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OluTimehin Adegbeye: Falz’s Hatred of “Transactional Sex” Is Entry-level Misogyny

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In case you missed it, a certain bespectacled rapper has been trending on social media lately, partly because he released an album, but also because he felt compelled to reveal, in an utterly unprecedented move, that he ‘detests transactional sex’.

Multi-talented, and born into enough privilege to build an entire career off of mimicking the English-speaking accents of Yoruba people with low-quality formal education, Falz the Bahd Guy has a lot going for him. He has a distinctive sound and lots of originality (except for that one Childish Gambino ‘cover’, but that’s a conversation for another day); a sense of adventure; a remarkable ability to appeal to various demographics across age, language and class differences; and, apparently, a huge problem with women doing things he doesn’t approve of.

I’m not a big fan of pop music and don’t seek it out, but I know some of Falz’ work because it’s simply everywhere. His success and work ethic are undeniable—and so is his misogyny. Now, his fans on social media have mentioned that he actually loves women (whatever that means), so it is important to note that contrary to what many people believe, misogyny has little to do with hating women. Rather, it is about closely regulating women’s behavior through fear, shame and abuse, in order to prevent them from challenging male dominance. Like Cornell Professor Kate Manne says, “most misogynistic behavior is about hostility towards women who violate patriarchal norms and expectations, who aren’t serving male interests in the ways they’re expected to.”

Falz, with some of his music, has made it his business to address issues that negatively impact all Nigerians, like violent crime, insecurity, and the corruption of the political elite. But, I wonder, why does he feel the need to comment so often and so vehemently on, of all things, the private sexual activity of consenting adult women? To hear him tell it, it is simply because he is a vanguard of a forgotten morality; the beacon at the top of a dangerously eroded hill; the gleaming North star guiding wayward Nigerians home. Yet, far from being the North star—which we experience as fixed and unwavering—Folarin Falana is a pendulum, swinging predictably back and forth depending on how long it’s been since he last said something gratuitously derogatory about women who have explicitly transactional sex. Today, he raps on a song called Sugar Daddy and casts himself as a lead character; tomorrow he derides sugar babies. The day after, he puts out a song that defines the value of men in heterosexual relationships by their willingness to deplete their bank balances for women, then on Sunday he vilifies women who choose male romantic partners based on their wealth and generosity.

Why so much waffling, bro?

The thing with men like Falz, in a society like Nigeria, who go out of their way to decry sexual relationships that hinge on explicit exchanges, is that they think they’re being useful—possibly even original. But their shallow understanding of economics, capitalism, labor and the politics of gender makes itself evident every time they open their mouths. It is impossible to sincerely engage Falz’ claim of an ‘epidemic’ of transactional sex without discussing our social context and the inequalities it produces, and his  denouncement of runs girls’ ‘self-objectification’ stops far short of any kind of meaningful analysis of the forces that produce and sustain either women’s dehumanization in general, or the sex industry in particular.

Sex work is work. By definition, labor is the production of goods and services that have exchange value, and sex work puts a material value on consensual sexual interactions in much the same way as consulting puts a material value on knowledge or professional sports put a material value on athleticism. Moreover, within patriarchal capitalism, women’s labour is systemically under- or de-valued in favour of men, whether that labor takes place in the private sphere (cooking, cleaning, schedule management, etc., all of which are feminized economic activities that people get paid for outside the home), or in the public sphere, where women are routinely paid less than men for equivalent or even harder work. Also, capitalism tends to disproportionately drive wealth towards the owner of the means of production, regardless of how ‘hard’ the person works—see, for example, every mega-rich person in the world.

As a result of all this, voluntary sex work (thanks to the radical ownership of the body that it entails) can be one of the most lucrative kinds of labor available to women, especially when their femaleness is combined with other kinds of patriarchally-defined privileges like conventional attractiveness. Survival sex work/transactional sex is also one of the few routes to economic compensation that is available to women who are routinely discriminated against and excluded from the formal labor market, such as poor, un- or under-educated, queer, or trans women.

In a heteronormative society like Nigeria, we are socialized into believing that men—regardless of their age, class, marital or other status—are interested in and entitled to sex with any and all women. However, women are supposed to have no independent sexual desires and are expected to spend their lives either abstaining, or as passive receptacles for their eventual husbands’ sexual impulses. This creates an automatic imbalance that makes heterosexual sex an unprofitable activity for women, even married ones, since men have no incentive to be good or loyal sexual partners, while women have no non-material incentive to be any man’s sexual partner, as they are believed to lose social and sexual value every time they experience sexual contact with men, willingly or not.

Further, patriarchy generally socializes men out of their ability to feel or express affection, care, vulnerability, compassion, tenderness and other emotions which make romantic interactions worthwhile, such that women who partner with men often end up in emotionally inadequate or even empty relationships. Add to this the fact that patriarchal societies equate men’s value to their economic power and women’s value to their sexual purity, then layer on our cultural inability to see women as full human beings until they marry and marry ‘well’ (i.e. ‘marry a rich man’). The end result of this dysfunctional framework is that heterosexual sex becomes a bargaining chip, a tool of exchange, and most crucially, a site of absolute dominance for men. And men love it. Many men, innately understanding the nature and consequences of this sexual inequality, leverage it as a weapon to manipulate, control, terrorize and exploit women, whether for grades, jobs, housing, or any other resources the patriarchy gives them control over.

