So What If We Became Governors for a Week?

Our team’s all-hands meeting last week was, as usual, filled with laughter and important nuggets. When we were told Jane (note that all names here are pseudonyms) would lead the meeting, we were expecting her to make us throw our heads back, laughing our hearts out, as par unserious being wey she be na. Then Jane came with the shocker question: if you could be the governor of your state (where you live or were born) for a week, what would you do? What policies would you implement? What changes would you make? Ahan, Jane, these kinds of questions from you? Stop disguising; when did you become a serious person?

Then came the answers. At first, they were serious.

Lucky said he was going to get rid of bad roads in his state – build better words and fix all the bad ones. Because think about it, how can Nigerians be doing pakutu pakutu every time they’re driving? In 2022? Potholes everywhere!

Morayo said she’d eradicate noise. “I hate noise. Lagos is too noisy, ahan! Everywhere you go, there’s a speaker here or there. This one is blasting music, this one is yelling. We cannot even enter the bus in peace without an agbo seller or backyard doctor advertising the cure to all ailments. They even use microphones now! Everywhere, noise! In fact, she’d arrest you if you’re found polluting the environment and people’s ears with noise. Better watch out!

Felix said he’d focus on prison reforms in his state. True, it’s saddening to see innocent people languishing in prison while the guilty frolic up and down without the law coming hard on them. Did you know that at least 7 out of 10 Nigerian prison inmates are serving time without being convicted? This means that 70% of people in Nigerian prisons are held without trial. Many innocent people have been there for aeons, their lives wasting away. Staggering!

Kike mentioned the things that irritated her about her state: touts. “Once I become governor, I’d clear them all.” Wo, me I agree. Have you seen those touts harass and extort money from people before? A menace! Before you people come for Kike, let me tell you that she has better plans for them sha, she’s not just kicking them out. Vote for her if you want to know more.

When Kauna said she was going to include more women in politics and governance and policy making, we taught it was great. After all, we only have 6% of Nigerian women active in politics. Out of 360 members in the House of Representatives, only 18 are women, representing about 4.61 per cent. Senate has 8 women out of 109 members, representing 7.34 per cent.

Then she went further to say she was going to build more public libraries and parks. Come to think about it, look around you, where are the places where you can walk into, sit on chairs – under a shade, of course, and sip your wine or zobo as the case may be without any disturbance? Or a public garden you can go to at any time, spread your mat and have a picnic with your family? Or a public playground for children? So how do poor people – who cannot afford to pay to enter certain recreational centers – have fun? These are the issues.

But just when we were about to yell “Kauna for governor,” she goes “but I know nothing can really change in a week, so I’ll get enough money, japa and leave you people in this country.” Our jaws dropped. Ehn?

Then came the unserious ones.

Akin said he’d reduce the official workdays to Mondays – Thursdays. If we work 4 days out of 7, isn’t that enough? Think am na.  

Another said there’s be a compulsory party every Saturday. See? You must unwind by force. Nigerians too like work, be like say we no dey rest. So if you get the opportunity to let go of your sorrow and attend free parties every Saturday, won’t you jump at it?

Some said they’d share free food to everyone in their state. After all, na who dey alive dey chop. Then there are those who are planning to share our national cake. Something wey never reach all of us? Ah! Who was that person that said she’ll ban all agbado-ness from this country? Gaskiya, I can’t remember. I don’t even know what that means. But I still want to eat well-salted boiled corn and suck on the cob.

Beyond the jokes and laughs, everyone had something to say, a policy they want to change, something they believe would improve the lives of other people. And it’s beautiful to see that we’re all in tune with governance in our states.

Me, I’d tackle issues of climate change because have you seen the floods? Over 500 persons have died, 45,249 houses have been totally destroyed, 70,566 hectares of farmlands have been damaged, and 1.4 million people have been displaced so far across states. See how you can help here.

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