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Nkem Says: Why Do Men Feel Threatened By Intelligent Women?

Nkem Ndem

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Growing up, I was never bullied or given the cold shoulder for being a girl, or for being smart. I remember my school reports were always a celebration at home. My father was super proud of me and my friends never felt threatened or jealous. They were super intelligent as well and did not need to feel threatened in any way. Yes, I was nicknamed “Bacillus” by my mates in the first year of secondary school, but even that was justified as starting at the early age of 9, I was the smallest in the entire school and still cried over everything.

I grew up with the mentality that being intelligent was a good thing – a strength that would endear people to me. It never occurred to me that it would instead be a sort of hindrance,  when it came to dating.

I have come to realize that although most men cite intelligence as one of the top qualities they look for in a woman, they can’t handle a living, breathing intelligent woman staring them in the face. They call themselves “Sapiosexuals” but in reality, they are only attracted to the intelligent woman when there is a psychological or physical distance between them.

Because culture and society has conditioned men to feel superior, they cannot really abide a woman with a competitive edge – a woman who actually has interesting perspectives and opinions that either challenge or extend their own. God forbid that the woman corrects them, upstages them or worse, make them feel worthless. They would rather pass this intelligent woman up for someone with far less mental wattage.

Of course, my intention is not to markdown women who aren’t intellectually inclined or suggest that one type of woman is superior to another. Obviously different qualities make different women unique in their own ways, and that is great. My beef, however, is that “smart” or “intelligent” is considered a debilitating affliction or objectionable quality in a woman (which ultimately, does put one type of woman down). If a woman seems too smart or accomplished, she is seen as intimidating or emasculating and typecast as “non-dating material”. If she is witty and competitive, automatically she is considered challenging and overbearing. And while most intelligent women aren’t pretentious or egotistical about it, many times men assume they are.

But why is this?

I got the opinion of three male friends. The first who I consider very brainy, argued that intelligent women are go-getters, they are controlling and intense, so when dating they come off as desperate, domineering and almost belligerent. And while these traits are not necessarily bad, they go against the grain of natural sexual tension and attraction that men thrive on. Again, men are disinterested in women who have a potential to be competitive and controlling romantically.

The second, on the other hand, blatantly said that ‘dumb’ girls were just cuter as they called to the protective instincts of the guy. It is clear to the guy that she needs him and she makes him feel like his life is purposeful. Also, she is not as difficult as intelligent women who required the man to put in a lot of work and effort in the relationship.

The third friend, in addition, defended the stance that men date less intelligent women, not because they want women to be dumb but rather because they want women who will not challenge their priorities, but will instead rearrange theirs (the women) own priorities to conform to or be compatible with the men’s.

Clearly, the problem lies in the fact that men feel that smart women threaten their masculinity in some form or the other. But shouldn’t keeping up with an intelligent woman, rather than expecting her to dumb herself down be much more invigorating for the male? Why should a woman have to compromise on her intelligence just to fit a certain mould?

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

63 Comments

  1. Curios

    November 12, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    my dear stop lying to yourself. Men aren’t intimated or scared of intelligent ladies. Actually being with an intelligent lady is like hitting a jackpot, they challenge and inspire you to become better at everything. The conversations are sweeter than sex.

    What “some men” or “most men” fear….is an independent lady!!! One who has her acts together and doesn’t depend on you for anything whatsoever. This is where the real trouble is. And the reason is simple. In this part of the world men have been fooled into thinking that the only edge they have in a relationship is being the one who provides or earns more. So they feel they can misbehave and get away with it, because she is not going to move. Why? The things she stands to loose. And this is not entirely the men’s fault….ladies of this generation and their obsession with material things have helped solidify this false opinion. But there are ladies who don’t give a damn about what the guy has or can get someone better…that’s where the real fear is. Cos the guy knows in this case if he messes up… He loses her for good. And so in order to maintain this egde, you have guys who are always trying to repress their women and prevent them from anything that could alter this balance. They try to stop her for pursue her career or dreams, why this would lead to the much dreaded independence!!!

