize that even the most straight man, when incarcerated, and kept with same sex inmates, will eventually turn gay or bisexual as the urge to have sex cannot be completely killed. What I have realized in life is that, when you find a solution to a problem, another problem arises from that solution. Let’s save our kids from an evitable problem and pay more attention to them, I might be wrong, but I believe no one is born gay, we are just victims of different life adventures and paths. If the desirable becomes unavailable (which in this case is the opposite sex), the available becomes the desirable (same sex in this case). Say no to boarding houses and same sex schools.

    • keredim

      November 13, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      Marc,people are born with whatever sexuality they are born with. Whether they choose to act on it or not is their choice.

      Some people are born straight and choose to remain celibate (Nuns, Monks etc). Same way people are born gay and may or may not choose to remain celibate.

    • Abby

      November 13, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      I agree with you Marc. So many innocent children are sent to boarding school where seniors and classmates mess with them. One of the facebook guys, I forget his name, said he was sent to boarding school as a heterosexual preteen and came back a gay teenager/young adult. You don’t need Einstein. Also Bisi Alimi himself confessed that a male relative molested him from when he was a young boy.
      Sexuality is like wiring, once the circuit is done wrong and switched on, that’s it. You cannot rewire without tearing it all down.
      Tyler Perry admitted that he was molested as a child by a male relative, and the experience left something in him with regards to his sexuality, he doesn’t want it, but it’s there. Is he gay, I doubt he can answer that question as no with 100% confidence on the inside. Is it his fault? No.
      My friend almost got married to a gay guy who needed. a beard. He was very publicly romantic, took her to Dubai to propose, visited her in London from Lagos like it was with uber. He never kissed on the mouth not to talk of sex cos they were both born again xtians. She wasn’t sure but was praying. She found gay porn in his computer and continued to pray. Until she surprised him at home one early Monday morning to pick up something she forgot and met him at home in boxers with his cousin. It looked innocent until she found used condoms in the trash! She left the engagement ring and never spoke to him again. He want to some FGC in the north, handsome rich yuppy, lots of male macho friends. Lots of sleepovers and housesitting. In groups for each other.
      Shortly after she broke up with him, he married another christian sister.

      Does this mean we have the right to judge and hate, no. Our job is to show love to all mankind……and protect our children. Don’t send your kids to boarding house. Monitor how ‘uncles and aunties’, house help interact with them, trust no one at the expense of your innocent kids.
      After doing all these, some ppl will still turn out to be gay, but at least, they can’t fault their parents/upbringing.
      Also sisters shine your eyes, pray but use your sense, research and investigate.

    • Idomagirl

      November 13, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      There are lots of gay people who never went to boarding school, same sex or otherwise…

  45. Truth teller

    November 13, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    They are darling, it’s a scientific fact!

  46. The Male Gspoteducator

    November 13, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    Nigerian women go online youtube and research the Male G-spot- its like the forbidden fruit if u and your man trust each other he will allow you penetrate his gspot thru the anal cavity where you can reach his prostrate with your finger in a non judgemental manner. Men who dont have this kind of understanding with their female partners then turn to fellow men to experience the male gspot massage experience in secrecy … .not for love ……but instead for a forbidden sexual gratification. This doesnt have to be deviant to society if women provide a safe space to their male partners. A word is enogh to the wise -woman learn the Art of the male G-spot…….even Kanye West enjoyed this Gspot fantasy with Amber Rose #fingersinthebootyassbitch

    • artklub

      November 13, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Not til a man figures out mine!!! Lols, Naija dudes are lazy in #iaintdoingnowrokworkworkworkworktillufigureoutmine

  47. Bimbo

    November 13, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    This is what you get when you bash and shame gay people – they simply go underground because of all the hate ! I feel sorry when I see women bash them cause it’s us women they use to cover up their sexuality! We are the ones that will suffer ! Because we mutual hate we won’t use common – sense ! Continue.

