Features
Oluwadunsin Deinde-Sanya: “We Were Born to Lie Down and Cry”
I spent my holiday watching a lot of romcoms. The stories are all the same – 2 people, most likely different in ideologies, culture, and way of living, fall in love. At first, everything is rosy – they are consumed by love, enamoured of each other, visiting new places, kissing and making love so passionately they cannot catch their breaths. Then suddenly, one discovers the darker side of the other, and everything goes downhill from here. Days, weeks, and months go by, and their hearts are filled with sourness and this love is replaced with bitterness. Now, all they have left are vestiges of the feelings they once had for each other. Suddenly, something happens – a discovery perhaps, they find their way back into each other arms, and they live happily ever after.
Sometimes, love stories bore me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a romantic. But if you’ve watched one romcom, you’ve watched all. So it’s not surprising that as I watch Netflix, I have a WordPress tab open, working. I watch with my ears and work with my fingers and eyes. But when I heard the phrase, “We were not meant to do anything, we were born to lie down and cry,” I lifted my eyes to see this scene in this movie whose title I cannot remember now. Lover boy was encouraging lover girl (pardon me, I cannot remember their names) to go for a certain bigger career position, slightly different from her current role – which she was so passionate about, by the way – and she says “I don’t think I’m meant to do that.” He then replies with, “We were not meant to do anything, we were born to lie down and cry” and gives her a lecture about how our lives are whatever we decide we want them to be. And if she decides travelling to another country, or taking a bigger role is good for her, so be it.
Now and then, we experience lightbulb moments. Times when it feels like we’re having an epiphany. It is not that you do not know these things, it is that in that moment, these words find a way to cause a jarring sensation in your subconscious. Like a sharp poke in the rib, a slight push of your shoulder, and you breathe deeply, sigh, rock your legs, or simply sit still as the words float in the globe of your brain. That is what I experienced. I don’t think God, when sending me to this earth, said, “Go forth and be a writer or be in the digital media space.” I chose it. Or it chose me. Or we’ve chosen each other. And I have towed this lane because I want to. If I decide to be an engineer, photographer, or painter tomorrow, who will stop me?
_
As we navigate life, we decide what we want out of it, how we want to be perceived by others, and how we want the universe to respond to our call. We sail this ship, and we can change course at any time. In many ways – even when life seems to be beyond our control – we can decide not to be or do in a certain way. So what if I begin to feel so strongly about being an archaeologist and decide to go back to school right now to study Archaeology? What if I no longer want to be in the media space and decide I want to go into tech? Indeed, the only person that’ll stop me is myself.
These things – starting afresh at 40, leaving a marriage at 68, leaving your career field for another, shutting down your business and starting another, leaving your relationship of 11 years, giving your toxic boss the middle finger, getting out of your head and letting yourself fall hopelessly in love, choosing to be happy every single day – are doable. What happens is that our fear can sometimes be so strong we decide to become statues, stuck in a particular spot, gathering dust.
_
Indeed, we were born to be on our backs, our legs in the air, our hands in balls, wailing our lungs out as our caregiver runs helter-skelter trying to pacify us. But we are no longer babies, our hearts and legs are strengthened, and we can move.
At the beginning of every year, I write you a message to encourage you through the year. Most times, I write for myself as much as I do for you. So this year, I’m reminding myself that I can do anything. I can move anywhere. I wasn’t born to remain here, particularly if I feel like moving. So in 2024, stop lying down and crying if you’re not comfortable or you feel you can be more. Move.
Happy New Year.
***