    • Elvis

      November 13, 2017 at 9:47 am

      I ONLY concur with your first paragraph

    • Loki

      November 13, 2017 at 10:00 am

      I love you. Let’s get married and have beautiful babies. I don’t care what gender you are. It’s all the same to me baby.

    • PurpleSapio

      November 14, 2017 at 10:44 am

      Kind sir, I was smiling at your comment until your second paragraph. Yes, men may not care for independent women too much, but independence is supposed to be a good trait right?
      Anyway, I digress.

      Speaking from experience, a lot of men can’t handle intelligent/smart/deep women. I have been put down by guys because they say my ‘blood too dey rush’ and because they didn’t think I needed to have an opinion all the time.

      As Nkem said in the write-up;

      “They call themselves “Sapiosexuals” but in reality, they are only attracted to the intelligent woman when there is a psychological or physical distance between them.”

      While chatting, having phone conversations and other indirect correspondences they can’t get enough, but most of them can’t sustain it.

      In the end, the heart wants what the heart wants, but we prefer if guys didn’t claim to be what they are not.

      Gracias 😀

  2. Curios

    November 12, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Just to add. Some of the smartest and most successful women in Nigeria today are married and are married to Nigerian men

  3. Curios

    November 12, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    ?i Meant to say “Most” and Not “some”.
    BN is it possible to get an exit button…?

  4. Sammie

    November 12, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    I beg to differ… Definition of Intelligence is Subjective. Who shouts the loudest doesn’t necessary win or know the argument.

    • Serve

      November 13, 2017 at 5:30 pm

      @sammie
      It’s definitely subjective. Are we speaking of just book smart or a well rounded intelligence. I don’t care if you are a doctor or top accountant in your firm, if you lack common sense, you are not intelligent. And majority of book smart people lack common sense. They might know formula to a physics problem but lack in so many areas. My grandmother never went to school but she’s one of the most intelligent person I know even more than my dad who is a medical doctor.
      Only few people are actually intelligent. Although. I will say a lot of “intelligent” women come with a chip on their shoulder. Bad attitude, arrogant, overly controlling, unrealistic expectation rude etc
      So, if a man is not into you, it may be for various reasons but women easily conclude he’s intimidated by their intelligence and success which is far from it.

  5. Miles

    November 12, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    This article is the equivalent of a guy writing something like “Why are women so money conscious”…. Sounds stupid right? I mean the generalizations and all.
    I think the problem is that Nigerian women feel that everyman they meet has to conform to whatever standards they have set up of an ideal man in their head. My dear if you meet man A and he apparently doesn’t like you because you are ”intelligent”, I don’t think it warrants writing an article which such baseless generalisations. It’s simple like I learnt form Yvonne nelson in the other article pack your stuff and move to Mr. B. If he still doesn’t suit you keep moving, until you find what you are looking for. There has to be someone for you out there.
    Like Sammie said ” intelligence ” is subjective …and I am sure their many ladies who are far more intelligent than you are who are happily married.

  6. Chief

    November 12, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    Not at all!! Real men are not threatened by intelligent women.Men aren’t intimidated/threatened by such women,you are just misinterpreting”put off” as intimidation.Listen!! main reason why men don’t marry/date them because of their certain superiority spirit of making the ship to have several captains,most of them can be arrogant about their intelligence,also their better than you syndrome which normally takes effect after marriage/relationship and of course the intellectual competition which usually ends up in argument.Don’t get me wrong,intelligence is sexy,what can i say? most men love intelligent/highly educated women from a distance but once they come into contact with such women,there is a decrease in attraction.Although educated and career women are not necessarily the same thing in people’s view but the same in my own view.Most men prefer a simple woman over an highly educated/intelligent one for the simple reason that highly educated/intelligent women are too dominant and controlling.

    No real man want a wife/girlfriend that looks down upon him as lesser.In fact main reason why i rejected my woman postgraduate study.This is a big issue in my family right now,i have rejected my brother’s engagement/marriage proposal to his Medical doctor fiance for 3 years now,I have tried to advise him but instead he decided to listen to his fiance.Who is she? A medical doctor “fiance”not a wife yet disobeying my command? I have noticed that my brother is becoming stubborn now because of her.I’m still holding that marriage from happening,that marriage can never hold in my life,over my dead body.Never!!.

