BN Weddings Hot Topic: If Your Husband Slaps You A Few Weeks After The Wedding – Will You Stay Or Leave?

Posted on Tuesday, October 15th, 2013 at 4:16 PM

By BellaNaija Weddings

Happy Sallah! Hope you’re enjoying with your loved ones! Today we’ll like to ask you a serious question – one that happens often, but it often swept under the rug.

“If your husband slaps you a few weeks after the wedding, will you stay or leave?”

What’s the origin of this question, you might ask? Well occasionally on BN Weddings Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, we like to throw out questions to see how our readers feel about different wedding/marriage issues and fun stuff. Some of the questions we’ve asked include – “Do you think brides look more beautiful on their traditional wedding?” (most people answered Yes!) “Would you let your MUA (make up artist) post a “Before” picture of your makeup-free face online? (mixed responses)!

Today Ebuka Obi-Uchendu of Big Brother Nigeria fame, put out the following tweet, our main handle @bellanaija responded, then it inspired our below tweet:

domestic violence nigeria

I also shared these stories (read from bottom to top):

domestic violence nigerian marriage wedding

Even though we’re not assuming the black eye was from her husband, we thought it’s a great jump start to a discussion many people sweep under the rug. It has happened, it happens and will continue happening.

Most people on our Twitter have responded that they will stay and pray, while most on Instagram have said they will leave.

Please share your thoughts and experiences, it may help others. If you want to join in on the discussion on social media, the debate is still going strong.

Thank you, Ink xoxo

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  • 241 Comments on “BN Weddings Hot Topic: If Your Husband Slaps You A Few Weeks After The Wedding – Will You Stay Or Leave?”

    Comments
    • bee October 15, 2013 at 4:26 PM

      It happened to my best friend, wedding wasn’t even up to on week. And it wasn’t just a slap, was serious beating and dragging her all over the house. She didn’t know what to to or who to tell. What even caused the wahala sef isnt worth talking about…..

      • MiuMiu October 15, 2013 at 4:52 PM

        God forbid bad thing! What was the guy trying to prove? That he is now in control? Is there more to the story? Was he showing violent tendencies before the wedding?

        Maybe the bride’s parents charged him too much money for the “bride price” so he feels he has “purchased” the babe and now he can use her anyhow….

        But for me? I will pack out of the house the next day. Who knows what more is in store for the wife if she remains in that marriage? What happens when she has children and is forever stuck with that beast in her life? A word is enough for the wise… it’s better to be alive,sane and happily single, than sad, depressed, miserable and married!

        • Bamzi October 15, 2013 at 7:20 PM

          I think the more appropriate question would be “Would you leave if he slapped you two weeks to the wedding?” Cos by the time ur married it would be harder to leave.

      • vivaladee October 16, 2013 at 12:51 PM

        Stay! Chances are, he was already slapping or beating her
        long before the proposal. The beatings may have already presented
        itself in the form of emotional, verbal abuse or financial
        manipulation. He would already have displayed signs of being a
        control freak, stalking her, questioning her every moves etc. He
        may already have tried to end 1 or 2 close friendships of hers or
        gone as far as causing tensions within her family unit without
        trying to resolve things. There are always red flags along the way
        that a woman can pick up…if she is looking for out them.

        • PrettyMinnie October 16, 2013 at 10:29 PM

          U are Defnlty right..he must have shown u signs wen u wer
          dating. My relationship doh it has ended, Dude had slapped me
          severally, even called me so many names iv neva heard, abuse my
          family, threw my Genuine LOVE away and pushd me to d floor
          severally, wounded me…due to Love (God help us)i still tried to
          hold on, but God saved me, when i found out he was cheating with
          differnet “Things” including his old skul frend”S” from some
          university in ABIA STATE, That was it! Bloody asswipe!! God saved
          me and Im grateful i dodged That bullet. We shud NOT take little
          things like quick insults “u are mad” “u are useless” for granted
          when dating a man. We Must all PRAY VERY Hard b4 marrying anyone.
          He never knew wat he had, now hez tryna appreciate a sistuh! u shud
          see him tryna beg evrywer!! No time for som bloody cocky prideFULL
          idiot! Marriage is for better for worse..God hates divorce so, u
          need to take him to God. First Quality u shud luk for in a man is
          his Fear of God. a man who Respects God wont treat his woman like
          trash, slappin u, beating u and all. No!

      • Flo October 16, 2013 at 3:33 PM

        That would have been the end of that wedding. There would have been an annulment…… Nonsense!!!!

    • MelonX October 15, 2013 at 4:31 PM

      Tough question. Could be an indication of what is come in future. It could a honest bad mistake. Maybe he had “buyer’s remorse”. If they’ve dated for a long time and are friends and he had never done this before, I will excuse it just this one time. If he had been violent when they were dating, I will gracefully bow out. It has become a pattern.

    • madman October 15, 2013 at 4:32 PM

      If your family members have spent all that money on the wedding.. you better stay. What rubbish!! Manage all the blows and slaps. Dear women, To marry is not by force… so look before you leap…

      • Tudbee October 15, 2013 at 4:52 PM

        Wow…….is this response for real or sarcasm? So because of the money spent she ‘better stay’ and become a punching bag? (Because we know it doesn’t stop there, it often always escalates to more). And sadly, most Nigerian women “stay and pray” in the name of being married.

        • madman October 15, 2013 at 6:14 PM

          Women must learn to manage the slaps and blows…… why get married in the first place? it’s until “death” do us path.

      • Marie October 15, 2013 at 10:08 PM

        Nigerians and their mentality? Wow smh… I don’t want to
        do anything with Nigerians

        • lily October 15, 2013 at 10:28 PM

          pls stop grouping us,guess it the kind of people u meet
          that has this mentality. What will you say abt the black americans
          that goes through this situation and keep it to demselves?

        • Miss Anon October 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM

          My dear Marie I am sure you know that Domestic Violence is a world wide epidemic!!!

        • bellz October 16, 2013 at 2:52 PM

          Nne sorry you had to read this filth about us nigerians on this our very nigerian blog. We thank God you are not a Nigerian. Shior!!!!!!!!

        • Royalty October 16, 2013 at 10:33 PM

          @Miss Anon..its a DISEASE nigerian men have like Non other.
          Best Believe That! shame on all men that raise their hands on a
          woman. It only speaks so much about ur parents especially ur
          Father!

        • paloma October 18, 2013 at 3:28 PM

          imagine talks! u dont wanna do anything with Nigeria and ure here commenting on a Nigerian site!!!

        • Lolu October 27, 2013 at 6:02 PM

          Pls as the name implies Bella Naija is a Nigerian website.
          Why are u on it if you don’t want to have anything to do with
          Nigerians. Domestic violence is a horrible thing that happens
          everywhere. Stop generalising.

      • Deevah October 16, 2013 at 12:01 AM

        You really are a “Madman”. Rubbish!

      • Ib October 16, 2013 at 12:43 AM

        Madam is giving a tongue in cheek advice here. You pple
        should calm down jare. @Marie,the one who us without sin,thank God
        you are not a Nigerian.

      • hui October 16, 2013 at 1:37 AM

        I think madman must be joking.If he is serious then as his
        name suggests, he needs psychiatric help.
        1-800-SomebodycallYabaleft

      • sis eko October 16, 2013 at 3:57 AM

        as your name says you are a madman indeed. I dont even know where to start with you.

      • Mayowa October 17, 2013 at 8:36 AM

        Your response is quite insensitive. Many women have been fooled because some guys don’t show their true colours until after the deed is done.

        Would you give the same response to your own sister, daughter?

    • Precious October 15, 2013 at 4:52 PM

      It would be painful though, but i’ve gat no option than to stay and kip prayin he changes or else…..if he continues, UBTH would have to fly him abroad after the manual surgery i would perform on him…#i hate wife beaters lyk crazy#.. As a xtain, divorce is not an option.. But seriously, i wont marry such a guy at the first place, not after all my fastin and prayers and courtship.. Lets all watch out sha..

      • Okechukwu Ofili October 15, 2013 at 10:07 PM

        abeg joor. Man is beating you you are there saying want to
        pray? Nah craze. Can you not pray for him in your fathers house?
        Then you say divorce is not an option…sho is get beating an
        option? Abi bible no cover am?

        • ms lala October 16, 2013 at 4:48 PM

          urgh!!!!! Ofili..u just straight with it lol…dude don’t let me jones for you cuz ill fly down from cali lol….but really someone needs to write an article about Nigerians, God and situations they know they can solve without the need of fasting….have seen Nigerians do more binding and casting than a Macmillan bookcompany for things that are literally simple to solve ie….DIVORCE , MOVING OUT THE HOUSE.

      • nnn October 15, 2013 at 11:03 PM

        Please, let’s get rid of this “stay there and pray” theory. She can pray from her parents’ house, a hotel, a new apartment she moves to. She can pray anywhere but not from her home. After all, GOD is everywhere!!!

      • Kia October 16, 2013 at 7:26 AM

        Really! So you are more useful to God dead abi.

    • TA October 15, 2013 at 5:01 PM

      I never thought it would happen to someone very close to me. Unfortunately, her wedding was only 3 days old …they were preparing to go on honeymoon when the guy pummeled the bride (we are not talking a few slaps here,we are talking severe blows,kicks etc) almost to death.She was hospitalised for some days and never went back. The cause of the guy’s anger? the bride’s uncle based in the US who couldn’t attend the wedding had sent them $3,000 and he had accused her of hoarding the cash because she didn’t mention it until they were packing for their honeymoon. She tried to explain that the whole wedding Fever made her forget but he called her names,she got angry and called him names too. The marriage is now history!

      • Mz Socially Awkward... October 15, 2013 at 5:40 PM

        WHAT? For the simple reason that she hadn’t told him about receiving some money which was gratis, anyway, no be like say she go clear $3000 from his account without telling him???? I live in continued ‘wonderment’ regarding the new crop of Nigerian men.

        • Lizzie October 15, 2013 at 6:20 PM

          the money her uncle sent her caused this gbege? the man is all shades of FOOLISH. and stupid and cruel and ???? Nonsense….

        • Idak October 16, 2013 at 11:04 AM

          We are not all the same o! Just a few Nigerian men messing
          up our brand image.

        • Royalty October 16, 2013 at 10:46 PM

          Honestly Nigerian men are so Terrible! God have
          mercy!

        • Mz Socially Awkward... October 17, 2013 at 10:51 AM

          My apologies, Idak, it wasn’t my intention to generalize and that’s why I used the differentiator “new crop”. You can’t deny that there is definitely a new crop of Nigerian men who seem to have abandoned their moral compass enroute to becoming full grown adults… and I can’t deny that this is also true of many young Nigerian women today.

        • Jamce October 18, 2013 at 4:14 AM

          The world is no longer as it used to be. Most men have stopped being men and have decided to be parasites. A man with some sense of pride will not look at what his wife has no matter how poor he may be, talk less of having to quarrel or beat her up because of money sent to her. If you truly love someone, you must give the person the benefit of doubt for a start.

        • Ngobeke October 18, 2013 at 9:03 AM

          My dear, you can say that again….I really wonder at this new crop of men……utterly shameless!!!!

      • Brown sugar October 15, 2013 at 8:11 PM

        It is well!!

        • Idak October 16, 2013 at 4:56 PM

          How is it well?

      • Marie October 15, 2013 at 10:18 PM

        The issue is that Nigerian women like dating “unrealistic”
        men. They don’t look beyond the outer. They meet a guy who
        “typifies” what a guy should “look like” and act like. So they
        follow and don’t ask questions. The ULTIMATE goal of a nigerian
        girl is to GET MARRIED. So if the guy even brings that up “SHE IS
        SUPER EXCITED” . Violence like that doesn’t just “show up”. He must
        have been violent or displayed SIGNS earlier on, the chick wanted
        to be married so bad, so she got what she signed up for.

        • Phatgirlzbwinning October 16, 2013 at 7:33 PM

          @Marie, y the hell are you still generalizing? Have you met every Nigerian in this world? How do u know the kind of guys Nigerian women like to date ,as a non-Nigerian? Tell me where ure from so we can stereotype your people…Marie? Perhaps you are French African, lots of stereotypes about ure men and women as well. Would you stay or leave if your husband hit u is the question….answer that or STFU. Sadly, u may even b one of these women suffering from domestic violence…don’t worry luv, The Lord will be ure strength.

        • Naya October 17, 2013 at 12:12 PM

          stop generalising! it is an issue amongst some men as a
          whole. tired of seeing you type nigerian women this, nigerian men
          that. it is an issue that we as a human race need to address. what
          about the story about a white man who killed his girlfriend because
          she tired to leave him, it happens to people by people. plain and
          simple! then you have the cheek to say you dont want anything to do
          with nigerians. nigerian may not want anything to do with
          you.

