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BN Confession Box: I Made My Husband Chase His Mother Away, Now I Need Her For Omugwo

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a new feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem. The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***
Dear BN,

I hope you publish this, because I need to know what people have to say about my situation. I had a conversation with my husband today regarding my mother –in-law coming to visit for Omugwo but he refused. It is not the first time I am asking him for this. The first time I asked, he gave me money to employ a maid; now when I raise the topic, he just says “NO!” angrily and walks away. Three months ago, I would have rejoiced at this reaction from him because his mom is a trouble maker, but now, I am just frustrated. My husband hates his mother and I can’t help suspecting that I caused it all.

When I first met my husband, he and his mother were 5 and 6. He would visit her and buy her gifts almost every week. Being an orphan, I admired their relationship. I liked that he was so caring. And, when he finally introduced me to her, I recall that me and her vibed. We even became close and she would always call me to check up on me. Two years into my marriage to her son, however, her attitude towards me changed. She was bitter that I had not taken in and given birth to a grandchild, so she started making things difficult for me. She even turned my husband’s sisters against me. Any small thing, she will pick fight with me. She did everything to poison my husband’s mind against me.

At first I was always begging. But after about a year of dealing with her wahala, I decided to use her own tactics against her, and I started to whisper in my husband’s ears as well. I would exaggerate the things she said to me or did to me and cry to my husband. I always made sure I deprived him of sex every time I was depressed from what his mother may have said or done to me.

Just as I wanted, he started getting irritated by his mom’s attitude too. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was one of the nights when my mother-in-law was visiting. She woke up in the middle of the night and started screaming that she had a vision that I came and sprinkled something on her while she was sleeping, that I was a witch and I wanted to kill her. My husband, who was well aware that I had not left the bed, got really upset and asked his mother to pack her things. He drove her back to the village that night. At 3 am. Me, I was even scared. This was over a year ago. He stopped speaking to his mother after the incident and I was very relieved.

The thing now is that God has blessed us finally with a son, but as an orphan, I have no mother to help me through the process of becoming a mother. My grandma that raised me passed on a while ago, so I have no one. I have hired a maid, but it is not the same. I feel like I am doing everything wrong. I need a mother to teach me the tradition of caring for a baby. I already reached out to my mother in law and she is willing to come, but my husband is the stumbling block we are having now. I cannot believe that something I rejoiced over, has come back to bite me. I am feeling so much regret now, because my husband is too stubborn.

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Noriko Cooper | Dreamstime.com

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

50 Comments

  1. Emodi

    May 28, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    I totally believe that you do not need your ur mother in law at all . That kind of wahala is not even needed in your life . You have a maid you have help you have friends you have the internet. Please for the sake of your home and marriage keep that woman far away from you and your family.

  2. Billionaire in grace

    May 28, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    Dear poster for me I think it is good that your husband is not agreeing with bringing her back.if the first time she accused of witchcraft who know what she will do this time.all I will ask is you can ask your cousins or family friend who have kids to assist you don’t bring the mother in law back into your home.i have friends who had no one to teach or assist them with their first kids but they made it through

    • Tracey

      May 28, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Look my dear you can do it all yourself okay? Omugwo is overrated!
      Not discounting the good experiences of those who have had a good omugwo time. If you are one of my lucky ones then you are indeed lucky. If you are able to find someone to do it for you and give you good omugwo experience then by all means go for it.
      My mum is alive and well and came for my first omugwo. I love her to the moon and back and Although she did help out but the saddness she caused me as a newly post parturm mum, is what I am still yet to recover from. Mind you this was like 3 years ago o! We argued and quarrelled over everything! She was so nagging and intolerant of me and caused me a lot of grief so thatmuch my breast milk dried up due to the emotional stress!
      Let me not even talk about my mother in law! That is story for another day!

      With my second child I did it all myself! It was a lot to take on but honestly when compared with the sadness I would have experienced had I brought either mothers, it was a wise and applaudable decision that my husband and I jointly opted to do without any omugwo.

      Mind you I live in the U.S where I have no relation what so ever to help me in anyway.

      So yes to anyone wondering, you can do it all yourself. It will stress you out yes! But then no one said it would be easy taking care of a baby and a toddler on top of it
      But at least you have avoided any unwarranted headaches.

  3. MIA

    May 28, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    My dear don’t invite trouble back. Oyibo no dey do omugwo. I’m sure you can get an elderly aunt or something.

    • Jay

      May 28, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      “Oyibo no dey do omugwo.”
      You and not Oyibo, we are not Oyibos. Jeez. How many times do you hear while people saying black people do or do not do this? I’m not even saying an omugwo is a must but the reason and example you gave is highly ridiculous.

