BN Hot Topic: The Good Girl vs. Bad Guy Syndrome
Posted on Friday, May 13th, 2011 at 1:50 PMBy Temiloluwa
Recently, I have been particularly intrigued by a phenomenon which has become almost cliché: the Good Girl vs. Bad Boy syndrome. At least 90% of every woman that has been in a relationship, can give first hand experience of this syndrome. The symptoms are quite easy to spot: she finds the gentle and nice guys boring and slow, instead she longs for the thrills of being with the guy that gives her butterflies. She ignores the guy who calls everyday, sends her flowers and writes poems but instead prefers the guy she has to chase to get a call back. She finds herself forcibly attracted to the guy who cheats, forgets her birthday and even worse still, the guy who hits her.
In the past, I have watched my girlfriends fall in love with the most glaringly unsuitable guys. I noticed that ‘good guys’ never stood a chance. For some reason they didn’t seem ‘cool’ enough. They didn’t have the right swag or the right words to get the conversation going. But it would take a heart breaker less than a minute to wind any unsuspecting lady round his finger! All the signs would be there, the stories of his previous philandering ways, the way he would look at other girls while talking to her and the casual disrespectful way he spoke about all his exes. Yet for some reason, like a lamb being led to slaughter, the ‘good’ girl would walk, heart first, into the arms of Mr Cool Bad Guy!
Sometimes, the girl is lucky and is able to escape the pangs of Mr Heartbreaker. Other times, she launches a rescue mission and tries to change the guy, somehow believing that only she posses the antidote to his treachery, even though she knows full well that hundreds of girls have come in her place and failed!
I discussed this with a male friend of mine and he offered a clear perspective on the issue. According to him, there is no such thing as a good girls falling for bad guys, the only distinction is between sharp girls and gullible girls, “Sharp girls know better than to fall in love with their eyes closed, their own version of love is not blind”. He went on to say that these girls ensure that they weight the pros and cons before agreeing to any relationship. On the other hand, gullible girls are moved by what they hear and these bad guys know exactly what to say.
But what do you guys think? Why do we girls find the overly nice guys dull and instead prefer the ones who will undoubtedly break our hearts? What is it about bad guys that make them so unbelievably alluring? Is my friend right when he says there are two types of girls- the smart girl and the gullible one? Have you had your own bad boy experience? How did you handle it?
Let’s talk!
Tags: BN Hot Topic
first! yay!muah to u all.coming bk for real comment.lol
Who wants to be stuck in a relationship with a boring goody-two-shoes? “Bad guys” re fun but i draw the line at dating ones who would dare see me as a punching bag.
Reformed bad boys are the best. They’ve been there, done that and now back to being calm, but u still catch a glimpse or two of the charm.
Really?… Good luck oh, so you want them to go hurt other girls then wen they are tired they shud settle down wiv u? I wish you the best on that one cus u never know…u may just be the last experiment they have before they settle down.
Nice Guys finish last…yes indeed. but u cant xpect 2 b treated like a queen wen u fall 4 a thug
well said! der are two types of bad guyz.. d douchebags and reformed ones! d reformed ones are d best. nobody wants a guy who hasnt ‘shined his eyes’ yet bcos d he does! hmnnn!!! dats end! u want smebody dat has dne it all n is ready 2 settle dwn with u!
While I wouldn’t call myself a douchebag, I WAS dating (read kpanshing) 5 girls the summer I met my current girlfriend. She was in a relationship with a casual acquaintance of mine. . . . We’ll be celebrating three years together this August. And we’re both 22. “Bad boys” are the way we are because we can get away with it, and girls love us. . . but she humbled me.
Just don’t ask me to admit this in public!
girl u r spot on with that i love reformed bad boys. too cool.
Pls define ‘reformed bad boy’. I dont get it.
well bad guys are fun to date but good guys are the one to marry…i myself have been there and done that with a bad guy…and at the end of the day one will just complain about how horrible men are and blah blah blah why not date someone that treats you well??
My Dear, there is no such thing as a reformed bad guy, not unless he is a born again christian.
i agreeeeeeeee!
yay
1st to comment
Not quite!
Awww….not quite!!
Sorry try again.lol.
now joining the “not quite” bandwagon!
NOT QUITE!
first to comment yay!I’ll be back.
sometimes you have to kiss many frogs to find your prince. A lot of gullible girls are also very naive in thinking they can change a dude – which i hope everyone knows is foolish.
That said, sharp girl or not, i’d like to imagine most girls, good or bad, would like to settle down with a good guy.
On a flip side of things, i hear there’s a growing trend of open marriages these days, where the couple agree to catch trips with other but set certain boundaries like, no kissing but you can do everything else, or you can do whatever you like but use protection. it’s a crazy world out there…
http://www.msluffa.wordpress.com
watz with being first self? i never hear as them they give award ooo!
i concur with Jayla,reformed bad boys are the best if anything the sweetest!!! (dancing )
well, there is something alluring about a “bad guy”. I am my fiancee’s third girlfriend in an office of about 70 staff…ok maybe first girlfriend but 3rd sleeping mate. A lot of people thought i was setting myself up for heart ache….but i found out that he was trapped in these never ending affairs and what have you.