      • Yori B October 16, 2013 at 11:04 AM

        Good for her! But it seems to be acceptable in the Nigerian
        society?

      • Lol October 16, 2013 at 3:45 PM

        Best decision she took….no male is worth that kinda drama Abeg…..no marriage in heaven and we will not be judged as mrs anybody….other character defects person go fit manage but battery and sleeping around like snoop doggy no way……

      • Me October 16, 2013 at 4:43 PM

        Good for her, He will do the honeymoon alone without the US3000…

    • kind anon October 15, 2013 at 5:02 PM

      I have ZERO tolerance for domestic violence BUT i’m not going to look from the outside and be passing comments about a relationship or marriage that I am not involved in and hence know nothing about. No one just wakes up in the morning and tears someone a slap just because they are married. Both parties are the only ones that can say how long they have been slapping each other for, the activities that lead to the slapping and why they kept quiet until after they took a vows before God.

      as you make your bed…

      • kind anon October 15, 2013 at 5:02 PM

        took a vow rather*

      • slice October 15, 2013 at 5:26 PM

        As a christian, divorce IS an option. sometimes divorce is the only option that honors God. God has given you only one life to live. When you get to heaven, please try not to tell him you lost that life at the hand of some idiot that you refused to leave in the name of marriage or worse yet, you raised kids or can’t trust a man because you exposed them to constant beatings and yells for help.

        Where are the daughters of Abigail. Abigail left her “fool” of a husband and found herself David.

        • slice October 15, 2013 at 5:42 PM

          ***raised kids that can’t…

        • Mz Socially Awkward... October 15, 2013 at 5:44 PM

          And the fool dropped dead not long after she left him. God bless you for reminding women of faith that women such as Abigail who exhibited wisdom in marital affairs are also written about in the bible.

        • B October 16, 2013 at 9:10 AM

          @slice,
          it soes really happen like that raising those kids will make them trust no man. am a living witness, if allowed i assume all men are drama kings. too much scenarios, as for me oohh, i will not take shit because one of the major things i owe my kids is:
          THE BEST DAD (that i never had).
          teamsaynotodomesticviolence

        • Heeba October 16, 2013 at 10:17 AM

          Point corrected Abigail did not leave her husband oh! As in did not divorce him we don’t know if they lived together or diff apartments but ultimately God saw her through. I don’t like violence and I feel if ubr attacked u should move away from that environment and pray from wherever you are and God will come to your rescue.

        • slice October 16, 2013 at 2:07 PM

          I agree with you Heeba on the breakdown of how the David
          and Abigail deal went down. important for christian women though,
          if you don’t want a divorce because you strongly believe that your
          faith doesn’t allow it, would you at least leave the house or kick
          him out if the law in your place makes this possible. At least, no
          one can say there’s anything in the bible against physical
          separation. This is the scripture on which the no divorce in christ
          people hang their hats. I’ve had this conversation many times and I
          understand the struggle people feel in their hearts is real. ie
          does leaving this guy mean i’ve sinned against God. Matt 5:31-32.
          31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a
          certificate of divorce.’[a] 32 But I tell you that anyone who
          divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the
          victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits
          adultery.” i say i don’t see anything in there that tells a woman
          she can’t divorce her husband. from all indications, the whole
          point of that scripture was to protect women from men who would
          marry and dump them for so called slight infractions. That same
          scripture has now being used to bind many woman to wife beaters and
          God did not intend for it to be so. There’s nothing in that
          scripture that says a Woman can’t leave so if you feel God is
          requiring you to stay in suffering, i personally don’t see it in
          scripture. if you’re still so determined about not requesting a
          divorce yourself, well then separate from the person. With no
          wife/husband, no sex etc, chances are he/she will divorce you and
          save you “sin” of divorce It goes without saying but I will say it,
          i still believe God’s ideal is for you not to have a divorce.
          however, if you’re in a DV situation then remember that marriage
          was made for you, you were not made for marriage. much like Jesus
          said sabbath was made for man. man was not made for sabbath. you
          were made to honor marriage. marriage was made to lift you up, etc.
          if this marriage is not doing the job, LEAVE IT

        • Stigger October 16, 2013 at 7:09 PM

          Just to point out that Abigail maried David only after Nabal died – I Sam 25: 38-40

        • Mrs October 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM

          @Slice..You know what Blasphemy means right?? Okay. God
          help us all.

        • slice October 16, 2013 at 11:38 PM

          @mrs do you have a different interpretation of that scripture? As for those pointing out nabal died before abigail remarried, I agree with your analysis and never said she didnt

        • Jamce October 18, 2013 at 4:31 AM

          @ slice, I agree with you that divorce is an option for a Christian in situations of domestic violence and adultery. However, we need to get Scriptures right. Abigail did not divorce Nabal to go and marry David. David married Abigail after Nabal died (not killed by David but by God Himself). Also Abigail did not throw herself at David, but David found her virtuous in how she interceded on behalf of her foolish husband Nabal to save their household from David’s wrath.

    • Noona gangnamstyle October 15, 2013 at 5:04 PM

      This question is a bit open ended it leaves out some necessary information such as; what was the state of the man when he did it, why did he slap her? did the the slap appear to create some sort of precedence thus making it a continuous situation or was it just; a one of, spur of the moment occurrence. If it is the former then how did she not see that before getting married to him or did she choose to ignore the fact that he was a potential brute because she wanted to join the current get ‘hitched’ or die trying trend.
      Also marriage is not a bed of roses 24/7, it takes more work and patience than most young people can even comprehend. if the husband is clearly not the sort of person that validates his manliness by turning his wife into a sparing partner, then maybe leaving bcos of this isolated issue might be a bit much, bearing in mind that we don’t know what caused the slap. I know people will start screaming that; NO MATTER WHAT A MAN SHOULD NEVER SLAP A WOMAN!!.. Abegi some women are very unreasonable and have the ability to push a man until he is at the edge of a cliff and has no other choice but to push back or fall off.
      In conclusion your husband slapped u, u should ask yourself; does it look like this will be a regular occurrence? was it because of something i did that i can stop doing? how did he act after he slapped me. she would need to ask her self these questions and her decision to stay or leave will depend mainly on the reason she got married in the first place.
      Disclaimer: My comment in no way supports domestic violence, i strongly believe that no man (or strong woman) should exert acts of violence against the other sex.

      • TA October 15, 2013 at 5:27 PM

        @ Noona gangnamstyle,Huh? Please come again?! You know your comment is as good as saying ‘I do not hunt rabbits because its a sin to kill animals but I do eat rabbit meat.! You are absolutely right in saying there is no reason to beat/hit your spouse, you know why? Because you are now ONE flesh!!! When you make mistakes,do you beat/ hit yourself? Unless,you are telling me you are so perfect, you never say or do anything wrong.

      • Omo October 15, 2013 at 6:02 PM

        The minute you try to reason something out, especially bad behaviour you are making excuses for it. My Aunty always says something. “before you give out advice, think and say to yourself. If i had passed on or I am not around, would I be happy if someone gives this advice to my child? If no, rethink or don’t bother advising. It is easy for many of us to advice when we are outsiders, but when it our daughter or sister or best friend, we are not so clinical. A child you carried from the womb and raised to the adult you gave away in marriage, or a sister you love, you won’t use such words. The reason you and many others will find excuses to go back or tell someone to go back is probably tied down to shame and what people will say. Marriage in our culture is no longer about happiness, fulfilment and a journey of life and love with another person.
        Do you guys know what it takes for a man to hit someone else? The absolute lack of control. Whether one off or not. For him to lose his senses to the point of raising his hand to a woman he just vowed to love and cherish weeks ago, says a lot. He won’t hit a man at work, or his friend or his boss. Why would you hit a woman you are still supposed to be head over heels in love with. Rivers run deep they say, and that is a clear sign that something is not alright. Love does not hurt, no matter the provocation. There is no such thing as one off. It takes a lot to lose control and a man that cannot control himself is capable of anything. The word precedence was invented for a reason. A man capable of hitting a woman can never hit a man, no matter the provocation. Weeks after getting married. What the hell. That man never loved you. He married you for other reasons. Whether justifiable or not, but he never loved you. A man that does not love you and hits you, is a man you are tying your misery down to. As sure as rain is wet and the sun is hot.
        I will tell my daughter to come back home. Her husband needs to have a rethink and find out why he hit her. He is sorry does not mean anything. We make a lot of mistakes, yes but violence is a mistake too far. To subject your wife to violence, is the lowest of the low. He needs to find himself again and ask himself if he really loves his wife. If he cannot give answers to that, she is better off at home. Money spent on a wedding, is just money. It is still the same money you will use for hospital bills or worse, a coffin and a burial site.

        • Lizzie October 15, 2013 at 6:28 PM

          Thank you Omo. people stay justifying crap…

        • slice October 15, 2013 at 7:51 PM

          i’ve always wondered if the first thing you mentioned is the reason some naija parents are quick to encourage reconciliation in the face of DV. Your naija parents loved you but they probably beat the crap out of you when you were younger. i can see how some of them may be able to see love even in the face of DV. Especially when the guy is much older. They may think he’s just correcting you. some of the mothers you report to sef, their husband (your father) also beat them as well and they stayed so they might like, please you’re not that special. now if he’s not “feeding” you, they might be more like to pressure you to leave. beating her is one thing, not buying her the latest wrappers is another. :(

        • Eyak October 15, 2013 at 8:00 PM

          Thank you Omo, well said

        • Cat on a hot tin roof October 16, 2013 at 9:43 AM

          Loooooooooooooooooooool, are you for real?

        • Moi October 17, 2013 at 10:58 AM

          God bless you for this comment. ‘Nuff said!

      • Cat on a hot tin roof October 16, 2013 at 9:28 AM

        Loooooooooooooooooooool, are you for real?

      • Iphie October 18, 2013 at 10:37 AM

        You are definitely one of them women(wife) beaters!

    • TA October 15, 2013 at 5:06 PM

      Though it was her decision to leave we supported her.If your life is in danger,pls leave the marriage.
      However, if I was slapped a few days after my wedding, would I leave? Of course I would!

    • Gorgeous October 15, 2013 at 5:18 PM

      I always wonder what kind of conversation they are sitting down to have, that fists start flying. Na wa o. As in? If you married a hot tempered man knowingly, you have to understand that you have to play fire extinguisher for the rest of your life. You made that choice knowningly and not under duress. Some women even marry men who are active wife beaters while dating, all because they want to be Mrs. If you married a hot tempered man/woman, please work it out. You signed up for docility so deal with it. I really cannot still fathom how two adults having a discussion will turn to fists flying. Shior

    • chichi October 15, 2013 at 5:21 PM

      And who says it is only men that know how to slap..will definitely forgive him and stay, that is after slapping the hell outta him

    • I Rock October 15, 2013 at 5:22 PM

      Before a man slaps his wife after their wedding, he likely must have shown some signs of what he IS capable of doing while still dating but some women will shrug those signs off in a bid to get married. Violent people always out themselves. It may be by the way they speak to their significant others while still dating, the names they call them etc. It’s true that God provides the ultimate spouse but He in His infinite mercy and wisdom gave us humans brain to make the right choices as much as possible.

    • Kate October 15, 2013 at 5:29 PM

      I Will stay, but will definitely slap him back.

      • Lizzie October 15, 2013 at 6:30 PM

        And start a huge fight and he will beat you to a pulp. Get the picture?

    • Suyacrush October 15, 2013 at 5:29 PM

      Domestic violence is a no no whether coming from either sex (my own Ant used to beat her husband lol)
      I believe it should be addressed at first occurrence.
      Now from a personal perspective try never to touch me o as you will feel sorry for a long long time ( I’m my auntie niece now:) hehehe
      Dancing to Beyoncé “I’m a grown woman”

      • dont mention October 15, 2013 at 6:06 PM

        you got me laughing on this very serious issue……..abi u talk na ur truth….hhahahahahahhahah, i haf died at ur comment

      • portable October 15, 2013 at 7:44 PM

        OMG! rotflmfao!

    • Jude October 15, 2013 at 5:30 PM

      Mehn, I seriously do not know what to do oo, buh I will just give him some space.
      rhodiesworld.com

    • Idak October 15, 2013 at 5:31 PM

      If i was a lady, i will only consider (note the word consider) staying only if he sees a psychologist and begins extensive counselling. Secondly,there must be an understanding that the very next time he as much as brushes my face with his hands, the marriage is over, on the spot.
      I have spend years trying to understand men who beat women, i have come to the conclusion that it is a psychiatric disorder. No exception. I have never seen or heard a case where it was justified. How does the thought process pan out?
      However,we all have lines we have drawn in relationships. Some will forgive a spouse who cheats once,others will forgive a spouse who’s performance is below par in bed,still others will manage a partner suddenly goes broke and others will permit physical abuse. It is difficult using the lines you have drawn in your heart as the standard for others.

