Is it safe?
Does it respect human rights and will?
If you answered “yes” to the aforementioned questions, I have one thing to tell you, GO GET THAT ORGASM!
Orgasms are beautiful experiences and we know that. This one I am writing, sef, do you know some women have never had orgasms in their lives? If we, women, conceived every time we had orgasms, there would be few children in the world. Not until some earth-shattering works in the 20th century, Alfred Kinsey’s most especially, did some people “realise” women were capable of having “earth-shattering” sex. They never expected women were as sexual as men were.
Once, I was talking with my grand ma, Nne, about sex and she almost freaked out.
“What did you do to have kids?” I asked her.
As she is light-skinned, Nne’s almost hollow cheeks seemed to turn red as she looked away from my probing gaze. “How would you ask about…?” her lips quivered from the heavy weight of the word she did not dare to roll off her mouth.
“Nne, I only asked a question about how you had kids? Did you pluck them from trees?”
After some moments of silence, I upped the ante, “How often did you let your husband enter you?”
Nne’s jaw dropped slowly and her eyes widened to take me in, assess me – that baby she carried on her back not so long ago. Her nose flared and I thought if I kept looking into her nostrils, I would magically become tiny and walk into her head to rummage for the answer she was holding back as if it were a damnable secret. Slowly, gently – almost carefully- she said, with her voice barely above a whisper, “I can’t believe you asked this.”
Flippantly, I shrugged as I squeezed her small, frail palm in mine in a bid to affirm my next sentence, and said, “I’m a woman like you, I want to know”.
Nne went on to say she had sex with her husband once in three years. That is the age gap between her children, funny enough.
In her ninety plus years on earth, sex shocks, maybe offends, Nne!
What is shocking about an act that causes you pleasure? It is akin to someone saying eating is a taboo. Sex is a normal bodily function. We all know orgasms are wonderful in the right context, with the right person. If sex and orgasms were so bad, why do some of us masturbate in the privacy of our boudoirs? Your desires are valid if they do not pose danger to anyone.
Sex is essential to every living organism. It is like hunger, you know. Were it unnatural, masturbation would not be prevalent in kids between 2 – 7 years. Why do we shame people, women especially, for having sex? As I often say, SHAME IS A TOOL SOCIETY USES TO SUPPRESS YOUR DESIRES AND APPETITES. As Chinelo Okparanta put it at Ake Book Festival, “Shame is a power that we give to others to wield over us”.
Look at MR. NIGER D, characteristics of a living thing. One “R” stands for reproduction. Tell me, how do organisms reproduce? Drinking from the Fountain of Youth to regenerate certain cells that would ultimately morph into a new life form within them? Of course, there must be sexual intercourse.
Then there is this annoying double standard when it comes to sex. Feminism, gender equality, aims to get rid of double standards in all aspects of human life. Don’t you think there is bound to be problems when you teach people differently?
Boys learn sex makes them manly and stronger while girls understand sex reduces their worth as humans. These two go through life with diverging attitudes towards a particular issue.
Boy meets Girl and wants to have sex because … “manly”. Girl wants to have sex, but says “no” because she does not want to be seen as cheap. Boy makes moves while Girl keeps saying “no” when she really means “yes”. Eventually, they have sex and Boy goes away with this notion: “Girls mean ‘yes’ when they say ‘no’”.
In a way, this double standard fuels rape. Some, if not most, rapists do not understand consent. They do not understand “no” means “no”. This is not to dismiss the fact that rape is a crime of power. “Rapists are particularly abetted by cultures in which women are second-class citizens, where women’s bodies are intensely politicised, where social hierarchies outlandishly privilege certain members, and where there’s a presumption of male authority and righteousness.”
Society makes it okay for boys to want sex, makes it seem as though boys are constantly horny, and that is why some people invalidate male rape cases.
It is about time people, women to be precise, embraced their desires. No point denying and repressing them. Remember, shame is a tool society uses to suppress our desires and appetites. They can’t handle women on the loose. They would rather we crumpled ourselves to fit into tiny palms and boxes.
P.S. I love you… but embracing your sexuality does not mean you should rape people and ignore safe sex, o. Please, don’t be reckless. The point is women should stop feeling ashamed for wanting what they want. If you want it, go for it! Your desires are natural because you did not create yourself.
P.P.S. I am for people doing whatever they like on the grounds they are not stepping on another person’s will and human rights. Having sex in whatever form or fetishes – be it BDSM, fisting, choking, rough sex, nasolingus, urophilia, foot worship – is not a taboo so far it is safe and your partner or partners are consenting. SAFETY AND CONSENT IS KEY.
P.P.P.S. Please, individuals below eighteen are legally not consenting partners. Having sex with that seventeen year, eleven month, and twenty-nine day old CHILD that has a crush on you is rape even if he/she wants it. No one should compare consensual sex to non-consensual sex again. SEXUAL PREFERENCE IS NOT AGE PREFERENCE. It is insanity to compare consensual sex, between two or more adults, to/with sex with children, people below the age of consent. If we don’t trust children to vote, they have no business having sex.
P.P.P.P.S. For those people that tie a woman’s worth to her sexual agency, I have two questions, “Who send you? Did women tell you their worth is in their vagina?” A woman’s body belongs to her, she decides what to do with her body. Take your tomes of “literature” away from our bodies!
Rape Is About Power, Not Sex – Jill Filipovic.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime |Monkey Business