What Are Your Thoughts on Arranged Marriages?

I had the most horrible dates ever sometime last week. It was so bad that a ‘Generation Y’ Lagos babe like me had to slam the door on my date and hail a cab home. On my ride home, the thought occurred to me that if I had a childhood betrothed, I wouldn’t have to face these horrible dates. So I spent the next couple of days observing, searching and asking around on this subject and after my research; I highlighted pros and cons below. We will start with the pros of being betrothed as a child.

No Fear of Ending up Single
Let’s face it, we all have that fear once we’re past 25 (it’s actually 21 for girls from my part of the country) but if you have a childhood betrothed, you’re insured, if all else fails, you can go back to the family option, as they say ‘at all at all na em bad pass‘.

Your Frame of Reference is Similar
Frame of reference refers to your point of view, the way you view the world. I’m sure few parents would betroth their children to families that do not fit with them hence the similar frame of reference. So there’s no fear that your spouse won’t be able to take care of you as well as your dad did or not be able to follow your conversation when you discuss your visit to Nicosia Cyprus or Helsinki Finland. You’re from the same social strata and similar ways of thinking so if your world is the ‘when did you get back’ crowd, Iya Basira or in between, your childhood betrothed understands it too well.

Your in-laws Like You Already
The Lagos Big boy’s mum calling you a ‘gold digger’ wouldn’t say that to a woman she and her husband handpicked for her son. You would be perfect. In certain cases your mother-in-law could even be your mum’s best friend so you are like her own child and if your mother-in-law likes you, that is a weapon in your amour.

You might never have a heart break

And if you do, there’s a backup plan. Most of these kids who get betrothed out are either mummy’s boys or the guys who can’t afford to turn their back on the family and therefore will marry who their parents pick for them. So if as a babe you decide to rebel and date other guys and they break your heart, the family option will be there waiting for you.

Here are some cons

It is an Insult
It takes away your fundamental human right of freedom of association. You have the right to choose your spouse and decide who to love. Your parents thinking you can’t do this successfully is a gross violation of those rights.

Having to Tell Your Parents You Love Another
Life is in itself ironic. There are single ladies wishing for a man, childhood betrothed or not; but the ones who have had husbands waiting for them from birth miraculously happen to fall in love with someone else and then complications follow – the family threatening to disown her; the babe saying she doesn’t care or promising to do something drastic. All of which wouldn’t have happened if she had chosen her man.

There Will be No Stories to Tell
Let’s assume you agree to your parents’ choice or fortunately, you and your betrothed fall madly in love, your dating diary would be a tad uninteresting. There will be no stories of the married guy who pretended to be single, the guy who left you even after you paid his fees, you can’t even tell stories of how you met your husband. No, babe! You had your ‘how did you meet him’ story written out for you the moment you were born.

It Would Be easy to Leave
My Grandmother always said ‘marry someone you love, so when challenges arise, you’ll go the distance because your partner was your choice’. Marriage isn’t easy, so if you didn’t pick your partner, you might not put in extra effort to make it work. After all, you told your parents you didn’t love him.

These are the pros and cons I could gather. I can’t wait to hear yours though as I always tell my brothers, if by a certain age you haven’t found your partner, your family members and friends can help you search – after all ‘four eyes are better than two’. To the single peeps, when friends and relatives hook you up on those dates, enjoy the food and forget the bad, it’s all ‘Crinkum Crankum’.

Photo Credit: madamenoire.com

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Peculiar Okafor is a marketing communications executive and loves to write. Visit her blog ‘www.designersuitcases.blogspot.com‘ to read her stories.

100 Comments on What Are Your Thoughts on Arranged Marriages?
  • Mariaah October 23, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    O’l boy!! If the boy grows to be humble, caring, intelligent, tall I don’t mind LOL.

    I shalt be back with ikpekere to read as there is no comment at the moment. :)

  • oose October 23, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    hey i like the thought of arranged marriage personally maybe cos sometimes i think its saves us the emotional hassle of falling in love with someone you have no future with .. however the problem is the integrity and the intentions of the ones arranging the marriage. well i am African( we dont marry ourselves or relatives no more … so i don’t have to worry about consanguinity unlike my Asian friends who through arranged marriages marry cousins and of course are most likely to end up with genetic issues etc … but YES … arranged marriages are Good if you can trust the arrangement and the person behind it.