    • slice October 15, 2013 at 5:34 PM

      i honestly can’t leave my husband b/c of a slap. And i hope he wouldn’t leave me if slapped him in the heat of the moment. Things happen but the context is very important. That said once someone starts getting upset, i usually start moving back. it’s just a habit. don’t want to hear your face was reaching for my hand and one thing led to another. story story. but if you follow me and beat me, well you can’t say that one was a mistake o. that na well thought out ish

      • madman October 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM

        Yes, don’t leave. If you could manage slaps, and blows from your parents. You should be able to manage slaps and blows from your husband. I mean what is the big deal about a “black eye?” or a few missing teeth? Common!! Women must learn to manage the slaps and blows…… why get married in the first place? it’s until “death” do you and him path.

        • slice October 15, 2013 at 7:48 PM

          lol i know you’re just clowning around. funny

        • Brown sugar October 15, 2013 at 8:27 PM

          Path kor, pathfinder ni. You sef should be able to manage slaps and blows from your wife and I pray you marry someone that will beat living daylight and moonlight from your body. PS: I’m trying to be funny too -____-

        • Ummm.... October 15, 2013 at 9:36 PM

          lol!!! I love the way you sound so serious. Satire at its finest

        • Marie October 15, 2013 at 10:26 PM

          Lol silly nigerian women and their simple mindedness, and
          you wonder why Nigeria is called “backward”

      • Omo October 15, 2013 at 6:39 PM

        Be careful what you accept before it comes back to bite you in the ass. You won’t leave because of a slap. Okay, how many slaps then. Please give a number to it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10. Come on. I want to have a good laugh today. Will you leave because of a punch? Hmmmmn, let me see? What about your first miscarriage of first hospital appointment? I am just asking.

        • slice October 15, 2013 at 7:47 PM

          my dear i’m just being honest with myself. i know i won’t end my marriage over a slap. it’s just the way i view life. maybe i’m wrong or not so right but I know i’ll forgive it. `

    • Eshy October 15, 2013 at 5:47 PM

      @ TA,na hungry man. Mtscheewwww,wan come kill ur wife cuz of money

    • Tosin October 15, 2013 at 6:05 PM

      It won’t happen. Anyway if it’s in a betta country or in Ekiti State, police will carry him fast. If it’s his house, I’m gone. If it’s my house, he’s gone. But to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever sign marriage papers joo. Nothing to gain, everything to lose. If na party dey do everybody, make we parti, but all this marry-marry, na like say trouble siddon jeje pesin go use him own hand drag am.

    • Abana October 15, 2013 at 6:08 PM

      Story story story! If my husband beats me up, I will kill him. Full stop. Everything in the house will become a potential murder weapon. There will be real and present danger. He will have to be very afraid cos I will strike when he is very happy.

      • Atoke October 15, 2013 at 9:13 PM

        Lol gba o. I cannot come and go and die. Even off I can’t do it myself, I will arrange for awon t’emi at Oshodi/Bolade… to help me da sharia to his body.

        Then, I will run as far as these short legs can carry me because I don’t have ‘meat of suffering’ in my body.

      • Person October 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM

        Thank you!!! AMEN. The day a man hits me? Kai, HELL must receive TWO visitors. Everything IS a murder weapon. Everything.

    • SassyDiva October 15, 2013 at 6:20 PM

      A quick question for some who justify a man hitting a woman under some ‘pardonable’ excuses. How many times do you see these weaklings in a heat of an argument or confrontation with their friends throw punch or slaps? And trust me, guys do go hard on each either yabbing or outright insults. Now a woman who shares your bed everynight, cooks your meals and is expected to birth your kids, does she not deserve a level of err let me used the dreaded word here RESPECT?! A real man, not a weakling has control over his emotions, he does not need re-affirmation of his manliness from anyone’s utterance or actions. A man that hits his wife, hits his own mother and sisters! NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING, justify domestic abuse – (physical, emotional or mental)Marriage is not a slave master relationship, if you can’t stand your partner for whatever reason, then leave. Some men are not even fearful for their lives. You hit a woman, she becomes bitter and vengeful and lace your meal with posion -
      who will question her? Especially in Nigeria where no form of investigative police work exists! Huh! Goodluck to these men!

      • Omo October 15, 2013 at 6:37 PM

        100 shades of amazing for this comment. Men diss each other every time. They get into very heated arguments, they annoy the crap out of each other but a man who can hit a woman whether heat of the moment will never hit a man. Why hit your wife then. What is the reason behind that. How do you justify that. Men take crap from bosses. Even more crap from female bosses, yet they won’t dare hit their female boss even in the heat of the moment. Knowing what they have to lose, they swallow it and walk away. It doesn’t affect their manly ego when it is their boss, but their wife, they now lose control and some will say one off. Pull the other leg please and stop justifying nonsense. Stay if you want to stay but don’t justify it. There is a difference

    • madman October 15, 2013 at 6:20 PM

      Dear women and men, To marry is not by force. Look before you leap. Physical abuse is as heinous as emotional or mental abuse…. so to slap and to give a black eye is not the only way to ABUSE someone. BellaNaija get with the PROGRAM.

    • That African Chic October 15, 2013 at 6:37 PM

      I have realized that men hit women because they can. Period. Forget about self control or anything any man that raises his hands on a woman believes he can get away with it. Why cant these same men fight other men who angers them.
      If your husband hits you the first time, don’t let him get away with it. Do something; warn him, hit him back if you are strong, threaten him with a weapon, separate from him for a while, take pictures, just do something to let him know that you would not allow to use you as a punching bag.
      And finally divorce is an option. God gave us this life to fulfill a purpose, and I doubt dying by the hands of your husband is that purpose

      Visit lifeofanfricanimmigrant.blogspot.com to read about my experiences in the US.

      • Kia October 16, 2013 at 8:45 AM

        Thank you, thank you and thank you. Haba! The same man that beats his wife in will take all sorts of crap from his boss, friends e.t.c. You wonder why they don’t fight police officers when they harass them. Rubbish. If he hits you once, warn him. Twice , start preparing your exit strategy i.e. hiding money, extra phone, alternative accommodation. Third time, leave.

    • Just saying October 15, 2013 at 6:50 PM

      Though a hard pill to swallow it is true that many individuals look at physical abuse as the only form of “abuse”… Times without number I have heard, seen and even experience men who rain insults and/or belittling words on their wives or girlfriends.. Just because it doesn’t cause a physical scare doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its negative affects, be it emotional or psychologically. Despite individuals points of view abuse occurs vice versa (women abusing men)..

    • kokie October 15, 2013 at 7:04 PM

      Tough one.Counseling immediately to do including anger management ….. he had been wanting to do that for a while. If he doesn’t cooperate, cut your losses because he will get worse and death may occur or one of these acid numbers that naija men have take to

    • Lizzie October 15, 2013 at 7:05 PM

      @madman, for someone who drops lots of comments on this blog you sound bereft of any sensibilities, BN should get with which program? are you trying to make up for the crap you left you there as a comment earlier? you can go back and read the articles BN have put up on all forms of abuse in recent times.

      • madman October 15, 2013 at 7:37 PM

        Wetin na? Why are you abusing me?

        • Bea October 16, 2013 at 4:56 PM

          LOOOOL

        • missNk October 19, 2013 at 2:26 AM

          lmaooo!! I don’t know why I find his reply funny

    • Lizzie October 15, 2013 at 7:05 PM

      up* there

    • babysco October 15, 2013 at 7:15 PM

      this is not a black and white issue.the bride has to consider all the factors in general.do you think he is prone to domestic violence or is is this just a one time issue?leaving for a few days might serve as a deterrent against such action in the future.Anyways,all things considered, a new bride should not leave the marriage after one slap but it should never happen again sha

      • Love was shacking me... October 16, 2013 at 8:36 AM

        Dear, how do you ensure it doesn’t happen again. It is a precursor. To raise your hand against your wife is not same as beating your child. It is the same stupid courage a man would use to hit another man (which more than likely does not happen in his case). One slap is as my Father calls it…Holy Ghost warning signal. Moving out for a few days will become a routine. He will know you will go home, cool off and then come back. You might say o, maybe the lady’s tongue is acidic. Really an acidic tongue deserves beating from her husband. Should I say a man’s cheating deserves physical action from his wife as well? If a man sees a trait in his wife that is annoying (and he can not reason with her), he can take it to someone she respects to deal with. Your husband is a leader, in your office when you do not complete a task satisfactorily, does your project manager slap you around or does your boss beat you up for failing on the job? Highest is you get fired.
        Your husband is not your father. Heck, even my papa no dey beat me as a child. Let alone one man who had no input in my upbringing will now be disciplining me. Please wise up my sister. A man that raises his hand or his voice with insults at a woman has no love or respect for her.

    • Chidi October 15, 2013 at 7:28 PM

      Quick question. Will you send your wife packing if you catch her cheating on you two weeks after the wedding? We all know the answer to that, as in what the man will do. Why is it with woman matter that tori will enter. We are the ones that we will find reasons to stay. Which kind suffer head is that?

    • olabeemaselfbad October 15, 2013 at 7:35 PM

      On the spot . It’s over for you to slap me . Definitely means u will turn me to a punching bag. Draught up.

    • Hmmm October 15, 2013 at 7:43 PM

      He better slap me to death….cuz i swear il beat the shit out of him & set my cousins friends to beat him up randomly. Mtchewwwww

    • Okechukwu Ofili October 15, 2013 at 8:20 PM

      If you are a woman and your husband slaps you…please leave… That is what I will tell my daughter. No long story, no overanalysis. Just pack your load and come home.

      • Faith October 15, 2013 at 10:04 PM

        Thank you oo jare. you just spoke like my dad!

      • CarliforniaBawlar October 16, 2013 at 1:20 AM

        Gbabeski!! No long story, no asking if it’s asasi or edi,
        No reporting to his family, Nothing. I’m gone!!. In fact I believe
        any man that slaps me is tired of the marriage and wants me to
        leave. And leave I shall…..Also I don’t know why BN has to put
        the 2week duration on the question because IMHO the shorter the
        marriage the easier it is to quickly leave, enter yaba for new
        singu ladies clothes and put my stock back on the market…no
        belle, no pikin (not like those would change my decision
        anyways).

      • ij October 16, 2013 at 10:01 AM

        as in , no be fight , just leave! there will always be space in my house for my pikin married or not

    • new bride October 15, 2013 at 8:26 PM

      It happened to my friend barely a month after her wedding. The guy beat the hell out of her, she couldn’t go to work for over a week. She moved in with her in laws, but refused to go back to her parents’ house even after we begged her to count her losses and move on.
      To be honest, it was very easy for those of us on the outside to tell her to move back to her parents’ house. For her, she was still trying to deal with the shock of her newly wed husband beating her to a pulp, mixed with the shame of moving back home few weeks after the wedding, when they hadn’t even gone on their honeymoon or opened all the wedding gifts.
      She ended up staying, he beat her a few more times after that, she eventually moved out, but went back after a few months.
      I think it’s a lot easier said than done sha. May God help us all.

    • Hmm October 15, 2013 at 8:41 PM

      Honestly to all these people that are saying i will leave my husband. You are just saying it just to say it. when it happens your perspective will change. If you love a man with all your heart it will be heard to leave him. My dad beat my mom all the time but you know what i was glad my mom stayed. I will probably be wreck less now with a broken home. I honestly respect my mom for that. This was 3 years ago and my dad hasn’t hit my mom ever again. To answer the question I will not leave my husband. Its different if he is beating everyday and he isn’t remorseful but if he beats you or slaps you every 4 months but that’s a different case. Not taking the mans side or any thing but the wife must have done something too. its always some one provoking the other. all these young people saying if my husband beat me its a wrap. I say to you.. it WILL be so hard for you to leave him. Marriage is for better for worse. You are together for a reason because brought you to change that man and that’s what my mom did to my dad. Today my dad is the most respectable man i know.

      • madman October 15, 2013 at 8:55 PM

        Well said – if you have watched your parents pummel each other with slaps and blows, and your dad and/or mom even beat the living day/ crap out of you as a child… why shouldn’t you find a man who will also beat the living day/crap out of it…. Don’t you get it? It’s a cycle that should continue… those kind of people don’t deserve any happiness…. bloody sickos!!! Marriage is NOT by force.

        • Okechukwu Ofili October 15, 2013 at 10:11 PM

          lol…madman you don talk am jare. Some comments are jaw
          dropping.

