Abisola Owokoniran: Should Physical Punishment Be Considered for Children?

Children nowadays won’t understand the methods of discipline used in the past. Some of the popular punishments then were frog-jump, kneeling, stooling or flogging with either a cane, a belt or anything else they felt could be correctional. But the most prominent was the cane. Most parents used it because they thought it’d prevent their children from repeating a bad act, like a quick fix. But the problem was, was the fix permanent or temporary?

The answer is ambivalent. Some children beaten regularly seemed to grow a thick skin and got used to it. They indulged in nefarious activities without care because they’d concluded, “I would only be beaten.” This makes some children suffer from trauma and affects their journey as they grow up. However, some claimed caning positively shaped them. People have spoken about how they initially thought their parents hated them for punishing them but they discovered it was for their own good, and now insist on implementing the same ways of punishment with their own children. A coin, always, has two sides.

While corporal punishment (read: flogging) has drastically declined in society, especially in the city, it is still a major means of correcting a child in rural areas. There are still stories of children being cane-beaten by their parents, teachers or guardians. The reason flogging has declined is due to the evolution of time. Parents now sit children down to tell them the wrongs of their behaviour and get them to understand why it is not acceptable. This has had a positive and a negative effect on children’s development. The positive is the fact that children are now allowed to express their feelings without fear. Gone are the days when children were rather seen and not heard. I remember keeping mute as a child when adults were talking. It’s like staying invincible in a spot no matter how interesting the gist was. If a question was asked, you’d be considered very rude and disrespectful. I remember even when asked a question, fear lurked at the back of my mind.

But this is no longer the case now. Children are now seen and heard. I remember sitting in a salon when a little girl screamed and her mother ran to her. She said to her mother, “Mum, I don’t like this aunty. She keeps pulling my hair.” Instead of the mother cautioning the girl from saying such to a stranger, the mother rather turned to the hairdresser and asked her to stop pulling her daughter’s hair. A scenario like that boosts a child’s confidence when faced with uncomfortablity.

In another instance, also in a hair salon, a woman came with her little girl to fix their nails, and suddenly the little girl shouted. She said the woman doing her nails was doing it wrong and that the paint was ugly. Her mom hurriedly went to her side to see what was going on. She told her daughter to stop shouting but the little girl kept whining and there was nothing her mum said that mattered, until the nail technician changed the colour when she kept quiet. Her mum, who sat beside me, smiled and stated how children nowadays are very strong-willed and outspoken. The nail technician and I started at each other and smiled but didn’t say a word, we both knew what was on our minds.

The negative aspect of the modern aspect of child-rearing is that parents tend to lose some form of control over their children. From a young age, children are now given power over certain aspects of their lives, such as what they eat and wear. While these may seem trivial, there are other more significant choices that can have far-reaching consequences. For example, children now have the power to choose which cars pick them up from school, and if their preferred car is not available, they may throw a tantrum. I have even witnessed children throwing things and walking out on their parents, leaving them feeling helpless. In some cases, children have even directed derogatory language towards their teachers. This may seem impossible but it happens in Nigeria and it is a worrying trend.

Although modern forms of child-rearing have their benefits, it is important not to abolish corporal punishment entirely. I am not advocating for excessive physical punishment, but I do believe there are instances where it is necessary. The problem with adopting the Western approach to child-rearing is that it can lead to a lack of respect for parents and other adults. When parents cannot tell their children what to do, it creates a power imbalance that can be detrimental to the family unit.

Do we want a society where parents cannot communicate effectively with their children, where children feel entitled to call their parents derogatory names? While excessive corporal punishment is not the answer, there are certain times when it may be necessary. It is about finding a balance between talking to and disciplining children. Parents should strive to know when to use which method of punishment, as it may vary from household to household. We need to find a fine balance in society and in our homes to discipline our children.

 

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