The structural imbalance of sexual power and agency inherent in male-female sexual relations results in all heterosexual sex being transactional, with women generally foregoing their own pleasure to exchange sex for male approval, the possibility of life-long companionship, or even safety from emotional or physical violence. Within marriage, as it is constructed in our post-colonial culture, women exchange their sexual and reproductive capital for the social, economic and other benefits afforded them by the status of being wedded to a man. Even the various historical meanings of the ‘bride price’ have been flattened by colonial notions of monogamous marriage as the only legitimate avenue for sex between men and women. The payment of a bride price is therefore now understood as the completion of a purchase contract. As such, it is often used to justify marital rape, with many men invoking the bride price as an economic guarantee of sexual consent that is valid in perpetuity, regardless of the bride-cum-wife’s desires or feelings on the matter.

So, within patriarchy, men are always having transactional sex, and they are fine with it as long as they are the ones setting the terms of the transaction. Even Falz, at least going by his own music, is no exception to this. His intellectual dishonesty is glaring, as he himself regularly plays into transactional tropes in his songs, often trying to convince the anonymous, presumably female love interest, to enter into a relationship with him on the basis of his ability to fund her lifestyle, give her money, and generally improve her economic and social status. Falz’ claim to detest transactional sex, expressed by his repeated and almost exclusive denouncement of ‘runs girls’, is therefore exposed as entry-level benevolent misogyny; the low-hanging fruit of Nice Guy paternalism that decides that men can and should have a say over the kinds of choices that women make, especially when those choices deviate from patriarchal norms.

It is rather telling that, rather than grappling with the harassment, assault and violence that capitalist patriarchy and sexual inequality force women to navigate in their daily lives, Falz chooses to castigate the women who manage to outwit a sexual system designed to devalue and exploit them. But this is because people like him, regardless of how they treat their sisters, daughters, mothers, and other women they deem ‘respectable’, remain invested in a patriarchal order that is maintained by women’s suffering. Whorephobic, classist people like Falz claim to hate transactional sex, yet will generally make exceptions for female survival sex workers because, despite their deviation from the norms of sexual propriety, these women’s labor is still being exploited. They’re still poor and female in capitalist patriarchy, i.e. relatively powerless, which makes their sexual practices less of a threat, and thus comparatively acceptable. But ‘runs girls’—women who drive nice cars and who walk past Falz in the business class lounge with their sponsors—are unacceptable because they dare to beat capitalist patriarchy at its own game, via the bodies that they have been taught belong, not to them, but to any and all men.

Runs girls’ blatant exertion of sexual power and agency in a world that insists women should have neither, and their resulting ability to bypass the subjugation that is supposed to be women’s lot in life, is an endless source of bitterness for men who want to control and shame them, as well as for women who rely on the idea of (relative) sexual purity to define their own value. The obvious but mostly unspoken truth is that what people like Falz resent is women’s audacity to determine the terms of engagement in transactional sexual situations that are designed to exclusively benefit men. After all, the Nigerian public, who are loudly broadcasting their agreement with Falz’ position on the evil of runs girls and transactional sex, are the same ones who lauded the patriarchal display of male economic power as a reward for female romantic and sexual submission, in the incident we all remember as ‘Assurance’.

Unfortunately, far too few Nigerians are able or willing to develop either critical thinking skills or a thorough understanding of structural forces and how they reinforce one another to produce behavioral patterns, particularly the behavioral patterns of marginalized groups. Nor can they be blamed; this problem is due in large part to the State’s refusal to improve the abysmal quality of education available to the majority (which I hope Falz denounces on his latest album, now that he no longer needs to mimic poorly-educated people to be relevant). But if we were honest, we would admit that our casual denigration of sex workers simultaneously stems from and sustains our collective misogyny, since ‘runs girls’ exist at the nexus of femaleness and sexual agency which Nigerians believe is the junction of the road to hell. Newsflash: Buhari is our President. We’re already in hell.

To Yoruba demons—er, I mean Nigerian men—like Falz, who cut their teeth on the idea that women are ultimately subordinate to them, the notion of sexual and bodily autonomy for all people–regardless of gender or sexual practices–has little or no resonance. And why would it? Nigeria is a country that prides itself on the legislation of consensual sexual activity, having criminalized sex work and homosexual sex. Yet, we continue to lack either the legal framework or the political will to criminalize sexual violence committed by men against the women who marry them, or even to protect children from the lecherous desires of entitled perverts. Our national priorities, like those of Falz the Bahd Guy, are painfully obvious.

In the final analysis, Falz, for all his ostensible intellectualism, is just another predictable product of a patriarchal nation. He only passes as a progressive thinker thanks to his prestigious education, pedigree, and ability to make people laugh—especially by punching down at groups with less social power than he. But Nigerians deserve better than the tired posturing of self-styled intellectuals with loud opinions on subjects they know little about and do not care to educate themselves on. If Falz really feels so strongly about the objectification and dehumanization of women that he’s willing to spend his entire career addressing it, then he would do well to read, listen to and learn from “the feminists in the building”, and most crucially, keep his underdeveloped analyses of grown women’s choices to himself.

OluTimehin Adegbeye is a writer, speaker, and advocate whose work focuses on human rights, inclusion and justice in the areas of Gender, Sexualities, and Urbanisation.She has worked with a wide range of political, cultural, civil society and corporate organisations, and has been invited to speak at events in a dozen countries across four continents. Her writing, which is available digitally and in print, has been translated into multiple languages.OluTimehin’s TED Talk "Who Belongs in a City?", viewed over 2 million times so far, was chosen by TED as one of the best ten talks of 2017. She is a current Women Deliver Young Leader.

65 Comments

  1. Ada Ada

    January 17, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    Loool Falz just got served on this one. While I personally don’t agree with all the writer said, I must commend this article for its witty delivery and how the writer pointed out the hypocrisy of Falz. If Falz wants to criticise anything he should be consistent all the way through in all his songs. Even I dare say in his personal life. Not that I know his personal life but most of these celebrities pander to these “runs girls” and then go out to criticise them and form holier than thou.
    But wow what an article ….