    Anyway,the question still remains;Are most men so insecure we live in fear of fellow persons who happen to be educated/intelligent women? NO…believe it or not most men are not attracted to highly educated/intelligent women.Especially Alpha males seek to avoid partners who compete with them intellectually instead they look for someone to bolster their ego rather than destroy it.Human nature is such that men are defensive towards people who threaten them.Even at work men avoid highly educated women if they feel undermined by them or if they threaten their natural order. You can’t have two alpha’s bultling heads,it never works.pairing them exacerbates social inequality, and also trying to pair them is a recipe for failure.Opposites attract,most of the highly educated/intelligent women are attracted to beta males and blue pill men,which they may have to be taken care of.that’s the simple truth.I have seen these beta males who are married to these highly educated women and i have witnessed their condescending treatment from their intellectual wives,being belittled and spoken to like naughty children i squirm for them.

    Yes most men do have problem with dating/marrying an highly intelligent women but why is it that a man who’s allergic to highly intelligent/educated woman is deemed as a weak man?Why? for most men the idea of dating/marrying someone more intelligent/educated than themselves may actually be a turn off.Physical attraction and personality catch most men attention not education.Obviously all men are different and to generalize an entire gender would be wrong but i’m speaking from 80-90% of men out there.

    • Sir

      November 13, 2017 at 8:59 am

      Sir, having read your long epistle, I will summarize it thus…
      Your masculinity is fragile. A woman’s intelligence and accomplishment does not necessarily make her arrogant. Your inferiority complex makes you lash out.

    • Serene

      November 13, 2017 at 1:53 pm

      You appear to be a very insecure man, sir. Work on your self esteem

  7. Chang Lee

    November 12, 2017 at 11:36 pm

    Nkem, I fully agree with you. I was actually researching this topic the other day and there is published research that shows that men like more intelligent (than them) women from afar. Intelligence defined as intellectual (academic/IQ) for @Sammie’s question.
    Women have to ‘dumb’ down for men to not feel intimidated. Men like women smart, as long as you are NOT more intelligent than they percieve themselves to be.

  8. OJ

    November 12, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    I wonder what the men in the lives of Okonjo iweala, ezekwesili, ibukun awosika, dora akunyili, Uju ifejika, mary remmy njoku, aisha alhassan, hajiya bola shagaya, angela merkel (of course, my bae), theresa may, janet yellen, Dilma Rousseff, ohh dem too plenty abeg…should i continue niii, these are highly intelligent and successful women, and guess what? their men loves the intelligence they exhume in character and personality and are not in any way threatened….
    My dear Nkem intelligence is sexy……but an intelligent woman with a bad mouth, bad character, full of arrogance and pride, come be control freak join again…nah nah nah, thats a no go area abeg

    • Wendy

      November 13, 2017 at 12:13 am

      You always look for a way to make it the woman’s fault. Disgusting goat.
      Your obsessive misogyny won’t let you stick to the topic at hand. Any human being can be badly behaved, arrogant, and what not… gender irrespective. The question here only focuses on intelligence in women… but I can see how an unintelligent person like you would easily confuse intelligence with arrogance… but that’s your problem not ours.
      Btw, Angela Merkel will off herself if she found her name in your mouth, much less you calling her bae.

    • Anon

      November 13, 2017 at 12:19 am

      hajiya bola shagaya? Really?

    • Mrs chidukane

      November 13, 2017 at 12:39 am

      Oj in marriage, appearance can be very different from reality. Unless you live with those women, you don’t know what their husbands think about their careers and accomplishments.

    • Observer

      November 13, 2017 at 4:37 am

      Wendy, please do you know OJ personally, did he/she hurt you? You seem to always target his/her comment and rain insults on him/her. Nawa o! This is just my observation o, you may not need it but bear in mind that your hatred for this OJ must have gone beyond BN and it may start affecting you.

