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Worji Matul: Life Behind the Curtains

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dreamstime_m_25131313Looking at everything bright and glittery. Her life seems to be every girl’s dream, turned into reality.  She has the right look, the right style, the right car, the right address and even the right man. Every time we think of her we think “why am I not her”? This is what my life should be. If I had a quarter of what she has (especially the address) I will die fulfilled.

The power of illusions drive us – towards all that is beautiful and frivolous. We are madly ambitious just to be able to acquire “things”. We kill, back-bite, cheat, prostitute just to acquire “things”.

I ask myself, when did these things become so important. Why do these things determine our value and self worth?
Let’s go back to the perfect woman; if you pull open the curtains and go behind the scene, chances are that you will find rot, sloth and every creepy thing that will make your skin crawl. Or not.

I think we should question ourselves: what drives me? Why am I ambitious ? What are my fears, and from whence do they come? Do my fears show my values? The values of my society? When we look for the answers to these questions sincerely in our hearts, will show us what we have behind our curtains. Behind the masks of civilisation that we all wear.

Personally I am driven by a fear of “never having enough”,  of going hungry, of not being able to extend a helping hand because I am stretched past my limit, a fear of “please manage”, a fear of not being able to buy that hot pair of shoes I just fell in love with and might never wear and a burning desire to have the right address (bite me). I am honest enough with myself to know that this influences my choice of a life partner – even though it makes me deeply ashamed. It makes me ask the question: what are my true values?

I can only admit to this because it’s the Internet and I am anonymous. I am also aware that I have the luxury to ask myself these questions because of the advantages in the environment in which I live and that it might be different for others.

I think it is an important conversation to have because it will show us for what we are and our true values. Questioning things is the first step in understanding, even if only on a personal level.

What are your drivers? Thank God the anonymity of the Internet can permit us to be honest.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Worji is currently earning her living as a Recruiter for a HR firm while dreaming about her ideal life and self. Unfortunately the dreams are long on ideals and very very short on workable plans

8 Comments

  1. Osinachi

    November 13, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    Nice piece Worji. Love this

  2. TeeS

    November 13, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    I made the decision to move to US when I was in uni and I had to start over. So I had to constantly push myself against the people back home asking me oh! Aren’t you done ? O ti se tan ni?
    I had to watch my classmates back home graduate , get jobs , get married while I was still struggling with college. Finally graduated and have the job of my dreams that I’m proud of. (Engineer lomo)The people back home where a constant push for me. The BFs that broke my heart too. Ese oh! Because of y’all I’ve pushed harder than ever. I’ve become a better person because of y’all! The constant need to prove to everyone that I’m good enough, that I can be loved because of my accomplishments even if not for me(sad I know). I strive to be the best because I may not have a BF or married so I feel like I’ve got to excel and be great. I don’t have any excuses to not be great and doing well. And through it all God has been with me. I don’t have the best relationship with him. But somehow , he comes through for me despite all my flaws. I’ve got so many flaws that I don’t understand how I deserve his love. But he’s a good good father??. And Hes the one I don’t want to let down. I have big dreams that I don’t know how to even conceive or even start . But I have this overwhelming need to help people out there. I don’t know how yet cus I’m in the engineering field. Long story.
    But those are some do the things that want me to excel

  3. alwayshappy

    November 13, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    selfishness, self glory, self indulgence , self preservation – these are some of the slave drivers and pilots people consciously or unconsciously become slaves or co-pilots too, be wise.

  4. serendipity

    November 13, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    I think initially my drive to be successful came from not being the pretty one growing up, so I excelled in school, being intelligent was my own compliment, doing better than the popular kids. Later it became I wanted to do better because I didn’t want to depend on a man to take me on vacations, buy me nice presents because I’m not a girl that turns heads, I want to do it myself, I have a lot of people to prove wrong (Critics), a lot of people who have too much faith in me ( family and friends), I have set the bar too high. I want to provide everything for my family and prove its ok if don’t have a 1000 followers on IG, have not gone on a holiday with Bae, you always do the right ( boring) thing, life will turn out better than you expect!

  5. Live In Ibadan

    November 13, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    Hmmm…writeups that touch the soul! Thanks for this, worji!

    http://www.liveinibadan.blogspot.com

  6. Rhonyi

    November 13, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    The fear of lack/want drives me, this is probably because I come from a poor home. I constantly try to intellectually outsmart or outwit my “richer” mates so I can be considered for higher roles. I want to have what the rich have, the comfort, ability to provide for my kids. Intelligence and a pure heart used to be my values until I started committing a great sin. Now I’m without values. Can’t confront myself just yet.
    Great piece btw.

  7. Em

    November 14, 2016 at 10:49 am

    Great piece.
    Made me reflect.
    The fear of being broke and unable to afford the basics or lend a helping hand and the fear of ending up without a man push me to do better and seek a better life for myself.

  8. chichi

    November 14, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    I like this article, short as it is it asks you to think. Anyway what pushes me now is different to what pushed me before. I’m learning to have less things but to spend on lasting items instead which cost more but hopefully will last longer. I used to be about the holidays and travel and I don’t think that will ever change, travel is the best gift you can give yourself in my opinion. I have travelled with parents, girlfriends and bae, only thing I haven’t done yet is travel and vacation on my own. But I think long and hard now before I travel. I can be materialistic and like designer items but I definitely stay in my lane. In the end I want to be that woman who does it on her own but the reality is if you find that person to succeed with then that is great. Life is hard enough so work with a partner that is understanding and my personal belief is if you both love champaign and designer clothes alot who will advise who that maybe spending £1000 on an item at certain times may not be the best idea. There is a time for everything. Ultimately I would love to be in a position where I can get my village out of extreme poverty, I’m not close to that yet so I’m driven to keep pushing and finding ways to invest.

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