Every bad boy needs a “right girl”
i totally agree with ur friend…….smart girls know what dey want and go for ….while in d oda hand gullible girls there to grab as much as they can…no matter the circumstances…good or bad…….but truly “bad” guys have been der done dat so its easier for them to retract than goody 2 shoes who may one day want to walk on the other side…..and rebrand himself…lol
Abeg, give me a nice and boring guy any day. I keep trying to tell guys that not ALL girls want bad guys. It’s a shame that I always meet guys after they have decided to stop being nice. Me I run for cover when I meet bad guys. I don’t understand the allure…I don’t like drama.
-Nice & boring girl
So true! meet them after they are done being nice. well too bad NEXT!!
Completely agree with you. Nice and reserved (not boring) guy anyday. But the reality is nice guys want bad girls so aren’t interested in the nice girls. Problem is these girls are usually out of their league or busy chasing a bad boy. Only people getting a rough deal really are nice girls.
Also your male friend’s views are quite simplistic – there’s more to it than smarts. Even the smartest chicks have been ‘charmed’ by bad boys.
LOL !@ tatafo, i no fit laff sha… u try my sista. In d search for fun and adventurous guys, we get it all wrong. Girls!!!! Pleas wake up!!!!!!!! There’s nothing like a reformed bad guy. Thinking u could change a bad guy doesn’t work, kiling yourself over a guy….uhn uhn (shaking my head) it doesn’t work, i have been there and done dat and am speaking from experience. He who has ears let him HEAR!!!!
Ehen, this is for ndi “love is blind”…..“Sharp girls know better than to fall in love with their eyes closed, their own version of love is not blind”.
Even the biblical description never added blindness and foolishness to the qualities of love. I rationalize issues like hell and even pray like mad when it comes to relationships. With that blessed human intuition and common sense plus God’s mercies one can flee from this good girl vs bad guy syndrome. Every other challenge seen in the relationship will also be taken care of by these two necessities….
i cant help but chuckle at their own version,,,,even in 1 Corithians, there’s nothing like love is blind’ ehehehehehehehe. LOLEST
biggest lol…. hahaha
Whatever you ask for, shall you receive. When did being boring and overly nice become worse than “HEARTBREAK, and PHYSICAL ABUSE”? Well, your journey begins once your choice is made… So choose wisely, ladies…
As a sharp girl, bad guys are only good for one thing, and that is flings. Serious relationships? lol, no way. Marriage? Definitely not. Why marry someone where “game recognize game”? I will marry a goody two shoes, never a bad guy. Eyes have opened past that one. You dont need misery for the next 40+ years.
You can say that again! Totally agree!
u jst made sense joor…id rather choose a broken relationship dan a broken marriage
I had one experience with a bad guy wannabe. Well, let say we never made it to relationship because I didn’t chase him or burged to bring myself to his level. Sorry I got used to guys keep it straight forward, direct. I got used to guys that call. Guys that are truely genine when the say sorry. I got used to Guys who knows that I get pissed off when they think they know what I want to hear. The funny thing is that I liked this wannabe bad guy for something good in his personality and character. Omo men, solid guys are the best. And solid guys know being a bad guy is just being plain mumu. A bad guy is so easy to be played if you don’t fall for him; a bad guy is easy to use. Bad guys are major magas. look well, well at these bad guys. You will see there aint nothing to a misbehaving grown male adult(bad boy) than insecurity. Who wants an insecure bafoon or to like them. Check out the solid guys(they got plenty swagger, a better sense of self worth). Bad guys don’t have a sense of self worth complete. They are still figuring themselves out. Ladies look well, you will see.
True!
well said…couldnt have said it better
As in chibaby….. u went in 4 the kill…my thoughts exactly….
gbam! you’ve said it.
@Jayla…….You’re so right. the reformed bad boys are the best anyone can have.
Yeah, some guys can be really boring. Their phone calls last for eternity, and ‘so how are you?’ pops up every second after long minutes of uncertain silence. But i dont believe every boring guy is a good one anymore than i believe the ‘bad’ ones necessarily come with a long string of broken hearts in their wake. Generally i dont think am blind when it comes to matters of the heart. There are good guys there who know how to excite the butterflies too. As Jayla said, those repented ‘bad’ guys are interesting.
like your friend said, there are sharp vs gullible..lol! Its cool to hang out with the bad guys & stuffs, I just keep them as friends, I love fun & happening male friends but at the end of the day I date guys who are in between, not bad nor boring goody… !
well,Girls generally lyk adventure. dats y dey will always go for d bad guys.rememba EVE in d bible,she was seekin fo adventure ,she ate d FRUIT.i bet dats still part of d punishment; falling fo d bad guys dat knw the good guysssssssssssssssssssss,just sayin,,,
most ladies dont know what they really want, they think they the want the fun and interesting moments from the so called bad guy, and when they get that they still find themselves craving the normal routine life from the boring guy……we cant eat our cake and have it
It really boils down to one thing… Most people want what they cant have… The ad boy brushes them off and the good boy bows to them… They want a challenge so go 4 the bad boy.
http://www.th3rdculture.wordpress.com
Interesting read….could it be that woman like the ‘chase’ almost as much as men do?….
