Connect with us

Features

Atoke: He’s Rich… So What?

Atoke

Published

 on

AtokeRecently, I had a conversation with a friend about his women troubles. His wasn’t the standard garden variety of not being able to snag and keep a woman. Nah! His own problem was the trouble of keeping them away. According to him, he can’t even strike up innocent, friendly conversations with women without being at risk of being sized up for some form of relationship – with marriage at the epicentre of it all.

Here’s a little background to give you some perspective on why this man believes he is such a catch to Nigerian women. He is tall, not shabby on the eye, lean, and he talks a good game (albeit with small hints of Yoruba accent. Just small… you can hear the Egba peeking through a few of his words). He is incredibly smart, and is very successful. He also has money – lots of spare change. Like… A LOT.

He is a chic magnet; and as much as I roll my eyes at his cocky sense of self-assurance, (he swears this is all in my head) I have to agree, that on a list of things that we’re taught to look out for in a man, he checks 90% of the boxes, simply by being ONE thing – successful.

There’s a list of things Nigerian women are expected to have and be, in order for them to be well primed, ready for life and future romantic unions. For Nigerian men, it’s just one thing. Be rich. It is such that you hear stories of guys from your University days, who were described as having ‘no game’, graduating, getting rich and suddenly can’t keep women away. What changed? Nice car. Nice house. Where the ladies at?

So, when my friend was lamenting about women swarming over him, I could empathise. He went on to say that letting women know that he had a girlfriend was not much of a deterrent either. According to him, it appeared once a woman hears there’s another woman in the picture, it’s like he’d set up a seemingly intriguing obstacle, which suddenly must be conquered. The other woman is simply a blimp on the screen of the bright future she is seeing.  I asked him how often this happened, and whether he wasn’t just exaggerating.

No! Do you know how many times a woman has asked me if my relationship was serious?! Like why would I say I have a girlfriend if it isn’t serious?” His voice was now raised slightly, his exasperation seeping through the speaker of my phone.

I’d never thought of this from the perspective of a man. Before now, I’d always given the side eye to women who go on and on about other women trying to sniff around their man. In fact, when I hear such stories, I give a dry laugh and snort: “where’s the man they’re trying to steal, sef?” And often times, I found that when I analysed the man the woman was guarding with her life, it usually ended with me turning up my nose in distaste. Is that all? Who wants to steal this one! Remember when I wrote that tongue-in-cheek article about this? But, the one thing I’d never considered is the idea of a wealthy man, and how much of a burden it is to be a technically single man saddled with money! People have different problems in this world. Some have food but cannot eat.

But, what bothered me even more about his rant, was that none of the women sniffing around him cared whether he was a good guy or not. You see, my friend is a right jerk, and he makes no apologies for it. He isn’t unique or different in his brand of assholeism! He makes no bones about it. Yet, he can’t keep women away. Why are women so anxious to get with this person with a mean streak and a bad temper? Is it simply enough that he has money?

Why do women think you’re such a catch? Do they know about your god-awful personality?” I asked, in the middle of all this complaining about women.

They don’t care now. Besides, how can you call me god-awful when I’ve been forthright with my relationship status?

He actually did deserve a little credit for putting it out there; but what does it say about women? Is the financial stability of a man the most important criterion for picking a man? After all, nobody wants to suffer. This isn’t even about being a gold digger, or trying to reap where one did not sow. On the contrary, it’s more likely  a case of not wanting someone who will come and deplete your own resources.

We live in the age of liberated and economically independent women, so it’s easier to take this explanation as valid – when you think about the quest for a successful man. But at the end of it, here’s what I feel is the real issue we should be addressing: why are men only taught to seek first the kingdom of wealth and success, and every other thing shall be added onto it? Have money, and women will follow – like a moth to a flame.

It’s truly worrisome that money has been glorified so much amongst men that they almost don’t feel the need to have any other form of life values and morals. It’s simply enough to be rich, have a good job and other moral and ethical traits can be dispensed with. If one woman doesn’t like it, another will swiftly fill her place. Who no like better tin?

Money is good, and the capacity to create wealth is important; but is that really truly enough for a new age Nigerian woman? Surely, it shouldn’t be. Are women really not asking for more because we’ve been raised to believe that once  the man has money, every other thing will fall in place? Do we really and truly believe this?

A lot of these cultural expectations come from interesting backgrounds, and then ‘requirements’ are borne of people’s experiences. So, picture this: someone from a low income family who married for love, and all forms of starry-eyed expectations, discovers that it is easier to cry in a Bentley than in a Keke Napep. This person then lays down the law to her child – “Marry a rich man or you will suffer forever. Don’t make the mistake I made.” This person has passed on their reality to their offspring. From there, it becomes, find a man who has a ‘good job’ and can provide for you. Nobody is really considering the factor of one’s ability to actually provide for one’s self.

Then there’s the flip side with men; a man who lost a woman he loved, to someone he perceived was financially better than him. The man then makes it his life mission to have money, or he tell his sons that all they need to do is have money – because that is what it would take to get the girl of their dreams. The next generation man then doesn’t think it is important to be courteous, to be kind, to be decent. Nope! All he needs to know how to do is make money, and be successful.

Success is one of those fleeting things that fizzles without other sustainable values to back it up. When the money goes, what happens to the man you hustled so hard to snag? What happens when he is simply the douchebag who had a good paying job at the time you pulled all the stops to get?