  48. Maureen

    November 13, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Is there any thing coming out of this gay and Lesi people??as in contract or free cash.

    • Dams

      November 13, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      Best comment!

  49. alwayshappy

    November 14, 2016 at 2:32 am

    Good topic, once i saw 2 grown men sit unbelievably close to themselves on a chair that can accomodate 6 people, gumming ass together for one, these men are fathers, these men are “friends”, sadly the wife of one was at the other end of the chair sitting all by herself and in that moment i wondered am i the only one that thinks this is odd? Also men that discuss the sexual activities they have with their wives with a fellow man, it will be published in a book soon and become a bestseller. Truth must prevail, truth will prevail.

  50. nnenne

    November 14, 2016 at 4:49 am

    Murderers are not just people who physically kill by the gun or otherwise.
    If you carry a false story / stories around that causes depression , tear couples apart , destroy people’s hard earned reputation you are simply a murderer.
    Do not spread any story without proof!!!!

  51. nnenne

    November 14, 2016 at 11:49 am

    The week before it was a popular actress and her hubby!
    People called her all sorts of names… wicked heartless insinuated that she slept around that her baby does not look like her husband that she ran away with another man, that her home has broken apart, etc.
    At the end of it all, people will carry their bibles / Quran to church and mosque.
    How can you love God whom you have not seen with your naked eyes if you don’t love your fellow men / women made in his image , that you see every day???
    Character assassination is poison and it kills!

  52. Shanaka

    November 23, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    I almost married a closeted man a few years ago.
    We met on a blind date and really clicked. It was amazing how great he made me feel, how smoothly we functioned as a couple, always on the same vibe.
    When he proposed, 6 months into the relationship, I was stunned but thrilled. How could he be so quick to commit when so many girlfriends of mine were complaining about their non-committal boyfriends of years? Plus the guy was a catch (on paper): practicing Muslim, prestigious education, good job, good looking, loaded family…
    I had to ask him: why so fast? His answer sounded so genuine:
    – I’m 33, had a lot of fun as a young man, now I’m really ready to get married and have children,
    – I want to be truth to my faith and can’t keep on having illicit relations with women
    – I’m an only child, it’s important for me that my parents have grand children while they’re young enough to enjoy it
    – But first and foremost, i found the right person so why wait?
    We got engaged and started to plan the wedding.
    Then 2 months before the wedding, I came back to his condo soon after leaving it because a meeting I had to attend had been canceled.
    When he heard my key in the lock, he jumped out of his bedroom, came to me all shaky, sweaty and nervous and tried so hard to stop me from getting in there that I immediately knew he was on to something fishy. Of course, my first guess was another girl. I was determined to get her out of the bedroom and beat her ass down.
    When I finally got in, there was no one in the bedroom but the bathroom door was locked. I screamed and banged the door. He tried to persuade me, he begged then threatened but I was determined. I finally sat down on the floor, my back leaning on the door and took my phone to call my sisters and friend. I told him “his whore” better get out right now if he didn’t want this to become a family matter.
    He had no choice at that point but to tell “the whore” to come out (no pun intended).
    At that point, I passed out…
    Engagement was of course called off. We only talked about it once afterward. He apologized to me for lying said he really love me, never meant to hurt me. His plan was to keep “this side of him” in the dark. Make me happy, raise a family. He begged me not to disclose it to anyone, wanted us to stay friends.
    I kept his secret, still does but couldn’t stay friend. I was in love with him, I was a mess.
    He got married 2 years later to a very young lady (12 years younger) and had a child.
    I’m still single. My love life never been the same, I have trust issues.
    I totally get how and why some women put up with this situation. If he had told me this himself, presented it the way he did afterward there is a chance that I could have married him anyway. I loved him, he loved me (in a way) and we made each other happy. Obviously I was not enough but I wouldn’t be enough for a straight man either. You see, it’s easy to spin this when you have feelings.
    I’m happy he didn’t though. I’m pretty sure this kind of arrangement will turn into a nightmare at some point.

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