  2. Jummy

    January 17, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    First of all, taking social media too seriously is doing so to your own peril. 99.9 percent of people on there (both men and women) show only the best versions of themselves. So it’s a well curated portfolio of the finest versions of themselves.

    One of these “new-age” Nigerian comedians who’s always spewing pro-feminsit baloney on Twitter is one of em. I happen to be acquaintances with him and reached out to him during the holidays to say hi via WhatsApp as I hadn’t spoken to him in a very long time. After exchanging pleasantries, the next thing I read was “Is your ass still as fat as I remember it?”
    LOL. Like I said, it will do you a lot of good to not take social media too seriously.

    To your essay, there are so many things wrong with it that I don’t even know where to begin.

    You think Falz’s upscale upbringing was the primary determinant of his success? Are you kidding me? What about Bisola the ex-BBA contestant? Lasisi Elenu? Emmanuella from Mark Angel comdey? Ebiye, and a host of others who have made their fame by doong these accents? Are you going to blame their “privileged” upbringing, or are you just looking for something to be angry about?

    You say misogny has little to nothing about hating women, but that’s exactly its dictionary definition so I don’t understand where you’re going.

    I have a lot to say but I’ll just summarize it like this: All this article does is paint Nigerian women as perpetual victims who are unavoidably at the mercy of men, and this is largely false even in a country like Nigeria except you’re in like Saudi-Arabia or something.

    You started off with wanting to tell us why Falz is a hypocrite and a misogynist but then ventured off on a tangent into the deep end, talking about a lot of things that had nothing to do with the article at all. Made it all the more confusing to read.

    All these buzzwords like “whorephobic” and “classist” are just far left gobleddyglook that attempt to say something but say nothing at all.

    P.S: Liki Cisi Eze, you seem to think that others who may disagree with you are intellectually inferior to you with phrases like “develop either critical thinking skills” You REALLY need to get off your intellectual high horse.

    Like I said, you said a lot of things but nothing at all.

    3
    • Nana

      January 17, 2019 at 8:28 pm

      No, Jummy. It is you who said a lot of things but said nothing at all.

    • Baba

      January 18, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      Jummy made valid points. You may need to reread her comment.

    • Seriously

      January 17, 2019 at 9:37 pm

      @jummy
      I’m glad, someone is still able to use sense, not swayed by rant. This article is a waste. I wished, she gave clear logical points to her opinion. The author is guilty of what she accused Falz and many Nigerians of.
      What is the correlation between hating transactional sex and being a misygonist? Absolutely nothing. I also hate transactional sex, does that make me anti feminist? Do I understand why there’s a market for such? Do I understand women or men who choose such lifestyles? I understand all of it but I can still have an opinion. The societal popularity, and accepting of a particular issue doesn’t make it justifiable.
      Can we have opinion anymore in the name of being progressive, evolved and westernized?
      The author is limited in her thinking. It’s possible to have strong opinion on something but still do it or tolerate because it’s more complex sometimes or have unpopular vocal opinion. A lot of Americans vocalize their dislike for Trump despite knowing the reality of things, he’s the president.
      I’m team Falz for being vocal about issues Nigerians shy away from. Keep using your voice whether I agree with it or not.

      Transactional sex has been normalized in our society. It’s a give and take, supply and demand. Women branded themselves as the product and men branded themselves as the service. It’s highly dysfunctional, that’s all I will say.

      1
    • Escapee

      January 17, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      Thank you for aptly expressing the opinion and grammar I had difficulty composing in response to the article.

    • jay

      January 18, 2019 at 9:23 am

      ummm jummy please shut up cos you sound dumb.

    • Baba

      January 18, 2019 at 2:08 pm

      Jummy has given us a new perspective to the article. She gave us points to ponder. Telling Jummy to shut up has added nothing to the discussion. Give us your own points.

    • Nerdy

      January 18, 2019 at 12:49 pm

      I love this! We tend to forget that every problem Falz highlighted in his song is problem spots- spots that have for decades been recognized by the UN as areas with the worst indices of/for development. There is more to #talk that meets the “ears” yet we as a people choose to find faults in some other individual’s personal opinions!

  3. abi

    January 17, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    Excellent!!!! Any moralistic pov should be called what it is. This policing of women’s rights and decisions about our bodies and what, who and how we use them is oh so misogynistic in the worst sense because it shrouds itself in cloaks of decency when in fact its just another ploy to subjugate the female.
    The older I’ve become the clearer these antics have become. I’ve learnt to remove so many deeply placed pressures from my womanhood.

    • Seriously

      January 20, 2019 at 4:14 pm

      It’s not always policing. So, when women have their opinions about how men should behave and disagree with their acts, what is that called?let’s learn to be balanced, fair and not lump everything together.
      Women are the worst police, critics towards one another. Women judge harshly than men. Women have a say in what they do with their bodies, that “say” is what allows men to participate in transactional sex. The politics of women’s rights on a larger scale is a different ball game from transactional sex.

      There’s nothing normal with women giving their bodies in exchange for material things neither is it okay for men to see women as object and engage it such transaction. Yes, certain circumstance/situation has made women and men to choose it as their fastest option to get ahead in life. The truth is, the pleasure and also the perversion of sex is not going away anytime soon. It sells faster and will get worst which is quite scary. But the highlight will be how we choose to respond and accept the limitation and boindaries of it. If there’s no standard to life than it calls for ultimate chaos and destruction.
      There are professional porn stars, strippers, different sex workers who do it as a career, it still doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s very detrimental. It’s has been used as an easy form of income.
      I’m yet to see a sex worker who is very proud of their work and encourages their loved ones, children to follow the same footsteps and continue the legacy.