  • Mz Socially Awkward… October 23, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    All I can say is that they always seemed to work out okay in those Judith McNought/Lisa Kleypas/Julie Garland/Elizabeth Hoyt/Johanna Lindsey/etc. etc. historical romances I used to read way back as a younger and more gullible version of myself …. *wistful sigh*

    • Person October 23, 2013 at 2:36 pm

      MSA, bwahahahaha!!! I need to meet you in real life FOR REAL. I read all those books also and yeah, they all seemed to work. But yeah, we were gullible and those days are over *le sigh*

    • Kia October 23, 2013 at 3:10 pm

      I Still read them. It’s nice to escape from life once in a while.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… October 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      :-D

    • Iris October 23, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      Judith McNaught, Julie Garland…but WHO are you? I feel like I must know you lol

    • lila October 23, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      Babe….i feel u…why cant we live in that world where we are all daughters of earls marrying sons of dukes. we would all have coming out balls, learn to waltz and needlepoint, be trained to be great hostesses and run the affairs of at least two great homes complete with a retinue of servants.
      but alas

    • whocares October 23, 2013 at 5:16 pm

      LOOOL. please all these authors sometimes have truly
      terrifying men as the main character yet I found myself rooting for
      them to win the girl. even though if you asked me if a guy did that
      to you would you accept it, id be all kinds and shades of HELL NO.
      but novel time comes, and im thinking “just forgive him already”. .
      smh. what novels will do to you if you let them, and I do :)

  • naana October 23, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    i will accept after i do my investigation on him.and i trust the person behind it.
    also when am not in any relationship. by the we will court for sometime to know ourselves better.
    if he’s my kind….. then we bonce and roll together.

  • tolu October 23, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    i honestly dont see anything bad in an arranged marriage, although it could be it solely depends on the individuals involved and their intentions. I have a case at hand, the guy is not responsive, and the lady feels maybe because he did not work to woo or “toast” her, but they person that linked them is kinda of telling the lady to just keep calm.

  • Izzi October 23, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    If both parties are serious and are game, it would work out. The moment one person isn’t keen on it trust me the marriage will crumble like a pack of cards. The feeling you and effort u get when u genuinely and passionately chase something is different from when you get it just on a platter….. It shouldnt be arranged marriage in my opinion, i think i prefer the general introduction where ur parents introduce you to people whom they think might be a suitable match. If we hit up then fine..else we go our separate ways. My parents have been together for 26 years, but the marriage is void of friendship as it was a family knows family, so no qualms. My father is an awesome ohhh, but his personality doesnt quite blend with my mother’s….God knows I cant cope in such a situation.
    And to all babes who are praying to God for a spouse, may God grant us what he knows is best for us.

  • madman October 23, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Nothing wrong with it. It’s a matter of choice. Works for some, doesn’t work for others.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    Mz. Socially Awkward, I know Judith MacNaught. She lives in Lagos. We can pay her visit to write a real ending for you. If she disagrees, you can sue her for reckless endangerment, (of our young and impressionable minds) impersonation, (those male characters were never as we thought in real life) and wrongful death (our love life is on life support).

    • TeeHee October 23, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      MUHAHAHAHAHAHA I love you!!!!

  • CC October 23, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    For it to work,you should make your own investigation on the person they are hooking you up with cos sometimes the person arranging the marriage might only know someone as a friend but you can never know the person’s attitude as a wife or husband.Also sometimes after the whole wedding things and one part starts misbehaving it’s always hard to break away cos you don’t want to disappoint the person that arranged both of you together.And most times the person that arranged it might be the cause of the problem cos they might feel they are entitled to know everything that goes on between the couple .Unfortunately this is what that works in some part of the world where there are few Nigerians and you really want a Nigerian partner