    • Chief

      November 13, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      @OJ

      But their husbands are beta males,weak men and simps,.Real alpha men detest the masculine side of the personality of those women you mentioned.Real men are not attracted to masculine qualities in those women.An intelligent/educated woman is harder to control.Real Men are attracted to femininity and respect not attracted to bossy and hypercritical women..Frankly,I see that as nothing more than simply being normal..period!!.Anyway lots of simps and wimps would jump at the chance to be a kept man to career/highly educated women in this economy.As has been said many times,a highly intelligent/ an educated woman ends up with a simp and beta male doormat..

      @Sir.

      please don’t insult me.I think it’s a stretch to call me insecure because i said real men are not threatened by intelligent women..Real men don’y require women to be intelligent.Of course we like and appreciate their intelligence provided you are kind,low drama,respectful and loyal.You could be most intelligent ugly woman on planet and men won’t be clamoring to date you,never mind to marry you.Intelligence is a bonus to men,it’s not a prerequisite.Thanks

    • Ada Jones

      November 13, 2017 at 2:44 pm

      Mary Remmy Njoku shouldn’t be on that list, no disrespect. Besides, her Husband, Jason Njoku, is super, super intelligent….. a refined, polished, brilliant, successful gentleman, and very well spoken. Mary is no match, yet. By the way, are you Mary Remmy ?

  9. OJ

    November 13, 2017 at 1:30 am

    @MRS chi…pls dont even bring up that excuse. Are these women intelligent and highly successful, the answer is YES!!! Take a number of these women and many more out there i didnt mention were already doing well before they met their partners and this still goes to show why an intelligent woman with an approachable personality will not presume to be a threat, her character and works speaks for herself…..take note character, character is key!!

    We dont know everything and we cant know everything, but what i know, have seen and have experienced is that intelligent woman with a good personality are never short good men coming for them…if they decide to settle for assholes na dem sabi!!!

    @Wendy, which one be your own sef….you see when i talk of character character character, you are the perfect example!!!

    • Wendy

      November 13, 2017 at 2:16 am

      Lmao… did I hurt your feelings? I’m not being mean, I’m just straight up telling you about yourself. It’s simple really. But hey! guess what? Being badly behaved is way better than just having double digit IQ (and not knowing it)…. worst still would be you breeding and passing your ignorant genes down to some unfortunate kids. Just look at yourself, your response to a simple comment like Mrs. Chidukane’s is to talk about in circles? Common! From rape, to women’s reproductive rights… now women having a mind of their own… you’ve had no single complex thought on the issues… just same old crap that has been propagated for centuries. Your comments give me a headache. Bih just stop. STOP.

  10. Anonymous

    November 13, 2017 at 1:58 am

    Not to shade anyone, Bola Shagaya, Mary Remmy Njoku in the same class of ” intelligent ” women as Angela Merkel? Please compare apple to apple to illustrate your point. Your list is flawed.

    • Wendy

      November 13, 2017 at 2:33 am

      Exactly, no shade but Mary Remmy was a hustling soap opera actress who married rich and now produces subpar/mediocre movies with her husband’s money. I HATE HATE HATE to downplay her obvious hardwork but intellectual contribution isn’t what she’s exactly known for.
      You can tell that @OJ is so stupid he/she can’t even support his/her “argument” (if we can even call it that) using succinct examples.

    • le

      November 13, 2017 at 6:31 am

      I was going to say sef. lool Mary remmy? lol

    • Ada Jones

      November 13, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      God bless you Sis. I can’t get over the shock. What a comparison ?

  11. Anonymous

    November 13, 2017 at 2:21 am

    Btw, while I applaud you for going to secondary school at 9, it’s not necessarily a mark of some extra intelligence. I did. I graduated from a top College in my teens but you know what, it was because the Nigerian system allowed it. Only the true geniuses here graduate at such ages because in almost all schools you must start first grade at 6. There is no waiver unless you are a true genius that had taken some serious classes and excelled in them, but it was common in Nigeria and was a boasting topic among parents who pushed emotionally immature children through boarding schools and colleges. I don’t consider myself super intelligent for that reason. It’s what you end up doing in life that matters. I actually thought my children were better placed to face life than me. They left for college at 18. Google what is called “Redshirting” among suburban whites and you will understand the fact that it’s not an advantage and is no measure of IQ.

