Lola Odele: The Wounds We Don’t Talk About

The shared trauma we experienced the previous year reminds us of our humanity and brought us closer than ever. Watching Ini dima Okojie share her journey with fibroid was heartbreaking and, at the same time, empowering. It has made me realize we all have stories behind the beautiful smiles we show the world.

We don’t talk enough about our pain and struggles because social media paints a perfect picture that does not always exist. We have to acknowledge the fact that people go through a lot of shit behind closed doors. Opening up about the ugly parts of our lives is mentally tasking, and we do not like to talk about our terrible memories. However, shying away from our pain is not enough to make them disappear.

Dealing with pain alone can be a lonely journey. We all have problems but the way we solve them is what makes us different. The wounds we carry around and for so long become a burden to our souls. We try to break free from the pain by drinking or partying excessively, doing drugs, countless one-night stands, binge-eating, and so on. These are distractions and they only last for a while. These actions can also lead to serious medical and mental health problems.

Wounds are very powerful in many ways we are yet to fathom; they can hold you back, control you, and make you a bitter person. The weight we carry for a long period of time prevents us from reaching our full potential. Of course, healing is a process. Band-aids don’t fix bullet wounds. Acknowledge your emotions, forgive yourself, and allow yourself to heal. Time does not heal the deepest wounds, it only lessens the pain. When we let go of our pain, we get better. We all have decisions we regret or a past we are not proud of. Don’t be discouraged; mistakes are part of what makes us human. When we learn from our mistakes, we grow. Just because we made a mistake does not mean we cannot preach against them. We must never shy away from the truth even when it is painful.

Sometimes, we need professional help to enables us heal from the wounds of the past. Mental health struggles are real. We must not be ashamed to seek the help we need. Don’t let us fool ourselves with “it will get better with time,” we all need different things when dealing with pain. Don’t cover it up and say it’s alright. Make sure you seek professional help or reach out to organiations that offer free and subsidized mental health program if you cannot afford treatment.

While healing, you have to take care of your thoughts. Negative thoughts precede a mental health breakdown. Negative thoughts make you believe the worst about yourself, others, and society in general. Don’t be too critical or judgmental about yourself. Negative thinking can have a devastating impact on your healing process. Thoughts like “I can’t do it”, “I am a failure”, “I can rarely do anything right” is detrimental to your health. Assuming you are to be blamed for everything that goes wrong is not helpful. We all have negative thoughts from time to time, however, we must never hold them as an opinion about who we really are. Our thoughts directly affect how we feel about ourselves.

Love heals a wounded heart. Love mends a broken heart. We need the love and support of people who love us unconditionally and will always be there for us. They make the pain we feel bearable. Accept love and social support. Don’t discourage people who love and genuinely care about you.

Wounds leave scars, learn to wear yours like a medal. Our pain should never be belittled or taken for granted. We are conquerors.

To people who are still hurting, I pray you heal from the wounds you don’t talk about.

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Photo by Alex Green from Pexels