Did you start the year off believing and hoping that this would be The Year of The Rock a.k.a the engagement ring? And yet it hasn’t happened?
For some of you, it is almost unbelievable that you are STILL single. Like, how could this happen again? And you ask yourself how the year could have gone by so quickly and you didn’t even have a toaster on your case this year?
It’s crazy, right? And this festive season doesn’t help because there are parties, particularly weddings, to attend where you’ll see lots of lovebirds and you’ll ask yourself how they were able to find love?
Let’s talk about this in a bit of detail. I have a few questions to consider if you were going to do a “Year in Review” to figure out why you’re still single at the end of yet another year:
Did you meet any new people this year?
Think about it. Think about it some more. Did you actually pause to think about it? If not, think about it again. The year went by so quickly but when you consider everything social you did this year, can you honestly say you met new people that you connected with but more importantly that you’ve stayed in touch with? No? Hmm. Has your network and circle of friends stayed the same this year? If your circle has stayed the same and you still haven’t found love, then it might be safe to say that that might be the reason why you are still single at the end of another year? Think about it. If you haven’t found love in your current circle over the past few years, why did you think things would be different this year?
Have you been fearful and afraid this year?
Afraid of relationships because you’ve been burned in the past. Afraid because of all the
unpleasant stories you’ve been hearing about failed relationships particularly failed marriages. Like a friend of mine said “fear has never produced anything good.” If you’ve been walking in fear and paranoia, then believe it or not, you have most likely been giving off a vibe that has probably kept people away.Yes, agreed, there is a lot to be concerned about because of everything we see and hear about in the media but you can’t dwell on the negatives because there are positives out there as well. Fear will hold you back from meeting new people and letting them into your space. Fear will tell you that #nonewfriends is the way to go. But fear is no good. Going forward, pray about the fear you feel and let it go and make sure you flood (like FLOOD) your mind with positive stuff. Read positive books and blogs and expose yourself to more positive content that will fill you with hope and help open you up to the wonderful possibilities out there.
Did you focus on yourself this year?
And I don’t mean in a self-centered way. Did you take care of yourself? Did you love yourself
wholeheartedly? By the way, this applies to both men and women (everything in this article does). I say that because for some reason, someone might think that self-love is a female thing but quite the contrary. Gentlemen, if you don’t love yourself, women can pick up on it and it is unattractive. And what is self-love? It is many things. It is taking care of yourself physically – eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc. It is also doing what you need to do to be an all-round better person. This will make you pretty attractive. So think about it. Did you neglect yourself this year? How well did you do with self-love? And also, what kind of conversations have you been having with yourself? Have you been thinking happy thoughts about yourself? Do you consider yourself worthy of love? Or do you tell yourself that you are not worthy and no one will like you or find you attractive? What was your self-talk like this year? All of these kinds of thoughts show up on the outside, in your outward appearance, which then contributes to your self-confidence and how attractive and approachable you are.
Did you hide your single status this year?
Did you do everything in your power to pretend like you were in a relationship this year? When friends tried to put your relationship status on blast (out of the goodness of their hearts. Lol), did you stop them? People won’t know your status unless you tell them. And gentlemen, did you make assumptions about a woman’s relationship status and didn’t bother to find out for sure? For all you know, that lady you were checking out from a distance all year long has been single all this time but because you assumed she wasn’t, you didn’t find out. Of course there are no guarantees that she would have agreed to date you but you’ll never know until you try. So men, stop making assumptions. And ladies, did you let people around you know that not only are you single but you are interested in being in a relationship? You’ll be amazed how many people think you can’t be bothered. Don’t assume people know you want to be in a relationship. Tell them!! Because who knows, maybe they can play cupid!
Did you actively pray about finding love this year?
Many people have decided, out of anger at God, to no longer pray about their single status.
That’s not a great idea at all. Yes, as you get older, and the longer you stay single, the more frustrating it can get but if you consider how far you’ve come and God’s faithfulness, the last thing you should be doing right now is vexing for God. He STILL writes the best love stories if you just let Him and trust Him. You know what they say that the night is darkest just before dawn and while that is usually used to refer to really tough life challenges, it applies here as well. You might be on the verge of finding the love of your life so don’t give up now on trusting the One who knows and sees all. And if you don’t know what else pray, just thank Him for what he has planned for and promised you.
Did you stay true to yourself this year?
It is seemingly so much easier to compromise on your values these days and get involved with people you have no business being involved with. But we all have internal gauges so I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. Did you compromise in ways you know you shouldn’t have this year? Be true to yourself in your answers and determine in your heart not to slip up in that regard anymore. Moving away from your values and your core guiding principles only leads to deceit, heartbreak, heartache, depression, and frustration. If finding love isn’t happening fast enough and you thought the best way was to take matters into your own hands and you found out it was not worth it. Let me echo it for you: It can never be worth it. Ditching your principles and values to find love never yields desirable results and that might have contributed to why you’re still single.
There could be other things you did or didn’t do this year but these are just a few to consider. Be objective and honest in your responses so you can figure out how to look ahead.
Yes, it’s the end of the year and you’re still single but as you reflect over the year, think about what you could have done differently. Many times when things aren’t going as we planned, we like to attribute it to external factors but many times, the real issue is us – our behavior, attitude,and mindset. And if we can change some of these things, we might start to see the kind of results we’ve been looking for. Many people think that finding love is not their responsibility and that all they need to do is sit pretty and love will just show up. It turns out that that has supposedly been some people’s story but if truth be told, you might find that just before love just showed up for them in a surprising way, they had a mindset shift or change in behavior or attitude that helped usher in the love that had been waiting for.
Remember what they say “Madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. I’m not saying anyone is mad (lol) but you get the point!
And one more thing: If you haven’t listened to the interview I did with Paul C. Brunson, the modern-day Hitch and the world’s most influential matchmaker, before the year runs out, please do. It will open your mind to some amazing insights! I guarantee that. (Here’s the link: https://soundcloud.com/t
Let’s talk. Tell me why you think you are still single. What were some of your dating challenges this year?
Aderonke is a multimedia broadcaster (radio, television, online) and creator of The Love Chest, a hub for sharing and discussing love and relationships. Aderonke loves love and strongly believes that armed with the right kind of information, attitude, mindset, anyone can experience the true meaning of love in all its glory! She is fondly called The Love Activist and Love Doctor by friends and fans. For The Love Chest, she writes articles, shares podcasts, and produces her television show of the same name. She can be reached by sending an email to [email protected] and you can follow her on Instagram @TheLoveChest