      1
  4. Awesome

    January 17, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    WOW!!!!!

  5. akama

    January 17, 2019 at 4:09 pm

    Interesting write-up but Falz did say he was a “hypocrite” didn’t he? I have two questions for you writer, 1. Who is a progressive thinker?, 2. Do you think that you are a progressive thinker?

  6. Kemi

    January 17, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    voluntary sex work (thanks to the radical ownership of the body that it entails) can be one of the most lucrative kinds of labor available to women… I stopped here. Dumbest thing I ever read. The most lucrative labor available to women is not sex. It is creating problems to solutions and scaling their ideas so they can grow their income. See Oprah or Kemi Adetiba or Linda Ikeji or all the other women that have done something with their talents and are reaping the rewards.
    What is the point to your life if all you are here for is to pleasure a man and buy hair and bags? Transactional sex is bad. No matter how much stamina you have your scale is limited and you remain at the mercy of the men you pleasure.. Women should stop diminishing their own value and apply themselves. Why should you be satisfied with the crumbs from a mans table when you can own the table and aim for the entire forest it was cut from. Let’s have a little more faith in ourselves.

    1
    • Max

      January 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm

      As you said this, I hope you’re empowering women, I hope you’re fighting for the girl child in the north to have an education, I also hope that you’re fighting against legalized paedophilia in the north from you seat of privilege.
      The sex you’re having with your husband is transactional btw. Hypocrite

    • Manny

      January 23, 2019 at 3:49 am

      This article is just highfalutin jargon disguised as intellectual discourse.

    • Adamba

      January 17, 2019 at 11:43 pm

      Thank you jare. I believe shame exists for a reason, God created shame for a reason. While it is understandable that some women have to sell sex due to abject poverty and men take advantage of it, it is very pitiable and should be condemned. We live in a time when it is becoming ok, and even encouraged to be a runsgirl or yahooboy. Of course they are both lucrative easy money paths,, but should we encourage it??? Shouldn’t we be ashamed of it??
      Should our kids grow up thinking this is normal? Sex that should be so private and sacred within the confines of marriage now given to the highest bidder? Should they aspire to runs? And while it may seem like Falz is policing women, truth is that women have much more to lose than men in almost all sexual issues. Higher chances of rape, abuse, molestation, unintended pregnancy, abortions, unintended baby-mamism, etc. The odds ain’t really in our favor, hence we women need be much more careful.

      **Olu, You have good writing skills though.

      1
    • Dro

      January 18, 2019 at 3:51 pm

      Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!
      What a woman! Can I take you out for brunch? Be just friends and introduce you to my daughter 🙂

      Dro.

    • Olutimehin Adegbeye

      January 20, 2019 at 10:17 am

      How old is your daughter? Hit me up on twitter, let’s talk about this – mine is 6 and we’re always happy to make new friends!

    • Dro

      January 18, 2019 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!
      What a woman! Can I take you out for brunch? Be just friends and introduce you to my daughter 🙂

  7. whocares

    January 17, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    oooh i enjoyed reading this sooooo much, and I agree with a lot of points here. My concern though is the author has (this might be deliberate?) written about transactional sex mostly from the vantage point of sex workers, runs girls etc. They make conscious decisions to do this, but transactional sex takes different guises (which she rightly recognized and mentioned briefly but did not give it as much attention as she should have considering it is a particularly relevant aspect of this conversation!) .Consider some women that have to engage in transactional sex in exchange for services they are happy, willing and able to pay for, but for one reason or the other the men in charge or in the economic position of power demand for payment in kind, Or skilled and intelligent women that apply for jobs and won’t get it until they do other things.. Now in these situations, if a woman gives in, yes there is a conscious decision to do something sexual in exchange for what she wants, but if you ask women in those situation if they would rather pay for the services, get their jobs meritoriously or exert their feminine wiles so as to get what is rightfully due to them, i bet the responses would be the former.
    In these instances, transactional sex is not a celebration of agency, neither is it empowering. It is difficult to enjoy power if it can only be wielded and enjoyed within boundaries not set by you; enter patriachy which the author has broken down so well. I think these other narratives are important . To sum up, transactional sex does not occur solely, or mainly within the bounds of a conscious recognition of agency, and this is why Falz’s statement is all the more damning, myopic and yes misogynist.

    1
  8. Babajide

    January 17, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    Miss or Mrs OluTimehin, I hope you do not go around acclaiming yourself as a feminist cos you’ve just accused Falz of his own opinion. FYI, feminism isnt just all about women; it’s about treating EVERY-body fairly which is what you’ve just disrespected. A feminist doesnt ACCUSE folks of their own opinion. The singer never attempted to force his position on transactional sex down the throat of anybody. He categorically stated in his Album Listening that it’s his own opinion.

    And did you actually state transactional sex is a means to OUTWIT a sexual system designed to devalue and exploit them????!!!!!

    In a nutshell, you could have chanelled the energy to writing this on another topic.

    • anon

      January 17, 2019 at 7:51 pm

      Sense is scarce and you are bereft.

    • Nahum

      January 18, 2019 at 3:20 am

      Baba Jide what nonsense are you saying? Please don’t ever drink and type again

    • miss_nk

      January 18, 2019 at 2:19 pm

      so feminism is now for you men as well? Wonders shall never end

  9. Modupe

    January 17, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    Agreed that the article wasn’t completely coherent but for Jummy to completely dismissed it as intellectual high horse is a bit unfair.
    We can all agree that Falz is a bag of contradictions and policing what and how women navigate their personal and consenting relationships with the opposite(or same sex) is not his business. He is young and has a lot to learn. Let’s have these conversations and keep talking is the key here.

