Understanding Women Beta By Doug E. Douglas
Posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2012 at 2:16 PMBy BellaNaija.com
An ideal title to this title would be Not Understanding Women 2.0 and you’ll see what I mean.
You see, I have read so many articles recently stating that there aren’t “real men” anymore and that modern day men are too ‘sissy’ and ‘metrosexual’. Quite frankly, this is confusing as there are a number of things that have changed since the last time “men were men”. Women have equal opportunities for jobs these days and a good number of them make a decent bundle. The stereotype of the “man’s man” of the times past would have been hit with several sexual discrimination lawsuits in recent times so, that makes it rather confusing.
Bear with me as I rant many things I find mind-boggling about women.
I know a lot of women that complain about the scarcity of “good guys” and the funny thing about this assertion is that these same women complain that “good guys” are boring and they are more excited by ‘bad guys‘. A friend told me a little while ago that her “boyfriend” was too good to her! ”Too good to her”? What does that even mean? It doesn’t come as a big surprise that the said girl was cheating on her “too good” boyfriend at the time. She felt she needed the excitement of being with a more exciting and dangerous guy. What I find funny about all of this is that after dating a couple of bad guys, she will run back into the arms of a good guy (well, up until she needs excitement again).
Another thing that irks me is the fact that women proceed to change everything about their man soon after they start dating. One minute, you want a “spontaneous, outgoing, funny guy” but as soon as you start dating him, you start nagging about all the things that attracted you to him in the first place. So the spontaneous, outgoing, funny guy eventually becomes a predictable, introverted (let’s not forget a word many women like using) boring chap. Of course, she resumes the nagging about how much he has changed during the relationship.
Women complain all day about how all men are dogs and can’t be trusted. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the question, who are the females these “dogs” sleep with? I don’t have statistics to back this up but I strongly believe women cheat as much as men. Friends with benefits and side chick relationships are common place. Its not like we menfolk are complaining but it’s a bit unfair for us to take all the stick, right?
Some other women want the strong, domineering type of man that will control them. You know those type of men are one step away from being abusive partners right? You can’t expect someone to be in control of your whole life and not expect that person to abuse the privilege.
I believe that until the day women can really take the initiative, we can’t be discussing equality. How many women can really walk up to a guy to ask him out? How many women can really have a casual sexual relationship with a guy and not get emotionally tangled?
Yes I said it… How many women? Most women want to be wooed, wined and dined while they consider whether or not the guy has a fighting chance to get with her. That same guy will persevere for a couple of months till the woman eventually gives in, only to find out she isn’t all that. By this time, the tables have turned and the female is more desperate to hold on to “her man” and the guy is thinking about moving on. Truth is, no matter how you want to see it, the man possesses all the initiative, thus, he is in an advantageous position at all times. If women don’t want to be victims, they need to seize the initiative in the war of the sexes.
Photo Credit: Getty Images | cio.co.ke|madamenoire.com
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Understanding Women Beta by Doug E. Douglas is a feature written by men and we hope other men can relate to it. If guys have any thoughts they would like to share with BN readers please send an email to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com. We look forward to reading from you.
Tags: By Men
wow!!! this is something but true
Interesting piece! So i’m getting married in December to a born again that has decided to be celibate till the wedding night. Coming from a 4yr old relationship where my ex and I poke everyday, having a side-chic isn’t as bad as u made it seem. I tried staying off ‘poke’ for a while but i started developn acne (never had it before) and my Dr. friend said it was due to accummulation of spermatozoa. I thot it was a joke but d ‘poking’ worked better than NE-MEDROL!
My only prayer is ‘stopping after Dec 2012′ cos i really wanna be the most faithful husband in the world.
BTW, my fiancee complained about the acne ni oooooooooooooooo
Lol u did crack me up with ur diction, May God grant ur heart desires of bn a faithful hubby after ur wedding
*Blankest of all blank stares*
lol! Damojo is just eating his cake and having it. imagine having a virgin for ur girlfriend, and also getting it outside comfortably, dats just the icing on the cake. Anyways, as a young Nigerian girl, i have to say that, when u get married it is going to be very very difficult for ur wife to be able to live up to ur expectations and it’s quite obvious y. i am saying this from personal experience (cos i am a virgin as well tho not married). i hope u can remain faithful tho, cos i have had a few boyfriends in the past, and this same issue ruined it. My advice, pls try and discuss all the things u enjoy sexually with her, so dat she can get herself prepared and try abstaining too, ACNE or no ACNE. We all know its actually quite difficult for a girl to make up her mind and decide to remain a virgin in today’s world, so while she is doing her own part, do yours!!! if not you r going to be in for shock and dissapointment!!
