Chantel Netimah: 8 Mistakes Women Make with Men

We Fall In Love With Potential
I cannot possibly be the only one who has made this mistake. Often times we know this person isn’t good for us, but we sometimes suffer from the ‘I Can Change Him’ syndrome, so we focus on what he could be. If only he was X, Y, and Z. The fantasy may be lovely, but you have to keep your head in the here and now. You could derail a relationship if you don’t keep your head and feet firmly in reality.

Keep it real. You can’t change a man who doesn’t want to change for himself; this means that you would keep holding on to fragments of him and working extra hard at the relationship and just be miserable the whole time. He would probably leave anyway, and next thing you know he is marrying someone else who either likes him the way he. The person has decided he’s good and ready to be the best man he can be, and you wonder where you went wrong. STOP HOLDING ON TO POTENTIAL (yes, I am shouting)

Mistaking Lust for Love
You see that butterfly feeling you have in your tummy when you first meet them? Ermmm that’s not love, that’s common sense leaving your brain. You have seen fine man and you don’t have sense again. We often mistake a strong attraction with a guy as connection. It is not the same.

Sexual attraction is not love, it is not like. Aunty it is what it is: SEXUAL ATTRACTION. Now what you want to do with it is up to you. You’re an adult, but just don’t go crying to your friends ‘I gave him my body soul and mind’ ‘he used me’ (I’m laughing at all these and rolling my eyes because I’ve heard them a lot of times and it’s funny)

Women Who Talk Too Much Syndrome
I am guilty of this. There is nothing wrong with communication. But is verbalising every feeling, mood, and annoyance communication? Communication: ‘the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing or behaviour’

Now let’s take note that the key word here is ‘exchange’. So, if all you are doing is off-loading so they can ‘listen’; then we certainly have a one-way ticket to relationship doom. Not only is the relationship an equivalent of verbal diarrhoea, but I think it drives men insane, when we feel the need to talk all the time. Look, before you had a man you had friends, right? (hopefully you haven’t abandoned them cause of man. If you have, shame on you) Talk to your friends, but keep the private things for your man. DO NOT DISCUSS EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS. IT IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS.

We Think Sex Can Hold Them
Having sex with a man would not keep him in the relationship. Being open to trying all kinds of sex tricks in the book won’t keep him. If you like, swing from a chandelier during sex; it still won’t keep him if he doesn’t want to be there. Yes, men do often think with their dicks, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that catering to the dick would fix the woes. IT WON’T. Being great at sex won’t make a great relationship; it only makes it great sex and if he feels that something is missing whether right or wrong, he won’t graduate you from casual sex to girlfriend position.

Yes, we all want a man who knows what he wants but sometimes, we want to settle too quickly and can be subtle or too obvious about it. You want to start playing wife when you haven’t even reached girlfriend. Stop making something even before there is something. One day the man would wake up see all your tampons and pads, hair straighteners, wigs and fear would grip him (why? Because he is about to lose his freedom and he isn’t sure he is ready just yet) and he would go cold on you. Try not to need a man so desperately to feel secure and happy. Find it on your own first. We need to slow down a little and not force the hand of relationships.

Placing Everything On Them
There was a time in your life when the current guy didn’t exist and you were still alive but suddenly he appears and you have turned him to the reason why you are breathing and living, and suddenly can’t function without him. Suddenly he is paying all your bills and sorting out all your family problems and catering to your every need and you’re not bothering with your friends anymore or doing anything for yourself. You’re a person with some level of independence, don’t ditch it because you have a man now.

We ‘Allow’ Too Much
As women we have the tendency of allowing too much of the wrong things. We’ll allow a guy to be unavailable, ‘too busy’ to communicate or mistreat us because he’s got a dick, money, or because we don’t feel secure enough to tell him to get lost, but we won’t allow a guy past the gates if he’s ‘too nice’. Ever heard a girl tell you ‘I broke up with him because he is too nice’? I always respond with ‘common sense is not common’

We Love Them More Than We Love Ourselves
If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect a man to love you? When you allow a man be the reason for your happiness and complete you, it implies that you’re miserable and incomplete without him. Don’t focus your energy on dubious relationships and neglecting yourself, friends and family because these species call men show you small love.

We Don’t Know When To Quit
Look, nobody enjoys breakups, but men in particular don’t like confrontation with women. This means they would ride the donkey (the relationship) until it collapses, whilst privately feeling very aggrieved to be ‘trapped’. Sometimes the fear of being on our own is even greater than the fear of not having a man in our life, even if he mistreats us, doesn’t actually want to be with us. We make noise about calling it off if he doesn’t do certain things, but we often don’t, giving the guy carte blanche to do what he likes. He does lose respect when he knows he can do whatever he likes and you won’t say anything.

Does any of this sound like someone you know? We have all being there at some point in our lives.

Photo Credit: © Scott Griessel | Dreamstime