        • meme October 16, 2013 at 4:52 AM

          lol been reading your comments and they are hilarious..MADMAN

      • slice October 15, 2013 at 8:57 PM

        the only thing i can say about whether you’d have been a wreck if she left is your mom left after the beatings, you probably wouldn’t have grown up to think staying is ok. But look what she created by staying. mmmmh. God have mercy

      • Mz Socially Awkward... October 15, 2013 at 9:08 PM

        … And there you have it. The moral lesson to all of us women that we NEED to understand the examples we are setting for the generation of young girls whom we will either birth, raise, mentor or train. You stay in a house where a man hits/cheats on/abuses you and your daughter may grow into a woman who sees this action as being acceptable.

        @Hmm, your story up there just gave me serious food for thought.

        • wow October 15, 2013 at 11:44 PM

          you guys are funny my parents have been married 22 years. He stopped beating my mom because he knew real men don’t beat their wives. I will not stay if my parents beat me. My cousin didn’t grow up with a dad and she is pregnant at 18. i mean everyone has their own opinion. i didn’t condone my dad beating my mom so get that. Really honestly only GOD Will advice me if am ever in that situation my mom was a pastor and GOD directed her what to say. THINK WHAT YOU WANT I DON’T CARE ONLY GOD WILL TELL ME WHAT TO DO NOT COMMENTS OR OPINIONS.

        • Omo October 16, 2013 at 12:06 AM

          Longevity doesn’t equal success. You do care. Your comment obviously shows that you care. Especially the last sentence. You brought out your story by yourself and seeing people tell you your carefully constructed family life is all shades of wrong stung a bit and you are defensive. He figured out real men don’t hit their wives. When he was doing it all those years? Was he a fake man? Don’t make excuses for your dad and don’t commend him for stopping to beat your mum. This is a classic case of an a traumatic childhood. When they start to look for the good in their abusive fathers or mother. I feel sorry for you though. If that’s all you have ever known, it is difficult for total strangers to suddenly tell you it is not ideal. My neighbour’s child got pregnant at 16 and both parents are still together. Broken homes is not equal to teenage pregnancy. Many children from broken homes and single parent homes turn out brilliantly. Your attitude to domestic violence proves that your mum should have left and taken you out of that home. Now you see nothing wrong with it. You even gave it a timeline. Get help please before you marry an even bigger monster than the one you lived with. Love does not hurt. Domestic violence is not acceptable. Whether he is remorseful or it is every 4 months. You don’t know if the man you meet will be the one who will kill you. Titi Arowolo may have had your mentality. She is 6 feet under today

      • Abana October 15, 2013 at 9:16 PM

        Your dad is the most respectable man you know?! You ma’m do not know the meaning of respectable.

      • That African Chic October 15, 2013 at 9:18 PM

        wow you even have an acceptable range of time for the beatings to occur. Ask your Mum if she is a happy person

        • Idak October 16, 2013 at 11:09 AM

          I am sure there is even an acceptable weight for the
          slaps.

      • Omo October 15, 2013 at 9:20 PM

        You see why the anonymity of the internet is so scary. Please do you have brothers so that we can tell women to steer clear of them. Your brothers will beat their wives and the poor women can’t even report their husband to his family. Mo gbe. Your type of woman who think it is okay should be the one who marries your brothers. Please, please. I beg of you. Any woman who wants to marry your brothers please tell them this story so at least they know what they are in for. If their husband slaps them 2 days after the wedding, they won’t be shocked and confused.

        • Mz Socially Awkward... October 15, 2013 at 9:42 PM

          @Omo, GBAM!! See, me sef no even need make she tell any woman anything, e fit hard make e talk am with mouth, all I ask for is the last name of the family. Just the last name and I can unravel the rest of the mystery from there in the event of any man bearing such a name wey come begin find my sister, relative, friend or even neighbour sef. Das all I ask for.

      • Ummm.... October 15, 2013 at 9:30 PM

        Your mom stayed only because she didn’t know any better.

      • I Rock October 15, 2013 at 9:34 PM

        You my friend, sound very pathetic. Your dad stopped beating your mom because he is getting older and no longer has the strength to beat her up like he used to (which is usually the case with men who abuse their wives for years but stop as they get much older). Besides, y’all are grown ups so he might not easily get away with it if he beats her up again.

        Some “worship” the state of being called a Mrs so and so more than they worship God who ordained marriage to be very beautiful, fun, loving, happy, fruitful and every wonderful thing you can ever think of. Being from a broken home is not the worst thing that can happen to anyone, rather, dying in the hands of someone you supposedly loved is. With reasoning like yours, am beginning to understand why some Nigerian men feel that too many Nigerian women are very desperate and therefore treat them like crap. They know that no matter how they treat and belittle their wives, their wives will stay in the marriage and even if their wives leave, other women will replace them immediately and justify marrying an abusive man by saying that some women talk to much, thereby, provoking their husbands to violence.

        If your husband slaps you a few weeks after getting married and you decide to stay, that’s okay because everyone has what they will or will not tolerate in marriage but justifying your staying with comments like; “Its different if he is beating everyday and he isn’t remorseful but if he beats you or slaps you every 4 months but that’s a different case. Not taking the mans side or any thing but the wife must have done something too. its always some one provoking the other” is VERY VERY SCARY. Best believe that a man that can slap his wife will likely do more than just slap her in future.

      • Sugabelly October 15, 2013 at 10:47 PM

        Olodo. Slaps and beatings are better than living with a single parent?

        Olodos will neve finish in Nigeria.

        • Jo! October 16, 2013 at 10:07 AM

          Sugabelly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Fola October 16, 2013 at 4:32 AM

        I wasnt going to comment till I saw this response. Honey, Domestic violence is domestic violence whether it happens once, every three months or every day. It just takes one time for someone to hit you you fall the wrong way and you die…THATS IT! Your done! You say its great your mum stayed…My question for you, is that would you stay! What would happen to you if your husband hits you and you fall the wrong way and you die, what happens to your kids! Even if you dont value yourself, think about them? Note, you cant change anyone and it shouldnt be up to you to change ANYONE! ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE PEOPLE! I dont condone domestic violence of any kind, its a cycle that needs to be stopped all around the world but especially in Africa (where things are often overlooked) not only in marriages, committed relationships too! Its time to put an end to wedding bands and black eyes! Please abeg WE NEED TO LOVE OURSELVES MORE, LOVE OURSELVES TO KNOW WE DONT DESERVE TO BE HIT, BROKEN AND BATTERED!

      • Kia October 16, 2013 at 8:57 AM

        I feel sorry for the woman who will marry your brother if you have one. Obviously there will be no family meeting called if he hits her becos to you guys it’s normal! You don’t realize how damaged your have become by what you saw in your parents marriage.

      • Emma October 16, 2013 at 3:09 PM

        This is the best comment have come across..

      • sade A October 16, 2013 at 10:36 PM

        this is just such a jaw dropping view on domestic
        violence.. I always say women are their worst enemies. how do you
        applaud your mother for staying and saying you turned out a better
        person because of it??? HOW??????? As in i dont understand some
        people..Gawd!!!

      • ogeAdiro October 17, 2013 at 2:01 AM

        Nigerians can say hurtful things sometimes. Una comments worry…oh. This is surely no way to talk to someone who’s been through such a childhood. Una need try show a little sensitivity. Sharp sharp we don carry her entire family enter the matter. And we are better than the wife beaters because the damage we do is not physical?

        • Mz Socially Awkward... October 17, 2013 at 11:02 AM

          But ogeAdiro, she also made some very provocative comments herself, not so?
          “Honestly to all these people that are saying i will leave my husband. You are just saying it just to say it. when it happens your perspective will change.” Really? And then she justfies that comments by continuing with…
          “My dad beat my mom all the time but you know what i was glad my mom stayed.” Amazing. And this is one woman’s take on her mother’s experience of domestic violence.
          “Not taking the mans side or any thing but the wife must have done something too. its always some one provoking the other.” Okay oh, if this is the party line we’re now using as an excuse, why don’t we adopt this law as part of normal society and just walk around slapping and punching each other at the slightest hint of provocation?? I would really like to know.

          Her own comment get as e be.

        • OgeAdiro October 17, 2013 at 2:59 PM

          Mz Socially Awkward…, obviously with all due respect to her, her comments go get K-leg(love my K-leg people). She’s the victim of an abusive childhood and she’s found a way to cope. I think it’s now up to you well adjusted individuals who were lucky to grow up in good homes, to build her up.

      • oversabi October 17, 2013 at 1:42 PM

        Dear Hmm, this is a wrong view that you have here. Were your parents Christians, did your mum enjoy being beaten? Have you tot about how she may/could have lost her life or sanity at that point in time. You need therapy/counseling my dear. It is not acceptable and you should correct that notion; if not, u would tend towards dating abusive men, and even when you probably get lucky to meet someone who is not abusive, you would wonder if he is sane not to abuse you. A friend once told me that though there are 99% insane men out there but from the remaining 1%, she would meet that one who would treat her right. There are women who enjoy being married, after all all fingers are not equal and yours shouldn’t be d shortest. If a man needs to train his hands to war, the wall is a worthy opponent to start with. Your mother’s destiny is not the same as yours.

      • Yolo October 17, 2013 at 5:22 PM

        BellaNaija please dedicate a post specially to children raised in abused homes. That in its own is a deadly issue. Hmmm confirms it. Imagine if she has brothers…they will be certified, professional A1 wife beaters. We need to talk about these things. How do we even begin to help this people? Someone needs to start a foundation or something.

        • slice October 17, 2013 at 7:16 PM

          no no no. i get the point about how abuse affects children but just cause someone witnessed abuse does not condemn them to a life of an abuser. some people become what they see and others swear to be different. We wouldn’t say a girl who was molested will molest others. so lets not condemn men who did nothing wrong but happened to grow up in violent homes

      • missNk October 19, 2013 at 2:41 AM

        my dear, your mum stayed because she it was all she knew. The first and last time my dad raised his hand to my mum and slapped her, (after 19years of marriage) my dad was the one who ended up in hospital and needed stitches as well(my mum grew up with boys, lol). When he eventually returned home, he had to go around to each of my uncles and beg them literally. He spent weeks begging and apologising to my mum, I and my sisters (I’m the first and I was about 14). It has never happened again because my mum made it clear and if she had left because of that, I would have fully supported her. My dear, a man beating you is never okay, don’t make excuses for your dad, he did wrong.

    • Ummm.... October 15, 2013 at 9:28 PM

      Some Nigerian women are so accustomed to being insignificant that they will need to ask questions as to why a man put his hand on a woman. Men were put on earth to lead, provide for, and protect women; and not discipline them. Did something happen to your wife’s father, that you felt the need to become not just her husband but her displinarian. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR A MAN TO PUT HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN. Men are stronger/more powerful than women, or at least suppose to be. A man excercises that strength/power when he walks away from what could be a terrible situation. When a man and his friend have a disagreement, does he start whooping his ass, no…because more than likely his friend will put up a fair fight. Now because the woman is deemed the weaker being, why would a man feel it appropriate to lay his hands on something so delicate.

      • Dunni Obata October 15, 2013 at 9:57 PM

        Thank you o. It is the why part I don’t understand. Why the
        questions? What can fa? Any reason behind madness. Am I a
        psychologist or a psychiatrist that I will be asking questions. Did
        I beat myself, that I will be asking questions. Yoruba people will
        say, Se mo fi egba e le e lowo. That is to say, did I leave the
        cane for her in your hands. Queens English – I didn’t discipline
        her well enough, I passed the baton to you. Try your hands on me
        and my Father will be on the next bus, ship, plane, keke napep,
        train, okada to get me out of there. Then my mother will arrange
        the entire battalion of her siblings, (did I mention that she has
        39 of them) to deal with the man and his entire family. As for
        @hmmmmn. You need therapy dear. You had a terrible childhood.
        Watching your father beat your mum is something no child should
        ever witness. You can rewrite your own history my dear. Never
        tolerate it from a man. The vicious cycle of your parent’s marriage
        will never continue with you. When it is not generational
        curse.

    • Zlatana Wikowksa October 15, 2013 at 9:49 PM

      You slap me, i stab you in the stomach. Case closed. If you
      survive we get a divorce! If not well, your family and i battle it
      out in court! Nothing to loose!

      • Dunni Obata October 15, 2013 at 10:01 PM

        I thought I had craze. Mehn your own takes the cake.
        ROTFLAMO. Dunni you shouldn’t be laughing. Domestic Violence is a
        serious issue. Off to say my prayers now.

