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BN Confession Box: Got Pregnant So He Could Marry Me…Now I Wish I Didn’t

Nkem Ndem

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a new feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem. The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***
This marriage thing is not easy. Today, I have just been crying, asking God to forgive me for not being patient with him and to please help me. No matter what, no one should try and control the hand of God.

When I met my husband, I was already in my very late twenties. He was younger by a few months but we loved each other, so no problem. While we were dating, he was very committed, loving and honest. Yes, he stepped out on me a few times, but it was always during the time he was away at the rig and I was not there, so not a big deal.

3 years into dating, I turned 30. I was really worried because I wanted to have my children early and he was not saying anything about marriage yet. I even hinted in so many ways, still nothing. I knew he loved me but I started to have insecurities, I was not ready to lose him. The thought of him even leaving me for someone else after 3 years together was just too painful, so I hatched a plan to con him into marrying me.

I decided I would get pregnant and that would speed up everything. One of my friends who was very good with counting ovulation dates and all gave me good tips. It was very easy to carry out this plan without my husband knowing because we never used protection. I was on birth control pills, so all I had to do was stop the pills and pretend to him that I was still using it.

After about 3 months of trying, I got pregnant. The joy that filled my heart when I took the test and found out was not a small one. I told him, and we argued a little about how I could have gotten pregnant on pills. He seemed afraid and even asked if I wanted to abort the baby, and I said no. I involved his mother who was so ecstatic about the pregnancy, considering he was the first son. In the end, I got what I wanted. We got married.

Just two months into the marriage, I lost my job and became a housewife.I was filled with guilt thinking maybe it is God trying to punish me for deceiving my husband and forcing him to marry me, but I kept the guilt to myself.

My husband on his own was very supportive and all, but the boredom at home was killing me. He worked 2 weeks every month at the rig and spent weeks at home alternatively, so during those times he was away, I would be lonely and alone in the apartment.

No house help, no sibling to keep me company, no even steady light. It was this same boredom that made me think of rearranging all the clothes in our wardrobe. I didn’t know it was God trying to open my eyes. While sorting out my husband’s suits. I noticed one of the jackets was a little heavy like there was something inside. I got curious, so I flung it in the air the way you fling a cloth before you hang it to dry. As I flung in the air, some documents fell out of the suit. of course, I read through the document and to my utmost belief, they were hospital reports from different hospitals and for different tests. The gist of the whole matter is that my husband has been HIV positive for over 11 years! He was positive before I met him and this man did not tell me.

I was so agitated and shocked. I had never seen him taking any medication or anything, how could he have hidden this from me? If he could hide this all this time, what can he not do? I was afraid for myself and even more for my child. I called him immediately. All through the call, I cried, screamed and cursed him. He told me to calm down, apologized and told me not to do anything rash. He said that he had gone into remission a long time ago and could not transmit it anymore and that the baby and I were safe but I don’t believe him.

It has been two days since I spoke to him. I have not been picking his calls or anything. I am just so perplexed and in shock. I am too afraid to go for a test. In all the tests and checkups I have been doing alongside my antenatal, the doctor has not said anything about me having HIV, but what if I am?

What if my baby comes out with the disease? I have packed my things but I don’t know if I should leave or not. What do I tell people? He is coming back this weekend. I don’t know how to face him because I could murder him. I don’t want to be married anymore.

He is a demon from the pits of hell. What did I` do to deserve all this?

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Horst Petzold

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

37 Comments

  1. kilipot

    May 14, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    Wooow

    • fleur

      May 15, 2017 at 3:09 am

      Jesus have mercy. Why are people so wicked in Nigeria? Why would you have HIV and insist on sex without condoms with someone? Woman, you have been shot straight up in the face by a felon whose first, second, third or umpteenth care is definitely not you or the baby. You need to face your fears, get that HIV test so that you can start treatment if you are positive. If you are lucky enough to not be positive, you need to RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN and never ever look back.

    • What an ass

      May 15, 2017 at 12:16 pm

      Lemme perch here
      So he’s from the pits of hell yet you decided to use a child, another person’s life? To trap a man in marriage? What kind of a horrid person does that? How are you any different? You deserve everything you’re getting, I only feel sorry for the child who is the pawn in all this madness.

      Ps if he’s actually in remission you would not be infected, go and get tested and get whatever help you require for the sake of that child. No need to crucify your husband for a sin you equally committed.
      Maybe you should tell him about how you got pregnant, let’s see how he’ll take that. You’re no victim, you just realised he plays the game of secrets just as well.
      A person who’s been diagnosed with HIV would not just tell any one they are positive at the start of the relationship cause that would bring an abrupt stop to that relationship, they usually wait till you’re committed. Tis a shame he didn’t used protection though.