The rich, successful man should simply stop being at the top of a woman’s ‘Goals List’.

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

83 Comments

  1. BigJoy

    December 8, 2016 at 11:24 am

    Yeah! nice one Atoke, A tad long but insightful.
    So truth be told even women that are independent financially want someone who has his own money also. The part i m not crazy about is when women set their sights on men who come out and tell them they re dating seriously…. what can fa? could it be true; No one is ever single, you snatch or be snatched??

    It seems the money craze is here to stay , for me i just want someone that works hard and can provide for the family while i supplement alongside. Perhaps men that have money most of the time have terrible personalities ( Not All). Godhelpsinglegals!

    • Blueberry

      December 8, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      Not even the wives scare them away! If you are rich, you can handle two wives/girlfriends/ concubines/whatever!

    • Darius

      December 8, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      @BigJoy, Wealthy men have terrible personalities because it is PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to be rich and not let it get into your head. It’s only human nature to have an attitude when you are rich. Money intoxicates! Lack of it causes bitterness, anger and inferiority complex. Everybody has a pride streak. Some don’t show theirs because they are broke, and it doesn’t make sense to be a brokeass and still be as proud as a peacock. Don’t you feel as if the world revolves around you when you have something that others would kill to have? It’s PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to be rich and not have an attitude. While some try to hide it, others display it for the world to see.

    • Missappleberry

      December 8, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      I disagree! I know so many rich guys, men, women, kids etc that are rich and are humble or it doesn’t even get to their heads. I think MOST times wealth only intoxicate those who never expected to get it or those who suddenly found themselves in it. However there are still a few in those cases who stay humble.

    • tee

      December 9, 2016 at 12:22 pm

      I once dated a very proud and broke ass guy. All because i dey look for potential. They are not worth it…………bloody dreamers and time wasters

    • LemmeRant

      December 8, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      Since all of y’all are complaining about rich men being jerks, lemme write my own epistle too.

      A typical Nigerian woman would tell you: “All I want in a man is someone who is kind, has a good heart and loves God.” What a load of bull. Men spend all their lives hearing this half-truth from women. ALL THE TIME. I call it half truth cause that’s what it is. They only tell you one part- the part that makes them look emotionally mature and morally grounded. Afterall, no one wants to put off a gold-digger vibe. 🙂
      Now what they don’t tell you is that, that kind-lover-of-God-guy must be a top earner raking in about N500,000+ a month, must have a house in lekki, at least 2 cars, must be good looking, influential, charismatic, travel the world at ease, etc (you get the picture)

      Like I said. Men grow up hearing this CRAP from women only to find out its full of bullshit. (Especially when it comes to Nigerian women) So they set out to better themselves.

      Shebi you lot are still complaining about runs girls selling their body for money- That one still small na. If only you knew half the things men do to get paid……and for WHAT?

      So let me ask you (and please remove all those wishful thinking, fairy tale romance novel story lines from your mind):
      Nigga starts out, gets no recognition or attention from girls all the while trying to be a kind, good hearten, God loving man, but since he’s poor: NO Show. (don’t even get me started on this:- I vividly remember the Sean Tizzle Dj Cuppy article when y’all were dissing tizzle. And the funny thing is: Sean Tizzle isn’t even poor- That’s just the one I remember right now, but you get my point) ……So brother wakes up realizes his only way is to get the paper, but my nigga is also Nigerian so he’s doomed.

      He fights through it all, hook or crook. labours continously, steals, cheats. Some even kill, consults herbalists all in a bid to move up in life. (Shebi we all see the stories of all those Nigerians caught in while trafficking drugs). Then baba finally hits jackpot.

      NOW AFTER ALL THAT, you want him to spend the reward of all that sweating, all that labour, all that hustling on ONLY YOU? (I see this happen over and over again, and all I can do is laugh at the dreamer girl) The same you that didn’t give a damn about his good personalities when he was poor. Gimme a break.
      A lot of guys who are rich and have horrible personalities especially when it comes to girls know that personalities doesn’t stand for SHIT. And you know how they know? They’ve been that guy before. Yh That nice, kind, friendly God loving guy. They’ve been that guy and it didn’t work.

      But I guess being a rich jerk is working cause if not they’d have changed a long time ago.

      Good luck.

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 6:48 pm

      @LemmeRant, this is the best comment I have read in BN. Guy, my respect for you has quintupled. I need to be exempted from tax. I never thought of it like this. Thanks for opening my eyes. You are a genius!..

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 6:54 pm

      You need to be exempted from tax.

    • Jade Edo babe

      December 8, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      @lemmerant
      Na truth u dey talk. But of course naija women will pass through your comment because they will n ever own up.
      The fact of the matter is, Nigerian women are superficial and materialistic. They hide that part and pretend. All the weddings we see on here, they salivate but they have no clue how the money came about. Nigerian girls are competitive and like to show off everything, which is where the “obsession with money come in the picture.
      Abeg leave Sean sizzle mata alone, he’s just annoying. The same women felt like osas should get someone better than Gbenro because he’s not “big” boy. Naija women say kind, good personality to form good girl but deep inside they want a rich man to show off to their friends. Other group of African men complain about naija girls all the time, everything is money money but are the least givers.

      The only thing I will give nigerian women is, many are hard working. They will work for the money and enjoy it

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      @Jade Edo Babe, I love your honesty.

