Toolz’ Thoughts: Golden Legacies

My cousin recently lost a good friend and was going through a very rough time. One minute she was tearful, and the next minute she was laughing when she thought about the funny memories she had created with her friend. One thing was certain; the young lady that passed away had definitely made a massively positive impact on my cousin’s life.
A few days before the funeral, as my cousin was preparing to say the final goodbye, I went to see her and asked her to tell me about her friend; partly because I thought it would help her to remember the great times they shared and also because I was very curious about this seemingly incredible person.

My cousin said this of her friend: ‘She was amazing, down to earth, energetic and full of life. She could give all she had to make the next person happy. She would succeed in whatever she did and pull you along. She sounds too good to be true, but she was all this and much more’.

Wow! I remember thinking that I missed out on knowing this special person. I couldn’t help but think about what my friends/ people that know me would (truthfully) say about me when I’m gone? Would I get the basic, she was nice, fun to be with etc or would I get a heartfelt appraisal like my cousin gave her friend?

We’ve all asked ourselves that morbid question: ‘Will people miss me when I’m gone?’, but do you ever wonder exactly WHAT people would miss about you? If you were to ask the people that know you best that question, what do you honestly think they would say about you, and most importantly, would you be happy with their answers?

Truth be told, I’m still trying to find my own answers to that question.
Maya Angelou famously said: ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel’. Talking to my cousin about the loss of her friend has illustrated this perfectly. We leave an everlasting impact, negative or positive by how we treat people, and what we generally put out in the world. My cousin may forget a few things her friend said or did, but she will never EVER forget how her friend made her feel.

One of my biggest goals is to leave a massively positive impact in the hearts of people that know me and also in the industry I’m working in. My cousin losing her friend gave me a huge reality check and I realise I will have to do much better if I want to achieve this.

This is a bit of a dark topic, and a lot of people don’t want to think about death, but sadly it is inevitable. The bigger question I suppose is what legacy will you leave behind? Are you leaving people with positive impacts by how you treat them?

And just because I’m a sucker for quotes, I’ll leave you with this one:

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.’ – Shannon L. Alder

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ToolzO is an award-winning on-air personality who currently presents ‘The Midday Show with Toolz’ on the Beat 99.9FM, the Juice for Ndani TV and Glo X-Factor West Africa. You can find out more about Toolz by visitingwww.ToolzO.net.

56 Comments on Toolz’ Thoughts: Golden Legacies
  • black coffee October 24, 2013 at 11:25 am

    best i’ve read dis month

  • Tess October 24, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Very true! True legacy lives in the hearts/lives we touched, not the properties we amassed.

  • DAMMY October 24, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Bitter truth…death is indeed inevitable but we humans hate to talk about it….live today as if u gonna die tomoro dont live as if u own the whole world

  • dp October 24, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Article on marble

  • Asaa October 24, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Nice one. i also wonder what people will say about me. I guess friendship with people is different. Different people have different things to say about the same person. Some people bring out the best from someone while others bring out the worst in that same person! It’s tough but true.

  • Aderonke October 24, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Now this is the side of Toolz I will love to meet. Thank you for sharing Toolz, gat to do my own Legacy Reality Check too *sighs*…..nothing like been the reason behind someone’s smile/joy.
    By the way, I am a sucker for quotes too. I have a book of opportunities/dreams backing it up with quotes (over 1000 quotes) written down by moi from different great minds!

  • Elle October 24, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    Toke, come and learn from your friend o!!! Discuss topics that challenge us not insult our intelligence. Talmbout how to know you’re the side chick and all….tsk, ain’t no one gat time for that.
    When, Toolz for life o jare. Great write up. I think sometimes we forget that there’s more to life than just being there and getting by. In the past year, I’ve learnt that death is realer than life, helps to keep us all in check. Imagine what people would do if they knew they could live forever?
    Great topic, looking forward to reading more from you.

    • Abby October 24, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Lmao at Toke’s comment

    • slice October 24, 2013 at 2:26 pm

      but blogs like Toke’s make the world go round. we can’t spend all our time on earth thinking about serious topics. we have to laugh too.
      To Toolz’ question, i’ve never wondered what people will say about me when I die. never crossed my mind. I already know what they think about me now. Blessed to have loving family and friends that overwhelm me with lovely and thoughtful compliments about how i impact their lives. When I’m gone I’m gone. I don’t give a smiling duck about what anyone thinks after that.

      • CarliforniaBawlar October 24, 2013 at 3:58 pm

        Make the world go round ke?? what world do you live in?? Even comedy doesn’t have to be mindless entertainment……..