Lmao Mr. Damojo, “you go dry alright” as my friends would say LOL . But your need to be faithful will keep you faithful. You have to decide that you want to be faithful more than you are afraid of being unfaithful. With that you shall have a beautiful marriage. I wish you the best.
But this is an amazing piece, I like it a lot looool it makes sense because I can just put a name from my friends to all the women described above *sigh* there is still hope.
oh my… so harsh but totally appreciate the angle you’re coming from.
there are a lot of silly women out there who are unsure of what they want but always think they do hence running from pillar to post.
with that said, to all my ladies: when you find a “good guy” hold on to him.
not easy 2 admitt…but true!
well i must say this is quite a catchy one here
I’m more interested in the handsome brothers depicted than I am in the Article itself….Who are these clean cut and wlel shaven men lolol
You probably just got the pics from some site anywayz lol!
Ok, I’ve got to admit, this is one of worst articles I’ve read on here.
It’s full of blatant generalisations, is boring and keeps me wondering “what was the point of this piece”??
I could go on and on about what I see wrong or false in this article, but that would take too long.
Almost sounds like a male rant!
took the words right outta my mouth!
i feel exactly the same way……
Damojo U̶̲̥̅̊ r so funny….I blame yor fiancee for stopping d sex cos it doesn’t make sence…but I also blame U̶̲̥̅̊! U̶̲̥̅̊ shuld av told her about yor predicament instead of going τ̅☺ sleep wit anoda babe. I am sure if U̶̲̥̅̊ had told her,she wuld av let U̶̲̥̅̊ sleep her. wat will U̶̲̥̅̊ go wen she puts τ̅☺ bed n U̶̲̥̅̊ can’t sex her for like two months! U̶̲̥̅̊ won’t b a faithful husband!
Damojo has never had sex with his fiancee, what he said was he was coming from a relationship of 4yrs where they poke like everyday. That said @faith i totally support you on the issue of his fidelity. It will be soooo hard for him to stay away from women most especially when his wife is preggers or few months after giving birth cos those are the period the sex drive for women reduces and men cheat more cos they feel their wives are not interested in sex anymore.
Now @the aritcle, I agree wiv all he wrote (though this doesn’t apply to all ladies) except for the last 2 paragraphs (don’t really see the sense in that). Just my opinion.
Faith, i tried to explain to her oh. I told her about my past and all the flings i have had. Her response, ” thats good, u will teach me alot when we are married”. Like say i be NACKSON. But jokes apart, i have tried and i have put a stop to all of the flings. But the funny thing is, when i even mention oral sex, she screams and say ”the same mouth i use to pray????”. i hope she learns fast sha…..But i thank God cos HE gave me a virgin!
LMAO @ NACKSON!!!! NAH SON! YOU CANT BE SERIOUS! IM DEAD FROM LAUGHING!
Damojo, God gave you a WHAT? A Virgin? So you can run around and inject your toti here and there but you are thanking God for giving you a virgin to marry? “Earning” a virgin will not keep anyone faithful, one has to decide and commit to being one. I swear when some Nigerians talk I want to wear a glove and squeeze their lips (I don’t know where your lips have been, honey). Dumb sh*t
I always tell Nigerian women, you rarely win when it comes to Nigerian men and their confusion. If you date them and don’t offer them your box, they say you don’t love them and they’ll cheat on you. But they still want to marry virgin Mary. Do you all of a sudden follow the doctrines in your religion when you decide to marry? Nigerians do not understand sh*t about their faith. Churches and mosques on every street.. It is only in times of need that they return to their faith.
Look, I have come to the conclusion that Nigerian men don’t know themselves and still haven’t mature….MENTALLY. Because, what the f*ck do you want? I blame Nigerian parents for neglecting their sons and focusing so much on their daughters to give give and f*cking give because that is their “role in the society.” Stupid!
