Mrs Kush: How to Keep Your Man with Food

Hello sister girl, my name is Mrs Kush, my food “expertise” doesn’t extend to relationships, so you might want to take my opinion with a pinch of salt. If you would, however, like to know what I think on this matter please grab a snack. This is going to blow your mind!

So, you want to know how to keep a man with food possibly even attract one with food? Here is my tip, YOU CANNOT KEEP A MAN WITH FOOD!

Did I disappoint you? Sorry. The headline was click bait. Now that I have you here, let me give you the reasons why you CANNOT keep a man with food, based on logistics some of my personal experiences.

I have had a long-distance marriage, twice
The first time was shortly after we got married, He was studying in another country. I couldn’t feed him across the ocean obviously. If I was keeping him (keeping each other) with food, our marriage would essentially be over, since I wasn’t bringing anything to the table literally. Did he miss my cooking? Of course, he did!

I am Mrs Kush, I slay in the kitchen… but all that slayage couldn’t help in this regard. We had to use boring old communication to get us through those tough times. Same thing, when he traveled for work a few years after that.

I have friends that are terrible cooks with great boyfriends/husbands
Do they complain, of course they do. Same way you always complain about your man’s constant farting or toothpaste etiquette (#teamsqueezefromthebottom). You find it annoying, but for some people, it’s hardly a deal breaker. If enough years pass, you don’t even notice because you have found ways round it. Other things like a great personality and loyalty seem to be more important in the grand scheme of things.

The way to a man heart is through food
This is true, very true. It’s a nice thing for you to make delicious meals for your man if you can. It’s also a nice thing for him to make a delicious meal for you if he can; because the way to a woman’s heart is also through food. Except that I have never actually won a government contract by presenting food. I don’t know of anyone who has either (this doesn’t apply to catering contracts et al) but even then, the best meal will not be the only consideration. Structure, organization, business integrity, track record etc. will also be factors and since we are in Nigeria, connection is a major key. Humans are like government contractors; good food is a plus, but other things need to be in place.

Some chefs have admitted to hating cooking at home
I once read an interview about a chef that said he looked forward to his wife’s average meals when he got home because, I’m paraphrasing here “I was tired of eating mede mede every day so, a simple meal of potatoes and sausage was a refreshing change”. He also said whenever people visited him at home and asked him to cook he’d tell them to f**k off because according to him “I spend 6 days a week cooking for 12 hours, there is no way I’m doing that at home,  for free!”. I can imagine some happily married female chefs feel exactly the same.

Some of our mothers will always be better cooks than us
Remember when you had a baby and your mum came to stay with you for a bit. Didn’t you and le boo look forward to her cooking? After the short vacation was over and she went back to her house, did your husband run off with you mother? No? I rest my case.

I listened to a radio show once where the presenter was describing how a mum went to do omugwo is the US and started an affair with her son-in-law. Chai! I doubt it was as a result of food though, they were just disloyal people… period.

So how do you keep a man? To be honest my opinion is you don’t. You cannot keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept.  The same thing applies to women. You can only be yourself, your best self and hope that it is enough.

If it isn’t, it’s their loss not yours. If God can love you just the way you are, someone somewhere will too.

Just be yourself.
Love,

Mrs Kush.

Ps.
I heard a story of how a woman “stole” someone’s boyfriend by cooking him different kinds of Nigerian soups, while the main chick was busy doing slay mama. Just wanted to throw that spanner in the works. They went on to get married and have kids. Let’s just hope the man doesn’t taste someone else’s delicious Nigerian soup anytime soon!

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