    • nene

      December 8, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      very honest and true comment

  2. The Real Oma

    December 8, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Nice article Atoke,
    i have my own money, i have always had my own money and i will do my best to always have my own money.
    I want a partner who has his own money, who has always had his own money who has the capacity to always have his own money.
    This and a few other qualities are what i look for in a man. Shikena.

    • Ade

      December 9, 2016 at 5:53 am

      “I have my own money” is the main thing you girls love to say. Yet Nigerian babes expect men to still pay all the bills, take them out to fancy restaurants, buy them the latest bags, shoes and pay for all the wedding expenses. So what do you plan to do with your own money?So it’s me that I don’t have plans for mine.
      Nigerian women care too much about money/status with little to give. If you are a simple guy, you are labeled too slow or cheap. Don’t you see what your mates are doing out there like their friend’s boyfriend/husband. I bought an expensive handbag for my ex as a birthday gift, when it was my birthday she bought some matching Chinese ties and socks. Her excuse, I’m not that good at men clothing. She had a very good job, not once did she pay for our food when we ate out. Then she told me, since I make a lot of money, her bride price will be very high bcos she’s worth it. Her arrogance was a turn off.
      . I’m aware of what some of my married friends are going through trying to keep up with their wives high financial demand. A friend of mine complained to me how his fiancee insist on a big wedding but he doesn’t have money for it. I borrowed him some money. Men go through a lot, we just don’t talk about it. Other African girls don’t have it as bad as nigerian girls. I’m currently enjoying this Eritrean finebabe, less wahala. Not once has she asked me how much I make, she’s intelligent, has her own money, humble and she’s good in bed. This is the kind of babe I don’t mind spending money on.

    • response necessary

      December 19, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      Hi Ade, I felt the need to respond to your comment personally because not all Nigerian women are alike. Yes, there are chancers but the fundamentals of any woman with money are that 1) they are not short changed in any relationship because they keep giving 2) they observe the generosity of a man. If a man can’t give you anything when he is rich, then you will absolutely not get anything when he is poor. Yes, some Nigerian women have made it difficult for others but so also some Nigerian men have made it difficult for women so much so that if they loose out physically, they would not loose out financially. Besides, men need to provide, otherwise they feel their manhood being challenged and all sorts of accusations are levelled against the woman. Don’t write every Nigerian girl off. There are those who will equally pick up the tab on the odd occasion or throw down a good something something

    • belz

      December 9, 2016 at 10:04 am

      u just took d words out of my mouth…. tank u

  3. Rubby

    December 8, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Wow,As Always Atoke,ur writeups are always interesting,inspiring et al,I don’t agree that it was “a tad too long” whatever needs to be said,needs to be said….i absolutely agree,being Rich ought not to be top priority which is why we have a lot of broken marriages,Barely surviving marriage/relationships cos “the main thing to look out for in a mate,is no longer the main thing”that’s why they don’t stand the test of time….
    P.s I still miss Atokes Monday banter…this ur one in a while “bone” u throw aint cutting it pls….

  4. esther

    December 8, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Very nice…..

    • Baby gurl

      December 8, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Dear Esther I have been seeing your posts on this issue for about a couple of days now. I don’t know if you are really an Esther and if you really are in this predicament which you claim to be in. I wonder if this is the best platform for you to do this because people cannot see or validate you. BN has this community thing they do. It validates your need. You can apply by sending them a mail. [email protected] I think. Every now and then I lend my hand by the grace of God to someone in need. However, I will only save your account details and I plead with you to contact BN maybe who knows your case will be published and only then will I, along with other people in doubt stretch a hand to you. God bless you richly.

    • Darius

      December 8, 2016 at 3:16 pm

      Awwwwww…[email protected] girl, you are so sweet and thoughtful.

  5. Darius

    December 8, 2016 at 12:03 pm

    This article is so deep and sobering. It really got me thinking. Very few people marry for love these days. Money rules the world. I was at a wedding recently, the groom, a businessman, had a wife already. He wasn’t good-looking. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but it’s the plain truth. The bride, on the other hand, was a breathtaking beauty. She was impeccably exquisite and flawless. I kept wondering why a pretty, sophisticated lady would agree to become a second wife to man like that. “It could be out of pure love,” I thought. After the wedding, I heard through the grapevine that the man is a wealthy businessman. People only drew one conclusion: she married him because of money. You can be as ugly as Shrek. Money can get you the most delectable and gorgeous lady on this planet. For most ladies, financial security trumps every other thing when it comes to marriage. They’ll be like, ” why should I risk my future and marry a guy who isn’t made yet, but has prospects? What if we get married and success eludes him? Why shouldn’t I go for a ready-made man?”

    • nene

      December 8, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      it’s lazy women who think that way, and they end up with the wrong guy. nigerian women have to work on themselves. they’ve created the monsters we now know today as nigerian men.

    • Darius

      December 9, 2016 at 5:17 am

      @Nene, you are absolutely right.