  • Prime babe October 23, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    Truthfully with the hassles with guys these days, I have considered it many times……..even if the tiny voice inside of me says its the lazy man’s way out. *sigh*

    • slice October 23, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      ask someone to hook you up my dear. nothing lazy about it.
      na you go dress go for the dates, na you go kiss am, na you go plan
      wedding, na you go do em cough cough. so after the intro part, you
      still have lots of “work” ahead of you. allow someone else do job
      of introducing you if you’re so fortunate as to know someone/people
      who can do the job :)

  • Curious Cat October 23, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    i just got married 5th of October and its arrangee marriage the whole process took 4 months and bam we are married no midnight prayers,no checking weather we match no drama nothing nothing it was fun all the way and funny enough just realized am preggy so big deal.

    • Nathaniel’s Daughter October 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm

      Wow… You’re highly favoured o my sister. Abeg I thank God for you. I know someone who’s still struggling with a guy she was introduced to. Nice guy and all but no chemistry at all on his side. One year into the relationship he’s still not made any effort to even see her after the initial meeting.

    • bNigerian October 23, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      Hmm…interesting. Congrats! :)

    • slice October 23, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Arrangee or hook up/introduction? I think the real
      arrangee, they say you will marry this man. The End. Hook up/intro
      they introduce you guys but you still have a choice. so which one
      dem do for you?

  • Curious Cat October 23, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    5th october 2013

  • Hadassah October 23, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    I actually just asked my elder sister, last month, to hook me up. I tire this whole dating thing. Too stressful. I really dunno how to play games and I always end up hurting.

  • naana October 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    congrats curious cat.

  • Chelle October 23, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    i dont know how but i think i have ‘ TO BE ARRANGED’ on one part of my body. everywhere i go to office, wedding, church, somebody wants to arrange me for another. i dont mind arrangee sha but i want …

  • Wale October 23, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    As long as he has good dental hygiene (no mouth odor),civilized and educated and from similar socio-economic background…at this point I will take anything.

    • Idak October 23, 2013 at 7:39 pm

      and anything will take you :-)

      • Ada Nnewi October 24, 2013 at 10:20 am

        LMAO!

      • dee one November 1, 2013 at 1:08 am

        Omg….I’m in stitches here….

  • Fizzie October 23, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Oh my gosh! Like you guys had me in mind before this write up.
    Anyways arranged marriage is totally a “no no” for me, (i call “recommendatn marriage”) cos’ it happen to ma mum and she’s nt enjoying up til nw(she acceptd cos of the respect she has for the man and assumed that as the man was livinq peacefully with his wife- all men are the same)… Now its ma turn,happend to me last two mnths,i thought the guy was for real as he cum senior me wela! Bt he turned out to be FAKE!

  • TA October 23, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Crinkum,Crankum, it all depends o! There are ‘arrangee’ marriages where both boy and girl fall hopelessly in love and lust and they live happily ever after and there are those that don’t, just like what happens when you pick your own partner,it may work,it may not. As one of the sweet souls here on BN once said ‘There’s no formula to this love thing,I tell you,you just pray for the kind that lasts forever’.
    So, whether your parents arranged it or you bumped into him while buying boli and ekpa at Orile,trekking at CMS, or met him at the DIY section at Home Depot (he! he! Biko,Pls dont ask me what this is about,read the comments on the BN article about Ladi Delano) or he was your colleague :-) … It don matter girfriend,what matters is your love lasts forever.
    Kapisch!
    Barman,please pass me my zobo on the rocks:-)

    • Nat October 24, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      You are just jokes mheeen. Please can I meet you loooooooool. crinkum crankum OMG *falls down from chair laughing*

    • Iphie October 25, 2013 at 8:07 am

      Oh my goodness! I need to meet some of these BN
      Commentators! Kai! zobo on the rocks! that’s all!