As a young Nigerian woman, I am not perfect but I am happy to put my faith aside and see that our society is suffering, psychologically. Besides praying to God and confiding in your pastors, Nigerian men and women need to start taking counseling seriously. I don’t know know if these psychology graduates are putting their knowledge to work but we need guidance. The idea that it is O.K to penetrate other women while desiring to have a virgin as a wife sounds confusing and abnormal to me. The mixture of religion, tradition, and other western values have messed with our heads that we don’t understand how to balance them out.
@ Sidney, PREACH!!!! That ish just boggles my damn mind and there are too many Nigerian men existing in a permanent state of delusion.
I would have thought you were funny if it wasn’t for the fact that this situation of yours is rather rampart in our community. My guy, if you know what you like, why you go find virgin? What, so you can brag to your friends about marrying a virgin? GROW THE HELL UP, FELLA!!! Let me ask you a question, so if you marry this woman and for some unfortunate reason (God forbid) she got into a serious accident and from waist down, down there is not working, what will you do? YOU LACK IMAGINATION, my friend! A grown up man, a mature man, a man with good intentions who know that a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing in deed and receives blessings from the Lord Almighty will find ways to explore his woman’s mind, use this time to get to know her WELL without the emotional strappings that come with sex but instead of course, you are using that time to creep behind her her back while hoping that “you can stop after December 2012″ ODE, Satan has your nuts in his hands, better start praying that he’ll release them to you at the time!
Quite frankly dude, I don’t know you from a can of pain but this I can say from your post, you are controlled not by your mind but by your dipstick. Ain’t that a shame that your little leg controls your brain? Why must you cheat on her? Why can’t you rub one out IF you are so desperately in need of release? No, you let your “doctor” friend give you a perfect excuse. You cheat on your fiance because you don’t want to have acne and she complained about the acne? How about drinking more water ? How about not eating fried foods…no dodo, no akara, fried chicken etc? Did it ever enter your skull that fried foods and stress can cause acne? Did you ever evaluate it from that stand point?
I am sorry to break this to you: this marriage is doomed before it starts because you are NOT on the same page sexually as we know but only God knows whatelse you are not in agreement with. She doesn’t like to give oral sex, what make you think she’ll like to receive it? You go want do doggie style, she want missionary? You are already frustrated going in so after you don pay bride price, you no dey collect wetin you wan, na den you tink sey you no go dey frustrated? Again, I say ODE!
I am a very PROUD Nigeria woman and Nigeria men are great friends to have BUT I WILL NEVER EVER tell a friend to date a Nigerian man talkless of marrying one. Sorry, this may not be a popular opinion but it is MINE to hold, can’t do it! Can’t!Wouldn’t!
lool… damojo… what kind of dude are u? i mean do u really love this lady in question… from where i am reading looks like you dont get her point…. anyway goodluck.
http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/
Faith, you too like sex. It does not make sense for a single girl to be sleeping around.
Oko awon Alhaja
Nice series. But I disagree that women have to ask men out or have sex without emotions to be up to any standard you’re setting. Women should be themselves and let the men shape up or ship out.
Permit me to disagree with you on one point…why can’t a woman as a guy out? Does that take something away from her?
oooo loves the shape-up and ship out stuff….
http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/
When a woman takes the initiative, she is too forward and independent.
When she steps back and lets to wine and dine her then she can’t be discussing equality..
Which one is it people???
Different strokes for different folks…
http://thoughts2wordsblog.wordpress.com/
@myne, I agree with u
@Lady, I tire o. Even being the sweetest person and they get bored
This article is just so mediocre. It is written without much thought construction and full of generalisations, its long winded and I dont really see what the conclusion to be gained was. Men need to stop writing articles on BN full stop if these pieces r goin to be this amateur!
Some good points. But done in a “ranty” way. Nothing wrong with woman making the first move
I don’t agree about blatantly taking initiative.
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Serious how is this article relating to understanding women.. Ιτ’s so off point and stereotype.. Mtcheew
My dear it was obviously written by a Martian!!! Little wonder why he and men of his ilk can’t understand women and they really never will!!
As for “Nackson” his wife better not have a female maid, sister’s or female cousin’s in their house otherwise they will have a Superstory on their hands! You think you will be faithful after marriage………..DREAM ON!!! You should have just married someone with the same sexual appetite as yourself.