Personally, bad guys are way more fun…!!! i will put it this way and i hope u get my point;
‘ Bad guys are like the coke, burgers, chess, crack etc we all know are bad for us but sometimes find ourselves indulging anyways. If we are lucky, they don’t cause so much damage before we realize they are REALLY not good for us. At this point, we retrace our steps, eat more vegetables and drink more water (good guys). But then again, we still have crack addicts and obese people today…..go figure’.
When it comes to the business of marriage tho, we just settle for the good ones and hope to good their fun and naughty side comes out or hell, we will teach them how the bad guys do it!!
.
lol, on point!
*hope to God*
I dnt find Nice guys boring… I dnt like drama..
Lol @ the girl that launches a mission to change a guy, when will ladies learn that that is a near-impossibility. I’ve had my bad boy experience, but to be honest, I wasn’t in love with him. I was just in it for the thrill. there was something irresistible about him and I think I was irresistible to him too lol! We were bad for each other and if there’s one word to describe our relationship it would be DRAMA!! He always said I was the only one that could put him in his place that other girls just put up with his BS without a word. One thing I never tried to do was to get him to change, I just let him be altho I knew when to call him to order but after a while I got fed up and broke up with him. Ironically, I missed the drama when we split. He begged and we got back together after a few months but as you would expect, it was back to square one. The more aloof I became, the more he wanted me and vice versa…it was just sad really. We still very civil and polite to each other but I know I won’t be getting back with him for the sake of my blood pressure.
In our case, I’d say he was the bad guy but I was the smart girl
bad boys are a waste of time.
no girl wants to date a boring guy. the good guys should just try and be interesting, its really not much to ask for……….
ouch! it hurts cos it happens over and over again. I’ve experienced this before and i had to break up with the guy. now i’ve learnt to be smart and have my eyes opened and cleared out.
I WISH THE GOOD CALM AND NICE ONES WLD COME MY WAY
Not quite.LMAO!!!!
I agree with you, Temi. I was once victim to this.
I’m so in the same situation right now, I’m feeling this ridiculously bad boy at the moment even though I’m very much aware (very ooh) that dude is just a horrific idea, while good guy is patiently waiting for me to see sense…and if I don’t see sense soon, some other sharp girl will take good guy away…lol
Often it’s an insecurity issue. We gravitate towards what we are familiar with. Several ladies in Nigeria today will confess that their fathers sdid not affirm them when they were young. they didn’t help them see the queen that lay within. Instead they were abusive and serial philanderers . As a parent you can preach to your child till the cows come home, it’s what they see you do they will emulate. And so good girls without realising it are drawn to men like their fathers. It takes a conscious decision and a helathy dose of God’s grace to break this vicious cycle. Then again being in a relationship with a bad guy ofetn helps us to clearly see and snap up the next good guy when he comes along
True!
tola u couldnt have said it any better. despite my strict upbring i always want those bad ones i think they are more interesting or perharps all my twenty something years i have been this church church girl and i feel like seeing a guy with similar perspective is overly boring.
Attraction is a powerful thing and these bad guys have it that they know how to thrill, women (good and bad alike) get bored with routine they love the thrill that these bad guys seem to have but with experience now I know these good guys have some badness in them, its up to us women to explore. Just like the saying dont judge a book by its cover, wise girls know this
Ladies are just so adventurous
The eternal question, abi? Why do good girls fall for bad guys? I think your friend is right… That whole “good girl” thing is overrated… Girls tend to get up to some “bad” stuff when their friends are not around to judge. The distinction between smart and gullible makes more sense. I think the good/bad guy distinction is wrong too sha. As a guy, it’s either you’re dull or interesting. End of story. There are men who are perfectly gentlemanly and respectful but are also witty, fun to talk to and can literally keep you hooked on conversation for hours. At the same time, there are the serial fornicators who can’t hold a twenty minute conversation to save their lives- just constantly relying on “fine boy” to get them girls. The so-called good guys that people assume women don’t like are the boring cowards. The one stuck in the friend zone that likes you and never says anything. The one that agrees with everything you say in order to seem sweet and non-confrontational. The one with no balls. The one that’s not challenging. There is a difference between being nice, and having no backbone. I think it’s the latter that we girls don’t like.
Gbim…..this is the ish! well said funmi, well said
Yes oh! got me a calm, ‘good’ guy who knows how to set the roof on fire once in a while…Lord save me from bad boys and their wahalla! been there, done that, got the Tshirt, mug, cap and scars to prove it…
i like your comments jare…you hit the nail straight
men funmi am sure u wuld talk alot.GOSH to save their lives look at that allegory
lol @ ‘reformed bad boys’…
this is just happening to me rit now …i need advice to handle it
That is why they are “girls” and not women. A woman is mature and knows what’s best for her. She know she deserves to be happy. I rather have a man love me more than I love him. It’s safer.
This why we have to find other ways to define a woman and not how curvy she is/ her ability to cook etc. we don’t define a real man based on what’s between his legs. We define a real man based on his level of maturity.