  • Lolly October 23, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I was betrothed at 6 to my father’s best friend’s son coz he said I was too pretty to go too far and they both agreed if we grew up and didn’t like each other we could marry other people, so they decided not to tell us and see how things turned out, we attended the same schools, so naturally we were always together, we became best friends, even dated other people as adults and eventually found each other……..crazy but true, it felt weird when he started coming onto me coz I looked at him like a brother, it took a lot of chasing and gifts and rapping (lol) to convince me to go on that first date and I remember very well sitting across from him after having dinner and getting over the awkward feeling of the whole scenario, I relaxed and we talked and laughed all thru and I knew I would never find this sort of thing with any other person. Our parents only told us when he proposed.

    • Mz Socially Awkward… October 23, 2013 at 3:51 pm

      Awwww, you just touched my jaded soul, it’s nice to hear that stories like this are not always fictional. I pray that your own tale will have an enduring happy ending. :-)

    • Mariaah November 19, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      OMG!! Awwww…. :)

  • Lizzy October 23, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    I think if you both have time to “decide” for yourselves, then it’s fine. My friend’s father introduced her to her betrothed, gave her 2 months to decide; had the traditional wedding; waited another 4 months and had the white wedding. They are happily married with 2 kids.

  • Bey October 23, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    To me its no biggie as long as they were connected as soon as they got to meet each other..and they fell inlove naturally without the other person trying hard to make it work…sometimes arrange marraige can be the best. And it saves so much!!!!!

  • Kay Squared October 23, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    Im married to a man who my cousin hooked me up to. We
    started talking, started dating, 4 months later he proposed and
    bam! we are married. Honestly, I could not have chosen a better man
    for myself. Sometimes, friends and families know us more than we
    know ourselves and hey, life is too short not to go with the
    flow….

    • Don’tcare October 23, 2013 at 4:01 pm

      Congrats dear, but i don’t think yours is arranged marriage, it’s not like “recommendation marriage” like Fizzie said.

  • Silvia October 23, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    The world is changing everyday, and some men out there dont
    have good intentions atall.before I use to be against arranged
    marriage, cos I would always end up speaking big english to my
    parents, but lately I had a change of mind about it o…make I no
    go old for my papa house.were I dey form mordern day
    woman.

  • whocares October 23, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    I suppose in talking about arranged marriages we are excluding the very awful situations such as over powering parents, force etc. if we are and its simply a situation where your parents find a parner they consider suitable for you, and let you as a grown adult take it from there; then thats alright, so long as a person gets to decide at the end of the day if they want it or not. If choice is taken out of it, and you are being married off for some reason against your wish to someone you barely like, then NO it is not acceptable in any shape or form. It just rubs me the wrong way. it is too mixed up with instances of feminine oppression that it takes a while for me to warm up to the idea. It just seems like someone is taking the choice out of your hands and robbing you of a chance to do something wonderful yourself, and you may end up not taking responsibility for your actions. I dont know.. maybe i need to look into it more.

  • MamaT October 23, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Two of my closest friends in the uni were guys and they later “arranged’ a phone conversation between me and a guy (their friend) i had not met, that was not in town. We started talking, he proposed 2 weeks later, met my parents 2 months later and we got married a year later on my birthday. Today we have a 2 year old and am expecting my 2nd. It doesnt always work out this good, but i know am just blessed.

    • Miss Anonymous October 24, 2013 at 11:14 am

      Proposed two weeks later ke?! Please what powder or soap do you use? I need it quick quick :-)

      • MamaT October 25, 2013 at 12:38 am

        My dear, na God o. Me sef 1st fear say wetin dey happen?
        But it was just God.

  • eesha October 23, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    It works for some, it doesn’t work for some. I met my hubby through a cousin of mine (his very close friend), the whole courtship, intro and wedding wasn’t up to 9 months i tell ya. Le hubs is the ying to my yang, couldn’t have asked for a better hubby than he. Thank GOD.

  • Don’tcare October 23, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Make una no vex ooo but who is ‘generation Y’ babe?