    • Ope

      January 17, 2019 at 7:05 pm

      The article is offpoint. It should stick to the point about Falz’s statement about translational sex and establish a connection with entry-level misogyny. However this article is all over the place and not coherent.

  10. OgeAdiro

    January 17, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    Abeg, writer, all transactions are not equal. Selling ones body is not selling pure water. I’m not saying that one is better than the other (whoami). But they’re certainly not the same. Someone offering Bentley is not the same as someone offering penis or vagina. So, while we’re all entitled to offer whatever we want, I can see how some people (Falz according to you) will have issues with people offering the latter.

  11. justsaid it

    January 17, 2019 at 6:35 pm

    Yes you are right to say that sex work is work, but still, sex work is not one that is befitting in its entirety! Personally the disadvantages & the risks associated with it far outweighs its benefits! What is wrong is wrong, let us stop this political correctness, capitalism bullsh*t, which is also ideologies created & sold by men to men! And guess what a lot of times its easier to write something that hasn’t hit close to home, I wonder if your daughter came back one day & said dad I want to be a sex worker! Yes hun, oops! I’m guessing you will pat her back & sleep easy! He (Falz) is trying to change a narrative that you have chosen to believe (taking this one first -that sex is work & transactional sex is okay, when in the real sense of it (taking into consideration its benefits & disbenefits), its not! The fact that he believes it aint right is his opinion & if you think its okay, that’s fine too, its your opinion. The fact that he thinks that transactional sex is not okay too does not remove people’s choice to do or not to do, he’s just stating what he and I’m pretty certain some people think is wrong. That capitalism has defined work doesn’t mean that I accept its definition, some professor in the next couple of years can wake up one day & redefine what capitalism defined as work, the world is rapidly changing! Seriously, this write up I could scrutinize paragraph by paragraph but its not worth it biko! The write up or critique whatever you call it isnt at all constructive to me, but yet we quick to kick down someone who has given a voice to societal decadence & issues….Have several seats!!!

  12. Cocoa

    January 17, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    I disagree with both you, the writer and Falz. And sadly I don’t have the kind of energy it would take to break my opinion down. However I will say that your take on “voluntary sex work” being “lucrative ” work etc is where I drew the line and stopped reading.

    As I started the article I kept saying..yep this is Cisi Eze…champion of women for all things ungodly and immoral…but alas the batton has been handed over to a new voice( shame too because it is clear to me writing is a gift God gave you).

    Retrace your steps…both you and Falz have bought into a lie.

  13. Rose

    January 17, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    This is 100% correct and accurate! Expertly written and delivered! *claps*

    • Jonathan

      May 13, 2019 at 8:22 am

      Bar none one of the best articles I’ve ever read about Nigerian culture at large and just one of the best articles I’ve ever read period.

      The construction/explanation of the conceptual framework was 1st rate.

      Bravo!

  14. Anonymous obviously

    January 17, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    The drag was classily done.

  15. Avril

    January 17, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    This is so distressing. Are women really fighting for sex work to be glorified? Would you be happier if Falz said he like transactional sex and thinks women should be prostitutes?
    Women stay complaining about inequality but don’t want to act equal. They want to act like less than and be treated equally. Do you think someone who pays for your body would ever treat you as an equal? Would you treat a man With respect if he took money from you after sex?
    You retain the right to do what you like with your body and everyone should respect that but I have never met a woman who is a tune girl because she loves it or cos it’s what she dreamed for herself. It’s always some sort of ‘condition’ that leads to it.
    To be honest women always have a choice no matter how bad things are, they just don’t try enough because it’s easier to sleep with someone and take money.
    If transactional sex is so great and the women love it so much why don’t they incorporate and put up a website, print business cards and put it on social media? Let the whole world know that’s your talent and celebrate it? Who is stopping you?
    This is not what feminism is about. Let’s set the right goals and fight for the things that actually make sense. Like education and equal opportunities, real jobs that solve problems and Can put us in positions of authority without having to compromise our values.

    • Radiant

      January 18, 2019 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you for this response.

  16. sandra

    January 17, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    At first I was slightly upset that BellaNaija would post an article like this but I kind of get it now, I’d have argued to my deathbed that people can’t possibly think like this so I’m quite enlightened. I’m still stunned by the fact that someone so intelligent thinks like this, you really believe transactional sex is a lucrative business, a ‘means to outwit a sexual system designed to devalue and exploit them’.
    I feel like we’ve gotten to a point where being ‘woke’ is more detrimental than anything else. I’m actually quite worried that this article has been written by a person who works with young girls, extremely worried for the kind of advice she has to offer them. I completely believe our bodies belong to us to do as we please sexually(when you’re religious/spiritual like me then it’s a different ball game) but I completely disagree that sex can/should be used as a tool to get ahead. Sex ‘work’ is not work.

    1
  17. Amebo

    January 17, 2019 at 9:58 pm

    I struggled with this one. Opes point above sums up my issue with the write up. Your inability to.make a connection between TS and misogyny made this feel tedious to read and unneccessarily long. Long not because of the length but it was just painful to read. I stopped halfway through.

    Now about transactional sex, if your point was that the society we live in may not necessarily be fair to women and as a result some might succumb to transactional sex as a way to survive. I may buy that on the basis of their lack of options. However, to hold sex work as one of the MOST LUCRATIVE kinds of labour available to women is preposterous.

    You made other assertions including the fact that men are ALWAYS having TS. This is what they call fake news if I want to be sensation 2018 style. That statementbcant be true because not even ALL men have sex. If we can pick apart your articles with a few easily verified untruths, then like a house of cards it all comes crumbling down.