Lol @ reformed bad boys…there’s some truth to that. I also agree with Jane; I know enough not to let some man toy with my emotions. I suppose your friend is right about ‘sharp girls’. I like a guy with self-assured swag, informed conversational skills, a witty sense of humor, and tons of niceness to boot. I am too old for games and running after some dude to make him like me; if he’s running those damn cliched pick-up lines, not picking calls in my presence & exhibiting general douche-bag behavior, deuces. And I hope nice guys know that they don’t necessarily finish last with REAL women.
Lol. It took me forever to realize that there is nothing wrong with “safe”. I see girls all the time talking (slightly enviously) about how that girls man treats her like a queen. How Ada is so lucky to have a man like Emeka, how they wish God will change their current boyfriend. Akuko!
Newsflash, Amaka chose the safe route and is reaping the benefits. Continue chasing “butteflies” in your stomach and waiting for him to change. Palm oil will turn green before that happens.
#Gbam
Gbosa!
fummi has said it all. while i dont want a philandering casonovic, walking pen*s, i dont want someone who hangs onto my every word, is afraid to take me down a peg or two, is a boring, conformist, cant hold a conversation, afraid to look me in the eyes….jeez. the list is endless. pls who wants that? i am a strong woman, engaging, witty, intelligent with a penchant for ‘kick ass’ in me. dating that boring fellow is just suicide. he has to have a zing. not a lightening bolt, just a zing! yeah, i can settle for that
yup, i can relate. was in the same situation, was hanging around this sleazebag waiting for him to realize that I was the best thing that could ever happen to him….duh, while i had this perfectly, wonderful “”good guy” who was begging for my attention, It was the same story, i thought this good boy was too dry, and didn`t have enough “swag” like the fool i was drooling for. And you know the bad thing? these bad guys use the poor girls to feed their egos, whenever i build up the nerve to leave, he comes to beg, he just felt good having me adore him…….NONSENSE, i finally had the sense to finally tell the ANUMPAM to go to hell. And of course, my good boy was waiting in the wings to love me back to health, and surprisingly, he’s so much fun, he`s just a bit reserved, but behind closed doors when we are together, he can make me laugh till i beg for mercy, and he actually knows a bit of everything from politics to entertainment, while treating me like a goddess. Thank God for “liberating” me. And today I`m engaged to my good guy and we will be getting married soon. (give the good guy a chance, he may have some pleasant surprises up his sleeve) > dont try to change the bad guy, he`ll only end up shredding your self esteem, and you`ll loose all confidence, by making you believe that you don’t deserve anything better than what his lousy self has to offer.
Good on u babes… well done and God bless your union.:)… I love my goody two shoes guys… they can so deep and offer me…
Onyi ur very rite. i am just coming out from one terrible one dst left me feeling so terrible, it took away my self esteem. i just pray for the good guy to come n liberate me like u
omg i loooveee bad boys there this thrill they give me i dunno what it is but i just love em
me too!
plus her does not have to come reformed id do the reforming
would be my pleasure
Good doesn’t mean boring though. I see girls/ ladies just like drama sha.
ahahah @ Indomie,that`s the problem with the ladies of this generation.It takes patience and God`s mercy to get a good man.Chasing a man with swagger or dagger or whatever will always lead you into several heartbreaks.If only some are wise enough to know that for every man out there,there are at least 3 babes..!.
I believe your friend is absolutely correct! .. smart vs gullible .. weigh the pros and cons .. bad guys thrill??? i guess i’ll never understand that .. choosing to be treated like a trash instead of a queen or lady or … ??? .. don’t make no sense at all .. biko .. where is my microscope bottle glasses with installed ultrasound scan .. lol .. that’s wat i have oh .. blind ko ..blind ni
Hhahaha..I think some people are mistaken good guys for ‘dull’ guys. A bad guy can be dull too. You know the one, the one that treats your friend so good but quietly hints at you whenever he gets the chance. Or the one that constantly needs attention and relies on his looks/pocket to get girls but take that away and he’s just as bland.
Then there the full blown bad boys(aka players). Most people can spot these ones from a mile away. Everything about him is smooth and suave (as is his rate of heartbreaking). Some girls go for them maybe because of the thrill of having what seems to be hard to own. Or wanting to be the one who ‘holds him down’.
Now this ‘reformed’ players are the one who seem to meet either a fellow playgirl or meet a girl they think has been so hard to get, then calm down and get married but after the wedding, it’s only the grace of God that you’ll be able to predict what they do when you’re looking.
My friends always wonder how come i seem to have guys eating out of my palm and been so sweet. Two ways; stay away from the players until *if* and when they get reformed. I have no time to waste reforming anybody. You see those so called ‘dull’ guys? They’re not so dull when you get to know them and if they really are, you can mold them how you want them to be and all the other girls seem not to notice them UNTIL you make them the way you want them to be. IMO
Exactly! Best comment so far IMO. I owe u a cold bottle of zobo. Bad isnt necessarily fun or fun-to-be-with. Lets get this straight ladies. Its just like how guys would say they want a lady in public but a tiger in the bedroom, u can never go wrong with being with a good guy. Love, attention, loyalty/faithfulness, treating ur family well, but most of all, respect. And who says he cant be a “bad” guy when ur with him, huh?