      • lily October 15, 2013 at 10:31 PM

        see u ,dats man slaughter, police in jan go tell u y no
        report, u say self defence dat 1 na court case and it a whole lot
        of investigation

    • Faith October 15, 2013 at 9:57 PM

      Ehen! I have never seen my father hit my mum ever. And that
      has formed the basis for my decisions. Is my dad not a man with
      emotions and he was Able to Control them? So therefore, any Man I
      would have anything to do with should be ready to be a MAN and not
      some boy. If you only imagine it,let alone try to experiment it, I
      will not only give it to you in good measure, I shall send you
      packing. Who will leave the house for you? Me?! Never!! The one
      that wants to act possessed needs to go. And for those that are
      saying, all these na mouth okay naww, , marry my type first and
      see. . It did not exist in my father’s house and I can therefore
      not tolerate it in my own home. Enough is enough. We better stand
      now or else risk our daughters going thru the same. If I cant do it
      for myself, I will for my children at least. Worriz all this
      nonsense..Mstcheewww. . Before I rant out of my phone and appear on
      the site

    • Okechukwu Ofili October 15, 2013 at 10:09 PM

      Irony is that these wifebeaters, will be forming Voltron
      (with Blazing Sword) when their sisters get touched.
      #hypocrites

      • Lizzie October 16, 2013 at 4:52 PM

        Don’t mind them oh. There was a case where one beat his girlfriend in his house in front of his mother and he wasn’t even sorry, saying that chic was rude to him. if i was there that day ehn…. i leave the rest unsaid.
        Another thing that baffles me is why women are quick to replace wives who left their homes despite knowing the man’s violent history. Can’t women come together and reject those fools, make them pariahs that no lady wants?

    • Suyacrush October 15, 2013 at 10:21 PM

      I love BN! Serious analysis going on, most women seems like
      fighters here o!

    • Caligula October 15, 2013 at 10:38 PM

      LEAVE

    • lily October 15, 2013 at 10:45 PM

      well every1 here said their own mind but really the answer comes wen we find ourselves in such situation. God help us all make d right choice.Amen

    • B October 15, 2013 at 11:47 PM

      I’m so glad this issue is being raised here. I agree with many comments regarding the fact that there will always be signs of abuse to come.
      I was in such a relationship previously. And when the slaps arrived at 3am one night, I called a taxi and that’s the last I saw him.
      Though he had never previously slapped me, looking back, I can see signs I should have taken more serious.
      A man just doesn’t start slapping because he’s angry on one occasion. There are always signs that shouldn’t just be shrugged off after an apology and maybe a few gifts!

    • I tried to erase this memory October 15, 2013 at 11:53 PM

      Throught my childhood and early teenage yrs, dad wld get drunk and beat the crap out of my gentle mum. He wld tear her clothes. That stopped when I and my brother ‘grew up’. He tried to hit her as usual but i and my little brother held him down on the floor, ready to fight him, we told him that if he tries it, we will deal with him. That night, I cried very hard and asked God for mercy for fighting my dad. Pls don’t judge my mum for not leaving. Men shldnt hit the ones they are supposed to protect. :(

      • slice October 16, 2013 at 12:29 AM

        I don’t judge your mum for staying. Some of. Our mums stayed cause there was no other way to provide plus they wouldn’t have been allowed to take the children anyway. If u leave, u leave ur kids with a monster. At least if she is there, he can beat her instead of u guys and u guys will be fed

    • l....... October 16, 2013 at 12:30 AM

      I will leave…I know this thing first hand cos this is the story of my family, I watched my dad beat, cheat and abuse my mum.
      He had ( still has a known mistress in the neighbourhood- been together for 28 years, she is his wife inshort. It’s so bad) I just wonder how we became so irrelevant to him…once my brothers were bold enough and asked him what his relationship was with the woman, he said they were just friends. imagine
      The last time he tried beating her was like 10years ago, and one of my brothers intervened and warned him to never ever try it again and guess how he was punished by depriving him of his allowances in the university, Gosh my brother suffered. I am the last of 5 children, my mum was being beaten steady even before I was born, I know this first hand..my mum said one day he hit her on the head and she passed out, everytime she ran back home with her children my grandma would “encourage” her to go back. My mum is pushing 60, the only thing that has stopped is just the physical abuse. every other thing is still very much there. I watched mum turn from a sweet jolly woman to a bitter agressive woman. The only consolation is her kids are doing well. It is so bad I can write a book on it. I knew I was going to have a great marriage ( If I wanted to) . I started making mental notes of what I didnt want in a man as early as 10. My sister is married to a great guy who treats her like a queen, mine wont be an exception. I have learnt a lot from my family. no one deserves to be unhappy. Life should be enjoyed either single or married. Did I even mention that my Dad’s mistress and my brother were sent to d same secondary school…He knew about the affair way before anyone, he couldnt tell anyone and was always failing at school. Wo, my story is a superstory o. I deserve to be happy. Iran meta o ntosi.

      • meme October 16, 2013 at 5:27 AM

        same thing here. My dad did not beat my mum a lot but the mental abuse, the neglect, shouting and other things that devil on earth did to my mum and my siblings. If I meet a man that has half of my father’s character I will run! like I said before, I rather be single than live an abusive life.

      • lily October 19, 2013 at 2:34 AM

        i feel ur story, an experience to learn from. it is well with you

    • holla October 16, 2013 at 12:37 AM

      Hmm till this very minute i still have the memory of my Dad
      physically abusing my Mum even though i was just six then n my
      younger bro was just six months,Its nt a gud experience at all…
      he damaged her physically n mentally.Even after she left him (when
      ha siblings couldnt take it anymore)she never remain the same so
      many scars.I’ve always prayed to God that I or any of my Sisters
      never end up with a man like my father.Wifebeaters dont repent he
      did d same thing to his second wife b4 she left n d same wit his
      current wife. Ladies if ur man is a potential wifebeater run as
      fast as the various means of transportation can carry
      you>>Beeni#mytwocent

    • Ib October 16, 2013 at 12:48 AM

      Madam is giving a tongue in cheek advice here. You pple
      should calm down jare. @Marie,the one who us without sin,thank God
      you are not a Nigerian.

    • hui October 16, 2013 at 12:51 AM

      My friend got married last year, 6 months into the marriage
      the guy beat her .She called the cops, took him to court and
      divorced his sorry ass! for ladies that live in Naija it is harder
      to leave.We have a failed justice system, judgemental people and a
      culture that puts the blame on the woman.In obodo oyibo, it is
      easier.

    • jennietobbie October 16, 2013 at 1:40 AM

      I’m out. No questions!!

    • Ms Catwalq October 16, 2013 at 1:42 AM

      The reasons that I come across why women do not leave domestic situations:
      a) Economic reasons
      The women do not have any means of supporting themselves. Possibly they weren’t in a position to do so either before the marriage and saw the union as a means to get some financial stability. Throw in young children with constant financial needs and care and they panic at the thought of doing it on their own. Remember women of our parents generation typically married “up” and so did not do as much do as much to empower themselves (limited education and exposure). Many of you will hear from mothers whose first car was bought by their husband…marriage introduced them to comforts and material provisions that they did not have in their parents home. For some, it was as simple as having a room to oneself. Your own bathroom. Your own kitchen. Your own bed. You would be surprised what many women fear when they do not have the economics to support themselves and their children. And yet, we still continue to raise a generation of women who learn to read and write, solely that they can find jobs in companies and offices where they can meet the men who will take care of them.
      This is also the reason why families send them back; they see the woman and her offspring as a financial burden that they will in turn have to care for. Nigeria is a not a country where you can sue you spouse for spousal/child support so when you leave, you leave with whatever you have which in most cases like this, is nothing.

      b) Stigma of a broken home
      When my parents marriage ended (no violence, just irreconcilable issues), some “well-meaning” family member called me to advise me to prevail on my parents to stay together because as he put it, I was now of age to be married and did I want my future husband’s family to say when they met me that I was from a broken home?
      I replied that I would rather they understood that while I understood that my parents had stayed together for years out of duty and obligation, I hoped they could find a second chance in their golden years and that that should be a sign that I do not believe in bullshit unions. So, if I ain’t happy with your son, and he ain’t with me, we keep it to stepping.
      He was not amused at my response. I think he thought I would panic at the thought of what “people would say”. I was more interested in whether or not my parents were happy on their own.
      If your marriage is successful, people will talk. If it fails, people will talk. If you don’t get married, people will talk. Why not just do what makes you happy and safe?

      c) Religion
      Let’s face it. If there is one thing that orthodox religions drummed in, it was that “God does not like divorce”. “Pray and get closer to God”.
      I have never subscribed to that notion; possibly because I do not belong to any orthodox path. Like you had somehow fled God’s side the moment that slap dislodged two molars. For me, marriage is a socio-economic institution. We attach alot of things like “love” and “emotion” to it so that we can be better vested in its outcome which in essence is about the protection of tradition, culture and the transfer of property.
      I always wondered what I would say when I finished my incarnation and showed up for my judgement and was asked how I spent my life. I sure as hell, didn’t want to be talking about how I endured all manner of abuse (possibly what even resulted in me appearing before my expected due date) and lived a life of fear, sorrow, regret, worry and pain. I am sure God would just shake his head and be like, “Child, you IS some special kind of idiot.”
      If you would not stay in a place being constantly shelled by war artillery, why stay in an environment of similar activity? Today, a slap. Tomorrow, an insult. Next, he/she controls your words, thoughts and actions and reduces you to a sniveling, indecisive, panicked half-human….

      d) People who would ask you what you did to bring on the assault
      They make you doubt your initial human response which is to flee the trouble. The absolve him/her of any wrongdoing and make you culpable in your own attack. Kind of like people asking a rape victim what she was wearing or why she was where she was when she got assaulted.
      The moment you doubt and rationalise, you are going back. And will continue to do so.

      e) Culture of Silence
      Commenters before me have indicated that they would stay because their mother stayed. There are many more who have not commented, and have just read who are staying because their mother/sister/aunt stayed.
      None of these “staying women” ever shamed their assaulter. None of them, ever packed up and left and let the world know why. They “weighed their options”; stayed and hoped they would make it alive to see their grand-kids. Hopefully, the blows weren’t close to the part of the brain associated with sight and so, as they are still alive, they will see their grand-kids. However, these kids will never know that somewhere in their family is/was a terror and that such behaviour is not right.

      For those who will say, that one can only know when one is finds oneself in the situation (God Forbid); I can speak from a place of authority because I have been hit before. It was not by a spouse but by a family member whom I loved and trusted. I was 21 and can not even begin to explain the sense of fear, panic, disorientation and trauma that I experienced that night; flash forward a few minutes later, with my head throbbing from the blows and me not knowing if any internal organs had been broken inside of me, I was thrown out with my things. In a country, I knew no one…(don’t even let’s get started on violence on Nigerian women abroad). It was past midnight.
      I was lucky, I had somewhere to go. Till this day, I know he was stunned that I never came back to beg. I was told to. His wife used to come back, until her leg was broken and she knew she had enough. And the extended family asked me what I did. I told them, I definitely did not do anything to warrant the kind of brushing that a mass murderer deserved; cos even thieves don’t get knocked like that.
      I swore: the next man that lays a hand on me is prepared to die and I make that statement known to any and all. I am not playing. I thought I was going to die during the attack and I am not going through that ever again. I don’t care who you are.

      Start by setting your boundaries. From me to him:
      While I wouldn’t want a string of men in my life, I am not afraid to divorce you. I didn’t marry you early anyways so, you should know I ain’t afraid to return to the single hustle. I am not keeping up appearances for no one.
      You will treat me with respect and care. I will do the same to you.
      You get angry, take a walk. No insults. No raised voices and definitely, no raised hands or objects. I get angry, I do the same.
      Our home will be a place of love, laughter, care and respect. For me, for you and for whatever offspring we are blessed to have.
      Talk. I cannot read your mind. Otherwise, I would be into some kind of witchcraft and be making much more money than I am now. You don’t like something, say it. Politely. I will do the same.

      Honour these agreements and I will honour you. Don’t, and it was nice knowing you. Don’t slam the door on the way out. Wait, you thought, I would move out? Say wetin? Nah men. Quit playing.

      • Mz Socially Awkward... October 16, 2013 at 10:32 AM

        Nwa nne m, were aka (my sister, shake my hand). You have
        made all kinds of sense with your necessarily lengthy comment up
        there. All kinds of straight- talking sense.

      • Suzey October 16, 2013 at 10:21 PM

        This. Right.Here….. I’m speechless. A thousand heartfelt hugs. Don’t know u but I so love u for this. No homo:)

      • nwanyi na aga aga October 17, 2013 at 2:29 PM

        while being very humorous you made valid points. I love you sista. The one that got me cracking is ‘I always wondered what I would say when I finished my incarnation and showed up for my judgement and was asked how I spent my life. I sure as hell, didn’t want to be talking about how I endured all manner of abuse (possibly what even resulted in me appearing before my expected due date) and lived a life of fear, sorrow, regret, worry and pain. I am sure God would just shake his head and be like, “Child, you IS some special kind of idiot.”. Best comment ever. You should be a rap artist.