    I agree Falz like many artists are just full of contradictions and the more we call them out they less likely it will continue (well we hope). But am not sure this article is a step in the right ppl.

    So.much more I can say but am a) tired and b) not in the mood.

    All the best sha

  18. Anonymous

    January 17, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    Guys please don’t deceive the writer. This article wasn’t expertly written. The article was largely incoherent and deviated from the topic. The writer mixed up her points and lost the message she intended to deliver. Constructive feedback is necessary to stir growth and improvement. Help the writer improve on her expository writing skills by saying the truth about this article. Facts presented in this article were watery, disorganized and vaguely analysed with unnecessary buzz words.

  19. Radiant

    January 17, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    When I read of the backlash in re Falz’s opinion on transactional sex, my mind’s response is – this is just a family quarrel and no one will win this argument.

    On a related note, I figured out today that some type of being “woke” is only just deadening one’s conscience (these “intellectuals” would embrace you for that).

  20. Jen sanders

    January 18, 2019 at 1:06 am

    So much talk, yet little in the way of being holistic. Like a beam on glass, your article flew in different directions, like scattered thoughts, failing to bring true coherence to the argument. In the end it sounded like a rant, coloured by personal sentiments & angst.

  21. Funshe

    January 18, 2019 at 2:03 am

    Shey o ri dollar ma go gba e le ti!
    I’m a fan of falz tho
    And i am also not a fan of transactional sex
    Why the world is fighting whats morally wrong baffles me
    This our generation tho

  22. Nahum

    January 18, 2019 at 3:25 am

    Like it was mentioned above, you are really putting transactional sex on a pedestal and praising it as a means for women to get power, but you do realize that in Nigeria a hefty percentage of transactional sex takes place and the women were forced into it. It is not all the time that the women are wielding their power.

    I do agree with you though that Falz should tackle the men, rather than the women when it comes to these issues. All in all, I think your article could have been a lot less wordy and pretentious.

    • Engoz

      January 18, 2019 at 4:40 pm

      Yeah, the article excludes the downside of such sex. Prostitution and the various forms it exists IS a vice (immoral), let’s not get it twisted, women who do it should just own it and it should be legalized if indeed we are interested in managing the risks/negative consequences that arises from it. I know a lot of people are already clutching their pearls cos I said legalization, lmao. The law is actually REASON, free from passion. It operates on what is reasonable. My thoughts are expanded here: .

      https://www.d-liberation.com/blog/falz-transactional-sex-prostitution-legalization

  23. Dr. Hauwa

    January 18, 2019 at 7:59 am

    Wow this was beautifully written ! ????????

  24. Dolapo

    January 18, 2019 at 8:35 am

    . He is sleeping with you to meet his own need, think of your own needs to!,
    If your need is emotional, make sure he is providing the emotional support,
    if it is physical, ensure he gives it to you as you need it.
    if it is to get married, then let him put a ring on it before you start opening your legs and be satisfied with the title when you eventually get it.
    They do not joke with their needs, why should you with yours?

  25. Dora

    January 18, 2019 at 8:56 am

    All I see is big words flying up and down this article. Bottom line is that our graduates and youths are forced into transactional sex (both male and female these days) as a survival mechanism and not purely by choice. If they had other options the majority wouldn’t engage. So quit speaking too much Gramma and focus on the distressing realities of out failed society. A jobless female graduate engaging in transactional sex to survive is no way empowering. It is in itself misogynistic because she once again is at the mercy of the male for survival. PS; let’s also not lose our moral consciousness or get too caught up in this feminist movement. Sex for money is wrong and even the girls in the red light district in Amsterdam know this and are ashamed of it! It’s not a prestigious occupation although it is arguably the oldest occupation that ever existed even pre biblical era.

  26. warriaje

    January 18, 2019 at 10:59 am

    too many fashionable words that dont really have anything to do with your point. and you were everywhere so i didnt even know what you were trying to say again.

  27. Tobi

    January 18, 2019 at 11:40 am

    You complain about the patriarchy then go along to conform to it? Then you sit on your ass and call Falz a misogynist (and that’s not even the correct word for what your article says. I believe you meant hypocrite). You confuse me with a lot of your paradoxical nuances stating things about women being able to buy cars and fly planes, but because of MEN. Aren’t you supposed to be independent of men? Talking bout economic imbalance towards women instead of thinking of ways to negate this you decide the sex trade is your major lucrative market?? Giving the power back to the same patriarchy you complain about. Then about your consensual marriage sex story and bride price and even the demand for sex. You’re supposedly a millennial so you’re supposed to know what utter bs you just spilled. In this current society, a woman cannot be denied sex. And must be satisfied else the man risks a blow to their own self esteem, not women but sure it’s the patriarchy. A man cannot proudly beat up his wife because the society frowns on it, and he can literally be prosecuted, but still the patriarchy right? The bride price is symbolic or was anyway before parents began to exploit it. In fact your whole article is at least thirty years too late! If you have a problem, it’s with the former generation who ironically are the “sugar daddies”, who still believe in, yes I’m gonna say it, the objectification and commodification of women!

  28. Blazers & Baby

    January 18, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    I’m actually curious.
    If you ask your child (male or female) what he or she wants to be in the future and he or she says, “A commercial sex worker?”, would you truly be happy? Would you encourage the child? Send him or her to the nearest brothel to be mentored?
    I’m really interested in hearing people’s thoughts.

  29. Baybie

    January 18, 2019 at 1:53 pm

    Everything humans do with each other is transactional. But there are some transactions that can ruin lives in the long run. We just need to make better choices, and please stop saying sex is the most lucrative job available to women. This is 2019, solving a problem with your talent/skill is the BEST JOB available to women.

