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Ayibaemi Bozimo: Straight Outta Friend Zone

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The friend zone is a level in a platonic relationship where one of the people involved wishes for a romantic or sexual relationship as against mere friendship.

Before I establish my stand, I’d like to say that dating takes more than just feelings. Other factors such as one’s psychology, ability to apply knowledge and understand also play a role. If you keep getting hurt, it just might be because you just keep looking out for only feelings and ignore the other factors.

That said, this article is meant for guys who are seeking to exit the friend zone and progress to a relationship, and those that are too scared of telling a girl what they really want, mostly for fear of losing the friendship as is often the case. The following tips should help hasten the process of getting out the friend zone.

Be Confident
The importance of being self-confident cannot be overemphasized. If you lack this trait then pulling this off might be a problem. You must first believe in yourself before others can believe in you. Girls love a confident man that can carry himself. Even if you aren’t a Morris Chestnut, it’s okay to fake it till you make it…if you make it. Be careful though, lest you cross the very thin line between confidence and arrogance.

Bring out your Alpha Male
An alpha male is strong, domineering and firm. Women love men that know how to lead. A lot of men are in the friend zone because you think a girl is better than you. You place her on a pedestal that you assume you can’t reach and a lot of times you do this because a girl is either really attractive or has a good job, so you conclude that she’s unreachable. A woman’s looks should not dictate how you treat her, a man that knows basic psychology can win a woman over, regardless of her status. Picture this.

Call her sounding super excited, “Hey, you won’t believe what’s happening this weekend’’. Naturally, she will be curious and ask what. Stall for a bit, then say “Cancel all plans you have for Saturday because you’re going to look stunning when I come pick you up at 7pm, see you then”.

Be direct, have a plan and take the lead. Women are attracted to a man that has a plan and knows how to take control. When a man has a plan it means he has a purpose, and has reasons for his actions. Texting her to say “Hey, what are you doing this Friday? Wanna chill?” will almost surely get you no where.

Subtly Mention You’ve been going out on Dates
Tell her you have been seeing a few people, not to make her jealous but to show her other women are interested in you. This sort of validates the fact that you’re a good catch. Casually drop hints about how great your conversation with Ada went the other day. For some weird reason people always want what they can’t have while some want what others have. Based on psychology, this will increase her level of interest and maybe start seeing potential in you.

Nice Guys Carry Last; Be Assertive
Now you’re on a proper date with her, grab the opportunity to make an impression. Bring up interesting engaging conversations, make her laugh, tease her a little, Most women  a guy that is just too nice and says all the right things, its boring, it’s predictable, and she’d walk all over you. Have a little edge. Have an opinion, don’t just agree with whatever she says; have a stand and stick to it.

Be Exciting and Spontaneous:
This is tricky, because you could be a naturally boring person. However, if you are going to hang out with other people, you will need to loosen up.

Now you’re trying to get this girl’s attention so you want to stand out from what she’s used to. Dinner after a movie is nice, but switch it up a little, go to an art gallery, a wine tasting event, on long walks, drive around the city while you talk about your aspirations. Show her a side to life she probably hasn’t seen. This should increase her interest level in you.

Don’t be too available
Now, I’m not saying you should intentionally avoid her, but don’t be all up on her grill. Being constantly available can make you seem less appealing. Limit your calls and texts, let her miss you. Let her actually miss talking to you. Conversations tend to get very routine if you are always on the phone.

Get Your Bedmatics Right
If you’re lucky enough to ever get in the sheets with her, do not be scared to ask what she likes. This is your opportunity to show her you’re the man. A lot of otherwise good guys mess up here because they are a bit too gentle in bed. Most women like a man that is not scared of being nasty, a man that’s dominant in bed, one that has absolute control in the sack is always a turn on. Get her a pair of sexy lingerie and ask her to walk around the room in them and then sit back while you admire and compliment her body, spank her and tell her how naughty she is, invite her into your sexual fantasies and explore hers as well.