    A lot of parents engage in redshirting which the system is trying to stop. There are good reasons behind that. Graduating at 18 or 19 could turn out at least in this place a disadvantage unless it’s a truly gifted genius. Geniuses are a small % of the population.

    • Mama

      November 13, 2017 at 6:50 am

      I couldn’t agree more with your comment. But Nigerian parents will never listen because you’re trying to take away their bragging rights. I was surprised to find that there are many students as young as 14 years in Nigerian universities (especially the private universities). Then you wonder at what age they started elementary school and completed 6 years of high school. Where exactly parents are rushing their children to, i really don’t know.

  12. Of Mice and Men

    November 13, 2017 at 3:23 am

    “And while most intelligent women aren’t pretentious or egotistical about it, MANY TIMES men assume they are”….

    What data is there to back up this assertion, and the rest you made in the article?

    Using a random survey of three male friends is so small a sample size to back up your assertion. I guess such outrageous claims you made would have been better argued if you had taken a little time to provide links to studies with empirical evidence that have been carried out on the subject.
    ?

  13. john

    November 13, 2017 at 6:22 am

    when I say I regard majority of Nigerian women as fish brains ?..they say I am sexist…Nkem, for your mind now, ure so intelligent and so wise that males are threatened and the reason ure still single…delusions at its highest…anyway , whatever makes u sleep well at night

    • Loki

      November 13, 2017 at 6:44 am

      Oh hi John. Didn’t see you there. Did you sleep Well?

  14. Loki

    November 13, 2017 at 6:34 am

    Oooooh the men aren’t gonna be very happy about this. I assume John is somewhere clutching his chest and sharpening his machete. He’ll be here soon.
    This article is right is many ways but in my experience, there is an underlying factor that decides the way it goes- security. In my experience, guys who are in fact intelligent (and not just saying so out of some delusion of grandeur) actually like intelligent women. The reason is simple. Truly intelligent people have an almost uncontrollable need to fraternise with people like themselves. It’s stimulating and more fun than a barrel full of monkeys. Any guy who says he’s intelligent and dislikes intelligent women is seriously deceiving himself. If he was intelligent, he’d know that there are genetic determinants for intelligence. Why would you want to procreate with someone who would put your kids at risk of stupidity? Doesn’t sound like a smart decision to me. Kids need to do homework and lesson teachers are expensive these days abeg. So let’s not generalise. Many intelligent men actually need someone they can talk to without having to enter into an argument about the “flatness” of the earth…
    That being said, if you are an exceptionally intelligent woman, just accept the fact that you have a much higher chance of dying single unless you dumb down yourself. Life isn’t a very fair.

    • Hope

      November 13, 2017 at 10:57 am

      Your first paragraph adequately describes my husband. A “smarty” he is and is attracted to intelligent, smart and ambitious women. This was his first attraction to me. I like smart men too, I’ve never been one that weighed men on physical attributes. So the feeling was mutual for us when we came across each other. Rest they say is history ?

  15. Loki

    November 13, 2017 at 6:46 am

    Oh hi John. Didn’t see you there. Did you sleep Well?

  16. Victor Adegoke

    November 13, 2017 at 7:38 am

    Intelligent women are cute, it is good to be knowledgeable and proffer your opinion in a relationship, but you must be respectful about it and encourage ur Man to make the decisions, you be suprised if you do that, he agrees with you on some issues.

    • Tolu

      November 13, 2017 at 11:03 am

      So ultimately, women still have to pander to men’s egos??

  17. Anonymous

    November 13, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Nkem, it baffles me how you draw conclusions. How you project uninformed personal opinions as though they are undisputed mathematical results. At the time of typing my comment only Loki admitted that intelligent men desire intelligent woman, even though I disagree with her on her last paragraph.
    I’m surprised that Nkem and most girls who dropped comments under this post have not met men who love them especially because they are intelligent. Without much research we all know that most of the intelligent and successful women in the world are not single. They are married, to men. As a man, I can’t claim I’m so intelligent but Heaven knows I will never have a proper relationship with any girl who’s dumb or unwilling to improve.
    The so-called intelligent girls who are single don’t necessarily intimidate men. Some of them are not as intelligent as they think. Sometimes, if you have difficulty managing a relationship then you’re probably unintelligent. Chimamanda, with all her seemingly anti-men positions, is married to a man.
    If you can’t make an argument without filling it with lots of insults or unnecessary personal attacks, you’re probably not as intelligent as you think you are, @Wendy above is a good example. A man can end a relationship on that ground alone. But the lady goes out and tells whoever cares that the man left her because he couldn’t stand her intelligence. Lie!
    Nkem, if indeed your three male friends actually agreed that intelligent women intimidate men and gave reasons why it is so, then you need to try some other male friends.