      • slice October 24, 2013 at 5:05 pm

        @CaliforniaB, to each his own my dear. you call it mindless. some people call it mindless fun. I don’t watch many of Toke’s videos myself but I’ll admit the comments definitely make me laugh. (no offence to Toke, i’d just rather read than watch stuff. no patience for videos

    • Abana October 24, 2013 at 2:59 pm

      We can’t all be serious. Toke is there for the laugh. Even in Hollywood, you have seasoned comedy actresses and seasoned drama ones. Won’t you be taken aback if you watched a movie where Viola Davis did not have a heartbreaking emotional role? She ain’t no Wanda Sykes! Amazing actresses in different genres. Plus the last time Toolz was here she was talking about the back up plan and we all enjoyed that conversation.
      Back to the topic, not to sound morbid but people still forget you after a while. No matter how big an impact you leave, people mourn, miss and move on and then remember you on the anniversary. That is what I have noticed though.
      This nevertheless has given me a big pause and think moment.

      • tm October 24, 2013 at 5:18 pm

        No matter how long, u don’t forget people who have touched you positively. A friend’s mum died 2 years ago and I still remember her from time to time because she was a very good person.
        Some memories just don’t go away like that, they stay with you

    • Curious October 24, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      Some of you like to be stupid for fun. What does Toke have
      to do with this now?You coulda addressed the topic at hand without
      dragging Toke into it. Toke is somewhere else living her life, yet
      you are in your hole worrying about her. Y’all just like to be
      petty for no reason. Very unbecoming I tell you. Grow the fuck
      up!

      • Elle October 25, 2013 at 1:57 pm

        And some of you couldn’t pretend not to be stupid even if
        you tried. You could have made your comment without using insulting
        words. After all, did you see me actually insult her? You can
        criticize without acting a market woman.

      • Curious October 26, 2013 at 11:10 am

        @ Elle, answer me this, what has Toke got to do with this
        piece on dying? Has Toke eaten that deep into your thoughts that
        you can’t stop talking about her? My message to you is stop being a
        BULLY! Y’all propagate various forms of bullying under the guise of
        constructive criticism; God is definitely watching all y’all in 3D.
        In the meantime, you can keep sipping on your Toke hatorade, while
        Toke struts gleefully to the bank. The drivel spouted by the likes
        of you only helps to enrich folks like Toke. I am certain you
        wouldn’t even be able to step up to Toke and say shit to her face.
        Keyboard warriors toh bad…LMAO!

    • Mama- g-in-charge October 28, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      Elle just shut up already…..if you are so hard asrsed that you can’t find humour in life whose business?…..this post is not about toke and you don’t need to like her but a lot of her topics are tongue in cheek and some ple relate to them………back to the matter, this topic is a reality check so we r so busy running this rat race of life and some ple just wanna step all over others to make it……the little things we do to positively influence others is what they will remember us by when we r gone….I don’t want all that fake “tying hard to look for something nice to say about the dead comments “when am gone….

    • Idak October 29, 2013 at 10:32 am

      I am not even a Toke fan but this comment of yours is downright spiteful. It is like calling out comedians for not being pilots or brain surgeons. That Toke chooses to have a playful video blog does not make her less intelligent than you perceive Toolz to be. For all you know, all Toolz intelligence may have been emptied in this one piece. Can’t we just learn to enjoy the works of folks without spiting others?
      I am sure bashing Toke is not what you want to be remembered for after you die?

  • Hurpeyeahmie October 24, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Bey October 24, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Abeg Leave Toke alone *Amebo* if she brings out a New Vlog na u go still click am Watch..Toolz thanks for sharing this

  • Ekwitosi October 24, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Maya Angelou also said don’t tell me who you are, show me! I guess when we are true to ourselves we are true to each other.

  • whocares October 24, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    This is truly insightful, and Toolz is right. Sometimes I wonder what people will say about me when I die. I am trying to be a better person. Less judgemental, more liberal, but on the other hand there are some aspects of me that I realise I cant change try as I might. I am not overtly friendly, etc, so I wont ever be described as the life of a party. lol. But I am trying to accept those part of myself and build on from it. All this introspection is giving me a headache jare.

  • ady October 24, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    Nice write up Toolz, thanks for reminding us to once in a while check ourselves, type of life we are leaving, what impact (positive or negative) we are making, what we will be remembered for when we are gone. Toolz I love more now, BN we should see more of this and more from Toolz. she s got it. all u toke`s fans and loyalist read thru the comments, sit and think and wonder why no one has condemned Toolz post, why there are no negative comments about her. compare this and the numerous (senseless) toke`s videos.