  4. SoniaPaloma

    May 28, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    Better let sleeping dog lie…. In other words, avoid situations that is currently causing no problem and do not stir the pot to bring the problems in.
    How about you going to your MIL’s place for the omugwo?

  5. chic wen sabi

    May 28, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    oyinbo no dey do [email protected]………truth be told i think because her hubby is taking it too far, and being a woman her conscience is pricking her….. … am happy that she has given birth….
    i pray that GoD visits us that are trusting him for the fruit of the womb

    • B

      May 28, 2017 at 7:17 pm

      Who says Oyibo no dey do amugo. I am a witness to someone who had her mother around when her baby was born.

  6. missnk

    May 28, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    Mtchew, you better get a nanny. You have peace of mind now and you want her to come back? Some people are just silly

  7. john

    May 28, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    the only happiness I have is that u have a baby son who will one day marry a woman who will wisper things to his ear about you as well and he will chase u out of his family

    • Nimor

      May 28, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      And as usual, you didn’t see the part where she said her mother in law became bitter and was creating issues because she hasn’t yet given her a grandchild, turned her sisters-in-law against her and went as far as accusing her of witchcraft. Better see a therapist to cure you of your unnecessary hatred for women.

      Dear Poster, thank God you are blessed with a husband who took your side. Have a peaceful relationship with your MIL but don’t use your hand to create trouble for yourself

    • Bollarbie

      May 28, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      I don’t know you but your comment speaks wisdom.

    • Darius

      May 28, 2017 at 8:27 pm

      @Bollarbie, you don’t know who John is? You must be new to BN! John is one of three people who speak the truth at all times.

    • Chief

      May 28, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      @My brother john….

      You see how her simp husband chased his own mother in order to pleasec her.When ever we speaks about manipulative female nature we are Misogynists,.Anyway,I first learned about female nature from the bible and later on throughout world history.People seems to dismiss the bible but it is filled with cautionary tales of female nature.The first story starts with a simp named Adam who took back a cheating whore who convinced him to go against the world of God.She manipulated and deceived the simp Adam and the punishment was what?Exile out of the garden of Eden.This type of treachery has lead to the downfall of civilizations like the roman empire.
      It’s not mainly women who are to blame.It’s man who has forgotten his place as a man.He has become weak because he has forgotten what female nature is and allowed himself to be manipulated by it.Seriously,what’s wrong with these simps? Smh..These simps need to wake up.

    • John

      May 29, 2017 at 12:30 am

      @ CHIEF, I dknt even believe that her story one bit about her mil accusing her as witch…anyway,Women and their fish brains ,,dont let them think that far, any man who loves his wife more than his mother is the biggest fool on planet earth, it always backfire on them big time….I dont give a damn if the mother is the witch of endor as far as she is not hurting you personnallly as her son,, if you chose any woman above her , ur name is sorry, it is just a matter of time. . If a mother tells you she does not like ur wife there is a big reason for it which ur love brain cant see until it is too late with no one to run to… .Women who complain and scheme about their MIL always end up in a much more worse situation ..thier own children always pay them back in way or another ,..that is nature

    • can't read this bs

      May 29, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Awwww! Chief, John and Darius in one thread! The only missing pawn is Paulo! This would have won the Guinness Book of Records for the ultimate circle jerk of idiots… close enough though.

    • B

      May 30, 2017 at 9:51 am

      I had a mischievous grin on my face seeing the 3 of you here.
      but why you nor call Paul Adeyemo now.

      Just watch out for yourselves in real life coz your daughters too will soon start bringing you matters like these. you may need all four of you to confirm your believes to them

  8. Fabulous

    May 28, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Dear poster pick a struggle. You cannot eat your cake & have it. His mother is not a tool to use & dump as you like. I would advise you not to press the issue further. Don’t let her come back into your home. Her coming back will only mean trouble for you. For a whole year mother & son did not speak to each other and you think she’ll just let it slide?
    Better receive sense.
    If his mother weren’t there won’t you still raise your son? Is omugwo by force? I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but if you’re look in your local church, there should be elderly women who can help you or neighbours.
    There should be friends who have raised kids, ask them for advise.
    I say again, let sleeping dogs lie.

  9. dhoney

    May 28, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    Funny how women of these days are so fast to brand their mother in-laws witches while their own mama remains a saint. Madam…sitdown with your pikin and nurse her after all na you born am…husband mama na house maid ?. shior !

    • Ngbabe

      May 28, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      She wants her mother inlaw back because she wants her to come and slave for her. It must be about her.

    • Mawi

      May 29, 2017 at 9:28 pm

      There are always two sides to a story yet most here are condemning the MIL already. Let me ask you guys, if the MIL was really so terrible as portrayed, what normal human being would want her back in her house? Who? It’s obvious the poster exaggerated things about that woman because no sane person would invite such a person back. And she’s already talking to her via phone sef!?!?!?