True talk! Most of those ‘dull’ guys are just reserved when in public. And they’re the ones that also seem to be waaay more generous (for those chics who love money). The playboys are too busy sharing their one million among 100 girls while the good guy gives you all of his 100k.
Lol @ bottle of zobo! You’re so funny!
@Funmi spot on.
You forgot to mention something………Forget bad or good guys……..Lagos girls are more interested in RICH guys lol.
Bad boys= USERS, HEADACHE, WAHALA, ISSUES, DRAMA, HEARTACHE!
Smart girls know that.
@ amethyst u r on a very long thing rite dere plus pls don’t decieve urselves women,we don’t stay “reformed” for too long…
(nods wisely)..exactly!
Haha, nice one…ladies- quite funny the way our minds work, n how is it that it’s the forbidden things that are always more attractive?! lol!…although i think there are good guys that can be equally charming.
But it all boils down to whether you want to be realistic or you want to keep living in a world of fantasy(in which case, u go be mumu)….if the guy is bad get real, n leave him behind!
Girls always want d bad guys 4 swing bt when it coms 2 marriage they settle 4 d dull guy dat will do their bidings
Bee you are right Lagos girls need only rich guys who will shower them them gifts. That is the kind of men they wants no the one who shower them with love and passion. Ladies you need a man who will treat you like a queen, someone who will love you and never wanna live without you. There is more to bad guys, talking about bad guys who treat his woman right and who is bad in exploiting her sexuality or bad guy who play around with ladies heart.
I’m not a bad guy and not a good guy but I’m cocky and funny….Girls wanna be around me all the time lol,,,One tips for guys ,,Never tell a girl… I love u…. Show her u care and make her wonder if you really love her or not……It works like charm
You sound like a bad guy
That’s just silly abeg. You’re pretty much just making them insecure.hiss
So girls still want bad guys?! I laugh. Is the ones that haven’t learnt
ok, to the Writer, your friend made a point by distingushin btw gullible girls and smart girls but in the end, the fact still remains that these so called ‘cool bad guys’ are LIARS!! why have to lie to get in bed with someone??!! if these ‘gullible’ ones decide to believe what you say, it’s cos they don’t feel that anyone on this EARTH has any reason to lie, if that makes them gullible that they chose to believe these guys who wanna sleep with every available p**** out there, then they are the gullible and weak ones, weak enough to want sex, they are weak cos they’d lie for sex, they are weak cos they willin to compromise their health for one night of exstasy,, puh lease gullible and smart my ass, your friend said that cos he’s just like those guys and he wants as much pussy in this lifetime as he can get….i praise and clap my hands for so much as givin those guys a chance, they gave them a chance and those guys blew it….you know what in the end, it all comes down to KArma…and it’s gonna bite these guys asses BIG time, and because of these liars, every man, scrtach that, every GOOD man has been misrepresented and now those ‘gullible’ girls will find it very very hard to trust any other guy that approches them, so yea, so-called mr Bad, some of us that has been gullible enouh, are NO MORE gullible…that’s the best learnin experience they could give women, thereby creatin monsters…you know what writer, that’s just your point of view, and it’s wack!!
I had this particular discussion with a friend of mine about 2 weeks ago. I was telling my friend that all my life, most guys that fancied me, I didn’t like.. And that was because I didn’t like it when a guy is all over me and I often feel accomplished when I work hard to get a guy. Most times, I’m drawn to guys that aren’t bothered about me. She confessed being like that too. We came to a conclusion that it only makes sense to date a guy who is crazy about you than chase the ones who do not care about you. I have missed my chances of being with genuine guys because I was too busy craving bad guys..that had left me single for a long time. Right now, all I want is a good man who can make me happy.
I think most of the time girls like the bad guys as these are the guys with ‘Swag’. They are usually the good looking ones, the happening guys. On the other hand, the Mr Nice guy is the one who is either not soo good looking ,too short or too thin..! Every girl wants the bad guy at first but experience teaches that most of the bad guys just brings with them too much heart ache!
I once dated a bad boy, I knew he was bad for me cuz we were complete opposites….but I still went in like a sacrificial lamb….did I get burnt real bad? I sure did…..this dude treated me like crap and killed almost all myself esteem….it was so difficult to let go…but the moment I truly made up my mind to move on…I found my good boy (Who said good guys aren’t any fun?) Anyways the so-called bad boy has been trying to come back…but he sure well knows this road is closed cus I’m so in love with my good boy and would be getting married to him soon!!!! So if you just give the good boy a chance u’ll find out that underneath that exterior there’s a wonderful man inside!!!!
