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Can You Sleep Through a Storm Or Is the Slight Creak of the Door Enough to Startle You?

For light sleepers, the littlest zuuuu of a mosquito or meeeeh of a sheep can tear them away from their slumber.

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“I don’t snore, I don’t snore” Awe, forget… you snore! Snorers never accept that they snore. They are always in denial. If they are not in denial, they will turn to shalaye FC and be giving excuses: “I must have been extremely tired, I carried 70 bags of cement today…” Who asked you? So do you snore? We know you will not talk now. Anyway, it’s all love. Don’t take it personally.

We have several types of sleepers:

There are those who just have to place their body on the bed and boom – they’re asleep. There are some who can sleep anywhere – even on chairs and stools. These ones will have their heads lolling from one side to the other, spittle dripping from the corner of their mouths and their limbs spread at funny angles. It is particularly annoying in public buses.

There are others – the snorers – who will be giving us different ringtones when sleeping. There are also the ‘dangerous’ ones; those who sleep with their eyes half-open. With these ones, you cannot do anything in secret because you will be scared that they are watching you.

Then we have those who suffer from partial insomnia. These ones will lie down on the bed, switch off the light, put off all gadgets and still won’t be able to sleep. They will have to pray and offer sacrifice to the gods before they can sleep.

Where do you belong?

For light sleepers, the littlest zuuuu of a mosquito or meeeeh of a sheep can tear them away from their slumber. They don’t sleep deeply. They are the ones that will be sleeping soundly but will wake up immediately you try to steal their pillow. Everyone likes to lie that they are light sleepers, including those that can sleep for 15 hours. You will hear “I wasn’t sleeping, I just closed my eyes”. Yinmu.

See ehn, if you are a heavy sleeper, there’s no need to lie, own it with your full chest. It is sleep you sleep, you did not kill person. 

When you sleep, you cycle between REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and non-REM (Non-Rapid Eye Movement). This has four stages and the stages explain how you transition from light sleep to heavy sleep:

In stage one, you are in the REM Stage. Your eyes are closed, but it’s easy to wake you up. This phase may last for 5 to 10 minutes.

In stage 2, your heart rate slows and your body temperature drops. This means that your body is getting ready for deep sleep.

Stages 3 is the deepest and most restorative stage of sleep. This is the stage where you grumble and nearly fight when someone wakes you up. You might even develop a headache when disturbed at this stage. During the deep stages of N-REM sleep, the body repairs and regrows tissues, builds bone and muscle, and strengthens the immune system.

In stage 4, you go back to the REM stage where your body system is preparing to wake up and join others in the land of consciousness. This is the stage when most of your dreaming happens, and your brain wave activity, heart rate, and blood pressure increase to levels that are close to what we have when we’re awake.

But come to think of it, some people don’t go through these stages. They jump to stage 3 sharp sharp. Because there are some people you will be gisting with and before you know it, boom… they are already snoring.

Quick gist: That was how during a music rehearsal, one of the singers went to one corner to sleep. Even with all the loud music – piano, talking drum, trumpets and so on, this dude did not still wake up. The other singers rolled a piece of paper, lit it and put it into his mouth. This dude was just smoking free paper cigarette unknowingly. It was not until the paper had almost finished burning that this guy jumped up from his sleep. Heavy sleeper!

Heavy sleepers are also those people that will be going to 1004, but will sleep off till they find themselves in Ajah. Non-Lagos residents, sorry we can’t help you with the context. Open Google maps to see the distance. 

As you grow older, you sleep less. Remember when we were young and our parents used to force us to sleep? It was so painful then because it was always when we were watching our favourite cartoon or when we were playing tininitanana. Even our class teachers will force us to put our heads on the desk to sleep. It was wickedness to us then. Now that we are all grown up – working and hustling, many people are beginning to pray for the opportunity to sleep.

Lagos people can relate more. Most of them usually have their morning and night sleep in the bus. We even heard that with the recent traffic jam all over the state, some of them have started taking pillows to work so that while spending 5 hours stuck in one place, they will just bring out their pillow, stretch their legs if they can and snore away. No time.

We are not trying to shade you, but Lagos traffic is is not easy. Some people spent people hours from Lekki Phase 1 to SandFill on Tuesday. Ikeja-Maryland-Ojota was totally blocked. It is better to play smart by taking your pillows and a small blanket to work, so you can sleep in the bus/car/Uber or whatever. Don’t say we haven’t done anything for you.

Back to the sleep matter: how you react to noise (or any other form of distraction) mostly determines if you are a light sleeper or not. An average adult needs between 7-9 hours of sleep daily in order to function properly. The world is beginning to glorify lack of sleep: “successful people don’t sleep“. Woo, you will just break down. Truth is, successful people know when to sleep and when to be awake!

You need to understand your body and act accordingly. There are some people who just need to sleep for a few hours and they’ll be healthy and alert. Others have to sleep for longer hours. If you discover that you don’t function well without sleep, then, by all means, sleep! Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for sleeping. Don’t deprive yourself of sleep and say “my system will get used to it”. One day your body will just collapse and say “I no do again“.

It is important to sleep and it is more important to know if you are a light or heavy sleeper. That way, you will be able to plan your schedule to determine how many hours of sleep you’ll get per day and when you’ll get them. This does not apply to those who live in Lagos. The most important thing is to have healthy sleeping habits.

Note that the quality and quantity of your sleep are both important for your good health. So if you are in the “if you sleep, poverty will finish you” gang, we pity you. Don’t chase money and then later spend it all in the hospital. Don’t kee yourself, life is too short.

P.S – Know when to sleep and know when to gbe body e!

4 Comments

  1. Blackbeauty

    November 21, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    This was funny..

    1
  2. Anon

    November 22, 2019 at 1:50 am

    Funny and interesting. Thank you!

  3. Seun

    November 22, 2019 at 8:48 am

    I absolutely enjoyed reading this, I mean I was literally LOLing.

    1
  4. Dee

    November 24, 2019 at 10:15 pm

    I laughed throughout but this was so educative and informative!! You are an excellent writer!

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