  2. bodunade

    May 14, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    Nice script. I couldn’t stop reading till the end. Jakob the Liar thanks for entertaining us. Nigerians need this right now.

  3. hadiza

    May 14, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    ? leave him joh. He’s a damn devil. He is sick. U deceived him too, but his is damn terrible. Madam, go for the test and be sure. Divorce the damn man sharp sharp. He can kill????

  4. oluyemisi olotu

    May 14, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    Go get tested ASAP for the sake of your baby!

  5. californiabawlar

    May 14, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    Lmao!! You find out you and your baby may have AIDS and BN is your first consult? As in, not even a popular BN feature like the agony aunt or even Atoke’s hot topic. It is this new randomness with iffy credibility someone will come and be writing? Weh done. Kontinu.
    BN, I have a quick queshun like this sista up here: what have your readers done to deserve such buffoonery?

    • Lilo

      May 14, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      My personal person, if I tell you I stopped reading this section if BN a while back ever since one girl like that claimed she was side chic to an oil and gas guy on expat assignment in the US AND that they guy is not on good terms with his wife and kids and that she moved in with him and …blah. It was so stupidly written I wondered if its BN people concocting these jargons to garner views. Hahah. Bawo ni omo shey ma stupid in that kinda manner? Reading your comment on this one, I can tell its another fabricated nonsense justso BN can get us riled up. Lol

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 14, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      ?????

    • jefka

      May 14, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      Then do not bother reading it. I do not understand the joy people like you derive from making comments like this.
      Are you trying to say that these kinda things don’t happen? If you think it’s fiction, be a better person at heart and ignore it. I say this with all the respect I have for you CB. Same goes for you Lilo.

    • californiabawlar

      May 14, 2017 at 10:23 pm

      @jefka. Lol! Thank you for your advice jare. It’s just that I have spare time to read this column today and decided to give my feedback. You see, that’s how free time works…I do whatever the fcuk I want to do with it to entertain myself. But thanks boo.

      p.s. I say this with all the seriousness I can muster. “It has been said that for evil men to accomplish their purpose it is only necessary that good men should do nothing.”
      I, therefore, derive joy in protesting any ridiculousness on BN. hehehehe.

  6. Honestina

    May 14, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    You were engaging in unprotected sex so whether you deceived him or not, whether he married you or not, your life has been at risk for a very long time. You prevented pregnancy instead of STDs.
    Get tested no matter what it takes. As to whether you should divorce him or not, that’s entirely your decision.

    PS; Before you married him, he was stepping out on you to your Knowledge and yet you were fine with it simply because you weren’t around?? Ah sista, but why?
    Wishing you well.

  7. Enny Heart Heart

    May 14, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    People living with HIV are not demons. They are people just like you, they need love, attention, they need you to treat them like everyone else.
    He shouldn’t have kept his status from you, correct, but don’t rush into conclusions madam. At least get tested again, you and baby. And be sure you can’t have it from him.

    It’s this kind of antagonism and discimination, or fear thereof that makes them hide their status in the first place.

    But what do you care, all you wanted was to hook a young successful guy with pregnancy, and not even take it upon yourself to know eachothers medical record.

    #knowyourstatus

  8. LemmeRant

    May 14, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Abeg go and sit down.
    Both of you are con men.

    Ask your self who you were thinking of when you decided to force marriage through pregnancy, that’s right you were thinking about yourself.

    So the reason he didn’t also tell you about the disease is because he was only thinking about himself. At least he is in remission

    Babe you called your husband a demon.
    He is not a demon, he is just like you.

    Both of you fit each other. When I tell babes they attract who they are, they argue with me, now just look at…

    • Anon

      May 14, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      SO men don’t attract who they are? Hope you and John don’t choke on all that bile. Forever looking for how to bash women and insult them

    • LemmeRant

      May 14, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      @Anon

      Yes turn my comment to men vs women. Obviously you lack discernment because if you did you’d have realized that your point was implied in my comment.

    • Dainty

      May 15, 2017 at 10:06 am

      Wish I could like your comment a million times.

  9. Pink

    May 14, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    Ha! Sister, my jaw dropped while i read this. If it is a true story, better go and get tested ASAP. What are you even waiting for? Delaying the inevitable doesn’t change anything . As for your husband, that one is your cross to bear. Do as you see fit cos i don’t even know how to advice you.
    Ps: Nkem, maybe you need to post a screenshot of this ‘confessions’ joro- style so we can debunk the fake story rumours and actually focus on giving advice if they are real life happenings.

  10. Ijs

    May 14, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    Fake story. Lools like it. Smells like it. Is it.

  11. Ijs

    May 14, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    Looks*

  12. Xoxo

    May 14, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    Why do some of you insist these are fake?! Do you tell SDK that her chronicles are fake? Or when Linda used to do Ask LIB or the Jomo on IG guy! Are those fake to you too?!

