I have never really been the person who takes time to enjoy her successes. I see a challenge, I deliberate on how best to solve it and when it is solved, I only take a second to heave a sigh of relief and bam! I’m on to the next.
Permit me to say that perhaps it was because I grew up thinking that there was no time to waste, thinking of one’s accomplishments. ‘Do what you can and move on to the next’ was my mantra.
2017 was a first for me in many ways. I tried my hands at so many new things, it was overwhelming. Some, I succeeded at, and others, I admitted defeat; but guess what? I never for once thought I was fulfilled in any way. I kept digging at myself, pushing and pushing.
At the beginning of 2018, I made a vow that I was going to enjoy my life and whatever little successes that came with it. I was not going to let anything steal my joy. Easy to say at that time, I think.
Just 3 months into 2018, I have grown in more ways than I thought possible. Some big, some small but worthy of being talked about. I’ve been taken through a process. I have learnt, unlearned, let go of toxic people/things and so much more. But the same thing happened all over, I never took time to appreciate God, life and me. I was too in a hurry.
Then, a few days ago, my aunt who surprisingly I had never met (story for another day) flew into Nigeria, and of course, I went visiting. She took one look at me, hugged me, gave me a few kisses and we got talking.
‘So, Ayo, what do you do? What do you love? Where do you live? Is there a man somewhere?’ She shot questions at me.
Full of respect and not rushing my words, I answered her questions one after the other and as I did, I saw a look of admiration seep into her eyes and little by little, her lips spread into a smile which kept getting wider.
‘Really? You do all these? You are this?’ She asked some more questions and I replied, this time with a little smile too.
I happened to glance at my mother and saw that she was also smiling, nodding her head and telling her sister how good I am with what I do and my life.
After a while, I slipped away from the company of others and found a quiet spot. It occurred to me that perhaps I was the only one who failed to see that I wasn’t doing so bad. I was the only one not breaking into a smile anytime I thought of my life. I was the only one incessantly worrying of the future, of tomorrow, of how to be better. I was the only one who really didn’t see that I had done anything to be proud of.
I remembered the words of friends and my sibling as they told me they are proud of me and the thoughts that crossed my head as I wondered what exactly they were proud of.
But never again!
You are doing good. You can tell yourself well-done. You can appreciate yourself because you deserve it and about the other things that you want, keep working as hard as you do and it will all fall into place. Ayo, be proud of you.
Are you like me – Ohh, sorry. (Are you like I ‘used’ to be?) Please change that mindset. Cut yourself some slack, smile and take time to enjoy life.
Dear queen, you are enough!
Photo Credit: © Svetlana Mandrikova | Dreamstime