      • LolaLove October 19, 2013 at 5:28 AM

        I love this comment!…God bless you and may he bring you the man of your dreams (that’s if he already hasn’t).
        P.S- you sound like the kind of person I’d love to be friends with :)

      • su-su November 2, 2013 at 12:36 PM

        you are the “brilliantest” of them all!

    • Kostas October 16, 2013 at 1:59 AM

      Simply put if a man slaps you….you don’t know where that will lead. Case in point; this woman presumably ran back to her parents house because this man slapped her or worse. And what did he do after? He chased her and poured acid on her. lindaikeji.blogspot.ca/2013/10/graphic-photo-man-allegedly-murders.html If you like stay with a man who slaps you. When he brings worse your way, abi na you go suffer in the marriage. When the man kills you, abi you’ll remember your vows of “Til death do us part”. Tschew. Have no time for stupid women who tolerate such rubbish. My mother was beaten ONCE and only ONCE by her ex-husband. She packed her bags and hustled with her son, until she met my own father and has now been happily married for over 28yrs. She has told me and my sisters this story since we were old enough to know it. In fact let me open my mouth and say I will tolerate even one slap from my husband….my own mother will be the one to slap the sense back into me.

    • not cool October 16, 2013 at 4:12 AM

      A man that slaps you b4 marriage plssssss break up with him because he will do time 100 of that when you marry him. If he slaps you after marriage don’t endure it, run for your life because it will continue, after saying sorry he will repeat the same thing. If you endure it saying he will change hmmm lips sealed… My mum was married to my dad for over 26yrs and stayed and endured in the marriage saying he will change after saying million sorry still he will repeat the same thing and got worst. Move to states from Nigeria, it got worst. Still my mum will beg my brothers and I not to inform the cops or tell our friends. Even when her siblings come over to pack her stuff and tell her to move out of the house my dad will beg and beg and she will change her mind… This continued for years until one day he threatened to kill her with a gun then she decided to run for her life. They have been separated for almost 10yrs now my mum has been a single mother since but guess what? My dad is married living life… If my mum had left earlier maybe she won’t be alone now, maybe she won’t have end up alone and also have the opportunity to enjoy the sweetness of been married.
      This affected me most being the only girl because I had to stay with her. While my brothers went to school far away and lived out of state, I had to stay back has a female so won’t be lonely. Most of my teenage days, I never had friends because I don’t want my friends to know. She stayed in my room. We were like roommates. I never had friends over or lived like a regular girl. I personally had to teach myself how to love a man and tell GOD everyday till this morning not to give a husband like my dad but a husband who will be a dad to me. My childhood memories are horrible. Thank GOD my brothers didn’t turn out the same way… Anytime we ask her why she stayed in an abusive marriage for years? Her reply was “Tori awon omo ni” Even the “Awon Omo” left and lived their lives. Now she’s alone and the so called “dad” has a partner. …
      Please ladies don’t for one minute consider staying in an abusive marriage. Don’t think of any reason whatsoever to stay; “He will change” “because of the children” “He wasn’t like this before we started” . Oh girl (In Toke’s voice) Trust me one day if you don’t kill him, he will kill you. when you die, he will live his life and the children will take care of him and come dumb flowers at your grave crying. If you kill him, if you don’t end up in jail you will die of frustration. If a guy intentionally steps on my toes, I am long gone oo. That man will see GOBE before I leave too. Hot Grits will land on his face. Come to think of it, a man who is not an animal shouldn’t think of beating a woman no matter what not to talk of his wife he claim he loves.

    • Vivian October 16, 2013 at 5:03 AM

      The scary thing about occasional or once in 4months slap is that it usually doesn’t end there. It escalates to blows then using his belt or the kitchen pestle then eventually cutting u up one day or setting you ablaze or forcing acid down your throat. Almost every other week there’s a story in the news of how a man (or woman) killed their spouse. Leave while u still can before it’s too late. Those who aren’t married yet, look very carefully before you leap!

    • meme October 16, 2013 at 5:13 AM

      AHHH. I still remember how my dad used to disturb my mom and they used to fight..one night they had a heated argument so my dad felt he had the right to smash my mom’s new cell phone which he didn’t buy and slapped her. Mummy dearest went downstairs and brought up the axe (she was a caterer).babe announced to us that she was going to break my dad’s head. the house help and i tried to push her away but she kicked us and used the handle to hit my dad’s leg and he started begging. mind you this was not the first time my dad was acting stupid so she had to show him she’s not weak. he’s not living with us anymore thanks to her moving us to a new country. So how much can a woman take ? I know personally and I have told my mum that I am ready to be single if all I find are men with aggressive tendencies because I’m not as strong as her, na only mouth I get. If a man slaps me I will leave or maybe call my mum to use axe on his head lol

      • Mrs October 16, 2013 at 11:13 PM

        @lizzy..God will strethen u. Its not easy.. It is well. rememba to pray always..nd advice Lmao! u r funny abeg “babe announce she wud break his head”..lool! i totally feel u jare. God will help us to find only Good men. the aggresive ones will NOT come our way. Amen.

    • Eve82 October 16, 2013 at 7:33 AM

      Knowing what I know now, I will definitely leave. No two ways about it!

    • fairygodsister October 16, 2013 at 8:26 AM

      My parents argued/disagreed/quarreled but my father NEVER touched my mom. She never ‘left and came back’. As children, they would spank my brother for fighting us girls, asking him to take on his mates (boys) in class if he wanted to exercise his muscles; I don’t see him touching anyone violently.

      They taught me that in most cases, a man doesn’t just wake up and start beating his wife, there must have been signs. Walk away from the man who doesn’t hesitate to yell at you, in private and (especially) in public. Walk away. You will not die if you don’t get married that year.

      The man who will hit me hasn’t been born, my parents told us (my sister and I) that so much that it’s a part of me.

      Final word? If he hits you once, he will hit you again. And again, and again. And when you die (because the chances that he will kill you are high), someone will preach to him, he will get born again, and God (being God) will wipe his slate clean. You, my darling, would be dead.

      http://fairygodsister.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/the-wrong-kind-of-the-wrong-thing-called-violence/ (wrote about this in 2012)

    • Love was shacking me... October 16, 2013 at 8:29 AM

      @Hmmmm, thank you for giving me the backbone I need to stand by my decision. I cried when I read your comment cause I can not let my daughter have this same view (please, I am not judging you because your mum’s time is different from ours).
      I can not let my baby girl grow up to see this kind of life and accept it as the norm. It was not the norm in my household. My son cries and tries to use his small hands to shield his mother, but I can not have him pick up these habits. This was no longer about me, I had to protect these kids. Ladies, have your own money…have a job, a supportive family. Being married to a violent person will destroy you. I started off tuning down my “western tendencies” and argued less, reduced my opinions and just tried to mirror the typical wife as they called it. Yet he continued. I had enough and began the transition. I was called names by inlaws, threatened even but I stood my ground. The barking was only from afar because they knew my family are filled with bulldogs who do not take nonsense. Plus, I have a job so it helped. I am not depriving him of a relationship with these children but they will be under my full care. When they brought up tradition says this and that, I told them tradition will buy them air tickets when I hoist my babies out of their reach. They had better settle for what I am offering and when he marries again, he will learn to treat his wife like a human being.
      I did not look well, I said oh no the rage will subside and it never did (love was shacking me na). I blame me for putting my leg into the fire. Heck, this was used against me. I answered them back by saying, my eyes have cleared.

      My children and I are better off without so much hate in our lives.

      • Lizzie October 16, 2013 at 5:03 PM

        Kudos girl! you did the best thing and God will keep you and your babies in his perfect peace. As for his family? i have no words, they all will reap what they have sown in good measure.

      • Homebody October 16, 2013 at 6:03 PM

        Thank you! I’m getting out ASAP! I’ve tried to dumb myself down to please him but it’s still not worked and only served to make me a shell of my former self. I have a 1year old and presently I’m 3months pregnant. Only someone that’s alive can keep wedding vows and take care of the children, I’m the one that’ll give account of my life to God, not him. I’m out, I’ll be praying for him from a separate location. I deserve better!

        • Lizzie October 16, 2013 at 7:48 PM

          Mrs. Homebody, pls be strong and follow through, any man
          that beats a women is evil till infinity, the one that beats a
          pregnant woman is a monster from the pits of no where, leave oh now
          that you can, you will survive biko. God’s grace.

      • Mrs October 16, 2013 at 11:00 PM

        @lizzy..God will strethen u. Its not easy.. It is well.
        rememba to pray always..nd advice young gurls u find around u also,
        many use “love” to make so many mistakes.. it is a sad thng for
        children to witness their dad beating their mum up! Terrible thing!
        so sorry. Stay strong.

    • lynni October 16, 2013 at 10:15 AM

      I just have to comment. i feel the problem we have in this generation is not paying attention to relevant things during courtship, we focus on just the romance and forget courtship is meant for you to get to know your partner and his background, i have heard someone say i dont care about ur past what matters is you now and in my opinion that is bullcrap. i am from a home where my has father NEVER chastised, shouted, rebuked or argued with my mum in front of us, same goes for my mum. It was even as bad as, when my dad had to discipline (like the teacher he is) us my mum will never come to our rescue or try to stop him instead she will walk away (i so hated her for that lol…). i used to think they never had issues or they were too scared or held by something not to confront each other or something like that but now i know better cos 24 yrs into their marriage they have adopted the style of settling their differences at night when we are all asleep and wouldnt hear them (found that out some years back) recently dad had to open up and say to me and my siblings that his reason for dropping the cane was because of our mum not because he wanted to. This two are not saints but they understand the effects their action could have on their kids and they decided to handle issues like matured adults. FYI my dad is from an abusive broken home but my mum still married him she says he had issues with what an ideal family should be like but during their courtship she thought him by conversation, going for family meetings and inviting him over to her own home where things were apparently normal (all this he did cos he loves her and was willing to make things work), though she still admits that he still got some traces but am sure she is learnt the antidote (my mum got issues too big ones at that). My point, courtship should be taken seriously if it is long more time for one to learn, if it is short one should be extra careful as not to miss these signs. Get interested, ask questions (na onye ajuju ada efu uzo-he who asks questions dont miss their way) dont be carried away by ur partner’s “niceness” you can even stage scenarios to test their reactions. and there is no such thing as “pushed off the cliff” it is better you fall and save your marriage or the other way round. And lastly marriage is meant for two matured people not babies. matured people manage crisis well, babies get swallowed by crisis. BTW i will leave him.

      • Idak October 16, 2013 at 11:12 AM

        My dear, leave all this grammar. You can court for 10 years
        and the man slaps you two days after the 10th year of courting.
        Issues of relationships are not decoded in textbooks.Leave all that
        story of abusers having being abused in the past or growing up in
        abusive homes. It does not always follow.

        • slice October 16, 2013 at 2:08 PM

          i agree not everyone in a bad relationship saw it
          coming

    • Older and Wiser October 16, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      Man this is some deep discussion. All points have been touched. Just want to say that the worst reason for staying with a violent man is saying you are doing it for your kids. Just a list of what your kids lose:

      - the sense of assurance and confidence that comes from living in a caring and safe environment
      - they learn to start keeping secrets as they know they have to keep the beatings secret
      - a big sense of shame which they feel accountable for
      - worrying about your safety, a burden you should not put on any child
      - belief that this abnormal behaviour is normal – no normal person should want their kids to grow up accepting beatings or being a violent person.
      - your kids may be left without a parent.

      You should leave, no further questions asked or explanations sought.

    • chei October 16, 2013 at 1:15 PM

      charity they say begins at home,a man that beats his wife
      was definetely not properly trained and if you can trace back to
      the background,someone has that tendency in his family.No matter
      how angry you get as a man,u never lay ur hands on a woman.I am a
      woman and I know some women can actually be annoying but there are
      better ways to tame them and you end up having the upper hand as a
      guy. Violence and abuse must stop,it’s not onle between husbands
      and wives,even between parents and their children.God help us
      all!

    • Dee October 16, 2013 at 1:17 PM

      I will like to read all the comments but one thing my mum
      always told my dad and I have always told my husband, the day my
      husband will raise his hands to hit me, well first I don’t want to
      go to jail so no murder but trust me the next morning what he will
      wake him up to will be beatings(Madea style hot grits and all)
      while he is chained up in bed as in I will cuff him to the bed
      after I have packed up all my things and beat every violent spirit
      out of him; get him in the right state of mind for his next Mrs.
      and then carry my things and walk out the door. Se fini!!! But to
      make it clear my dad and my husband have never raised their hands
      on their spouses and I thank God for them daily.

