Biodun Da-Silva: There’s More to Marriage Than Love

I believe we all have multiple characters: the person we are behind closed doors and the person we present to the world. The same thing applies to a relationship. When a man and a woman meet for the first time, they have no prior clue of the kind of characters they both are. The man may possibly be attracted to the woman and the woman can either fall in love at first sight and/or ignore his advances. Love at first sight is risky; you have no knowledge of the person you just gave your heart to. At that point, you are not privy to his/her past nor do you know where he is coming from, his mindset, experiences, ideals and moral standpoint.

The question many people keep asking is if marriage can be built on the foundation of love alone. Can such a marriage survive? The answer is up for debate but personally, I’d say no; love is not enough. When the challenges of life come knocking on the doors of your marriage, love can only take you to some extent and would be sufficient where necessary. Friendship would rather ensure that the journey is worth it and with commitment, synergism and trust for each other, you’d face the challenges and win.

In my last article, I wrote that a life partner is simply the person you have chosen to run your life with. In today’s world, you’ll need more than love to survive. Your partner must be willing to bring more than just love to the table. He/she must bring commitment, fidelity, loyalty, care, understanding, friendship, hard work, and must be brave enough to stand by you through the ups and downs of life. More importantly, he/she must choose you over and over again when they’re tested. 

Life is difficult enough and the last thing anyone needs is to be in a chaotic relationship. A union where peace of mind is threatened and mental health is strained due to a one-sided love or an inconsiderate partner is simply unhealthy. An unhealthy relationship or marriage damages a person mentally and physically. These days, abusive marriages mostly end in divorce or death. So one thing we must never compromise is choosing the right partner.  

Many single men and women I’ve had a conversation with have shared that they probably would never get married considering the number of breakups, divorces and domestic abuse reports that happen on a daily basis. While these are valid reasons to be concerned, my answer has been the same across the board: marry your best friend and your soulmate. You can either marry right or marry wrong but one thing is sure, you cannot fit a square peg in a round hole. Love cannot be forced nor is it enough. It is important to marry the person that’d treat you right and love you exactly how you want to be loved.

You and your partner must be compatible; you cannot charge an iPhone with a Nokia charger. Compatibility is extremely crucial in marriage. If a couple is not compatible but is willing to make it work, then they must be committed to making it work. A relationship or marriage runs deeper than what we see on the surface. A business partnership mustn’t be entered into wearing a kid’s glove. Marriage is a lifelong business of love, friendship, commitment, and so on. and so on. All hands must be on deck to ensure it runs smoothly and is mutually beneficial for both parties involved.

Love is the glue that binds all the attributes of what a healthy relationship should be, and what must be brought to the table by the parties involved. It can be compared to salt which enhances the taste of all other ingredients in a meal. By itself, it’s just salt but when combined with other ingredients, it produces something tasty.

Beyond love and relationships, human lives hold so much value because every individual we encounter has potential. Your power lies in the value you carry and bring to the table. Never allow yourself to be devalued by the actions of others. Most importantly, never allow anyone – be it your partner, a stranger, your family or anyone – to suppress your greatness or dim your shine.

“By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship” – Mark Manson

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