  30. zzzzzzzzzzz

    January 18, 2019 at 4:51 pm

    I will go off point and Bella may not publish, Let me go a little spiritual, there is this song “Heart of worship” In the chorus, there is a line that goes “I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it” though this song talks about worship, I always find my self thinking about sex. how sex which is God-given for Husband and Wife to enjoy has been so cheapened that people now campaign that it being transactionary as in (cash and carry) is someone’s right to earn a living. Lord forgive us for what we have made sex to be.

  31. Ayikpo

    January 18, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    While I agree that sometimes people seem to only shame the women and even encourage the slut-patronizing tendencies in men at the same time, I dont agree with your notion of transactional sex being a lucrative job, and particularly because you are trying to excuse it away with poverty and unemployment. Its like saying being a yahoo boy or an armed robber or kidnapper is justifiable because well, a lot of people graduate from the university with degrees and end up unemployed so they have no choice. And of course I know you’d want to say “but these people I just mentioned are harming other people while prostitutes are only having an effect on themselves”. You see, that’s where the problem starts. What is the use of feminism if it cannot tech girls to value themselves as much as they value other people? If a person can literally ” buy” them just because they have a right to do what they want with their bodies? If they have to depend on these men that they are supposed to not let control them, to make a living? Sex work still leaves a girl at the mercies of the men and ultimately, they are still serving these men who they are fighting so hard to be equal with. Because while men out there, do actual lucrative jobs that require their strenngth and intellect and make money, these women wait for them to come back, seek THEIR own pleasure and pay them off to provide it, then go back out and make some more money. If that is not demeaning of a woman’s status, strength and the respect that she deserves then I dont know what is. Yes, there are issues of women struggling to find jobs but what activists should be doing is fighting to give them a voice, to create a working society where these women stand a chance against their male counterparts in the work force rather than encourage them to settle for jobs that make them continuously at the mercies of the same men, stripping them of their respect and consoling them with “well you had no choice” Fight to give them a society where they would have choices. Making your body a mere commodity that is bought and sold in the “marketplace” is demeaning and anyone who wants a woman to have the chance to walk with her head high up will utterly frown at it. I agree that we should attack it from both sides, criticise the men who patronize these women as well as make the women who give themselves up know that they are not doing themselves any good, and they can do better, they deserve better. That sounds more like women empowerment. But telling women its okay to sel l their bodies in exchange for a man’s wealth while telling her that she worth’s just as much as the man who doesn’t have to sell himself to survive just doesn’t add up. We need to fight for a society where girls do not have to see prostitution as their only option, not console them and encourage them to keep selling themselves short. That is even more misogynistic than Falz’ views because at the end of the day, it keeps women at the bottom of the food chain, and we are back to square one.

  32. Nmakanma

    January 18, 2019 at 10:08 pm

    This post just made me yawn. Too much grammar, yet little or no point

  33. Juhjuh

    January 19, 2019 at 12:09 am

    In as much as i tried to understand the write up and possibly agree with the writer, i got lost along the lines….i dont understand how someone of her caliber would use so much unnecessary buzz words just to pass a simple n single message.
    IMO, TS or sex work in this context affects both parties involved just as free market affects both the supplier and consumer. The man is depriving his family of useful resources to pay for services as much as the woman is giving up MAYBE her dignity, thus both parties are gaining something and giving up something too. They are both at risk of contracting diseases if not cautious. I think we should all be talking more about risk reduction for this group of people instead of counter opinions and use of bogus words to drive home our points cos at the end of the day, Most adults would end up doing whatever they feel like to do irrespective of what we all think.
    And NO, TS isnt the most lucrative labor available to women pls.
    I think the writer should keep it short and simple (kiss) next time

  34. Anots

    January 19, 2019 at 1:09 am

    Wow, comments like Jummy’s and her supporters club just makes you realize how much of a long way we still have to go with comprehension, logical arguments and understanding. What a shame.