  6. Jade

    December 8, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    My partner ticks all my physical boxes but that isn’t my priority, all I wanted was someone with a kind heart, kindness is really under rated o. You see, even when he is mad at me he is still kind in the way he talks and acts towards me, will still get me food but you will know he is still upset. Also money is very important o, when i met my guy i was in my final year in Uni and he was broke ass living in Aba lol, but thank God for God, he has come into his own but the female wahala is real. Any post on facebook has like 300 girls gushing about how handsome he is, hope she is trying you right bla bla bla, inboxes nko? whatsapp nko? both clad and unclad pictures that will leave you amazed. I have seen the vaginas of girls i have never met nor spoken to, all these is despite the fact that our engagement pictures have been his permanent DP on whatsapp and profile pic on facebook. I don’t even let it bother me cos i trust my relationship

    • Lucinda

      December 8, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Vaginas? He may not be giving them the green light.. You need to be sure he’s not giving them amber light.

  7. mia

    December 8, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    my 2 cents is, every woman should develop herself and her self-esteem to such a level where she will not require a man’s “provision” to survive and she will have zero tolerance for bad behaviour. This is because, you may have your own money as a woman but your self-esteem is so low that you take all the rubbish from a man because you want to keep him. It may not even be a rich guy o, infact, we have seen women who practically fund a man’s daily needs and the man still abuses them. So, bottomline is, develop yourself, be financially independent and have enough self-esteem to walk away from bad behaviour.

    • nene

      December 8, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      yes!

  8. Anon

    December 8, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    I didn’t even finish this article maybe cos most of it isn’t true for me. I can’t count how many guys I have dropped planning marriage who had ALOT of money. The truth is this, in my case, I think character matters more and LOVE is number one sef on my list. I can’t marry someone I don’t love no matter how much money he makes or has! I can’t allow a man even touch me or lie on the same bed with me if I’m not in love with him or not attracted to him simply cos he has a lot of money. Never! It’s possible I’m still old school and maybe that’s why I’m still single at 31. I really do not care! I can’t keep clinging on to “my man is arrogant, oppressive, has anger issues, controlling, competitive, cheats etc but lemme manage cos at least he spoils me with me with money” Never!!! It’s not just my thing. No one is perfect I know but I guess that some people can tolerate some flaws while others can’t. Best to find a man who has all the flaws u can tolerate and then has money as well. Money should never be no. 1. You will never know how much love matters until you are stuck with a rich guy that gives no shit about u or u have to force an orgasm with during sex. I can’t shout abeg! Love conquers all. Good character inclusive!

    • ogeAdiro

      December 8, 2016 at 3:05 pm

      Loud it!!! Edjumacation!

    • RIFF RAFF

      December 8, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      You will never know how much love matters until you are stuck with a rich guy that gives no shit about u or u have to force an orgasm with during sex.

      Chai , horrid sex!!!!
      Most of these loaded guys are whack in bed; The richer the whackier. That is why they compensate with money. Ask them “escort gals”. They know naw….
      Sorry, no one comes in a complete package;ha ha ha

      And that is why their women (when they can cheat without being caught) get it from the gateman who know how to access their very own gate, or the drivers that can give them a good ride, the gardeners who can mow that lawn wella winks winks and gigolo university boys….that can make them experiment the craziest things…..
      Most of these big girls u envy are usually frustrated emotionally and sexually in their marriages

    • Generilization

      December 8, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      Generalization!!!

    • Ada Nnewi

      December 8, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      You are Me!! Once their attitude stinks, swimming in money or not i drop them like a bad habit.. as i make my own money..

    • Hypocrites everywhere

      December 9, 2016 at 12:03 am

      Ada Nnewi, even you, you claim you drop them ‘once their attitude stinks’. Lol.
      I bet your own attitude is so wonderful they discuss it on the radio. Judging by the character you’ve displayed on this blog especially during the last campaign season, I can only pray for heavens to help the man that mistakenly walks into your life.

    • David

      December 8, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Someone give her the microphone!!! I am certain you have a great personality…

    • Anoni Moss

      December 8, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      God bless you. We are kindred spirits. Like how do you live without love??? I just can’t. Not minding I’m 34.

    • Marlvina

      December 8, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      @Anon, I agree with you. Morals play a great role in relationships as love. If you say you love me, it should be expressed in your conduct towards me as well. After all, love is kind. Don’t just lavish me with material things and leave me hurting emotionally and psychologically. Women need attention. Well, we were wired that way. Every loving man should be able to understand the need of his woman. I still can’t understand how a woman claims to love a man that maltreats her? You hear them say to others, I love my husband, but yet he keeps giving you morning dose slaps before he leaves for work daily. Smh!

    • nene

      December 8, 2016 at 9:54 pm

      preach!

    • Girl

      December 8, 2016 at 9:55 pm

      This comment is everything. I get frustrated when people say things like “but he has money, manage.” NO I cannot manage. My God did not place me on earth to manage. He wants me to have an abundant life so why will I settle. I think people underestimate it when the Bible says love is the greatest gift it truly conquers all. With the right man/woman by you, loving you the way you should be loved it makes you strive better at life. Life even with its challenges becomes worth living but see people are constantly selling themselves short. We are in a hurry to our forever. Doing everything but staying in your lane and you wonder why you keep missing your blessing or the right man/woman hasn’t found you. This frustrates me a lot. Just focus and develop yourself and trust God I cannot stress is enough TRUST GOD and watch things fall into place. Stop looking to live the lives of others or looking for financial security in others when you yourself can create a great life. People just don’t know God enough. Seek his kingdom first and watch your life turn around.

    • Nakoms

      December 8, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      @anon.

      You, my dear, are a being of light! Hold on to that inner compass of yours; it never fails!