  • Fashionista October 24, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Wonderful article! I often wonder as well what my legacy will be and mostly I think it is positive because I strive for it to be, but like Asaa said, different people have different things to say about the same person. All we can do is give our genuine best and try to treat to treat others as we would like to be treated.

  • alice October 24, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    HMMM! REALITY CHECK…WELL SAID.

  • lucas frenzie October 24, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    WOW..!!! This is the best so far from Toolz.??

  • Eebony October 24, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    Nice piece,wake up call to those of us who don’t think about death and it’s memories,*now reflecting on my past,and gonna make things better from now on*

  • X- Factor October 24, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Wow! thanks Toolz,
    Deep and profound thoughts captured an excellent write up
    thanks for the re awakening!!!

  • The Real Madam the Madam October 24, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Very good one Toolz. Coincidentally, this question was on
    my mind after reading yesterday’s tribute that a BN reader wrote
    for her brother who passed away. Even from reading the comments, I
    could tell that the deceased was much loved and dearly remembered
    by a lot of people. Definitely made me wonder how people would
    remember me. But truth be told, I don’t think I’ve made a great
    impact or made my mark. Besides close friends who may say “Oh she
    was this and that”, I doubt my legacy will be so great that people
    far and wide will have lots of wonderful things to say. Never too
    late to try I guess.

  • Grace E October 24, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    LOL… sometimes whether or not u leave an impact, people are afraid of talking bad about the dead, (whatever their problem is) so they will say good things about you regardless!! #myopinion

    have u noticed too that often times some people who never liked someone start liking them once they’ve passed away?or never said good things about someone all of a sudden remembers and creates all sorts of good deeds when the person dies?? what do u people think?

    • tm October 24, 2013 at 5:14 pm

      Looooool! Oh pls! One of my aunties was a very terrible person when she was alive. After she died, people said bad things about her, even till now

    • CarliforniaBawlar October 24, 2013 at 5:41 pm

      lol……I feel you. But same as @tm ….my Aunty passed
      away a few years back, she was the craziest person ever….till
      today even when we say we miss her….we only say we miss her
      wahala! On the flip side I’m tempted to say just live your life
      anyways….’cos when you are dead, how do you know what peeps have
      to say?? And even if you knew, why would you care??

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 24, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    With all due respect to the dead, and all who we eulogize as nice, incredibly selfless, and pious, the feeling of profound loss and the knowledge of the henceforth permanent removal of the person from our lives makes all fault, ill or angst pale in comparison with the thought that they are dead. Gone forever and ever. You are consequently focused on the uplifting the moments when this person was brightest and best in life. Humanity is very large, warm and accommodating at this time and seeks continuity, an unbroken link, by evoking memories which even death cant kill; that way, the person is always with us and are somehow not truly gone.

    I am still alive (obviously). Some days my little sister calls me Hitler. Other times she thinks I am the choice between the wall and a hard place, but for some weird reason she likes to show me off as her sister. My niece, who is three, knows I don’t tolerate nonsense and that I am quick (or perhaps too quick?) to censure her. But guess who her favorite partner is for the goofiest games and silliest mimicks? Most of my colleagues consider me as a snub yet down to earth; wont I go mad wondering which version would be most aired about me now sef when I am alive talk more of when I am gone when I cant refute or endorse any claims?

    We judge by looks (or lack thereof) by intelligence, by association, by preferences by so many things but in the end at that moment when you are gone, and you are on your way to being gradually forgotten, these paradox, these complexities should be least of our worries now ( or if you can still think when you are) because absence truly doth make the heart grow fonder.

    • koko October 25, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      can i be ure friend u are so deep.

    • Lizzy O. October 31, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Haba! Oyinbo of Life. see articulation. I bow for you small
      oooo… Gbogbo biblical terms and things. “Doth”, Paradoxical. But
      I feel you.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 24, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    because absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. And if you cant do anything about what they say now that you are alive, why worry about it when you are dead?

  • The Real Madam the Madam October 24, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    @Bobosteke, random and off topic but what inspired your username?

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 24, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    By the way, the word Legacy evokes a Mandela, Obama or Martin Luther King kind of feat. When you set the bar that high, how would you notice the things you achieve?

    @ The Real Madam the Madam, far and wide is a wide range to cover. We can all start from the corner where we are.

    • The Real Madam the Madam October 24, 2013 at 7:46 pm

      True that.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian October 24, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    @ The Real Madam the Madam, childhood nicknames.