  35. Olusola

    January 19, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    This piece is interesting in its junk. The writer derails from her thesis statement in many paragraphs and works hard at nothing to buttress her points with unsubstantiated facts. I’m most appalled by paragraphs 7, 8 and 9. She thinks we are docile and can force- feed us with her baseless facts.
    In paragraph 7, she writes that: “Within patriarchal capitalism, women’s labour is systemically under- or de-valued in favour of men and women are routinely paid less than men for equivalent or even harder work.” If she was thinking of Nigeria while writing the paragraph, then she is the chief of all liars. I don’t know of any establishment in the country – private or public – that underpays its female staffers because they are females. In the civil service, a female perm sec earns as much as her male counterpart. Or are women cashiers in banks earn less than their male colleagues? Even at betting shops both male and female cashiers earn the same. What determines individual’s salary in any establishment is their level in the establishment, isn’t it? I stand to be corrected.
    In paragraph 8, she writes that: “Survival sex work/transactional sex is also one of the few routes to economic compensation that is available to women who are routinely discriminated against and excluded from the formal labor market, such as poor, un- or under-educated.” Dear Writer, how are women excluded from the labor market in the age where talents and skills matter more to employers than gender?
    In paragraph 9, she writes that: “In a heteronormative society like Nigeria, we are socialized into believing that men—regardless of their age, class, marital or other status—are interested in and entitled to sex with any and all women. I cringed reading the whole paragraph, which is littered with balderdash. The writer is suffering from delusion of her own false assumptions. Who are the “we”? 180 million Nigerians. Who socialize the “we”? How many men has the writer sampled who feel entitled to sex with any women? For Christ sake, we are not morons. We are not purposeless people who can’t reason, who can’t distinguish between bean porridge and shit. Nigerian men are not dogs. Ms Writer, stop spewing shit. There are men with sexual integrity in the country, married men who uphold the sanctity of marriage and single men who have decided to have sex only with their to-be wives. These men are many. They are out there. Ms. Writer may not have seen them because of her sentiments and angst, because she sees men as trees.
    In paragraph 10, she consolidates her baloney.” Further, patriarchy generally socializes men out of their ability to feel or express affection, care, vulnerability, compassion, tenderness and other emotions which make romantic interactions worthwhile, such that women who partner with men often end up in emotionally inadequate or even empty relationships.” I don’t know the marital status of this writer. Perhaps she is married, and she made that statement based on the skewed romance in her own bedroom. Yet, her own romantic /sexual experiences with her husband are not enough to draw a conclusion that presents Nigerian men as emotionless, unromantic, compassionless, and callous lovers who are not interested in filling their women’s emotional tanks. Or is she privy to sexual activities that go on in many homes? Perhaps, she is a sex therapist who has had many women come to her to whine about inadequate affection and love they get from their men. But I doubt she is one. If she is single, then she isn’t an authority to tell us what goes on in our bedrooms. Except she has conducted a study – perhaps through questionnaires or focus group discussions – related to romantic love among couples in the country, of which her samples must have been sufficient enough to draw her conclusion.
    Ms Writer, listen to me: Nigerian men are romantic lovers. We care about our wives. Are we not the same men who go on our knees to propose to our women? Please don’t use the terrible experience you may have had with any man to judge us.
    The problem with people like this writer is the (evil) messages they propagate that a majority of Nigerian men are bad, coloring us with the fast-becoming clichéd term ‘misogynist.” The writer and her ilk are trying hard to give the world the impression that a majority of married Nigerian women are enduring their marriages, that they don’t have power over their bodies; that they are not sexually fulfilled.
    Dear Writer, contrary to what your likes wanted the world to believe, a majority of married women are happily married and are raising godly children who won’t see prostitution as a lucrative work and who won’t venture into it when financial challenges hit them.
    I should commend you for having better critical thinking skills more than some of us and for your understanding of economics, capitalism, labor and the politics of gender, which Falz doesn’t know.

  36. Stona

    January 19, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Sorry but who is We? Wow wow wow

  37. Ayikpo

    January 20, 2019 at 3:06 am

    And come o, who are these men patronizing the “transactional sex workers?” I understand there are some young unmarried maybe yahoo boys? that have made a little cash and can afford to spend it on numerous girls. But which group of men predominantly constitutes the patronizers of these people? So are we indirectly encouraging men to cheat? Ohhhh…I seee. A woman has a right to do whatever she wants with her body, so she can sleep with a married man and get paid, but that same man is scum for cheating on his poor wife at home. Hmmm. Interesting. At the end of the day, its “women’s” rights we are fighting for. How lovely???.

  38. Manny

    January 20, 2019 at 9:46 am

    Quote from article: Like Cornell Professor Kate Manne says, “most misogynistic behavior is about hostility towards women who violate patriarchal norms and expectations, who aren’t serving male interests in the ways they’re expected to.”

    Dear Writer, in order to qualify Falz’ hate of transactional sex as misogyny, you have to show how sex workers are “women who violate patriarchal norms”.

    I personally see nothing wrong with transactional sex but abeg this article’s logic is watery. All bark, no bite.

  39. Please

    January 20, 2019 at 9:57 am

    Porn on his Snapchat, strippers in his parties…Falz ‘detests’ transactional sex like I ‘detest’ cake. Also he gets far too angry at valid criticism to be an effective social commentator.

  40. Baby boy

    January 20, 2019 at 10:26 am

    “We be fluxing with the long mama charlie money
    when we balling on you, we do it marvellously
    Shower blessings on strippers in your bachelor seat
    I don’t holla, i come silently
    Girls wan dey wakka with the young RMD
    You hot chalie, shey you’ll come la’le
    Am just out here scouting or more talents
    In the front aspect, is my core target
    Make the face fine make the body come perfect
    I gather fine babes like say i dey run pageant
    I never get tired, is because…” Baby boy by Falz, the man who detests transactional sex?

  41. Lucci

    January 21, 2019 at 12:47 pm

    Hmmmmm. Can someone kindly breakdown all these grammar. I forgot my dictionary at home. Phew…

  42. Miss sunshine

    January 21, 2019 at 4:24 pm

    Part of me thinks that the only reason bellanaija would publish an article like this is to drive traffic to its dwindling site because i cannot for the life of me comprehend how a woman who claims to be a feminist and wants equal rights with men would encourage girls to sell their bodies and their dignity to the same men claiming that voluntary sex work is the most lucrative kind of labour available to women. Shame!!! I don’t understand the level of “wokeness” you people are operating from. In a world most women like Oprah, Sheryl Sandberg, Angela Merkel, Folorunsho Alakija are making names for themselves in their various fields, we have a “feminist” writer giving us the wonderful advise of stripping down and being a play thing for men while also fighting for equal rights with those same men. Wow!!!

  43. Nedula

    January 22, 2019 at 12:09 am

    And when we think we know, then we know nothing at all. Like to meet you writer.

  44. Jonathan

    May 13, 2019 at 8:31 am

    Bar none one of the best articles I’ve ever read about Nigerian culture at large and just one of the best articles I’ve ever read period.

    The construction/explanation of the conceptual framework was 1st rate.

    Bravo!

    P.S to the author- ignore all the haters, they just can’t deal with abstract thought and take it incredibly personally. Keep doing you. Where can I read more of you?

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