      Virtue is its own reward.

    • Jade edo babe

      December 9, 2016 at 4:10 am

      @Anon
      Naija girls only believe this in their head but their actions says otherwise. When they see other girls showing off their dubai photos, diamond ring, extravagant weddings and designer bags they start asking themselves where the rich men are located. Money comes first for majority of Naija girls, even our mothers will ask you first what does your boyfriend do which will determine how much money he’s making. If you say he’s a nice guy, na niceness we wan chop. They want to hear, he’s a doctor or engineer or now he owns this or that. Even among girls, the girl dating/married to rich man is almost idolized, the lady who is dating a regular guy will be looked down on. It’s a competition now. Yemi Alade’s song ferrari says the mindset of most Nigerian women.

      Let’s stop deceiving ourselves with all this values and morality because many don’t practice it. If it’s followed we won’t have all these sugar daddies all over the place, young ladies trying to keep up with the jonesses and 419 scammers these men are making money to please women and carry girls. We won’t have so many failed marriages where the women are just managing just because of what they receive from the men. Some women make their own money but enjoy the luxury they get from their men.
      I think it’s because many women have suffered from the hands of “rich” men that’s the only reason it’s no longer as long throating.

    • Magz

      December 9, 2016 at 8:38 am

      I have been seeing your comments and the only issue i have with them, is the generalization. Ki lo de? Naija girls! Nigerian babes!
      Maybe you’re surrounded with girls who love money more than they love good attitude but that doesn’t mean all Nigerian girls are like that!
      Or you mean to tell me ALL NIGERIAN females within the dating age only look for money??? Haba! Put out your comment there but don’t generalize or create a stereotype. Just because majority do it doesn’t mean everyone does it.

    • Jade Edo babe

      December 11, 2016 at 1:41 am

      @Magz
      Abeg jor, when it’s the truth you guys will be claiming generalization and pity. When you women are bashing naija men do you mention generalization.
      Naija women be honest with yourselves and stop pretending. The truth will set you free. When y’all are sucking men dry it’s okay but it’s the other way around y’all start forming #teamindelendent#.
      Majority of naija girls are fake, and materialistic. They don’t practice what they preach.

  9. RIFF RAFF

    December 8, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    … discovers that it is easier to cry in a Bentley than in a Keke Napep
    Who love epp? Those crying in a Keke will ask
    Our mothers loved our fathers and loved hard…..are they enjoying the fruits of that “love”?

    I don’t know if it is the actual poverty that is getting so much that ladies are ready to do /accept ANYTHING to get out of it, or because many ladies out there don’t want to end like their mothers…..

    Atoke, forget about this your person who is complaining. Ladies nowadays can ADAPT to any man and i mean ANY man no matter how despicable of a jerk he may be , PROVIDED THE MONEY IS THERE.
    And women wonder why they get treated like mere commodities….they were bought.
    There are equally poor men who are bad , naw.
    At least with the rich man, u are comfortable financially.
    Is it not recently we all witnessed two “beauty queens” mud-fighting on SM over a rich elderly man….with all that their so-called “beauty”?

  10. Blueberry

    December 8, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Lol @ “Some have food but cannot eat.”
    Lovely write up. I sometimes wonder why women swarm around rich successful guys, yet you don´t see that many men swarming around rich successful women. LOL
    On another note, it is extremely HAAAAARD nowadays to find a rich man that is not a JERK. The crazy part is MOST think it is ok. And for each of these jerks, there is always a fine lady out there ready to take the BS just for the money. Not even your WIFE will stop her from sticking to you!

    Now not saying that men that are not successful are humble or nicer. You do find some crazy ones with mighty “ego” issues out there, that take it out on their girlfriends physically. Run awaaaaaaay from that kind booboo.
    If you find a good, self confident man that respects you, and truly loves you, but is a hard worker and also ambitious (but not yet rich), giiiiiiiirl keep him. It must not always be ready-made. You can make it TOGETHER.

  11. Lucinda

    December 8, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    There’s no woman who would not place rich and successful on the top of their goals list. If they dash you, will you say no? The problem is that some of these men come with character flaws and instead of accepting them like that, women think we can fix or customise him. We like projects and fixing things. The demand for a rich and successful man is inelastic. This is controversial, but same way mixed race girls are treated by Nigerian men. I saw a screen shot recently of a text message. The guy paid for his girl’s dubai trip but she was complaining that he got her economy ticket. His friend was like you know she’s mixed.
    You see something that the demand is inelastic and you go there forming Mr/miss fixer instead of you to respect yourself and be with your elastic demand kind.

    • Lucinda

      December 8, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      Inelastic in terms of how much of a jerk you are and not increase in prices.

    • Chika**

      December 8, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      That’s NOT true!!! I said NO to a successful plastic surgeon. So, there are women like that.

    • Mr. Egghead

      December 8, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      Chika,
      Would you say “Yes” to a pauperized plastic surgeon?

      I think many of the female responses to “Money-doesn’t-matter-to-me” are missing the point. Of course, nobody is saying that you all marry primarily for money or are gold-diggers.

      The point is:

      Many a man will have no problems getting married to a woman who has no money if they like her shape or the way she cooks or some other mundane quality

      Many a woman will not even say hello to who can’t provide financially for himself and whatever future home they might set up

    • LemmeRant

      December 8, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      @Egghead

      That’s the gospel truth. But they won’t admit it.
      They can never admit it.

