Amaka Obi: Not Every Problem is Spiritual! Sometimes You Just Need Counselling

Becky (not real name) will be 38 in June. She is your regular Lagos girl with a good job, a good car and a great circle of friends. She is the life of the party wherever she goes, bringing sunshine into every room – no matter how bleak.
But Becky is well known for one not-so-great thing – her inexplicable and very sudden mood swings.
One minute she is laughing, cracking jokes and having a great time with friends, and then, BAM sudden silence. She becomes so moody, so downcast, and so forlorn looking that everyone around becomes very uncomfortable, and that’s usually the end of that gathering.

Becky herself can’t say why she falls into this mood at these times. She knows when it is starting, she feels it coming, but she is powerless to stop it.

Becky isn’t married; not for lack of suitors. She has had many great relationships, but once it starts getting serious or getting physical, she clams up so badly and gets so irritated. She finds a way to mess up the relationship.

This happens every single time!

Her ex-boyfriends attest to the fact that she is a great girl – loving, caring, kind. However, all of them say one thing “Something is wrong with her. She acts possessed sometimes. I can’t figure her out”

Becky has heard “you are possessed” from so many people, she has actually started believing it. She has gone for deliverance sessions in a number of churches, yet nothing changes.

She has even been told by several pastors that she has a spirit husband who is very jealous and who doesn’t want her getting too involved with any man. That, that is why he causes her to destroy her great relationships, especially when it starts getting physical.

Becky is distraught because she really wants to get married. She has always dreamt of having a family – a loving husband and 2 children.

At almost 38, that dream is fast fading away. She is getting desperate. Then one day on Instagram, one of the people she follows put out a post about “breaking away from your past that is causing you to self-sabotage”. Becky knows for a fact that she has been on a self-sabotaging spree for most of her adult life but she has no idea why. She can’t recall anything from her past that would’ve caused this. But she decided to just go see what this person means.

She booked the session with the person on Instagram (who turned out to be a licensed psychotherapist).
The 1st session went almost without event (in Becky’s mind) hence her surprise when the therapist asked her to come again, free of charge for a 2nd session. She couldn’t understand why.

She went anyway. This 2nd session was more eventful. The therapist had asked her lots of questions during the 1st session and had noticed a pattern. He suspected something which he needed to investigate further, hence the 2nd session. During this session, he took her on a mind journey down memory lane, he kept asking questions and walking her back, until suddenly, Becky burst into tears.

A memory came flooding back to her. A memory she had repressed all these years. She remembered it as clear as day.
Becky, at 9 years old was raped by her 16 year old cousin. This guy was her closest cousin. He was closer to her than even her own brothers. He took her along everywhere and fought her battles for her. So, she couldn’t understand why he would hurt her. She told no one and after a while, she forgot. Almost as if it never happened. She completely buried it in her mind.

But she didn’t REALLY forget. Her body remembered. This was why she always got moody whenever she was in a gathering and someone or something reminded her of that event. That’s why she broke off every relationship that came too close. That’s why she couldn’t bring herself to get physical with anyone.

She cried and cried and cried. The session had to end there.

Now, Becky knows the root of her problem and she is determined to face it and deal with it. She wants to go on to have the life she truly desires. And she will! Because she doesn’t have a spirit husband. No, she does not. She only has unresolved issues from her past, haunting her present and threatening to swallow her future.

Not every problem is spiritual. Talking to a professional counselor and/or therapist can help open your eyes more.
As we pray to God and seek His face concerning our challenges, let us also seek the face of trained professionals to help us navigate these challenges.

Always remember, there is a professional for every of life’s challenge – psychological, physical health, marital issues, behavioral anomalies, relational issues, parenting challenges etc.

Let’s use these professionals more often. Seeing a counsellor does not mean you’re weak; it simply means you’re smart enough to recognize the issue and sensible enough to want to fix it. You don’t need to wait for that crushing issue before you talk to one too.

Let’s start on a journey to breaking the stigma attached to seeking professional help when we need it so we can raise a nation of all round well citizens. If you have any issues you’d like to me, reach out to me via my details below and I’d be happy to talk to you.

Photo Credit: © Andrii Kobryn | Dreamstime.com