Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
Dear Aunty Bella,
I am a regular reader of your blog and I have a problem that I will like BellaNaijarians to advise me on. I will love my identity to be anonymous to the public.
So I am in my late twenties and just as expected, family and friends are on my neck to bring home a man. I don’t even have a relationship but my mum is always singing the marriage song into my ears and I decided to get a man just to buy time. I met this nice guy whom I wasn’t really attracted to but he asked me out and I decided to start something with him just to please my mum.
Obviously I started the relationship for the wrong reason.
As time went by, I started realizing we had a lot of differences; we argued more than we conversed. I just couldn’t find the spark that will make me love him. Each time I tried growing the love, he acts in ways that just irritates and frustrates me.
While I was still trying to grow my feelings for this guy, I spent time with friends and friends of friends. I got closer to a male friend of mine and even though we have known each other for a long time, I started liking him. I got really attracted to him and before you know it, we started having sex. I told him from the beginning that I didn’t love my boyfriend and I am trying to grow my feeling for my boyfriend so we agreed that what we were doing was just having fun. We didn’t want our mutual friends to know what was happening and we soon decided to stop having sex before getting caught.
That period that I was with this other guy was one of the best moments of my life. As I got to know him better, I fell in love with his personality. He is a gentleman to the core. He treats women with respect, he cooks for me, cleans the kitchen and dishes while I do the cooking sometimes. He listens to me and always inspires me to be a better person, he is driven and focused on his career and yes, he is cute! I mean who wouldn’t fall in love with this man. So after we ended things, I couldn’t let my boyfriend touch me because I was already having feelings for another man and didn’t know how to pretend and let him touch me. I eventually agreed and when I did, I was thinking about the other guy all through. That was when I knew that I was in trouble; sleeping with one man and thinking of another man.
I decided to tell the guy about how I was feeling but he didn’t believe me. He kept reminding me that I have a boyfriend. Another mutual friend of ours who didn’t know what was happening told me she accidentally walked into him sleeping with another girl. This girl he slept with has slept with almost all our mutual friends and I felt hurt and disappointed that he could even consider it. I confronted him and he said he is just a single guy having fun and he is sorry if he disappointed me. I am really pissed and don’t know what to do because I am having feelings for him. How do I get him off my head? Should I keep trying to grow feelings for my boyfriend?
Please, I need the best advice I can possibly get. Feel free to insult me if you feel I deserve it.
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