    • ccc October 23, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      Roughly, ‘Generation Y’ refers to those people with birth dates from the early 1980s to the early 2000s

  • Idara October 23, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    Okay personally I believe for most of our parents and grandparents that it worked because they believed in traditions and respected the husbands and family above personal lust.now am not saying there wasn’t divorce, there was, but just not at this rate today and truly families married each other as in if a problem arose it was taken to the family, like elders and in laws to help, today we have adopted the stay the “f” at of my marriage mentality forgetting that we are an extension of those ppl who are trying to help. Traditionally in the past like in the early 1900s when my grandmother divorced her first husband she had to leave her male child with hhusband and her husband and his ppl and a few years later she remarried in 1917 another arranged marriage and stayed in the married though she was a fifth wife for twenty years till her husband died.all am saying is that in this 2013 the love marriages have slowly lost its power…and if you are not careful ends as soon as it begins especially when the two involved arent strong enough to lay their ego down for you…I wouldn’t mind a bethrot…infact I had one butwe have grown to see each other more like siblings than future man and wife, so last year I introduced him to one of my female friends and now they are engaged I believe one should have the right to choose their future partners but it never hurts to consider your parents choice.i rather have a plan. B of getting married to a bethrot than being one of the 43 percent single hardworking black women without a real genuine man to call my own. At least I would know the bethrot values family honor and like you said no parent would wish the worst for their child.my grandmother once told us that a man who values family and honor will law down his life before he sees it scatter.She said that in a marriage it is better to see it as egoless Partnership, for if one has too much ego that the marriage will scatter and never to wish you had what another couple has for you never know what happens behind their doors. It is when we are not content and start comparing our lives to others that we enter trouble in our marriages. Am 24 and not married and focusing on my career, but I know when the time comes I would work hard to make it work, even laying my ego down to make him happy. Marriage is about sacrifices and compromise on both partners abd i think most ppl forget that.So if you want to go look for a partner on your own..you do that it’s your right, but as for me I wouldn’t mind my parents suggesting someone for me later when am ready.

  • xavier October 23, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    I totally have nothing against arranged marriage. I hooked a gf and anoda friend from church during xmas n dey r getting married dis weekend. It works for some but I don’t support d arrangement wen ur right to choose weda to go along or not is taken from u.

  • Mims October 23, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    statistically, arranged marriages actually last longer than love marriages, maybe because of that common ground and families already being acquainted. I personally would not mind, as long as I get along with him then no harm done. If we dont get along and he’s being forced on me that’s a totally different story

    • Tosin October 24, 2013 at 6:16 am

      hmm, which statistics? in places where divorce is taboo, of course they stay together. and when the taboo lifts, they start taking advantage of the out, especially the women. that’s what I’ve seen/heard.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    Mz. Socially Awkward, i know Judith MacNaught. She lives in Lagos. We can pay her a visit to write us a story into reality with all the fire works and starry eyed gazes. If she refuses, we can sue her for reckless endangerment, (of our young minds) aiding and abetting, ( Nora Roberts, Jude Devereaux, etc to be named as co accused) false impression ( prince charming is ALWAYS supposed to be ebony black, 6 ft 3, broad chested, flowing mane of hair and preferably with grey eyes. Instead, he has never been so short, so skinny, too tall, balding, buck teeth, narrow chested, need i go on?) Wrongful death (the demise of our innocence. The hearts have be broken so many times we have become jaded) Loss of future earnings (our love lives are on life support). You game?

    • Mz Socially Awkward… October 23, 2013 at 5:03 pm

      Wait, seriously?? I need to know if you’re yanking my chain
      because that would completely blow my mind if Judith MacNaught has
      been living in Lagos all of this while… I feel I should consult
      wikipedia. And her stories were too AMAZING to stay mad at her,
      let’s forgive and forget. However, I’m curious about her love life
      and what her own personal experience with romance has
      been…

      • Jamce October 24, 2013 at 6:01 am

        @MSA, a million Gbosas for you again.