  • Fatima October 24, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    Having family members ‘die on me’ makes me remember that this life is but for a moment.

    In trying to (in the words of Oprah) “live my best life”, I pray that when I die, people will think of me and SMILE.

    For today, I’m not trying to save the world, I’m just doing me (in glorious technicolor I hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  • Toma October 25, 2013 at 12:05 am

    I have been thinking along these lines lately. I finally
    concluded that what’s important to me is to try living everyday d
    best possible way, bearing in mind the fact that i am accountable
    to my maker one day. It’s also important for me to remember that
    the decisions i make also impacts on my family and so i try to act
    as responsibly as possible. I want my children to remember me for
    the right reasons and feel blessed to have had me (i realised d
    importance of this last bit from my parents).

  • Shona October 25, 2013 at 1:06 am

    Lovely Article.

  • frances October 25, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Thanks for dis Tools.I think dis is one question everyone
    who knows that only the mansions we build in people’s hearts
    matters at the end,should be thinking about and taking a steps to
    leave legacies should be doing. I also wrote on dis a while
    back,pls check on it if u can.
    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com/2013/10/03/

  • CHIKA October 25, 2013 at 9:13 am

    The perfect reality check article, its truly about how we treat others and the feelings we leave behind.

  • maame October 25, 2013 at 10:30 am

    this lady makes big beautiful

  • Lummy October 25, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Bobosteke & Lara Bian said it all for me. great article Toolz. cheers to the weekend people…

  • PRIMEPERSONA October 25, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Very thought provoking! My best friend passed on three years and eight months ago and there’s hardly any week that I don’t remember her. I was there and saw her give up the ghost, I felt her spirit leave her body. She was 20, zestful, comic and so full of life. I remember her always not because she was the best student in my class nor was she the most hardworking or the most brilliant person I ever met(Infact she was lazy) but because of the many times she made me laugh and take things less seriously and that means a whole lot. All our other friends think of her as someone who can fill a room with laughter in a flash.

    So yes, you can make a difference in the most minute way. If people remember you when you are gone and smile or laugh then that’s probably all you need.

    Sleep on Ify!!

  • Kemi Odusanya October 25, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Live each day as if it was your last!! Very nice write up. It is very good to be eulogized for our good deeds and all. But when it’s all said and done, what people think of us won’t matter so much as the words our maker would say. Will it be “welcome home son/daughter” or “depart from me”?

  • Precious October 25, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    hmmmmm… Great work toolz.. I dont wanna bother myself
    about what they would say about me wen i’m gone..all i just wanna
    do is ensure i complete and get to this future destiny i’m seeing
    already..and i’m so sure at the end the world would have no option
    than to talk about the *Dark African Woman* who changed the face of
    Africa is the eyes of the world.. facebook.com/peethoughtz

  • Serendipity October 25, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Bikonu….as for me o! I’ll live my life happily and content. One thing i’ve learned in this life is that there’s nothing u can do to please everyone, so why stress myself to have people praise me after death?? How will i even know they are praising/bashing me?? And why will i care knowing that i wont interact with the living again?

  • Sarah Adebayo October 26, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    I do know that when I will no longer be here my family friends coworkers will miss my jokes and my laughs!!!! They will also say: oh she was a fighter and a good mother who did everything for her kids to succeed!!! That is for sure

  • Zeezah October 27, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    To me, why do you think people should praise you when you
    are no more. When you are gone you are gone….whatever you do now
    when you are alive is between you and your God, and that is the
    more reason why you should learn to be contented, live a simple
    life, be open minded, dont keep malice and be down to earth. Forget
    about what people would say after you are gone because the deal is
    between you and your creator.

  • shola October 28, 2013 at 1:16 am

    My ex died recently and it has been so hard for me to let go….he was a great person and so full of life…..he was that kind of guy that had a unique relationship with everyone he encountered because he was just that guy other guys wanted to be like and girls wanted to date…..i have cried so much that now am so upset with him for dying…the painful part was despite him reaching across to me i refused to reach across back not because i was still upset but i wanted to do things my way….would forever miss and love him but one great lesson i learnt from this is that life is too short not to forgive others or keep grudges…..live each day as if its your last and never live your life considering what people would say because they would always say….RIP BOO, moments with you were one of the best i ever had

  • hilda October 28, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Nice one Dear

  • Rexie A. October 28, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    This reminds me of a favorite song of mine: Legacy by Nicole Nordeman. One of my favorite lines, “I want to leave a legacy, how would they remember me…did I choose to love?”

    So amazing.

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