    • Magz

      December 9, 2016 at 8:48 am

      @Egghead, no one is saying they would say yes to a pauper.
      But the point of the article is the way women make money the top of the list.

      Maybe there are many women who would ignore that a man is a jerk just because he is rich but believe me, there are also women who would walk away no matter how rich a man is if they’re not satisfied with his attitude!!!

      There are women who don’t give a damn about how much a man has if he’s a total jerk, just the way there are men who don’t give a damn about how beautiful a woman is if she has an empty brain.

      @Lemmerant, “they would never admit it” How would you feel if you said “i’m a good man” and then a lady says “it’s a lie, all men are bad but they would never admit it”. Like must we generalize?
      If you only know women who would stick with a rich man despite his bad attitude, then you need to surround yourself with better women.
      i would say more but then your username already suggests you are just here to do one thing – rant!
      Pele s’ogbo?

      Lol!

    • Observation

      December 9, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      @Magz, Men on this blog deal with generalization towards men a lot of times, we have complained about it and not much has changed. Now some have decided to use reverse psychology as a solution. I guess it is the circle of life.

      Ps I don’t support generalization.

  12. Mahka

    December 8, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    That’s how a friend of mine has refused to get serious with so many ladies around him just because he thinks he isn’t financially strong to sustain a relationship. All he says is ‘once I make money, women wont be a problem because they will surely come’. I gave him tips on how he can have almost penny less dates like an evening walk in the park or even try a group hang and he goes ‘which 9ja geh will stroll in the park and not sip coke’, ‘women love money and money sustains love’…
    Money is good, its sweet actually but plssss guys while you at making money also check other xxx characters, it cannot cure arrogance, etc.
    Atoke, you are my friend in my head…lovely article.

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      @Mahka, the average naija babe won’t like to stoll in the park without drinking or masticating somfin. Your friend is making a valid point. He is a realist! Money can’t buy love in all cases sha, but it can facilitate love.

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      …… stroll…

  13. Iphee

    December 8, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    Nice article but missing some key elements

    Less financially buoyant dudes are not ALL “Nice”. A bad man is a bad man rich or poor let’s not turn poverty to a virtue.
    Most women are becoming more financially independent and marrying a man who is less financially successful most times leads to ” stories that touch” simply because ….. typical male Ego
    If most women are attracted to rich dudes then most Men are attracted to beautiful women. Whether we like to admit it or not prettier females have an easier time of it.
    Everyone want a Bella Naija featured wedding or life after all which the poor and ugly don’t get to make the cut

  14. Shalzy

    December 8, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Atoke baby! This is why you’re my personal person! Women these days don’t care oh, I mean who wants to suffer?The thing is sometimes the status, prestige and lifestyle that comes with getting and being with a successful man makes up for some of the stress and troubles most men bring into relationship so it’s natural for women to want these things.

    Anyway my BN people, Biko help a sister out. I need female perfume suggestions that can withstand the Nigerian heat without smelling too strong for this IJGB season and also some I can gift out to my sisters and mom. I’m not a perfume girl so I need help in this biko

    • Nodelep

      December 8, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      Hi @shalzy you can get modern muse/pleasures by estee layder, Bvlgari omnia coral, poison girl by Dior, Giorgio Armani si (any one of them) escada agua del sol. Tory Burch just realeased some new frangraces and they are very nice. All come in small sizes. If you want the high end ones then bvlgari oud calaluna or zahira are ok and last the whole day. Bottega also has nice ones. Hope this helps. Have fun in naija xxx

    • Amy

      December 8, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      LOL…This brought me out. what is your budget? A few suggestions include Candy by Prada, Euphoria Woman by CK, Adnan’s Supremacy Silver, Si by Giorgio Armani, Classique Intense by Jean Paul Gaultier, Bon Bon and Flower Bomb by Viktor and Rolf, Elle She by Giorgio Armani, Velvet Orchid by Tom Ford (Please dont buy Black Orchid. Everybody in Lagos smells of it). These perfumes ranger between 20-40k

    • seyi

      December 8, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      You can also try amour by April by kunbi’s sister her INSTAGRAM handle is estanola. I hear it smells nice. #buynigerian

    • Mo81

      December 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      For this weather, you can do si intense by Giorgio Armani , Flowers ombudsman by Viktor and Roll or Chanel coco mademoiselle, they all last really long, pls check @thescentsstore on instargram

    • Shalzy

      December 9, 2016 at 4:07 pm

      Thank you ladies! I’ve googled these and I’m seeing great reviews all around and they happen to be affordable too. You guys helped a lot. Appreciate it.

  15. slice

    December 8, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    It’s more than money sometimes. Rich jerk guy is also the “bad boy” many of us can’t resist. Then there’s the Savior or Reformation complex that says we can change him. Men are hunters but they don’t seem to know women are too. A man keeps talking to a lady that says she has a boyfriend but is shocked that she keeps talking to him too.

  16. CHIBABY

    December 8, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    We all know Money is not everything. Money is not the key to happiness or peace of mind.
    That being said, i know a ton of guys that are between financially average and frankly penniless, that are still asses. Their lack of money does not make them better men.
    Is dating the penniless guy the key to happiness?
    Its so easy to equate wealth with negativity, forgetting that it is easier to be in love in an Air conditioned duplex, than in a stuffy, face me i slap you apartment. Its just easier.
    And in the 21st century Nigeria, love that is not backed by some sort of solid financing, starts to get frustrating after the initial gra-gra of new love wears off.
    No man is perfect.. So if I’m going to be ending up with an imperfect man anyway, can’t he be at least be rich or financial stable while he’s at it?