  18. AceOfSpades

    November 13, 2017 at 8:32 am

    Look it’s not about men versus women Nkem. Generally people feel threatened when they find someone else more intelligent and also successful than they are. It’s just how most people are wether male or female and the successful women even like to press it on the men just so they can show their superiority (like who doesn’t use the power that comes with their superiority)

    Look at all the comments about Toke Makinwa on BN, are those male commenters? Toke Makinwa is intelligent wether you accept or not because so many people are prostituting but they aren’t where she is. Linda Ikeji is intelligent. Folorunsho is intelligent and Dora and all of them like that. Do you think if Grace didn’t meet their intelligence, they’d have been so successful? So many people have seen same grace as these women but no intelligence and they ruined the chance to become successful so don’t preach that Oil Bloc was given to somebody blah blah…

    This women that you say men are threatened by, I’m sure they have many many more women who are threatened by them plus some of them have attitude. A Real Nigerian (BN commenter) is intelligent, one can tell but look at how she is using her intelligence. If she were more successful than a male partner or something with all she spews, won’t it be threatening considering all the BS she spits.

  19. Dr.N

    November 13, 2017 at 8:47 am

    I had this opinion for years before it struck me that what I had was a victim’s mentality. #womannotvictim
    Let me explain. Mena and women are different but we have many similarities
    If i met a lady and wanted her to be my friend would I 1. Push my intelligence in her face? 2. Raise my voice over hers? 3. Disrespect her publicly? 4. Argue about things I could have overlooked? 5. Made her feel small for any accomplishments I have but she doesn’t have?
    I doubt any friendship would survive all that. The same consideration we give our girlfriends should be given to men.
    Intelligence also comes with etiquette, courtesy, kindness and patience. These may be what our intelligent young ladies need to add to their already high IQ. It’s simply referred to as EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
    When I was a teen I was watching “The Bachelor” (a show I think is chauvinist btw) and this lady was trying to convince the bachelor to choose her over 20 or more beautiful women
    She said “You know I am 35 and at this age my ovaries are crying, my eggs are diminishing in quality and we are both doctors. Choose me cause we understand each other ” (paraphrased)
    The guy took to his heels. She confronted him after the rose ceremony …talmabout…”you were intimidated by me. Strong women intimidate!”
    Lol
    Strong women do not intimidate. They use their strength to lift others up

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      November 13, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      ….if my keyboard could give me the tools to make googly eyes, I would. Hello boo….. and thank you.

      Grace is a feature that I’ve come to appreciate more and much more, the older I’ve gotten and let me tell you something, ladies – there is nothing so attractive as intelligence coupled with gracefulness. Oh my. It will take you farther than just your smarts. Before the preceding statement gets completely stretched out of context, please note that gracefulness is not a used here as a synonym for weakness. Very much to the contrary.

      Also, do realise that I’m not just speaking about that feature in terms of marriage but also as being essential for the other important heights you may desire to reach.

      Plus….. book-based intelligence is one thing. When I was growing up, there was something else which my mother used to allude a lot to called “village sense”. Yes, her daughters were book smart but we lacked a lot of emotional awareness needed to read certain situations (maybe we were a little sheltered) and as the correct Mbaise woman she is, she would be so frustrated, asking us to always try and apply “village sense” to certain situations.

      Ladies, intelligence doesn’t only amount to your intellectual know-how (i.e. your IQ). EQ (your emotional quotient) is key and in fact, more primary than the former.

    • Ada Jones

      November 13, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      I love you Dr.N. I wish we could be Friends. Brilliant comment….. Super super brilliant.