Is marrying a virgin an award abi will it erase your sexual history. Egba mi o!!! Sorry to say that your wife ain’t born again o otherwise she for no marry you at all at all!! Because you are unequally yolked with every Born-again Christian woman on the face of this earth!! However Bros there is hope for you yet. Seek the face of the Lord sincerely between now and your wedding and I am sure God will hear your cry. But in the meantime Bros keep that weapon in your pants!!!
And to all you Broda Nacksons looking for virgins it is my prayer that on your wedding night you find out that you have married a Mrs Nackson………..ROTFL!!!
Seriously how is this article relating to understanding women?. Ιτ’s so off point and stereotype.. Mtcheew
It amazes me how there are so many articles on the men: “How to wash a man’s pant”, “How to boost a man’s ego”, “How to satisfy a man” but when it comes to women you turn it into a full bash of all womanhood, plagued with unfavorable stereotypes and void of any sense whatsoever! It just shows the double standard Nigeria we live in today. Abeg leave us jare.
thank you o!
Bia Doug ale ihe ana akpo gi? this generalization is out of proportion. As men are different so as women. some men are turned on by women that like to take initiative, while other men view it as a turn off. What you have to understand is that women are more mature than men. We want to be wooed is that a bad thing? Women are similar to eagles. the female eagle puts the male eagle through vigorous test to make sure the male eagle is matured and competent enough to not only take care of her but also himself. bia if you don’t know what to write next time just don’t write. Thank you
@damojo, iamfascinating is offering you a solution. Take advantage of it!
Your so-called ‘good guy’ is just a woman wrapper. I don’t care if you be man or woman, boundaries must dey. And by the way, equality is overrated. My ship does not have two captains.
Dumbest thing I ever read! msschheew
“How many women can really walk up to a guy to ask him out?”
How many men can actually handle this and not automatically judge the woman and categorize her as too forward, desperate or out for a casual thing ?
I live in the UK and the word on the street is don’t date Nigerian men – at least not serious dating, lol! I used to live in the US and the educated naija guys there were okay but in the UK, seems to be different story. My brother in-law (he’s in the dating scene) says its so bad that his naija friends in London actually lie about where they are from – some even claim Ghana. My friend from Malawi (single and in her twenties) also said African women in the UK now avoid naija men – according to her they lie a lot. Whilst I believe there are some good naija guys out there but the bad eggs have given all of them a bad rep. Case in point, my brother in law is in his twenties and he’s a nice guy but can’t seem to meet a decent naija chick. The last girl he dated cheated on him. He actually caught her in bed with a guy (came back early from a business trip and wanted to surprise her). Nice, cool guy, laid back and probably women would say he’s ‘boring’ but he’s a great guy. Meanwhile my hubby is a reformed bad boy, lol! While we were dating, women used to be all over him cos he was outgoing and maybe not the best boyfriend material back then but thank God for Jesus, lol! So I do agree with the writer – some women think the good guys are not exciting (emphasis on ‘some women).
I didnt read anything on how to understand women….the title should have read “IT IS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAN WOMEN’.
Damojo won’t kill me oh…lol @ “the same mouth she uses to pray”, but its funny how the bad boy gets the virgin, thought her virginity is supposed to make you appreciate her more and strive to reward her with faithfulness, or doesn`t it matter to you? ain`t judging just curious, cos sometimes i wonder what goes through a man`s head concerning sex, u guys make it look like its as important as air itself
By the way, I’ve got two boys and I plan to teach them how to be good men to their female friends and future wives. I think men learn a lot about how to treat women from their mums as women learn how to be treated by men from their dads. In my opinion, I think some of the Nigerian mums from the older generations raised some irresponsible men. How do explain a comment my friend’s mother in-law made when she complained her naija husband was cheating – ‘ my son is a fine man , what do you expect, women want him. Is it his fault? Better focus on your marriage’ and she told her to call back as she was running late for church service, lol! Errr the irony is not even funny! So naija guys mend your ways, women have their issues as do men and Naija women teach your sons how to treat women right!
