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Akpo Uyeh: She Is out of Your League

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The concept of being out of someone’s league is not known to some people. Certain people have an idea of what they want for themselves and stooping lower than such expectations is never a welcome idea.

This brings me to the story of Sheneneh. She buys her designer shoes and clothes, drives a posh car, has two Masters degrees, works in one of the multinational companies where she earns a fat salary and has several investment deals. Sheneneh is not your everyday lady; she is independent, ambitious and single.

The other day in the banking hall, a flier dropped as she tried to take something from her bag. She bent to pick it up, but not before the security man standing in the corner had taken a quick glance at the flier which was for an upcoming programme in a church that he too attended. As Sheneneh left the hall, the security man followed. He caught up with her and the following conversation ensued:

“Do you attend CCA?”

“CCA?” She said quizzically.

“I mean Christ Church Apostolic.”

At this point, she knew she could neither lie nor feign surprise because she was a chorister in the church, so Sheneneh answered in the affirmative. But he didn’t end there. “I also attend CCA. I am in Bible Study unit”, he said. He rambled on about everything for a while to Sheneneh who was present but absent, until he said, “Lemme have your number”

Gossip spread at CCA like fire in harmattan, and Sheneneh knew she definitely didn’t want to ever be the topic of such for not giving a brother her number, so she grudgingly let him have it. After all, she could either block him if he eventually called her or just be friends. The latter was very unlikely because he was obviously out of her league. Even though she was already over 30 with no Mr. Right in the picture, and the pressure to get married hitting hard, Sheneneh was still bent on keeping to her standards.

This scenario is not uncommon; most times, when a lady brings a man that she intends to marry home, the first question her parents would likely ask is what he does for a living. Should he mention an occupation that they do not find good enough, he just might never get their blessing. Imagine, parents who have invested so much in their daughter’s education allowing her settle for a man that is way below what they deem fit.

I know people say Rome was not built in a day, and I’ve heard stories of people who went from grass to grace over time and with the right spouse by their side. I also know that women at a certain age, are advised to stop being choosy and realise that ‘man na man’ and there are more women than men, so men are scarceWhile I would like to address this extensively another day, I think that there is actually such a thing as being out of one’s league and it should be okay to stick to yours and want what you want, regardless.

Personally, I do not think this is snobbery, neither is it a crime. It is simply staying in your lane as long as other values are not compromised.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

13 Comments

  1. Spunky

    August 9, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    Ok. We get it.

  2. Dude

    August 9, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    I don’t get the point of all this

  3. gbaskelebo

    August 9, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    Out of your league,,, I have heard that expression over and over again, what is that really? forgive me but this beautiful “write” is the real definition of a single story! Biased in every form, explaining one part without considering the other, what about reversing the condition for a man, we do it all the time, we go out with those considered “in lower league”… out of your league is not in the consideration for men, Forgive me when I say it is no longer class but the grandeur of aggrandizing selfishness on display! Pride they say goes before a fall, that expression “out of your league” defines the peak of pride and you know what follows after that! Unto second base jare!

  4. Ephi

    August 9, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    This kind of meaningless mindset is why people desperately do anything to make money in Nigeria. Not only league, it is premiership. Rubbish.

  5. john

    August 9, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    to all men..the simple truth is no woman born on planet earth is above any man league ..it is the caliber of men that “date” her is what is above ur league

  6. Rampage

    August 9, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    2 masters degrees does not mean much. Even the security guy could have 2 masters degrees.

  7. Biodun

    August 9, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    Every woman has her right to stick to what she wants, inasmuch she can bear the consequences. Though, this attitude mostly abides with ladies of this digital age, men cannot be totally exonerated. It’s time the daughters of Eve had a rethink on Out of your league. Nice concept, Akpo.

  8. omo ajorosun

    August 10, 2017 at 10:02 am

    I always advise that people marry within their social class/league.

    Let us be realistic; the lady in the scenario painted here is obviously well to do. You then come her way with your broke ass self and expect her to stoop below her standards because you are who? She then insists on maintaining her lifestyle and you call her high maintenance or a gold digger. She is simply out of your league; do not punch above your weight. Do not try to intimidate her with your inferiority complex. You saw her lifestyle before you approached her.

    If you cannot maintain her lifestyle or at best, allow her to maintain her lifestyle please step aside. Staying with a woman who is above your financial capability and expecting her to change because of you is nothing but witchcraft.

    • chrisyinks

      August 10, 2017 at 1:04 pm

      It’s hard to be realistic when the fundamentals of a relationship isn’t rational. Relationships and by extension, marriage isn’t build solely on logic, emotions too play an important part.

      While the lady might be well-to-do, we don’t know what ideals she holds in high esteem. I reckon some extremely wealthy people would in a blink of an eye, trade their wealth for a loving and true relationship with a ‘broke ass’ as you term the man in question. Lifestyle changes to meet the demands or realities of different life phases and concluding that maintaining one’s current lifestyle trumps other life achievements may be a bit presumptuous. From time immemorial, men have been known to stoop lower than their ‘class’ in marrying a lady. Last, we don’t know the outlook of the man in question. your assumption that he would expect her to downgrade her class is prejudicial.

  9. omo ajorosun

    August 10, 2017 at 10:17 am

    I must also talk to the ladies;

    Dear Sister,

    Please be certain of what you are getting yourself into. Do not let your emotions cloud your judgment. If you are dating or marrying a man who does not earn as much as you do or is out of your social class; ask yourself pertinent questions like;

    Can he afford to maintain my lifestyle? Am I okay with maintaining my current lifestyle without any contribution from him? Can he handle me maintaining my current lifestyle without any contribution from him?

    Do not expect him to maintain your lifestyle when you know he cannot afford it. Do not also assume that he will be okay with you maintaining your own lifestyle. You will be surprised that he will expect you to downgrade your lifestyle to suit his budget; some men are wicked like that.

    So have that conversation with your partner and know what you are getting yourself into. It will save you needless headaches in the future.

  10. Exotique

    August 10, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Good article Akpo but too brief. I daresay it would have been better if it was more detailed and explored both sides. Having said that, we can argue from now till tomorrow, but THERE ARE LEAGUES. Both subtle and glaring leagues along so many necessary and unnecessary lines. Educated and uneducated. 1st degree and 2nd degree. 2 or more degrees and 1 degree. Ivy league education or not. Naija bred and ‘abroad’ bred. Married and single. Married rich and Married average and married poor…..Just be realistic that there are demands associated with going out of ones league.

  11. memebaby

    August 10, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    there are leagues or class or whatever you want to call it..i’m studying for my MBA and working at 25 and i’ve met a few guys age 28 and above who did not complete uni or only went to college and not doing much for themselves.. errr.. i don’t want no part in that.. theres a guy i’m talking to..only went to college which is different from a university but he’s a software developer at some startup company and that I can work with because he is driven, hardworking etc and not hanging out at some studio cooking up a mixtape lol..
    i have been snobbed by a man at some black law networking event smh.. was it because i wasn’t in law school or because i told him i just have a BA in sociology and working at a call centre lol i have no idea
    so there are leagues.. go for what you are comfortable with

  12. barrister lawyer

    August 10, 2017 at 11:40 pm

    Can someone please give me an example of a douchebag? No not this author, as that will be too easy. Another example.

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