When we read stories of infidelity and adultery, it simply breaks our heart. Especially because of the pain and breach of trust that comes with it. A BellaNaijarian sent this letter to us, and we are very sad to read the pain in her words.
Writing can be very cathartic and we understand the need to simply put down the words that express the pain that lies deep within. We hope that by sharing this story, someone out there will find strength, knowing that they are not alone, and the effect of being betrayed is not something that can be quantified.
We pray that everyone going through this situation will find the peace and the love they deserve.
It’s been about 3 weeks since I saw the awful texts that confirmed my suspicions that you were being unfaithful…again.
You see, we had gone through this only a few months ago. When I came home and found a woman in our home, after you lied to me that you had travelled for work. You knew I hated to stay alone, and anytime you said you were traveling for work, I would go stay at my mom’s.
So you began using that to get me out of the house so you could bring in other women. Hotels were very expensive and you were running out of money, you had said. We’ve just been married for two years and we were expecting our first baby. Your parents and mine bullied me into forgiveness and you swore it would never happen again. I had never questioned whether you loved me or not, even when I felt so unloved.
Now with child, and still struggling to get over your most recent infidelities, we had not been sexually active. In fact, I shuddered whenever you tried to touch me, as I still see images of you and the many other women in our bed. And as a confessed sex addict, I was worried that you were getting it elsewhere. So, I occasionally asked if you were cheating on me and sleeping with someone else.
You assured me every time that you were being faithful to me, which made me a bit happy and relieved that things were gradually getting back to normal. I had also begun to search for solutions to my sexual apathy. I knew I couldn’t deny you sex forever, so I had to find a way through this psychological warfare I was going through. I tried to speak with you about it, but you were always so dismissive of me. So I decided to seek out solutions on my own.
However, your dismissal of such a serious issue kept me wondering if you were indeed being faithful. We also had other things to deal with. We had to plan our child’s naming party (done 8 days after the birth of a child) and I had received a call from my colleague that he had loaned you some money but you refused to return it.
I was mad. I thought you had stopped borrowing. We were still in huge debts due to your constant borrowing and reckless spending. I wasn’t happy to hear you were borrowing again, let alone from my colleague. And all this right after I just went through childbirth. I began to look for money to pay the man. I had no savings, because you had squandered that also.
I eventually got the money and we were able to pay off the nice gentleman. You even requested for an extra N100,000. You said you were so broke and would pay me back once you got your next salary. I gave you again – like I always do, even though you had never returned any money you took from me.
I was always selfless, stupidly and utterly selfless… but you carried on being selfish.
The night I found the text was a typical night of a nursing mother. I was awake to feed our baby, and I heard the notifications on your phone. I wondered who was texting you at past midnight, and my guts told me it was a woman. I picked up your phone to check and it hurt me so bad to discover I was right. She was telling you how much she misses you and asking why you couldn’t spend more time with her. You had assured her that you would leave your house very early the next day to be with her before you go to work.
Then there were the other sexual expressions and innuendoes that made me choke. You had told me you were working late, and now I found you were with your mistress in a hotel nearby, and had made plans to return to her very early the next morning.
I was devastated! How could you?! How did we get back here so soon? I was utterly distraught. We just had a baby I thought to myself – shouldn’t you be so excited and overwhelmed with joy? How could you be cheating on us both? Even if you never loved me, don’t you love your son? How could you carry on with adultery and come home acting like ‘father of the year’? I had a million questions that only you had answers to.
I cried again and again and again. You were supposed to be my lover and my best friend, yet you constantly and completely betray and hurt me to a degree beyond my comprehension. I thought about how I had given you everything – my heart, my soul, my body. When we took our wedding vows, I took mine seriously. It saddens me to see that you didn’t.
I began to think back to the very beginning. And I realized you have always been a liar and a cheat. Where do I start from?
Our relationship was built on lies and deceit. But I was too blinded by your charm and my love for you to see through them. You had constantly swindled me out of my own money and spent on your mistresses. Heck you just took N100 grand from me to spend on the most recent one. It was her birthday and you were making it special for her. With my money. Unbelievable! And I was always unsuspecting. I was working hard to make money but spending nothing on myself. You saw to that. You were always broke, always needing money for some emergency and always in a financial crisis. You drained me financially, and physically too.
And all that time you were lying to me about what you were up to. I was so trusting. I was so naive. And you took advantage of my naivety. You fooled me so well. I am not sure that I can ever believe you after so many lies for so long. And the worst part – You do not show any remorse or regret for what you have done, nor do you show any emotions or feelings towards me or my wellbeing – you act as if nothing has happened and not once have you even shed a tear.
I believe love is an action word, and everything you have put me through shows me you don’t love me. Everything is so hurtful. It’s quite disheartening that our marriage will end this way, especially since we only just had a baby, but you brought this upon us, turning me into this crazy emotionless woman at such a young age.
You do say you are sorry, but that really is an empty word for the immense pain that you have caused me. I have lost my husband and my best friend and I am not sure I will ever fully recover from this heartache. For my peace and sanity, I have decided to move on without you. You can be a part of your son’s life if you wish to, but not as my significant other.
It’s been 3 weeks since I saw the awful messages, 3 weeks since you shattered what was left of my broken heart, 3 weeks since I moved out of our home. I hope you find what you are searching for, and I wish you happiness.
Your heartbroken wife.
Photo Credit: Syda Productions | Dreamstime.com