    • CHIBABY

      December 8, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      *Can’t he at least be

  17. ogeAdiro

    December 8, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    The problem is our society’s definition of successful. Somehow we believe that being rich makes one successful. That’s why you find people doing crazy things for money. Show me someone who is happy, and I’ll show you a successful person. If money really makes you happy, then ahead ahead.

  18. #proudnigerian

    December 8, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    character over money for me. it can be tempting sometimes but I always put myself in check. If you dont fear God if you like let your teeth be bedazzled in gold I’ll pass ?? I have value for myself ?

    • Nodelep

      December 8, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      That’s so appt. my hubby had nothing when we met he couldn’t even afford to take me to dinner. Our romantic strolls were Tesco and Asda when it was cold. But he had potential that’s what I saw. Now we are very very VERY “sorry for the emphasis on very” comfy .Dated a loaded guy for 10 years off and on. Bbig jerk with a capital J. Wasn’t nice , but too rude, obnoxious and thoughtless. Abeg I wanted my sanity. Who money epp?

    • Magz

      December 9, 2016 at 8:52 am

      Nice! As in! I value my emotional sanity too much to be with a jerk just because he is rich.

      But just wait, someone will soon comman drag your personality with you… they will soon comman tell you that it’s a lie, you’re not like that.

      LOOOL!

  19. MaitamaChicInLA

    December 8, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Wow Atoke! Doff my hat.You are such a great writer. You are definitely a friend in my head.
    Will spend this weekend reading all your posts on BellaNaija, after I finish reading Girl on the Train.
    You mi dear, is awesome sauce!!!!
    Btw, watch the show Insecure with Issa Rae and Yvonne Orji. I think you’ll really like it.
    Also, could you read about Igbo Landing at Dunbar Creek in Georgia (the Wikipedia page) and bless us with an article about it. Pretty please and tanks 🙂

    • Atoke

      Atoke

      December 9, 2016 at 12:37 pm

      Girl! I’m already on the Insecure train like… choochoochoochoo… driver’s seat sef!

      Thanks for reading and for the compliment. 🙂

  20. MaitamaChicInLA

    December 8, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    @OgeAdiro hahahhahahha. “Loud it!!!! Edumacation!” See ehen, you got me rolling. Leave Anon *yimu*
    She appears to have a big chip on her shoulder. Valid points but her writing style bleeds arrogance. Anon don’t worry hunny, life will humble you and knock off that chip pretty soon.

    • Anon

      December 8, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      Yea it will in a positive way. I can’t wait to finally be knocked up by a man I’m truly in love with…with flaws I can actually tolerate as I’m not perfect myself and then…with money (both of us). But love remains 1st on my menu. I apologize if my comment comes off as arrogant lol. I couldn’t really find a better way to put it maybe because most rich guys with rotten characters always feel like they are a trophy and therefore a woman has no other choice than to get them or has no right to say no because of the money they have.

    • Mama

      December 8, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      My dear Anon, you weren’t arrogant in any way and need not make any apologies. Your comment up there sounds like I could have written it myself. People tend to feel intimidated when they see others set standards that they cannot set for themselves. You will definitely find the kind of love you desire, and you’ll have no regrets!

  21. David

    December 8, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    I like this article, to an extent, because it humanises men. But I’d like to point out that beautiful women of all socio-economical background are constantly under immerse pressure from rich men since time immemorial, and fact is that rich women, unlike rich men, in relationships handle such advances and pressure well off. Why? The obvious…

    I know far too many ladies who are well to do and married that are constantly pursued by men riicher than their spouses. Rich men, as stated in this article, use such pressure from ladies as a justifiable excuses for their serial unfaithfulness which is simply bladderdash. The pressure on rich guys is nothing compared to the pressure women of various socioeconomically background enconter from richer men, yet they hardly crack when in relationship!

    Self-control and descipline are virtues we must embrace. Just because you, Mr. Rich Guy, communicated your relationship status with an admirer who doesn’t mind getting down with you regardless, doesn’t mean its not your fault that you succumbed to the person. It may not be your fault, but its STILL your fault.

    Stay faithful or go home!

  22. i am tommyray

    December 8, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    ah, i love this post ooooo. Nigerian women Pls own some self-esteem.

  23. nikky

    December 8, 2016 at 6:49 pm

    Another person’s money is not my money. That’s pretty much how I live my life. My parents money is not my money, my brothers money is not my money, my rich uncles money is not my money etc etc. Why then should a random guys money make me start sizing him up for marriage especially knowing is is major asshole. I may not be as rich as Mr. Financially successful but i believe in my ability to provide everything I need for myself. At least, the bare minimum shelter, food and entertainment.

    On another note, this theory of financial success being very attractive does not work for women. Look at Linda Ikeji and all her financial success, I don’t see men lining up to overlook her flaws and marry her.