YES!! so many untrained ‘boys’ nowadays…it motivates me to have boys and train them to be men i would have LOVED to date…i’ve started learning with my little nephews
a woman can never be a man and a man can never be like a woman, having said that, find out the similarities between your partner and work the differences,….if yoy wanna get a complete package, why not be a complete package yourself….for those who claim to have sex without string attach, whether you like it or not, emotions will set in… likewise the ish of friends with benefit, ,,,,funny about his wife being a virgin, i pray you enjoy every with her and don’t get bored ohhhhhh cuz men cant be satisfied
@ The guy who married a virgin – marrying a virgin does not guarantee a successful marriage. I know a guy who married a virgin and fast forward 11 years and 3 kids later he wants out. He wants a divorce from his wife cos he realized he never really loved her but just loved the fact that she was a virgin and confused that with love. You need to marry for the right reason! The guy just got bored after a while cos they were not compatible in character but his focus was on the prize – marrying a virgin. I’m not advocating premarital sex by the way. Don’t marry because your partner is successful, wealthy, a virgin, great in bed, handsome/beautiful, pressure to get married/have kids etc. Ask yourself without all these things would you still love him/her – thats true love. True love will make you stay with a woman even when she cheats on you, or a guy that lost a good job and has not worked in months – you’ll be willing to work through any situation. A lot of us don’t understand what true love is.
Lol! Its just funny how most of the comments are about damojo’s comments. Is the article really that bad?
Yep
yes it is!
I agree totally!The guy was bold enough to give insight about a situation he has diagnosed as imperfect!Let him breathe abeg!Trust Nigerians,everybody is on the straight and narrow till we check your closets.The article obviously by the response generated is a reflection of today’s relationships!
Love is now overrated in this part of the equator,people shack up for many reasons and surprisingly “money” isnt the most popular in my view!LONELYNESS seems to be prominent and devastating.The need to be wanted even accepted is so strong out there that individuality has been relagated to the back burner.So many beautiful,educated even financially equipped women out there and unfortunately for some reason the supply of eligible men just doesnt meet up.
Probably why the few eligible dudes are unfortunately married ,with side chicks,friends with benefits and still manage as many one-night stands as possible. (Tough world abi?i know
) How else would you rationalise the rise of the wife beaters and sadistic pervs today or the ease at which girlfriends brandish their married boyfriends on BBM. This unfortunately is where we are now,how we change it?I have no clue whatsoever but i do think that if this did not exist today,suicide rates would have soared through the roof and “shrinks” would be making a killing.
Blah, blah blah. Don’t you have any other thing to write about? I’m getting sick of articles like this.
This is utterly amazing!!!
@ Damojo…smh for ya!!! Berra ask God to forgive you and keep u sane before she finds out and you are ruined. Stupid man…shagging someone else whilst protecting upcoming virgin wify….
ratass,,,,as if ur going to post my comment
just comot my name from ur page o
awaiting moderation indeed
watery article! BN,what’s the criteria for putting up articles? this one here? naaahhhh
Tempted to say what a load of rubbish… not because am siding anyone but because. the idea of good and bad is sooo annoying.. NONE IS GOOD. PERIOD.
The difference: some of us have good motives that transcends into our character and some of us have bad manipulative conniving motives that transcends into our character..
Again I say ” to be boring does not make you good or bad” it just makes you BORING.
IF YOU ARE BORING YOU ARE BORING. PERIOD. It has nothing to do with good or bad.
The definition of “females”loving bad boys is sooooo outdated. Some females dont love bad boys they just love the thrill or the idea that fulfills their own fantasies it has nothing to do with anything but some “women are confused.com”.
As for the men that think being clingy is good ermmm it not, it just means YOU ARE CLINGY and some ladies can find that irritating *viceversa*.
Finally, some men are faithful and incredibly fun “i dont know what some women are looking for when they say they want someone interesting”. Cos I often wonder if these women are interesting themselves?? or understand the concept of interesting?? cos “I swear if you like someone you can rub off your energy on them”. DUH.. what century do we live on??. I think relationship is overrated.
MEET THE RIGHT PERSON AND YOU ARE FINE (well to an extent, you still need to work on it but its easier cos you two are compatible). PERIOD.
MEET THE WRONG PERSON AND YOU ARE IN FOR A WHOLE CRAP OF NONSENSE THAT CAN BE AVOIDED.
INVEST IN YOUR MENTAL GROWTH.
http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/
Damojo if u know wat is good for you, u better don’t go ahead with that marriage until you sort your shitty self out.. Na so una go dey put innocent women for yeye marriage wahala… This article just doesn’t do it for me, too many contradicting nonsense, I no feel am at all..no pun intended!
hmmm, u wanna study women 2 understand dem, u will get old o!. lolzzzz
worefa doug..