  10. Darius

    May 28, 2017 at 6:29 pm

    Your mil crossed a line, but ur hubby was wrong to have kicked her out in the middle of the night. I agree she had to leave for peace to reign, but not in the middle of the night. Visit ur mil, without your hubby’s consent, and sue for peace. All she wanted was a grandchild, and she’s got one. I don’t think she’ll make trouble again, especially now that she knows her excesses will not be tolerated anymore.

  11. Deleke

    May 28, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    Your husband has done you the biggest Favor you can ever imagine. I wish I had done it to my wife when we had our first son. God will send you a divine helper

  12. Madman

    May 28, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    Evil, Evil, Nigerian women

    • James

      May 29, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      Thanks for saying this. I have a had a girl that i wanted to get married to and she told me that after marriage my family will become a 3rd party. i asked her what do you mean! answer ” it’s all about me and you and not your family”. As a Nigerian family is important to me. be it my family or her’s but at a time she’s didn’t even want to have anything with my fam but only her’s. i call the marriage off. FOR BETTER OR WORST IS WAY 2 LONG TO MAKE MISTAKES OR TO HAVE BEEF WITH YOUR/HER FAMILY. My dear Nigerian women, marriage is unity not division. To that girl writing this. please make peace with yourself and make peace with your mother- in-law. you have a Son and you would not want your son to do the same to you. accept peace and know the usefulness of mother-in-law.

  13. Wuraola

    May 28, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    First of all congratulations. I am 55yrs old and I’m responding to you like a mother, you’re not likely to reason along with me because your matter has already been set up. Your script is already written in the village. The invitation is not from you, but from your MIL. Only using you to accomplish her purpose. She wants to return to her former place in her son’s life and her return will be a deadly blow to you..
    Here’s my advice
    1. Dear poster, whatever be your religion go & learn how to pray and reference God. He’s been your keeper in that home.
    2. Reference & cherish your husband. He’s love for you is genuine.
    3. If you need teaching in motherhood get friendly with adults in your church, office or the neighbourhood.
    4. First babies are guinea pigs. The grace of God will cover you as you learn on the job. Just commit your heart to it.
    5. Don’t pursue this goal of bringing MIL, it maybe a life mistake.
    6. Ensure your MIL gets her upkeep money, but don’t bring her back.

  14. Dr.N

    May 28, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    Are you sure you want her back? Find a mentor while u try to heal d relationship btw son n mil

  15. amaka

    May 28, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    Lol! I love the feminine wiles… whispering in his ear, tears and depriving him of sex… i’ll note that and save it. For later in case I have a troublesome mother in law!

    • Gobsmacked

      May 29, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      Why will you be learning rubbish? Please do yourself a favor and pray against problems rather than calling for it. Imagine what this man has gone through due to the manipulative nature of the two women in his life.

  16. mamaisabel

    May 28, 2017 at 7:07 pm

    @John, if she becomes the kind of mother-in-law that causes wahala in her son’s home that is.

    Had a troublesome mother-in-law too. She would speak ill of me to my maids to my hearing, never bathed the baby, prefered making her own food, advised my husband through her brother to divorce( although she claimed to be born again and knows quite well what the Bible says about what God has joined together), eventually left my house and claimed I was possessed by serpentine spirit.

  17. bokun

    May 28, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Pleased get assessed for postnatal depression using the whooley depression screen questions and screen for genelalized anxiety using GAD2 screen questions. Your desire to invite trouble back into your home makes me thing you might be vunerable and suffering from one of these conditions. If you feel you are emotional stable then instead of inviting her home go to her house and stay. But be warned this newborn period can be emotionally unstable. You honestly do not need anything to Rock your world.

  18. californiabawlar

    May 28, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    Am I the only one who doesn’t see what the OP did wrong? Her husband acted on his own on the night the drama happened, Fact is one of the women would have had to leave that house that night. The lying mother got kicked out. Simple.
    Actions have consequences, and motherhood does not exempt you from that. If you are a woman and don’t want your son’s wife to ‘take him away’ from you, then for your own sake be a nice person. There is no supernatural nor spiritual angle to it. Karma ko…sutra ni. Oshisko.

    OP you better sit tight and enjoy a maid. Mama would be back soonest, trust me.

    • Anon

      May 28, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      Ologbon dori eja mu!

    • californiabawlar

      May 29, 2017 at 2:19 am

      lmao!! yes o!! Omugo d’iru e mu… pick your place my dear.
      Anonius Anonius… how market?