  13. Nene

    May 14, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    God has a way of proving himself to man! Pele!

  14. Pretty

    May 14, 2017 at 9:23 pm

    You wrote you guys never used protection while dating for three years. Then you got married and no tests.how do expect not to have HIV

    The tori get k-leg

  15. Baby

    May 14, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    If u said u have been going for antenatal that means u must have done all d blood test n if ur dr didn’t tell u that u are HIV positive then u are not. Cos the carry out all the necessary blood test for preg women.

  16. Meah

    May 14, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    How does a hospital report make a suit heavy?
    Well if this story is true and you live in Lagos
    Try and contact me.
    Am a medical laboratory scientist,I work with an NGO on HIV/Aids.
    Most of my patients are living fine with the virus.
    It’s not the end of life
    Come for your test asap,you are saving your baby by doing so
    0811 3717559

  17. MMM

    May 15, 2017 at 7:05 am

    It’s shocking but don’t take this too personal as God’s punishment because this man had meant to destroy you right from the get go. So it was in his own evil plan from day one and there was nothing you could do to stop hims since you were already having unprotected sex. Being pregnant or not is not an issue. Go and have the HIV Test immediately. Good news is that there are methods that could help prevent straight transmission of the disease from Mother-to-Child, now and during birth….. if you are treated early on!
    Ask your Doctor. HIV is bad disease but once you take all the precautions of taking pills, eating healthy, doing exercise and relaxing your mind and body, you could live as normal as any other person.

  18. mio

    May 15, 2017 at 7:27 am

    LOl…..very fake story. Which wan is gone into remission.

    • Person

      May 15, 2017 at 10:01 am

      It is possible for your viral load to be so low that you’re incaple of infecting some. This is science. lol

    • What an ass

      May 15, 2017 at 11:28 am

      Get educated dearie, it’s funny that in a country riddled with HIV, the inhabitants, even the educated ones are not well informed. Yes a person can have HIV without being infective, a person who was diagnosed on time and takes their meds regular would have a low viral load and in such a state they are not infectious. They are said to be in remission.

    • Mawi

      May 15, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Looooool….. Smh

  19. Tosin

    May 15, 2017 at 9:17 am

    The story is sweet.
    It’s a doctor you need first.

  20. Ross

    May 15, 2017 at 10:02 am

    ”While we were dating, he was very committed, loving and honest. Yes, he stepped out on me a few times, but it was always during the time he was away at the rig and I was not there, so not a big deal”
    African woman. No standards. Non at all. Letting men carry on thinking loyalty is not a requirement for a relationship. Calling a man honest even though he cheats on you.
    Can you hear the deplorable state of our nation in this sentence.. These are the women who raise the children we have in society today. Children who grow up into lying, thieving adults because their mothers have no moral back bone.
    Horrible moral state of affairs when a woman has such low self esteem, its no big deal to her that a man she gives herself to can give himself to others.
    Lord help us!!!

  21. Mawi

    May 15, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    If this is a true story, I do not feel sorry for you poster. Yes, your hubby is a demon but so are you. You attracted exactly your kind. Unfortunately, you two selfish wicked beings have involved an innocent child into your filthy mess. I suggest you remove your hypocritical focus off your husband and your well deserved ‘heartbreak’ and focus on the well being of your unborn child. I also suggest you look inward and determine to be a better person rather than a conniving, self absorbed, manipulator. Certain things happen in life to teach us a lesson. Learn yours.
    And please women, ENOUGH of the victim mentality as if y’all are saints. This is one prime example.

  22. "changing moniker"

    May 20, 2017 at 11:48 am

    Mtchewww… are we on Joro’s page? What’s all this balderdash??!!

  23. AKboy

    July 12, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    OP doesn’t have HIV if the husband has truly gone into remission. Let her just take her RVs consistently for about 3-5 years…it will be like she never had it. Also herbal therapy exists. Its here in Akwa ibom.. But people won’t recognize it

  24. queendearie

    November 17, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    trying to make someone marry you is either out of likeness, love or making them belong to you. i don’t see much of a crime in that but for someone to hide something like their HIV status till after marriage and does not have plans of telling you soon even with your pregnancy is something i can’t digest. This is wickedness

  25. really

    July 30, 2018 at 8:54 am

    Interesting Story. Although painful, she is putting the horse before the cart. She needs to get the HIV test done. If he’s really in remission, she cannot contact it. He however should have told her so she knows what she is getting into. Who knows if that’s why he had been stalling about marriage? That’s why she shouldn’t tricked him. Now she doesn’t like being tricked, does she? Do the test and confirm that her baby is safe. once that is done, let her go with him to see the doctor and get advice for the way forward. Good luck to her.

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