    • Dee October 16, 2013 at 1:20 PM

      The truth is there is no reason why adults should resort to
      violence for any reason wether it’s in regards to the same sex or
      the opposite sex and we wonder what is wrong with our senators and
      leaders.

      • Idak October 16, 2013 at 4:58 PM

        I owe you a kiss,irrespective of gender.
        Simple,succinct and straight to the point.

    • Sparkling2013 October 16, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      Ah, this one is simple o, I WILL SLAP HIM RIGHT BACK ni now lolol

      • Peaches October 16, 2013 at 3:13 PM

        Self defence… @sparkling2013 gbaooo

      • slice October 16, 2013 at 3:59 PM

        Be careful about hitting a guy back especially if it’s just you and him in the house. hitting back is good for your ego but it may escalate into a full blown fight and if he’s stronger, you could end up seriously injured or dead. Best thing to do is de-escalate the situation immediately and find an exit. Get reasonable people to help you with moving your stuff at a later time. The most important thing is to stay safe.

        • Fashionista October 17, 2013 at 11:10 AM

          Slice, you are a wise one indeed!

    • Miss Anon October 16, 2013 at 2:12 PM

      I am not and will never be a ride or die chic. If you slap
      me I will leave but I will warn you as I am packing to be alert
      because the slap will be reciprocated by one of my male family
      members.

    • Peaches October 16, 2013 at 3:01 PM

      Ok…. people lets calm down…. I don’t like a wife beater (no pun intended). In as much as BN and team likes to show off the creativity and flamboyant picture gallery of lovely and sweet wedding stories, might I add that there’s also a flip side to it too. It’s a shame that such happened to the lady (black eyed new bride). Domestic Violence is real and its still in the nature of SOME men to do such thing, even though she was at fault or not (its still not cool) . So we dont really know the nature of the story here, but i don’t think it is time for suggestions of leaving or staying to endure violence. I believe, if the lady in question knows what is right or wrong, she will know what to do. Afterall she took the vows, no one took it on her behalf . She has the right to choose to stay or go. However, I am also sure she’s an educated woman who can also defend herself. God help us all…

      *****BN, please do post and offer relationship advice that can help the young ones… Your audience is really wide******

    • tatafo October 16, 2013 at 3:27 PM

      Some of the comments have left me speechless. If my hubby slaps me two weeks after our wedding, I will pack my bags and never come back, no long thing.

    • The Real Madam the Madam October 16, 2013 at 3:44 PM

      This person named Hmm is very silly. God forbid that I or my daughters marry into your type of family. Imagine you have the nerve to say that the woman must have provoked him. If you like stay in your husband’s house and die because you were raised in a family of violent individuals. That is not and will never be my portion. I was so disgusted reading your comment. Tufiakwa!

    • the mane captain October 16, 2013 at 3:47 PM

      as for me, I pray it never happens to me or anyone I know. but I will immediately pack out and go pray from him from my place of hiding/protection. But its important to research the man’s family. if he grew up in an abusive home, chances are that he will have an abusive home as well, unless he’s a devout christian and has been saved. many of the comments here are very heartbreaking. Also, I belive nollywood needs to stop showing domestic violence in their movies. I see it so often that I think it’s normal and common place in Nigeria.
      Domestic violence is never ok, regardless of what the woman did.
      the comment about the man beating the wife for a mere $3,000 which HER own uncle sent to her is just plain ridiculous and demonic.

    • Cat on a hot tin roof October 16, 2013 at 4:59 PM

      It’s quite simple for me. First step, stay away in the immediate aftermath. Second step, if he wants to, get him to see a Christian counsellor (because we are Christian). Third step, we go back to the priest/pastor that conducted our wedding for marriage counselling. Fourth step, get his parents and my parents to sit down and renegotiate the contract – make it clear that beatings are not included and should it repeat itself, the approach would not be so godly. If he goes through those steps willingly, then we’ll give it another go with the understanding that if such event repeats itself then the deal’s off ni.

    • nala October 16, 2013 at 5:35 PM

      Hahahaha! You are a MADMAN for real.

    • D'Mamma October 16, 2013 at 9:13 PM

      I wonder what happened to my hands? I’ll fight him back o. Am not one of those helpless females. I’ll find something like pestle and teach his head a bitter lesson. Ah! what nonsense?!! I wouldn’t leave. When we are done fighting, he may decide to leave.

    • Lolleypop October 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM

      First of all, all you self acclaimed ‘wise’ ones on here are so unbelievably rude!!! Because you hide behind your laptop screen, it’s okay to disrespect people and their private lives that they’ve shared here to air their own OPINIONS??. Shiorr!! Have your opinion on the SUBJECT MATTER, you don’t need to start insulting people’s fathers or mothers. That’s the essence of intelligible discussions/debates. *sigh*

      Meanwhile……. it’s funny to see the new breed of Nigerian we have (unless everyone is just deceiving themselves here sha and wouldn’t take the advice they give if the time comes). PLEASE for GOODNESS SAKE, If you must conform to an institution then don’t bend it’s rules to suit yourself and your own desires! The Nation Nigeria didn’t make up the institution of marriage, GOD did, in the BIBLE….and that same BIBLE has all the RULES of the institution. When you can get divorced n all…. Adultery being the main ish. As smart as we like to believe we are, God made marriage, and he knew what he was doing. He knew there would be something called beating of spouses, just as ordinary human beings beat and kill themselves. As there is greed in the nation, there is greed in marriage etc…. So what are you talking about??? DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION UNLESS AND UNTIL THE BIBLE SAYS IT IS! If you did traditional ‘marriage’…maybe u’re excused, or u did ‘court marriage’….u can be too, but the bulk of the marriages we have today are so called Christian marriages in Church that simple DISRESPECT what God intended to be beautiful.

      I AM NOT FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT ALLLLLL….NO WAY, but if those are the giants you have to face when you get married, then FACE them. LOVE is not an emotion, it is an ACTION. A continuous commitment towards a person regardless of how they treat you…. it sounds far fetched but it is the truth. That’s why most people miss it nowadays. Oh he has a nice job, he’s settled, he treats his mom and sisters well, He’s down to earth, he’s not stingy with me and he’s alright with God = MARRY THAT MAN NOWWWW BEFORE YOU MISS YOUR DESTINY. Come off it! Marriage is wayyyy deeper than what is portrayed today. That’s why nobody is kuku forcing anyone to get married. If you cant keep up with the rules, then kuku stay out of it and keep doing you. But once you enter into something before God, you best believe that you’re meant to be IN IT for life (Better or Worse n all).

      As for what I would do: If the beating is detrimental to my LIFE….I would probably stay for a while in a safe place, like my inlaws place or something and yes, PRAAYYYY. Yes! Proudly Team Stay and Pray! What is it???? To be faithful to God’s word is becoming a crime, not even uncool anymore, in the Lagos of nowadays. It’s high time we stopped feeling too funky with ourselves and give ourselves brain. What is most important in your life, if it’s God, stay committed to that, if it’s not God, don’t come and spoil/twist/distort what is Gods’ in the name of wanting to display your enlightment (possibly also for people to comment under it and say yess you are making sense *smh*).

      unnecessarily long story cut short, Marriage is not for jokes, it is for life. There is NO situation that God cannot turn around. Your enemy isn’t the man you married, it’s the force behind it that’s making him do those things, and for all you know God is just watching to see what you’ll do -Pray or Bail? He will answer your prayers…..admittedly not instantly and so it can be hard (hence the point – marriage is not a small matter). That’s why having a Godless marriage is fatal….well…. maybe most people don’t even put God in, in the first place, that’s why the divorce option is as cheap as choco milo. Without a strong relationship with God, you AINT gonna get a good marriage. And please please please when I say relationship I’m not saying you are the youth pastor or all those things, I mean are you LOVING, PATIENT, KIND, FAITHFUL, LONGSUFFERING etc…do you have FAITH and do you TRUST God. Ehen with all those things, some issues wont even occur in your marriage and when they do they will be resolved.

      LASTLY – for GOODNESS sake, don’t marry someone that has been beating you!!!! It’s really not further maths, jheez…… nobody’s situation is THAT hopeless, the right man WILL come.

      • slice October 17, 2013 at 3:54 AM

        once again, if what you believe is the word of God will not allow you divorce a wife beater, at least physically separate from him. No matter what argument anyone levels against those that say you can divorce as a christian, no one has ever argued that you can’t separate. There’s NOTHING i repeat NOTHING in the bible about separation. Get up and leave the bad environment. If you don’t want to file for divorce, at least leave and if you have kids, take them with you. Enough is Enough. in the bible, when the Jews tried to kill Jesus before his time, he ran. at one point, Paul ran too. took off in a basket over the city gate. you are not more of a christian than those two so run for your life, run for your sanity and if you can’t run for either run for your children and your parents that gave birth to you

        • MImi October 17, 2013 at 9:24 AM

          Please submit your name and surname so that your friends know not to come to you for help when their husbands beat the crap out of them. Also that we know that our daughters should not marry your sons, because we will give your family a healthy, breathing, happy child and you turn her into a broken woman, a shell of herself or worse, dead. I am sure Titi Arowolo had friends or family like you and she is dead now. A gbe Bible sori, a boko ku. Love anyone no matter how they treat you. Which brand of weed are you smoking? If you don’t think of yourself, all well and good but what about your children. Or the Bible didn’t teach you to show your children the best example of motherhood, or it didn’t tell you to protect your children from the trauma of watching their mother being beaten and ending up like @Hmmmn who said it is okay, as long as it is not everyday, every 4 months or so, as long as he is sorry. Anyone who puts but after the statement, I don’t support Domestic Violence is talking with two sides of their mouth. You may as well say, I don’t support Murder but, I don’t supoort stealing from the government but, I don’t support rape, but. Oshico

      • Love was shacking me... October 17, 2013 at 6:35 AM

        Y’all understand why no one goes to the Naija Church for counseling anymore. If you were my pastor, I would have been dead by now (well he said the same thing). I pray you do not make the mistakes some of us stupidly made. I pray you are living on the straight and narrow and truly by His Word. Too many men of God decking their wives and using them as punching bags, then saying what you have said. I smile because the good Lord saved me from advice like yours and now I am free. I worship Him without reservation now and my children are wholesome again. Should I have stayed and paid attention to your advice…I would be dead. One of the few things at this point that I can die for is propagating the gospel. I will not die because of the Nigerian Church’s judgmental stand on things. Your congregation is probably filled with wife beaters and your marriage counseling is probably one of those that harp on what the wife should and should not do. I thank and praise God I did not heed advice from people like you. You make sound points but I am too excited to even argue some of your other points. My Father that has given me a second chance is not man, thankfully, not Nigerian. I could say o yes, my husband was an adulterer as well but I ran to save my life and that of my kids. That my friend is the reality of what people are facing. Do not sit on your high horse and tell us what you interpreted when you have not lived it. God bless!

      • Zzzz October 20, 2013 at 6:09 AM

        Ode le leyi sha
        …and that is my opinion.

    • MsChief October 17, 2013 at 12:08 AM

      If my man slaps me, I will cry my eyes out (of course) force as many tears as I can. look all red, puffy and swollen. Go to the nearest army barracks, 20k will settle the koboko that’ll be used to teach le’boo never to hit me again and yes, I’ll stay and be the sweetest wife. Will even help tend his hurting body. Mi o raye oshi mehn! And pray he reports me to family and friends.

      • Ada Nnewi October 17, 2013 at 9:35 AM

        ROTFLMAO!!!! You’re absolutely insane!!!! LMAO!!!

        • Ngobeke October 18, 2013 at 10:16 AM

          Nne, MsChief is not insane o……na the very same thing I go do. And they would have my express permission to break at least one leg, his right hand and at least 5 ribs, and they would leave him with a parting message that the next time he hits the mother of his children, one eye go miss!

    • ibukungeorge October 17, 2013 at 9:31 AM

      Hmm Lord have mercy.Just laughing at peoples comment….Am not afraid of walking away o.I once had a friend who was emotionally abusing me.Cursing himself and all his family whenever we get into any argument.I dumped him straight.He was infuriated and abused me.Well who cares?Needless to say he came back begging years later but I still said no.Its better to be single and have peace than to go into agony.

      • Miss Anonymous October 17, 2013 at 2:22 PM

        I totally agree with you @ not being afraid to walk away. I was raised by my mom and looking back I have no fond memories of when she was married. I think she realized that early too and decided to leave when the emotional abuse would not stop.

    • Aderonke October 17, 2013 at 10:04 AM

      lmao @MsChief…hahhahahhahha. cant help laughing more!
      There is no excuse for a wife beater. Take up your bags and leave, if he kills you this same man will remarry most likely have the wedding official ceremony near or the place where the body lies.
      However, if you still claim that you genuinely love him and he is remorseful then you can keep praying for him to change while you are separated from him.
      Making heaven is not by status!