  20. Deleke

    November 13, 2017 at 9:17 am

    My wife is very intelligent!! Does it bother me or threaten my masculinity? Hell NO. She has her strengths, I have mine. We compliment each other. Funny when she asks me to read her reports she is sending to her bosses, I always have headache cos by the time she quotes IAS 31 and IFRS 23 abi something sha, I just say ‘Ko ye mi’ (I don’t understand). Very proud of her sha. She has used her God given talents to very good use.

    • larz

      November 13, 2017 at 9:55 am

      I know a middle aged Adeleke that is married to an accountant. If you are him, then best know that you and your wife are one of my favourite couples that I look up to. strong partnership in every way, shape and form. You inspired me not to settle for less than a man that appreciate me and that I respect.

      I agree with Dr N. Marriage and partnership has nothing to do with IQ or book smart but about supporting each other individually and collectively as a unit. I have met women that disrespected me (because I am usually very understated) until they found out that I am a “successful” professional like them. In fact, the wisest (wo)men approach marriage with a blank slate; leave everything they think they know at the door and start afresh. Try to learn the best dynamic to make their marriage work and run with it. And they never stop evolving with their partners. Lets please stop the victim cultures. There are princes and frogs everywhere. Keep it moving until you find your prince. He is there somewhere. If you keep generalising, you wont find your prince.

    • Deleke

      November 13, 2017 at 10:26 am

      @Larz, I wish I was middle aged lol. Good to know there are positive role models out there. I have only been married 5 years

    • Biker Chic

      November 13, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      lol @’ko ye mi sha’

    • PurpleSapio

      November 14, 2017 at 10:54 am

      You are one of the good ones. Looking forward to that kind of vibe (y)

  21. Robin Hood

    November 13, 2017 at 9:24 am

    i don’t know the kind of men some of you girls/women have been dating?

  22. ejogene

    November 13, 2017 at 9:53 am

    Thank you Dr. N. you just said it all “Intelligence also comes with etiquette, courtesy, kindness and patience. These may be what our intelligent young ladies need to add to their already high IQ. It’s simply referred to as EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”.

  23. Ephi

    November 13, 2017 at 10:19 am

    All I can say is I wonder what articles Nkem will write WHEN she does get married. BN readers, get ready, haha!
    Not everything has to be fight when it comes to gender, we are different and should respect those differences. Dr N above has said it all.

  24. Nnamdi

    November 13, 2017 at 11:18 am

    I strongly stand to differ on your subject matter. It only takes a dunce in a man to be intimidated by the presence of an intelligent woman. He will always look for his like to be able to flow.

    I personally will not tolerate a dummy in a woman unto marriage relationship. She will really fall my hands. She’ll be going left when I am going right. She may end up as an ‘o yes member’ in serious conversations and decision making meetings. She’ll not have much to contribute. It will be sweeter to deal with one that’s on the same page or even smarter.

    Let me believe that you are not in anywhere mistaking an arrogant, unsubmissive, and cocky woman for an intelligent woman. Also, in spite of the level of a woman’s intelligence, she can as well bias it with an air of pomposity and unsubmissiveness. If only these character traits can be isolated and handled individually. Then it will make sense what actually one is for or against in an intelligent woman per.

  25. LemmeRant

    November 13, 2017 at 11:37 am

    @Anonymous

    They haven’t met men who think they’re intelligent because they’re not intelligent. Simple.
    Every woman likes to claim intelligent, just like they like to claim beauty. Even the fat woman will deceive herself and say she’s curvy.

    You keep dropping juvenile illogical articles every week and yet you still anoint yourself as intelligent. Where did the intelligence fly from? Because you started secondary school at 9

    With all your intelligence, all you talk about her men, more men and more men and of course your imaginary friends.

    When you start having difficulties attracting men (possibly cause of your attitude, you’ll start consoling yourself that you’re too intelligent)

    Now, just so you know: being book smart doesn’t mean sh*t.
    Book smart people still make very stupid decisions, so yeah I don’t really care for booksmart people who believe the world revolves around them cuz they have a PhD.

    But a wise woman… Now even the bible recommends that.