  19. Glow

    May 28, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    So…what you are saying is, you want your mother in law back so you could “use her” . Your motive is very wrong. Allow your maid to help you/nanny

  20. Amh

    May 28, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    You are evil and very wicked. May all your children spouses chase you away feom your children. You will be greatly punished. His mother suffered to raise him. You evil witch. I pray ypy birth sons. Infact their wives will arrest and lock you up. May my sons never meet witvhes like you. Bastard. You poisoned a son mind against his mother? Haa ika nie

    • Majestic

      May 28, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      Yes Chief Justice. She is evil. If you are in her condition please be a doormat and let peace elude you in your home.

      1
  21. Wendy

    May 28, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    All this omugo wahala…do u really need omugo? What makes u think that u need one?is it because people are conditioned to think that they need one? There are alot of resources out there for first time mothers..
    This omugo thing pisses me off. I remember when i had my baby. My hubby wanted my mom to come do omugo. I refused but he insisted. I told him that we can do it by ourself. So my mum came and she showed us pepper…
    When she finally left, me and my hubby joined hands together and took care of our biz… hubby was surprised with what he could do…
    Lady, u and ur hubby can make it work..if he is not the handy type, then get a maid…
    Having a baby is not an excuse for someone to be lazy..i noticed that all some women want to do during that period is wake up eat and feed…the only thing left is for someone to shower and wipe their behinds.
    Some are excused if it is medically required..

  22. Funsho

    May 28, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    You know the answer to your question
    God has blessed you with peace of mind you want to come and use your hand to welcome trouble

    Google Abeg !

  23. Xxx

    May 28, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    This confession box stories are usually too spiced up. Very obvious

    • Cocolette

      May 29, 2017 at 2:06 pm

      How is this spiced up now? So you mean these things don’t happen in real life where you are??????? ?

  24. Dora

    May 29, 2017 at 12:11 am

    Google and YouTube are your friends Hun. Get a bit independent minded. It is not rocket science. Besides, your mother instincts are strong enough to guide you. There are no rules. Always listen to Ur instincts and you baby will be fine. You don’t need a mother or mother in law to teach you. Good luck. Xxx

    • Wendy

      May 29, 2017 at 3:10 am

      U got the right word!! Independent!!
      Sometimes, these people think that having a new born is a gateway to laziness by making everyone around them their slaves.

  25. G

    May 29, 2017 at 1:47 am

    That woman may low key be harbouring resentment towards you and will come back and show you pepper. Better make friends and learn by yourself for the sake of peace in your home

  26. kelechi

    May 29, 2017 at 7:45 am

    People are DIFFERENT in my experience as a health visitor in the uk the pregnancy, postnatal period can open the door for represssed insecurities to showup leading to postnatal depression and anxiety disorder. I was impressed when someone commented and advised the young lady to get screened for these conditions. Health visitors in uk are trained to do a family health needs assessment at our initial contact with the family. New migrants, first time mums, growing up in forster care hence no role model for parenting, domestic violence, make a person subceptible to depression and anxiety. Young lady do you have friends?. Are there local mum and baby groups you can attend? You can access nhs new born resources( from any part of the world) Are you member of a church community (do not be ashame to reach out to other mothers) i know having this baby has openned you and reminded uou that you never had a maternal role model. You are now in unfamiliar teritory and eager to latch on to any support avaliable even from what you described as controlling mother in law. I wouldnt advised that because right now you are vunerable and i assure you she will pick up on your vunerabilities and use them against you and your home. Infact things have moved on scientifically since your mother in laws time. How are you going to cope with her forcing an unsafe practice i.e introducing solids before baby is 6months, when you have researched it and realise it does more harm then any good. It is very important that you TAKE CONTROL of anyone coming into to you at this emotionally,spiritually unstable time. Whatever you do please do not invite trouble. Your baby does not need the atmosphere neither does your relationship with your husband.
    On a different note it would be a great idea if in nigeria we had trainned nursery nurses who could assist women during the omugo period. Its something im looking to set up . personally i do not support the use of untrained maids they do more harm than good.Just my opinion.

  27. June

    May 29, 2017 at 7:54 am

    Anyone inspired to write an “omugwo 101” book ? Lol! Market dey oh

  28. Bollarbie

    May 29, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    @Darius I’m actually New on here

  29. Nuna

    May 30, 2017 at 9:55 am

    You totally dont need any omugwo whatever. I survived the first six weeks of having my son in the US alone before I came home to Nigeria and my mom then came. By that time I was already a pro. There’s so much information online, make use of it. If your mother in law is as horrible as you claim, then you dont need her around you this period

  30. COKE

    May 30, 2017 at 11:52 am

    Dear story teller, I totally blame your husband who reduced his mother into a sweeping broom before you.
    Grandma will always be happy when the grand kids come around for holidays but their mothers wont be happy when grandma comes calling.

  31. Monica

    May 30, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    Dear poster. Let sleeping dogs lie!

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