    • TA October 23, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      @ Bobosteke & Lara Bian, LDKMD! ha ha he! ho! ha! I
      love you silly babes:-) What!!! You,Mz.Socially Awkward, we gonna
      sue her fairy tale ass for bearing an selling us tall tales by
      moonlight. Oh dear! BN and its commenters,you people shall not kii
      me in this Lagos. ha! :-)

  • memiee October 23, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    Someone please hook me up o!!! lol. Nice to know it worked for some of you guys i would love to give it a trail… hehehe

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Please lets not bring female oppression here. Na both the boy and geh they do the arrangee for; both of them no get choice for the matter. Its only when the girl is obviously underaged and the man is old enough to be her grandfather we know to raise more than eyebrows. If both are consenting adults, albeit consenting under duress, all we can safely rant about is that they might not have chosen eachother.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    Babe eh, i cannot but love her. Whitney my Love, Someone to
    Watche Over Me, Every breathe you Take. That woman knew love. I
    know she loved her husband something fierce and he her, but he died
    a bit early. Read that in one of her dedications. She’s a grandmum
    now. I still branch CMS and Yaba when im in town to buy
    more.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    TA, you always, without fail inspire me, and although im not an emotionally expressive person, i love you right back. Now save this post, frame it, and use it for future reference. (Thank you so much)

    • TA October 24, 2013 at 8:48 am

      @ Bobos, am blushing all over . Awww! This post has been enlarged,framed, laminated and cast in stone! Your posts have the same effect on me for real. :-)
      *Big hug*

  • chichi October 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    please oh, the article is not talking about being hooked up by family or friends. it is talking bout your parents picking someone and say marry them. not oh, i know this guy/girl, meet em. that’s different. if they are arranged the couple stay together for sake of both family. not to disappoint their families. na force to marry?

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 23, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Ewo! Please dont tell me you bought that. She no living in Lagos o!

    • Mz Socially Awkward… October 23, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      You’re a basket case, I truly believed for a long moment :-D And “heck yeah!” to all those titles you reminded me of. Make I go search my local library whether dem get anyone

  • Mabel October 23, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    I would happily let someone do this for me. As long as the person is healthy mentally and physically, attractive in my eyes, ambitious, and has a good heart, I would gladly go ahead with an arranged marriage. Finding someone on your is no guarantee of marriage success, everything is a chance, so I would go ahead with it and take all the work out of dating and all the headache that comes with it.

  • the mane captain (natural hair & skin care. canada based) October 23, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    i like the points that are presented on both sides. As long as the boy/girl was chosen during her adult life and not during their childhood, then its ok. Also, as long as they still date each other and have the choice to choose, then its ok. But if they are both forced into it, even if they;ve known each other since childhood, belong to the same social class and grew up in the same village, it won’t work. People change and evolve.
    Also, if the motive behind it is to keep a business relationship, then it’s also ok.
    Arrange marriage is still a common phenomenon, especially amongst young people who are too busy building a career and have no time to be looking around, when your mother already has a good guy/girl waiting for you back home or elsewhere.
    As for me, I wouldn’t mind, as long as i’m not forced into it.
    themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

  • Chic October 23, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    I am with the person who said she would consider it if her parents introduced her to several potentials and then she made her choice. My major problem with family to family arranged one on one marriages is that the two may marry out of the need to please both families and not each other. You may not even like each other like that but with families on both sides saying how the other is good and you two would be perfect together may make some succumb and get married to each other even if they are not suited for each other. I have no problems with family members making a few suggestions and then I can make my choice from them if I like any of them but please do not put pressure on me or blackmail me emotionally that will not work.

  • Oby October 23, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    I met the love of my life through ‘arrangee’ lol.by our mutual friends who own their own thought we’ll be right for each other.we finally decided to meet each other(after enough gra gra on both sides).suffice to say,from that first meeting till now(3years and still counting)I’m glad our friends did what they did..PS;now married n expecting our first.

  • Oby October 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    #on

  • Nike October 23, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    Mz Socially Awkward!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!1
    You brought back memories of those historical romances i used to read.
    Please be my friend

  • NNENNE October 24, 2013 at 12:42 am

    It does work sometimes.

  • Tosin October 24, 2013 at 6:13 am

    They work sometimes.
    Self-arranged marriages work sometimes too.
    Moving on.