Whether bad or good……..just marry a God-fearing man and trust me! You are home free……….lol
@ Onyinye, go gurl! I’m totally with u on dat. The “good guys” might seem dull cuz their “fun mode” only gets activated when they meet the “smart gurls” who know how to bring out the best in them. As for me, I am a super smart gurl, bring me the good-dull guy, I’ll show you how interesting he can be. *winks*
At least 90% of every woman that has been in a relationship….where did the author get her numbers from…..
love dis post comment later
Anyways… this my own two dollar.. lol
Who cares about bad/good/ugly/handsome/rich etc. its like whatever man.. Bored and tired of talking about men, am sure there is more to this life than men, men and men…
I dont understand the concept of bad and good guys… like how can u say someone is bad??? do u mean they lack virtuous duties i.e. respect for women, intelligence, they cheat, lack consideration etc. if this is the case, they are not bad, they just have bad qualities that attract women that have similar triats or qualities to them. No two ways about it… U attract what u are… if u are fool u will attract a fool, if u are supercool u will attract supercool… It is only dirty stuff that attracts a fly. My point, i dont care about who is bad or not, u can only have bad qualities that makes one supposedly “bad”… including polluted up mentality..
In relations to good guys, if u mean they are boring, lack swagger, not cool etc. It simply means what u find interesting is different from what they find interesting… after all boring means different terms to everyone. They might not be ur typical trend guys, but they have more to offer i.e. intelligence, constructive conversations, worthwhile advice… but then again why would a girl find them attractive.. when they lack such qualities themselves.. truth be told, its just excuses to do what u want..
There are great guys out there that a nice, calm maybe a version of what u call good.. but they are incredible if u are patient enough.
In conclusion, there is nothing such as bad or good. Everything created by God is good. people just have polluted up mentalities, ideologies (influenced by society, peer pressure etc)which is reflected in attitudes and character that translates to how they behave etc. . Renew ur mind and you will see a difference..
Kia this world is filthy.. I wonder how our children will be innocent… (Thats me being deep, sha God have mercy)…
i totally connect with doll on that situation.
Wow! Can’t believe i read all the comments through. We all have our conceptions of “bad/good guy” but ladies pls, when u must choose a serious long-term partner, go for d one who would always respect u and won’t break ur heart. If u don’t feel d butterflies, work it up! At d end of d day, u wld hav had a secure relationship that got better with age rather than one with instant fireworks n a heartbreak souvenir.
I don’t think it’s so much being gullible. I think it has a lot to do with maturity. The older I get the less appealing the “bad guy” is. Originally the appeal was man, this is the guy that all the girls want or with the nicest clothes and car and he chose me. And yes I think it is a little bit of the idea that he will change just for you. Also I found that the nice guys couldn’t deal with my attitude I was always called mean. lol. The bad guys didn’t require much. And after I sat and thought about this I realized that people who have good things going for themselves want to be aroung people doing the same so yeah they would require you have your own goals. I mean to each is own I just think females need to realize people dont change because other people want them to. If someone vaules relationships they make the changes they need to make before involving anyone else. Now I go for the guy that has a life and goals and is passionate about sonething in life doesn’t matter if it’s work, excercise, school whatever…this shows he has the capability to be passionate about a relationship as well.
The bad boys are douche bags who deserve to be shown that “no be only dem smart pass”. The only one that crossed my paths some years back got a taste of his own medicine. Lets jus say i set up a nude pic of him with some babe n made it look so real, like he picked up an ashy and both of them after getting high and frisky decided to take obscene pics. I sent it to all chics on his fb [as he was silly enuff not to put his fb on privacy],plus the ones he had foolishly opened his mouth to say he had something with and also to work colleagues. Boy was he truly embarrassed and ashamed as they all thought it was true. Lesson learnt he won’t open his mouth to yarn dust next time. Even good gals to fit treat bad boys eff up! LOL!!!!
hmmmm either all my comments has been deleted or it was not posted… if it was deleted then I think i will reconsider being honest… looks like BN cant stand it. maybe they want particular type of readers… dont know.. just simply assuming.. as my comments have been deleted or not approved to appear on this page… It is all good..
Hiya, your comments were not deleted. There was a backlog of comments on the moderation list. Thanks!
BY the way there is no such thing as good/bad etc…it is just unecessary…
i concur with Jayla! “reformed” ones are definitely de best and so everly sexy! (closing my eyes, lol). my boyfriend was a well known woman wrapper and a deuch b4 we started dating. then i just wanted a fling with him and move on becus i didnt think he was tameable. however, he ended up falling crazingly in love with me. i honestly still dont remeber trying anything – but i LOVE de fact that am that girl who holds the remote control in this r/ship and also loving de fact that he became “reformed” in my hands lol. am extremely proud of my achievement!
we’v been 2gether for nearly 6years now! he’s so experience at all his bad ways! …oops!
“Reformed bad boys ” any day!!!
He was a good guy, chased the hell out of my life, I even felt like i will “spoil him” over time we really got along and i eventually said yes, telling myself i was going for character and not trivial things. I felt like i was in the best relationship of my life, 15 months down the line bros DUMPED me. I almost died of shock. So writer, Am I a gullible or smart girl?
I honestly dont think a girl is either smart/gullible or a guy good/bad, what i have learnt is that you never know who people are and how they would react to certain circumstances until that time comes. so my advice is that we watch and pray b4 giving any guy our heart
Its all relative, every situation is unique. I dated the *baddest* guy, went thru it all plus having my friends remind me every week that it’ll all be over next week
We’ve been married six years with two beautiful children and it is STILL one heck of a ride!!!