    • Ephi

      November 13, 2017 at 12:17 pm

      ****With all your intelligence, all you talk about her men, more men and more men and of course your imaginary friends. ****

      Lol! Maybe, she is “man-intelligent” you never could tell.
      Tbh, I think Nkem simply writes articles to rile people up. Take her seriously at your own peril. Miss the good ole days of Isio, Atoke,etc on BN. Oh well. It is what it is.

    • john

      November 13, 2017 at 2:02 pm

      Choi!!!
      …How I wish BN will start to accept meme..I would have loved to post one on this ur comment

    • Loki

      November 13, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      Hey!!!! I take exception to your first paragraph. I’m curvy! Abi have you ever seen a circle that that doesn’t “curve” round?! Let me tell you round is a shape. My geometry teacher taught me so!

    • Biker Chic

      November 13, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      Stop it. Isio and Atoke’s days are gone at least for now. Argue this topic or get it moving. Stop behaving like a 80 year old who is averse to change.

    • Ephi

      November 13, 2017 at 3:44 pm

      And maybe you should stop acting like a 90 year old who is inclined to poke nose everywhere ?

  26. Mz_Danielz

    November 13, 2017 at 11:41 am

    Intelligence is the ability to solve your challenges and navigate life’s murky waters. If you have challenges in relationships, it’s not because you are intelligent but actually because while you may be intelligent in other areas, you are highly unintelligent in the area of relationships.

    There’s something called the intelligence trap and it stunts people not just in relationships but career wise. We all know that one performer that gets denied promotions for lack of people skills.
    If life keeps bringing you the same challenges, there is something you don’t know. Calm down and learn it. Holding on to a school of thought like men are intimidated by intelligent women is the lazy way out.?

  27. Sammie

    November 13, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    By Intelligent, do you mean ability to cause drama, scheme and manipulate?

    How many of the World’s women are in STEM fields? How many Nigerian female leaders in recent times have made considerable impact in our society(Apart from the late Dora Akinyuli) what do Patricia Etteh, Dieziani etc have in common?Senate Nko? How many bills have they raised or passed?

    Women in Nigeria are good at Window dressing at best! Keep deceiving your selves! Stay on your lane!

    • Stem woman here

      November 25, 2017 at 10:07 am

      I work in the STEM field

  28. Ada Jones

    November 13, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Upon the long Epistle, you got only Five (5) likes. Lol. You reek of low self-esteem, infact you breathe it. You are pathetic Bro, and silly. Thank God I don’t know you personally. Your kind is unhealthy and toxic.

  29. MP3

    November 13, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    As a sapisexual, I believe I deserve one too. I believe I’m single because I’m yet to meet a special woman with mutual interests who will arouse my intellect as well as my loins. Most guys I know want the same. Well, Babe, finding you is like a mirage. It’s taking too long 🙂

  30. Officialranter1

    November 13, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    I couldn’t even get past the title. In this era of sapiosexuals, someone still thinks men are intimidated by ‘intelligent women”??? what kind of men do you meet, miss? Neanderthals. The belief that men are intimidated by intelligent women fits nicely into the theory of misandry and radical feminism. Maybe the article should have been titled..”why are some men intimidated by intelligent women?”.

  31. Engoz

    November 13, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Nigerian men are goats o, but I don’t think an intelligent Nigerian man is intimidated by intelligent women. What intimidates the weak men in our society is someone having more money than them. This insecurity is heightened when the person’s female though because they cannot use money to toast. She already has it, so keep quiet. He would need to come correct in other areas like character and behavior. Since expecting the Nigerian man to have the character of Jesus Christ is a futile exercise, he’ll begin to have bad belle for the woman. Nigeria is a materialistic and vain society. So money is what intimidates them. Note also that Intelligence is not a prerequisite to being successful or rich at least in Nigeria. Just be a politician and steal voila! Or have your thieving Dad leave you some wealth. Or some government gifts you an oil well. So being successful does not equal having high intelligence.

    I mean why won’t a sensible guy want an intelligent woman to marry? There must be something else and sorry to say it’s not intelligence. Intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. I think there are 7 or 8 types of intelligence. You might be good with your books, but lack other types of intelligence.

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