  • temiloluwa October 24, 2013 at 9:40 am

    Since we most likely would not determine how we want to meet our future spouses, we can just go with the flow whether by referral or by some other means . The most important thing is that the gift of making choices (not under duress) should not be denied us. You might want to take a look at this story:
    temisigns.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-guy-i-fell-in-love-with-who.html

  • tobee October 24, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Nothin is totally wrong wth d idea just dat this generation thnks its old fashioned.inasmuch as both parties are in luv wth each oda dey re good to go.atleast it wl reduce the alarming rate of divorce nd seperation.Nd honeatly,d idea of disrespect nd careless of marriage of nowadays need to be addressed,pple no longer want to preserve,care,respect,tolerate,invest,protect their partners anymore,dey wl rather throw dem out like a bad orange wch was not so wth bethhrotal cos both parties learnt to make things work so as not to digrace there parents nd families. This generation needs to take a cue from ow it was done den nd inculcate wat is good into dere system,wether we re bin bethrothed or we chose luv ourselve,let’s respect the sanctity of marriage.

  • Woman October 24, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    once there’s a choice its no longer “arrangee” in my opinion, its an introduction. That happens very ok and I would even encourage it, actually I do that for my friends, lol. The real “arrangee” to me is parents insisting or “psyching” u until u marry the person out of “respect” for parents or desperation/too many heart breaks. those ones don’t end well in my opinion. if the man and woman are naturally good people then its a marriage that’s just ok and manageable (afterall he/she does their duties in the marriage). but if any of the parties has some “sko sko” hmmmmmmmmm

  • Woman October 24, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    #happens very often

  • smiling October 25, 2013 at 10:01 am

    wouldnt mind at all,as others have said u mite never know till u try.

  • Koffie October 25, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I don’t mind the parents introducing u to potenttial suitors abeg. You never know. I’d prefer mumsy does the screening as my dad’s taste is outta this world. Looool

  • Jay October 25, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    My friend introduced me to someone who saw my pic last September and liked me. Its over a year and we are still together. He adores me, he is exactly what I want in a guy- tall, dark, handsome,smart and caring. Spending Christmas with his family this December. Yaaay!

  • Jane October 26, 2013 at 7:40 am

    think we mixn defintions up…if a friend/cuz/ or parent
    introduces u 2 sm1 dts matchmaking…arrangee is diff. There the
    intentions r already clear that the goal is marriage…nd then a
    lot of people can pretend….The Only arrangee that cn b trusted is
    GODs. Nd that’s what happnd to Lolly. Their parents neva told them
    their desires for them to wed. In an arrangee situation the motive
    is clearly spelt out. Let us clearly diffrenciate btw matchmakn nd
    arrangee. The diff is choice. In arrangee the choice has bn made
    for u…nd u r expected to condition your mind. However Is that d
    best? Its not by havn 2kids after an arrangd marriage. Is there
    fufilment? These r what I hoped the writer of this article wld talk
    abt..experiences of those in it and those in love marriages…not
    assumptions based on sm1 who has tasted neither.

  • Justanopinion October 28, 2013 at 2:52 am

    This is a black or white article…life isn’t black or white..there are many grey areas..no guarantees, no set rules….just time and chance.

  • sillygirl October 28, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    Lol, I love the comments on this post. Yeeaaaa, we plenty
    oh. I thought I was the only one hustling. from the comments, I see
    that if not all, almost everyone is in the same boat. SEEKING MR
    RIGHT. so let us commit to finding him. any guy we meet hence fort
    KEEP OURS LEGS CLOSED TILL WE SAY I DO. hehehehe. But on a serious
    note it has worked for 3 of my frds.

  • Me Full Ground October 29, 2013 at 3:24 am

    @sillygirl, are u Miss Left? Why are you SEEKING MR RIGHT.
    Anyway, am SEEKING MRS RIGHT. If you fit the bill you will find me.
    BN can actually start a “Hook Up Section”. BN, over to you, pls
    provide a link section to help the brothers and sisters achieve
    their dreams of meeting MR or MRS RIGHT.

  • Beeorlah October 29, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Hmmmmmm,After all is said and done,God help us find the one.Me I’m sha done with this arangee/hook up thingy.Mehn…it takes the stress away.it has been working for my friend for 3yrs now.