    • AsIam October 17, 2013 at 11:08 AM

      Ladies please if a man abuses you physically, emotionally or physically, take a break and think about your future and that of your kids. There is no way you can raise sane kids in a hostile environment. My dad is a major womaniser but he has never beat my mum, she kept this a secret till I was old enough to understand before she told me. She stayed but I can tell you she’s not happy. Now I am only 25 but she’s hounding me to get married so that she can come for omugwo and leave my dad so that he will see how it feels to be alone. SMH, as if he will even notice that she’s gone, my guy go get full time for em babes.

      And I always say to her, mummy I don’t want to end up like you looking for every opportunity to escape. Ladies marriage is not by force oo, please give yourselves time to grow, know yourself, build your career and economic independence.

      Since we copy the white man soo much, I wonder why we have not copied them in acknowledging that marriage is not by force neither is it a do or die affair.

      • meme October 17, 2013 at 6:07 PM

        Same thing I tell my friends back home, seems like most of them after getting their NYSC some even graduation are already bothered about marriage at age 22. Maybe if I were home too i would have had that same mind set but that is not the case. I would love to get married at 28 or 27 and i have to be financially independent. Even tho my father is an ass, he always tells me that “be financially independent so nobody will look down on you”. I read so much about spousal abuse and I get scared of marriage like is it really worth it ? only married couples I adore in my family is just one of my aunty’s. My uncle spoils her silly with their kids so they give me hope. but even with that, i just think I should go get my masters, work and adopt cute babies and just live my life because I do not want stress.

    • Nat October 17, 2013 at 1:59 PM

      I keep saying this; the way I will arrange boys to beat up any that raises his hands on me ehn! their will be no part two. As I no get brothers, boys shall be arranged well well. I just think any man that will descend so low to raise his hands on his wife is such a low lifer. Ladies please look out for signs during courtship.

    • *Real*Nice Anon October 17, 2013 at 2:22 PM

      Man, some of you have had some serious pathetic upbringing. Tufiakwa!

    • Godson October 17, 2013 at 6:00 PM

      Here my own view:
      Many marriages today are facing one crisis or another, divorces have become the order of the day.This blog was set up in order to provide information to couples and intending ones. It is only when you have the right information at your disposal that you will experience fulfillment in your marriage. Read more

      • ElBoogie October 19, 2013 at 9:16 PM

        @Godson: BN was set up to provide advice to couples ke?! Biko, what did I miss?

    • nana October 17, 2013 at 6:49 PM

      No to domestic violence. To those that already in such marriage, i pray God gives you wisdom on what to do and to those that are not yet married, pls look before you leap. Ihave read thecomments here and i have learnt a few things.

    • Smallie October 17, 2013 at 10:24 PM

      I was created in God’s image. God’s plans for me are of
      good and not of evil. No where did it says I should be beaten by my
      husband like an animal.

    • Donthavetimeforrubbish October 17, 2013 at 11:32 PM

      In my own opinion, wife beating or vice versa is a sign of
      something gone terribly wrong in the past, my mum told me of one
      time when my dad tried to raise his hand to beat her, he had been
      doing that to his first wife and she knew about but he had never
      tried it on her. So when one day he wanted to beat her(she is from
      Ijebu), she told him some things which for security reasons I
      cannot mention here on BN…my dad promptly tucked his hands back
      in his pockets and never tried it again. Although the verbal abuse
      continued, my mum just ignored it. Any man that beats a woman,
      clearly he has something that he is hiding or is trying compensate
      for..personally I think its self esteem. But on the flipside, some
      women can be very irritating, especially when it comes to nagging(I
      personally detest this), so what do you do when the babe just wont
      shut up!?

      • WinterNights October 18, 2013 at 11:21 AM

        When your guy friend is being annoying, do you slap him up and beat him? Please stop this train of thought. You think some of these men are a breeze to live with? Why can I not pour acid on my husband if he annoys me or comes home late reeking alcohol and another woman’s perfume? It’s called self control and people skills. Some men need to acquire it pronto. If someone is getting on your nerves, deal with it in a civilized way . God I am tired of some of my people.

    • Laaj October 18, 2013 at 12:34 AM

      What if the reverse is the case – where the woman is the
      aggressor that physically abuses the husband. Would your answers be
      different?

      • WinterNights October 18, 2013 at 11:24 AM

        I’d tell the man to run, run, run. A woman that is physically abusive is just as dangerous.I wish our culture did not make men feel ashamed to get help from an abusive woman. I know it exists but most times, these men dispose of the psycho wife…why should the case of a woman be different?!?

      • missNk October 19, 2013 at 2:58 AM

        yes and yes!! I had an aunty who was about 6ft 1 and her husband was about 5’5, she used to beat the crap out of this man for flimsy reasons and my family advised him to leave…abuse comes from any gender

    • AdaIGBO October 18, 2013 at 7:25 AM

      @ Realniceanonymous, you my dear must have had a very sad childhood for you to come on here and make fun of people who have shared their burden with all of us because of the anonymity which the internet provides.

      Some of these people can’t tell anyone else because it’s a sad experience. I can bet on it that you come from an abusive home, if not physical then it’s emotional and psychological.

      YOU need to get help! my friend.

    • Inosend October 18, 2013 at 11:30 AM

      Lol at all the comments here…..as for me I was in a long distance relationship for 2 yrs before I got married so dint see the aggressive side off my hubby..in our 8 yrs of marriage we have fought like 4 times and I have received a hot slap ( I saw stars)..why am I still in the marriage? I just want to have kids then leave if he doesn’t maintain his current good behaviors….am 42 and I am in a place where I don’t care what society or my parents will say anymore, I don’t need crap from any man..the last time he slapped me because he said I was insulting him ( meanwhile he started to insult me first ) I didn’t cook for him for a week……I will not cook for a man who does not realize that his wife needs to be valued, respected and not taken for granted…..he is now beginning to realize that I will not tolerate certain behavior from him and he will have to learn to manage his anger and emotions the way I manage mine….I also told him when I found out about a recent affair that I think I should also start doing same since since what is good for the goose is also good for the gander and if he is tired of the marriage he can jolly well leave no hard feelings..if am faithfully keeping myself then you owe me to also try your best to be faithful in the marriage.( lol…am not advocating tit for tat oh, I just wanted him to sit up cos some men think adultery is their birthright and na only dem dey see fine thing)….that seemed to sober him up because he knows am financially stable, beautiful and can take care of my self……sometimes men bully and maltreat their women because they battle their own demons and can’t handle the emotional stress and they pour it out on you, and of course they feel they can get away with whatever they like…..as for me am watching cos I have no problem leaving the marriage cos the next time he lays a hand on me am done…..no body is indispensable and when one door shuts another will most definitely open……

      For women, while is totally support submission, respect, performing your wifely duties to the best of your abilities do not tolerate violence, emotional abuse from any man…..don’t be a lazy wife, get a job no matter how small and if u don’t have a job learn a skill/ trade to make u financially independent..

      • paloma October 18, 2013 at 3:31 PM

        imagine talks! u dont wanna do anything with Nigeria and ure here commenting on a Nigerian site!!!

    • Jamce October 18, 2013 at 11:40 AM

      @Miss Catwalq & Mz Socially Awkward, a million Gbosas for you. I want to meet you a women of strong character and talk much sense. No dulling, very sound reasoning.

    • Juliana October 18, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      No to domestic violence

    • Boomerang October 18, 2013 at 12:38 PM

      I cried after reading some comments… My view is simple, my dad never touched my mom, so no man will ever lay his hands on me and get away with it. I once dated a guy and we got into several arguments/ fights and the we would have s3x and make up… I’m glad we eventually broke up because I know our future would have been worse… I mean it didnt happen all the time and I didnt think much of it at first, but he had the potential to get angry and do/say some mean things that made us get physical on several occasions even in public… He asked me to marry him and I said no and I am happy I did…. Men who beat women are not men!! A real man protects, cherishes and treats his woman with respect. When a woman physically abuses a woman, the effect is not only physical, it is emotional and psychological and he is ruining that woman on the outside and on the inside. I can continue my epistle but I know I’d rather be single than be with someone who will use me as a punching bag… I’m also thankful that I grew up both in Nigeria and Abroad. Thank God for a justice system that works…

      • Fine lady October 18, 2013 at 2:18 PM

        I also cried too. These things make me so sad. I am at an age where I am being pressured to get married but I no dey rush o. Better to be single and happy than married and unhappy. DV for me is the worst no no in marriage.

    • beautifulonyinye October 18, 2013 at 8:41 PM

      Wow!I actually read all the comments.I guess I’m really
      lucky.No form of abuse in my family nor past and present
      relationships.I once had a boyfriend who wanted to erode my self
      esteem cos he felt I was doing better than him,he started nagging
      me about my weight subtley(and. I was just a size 10 with an
      amazing figure).I noticed it on time and dumped. Him.Now I’m
      engaged to d most amazing guy and. I’m a. Size 14 and he loves me
      just d way I am.Long story short,’watch d little things,a small
      leak could sink a ship’.Say no to any form of abuse.

    • Bide October 18, 2013 at 9:42 PM

      Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured…

    • lily October 19, 2013 at 2:41 AM

      it sad when we see ourselves in situation like this especially when you are there and wondering if all will be well. but at the end there is always a cause to smile. Most of us pass through experiences that either mend us or break us and domestic violence is something that shud be looked in2.

    • favour October 19, 2013 at 3:39 PM

      well, its for better for worse and d society does not
      support divorcees esp women.so its just to pray to get a good
      man.

    • bee October 20, 2013 at 1:30 AM

      Three weeks after my traditional wedding, my hubby slaped me while we argued over something, there ws never a white wedding, I left….shikena!

      • Ces October 20, 2013 at 10:42 PM

        Yikes!!!! You are strong. I am kinda jealous.

    • Married October 21, 2013 at 5:59 PM

      Its easier said than done oh….

      Come back when you are married!!!

    • ayisi tuwah catherine October 22, 2013 at 9:52 AM

      i will leave the next minute after the slap.god knows what awaits me ahead if i stay.

    • B! October 23, 2013 at 9:22 PM

      There was a man I knew (let’s call him Tola) once who told a story about one of his friends. His story went like this ; A married friend of his had not been able to have an erection in 10 years. One day, the man was suddenly able to get aroused and he went to his wife asking for sex. She turned him down . He beat her up.
      In narrating this story, Tola laughed and proclaimed that he would have done the same thing as well. The twist is that Tola is engaged and getting married soon.

    • Nikky October 24, 2013 at 5:38 PM

      SIGNS OF END TIME…#iyammi

    • Tee October 29, 2013 at 6:31 PM

      I will leave the guy because i was once a victim of viloence and never pray to be again. Though i was not married to the guy but we had already started planing my introduction. We stayed a couple’s life in school back then and he turned me into punching bag and always maltreat me. He always claim to love me when we started dating and later turned to be a monster. The beating started when i enetered into the university and we were in the same department and he was a very well known guy in my school then. He cheats on me and bring ladies into the same room we were staying and also slept with my best friend lied to her that i was his sister not his girlfriend. I was into this relationship for 6 to 7 yrs. I endured and thinking the guy will change but never did instead he became worse and always beating. I was about to do my introduction with him then but thank God that he cancelled it himslef and i am finally free from him. It got to a point that people started saying bad things about me that after everything the guy did for me that i left him. But when they later heard my own side of the story and know the kind of person he is, they came back apologizing and he also want me back but i told him it is over between us that nothing can bring us together again and people also got to know that he stayed in my parents house for 6yrs. So if something like the question should happen i will take my leave and continue with my life because if he should start this he will not change and the wife will continue in pains and suffering. May God help us the ladies.

    • su-su November 2, 2013 at 1:09 PM

      DV is totally unacceptable. A day to my wedding, my
      brothers called my hubby and had a “man to man” with him, something
      along the lines of if u ever touch our sister, BA still sells
      tickets and you’re gonna be so beat up! My hubby in d name of play
      tried to slap me, if you see my oscar winning performance; he
      quickly started begging. Till date he makes reference to it before
      I call my psycho Benin brothers, he no want gbege. I can’t and
      would never condone DV. I’ve got a friend who is currently
      expecting her second child and her mad husband still beats her.
      When she told me the first time it happened, I was gonna put her in
      a hotel. I called an uncle, and he said na you collect her bride
      price? D decision to leave must come from her or her family. This
      is a woman any sane man would love to have on his arms. I don kukun
      tell her to start a plan B so she go carry her kids waka. While in
      d relationship, an abusive man would always show signs, so if u see
      them my sisters please run. Being a single mum is better than being
      dead, you’re more useful to your kids alive.