The following comments showed the best grasp, in my view of how these things work
Funmi May 13, 2011 at 6:53 PM
Nikky May 14, 2011 at 1:38 AM
amber rose May 13, 2011 at 9:49 PM
NOTE TO ‘GOOD WOMEN’ The following points should serve as a rough guide
1. Not every engaging thrilling and magnetic man (swaga-ti-poju guy) will be a serial cheat who uses and abuses women
2. Some spineless, boring and inarticulate pushovers will be manipulative, egregiously unfailthful and abusive
3. The the proverbial BAD GUY as well as the GOOD GUY can both be classified into two broad types: the CIRCUMSTANTIAL and the DEFINITIVE
a) The Definitive Bad Guy (DBG) stays almost consistently true to nature and cannot be ‘reformed’ (for the most part)
b)Circumstantial Bad Guys tend (DBG) to be reformable, for example “Almost Capable May 14, 2011 at 5:47 PM” and will turn into GOOD GUYS if they meet the appropriate girl who may be either Good or Bad.
c) Circumstantial Good Guys (CGG) can also change and become rather unreliable in their judgement of what is good and acceptable behaviour toward their women
d) Definitive Good guys will usually stay constant and continue to exhibit noble and principled behaviours through their lifetime
At the end of the day, you must do your homework in finding out where they stand.
NOTE: There can be other classifications that model this interesting phenomenon.
http://www.tosinsmiles.com
married to a reformed bad boy!
he’s got both gud and bad swag (excluding womanizing, drinking & smoking).
trust me (smart gurl) …. just enjoying both sides of my coin.
The so-called smart girls were once gullible fyi ….
so what about the good guys and BAD girls syndrome, lets talk about that too, cos its a 50/50 thing. we the guys also fall victim of this. thanks all
hmmn i tink it all boils down to wat u want in or from a guy.trust me d choices u make live with u.plus u can have a lil of both in one guy.i tink everybody both male n female shud be spontaneous,but have serz moments too. if u spend d rest of ur life wit sum1 hu sends butterflies down ur spine, its so kl.life is short, n u have to b happy always.
exhausted from reading these responses, pleasssssssssssssssssssssse a bottle of COLD zobo should do!
…..hmmm,u guys jt helped sumone wit ur comments.tnks.
@miss face and nikky u re absolutely correct.
reformed bad boys…. hmmm is it possible well i dont think bad guys can change they only get smarter with tricks d bad guys are for thrills n d good guys for keeps n av heard (and seen it proven) that opposite attracts so if u wanna get a good guy, be a bad girl
am a guy and am laffn my head off. Luk at d multitude claimin luv 4 a good guy.dt is a huge lie! Girls wd always lv a bad guy!wtf is a reformed bad guy?u must b sleepn on an okada!i’v learnt never 2 date a girl who is in it 4 a bad guy,d end up comin bk 4m d bad guy wt a broken heart and more.my mum wd say if u cant pound in d mortar pls pound on d floor!all na poundn!
Well dis just goes to prove that science might apply 2 man, where opposites attract and like charges repel. Most times we feel we need a little spice here and there as we say “something different”. Well different is not always the best.. Be wise ladies u only get 2 live ur life once.. No time 4 rehearsals. God help us o!!
am in a similar predicament i have this nice guy who is head over heels for me i have feelings for him but i dont think i dat attracted to him cos i really dnt like kissing him on the other hand is a guy i am attracted to a guy who is off and on. i dont know if the thrill is d fact dat he isnt head over heels with me, kissing him is ………..heavenly…… i dont need a bad guy but i just need a guy am attracted too……….. is that too hard
hmmmmmn…i agree that good girls are naturally attracted to bad guys even when they’ve had bitter experiences with them in d past,they are still drawn to them which is coz they always know what we ladies want and want to hear and they always know what to say and what to do while we find the good guys boring ,slow and annoying, and before we know it we find ourselves falling for d bad guys over and over again which is not our fault but we just can’t help it, its our makeup! but really what ever happened to the nice guys?
Cos girls are dumb. My ex was literally the best boyfriend in the world. He was my friend, stood for my antiques, curious moodswings and mestrual madness. He always toldme how he felt about me but like a girl, I blew it and we broke up. We still remain tight but I without doubt envy the lucky babe that has him now.
i guess deep down inside we all seek for that fun and excitement, that va va voom in a relationship, and only realise a little too late (most times) that he is never going to become what you want him to be…..what made u fall for him in the first place, will end up being the reason you leave him .
like a friend of mine said ” here is my foolish heart, i know u will be break it, but break it gently” lol
I am a very good guy (as in very good) but there is always this notion that am gentle, dull and calm. With this my nature, i don’t get girls around despite the fact that all those necessary things are present ( money, very good car, job e.t.c).
When i learnt about being bad and sweet talking some time ago, i tried it and always get babes around but my Godly virtues wont allow me to be bad. Even if i try to be bad, i will get back so fast cos its my nature to be Godly, calm, gentle, over caring and good.