  24. Halle

    December 8, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Yaaay Atoke!!!
    Still upset at a particular Nigerian Airline for making me miss An Evening of Canapés, Connections & Conversations…. ‘sobs’
    I am still trying to let it go…. hahaha

    Nice article! For me I was all about the ‘I dnt care about your money blah blah blah’ but then when you meet some ‘annoying broke boys’ you begin to wonder which one is the lesser of two evils ‘lol’
    Nevertheless, I still dnt give a damn about how rich you are.
    A good heart and visible potential is key,but then if you have the added advantages of lots of money too…. why not 🙂 🙂 🙂

  25. Peaches77

    December 8, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    Back then I would be seriously worried if a guy was showing too much wealth or just spending so much on me upon knowing him. I’d be so suspicious he was hiding something.

    And I always fear for men who start a relationship with spending here and there, otherwise called ‘treasure’. If you start your relationship like that, you leave the lady imagining that forever will be just that way and you remain under pressure to keep up. If you are disciplined enough, you must not try so hard to impress on your first date by ‘sipping on anything’. You’d be shocked how far a great conversation will take you.
    Is this my jist related to the topic sef?
    Anyway forget all these generalizations, there are solid men and women out there and if you are honest about what you want, you may just be lucky. There is still sanity and real love out there.
    Wet in i dey yarn sef today?

  26. dobdeedu

    December 8, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Atoke has used style to tell us what she thinks of Toke #choppingshitbecausedudeisrich ???

  27. Manuel Lopez

    December 8, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Atoke, let me give your friend a piece of advice from experience. Tell him to pretend for 6 months to 12 months to have fallen on hard time and no longer rolling in dough and he would be surprise how quickly those women will scamper for the next able rich guys and not give him a second look. Any girl who finds him attractive after 12 months and stick with him is the woman for him.

    I know I had the same problem and could not get women off me despite telling them I was married and was not interested in a second wife or side GF. I even had female friends who knew I was married and still want to hook me up with their daughters, friends, cousins or themselves.
    I was rich and successful, urbane, courteous, kind, decent with loads of spare cash and generous to a fault.
    Then the unthinkable happened and my business went through a turbulent season and cash was no longer flowing “yanfuyanfu” again like before and within 18 months all that woman wahala was gone. They won’t even look at you when you say hello to them at social events nor return your calls.

    But everything is for a season and I learned a very good lesson in those lean years that I wish I knew in my earlier years.
    Thankfully, God is great and I am back on top again and guess what i don’t give a hoot about those women any more because I know gold diggers and money grubbers a mile away and run fast away from them. You won’t believe it some have showed up at my office without invitation bearing lunch or dinner packages in recent weeks but I refused to see them or entertain them. A word is enough for the wise. They are only attracted to your money.

  28. The real D

    December 9, 2016 at 2:24 am

    I totally agree with Ms. Atoke…your average Nigerian woman is taught to only seek out a successful i.e he can pay your bills kinda of guy and yes I think it has to do with our parents experiences. My mum worked hard and made her money so she taught us to seek out men that would respect us (girls) and taught us to work for our money and never to rely on a man for money. My dad is not the most giving person. My brother was taught to also seek out women who are independent with their own source of income.

    I married for love and I will remain married to him in heaven if God will allow it!!!! My dad sat me down a few months to my wedding and actually asked what i saw in my hubby because according to him ” I was marrying beneath my status” (Story for another day). I would rather have love and respect any day!!! there were times i carried us financially and i did it without any problem and now he is carrying us financially since i lost my job and went back to school and he does it with joy.

    Am i different ? May be and May be not. I know a US Dr and although her hubby is an Engineer, he still makes less than she does but she expects him to pay all the home bills. For her it is his responsibility. However, i also know a Nigerian lady who is successful in our own rights, educated and well traveled, she works for major accounting firm in the US as well, where it has been hinted at that she is on track to make partner. The dude that she is interested in (and the feelings are mutual) just graduated (Masters program) and has been struggled with getting a good paying job. She is happy being with him and supporting him (emotionally) as he works his way up in the corporate world. He treats her like a queen, always there for her, they have talked about everything including what they want from a future family. He however, refuses to take a step towards a relationship because according to him “he has nothing to offer” but he is the first one on the phone with her during tough times, They are NOT intimate (so it has nothing to do with sex) and even reside in different countries, he stays up late with her when she can’t sleep, yet, no relationship. However, he expects her to wait until he “makes it”, as in, not date anyone although he is not ready to even talk boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The girl is not ready for marriage herself btw, so it is not like it is a race to the altar, he is the one that keeps talking marriage.

    Now, if this girl decides to date someone else dude will say it is because of $$$, when he has totally refused to even commit to boyfriend-girlfriend runs “because he has nothing” but girl knows she can’t wait on someone who is not ready to commit to JUST A RELATIONSHIP!!!

    • "changing moniker"

      December 14, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      that’s serious…
      I like this new twist!!
      Please update us on how it pans out.

  29. KuteKalifa

    December 9, 2016 at 2:00 pm

    Nice article, however I will rather remain single than marry a broke ass looser I know the deep shit two of my sisters are rolling in because they married for love, call me a gold digger I don’t care just count me out of that love narrative pls ?

    • Kokoro Dudu

      December 14, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Wishing you the best of luck!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage

A Full Lifestyle & Entertainment Magazine…We COVET Fashion

Visit www.leadtra.com/conference to Register for the Upcoming Conference

Jokes Alone with guests Mr P, CDQ, & Patrick Salvador!

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php