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FitFam But Bae is Not! 6 Struggles Of Being the Fit Person in a Relationship

Nkem Ndem



If you are fitness conscious, chances are that you desire a partner who is well-toned and possibly more attractive than you are. You would prefer pairing up with someone that understands and values the importance of caring for the body through exercise and proper/healthy dieting. You want someone who is at least as fit and physically appealing as you are – not a chubby, big, fat, or obese person.

Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, personality plays a huge role. As such, you sometimes find yourself attracted to somebody who scales outrageously below your standard for physical beauty. They are not the ‘spec’ you would normally go for, in terms of physical beauty and looks, yet you find yourself completely enamored…so much that you slide the ring down their finger in front of the priest, your family, and friends.

Sure you love them and you are genuinely loyal, but unlike the general saying, love does not exactly conquer all, you find that you still have to deal with certain insecurities on their part; to your surprise, there some yearnings (that you cannot discuss or even mention) linger on your part.

Here are 6 struggles you endure when you are the fit or more attractive one in the relationship.

You can’t do the things you love the most with them
You are the chairman of the #fitfam society and so you spend the bulk of your free time at the gym exercising, or in front of the TV watching fitness shows. More than anything, you want to be able to match your fitness gear with your partner and go with them to the gym. You want to be able to share broccoli salad with him/her, and have a banter on healthy food recipess…but, you can’t. And it is a shame because if your partner just compromises and starts exercising with you, rather than always kick up a fuss about you spending too much time at the gym, you could actually have more quality time together. You could be on the journey to a healthier life and a more fabulous body together.

People assume you’re with you partner for money
Of course, our society is so obsessed with the mismatched couples – couples in which one partner is significantly attractive than the other- so much that they look for reasons to justify the disparity. You are fit and good looking, but your boyfriend is a XXXL, it can only be her money you are after. In fact, he is your Sugar Daddy – it doesn’t matter if you are older. Either that or he is from a wealthy home and is or has the connection you need to achieve your goals in life.

There really is no explanation. Otherwise, why would you settle for such a person? How can you love such a person for who they are? How can? Love in 2017 is not blind.

You can’t honestly respond to their self-deprecating remarks
“This top makes me look like Agege bread inside tight nylon, abi?” It actually does! But you can’t honestly tell them that. It would hurt them and get you in their bad book. You don’t want to lie to them either, so you either change the topic or dissuade them from wearing based on other reasons. You are very sure they can solve all their body image problems by just joining you to the gym, but they are stubborn and you are tired of cajoling them. The worst is when they ask questions like: “ who do you think is more attractive between the two of us?” uhm…duh. Do you even need to ask?

You just smile because you also cannot truly answer that without making them feel you are criticizing them.

Basically, you have come to accept their body and love it…but you just wish they could accept their body too and stop making you feel bad because you take care of yours better.

Sex positions are limited
They are not fit; no matter how adventurous they want to be, they can only just lie back and let you do all the work in bed. In fact, they cannot go more than one round because stamina is something they don’t have. The need to catch their breath, refuel and maybe sleep before they can continue. You, on the other hand, have so much energy rippling through your body, but what can you do really? Better to sleep in peace than continue only to stop halfway because he or she pulled a muscle, suffered a heart attack, or worse, gave up the ghost.

You partner gets jealous and suspects your fit friends
You partner gets very jealous when they meet your gym colleagues or friends that are fit. They compare these friends to themselves and feel a form of self-loathing. The horrible thing about it is that, they take this feeling of self-loathing out on you, irritating you and making up reasons why you need to cut such friends off or stay away from them.

That your Hulk Hogan trainer has the ‘hots’ for you, are you saying you don’t know, or you are just pretending and enjoying all the attention?

Wow! So this is why you go to the gym? …to go and be shining in front of all those fake girls, abi?

Even when the friends are of the same sex, they still find something to say “Why didn’t you introduce us? You are ashamed of me abi?

They find ways to make you feel guilty for making friends, or for simply hanging out with others who are in good shape. It frustrates you because you are innocent, but you cannot tell your partner off as much as you want. You don’t want to exacerbate things by hurting his/her feelings.

You feel like their therapist or parent
You constantly find yourself in a position where you are advising them on how to eat better or make better health choices. You seize some of their snacks, take it upon yourself to cook for them, you have long talks with them and even try to bribe them into going to the gym with you…even if it is once a month, but they ignore your advice and get on with their unhealthy habits. Still, you feel the need to take some action…but then a fight ensues. You make amends and the cycle continues. Basically, you start to feel like you have an incorrigible child on your hands. You become a parent before you are even ready to be one. All because you love them and want to make the relationship work.

Have you expereinced any of these struggles? How did you manage your situation?

Photo Credit: Georgerudy |

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv


  1. FitFam

    June 28, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    Haven been with a fit partner in the past and now dealing with my ‘pregnant bf’, i can relate to this article.

    • Nate

      June 29, 2017 at 8:10 am

      Healthy living is a love language for me, so I hope to be with someone who at least wants to try

  2. Whocares

    June 29, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Good lords! Is it just me or is this feature very condescending? Sometimes it’s not a matter of going to the gym or nah, some people cannot shed the weight for other health related issues…

    • Chi

      June 29, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Stopppp! This article supposes you know your bae and know that the only reason he/she is not fit is because the are uninterested not because they have health issues

    • Sunshine in London

      June 29, 2017 at 10:15 am


    • Sherlie Holmes

      June 29, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      The only “health related issue” that would prevent people from shedding weight is laziness. I’m guilty of it myself. I know what I need to do, just gotta do it! Simple!

  3. FinchleysFinest

    June 29, 2017 at 11:56 am

    @WHOCARES…. Like???

  4. Ada_ugo

    June 29, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    @Sunshine & Finchley, like a thyroid or other hormonal or metabolism-related condition.

  5. Mummybobo

    June 29, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    That’s the excuse they give this days “health related issues”. Mshewwwww

  6. Mahka

    June 29, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    My cousin gf is very fat; clinically dangerous, my cousin ;mkpala like stick, doesn’t work out or exercise much but he keeps it slender; healthy eating n stuffs
    Anytime dude tries to talk anything sports, work out, exercise, fitness, great bod…anything in those lines babe grows dumb, stiff n non conversational.
    I noticed it a lot. I work out too n she raises her nose about how’ slim people wan break on top exercise’. How do I even start this level one fitness talk with her n not appear condescending.

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