Despite the fact that am calm, gentle and all that, i know within myself and have been told that am so sweet and romantic. Then i talk to myself and my spirit, rather than go bad and have girls all around me, i prefer to remain good and Godly and have none by me. Its just against my Godly virtues to break a lady’s heart, have serial dates or lie to her just because i want to have fun with her.
To the gurls who like bad guys, we good guys are not moved. After you get dumped, you say all men are bad but its the kind of guys you go for. I can never raise my hand or tongue lash a fellow guy not to talk of raising my hand against a lady…
There are always options, you can go for the bad ones or the good ones. Whatever we get is what we bargained for. Conclusively, hope we youths know what Phillipians 1:6 says? He who has started a good work in you will complete it…. It means God will not complete what He does not start. He will only complete what He started. If you go into a relationship without God (just bcos hes got all those swaggs), the end may not be desirable. A colleague had a problem and when she told me, the first thing the Holy Spirit asked me to ask her was that ‘did she inform Him before she went into it’
God help me, i must not have fun in this world and lose my heaven. I pray to you my father, if it remains a day for me to go astray, please save me and any other person who needs your help. Amen
I’m going to share a personal experience online… the person in question does not have to see this. I met a boy in my freshman year in university, I had a boyfriend and was in a stable relationship, so suffice it to say I was relatively stable emotionally. We became fast friends. I pride myself in the fact that I am selectively intuitive which is my term for spotting the bad guys before they spot me, and according to the author, I am a sharp girl. He never said any sweet word to me and he never tried to be nice to me i weighted all my pros and cons and decided he was not worth liking to me. I fought against it with all my heart and mind, until I had to give up the fight. I really fell for him. Although it was headfirst. it’s so much fun for me because I see it as an experience and although we may never go out, i don’t know what to do about it, three years along the line, i am suffering the pains in silence…
Iv had my own share.Truth is the bad guy catches the girl at a time when she is naive.A bad guy can smell game from a distance.Its rare that he eventually falls in love with a good girl but it happens.Women are emotional and it takes a strong personality and the grace of God to resist the charm of a bad guy.I learnt about personality traits and realised it wasnt really my fault I can fall for a bad guy and my twin sister can never.Its not really bout gullible or sharp,its the personality trait.A sanguine is most likely to fall more than the melancholist…..
FYI bad guys e argood as boyfriends, good guys are better as husbands!!
I hate being the good guy always feeling like i am not needed. I say this cuz right now i really care for this woman and have let her know but she continues after this ” bad guy”. I was almost about to tell myself maybe you need to be bad for someone to like you but i can’t stand being a guy who looks at a girl like a piece of meat. So i am glad i got on here cuz this is really reassuring letting me know that good guys don’t finish last they just last. And hearing the majority of the posts say they want a good guy in the end makes me feel alot better. I know where to look every time i feel like i am gonna change. Like they say better late than never. Btw can anyone help with advice on girls up until i wont have to wait?
Oga Googy Goody, keep deceiving your-self. BTW I dont encourage looking at another human being as a piece of meat – I just dont pay them any heed.
In d real sense of it bad guyz stinks!
I ve been dere and done dat.
It seem i ve signed an invincible pact to alwayz meet ‘them’ bad guys.
all ve these rampant traits.. arent alwayz there,appears and disappears at their will.feed his ego with your ‘insecurity’ of not having them close.alwayz ve a way of sweeping you off your feet the next time he shows up.alwayz seem to have all the right reply plus excuses.so sure of themselves that you are alwayz sitting patiently in the corner waiting for their return..
Never seem to cal or text except for their selfish reason.he could go for a break without telling u its break time.
It a ridiculous waste of strenght, energy,time and even tears..
I wud rather do with the cool headed ones ..wey their eye dey down..
”Bad guys” are so fun to be with, they make things interesting unlike the good ones that are super boring. whatever the case may be, a good guy is mist def a keeper, while the bad guys are for fun
trust me, I’ve dated enof bad boys to last me a life time but am so done. am dating a so called boring guy but he treats me like his queen and u can make him ave fun wit u, his just reserved not boring really. i mean the world to him and we’re getting married soon. most tyms we deceive ourselves by thinking we can change a guy, no body can change anybody. if u want to be happy and treated right i think we all know the rite kind of guy to date. trust me there’s nothing like a man who respects, adorns and treats u right. only then can u sleep with ur eyes closed. shine ur eyes ladies!
The commentators on bellanaija are just the bomb! Reading only an article is always incomplete without reading all the “commentaries”.I once dated this bad guy who thought he was God’s gift to women,is full of stories about all the projects he’s executing,sits his ass at home when other sane,smart “good guys” are out making a living.Chases any fine thing in skirt.To add insult to injury,whenever i asked him to drop me off at someplace,he’ll remember to ask me to lend him a few change to buy fuel(with all d gigantic phantom projects he’s executing).
To cut a long story short,i gave him the boot after about a month.I needed no soothsayer to tell me that he was just a “fine douchebag”.And i’ve also been more careful ever since.Bad fine boys are just bad news and a waste of precious productive time.
whats the definition of a bad guy, can some1 pls tell me?