  • Beeorlah October 29, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Hmmmmmm,After all is said and done,God help us find the one.Me I’m sha down with this arangee/hook up thingy.Mehn…it takes the stress away.it has been working for my friend for 3yrs now.

  • happychick October 30, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    mehn at this point I seriously don’t mind ooh, so far as the guy first all of is very ready to make it work and very interested in me and has all or most of what I want in a man…..dude am so ready! I like easy things #lazysigh# after all na me go still dress up for date, chop kiss et all,say yes wiv tears in my eyes wen he propose, plan wedding and make naija happy#naughtywink#

  • aya ilorin October 31, 2013 at 2:33 am

    i am in an arranged marriage and i hate everything about it . the only thing that bring me joy is the child we have. I detest this man and i have spoken to my mother who forced this bastard on me and has turned deaf ears. she says i am ungrateful!
    i am very sad and to cheer me up, i logged to this blog on to find this piece. reading some of your comments, i’m laughing and crying at the same time.
    i want out so bad, I plan on running away soon. Under one week of meeting, we got married and this is all because they said in Islam dating is not permitted. The night of the marriage, he climbed on top of me and boom under 5 seconds, he cums. i was ovulating and i cried so hard.

    • eesha October 31, 2013 at 4:49 pm

      @aya ilorin God is your strength. Open your mind to the possibility that you can actually grow to love him. About the “wham bam thank you ma’am” sex, seduce and romance i’m sure it’ll get better. Don’t lose all hope for the sake of your lil munchkin

    • Idak November 4, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      You don enter one chance o……….

  • Jane October 31, 2013 at 3:14 am

    @aya ilorin so sowi 2 hear your story…God is your
    strength. This is what I meant by real life stories nd experiences,
    nd diffrenciatn btw arrangee nd matchmakn/hook-up. Therz a BIG
    difference. Nd 2ndly personal experiences matter a lot, its workn 4
    ur frnd doesn’t meam its d truth coz U aint insyd their marriage.
    Nd t doesn’t mean it’l work 4 u either…but again my frnds, Derz a
    diff btw arrangee nd matchmakn…it can’t be over
    emphasized

    • Bishop November 4, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Please always try to write in English instead of your Bbm texts. It doesn’t give as much headache and helps you communicate to readers.

  • Jane October 31, 2013 at 3:20 am

    @aya ilorin so sowi 2 hear your story…God is your
    strength. This is what I meant by real life stories nd experiences,
    nd diffrenciatn btw arrangee nd matchmakn/hook-up. Therz a BIG
    difference. Nd 2ndly personal experiences matter a lot, its workn 4
    ur frnd doesn’t mean its d truth coz U aint insyd their marriage.
    Nd t doesn’t mean it’l work 4 u either… Mind u dere are sm
    arrangee dt ve workd..I’m nt saying its a taboo..but again my
    frnds, Derz a diff btw arrangee nd matchmakn…it can’t be over
    emphasized…

  • fade October 31, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Someone should please, arrange banky w and my humble self o, Hehehehhehehhe.

  • Dee November 1, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    wait in line

  • Miss Lonely November 9, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Arrange marriage ! Dats what I seriously need now oo, cus I just find it hard to trust any guy I meet on my own , especially in this boring Abuja where almost all the men are married somewhere just came to hustle here and be acting like singles. @ Bellanaija I suggest u should creat an avenue for people commenting here to meet and exchange contact, and people should always learn to introduce singles around them. **my2cent**

  • Kinky November 12, 2013 at 8:06 am

    Pls pls pls….someone hook me up with Dantata’s or Dangote’s son….I don’t mind…

  • Britney December 8, 2013 at 12:21 am

    Right now I don’t mind on d arrangee idea so far dey r
    compatible I tink of it most times cos I ve bin in a relationship 4
    quite some years n jst discovered now his mum is tribalistic n have
    said she won’t let her son marry me cos IM not from where dey’re
    from we love ourselves deeply but I always wanted my mother in law
    to be my best friend n rite now I’m very much confused but if I had
    someone arranged 4 me I won’t go thru dis alone n maybe wuld ve
    moved on or had hopes on doin dat

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