I’m almost certain if you try these out, you would send yourself forth from friend zone to the zone of your dreams with the girl of your dreams. If all these fail, then maybe she’s just isn’t that into you bro, move ahead.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Eva Bozimo is the editor-in-chief of the life style site candid lips blog. She’s a freelance writer and can be reached for writing articles for magazines, blogs, script writing and reviews. She created her platform to raise the consciousness level of people and to spread positivity. Also to recognise the challenges we face everyday, especially in Africa. Find her on https://evabozimo.wixsite.com/candidlipsblog Instagram: @Eva.chanel/@candidlipsblog Twitter: @EvaChanel

7 Comments

  1. Bunnie

    August 14, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    Yippee!!!! My baby yo’s write up got featured on bellanaija. “Don’t be too available” did it for me. Like Ayi rightfully said, don’t be intentionally unavailable cos we know when that’s the case o. But some guys can be all up in your case even when you aren’t dating sha; it gets boring and irritating sometimes. It’s worse when the conversation on a daily is centred around whether babe has eaten or not. And then they stay hanging on the line waiting for you to come up with interesting conversation.

  2. Jo!

    August 15, 2017 at 7:16 am

    “Call her sounding super excited, “Hey, you won’t believe what’s happening this weekendNaturally, she will be curious and ask what. Stall for a bit, then say “Cancel all plans you have for Saturday because you’re going to look stunning when I come pick you up at 7pm, see you then”.

    Fa fa fa foul. Lmaoooooooooooooo. Dun do it, abort mission. I say ABORT MISSION. There’s no scenario I can think of where this ends well, especially in Nigeria, I want to write about all the reasons this “organizing a surprise date while setting mad expectations” thing is a terrible idea particularly in Lagos/anywhere in Nigeria, but I’ve already written an essay. Just don’t set mad expectations except you’re CERTAIN you’ll match up.

    However if you’re the one that asked me to go out, honestly, don’t come asking me “where should we go”, it’s such a let down. You can come to me with options: “dinner at NOK or at Talindos”, drinks at winehouse or Miliki, “a boat ride or a road trip/picnic” but don’t actually come to me and let me start fussing over where to go, don’t be clueless, ask people for Gods sake. Take charge

    • Nkechi Onyinye Ogbonna

      August 15, 2017 at 9:18 am

      However if you’re the one that asked me to go out, honestly, don’t come asking me “where should we go”, it’s such a let down. You can come to me with options: “dinner at NOK or at Talindos”, drinks at winehouse or Miliki, “a boat ride or a road trip/picnic” but don’t actually come to me and let me start fussing over where to go, don’t be clueless, ask people for Gods sake. Take charge”

      I agree with you on this one. It just turns me off and i just switch moods. In my head am like can 11pm just draw nigh and let me go home.

    • Asa

      August 15, 2017 at 9:48 am

      I particularly love this part “honestly, don’t come asking me “where should we go”. Guys ask you out and then suddenly start acting confused “ehm… do you want to go and watch movies? Or do you want to hang out at a garden? Hmmm? Tell me now? Okay what do you like doing?”. Abeg abeg abeg, if you don’t have plans then I don’t have plans either, let us both stay home, I didn’t ask to go out with you.

      Now friend zone is difficult to get out of but trust me if a platonic friend asks me to look wow for a hang-out, I will say I am not doing. Go back to the friend zone that you want to escape from.

  3. Jo!

    August 15, 2017 at 7:18 am

    Ps: Why’re you called Ayi and not Emi?

  4. Frankie

    August 15, 2017 at 10:40 am

    This was a good read ..points taken ..now watch brothers leave the friendzone lol..good job ayi

  5. Kawacute

    August 29, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    Well said Bozimo!!!!!! I enjoyed ur write-up and I hope to read more write-ups from you. While a guy is busy friend zoning a girl some other guy is planning a proposal.i believe the man is the head and should take lead at all times. I feel I’m a strong character so if u don’t show me u can lead, I may end up friend zoning you, lol.

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